So good evening, everyone. And thank you for joining us tonight on the eve of Christmas Eve. And it's really quite amazing that we're all able to zoom in like this and stay connected somehow during this time of isolation and disconnection and lots of division in the world. So I'm very grateful for technology right now. And I'd like to thank Nancy. She's the head of practice here at City Center for inviting me to give this talk. And I also would like to thank my wonderful teacher, Tia Strozer, for all of her guidance and patience over the years. And then I'd like to thank and say hello to three very special viewers, my mother and my sister and my beautiful niece, Skyler, who are all joining us from Los Angeles.

[01:25]

So this is the first time that they've seen me give a Dharma talk. So thank you to the three of them for joining us tonight. So I'm going to talk a little bit about a very popular koan from a collection of stories called The Gateless Gate. So for those of you who are unfamiliar with koan, it's a word that in Chinese means something akin to a public case. And in Japanese, it means something like a matter for public thought. So koan, and that's spelled K-O-A-N. Koans are paradoxical anecdotes that Zen teachers employ to help students come to some realization that's beyond the thinking mind. So the way to become intimate with the meaning of a koan is by dropping below the words and the phrases and having a physical or felt experience or understanding of the meaning.

[02:34]

So the practice of Zen, after all, is a body practice. Illumination and transformation happen below the neck. Confounding the logical mind helps students realize a spiritual epiphany or what we call in Zen, Kensho or Satori. These Japanese words mean something means that someone has had an awakening moment. a non-intellectual experience of our deep and boundless connection with all sentient and non-sentient beings. And what we call this in Buddhism is Buddha nature. And this is what unites us. This is why ultimately there is no separation between me and you, between somebody who holds a certain political belief and someone who holds another different political belief.

[03:36]

So this boundless connection is beyond our ability to grasp with our thinking mind. So these are what koans help us to experience is a wordless knowing of the true nature of life, of who we really are. So the Gateless Gate is a collection of koans that was composed in China during the Song Dynasty. That was from 960 to 1279. In Japanese, the collection is called Mu Mon Kan. Mu, M-U, means nothingness. Mon, M-O-N, means gate. And kan means barrier. Another way that it can be translated, is like a checkpoint where usually travelers are, their papers are being shown to somebody.

[04:41]

So it's a checkpoint that is not blocked in any way, right? So it's a gateless gate or a gateless barrier. So this collection of koans called the gateless gate was composed in 1228 by a Zen monk named Muman Ikai. In this collection, Muman adds his own commentary about the koan and then also adds a poem at the end that sums up his understanding of the koan. These verses and commentaries are also studied by Zen students as a way to help unlock the meaning of these ancient stories. And some of these stories are actually historical and others are probably just metaphorical. So in this koan, which is the first case in the gateless gate, there are just two speakers, an unnamed monk and a famous Zen master, Joshu.

[05:42]

So here's the case. A monk asked Joshu, has a dog, the Buddha nature? Joshu answered, moo. The way I understand Joshu's response of Mu, M-U, Mu, is that he's slicing through the monk's attempt at arriving at some intellectual certainty. The monk wants to know whether a dog is endowed with the luminous mind of the Buddha. Does this dog have a Buddha nature like myself? But the monk's question comes from his head and not his heart. The monk is so caught up in concepts and discursive thinking. He's up here in his head. So instead of responding with an affirmative yes or with a solid no, Joshu responds with mu.

[06:48]

Now this mu can be read as a nothingness or as a meaningless sound. Joshu does not want to give the monk an answer. that his thinking mind can cling onto and say, now I've got it. Now I understand the dog definitely has Buddha nature or the dog definitely does not have Buddha nature. Part of Zen practice is noticing when we're grasping, noticing when we're grasping onto certainty, when we want to make in our mind something that we can intellectually understand. So this Mu is slicing through the monk's desire to grasp onto the Buddha nature. What is this Buddha nature? Who has it? Do I have it? Does the dog have it? If the dog doesn't have it, why doesn't the dog have it?

[07:52]

So these types of questions that come from our head often just keep us spinning around in our head. And they're far away really from the practice. This is a philosophical question, right? Does a dog have Buddha nature? So the Joshu is being, you know, he's being playful, but he's also being direct. And the ambivalence for me, the ambivalence of how this move interpreted also makes it impossible to grasp intellectually. And then when you try to grasp it intellectually, you just keep spinning around and around. And the way that I've practiced with Mu while sitting in seated meditation is allowing it to flow with my breath, right? So it may start off as a kind of a solid word, silently inside, just the sound of Mu. And then if my mind starts to

[08:56]

grasp onto it, like what is Mu or just tries to engage with that sound. Just go back to the breathing. Let's go back to the breath and let that Mu just float through my body, come in on the inhale, fill my body and then exhale. So this Mu just floats with the inhale and the exhale, just becomes part of the breathing, right? Just starts to breathe with the body. And so the mu is just suffusing all the pores, right? Just becomes part of the body. And then it helps to quiet the thinking mind. It helps to quiet all those stories that arise. Once we start sitting still, we can feel and hear the mind, see how busy it is, right? Become intimate with all of its busyness. And this mu really helps slice through all that. It's just, in some ways, like throwing cold water, if you will, right?

[10:01]

You stop. There's a stop. There's a brief moment where there's no thinking. The same with mood. There's a stopping of thoughts. And I feel, too, that since Zen is a practice that happens off the cushion, more so than on the cushion, because we spend most of our lives off of the meditation cushion, We can carry this move throughout our daily activities. So this move is also the sense of when I'm just doing one task, I'm wholeheartedly participating in this task. There's not thoughts about other tasks, about what happened yesterday, about what's going to happen tomorrow. Or if those thoughts do arise, just letting them go, just letting them float away. and then going back to the physicality of the present moment. What is it that you're doing in that present moment? So just bringing the attention of the mind.

[11:04]

So attention is just a mental faculty of the mind. We just bring it back to the physicality of the present moment. Whatever that is, whether you're sitting in meditation, you're brushing your teeth, you're walking down the street, you're typing on your computer. And so this move, You can carry with it, carry it with us on the cushion and off the cushion. Just allowing that move to undermine arising thoughts to pull up their roots so that we don't so that mind doesn't proliferate and we don't get caught in that mental proliferation. So Muman, his verse is very short that he wrote about this koan. Here is his verse, the dog, the Buddha nature, the pronouncement, perfect and final. Before you say it has or has not, you are a dead man or a woman on the spot.

[12:07]

So here he's pointing to, if you say it has or has not Buddha nature, you're dead on the spot. Once we start to conceptualize, we're dead in a sense. Once we start to conceptualize, we're far away from what's happening in the physical moment. And this is what the monk's question was about the dog having Buddha in nature, right? It's like, Joshu was bringing him back to the present moment, back to what's going on, getting him out of his head, giving him the sound of moo to help him stop grasping at... concepts. So in doing some research about this koan, I also uncovered a verse by a little known Zen master. And his given name is Theodore Giselle.

[13:11]

And his Dharma name is Dr. Seuss. So here is Zen master Seuss's verse on this case. Every monk down in Whoville liked words a lot, but the hermit who lived north of Whoville did not. The hermit loathed words, she avoided delusion. Please don't ask why, because the self's an illusion. It could be perhaps that her hood was too tight. It could be her tongue was not screwed on right. I think her insight was a red hot iron ball. For that hermit, she knew the truth of it all. Now, whatever the reason, her tongue or her hood, she sat upright, not thinking of how to do good for the glow

[14:18]

of Joshu's move like a vast ocean waves through the hermit and set her in motion. Staring down from her cave with an angelic grin. Tomorrow is almost here. The end of session, she thought no thought while mindfully walking. I must find some way to stop them from talking. For tomorrow I know all the boy and girl monks will sleep and dream of self waking at noon like drunks. Then they'll do something the hermit like least of all. Every monk down in Whoville, the tall and the small will stand six feet apart. They're socially distant mingling. And then they'll start thinking like ghosts. They'll start clinging to bushes and weeds and the myriad thingy.

[15:20]

And oh, oh, the words, oh, the words, words, words. I hate the stream of words because words are absurd. They'll stand with open hearts with masks on their faces, a chat, chat, chatting to puzzle what the case is. Does a dog have a Buddha nature? Yes and no. They will ponder and wonder, how could it be so? If they say it has or has not, then they're dead on the spot. To become ruined and homeless, talking must stop. For these monks devoted to the way, chasing the air and pursuing fragrance, they will never save their hair from the fire and their monkey minds will despair. about the gateless gate, which is not even there. The more the hermit thought about this without emotion, the more she thought, I must stop this whole commotion.

[16:30]

For nine years of wall sitting, I've sat with it now. I must stop these idle monks from talking, but how? Then in the mine door arose a flashing volition, an idea to prevent this karmic condition. I'll make a Bodhidharma staff and a red cloak. And she mused and chuckled. It'll be a sweet joke. All I need is a fast horse. And she looked around. But since steeds were scarce, there were none to be found. Did that stop the hermit? No, she simply said. If I can't find a horse, I'll sled down instead. She grabbed her Zafu. a bell, a thermos of tea, her cloak and staff, and entered a merry samadhi. She folded into lotus on top of her zafu, sitting like a mountain wearing her rakasu.

[17:33]

The hermit shouted, moo! And then the sled started down toward the rooms where the monks lay a snooze in their town. Like a red shadow, she glided through the twilight. the true dragon's breath pumping her heart with might. The unreal and real suffused in the darkling light, stars and sky sharing the essence hidden in plain sight. The hermit on her Zafu slid into Whoville and sat in the Zenno. All was silent and still. The weary monks were nestled while snug in their beds, while visions of the Buddha swirled in their heads. The hermit pulled out her thermos and poured some tea. From her cloak, out came the bell, which she rang with glee. Monks sprang from their beds to see what was the matter. They breezed into the hall and started to chatter.

[18:34]

And to their eyes, what should dependently co-arise, a red-wrapped Roshi sipping tea to their surprise. The monks grew hushed. for she was so clear of Dharma, of karma. They knew in an instant she embodied the Dharma. Then she spoke without making a sound. The front gate of Zen is Mu, but if you try, you'll separate. Though there's no barrier, you must not hesitate. Now is the only way to enter the gateless gate. Then a star fell from the sky, striking the Densho, All the monks, the tall and the small, slipped into Kensho. Behind their masks, they smiled like Makakasho. Their minds as vast as space, their wholehearted hearts aglow. Then a soft voice said, Dear Roshi, if all is Mu, then that absurd word must have Buddha nature too.

[19:42]

And since we have to say something, what can we do? I, for one, won't ever stop saying, I love you. Hearing these words, a calmness like falling snow filled the hermit up with what she needed to know. Then she swung her staff like the sword of Manjushri, chanting the harmony of difference and unity. Just like winter streams branch into spring rivers, the emptiness of receiver, gift, and givers is what it means to embody the Buddha's way, like a tireless horse with shanks that have gone gray. With that, she floated like a cloud into the air, and she merged with the darkness, like a silent prayer. To the monks below, she gave a deep, deep gasho, They heard her silver voice shining through the moon glow.

[20:48]

Each moment is nirvana. So drop your story because it limits your chances of Satori. listening to my verse and I confess that I chose the koan because I wanted to write this poem and I really enjoyed learning about Mu and I feel that to me this koan as well as this by the wonderful Dr. Seuss. I find it really speaks to the middle way of practicing Zen.

[21:54]

For seven years, I spent time in the mountains at Tassajara, though not in a cave, although sometimes it felt a little bit like a cave there in the valley. And I feel that practice of Zen, especially this tradition, the Soto Zen tradition that Suzuki Roshi founded here at the San Francisco Zen Center is about bringing what we learn in the monastery or what we learn in Zen practice sitting on our cushion. You don't have to be in a monastery. How is it that we embody this practice when we leave the cushion? And how is it that we relate to each other? So this hermit, she was so caught up in her wall sitting, staring at the wall, meditating with her cloak and her staff and her tea.

[22:57]

And she's sitting there by herself. And even though it's not always easy to sit by yourself in a monastery and stare at a wall, because you do bring yourself with you, so it's not, as some people, Imagine the sabbatical away from everything because of yourself. You come with you wherever you go. There you are. Right. That's that lovely phrase. So there is lots of merit to seeing in meditation. And then sometimes we can get stuck in the mountain, on the cave, just removing ourselves from life. And clinging, clinging on to that meditative state or that isolation and thinking that we know that this is the way. I think that came up for me when I was at the monastery for so long, just feeling almost like I didn't want to leave and come back down to the other world, to this world.

[24:13]

to this interrelational, lots of interrelational things that happen when we're here. All the things that we have to deal with, the 10,000 things, as we say in Zen. So for me, the hermit, she learns about the value of words, about that we need to be with each other to express, I feel, our truest selves. Because all we are really is relations. We're just relational beings. Not only obviously the main relationship being with ourselves and sitting meditation is very helpful for exploring that relationship and healing what might need to be healed in our bodies and minds. Zazen is definitely a wonderful tool for that. And then how do we bring that down from the mountain, down from the cave? and express ourselves in the everydayness of what we do here in the city at San Francisco Zen Center.

[25:25]

And I feel very fortunate that I had the opportunity to be at the monastery and then also to be supported to be here at city center. And I feel that, yeah, the, Buddha nature is not hidden. It's in plain sight and it's in the mountain cave and the mountain valley. It's in here at city center in the conference room where I'm sitting. It's in my heart, your heart, everyone's heart. So for me, I wanted to express that as a way of my appreciation and gratitude for this practice, for this life, for all the people who have shown me love and patience on my journey thus far, and to remind myself and others about the importance of dropping from our heads to our heart, especially in this

[26:43]

past year of lots of division in our world, in this country. You know, how is it that we can drop our ideas of people, of ourselves, of life? Does a dog have Buddha nature? Does a dog not have Buddha nature? Can we drop below that and just love the dog? Just get to know the dog? not make people and ourselves into permanent fixtures, not reify them, not concretize them, not judge ourselves and others for views. So for me, this move is really helps me practice with that right now, practicing with when stories arise around people whose political views I don't agree with. How can I just settle into the body

[27:44]

drop the stories. And it's not even like I'm talking to these people who have different political views than I do. It's all here in my head, right? So how can I drop below all those stories and just allow my heart to feel, allow my body to feel just to be over and over again? And I think that for me, that's the practice of move, just letting go, just being, dropping stories. letting the mind settle and so allowing myself to feel this connection to what's happening in the physical moment because that's the place where there are no words and there are no red and blue states where there's just a deep, boundless,

[28:45]

connection that unites all of us. And my wish, I guess, as we go toward the new year, is I hope that we all can learn how to live harmoniously and still be able to speak our truth, because it's not about hiding. How can we be in dialogue instead of debate? And how can we How can we express our true nature and use our words like the girl in the poem? Use our words, our words in a kind way, in a compassionate way. And know that there is a time for silence and there's a time for speaking. you all very much may our intention equally extend to every being and place with the true merit of Buddha's way beings are numberless I vow to save them

[30:16]

Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless, I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable, I vow to become. Thank you very much Heather. As we transition into some time for question and answer, just two announcements. First is that the online Zendo will be closed Thursday and Friday for the holiday, but it will be open on Saturday. So please be welcome. And the Zendo being open on Saturday includes the Saturday Dharma talk. Second announcement, I want to say thank you to everyone who has donated to SFCC's year-end fundraising. And if you'd like to continue to make support, to support all of SFCC's offerings, including these talks, I'll put a link in the chat now.

[31:24]

So if you have questions or comments you'd like to make, please feel free, open your participants window, raise a blue hand, and I can unmute you. Let me see, Chris. Heather, I'd like to thank you for that talk. I've always kind of been stuck on that co-on and you gave me some insight on possibly maybe I'm grasping a little bit too much at it and giving me some path to take to possibly

[32:40]

gain some better insight in that. But I really want to thank you for that. So thanks. Thank you, Chris. because I think my mother's trying to say something. Let's try it out. Go ahead and talk, Mom. There you go, Mom. Hi. This was just so helpful. Hi, Mom. Hi. Can you hear me? Yes, Mom, we can all hear you. Not just me, but everyone. Skyler helped us.

[33:43]

Say hello. Well, that was just wonderful. I really enjoyed it. I don't have any background, of course, in Buddhism. But the whole idea of Moo kind of reminded me of mindfulness, just trying to focus on what I'm doing instead of drifting around in my mind. That kind of concentration helps me to get to sleep. And it helps me to... You know, I always feel like my mind is like a ping pong game. And so with age, it is slowing down a bit, but not much. So I enjoyed that very much, Heather. And of course, a reference to Dr. Seuss. Right, Skye? Mm-hmm. So it was wonderful seeing you and hearing you. Love to Tanya. Bye-bye. Thanks, Mark. Thank you for your talk, Heather.

[35:05]

Can you hear me okay? Yes, I can hear you. Okay. When I invited you to give the talk, you joked around that perhaps it might be about the night before Christmas. And I was like, that would be delightful. And you did it. I... I found myself delighting in the Buddhist infusion, what has become so familiar through practice, through years of practice, with a story that so many of us carry so deeply. also in this body, in our beings. And I know that for me, I struggle oftentimes in the holidays with this kind of what my body remembers or thinks things should be around holidays or how my family should be or how things should be.

[36:25]

And so I just, I really, appreciated the delight and the joy that I experienced with your recrafting of Dr. Seuss's gift. How the Grinch stole Christians. Thank you, Nancy. Yeah. So what's the relationship between the Grinch and the monk? Well, I realized, too, that not everybody's heard of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. So just if you want to watch it, the original cartoon is by far much better than the live action movie with Jim Carrey. Anyway, I guess, well, the difference, the similarity is, you know, the Grinch has an idea of what Christmas is and doesn't want to hear the who's down in Whoville.

[37:32]

with all their, you know, drums and plums and bat-a-tat-tums. So he's up there by himself, being a Grinch in his cave, isolating himself. He has a conception of the Who's and a conception of Christmas. And then he grabs his little dog, Max, and makes him into a reindeer, throws him in front of the sleigh, and they go down to Whoville and he steals everything, right? He takes every Christmas present, even lives to little Cindy. Lou Hu, who's only two. And then he has a change of heart, right? And he realizes after he steals all the presents that Christmas doesn't come in a box or a bag, or it doesn't matter if they have toys or not. And so the hermit as well, I mean, she doesn't steal anything, but she does have a turn of heart. And she realizes it's not about just being up in the mountains, staring at the wall. And that word can be useful and purposeful. So yeah, she was coming from, the hermit's coming from an emptiness, right?

[38:36]

Everything's empty. I can't say anything. Words are absurd. Everyone should be quiet. I'm going to go down there and stop them. And then she realizes that Mu has Buddha nature, you know, that there's a way to use words to unite people. And so that's the turning that she has, the hermit has. And I appreciate, yeah, I wanted to just have fun because I was so busy. This was really the only way I felt like I could actually finish the talk was by having fun with it. So thank you for asking me. for bringing this koan.

[39:40]

I think the reason I have this question come up now. I just found out I didn't start the koan myself, but based on the koan I heard so far, it's more like... like everybody's asking a relative question and then the true answer is in another dimension, which is in absolute term. So this is always like this, or by the way, because I myself as a Chinese, and then I have certain bias because I always just feel like all of this education or teaching they just try to, sometimes I'm just saying, hey, does it really matter? Just say yes. Say this dog has Buddha nature, you know what I mean? And then have a joy, have a moment, you know, and then just say yes.

[40:44]

Yeah, I am relative, okay? I answer your question, which is a relative answer. But then you just feel it. And then... I guess that's not my point, too, about all of this. I think it just reminds me of all of this Chinese way of teaching, and they always try to trick you something. They always just say, hey, I want to prove you're wrong, you know, and I'm like, oh, gosh, and then can you just relax and then just say yes. So does it really matter, you know, and just say yes? Yeah, and then the mind is, I just feel like the more we emphasize, stop, stop, stop cleaning, stop cleaning the mental habit, I feel like maybe that's just me. And then I just feel like the reinforcement is even stronger. You know, I don't, you know, if I know we're like, even the answer is yes, then people forget it.

[41:50]

But the answer of yes does not mean that these people don't initiate his mental whatever. I think it's just the more we emphasize that, I feel like the more we reinforce. Maybe just me. You know, maybe that's also from my bias, it comes from my education. I always feel like it's a very simple saying, but it makes things so complicated. Anyway, thank you. I appreciate that. Obviously, anytime we pick apart a koan, we're doing the exact thing, at least with this poem, especially, that Joshu is saying, don't do.

[42:51]

He's saying, move, drop it, move on, right? And I'm writing a long poem about it, right? So it's, you know, the teaching, I think there's many ways for people to learn. And some people will learn just from the move. Other people need to read the commentary and the verse. Other people like myself need to write a long poem about it. So I appreciate when we get stuck up here, it's just a reminder, move to drop to the body. And I can understand how you feel about, oh, they're just trying to trick me, negating whatever I'm going to say. So I can appreciate that. It's just, I think, let's not get so caught up in words. Let's not get so caught up in words. And I think since most people have a tendency, or at least human beings, we have a tendency, you know, we have language, we get to talk all the time.

[43:53]

This is a way to feel some relief from talking all the time. So I think that's, for me, the move. It's like, oh, I can just put it down. Just put it down. Just put it down. That's how it's helpful for me. Thank you. That brings us to the end of our time. Thank you for being here. Thank you very much, Heather. Thank you, Kodo. My pleasure. You should be able to unmute now if you'd like to say goodnight to Heather or all of us. Have a great holiday. Goodnight, everybody. Happy holidays. Happy New Year. Good to meet you. Goodnight, Mom, Tara, and Skylar. You have to unmute yourself, mom. Thank you, Heather.

[45:14]

Hey, Brent. Bye, Brent. Hi. Thank you. Thank you, Heather. And to all a good night. Thank you, Heather. Thank you. I can't wait for your green eggs and ham. Oh, yeah, I love green egg. No, it's more about the Lorax and scrambled eggs, super de duper, a la Peter de Hooper. Okay. All right. Mom, thank you, Eli. Lorenzo, there's my mom. She's in the corner. Yeah, nice to meet you. Yeah, thanks for coming. Kodo, can you unmute Tara? I'm hitting ask to unmute a few times, but... Oh, it's not. You can't unmute directly.

[46:15]

Okay. Sorry, Mom, that you can't speak. We can see you. That's how I'll always reimagine you, Mom. That's the co-on. Heather, I wanted to say that the poem was awesome, and also the lights. You did a really good job with it. Tanya helped me set this up. We've got this little thing that looks like the universe and stars. Yeah. It's really cool. Yeah. Well, thank you all for being here. I look forward to when we get to sit together in the Zendo and say hello to each other in person without masks. So thank you very much for staying. I'll see you all again. Mom, I'll see you on Christmas. We'll chat for real. Thanks for being here. Bye, Mom. Love you.

[47:15]

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