This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. My name is Susan. And my intention today is to talk to you about, well, nothing. Nothing in relationship to both the Zen teachings and to giving. In Buddhism, we talk about the two wings that hold up the bird, the wing of wisdom and compassion. And as you can see, both are necessary for the bird to soar. The teachings about nothing or about the gift of emptiness, These are wisdom teachings.

[01:01]

But it seems appropriate to stop just for a moment on this way to investigating wisdom and allow our hearts to respond with compassion to the event that took place in Connecticut yesterday. Many children were killed. I watched just a little bit of the reporting full of information, but no answers. And then I watched the clip of our president in a news conference, allowing himself to become intimate with his grief and struggling to find a place of a balance without losing that intimacy.

[02:07]

I don't know how many of you saw that clip. If you haven't, it's quite powerful. So just for a moment, right now, could we allow this pain into our hearts and then send out compassion? to those who were so directly and devastatingly affected by this loss. Let's just take a moment. And however much you can become intimate with your own sense of loss and grief, allow that. We're just going to maybe breathe for maybe 10 breaths. And in these 10 breaths, see where that balance is for you of receiving and giving. This intimacy with compassion, of feeling together, feeling with, is what prepares us to consider what the Buddha taught as the three characteristics of existence, suffering, impermanence, and emptiness.

[03:28]

The events of yesterday exemplify the suffering and the impermanence of this human life. Honoring that, acknowledging that. Let's see if we can move into the territory that is the freedom of emptiness. I've been thinking about this because I've been thinking about giving. We're all thinking about giving at this time of year, I think. We can't avoid it. So I've been investigating it. What is it? How to do it? And I'm also thinking about this because I'm nearing the end of my role at Zen Center as vice president, which is is a job that has a main responsibility to sort of look at all of our activities and help all of our activities around giving.

[04:39]

So this is part of my maybe exit interview, this consideration of giving and its relationship to emptiness. In Zen... And in Buddhism in general, we have this wonderful list of practices called the Paramitas that help us access and balance our life, investigate and ascertain our life. The first one of these six that we work with is giving. And it's not an accident that it's first. And we're told when we study giving that there are different ways to give and Giving sustenance to body and mind. This is a time of year where we think about that. People who don't have. We give the Dharma. We receive the Dharma.

[05:43]

We give and receive the Dharma together in a situation like this. Or in sitting down and reading a book. And we give fearlessness. Fearlessness. above, below, and all around that, all those kinds of giving, is the reality that giving itself is the gift. This wheel of giving and receiving without stop, without obstacle, it keeps our hearts open and warm. And it's a reflection what's actually happening. That we are constantly giving and receiving each other's life. We are constantly co-creating this life. When we participate in this activity of giving and receiving, we are enacting the truth of our mutual co-creation.

[06:56]

giving itself, the kind of physical giving of material goods that we practice at this time of year and on birthdays and other ceremonies, this giving can be seen as a ceremony itself that exemplifies, that brings into form this unknowable total interdependence of life. It's a little flashlight on something that we can barely see, that we certainly can't take in the enormity of, that we can't think. But we can act, we can take action, and then this mutual dependence comes into the form realm, in the form of a gift sometimes. This mutual creating is a very essential teaching of Zen. and we talk about this in many ways, one of the ways we talk about it is using the word emptiness.

[08:08]

We say all things are empty of a separate, isolated, unchangeable, permanent self. I'm going to say that again. We say that all things are empty of a separate, isolated, permanent identity. That's what emptiness is. If you can explain it with words which you can't. So today, instead of the word emptiness, I want to use the word nothing. It's more fun. And I would like to say that the gift of Zen is the gift of nothing. That's what we're offering you here. The gift of the freedom of nothing permanent and separate.

[09:17]

And, as this is a rather dangerous word, I will be careful. This idea of nothing, when I say that word, thoughts come up for you. And depending on how you're holding this, it will scare you or calm you down. Depending on the way we hold this word, it either causes us to run around or to sit down. Since it's difficult to approach this word directly, Zen has wonderful stories called koans, where this experience of nothing can be suspected, felt, instigated, shocked, and maybe realized.

[10:32]

And the stories themselves are often stories of that moment of realization. I've chosen a couple of short stories to just bring up for you right now, both of which involve a teacher asking for a gift. And I offer them to you as gifts of nothing. You may notice that as I... offer these stories and you start to think about them and engage with them, it may be difficult to not try to make this nothing into something. Bodhidharma. Where's his big face right now? Where's it hanging? Where's Bodhidharma hanging here? The big Bodhidharma.

[11:34]

Is it in the hallway? Down the hallway. So we used to have him in the front, but he's a little scary. So I think there was a sense maybe we should put him a little bit further in. So you come in the door and you see Kuan Yin and that's, you know, very encouraging and it's about compassion. And then you go down the hall and you see this guy who with these dark eyebrows and rather severe look. He is the first ancestor of Zen in China. Came from India. brought his understanding, and basically had a practice of sitting, just sitting. Very influential Zen ancestor. He had a student named Weka. One day, Weka came to Bodhidharma with this question. My mind is so restless. How do I set it at peace? How many of you came to meditation instruction and meditated for the first time today?

[12:37]

Yeah. Did you maybe notice for the first time how restless your mind is? Maybe notice that. I notice it a lot myself. So Quaica came to his teacher after who knows how long studying together with him and said, my mind is so restless. how can I set it at peace? Bodhidharma said, bring me your mind and I'll put it to peace. So right now, bring me your mind. Right now. Did anyone find one? Bodhidharma said, Arruhika said, but when I search for my mind, I do not find it. And Bodhidharma said, see, I put it at peace.

[13:42]

This is the gift of nothing. Remember how that felt just for a moment to not find your mind? Remember that? Savor that. Savor that. So what then is this gift of nothing? One way to look at it is the gift of freedom, which I mentioned before. And another way to look at it is it's the gift... relationship that's what was happening between these two people there were words flying about there are words flying about right now and here we are sitting thinking grieving studying seeking breathing with each other

[14:59]

So relationship is one way to talk about the gift of nothing. And to participate deeply in this nothing, to uncover it, to further uncover it, we need to cultivate a mind that can shed greed and selfishness. And when we can do that and become more aware of the harmony of all transactions, when we can get ourselves out of the way, that's not how it works. When we can realize what the obstacles are and watch them melt in the light of this realization, then what's left when that melting has happened is the harmony of relationship.

[16:08]

And giving is a way to practice this shedding of greed and selfishness and to celebrate the truth of this relationship. I'm going to say that again because this is what I think the holidays are about for me. Giving is the way. It's a key way to practice this shedding of greed and selfishness and to celebrate the truth of relationship. When we give, we are honoring love, connection, appreciation. We're manifesting a physical shape that holds our hearts. It holds in it all the caring we have for a particular being at that moment. Here's another story. Venerable Yang Yang asked Xiao Zhu, another very important and amazing Zen ancestor, when not a single thing is brought, then what?

[17:27]

Imagine the student saying this to the teacher. What's he saying? Is he saying, I know how to bring you nothing. Now what? Is there a little bit of ego in there? Maybe. Probably because this is a story that has further statements in it, there's a little stuck point here that the teacher is going to push back on. So this Yang Yang has been practicing the kind of things that I've been talking about this morning, studying, and thinks that perhaps he's come to not bringing forth a single thing, that he's lined up with a deep understanding of letting go. And does he think that if that's so, that there's something after nothing? that there's something in addition to nothing that needs to be brought? Zhao Zhou says, put it down.

[18:35]

Put it down. Right now, put it down. And again, put it down. Yang Yang said, if I don't bring a single thing, what should I put down? A little defensive. But engaging with the teacher, which is good. And Zhao Zhao says, then carry it out. So we think we land somewhere, and then we immediately hold it. We immediately hold it and grasp it and want it as our own, our own understanding, our own little piece of nothing. Put it down, take it away. These are the two instructions from Zsa Zsa. I hope this is not too much trouble for you.

[19:45]

These are not easy understandings to settle into. So I'm going to give you a clue on maybe how to work with these stories, with another story. This story says, a university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served him tea, the professor talked about Zen. You can see, you could imagine, probably... wanting to impress him a bit. The master poured the visitor's cup to the brim and kept pouring. And the professor didn't know what to do and he was watching the cup overflow until he couldn't stop himself anymore and he said, no, it's overflow, no more will go in. And the master said, you are like this cup.

[20:52]

How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup. So maybe if you're struggling, it's because your cup is full of ideas of what nothing is. And those ideas are not it. They're not it. This gift of Dharma, this gift of nothing, is not about what we're going to get, but it's about what we're going to lose. And when we lose everything that is extra, what is left is intimacy. The intimacy of giver, receiver, and gift. So Zen stories have no answers.

[22:01]

Zen stories, Zen teachings are an invitation to come closer. Bring it to me. Give it to me. Come closer. Does the answer matter in the intimacy of that relationship? Or is that the most important thing? In this season of giving gifts, I have appreciated the opportunity to study my own selfish wish to be appreciated. Recently, it was my granddaughter's birthday. And I put some energy into doing something which I actually enjoy doing, which is imagining what would make her happy.

[23:06]

Imagining, you know, lining myself up with my sense of who she is and who she's becoming and what would reflect that. I enjoy that. And I did that for my granddaughter who had a birthday and for the other granddaughter whose birthday it wasn't. So I got a birthday present and an unbirthday present. And it felt good to get the activity of wanting to understand who this person is, wanting to obviate the shape of our relationship with a form thing, with something that would somehow reflect this love and intimacy. That felt wonderful. And the gifts got sent. And a week went by and two weeks went by and three weeks went by. No thank you note. And then I could see, I could see that that was not a gift of nothing.

[24:15]

No. That is one of the telltale factors, is when we expect something back and how that gets revealed, that's a gift. That's the gift, is to have it be revealed, the stickiness, the stickiness, where there's some pain attached when it doesn't get acknowledged. It looks like you've been through this. Yeah, yeah. So in this season of giving, it might be helpful for you to consider whether what you're giving is a gift or a manipulation. So doing this giving is a power trip. Doing it in that way with an expectation. It's like, I'm going to do this and then I'm going to get this. And there's a power relationship there. versus not doing any of those kind of things in the process of giving, and then that's love.

[25:25]

That's actually love. Nothing extra. Nothing extra. We know this, but just a reminder, there is nothing to give that will create permanent appreciation, which we all want. And there is nothing to get that will satisfy that itch, that pain, that sense of lack. And yet we're encouraged to give. We're encouraged to enter this minefield full of selfishness and greed and ego. the giving of things or money can be an acknowledgement of our relationship and of this inexplicable intimacy that is this co-creation of our lives.

[26:41]

It can be that. Connection embodied in the form of a gift is a bridge over which this enactment of the exchange seems to occur. It's a shadow play, but nonetheless, it's an expression, a physical expression of this relationship. And even though these stories of teacher, and student seem to indicate the value of nothing. Nothing doesn't stand alone either. Nothing is not separate from something. Nothing is the nothing of something. And something that is given with no expectations,

[27:47]

of the gift, is the gift of nothing. Something that is given with no expectations is the gift of nothing. So in this season of giving, study this and see if you can not give something unless it has these qualities of nothing. Give with no expectations. Give like we did at the very beginning with each in-breath and out-breath. and give for the benefit of the world. I have a choice here. This is one of these forks in the road. I have two different stories I could tell you. I'll just tell you one briefly, and then I'll read the other one. Dongshan, another great Zen teacher,

[28:49]

was conducting a memorial service for one of his teachers. And he was making offerings, giving gifts. And the monk said, what instruction did you receive at your late teacher's place? Dengshun said, although I was there, I didn't receive his instruction. Is he hinting that maybe he received the gift of nothing? So then the monk said, well, if you didn't receive his instructions, then why make gifts to him? Why make offerings? Why conduct the service? And Dung San said, I do not esteem my late teacher's virtues or his Buddhist teaching. I only value the fact that he gave me nothing. So his instinct was to keep giving back in response. to being given the gift of nothing.

[29:52]

Okay. Now you get a story. Another story. But this is not a Zen story, except I think it really is. It's called The Gift of Nothing, which was part of the, what I was, I read this book, my brother was given this book by the very same granddaughter who didn't send me a thank you note. By the way, sorry if she hears this in many, many years from now, I forgive you. But it's by a man named Patrick McDonald. And I'm just going to read it to you because I think it's one of the sweetest stories I've ever heard. It was a special day. Maybe like today is a special day. And Mooch, who's a cat, wanted to give his best friend Earl a It was a dog. A gift. But what to get him? He had a bowl. He had a bed. And he had a chewy toy.

[31:03]

He had it all. Mooch thought and thought, like you. You're thinking, right? We're both thinking here. What do you get someone who has everything? Nothing. That's what Mooch said, nothing. He would give Earl the gift of nothing. But in this world filled with so many somethings, where would he find nothing? Mooch often heard Frank say, there's nothing on TV. But as far as Mooch could tell, there was always something on TV. Mooch often heard Doozy and her friends say, there was nothing to do. But as far as Mooch could tell, everyone was always doing something. Millie came home from the store and said, there was nothing to buy.

[32:12]

So Mooch went shopping. LAUGHTER This look familiar? This looks like the mall you've been to recently. Mooch looked up and down every aisle. He found many, many, many somethings. The latest this, the newest that. But as far as he could tell, nothing was not for sale. So Mooch went home. And... I love this part. He sat on his pillow. Just snuck that in there, right? But, and he just stayed still, as cats often do. And this makes me want to weep, actually. Not looking for it, he found nothing.

[33:17]

So he went and got a box and he put nothing in it. And then Mooch thought, hmm, maybe Earl deserves more than this. So he got a bigger box. Now that's plenty of nothing, he said. For me, Earl said when he sees the box, Mooch, you didn't have to give me anything. Who told him, thought Mooch. Earl opened Mooch's gift. There's nothing there, said Earl. Yes, said Mooch. Nothing but me and you. So, there's a saying that we say at the end of a Shuso ceremony, something like, through the grace of the invitation,

[34:54]

of the Abbots and the community, I have been vice president. Please forgive me all my mistakes. They fill heaven and earth. Please help me to practice more. And I will help you. And we will continue to... uncover this relationship that we have. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[35:57]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[35:59]

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