This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Many people here have practiced with what's known as repeated questions. We are in our third or fourth week of our fall practice period, our intense period of practice. And often as you settle into your practice, especially when you're doing something over a period of time, it's like you're settling into your unsettledness. Or as you settle in, what becomes more evident to you is the way in which

[01:07]

you're holding back, struggling, finding difficulties. And as often is the case with practice, the skillful response is instead of trying to ignore it, trying to suppress it, trying to overpower it, and to do something more direct, meet it, just as it is. What is this about? And in early Buddhism in particular, there's a formulation of what the obstacles might be as an expression of our internal dynamic. And I was thinking of turning that into a kind of repeated question. But now I'm wondering if we can do it with this many people in the room. So maybe we could do the first part, and then if it's a complete failure, we'll do something else.

[02:15]

To turn it into simple phrases, something like this. We start to practice. And in the midst of all the agendas we have in our life, what we want to have happened, what we don't want to have happened, something pops up. that's interested in practicing. And maybe there's a tinge of, well, here's what I want from practice. But there's also a voice that's saying, what does practice ask of me? And in some ways, a beautiful voice. A voice that's generous. a voice that wants to bring forth its own nobility, generosity, sincerity. What does practice ask of me? Because I am such one that will respond to that request.

[03:27]

Then, what is it to do it? You can have all the most beautiful ideas you like inside your head, but then you've got to walk your talk. You've got to live it. You've got to put it into action. What is it to take those beautiful sentiments and live them day by day? Activity by activity. Relatedness. Relationship by relationship. What does practice ask of me? What is it to do it? And what gets in the way when you start to do it. And that would be the hindrances, the obstacles. But let's start with what does practice ask of me? So in a way it's a beautiful question, because the very nature of the question relieves us from what do I want from practice?

[04:34]

What do I want from life? What do I want from my relationships? What do I want? What do I want? And what do I not want? It relieves us from that burden. How am I willing to be in the world? What would the world like from me? How can I be of service? What does practice ask of me? What kind of sincerity, dedication, integrity, concentration, generosity, patience? All those kinds of good things. And how can the question help us settle down below just fanciful idea, idealistic and sincere as it may be, is something truer, something that arises from deeper in our being.

[05:49]

So, we'll do this as a repeated question. So if you could pair up with someone beside you. And as best as possible, just pair up with someone nearby and try to sit facing them, especially if you're on the tatami. So first of all, close your eyes just to notice whatever is happening right now. Is there excitement? Apprehension? Are you already preparing your answers? I'll say that, that would sound good. Or whatever. But more to let the question help you

[07:05]

Get in touch with something deeper. Maybe what brought you here this evening. But maybe also just recognizing that you're following this thread in your life, this thread of inquiry of what is this life abut? What is it to engage it, to awaken, to meet the world, yourself and others? Can you touch that interesting alchemy that happens when our sincerity is both a collection of ideas but also a feeling.

[08:07]

And then if you could open your eyes and wordlessly decide with your partner who's going to ask first and who's going to answer first. okay wordlessly that means no words okay now and let me say a little bit in a little bit of an instruction about the asking so you ask in an even simple voice making an offering. And then the person answers. You quietly say, thank you. You have no need to approve or disapprove, ask for elaboration, nothing.

[09:22]

The answer is completely itself, whether it made sense to you or not. Thank you. You pause, ask the question again. Not too long, not too short, the pause. A breath, two breaths. Remembering that you're asking Buddha, what does practice ask of you? You listen carefully to what Buddha has to say. What a wonderful opportunity to hear the words direct from the mouth of Buddha. And then after you just keep repeating this process, what does practice ask of you? Thank you. And then after two or three minutes, I'll ring the bell. You both just be silent, noticing the thoughts and feelings, physical sensations.

[10:23]

And then in a few moments, I'll ring the bell and change. The person who is answering will now ask. As a person who's answering, as best you can, a short answer. Get to the gist, get to the essence, get to the heart of what it is you want to say. No need to tell a whole story. Just, what's the essence? A word, a phrase, a short sentence. And also, as best you can, let the answers bubble up. It's more like tapping into something within us that has always wanted to practice.

[11:32]

It's not so much a product of our cleverness or what we've figured out. Something in us, since a young age, has wanted to be a good person. And somehow, as we've moved into adulthood, that has taken a variety of expressions and forms. So as best you can, let something bubble up and let it come out as best you can in a concise form. Okay? So in a moment, I'll ring the bell, and you can start asking and answering. So, you can just finish what you're saying and then both of you just close your eyes.

[12:56]

Just close your eyes, notice what you're feeling, notice your state of mind, notice your posture. Just absorbing the effects of what you just did. And then in a moment, I'll ring the bell and you change roles. again if you could just close your eyes noticing the feelings the thoughts physical sensations your posture

[14:28]

And just keeping your eyes closed, just as best you can, just doing a brief summary of your own answers, as best you can recollect. I said this, I said this, I said this. And then just quietly reflecting on, and how am I doing with all that? How was that today?

[15:48]

How was it yesterday? How has it been this week? How is it in my primary relationships? How is it in the expressions of formal practice that I've committed to? good and bad. We're looking for particulars, details. And holding that

[17:08]

Let me offer you a brief description of the hindrances. The first pair are attraction and aversion. Desiring to have things a certain way. feel a certain way. All sorts of ways in which we want, we desire. And aversion, what we don't want. I don't want to feel like this I don't want to do that.

[18:09]

Attraction and aversion. In the midst of enacting your practice, in the midst of upholding your intention and bringing it forth, in the midst of staying true, your deepest vow. Does attraction or aversion, desire, or pushing away come into play? And then the second pair is when we're struggling with something, we start to feel burdened, resistant, getting heavy, getting lethargic,

[19:39]

overwhelmed. Or we get anxious, agitated, restless, kind of nervous energy. How are you doing with that modality? Does that come into play very often? Heavy, low energy, lethargic, disinterested, Anxious, restless. And then the fifth hindrance, doubt.

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absence of trusting your own experience. In absence of confidence in the process of practice. Kind of corrosive gut. Is this okay? Is that okay? Am I okay? Does that come into play? And then if you could just turn towards me again,

[21:49]

And just find your posture again. And here's what we'll do. Again, if you could close your eyes. And then if you could say in a word or a phrase some expression of how you experience the hindrances. And we'll just, whoever wants to speak can speak and just do it at random. You can say one, you can say two, but just let... And also listen. Listen, because we're all in the same soup. We're all swimming around with similar experiences. So often you can hear yourself in someone else's expression.

[22:57]

So please, just give voice in whatever concise way makes sense to you. Not just in the bedrooms. Jealousy. the same thing in a new form. Thank you, Houston. Doubted my experience.

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Do it, do it, do it. I do not deserve to be in this room Overwhelmed. These days, they're all people like me.

[25:21]

Darmagate. Self-doubt. Crazy noodles, no beginning, no end. Enlightenment, crazy noodles, no beginning, no end. A cup of tea.

[26:29]

And so now, just to as best you can, hold tenderly your own vulnerability. Whatever expression that takes, your own struggling, whatever expression that takes. Vulnerability, your own struggling, And then to quietly, silently say to yourself, may I be free from suffering, may I be at peace, may I be well. Just silently, gently say that to yourself.

[27:30]

You can repeat it several times. May I be free from suffering. May I be at peace. May I be well. Okay? And let me offer a couple of closing words. So in one way, this is about inquiry, about asking, what's going on? Not so much to fill you with more judgments on ideas and opinions, but to make contact, to notice, to acknowledge.

[28:39]

Okay. This is what's happening. And then in another way, it's about equanimity. Okay, this is what's happening. Sometimes it's neutral and often it's charged. Often it comes with this feeling. This feeling. Often it stirs up within me something. Equanimity is not about, okay, suppress your feelings, control them, try not to have any feeling, just be flat. It's more like, can there be the space for the feeling? Can it be held in a way that allows the maintenance of balance?

[29:41]

can be held in a way that it doesn't exacerbate distress or struggling, but it comes back to a centeredness. Okay, this is what's happening. This is how it is for me. And there's something almost paradoxical. As there is that kind of space, that kind of acknowledgement, that kind of balance, It's like it gives us permission to be more of what we're experiencing. The equanimity allows us, it invites us to feel more fully, to experience more fully what we're already experiencing. Now when we're struggling with it, it's like we're too busy doing something to it,

[30:47]

actually just be present for it. So the inquiry, what's going on? The equanimity. Okay. And this is how it is when it goes on. And often that ripples out within me. into judgments, conclusions, opinions. Oh, I shouldn't do this, I should not do that. Maybe you should, maybe you shouldn't. But the equanimity to be with it so that the next step on your path, the next arising of that what does practice ask of me is not coming so much stimulated by agitation, distress, or struggling, but coming from something more spacious, more connected to the stuff of your life.

[32:02]

And as we explore this, as we discover this, It becomes less important to arrive at the goal. This is all about creating something. It becomes more about being part of the process, discovering what we're doing right now, and how we're doing it, and how we're living it. there. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma.

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For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the dharma.

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