Good morning. Happy Valentine's Day. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum. First, I have to ask your patients if I need to adjust my posture or fit in a way that you might not expect. It's because I'm recovering from being on the wrong side of a wall when it fell. So that was in... September, but it still has effects on how I move and my ability to sit and also to read.

[01:03]

So I may have to ask reading help at some point in this lecture, too. But I'm really happy to see you, and I feel encouraged to see you and to The way I feel about it is unless you already were interested in awakening or had a taste of awakening, unless you were in like a college course and it was required study or something, you probably wouldn't be here. So if there are people in a college class and it's required reading, I'm interested in your being here too. But I understand that it was a course requirement, too. But also, who's here for the first time? Welcome.

[02:04]

Is there anyone here from a college class? OK, well, if you're here from a college class but not admitting it, welcome. So today I'd like to talk about love. Valentine's Day and other mushy topics. And, you know, I might get mushy, but maybe I won't. So love is an important topic in Buddhist practice, but it may not be the same definition as in the mainstream culture. So, but first I want to talk a little bit about today, because Valentine's Day is kind of big in our culture, and it's in the, you know, Macy's has a whole sale themed around it, and, you know, people send each other cards and so on.

[03:17]

So, first of all, I want to... Widen it a little bit and say that there's not just one holiday right now. There's at least three that I know of. And, of course, one is Valentine's Day. And one is Abraham Lincoln's birthday. And one is Sunday Day. Makabucha Day. And I'm not sure I'm pronouncing that right. So if anybody... knows the pronunciation, and I'm not saying it right, please say it. Makabuja? Okay, that's how you say it? People who have practiced in Thai tradition? Yeah. Okay. So, love, Valentine's Day. Well, all these holidays speak to the question of love.

[04:17]

but in very different ways. So I want to talk about them. You know, I was thinking about what is love or what do we call love? And there's some psychologists who defined three brain systems that are part of love. They are sex, romance, and attachment. And there are other systems that talk about love Like, for instance, the book The General Theory of Love, I highly recommend because it talks about how our limbic systems and the brain and emotional life is trained to love. But I'm more talking about a conventional psychophysical perspective, a kind of non-California psychological perspective about love. And so... In that tradition, people talk about sex, romance, and attachment.

[05:24]

By attachment, they don't mean, you know, the Zen curse word attachment, which means unwholesome attachment, but more like a wholesome, healthy attachment of to have and to hold until death do us part kind of attachment, where you become helpfully attached to somebody. Or you are already because they're your child or your friend or your partner or your parent or somebody for whom it's important to have that kind of care. So the three holidays have completely different statements about love. And it's completely different in its relation to sex or intimacy. its relation to romance, and its relation to attachment. So because I can't read so well, I made a table with a few keywords on it.

[06:25]

And here are some of the... There may not be facts, there may be kind of lecto facts about these holidays. So Valentine's Day, you kind of probably know because you've been immersed in it for the past week or ever since, you know, the Christmas decorations came down. They've been selling Little Hearts with Love Ya or Go On, you know, that sort of thing, since January 2nd. And in our culture, Sex is used a lot. Sexual feelings are used a lot to get things or to push things away or to make things attractive. Look at any magazine and you'll understand or remember what I mean.

[07:31]

Like cars. Clothes. And so on. If you want to really see this in action, check out shows, TV shows like America's Next Top Model. You know, and you'll get a really good example of models being trained to use sex to sell clothes. So it's very interesting from that point of view. And I think that we've also been pretty well exposed in the last week or two to the elements of romance. You know, who's going to buy the candy and flowers in this relationship? Who's going to light candles and make dinner? Who's going to say I love you is an important part of this week in the popular mind.

[08:38]

And this actually has a very long history for Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day started... with Lupercalia and Februaria in Roman times. Lupercalia was, if I'm remembering it right, because I couldn't really read so well, but if I'm remembering it right, it was a sacrifice to fertility that started with physically sacrificing a goat and a dog, and then the goat hide would be used so that lovers would slap each other with it to increase their fertility. I think I learned this in college. Okay, it's close? Okay, good, thank you. And February was a purification feast because it wasn't, I think it was the ancient Roman kind of New Year's

[09:45]

purifying time when people would clean their houses and purify their lives so that they could prepare for the next life. And then it was continued when Great Britain became Roman and later Christian and developed in the time of courtly love. And they were actually... courts of love in the 1300s and 1400s. So it has had a very long kind of mainstream culture attachment to us. And in our mainstream culture, attachment is, as I said, married love or parental love or, you know, some long-lasting love in which there's unconditional acceptance.

[10:47]

And so that's Valentine's Day in a nutshell. Abraham Lincoln, you know, I was thinking of Abraham Lincoln in terms of sex, romance, and attachment, and it was pretty hard, but I did manage to unearth some interesting facts. Like, C.A. Tripp wrote a book called The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln, in which he talked about that perhaps Abraham Lincoln's sexuality is not so clear-cut. But Abraham Lincoln had a sense of intimacy with many different types of people and an understanding from a... root sense that people are human. So even though he used, it's pretty clear that he did use racist language sometimes, he freed the slaves.

[11:58]

And that didn't come from nowhere. It came from a deep, unshakable belief in intimacy. I'm not going to go into his romantic life But in the world of attachment, he was married, of course, to Mary Todd Lincoln, and they had four children. And he had very powerful attachments in his life to many different kinds of friends, both male and female. And the letters are revealing in his life and set the light on him. this. For Makabucha Day, which is really about Buddhist practice, that day is celebrated throughout Thailand, as I understand it, to honor the first turning of the wheel of the Dharma.

[13:01]

And the kind of intimacy that, you know, if you look at Buddhism and its relationship with sex, and intimacy superficially, if you just take a quick look at it, you'll notice that there's a precept of not misusing sex, and in some traditions, brahmacharya or celibacy is the, in most traditions, is what monks do. In our tradition, ordained people can get married, and it's expected to be a long-lasting, faithful relationship. But our primary teachings about intimacy in our tradition are about the Bodhisattva vow. The basic feeling of may all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be at ease. May all beings reach full awakening.

[14:07]

And if you really examine this feeling, of intimacy, you'll see that it doesn't draw the same kind of lines as are usually drawn in Valentine's Day or even in the life of Abraham Lincoln, that the line isn't the same because your worst enemy, you still want them to attain perfect awakening. or to become perfectly awakened, if only so that they will understand what they did to you. But it's a kind of liberated selfishness to want everybody to be awakened, fully awakened. It's really the best thing for our own life. Dogen Senji talks about intimacy in Zen. Let's see if I can remember this. Maybe somebody can help me if I don't remember all of it.

[15:12]

This is in the Genzo Koan. Shobo Genzo, Genzo Koan. So the treasury of the true Dharma I and the fascicle or chapter is on the arising of the example of awakening of as part of everyday life or as part of everything. To study the Buddha way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be intimate with all things. all traces of awakening vanish, and this traceless awakening continues forever.

[16:14]

Okay, do you want to hear it again? Is that, was that people who remember it? Is that what you remember? Okay, to study the way of the Buddha is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be awakened by or intimate with all things. All traces of awakening disappear. And this traceless awakening continues forever. I should also say forever also means all space as well as all time. So it's all across the world is awakening and through all time is awakening. And that's the meaning of awakening.

[17:18]

But it doesn't have a trace. It doesn't have a specific way that it looks. Awakening. If it looks some specific way, it's not full awakening. It takes everyone and everything both to touch it and to show it. And that's the intimacy that's spoken of when we speak about intimacy in Buddhism. Of course, there are partial awakenings, and they create something that's more like romance. So often when somebody begins to practice, there's a sense of infatuation with the practice, and you really want to get the practice. And sometimes when you first see into the nature of things, there's a kind of infatuation with emptiness, and that's called Zen sickness. So there are romantic relationships with Buddhism. You know, it's Zen sickness. It's something to heal from. so that your view becomes full instead of part.

[18:22]

Even a bias towards awakening is a bias. Okay, so Buddha's vow is universal. Buddha's love is universal. And its manifestation is when we act as if we're interconnected with everyone and everything. So there are many stories about intimacy. There are many teachings about intimacy. I want to try to... I want to try to just read a couple of stories about love and intimacy that illustrate our tradition. Please excuse me. I need to change my legs. And... please feel free to take this advantage while I'm looking in a different direction. If you need to make yourself more comfortable to listen, please do.

[19:30]

For people who can sit still, that might be just taking a full breath. Okay? And adjust yourself so that you have a sense of support from the earth through the cushion. That the breath is fully flowing. And that there's a connection between you and me. Which there is. Okay, I'll just read the cases of this, of these teachings. because the cases are short and because I have them memorized. So I'll probably be able to get through them. So these are transmission stories in which the Dharma was entrusted between generations.

[20:34]

And these particular stories follow each other. They are ancestor 41 and 43. There was someone in between. But these two... Actually, I should tell you all of them. If I can't read them, I'll just tell you. So the first one was Great Master Tongan, the latter, Doan Kanshi. And he studied with Doan Dohi. So it's Doan Dohi and Doan Kanshi are the teachers that we're talking about. And so the... Doankanchi said to his teacher, the ancient, the ancient said, what worldly people love, I love not. What do you love, teacher? And the teacher said, I have already, that I have already been able to be like this.

[21:42]

Like this means thus. And so with those words, the student who was becoming a teacher was greatly awakened. What worldly people love, I love not. What you love, teacher, I've already been able to be like this. Oh, wow. Okay, next generation, get the head. 30 years or whatever. And so now the wow guy is the teacher of his student. His name is Vyanshan, Ryozan Enkan. The 42nd ancestor was priest Vyanshan. He studied with Dongan, the latter, Doan Kanshi, and served him. So the teacher of Dongan asked him, what is the business beneath the patched rope?

[22:47]

In other words, what are you doing? It was a time when the student who was the attendant was handing the teacher his robe when he was about to give a talk. So the teacher just turned to him and said, oh, robe, what's the business beneath the robe? And the student, Ryozan Enkan, said, You know, he froze. He didn't know what to say. So the teacher said, what's the business beneath the patchwork? And he went. And the teacher looked at him and said, when you study the Buddha way and you still don't reach this realm, that's the most painful thing. You know, now please ask me

[23:48]

So Ankan said, teacher, what is the business beneath the patch robe? And the teacher said, intimacy. Wow. OK, so he was greatly awakened. OK. So. Actually, it was really interesting. Then he asked him again. It doesn't say this in the story, but it says it in a different part of the comments on the story that I can't find right now. But then the teacher asked him again, okay, now, what's the business beneath the patch road? And Encon, the student, said, intimacy. And then his teacher said, intimacy. Intimacy.

[24:51]

You understand? Exactly. Intimacy. Intimacy. Yeah, exactly. It's like if I asked you, what's the business, Zenkei Roshi, what's the business beneath the patch rope? That's, like, don't stop at intimacy. Then, let's get ahead another 30 years or so, 20 or 30 years. And now, ENCON has a student, Ryoa. So, he asks the teacher, ENCON, Actually, wait a second. I'm not going to talk about that.

[25:55]

I'm talking about the 40. Now, I think I'll stop there. OK, the next one, it's not it's not quite as clear what the relationship is. So I want to stop with those two stories. So what do you love? What worldly people love? I love not. What do you love, teacher? I've already been able to be like this. Wow. What is the business beneath the patch road? Intimacy. Intimacy. Intimacy. Intimacy and upon intimacy. So I had, with this accident, I had the good fortune to experience was firsthand. So after the wall hit me, I couldn't speak.

[27:00]

I couldn't walk. Certainly couldn't cook or get places. I had a lot of medical appointments every day. I was throwing up. It wasn't really clear whether I was going to be coming back as myself. And so, among other people, Camilla called me every day to, or sometimes even twice a day, to make sure that I was here and answering. And said, oh, Winnie McGrath, who has nurse training, came over to my apartment and examined my eyes, okay? And Abby brought me flowers and bath salt. Ed Candler, see here, or in the dining room probably, drove me places as did Jordan.

[28:12]

Let's see, Janine brought me food. from Rainbow. Li Ping gave me acupuncture. Linda Galleon, when I had to speak to an interfaith group, she helped me understand what I was trying to say and to write it down in a way that other people could understand it. Blanche drove me around. Actually, now I'm learning how to drive again. I'm studying with AARP. And they have an eight-hour drive commercial. They have an eight-hour driver safety class that costs $15 for members and $20 for non-members. And it teaches you how to carry a state of continuous attention on the road. So I highly recommend it for a Zen student. Because... It'll make a bridge between your intention to be mindful and a specific way in which you can be mindful.

[29:21]

So I really recommend it. But I'm doing the course in 24 hours instead of in 8. And Blanche, Gloria, Jeffrey, Tia, Susan, and several other people who you don't know, who you won't see here, have helped me by giving me driving lessons. Jordan and Anna, Michael and Barbara, Mark and Nadine in the front office, Carol, Benjamin, Gita, and Jim, and Conan, and other people who I haven't named have all come forth with incredible kindness. So I feel very privileged within this situation to receive the kindness of so many people. It's such a teaching for me. It's incredible. It's amazing. I can't say too much about it.

[30:22]

I won't say too much about it because I can't, actually. So, but even, and another thing about this injury is that it's bracketed by two weddings. So the day, a couple days before the injury, married two women who had been partners for 27 years and wanted to be married before Election Day because they knew that their marriage might be threatened to be overturned if they weren't married before Election Day. And now that I'm beginning to heal, I can do another wedding next week. And this is with a couple who are active, their Buddhist practice has encouraged them to become vegans. And I'm not saying that every Buddhist practitioner has to be a vegan, but for these two people, this is the expression.

[31:32]

And they are expressing their veganism as a way of stopping oppressive behavior among species. Okay? So they are saying the vows, and they are saying them, they're saying married vows, both of these couples, who are so completely different as to, you know, they're just really different two sets of people, but they hold these vows in common, not just marriage vows, but bodhisattva vows. They're saying the precepts as part of their ceremony to be awakened with all beings. I have two poems to read to you and one is the poem that I read sometimes as part of the or that the congregation reads sometimes as part of the marriage ceremony.

[32:39]

So when it's not a Buddhist couple Sometimes I'll offer them a poem to read as a group to make a sacred space where a wedding can occur. And this is the poem that I sometimes use. This is called The Dance, and it's by Wendell Berry. I would have each couple turn, join and unjoin. Be lost. in the greater turning of other couples, woven in the circle of a dance, the song of long time flowing. Flowing over them so they may return, turn again into themselves out of desire greater than their own.

[33:39]

Belonging to all, to each, to the dance and the song that moves them through the night. What is fidelity? To what does it hold? The point of departure or the turning road that is departure. and absence and the way home. What we are and what we were once are far estranged. For those who would not change, time is infidelity. But we are married until death. and are betrothed to change.

[34:43]

By silence so I learn my song. I earn my sunny fields by absence once and to come. And I love you as I love the dance that brings you out of the multitude in which you come and go. Love changes. And in the change is true. So I love this poem. I started using this in weddings in the 80s. And I've used it at about 50% of weddings until now. I love it. You can find it in a book called The Country of Marriage by Wendell Berry. And the other poem I want to read, I don't really want to comment on these poems because they comment on me.

[35:53]

So I don't feel like I have to comment on them, only to read them. And I hope they'll say something about what I need. This one Blanche spoke on Wednesday and it's also a poem that I love. And this one's called Messenger by Mary Oliver. My work is loving the world. Hear the sunflowers, there the hummingbird, equal seekers of sweetness. Hear the quickening yeast, there the blue clumps. Hear the clam deep in the speckled sand.

[37:01]

Is my boots old? Is my coat torn? Am I no longer young and still not half perfect? Let me keep my mind on what matters, which is my work. which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished. The Phoebe, the Delphinium, the sheep in the pasture and the pasture, which is mostly rejoicing. all the ingredients are here which is gratitude to be given a mind and a heart and these body clothes a mouth with which to give shouts of joy to the moth and the wren to the sleepy dug up clam telling them all over and over how it is

[38:34]

that we live forever. I think I need to stop now so that I'll be able to stand up. Please be patient if it takes me a lot. We make thanks for Valentine's Day, for freeing the slaves, and for remembering true love. That true love and awakening are one and the same.

[39:33]

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