This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. This is the first day of the Spring Sashin that completes the practice period in which we are studying the six perfections, generosity, morality, patience. energy, meditation, and wisdom. So these are qualities of character that define a spiritual path. I spoke about that in one of my talks. And this is a path of self-understanding towards a clearer view of unfolding reality. And it can be negotiated in many ways. So the way advocated and emphasized in this Buddhist teaching is the cultivation of character towards insight into balancing compassion and wisdom for your own sake and the sake of others.

[01:18]

In other words, this is the path of the Bodhisattva. So one aspect of this path is learning to recognize the relationship between self-pity and self-compassion. And these are both very important aspects of the human condition and our experience. And they remind us of the poignancy of our life in the midst of its struggles and its joys. So we've made a commitment to joining this sushin, both knowing and not knowing what it will bring. At the same time, we can remember this is a week. It's just a week. And in these days, we'll have several experiences, including these simple ones related to making an effort to be silent.

[02:27]

And I think during the first few days as we settle in, conversation and ordinary responses will arise regarding speech. And this is part of settling into Sashin is getting through that period where you're adjusting to silence. Because silence is one of the basic disciplines of Sashin. And... It's not easy to establish or maintain it. This isn't how we usually live our lives. You know, we have to figure out where we're supposed to be next and what's happening. And if you're a server, there's lots of talk you have to engage in over the first few days. And then you usually find a rhythm with your crew. And it's very wonderful to watch that happening during Sashin. So in the midst of this, you know, We might be proud of ourselves, or just relaxed, or we might be embarrassed, or we'll be critical of ourselves or others, and this is true of all the Sushin disciplines.

[03:37]

And it's also part of settling in, sort of finding our way. So I think it's good to remember that you just notice how you respond, see how it informs your effort, and move on to the next thing. Now meditation is actually the main discipline of sishin. And in this context, the term discipline is, you know, not something, it's not related to punishment or restriction, but it's how can we be a disciple of the Buddha? Figuring that out. And I think we can assume that sishin will not be easy for anyone. Or what would be the point of restricting ourselves in this way? I mean, why would you do that to do something easy?

[04:41]

Squeeze yourself. And that doesn't mean that it won't be enjoyable and rewarding and overall and moment after moment. So they're entwined. In the Saripatthana Sutra, the four foundations of mindfulness, the first foundation is contemplation of the body in the body. And the first two aspects are mindfulness of breathing and mindfulness of postures. And these are the basic Zazen instructions in Zen meditation. And the breath, you know, I think for both beginners and people who've been meditating for a long time, you can return to this practice of following the breath. I think there was a Sashin talk where Suzuki Roshi said, okay, today we're going to count our breaths. And so he was reminding people of this meditation.

[05:44]

So the counting of the breaths can be something you can just follow the breath, just notice, whether it's long or short, deep or shallow. Or you can count the breaths, and that means counting as you exhale. And the limit is 10, and you count until you're distracted by a thought, by something, anything, and you go back to one. So mostly you'll get to about three or four if you're doing that counting, maybe five. until you notice how quickly the mind gets distracted, I guess, is one way to put it. So the attention of the breath is based in attention to one's posture. So there's all different postures. You know, it goes from full lotus, half lotus, all the different variations up to kneeling and sitting in a chair or lying down.

[06:53]

And all of these postures are references for our breath. Other postures are standing and walking. And that's pretty obvious as we're moving around and waiting and doing all kinds of things. But one specific meditation is kinhin. And in that meditation or that walking, you inhale as you lift the back foot. And then as you place it, you exhale. and that's the rhythm of kinhin. So you don't force the breath, but you follow it, and you let it relate to your posture, and your posture relate to your breath. So this checking one's posture and following the breath helps to establish a type of meditation called shamatha, or calming meditation. And the role of self-pity in all this is that we may have pain and anxiety.

[07:59]

It's almost guaranteed in some way. And this is both physical and mental. And we may make mistakes. So I think those experiences can arise and they can relate to past experiences or similar states. And that increases their current effect because you're not doing anything else to distract yourself. So I think there's no reason to feel uncomfortable about this or embarrassed. I think we can hold those present and past experiences with respect and tolerance for their current arising. And physical pain can be tolerated and alleviated in various ways. I think in a way I would not prescribe that to anyone because each person has a particular tolerance and attention and way they relate to pain or stress.

[09:06]

But I think in my experience I figured out my own way and I would rather people did that. It can be pain or some kind of physical distress can be an object of meditation, or it can be a distraction. Sometimes, you know, in the past, it's actually allowed me to access some sorrow or anger that had been long unexpressed in my life, and that has been very freeing. So these times of anxiety and pain are where self-compassion can be applied. In his Dharma talk a week ago, Reb was speaking about Avalokiteshvara, the hearer of the cries of the world. And I have found, and this is also a meditation instruction, that listening to the sounds around one, you know, these cries of the world, as you sit meditation, can be very...

[10:14]

supportive and helpful in allowing you to settle. And this is another form of shamatha or calming meditation, to hear the sounds, follow the breath, and have those things correlated in a certain way. And calming meditation is kind of accomplishment, so you shouldn't expect it to just come up and be there, but you get hints of it. And if you can establish it, it shifts your relationship to the schedule and to everything. So to yourself, to others. And you may recognize how unfamiliar calmness is in your life. So in a way, it might be disorienting even while it's beneficial.

[11:17]

And this calming meditation is another form of self-compassion. So the first few days of Sashin can be challenging. And this has partly to do with our stopping our ordinary activity. and concentrating on following a schedule that begins very early and ends late. I think at the same time, the schedule supports our effort and it provides a container and a context for the activities of the day to flow in between each other, like zazen, meals, rest, work, just start flowing and relating to each other that you can carry the energy of one into the other during the day.

[12:25]

So for some of you, this is your first asheen. And I welcome you to this extraordinary practice that's very difficult to find in our ordinary lives. And, you know, you probably have participated in some shorter practice retreats or sashins. And those experiences can be very supportive in getting used to the rhythm of the days. And some of you have participated in a few or many sashins or similar retreats, and I welcome your trust in this container and familiarity with its ups and downs. So my approach to this tissue has involved or included making decisions about my personal physical strengths and limitations. I've had three bone-type surgeries on my foot, on my lower back, and on my neck.

[13:31]

So before the surgeries, They really make you wait for surgery when you have these conditions. And so I went through a lot of pain, and there's some nerve damage and that sort of thing. And so I just had to make some decisions about how I was going to negotiate that, depending on all the other things in my life. And in my many years at Zen Center, I've... I've had jobs that required a lot of strength and physical exertion, particularly in the kitchens at City Center in Tassajara, where you're washing pots and dishes and carrying heavy things around, like hotel pans full and boxes of produce and all those things. And then there's these ordinary things of how we move furniture and Zafus and Zabutans around. And I really enjoy physical exertion. I think it's a part of our community life and I miss it that I cannot do that anymore.

[14:36]

I miss my freedom to engage in that. But I don't usually talk about or say anything about my physical situations because I think it's just a part of my unfolding life. Certain things have happened to me, injuries, whatever, overdoing or whatever like that. This is where I am with it. So it was interesting. I once went to speak to a teacher, and the person looked at my sitting bench and said, how long are you going to be using that? And pointed to it. And I was so surprised, I didn't even answer. So the irony is that CESA was always my most unfavorite position. And that's kind of what I can do now. So these, you know, these are, I'm telling you all this, you know, because we look at each other and we make comparisons and, you know, these are based in pride or concern or shame or compassion or acceptance or whatever.

[15:51]

But we are doing this, you know, kind of looking around and seeing who's this, who's that. So I think that one view to develop during Sashin is keeping your focus on your own practice at the same time as you move through the container of Sashin and stay connected to it. And I know, you know, there are times during the Sashin I'll feel regret and embarrassment, you know, at my limitations, but also this happiness at what I can offer, whatever it might be, to others. So these... ways of seeing each other and examining ourselves and judging ourselves and what we can do and can't do and all that kind of stuff.

[16:52]

I think it's one of the things to examine as we're sitting meditation, as we're moving around, as we engage in all the activities of Sashin, and to kind of release ourselves and others from all of that. Elizabeth Bishop wrote a long poem about Robinson Crusoe. He's a fictional character based on a real person who was shipwrecked and spent many years on a desert island. And the poem is from Robinson Crusoe's view after he's back in England. And he's reflecting on his experience. And he remembers, I often gave way to self-pity. Do I deserve this? I suppose I must. I wouldn't be here otherwise. Was there a moment when I actually chose this? I don't remember, but there could have been.

[17:55]

What's wrong about self-pity anyway? With my legs dangling down familiarly over a crater's edge, I told myself, pity should begin at home. So the more pity I felt, the more I felt at home. And I think this is one way to, it can work, you know, to realize our suffering and the suffering of others in the Buddhist sense. It's something to be recognized, negotiated, become familiar with, and examine with both compassion and wisdom. And part of compassion is to endure our limitations and the positive and negative judgments we make about ourselves and others. And I think wisdom helps prevent us from being overly harsh or overly kind. You know, assuming that we know better about others and their experience and about the ways they've negotiated or about how we should be rather than who we are or how we are.

[19:06]

So this compassion and wisdom, you know, we've... through each other to offer a balanced view of our practice, both its intention and its expression. So as you settle into the schedule and its repetitions, remember the possibilities of meditation in your effort to end suffering and encourage the bodhisattva way for yourself and others. Thank you very much.

[20:10]

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