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when sorry right when the gisha came to pick me up i was getting up from my desk and i got a strong twinge my back like
week and sharp weakness of the back and sharp pain they fast
and then it felt like well maybe i couldn't pick up my book
or get dressed and then it went away
to walk in here seemed fine bowing seemed fine but death i've never had problems with my back before so any moment i may collapse in a heap and you can count me off to the nirvana haha
anyway you also may be experiencing difficulties with your back with your neck shoulders ankles calves
sitting bones
what me oh yeah new
you let us not forget knees knees ears no perch of our bodies i left out in this ah part of what we might be having problems with internally externally
this is some are human life
so please everyone or take
very very very good care of yourself know yourself intimately know what's just enough what's too much
and what's not enough to actually feel in the session
what's indulging in now
what's the word down
have a great word
well i think of it anyway indulging in cushy kind of to comfortable or indulging in too much
painful activity
so please everyone take great care and getting into your posture and crossing yourself for getting up and
at the beginning especially you know i have sciatica so i i have to be very careful that not even a quarter of an inch of my robe is under my leg in a certain weight or my leg will go numb so i have to in i think it's all fine and dandy and then i sit for a little bit and i
can i begin to feel it going numb so that means there must be some tiny little old and i missed you know so i have to re
arrange their oh okay
once you settle yourself you may need to readjust don't be shy
that's different from fidgeting you know
i guess leslie didn't come back yet
i thought she was coming back this morning because anyone know
when late last night so
this is lesley story but am i will tell it
there was a student here
years ago we were at just heard the same time i was here as well with him and he just was here for a couple practice periods and then went off to do other things and you know as a first or second practice period person he never took responsibility or crew head or
the dough on or any of those things and leslie bumped into him somewhere of afterwards couple of years later and said to him what come
i was test to her for you or what what how did it in what was the meaning of it for you in your life and he said because you know it with someone who is here kind of briefly really
not very noticeably making a mark on does are like particularly just
regular person
so she asked him but what was test her like for you and he said
being at tassajara
was when i joined the human race
you test i was when i joined the human race or rejoined maybe
so ah
this life here so simple so unremarkable in some ways what what is it that we're doing get up
sit a little bit have some breakfast chant in there
do some work take a bath
eat you know
and yet
this is unspeakably inconceivably
powerful in our life
and we may feel like we're joining the human race again joining human beings
and you know i think i agree with that i think as as you know my first year so here i didn't notice
anything leaves and the trees
the birds the butterflies go nothing i i i was completely in despair miserable and yet in an an inconceivable way tassajara life this very simple life was
meeting me
and you know this story of the fox you know in some way i feel like i had a maybe a fox possession in some way i was there was some quality of being unable to
meet others unable to meet myself unable to meet the world
and this spell you know slowly by slowly was
he and i think this happens
kind of in the dark you know it happens in a way that we can't get hold of or track how it is that we join the human realm
while we're busy find the schedule and making a bag lunch meanwhile somewhere been
beyond our ah
outside of our perceptions there is so you know
settling and
new life new growth
but in the dark kind of like under the ground with the roots you know
huh so we are given problems
i say we are given me cancer
this back problem or ankle problem or nice or whatever it is this is something that for you
it wasn't meant for somebody else
although you may wish it was but it's exactly the problems that we have fit us like glove
and die
hey if we say no to our problems if we say ah and run you know trying to avoid calamity
they will meet us in some other form
our problems that we notice in sashaying are not
new and fresh were there are problems that we may not have been taking care of are noticing before
so as i was mentioned to someone today
our sixteen time is like alchemically it's like being in the crucible right in them
in the cauldron or the crucible over the fire and then putting the heat up you know turning the temperature high so we can really cook
and and then paying attention so it doesn't burn keep stirring you know
and we voluntarily sam gonna go into this crucible i'm gone in
with all my friends you know here we go
so that the voluntary nature of it is so
we can work with her life and a different way than
what feels like the involuntary nature of the difficulties that come ah
our day to day thinks they may feel like they are coming unbidden from all over
but sashing it's voluntarily
we don't go looking for problems they are just right here
because impact
huh so i i feel like telling some stories today you know if you heard the term river tooth a river
two then you know that term river to
i'm in river sometimes there's some the banks of the river have like a big boulder or a big tree trunk it's kind of growing half in the river and as the banks change as the river flows and gets higher and lower in the banks change it
soil around like a big boulder or of tree trunk and then those are left kind of sticking out on the banks of the river like teeth you can picture that like
river and the cold river teeth and also this term liberty is used for times in our life
that remain kind of sticking out in our mind her or as up
landmark or up bench barker if you think of you know how many thousands of hours and days and encounters and conversations and so forth we've all had in our lives whether we're in our twenties or early sixties but there's certain ones that stand out for
some reason those are the river teeth and they may not be all that remarkable and this river tooth came to mind which was a it's a suzuki roshi story but it's not like a big teaching story
but it must be because i it's a river tooth for me and it's it's a story of my first year at zen center which was zookeeper oh she's last year nineteen seventy one
and he was ill at the time
but he would sometimes stay after room dinner he would eat dinner not every night but often in the dining room at page street and then stay after just sit at the table
and people would sit around and have tea and just talk so i would join and being a newer student i didn't have much to say i just was watching kit you know and i remember this one night
he was drinking green tea
and he said something like gum
green when you drink green tea and then he went like this with his hand
did you see that which he would he was pointing to the fact that
green tip when you drink green tea you have to pee
it goes and then kind of out
and then he chuckled
and i remember thinking isn't that funny the zen masters talking about the fact that he has to pee when he drinks green tea
that green tea makes a p more and and then i realized that i had noticed that because i had never had green tea before coming as and center and i too had noticed
that green tea there is this correlation between drinking green tea and having to pee more frequently you know which i hadn't thought to mention to anybody
but it was it was this hume a talk about joining the human race which i hadn't yet join just his saying
when you drink green tea
and then chuckling
there was something for me was a river truth rate it was
see what did it mean to me it meant
being a zen master meant being a regular person that lived and
eight and went to the bathroom and it just it was like not this
i don't know some idea i had of what zen master was and not only that you could kind of joke about it and just be with people
in a non special way i think it was all that and more
probably nobody else in the daniel remembered him even saying that you know i don't know but for me it was a river to
he no embarrassment know i'm
what kind of teaching is involved in this you know it was just it was so
nothing in the so
and then later speaking of peeing later i remember category roshi and you probably read this to talking about and the night and persons like a horse pissing to know that
that analogy and then i remember being a green gulch and seeing a horse or is standing there in the field
and think remembering how hero she's saying that that was like an enlightened person
get it gave me pause you know it to
watch this horse but yeah it was just
it was serve remarkable just standing there took away
any rate
i think that's why we love them that kind of aesthetic in a very varied down-home very young unremarkable and
so it was helpful in breaking and kind of illusion about i don't know what
zen masters i guess
huh so
there's something that i just remember that i've been wanting to mention it's a form thing
wow for service in the morning when we do that bow
the dedication to shakyamuni buddha a great original picture it's over and we there's a bellamy if we're
in says that we go down into a bow and because we can't see what anybody else is doing sometimes we don't know how to actually what the former's for that bow so i just thought i'd mention since i've noticed that people are doing a different ways so we have our hands and gosh show when the bell goes and then week
go down and keeping r gosh our fists with from our nose right all the way down until our hands touched the ground and then we stop with a fists with from
no one to my bags can do i do this so when we hit the tsar bhutan with the hands we stop
i think for a long time i thought it was a good time to rest my head and i'd put my hand down on my hands and then i exerted rubbed my eyes will little been to a few grooming activities if you know nobody could see
so to me that's the forum hands the gosh show fists with the way all the way down and then you just hold it there okay so i just thought i'd mentioning in case you hadn't been practicing that form
so ah
we have been looking at this by zhang fox yeah cujo in the fox and i don't know about you but it seems to be kind of i can't help thinking about it and turning it
maybe some of you are turning it and others are saying and wish you'd stop talking about the fox really but whatever is happening for you i just wanted to one
ah bring up some
other points around it
one thing in the commentary and the show your roku
in the introduction which i read the other day it says
has there ever been anyone who mistakenly transgressors
has there and ever been anyone who mistakenly transgressors so if we look at what the word as i didn't look up transgress but to transgress means to go against down
i should look it up with transgress means but town
to break to go against the precepts that say to go against our
understanding or the truth to transgress
and has anyone ever done that mistakenly is it possible to do that mistakenly
now in this study of karma over this practice period
there has been some instances where there's questions like if you do something harmful light hurt someone or
that you did it
is that a transgression is that a violation of the precepts
and from what i understand is no way if you make a mistake
that is not called violation of the precepts
the violation of the presets has to include one's intention one's motivation ones
ah the chicken not the volitional action has to be there but to do something
without knowing is not called violation of the precepts are is not called transgression so has there ever been anyone who mistakenly transgresses
so i guess within the word transgressive itself included in that word his intention
and if something happens and someone says hey that hurt
it might be a surprise and we might say i'm sorry you know it is their transgression
he go ahead
that's right
so that the cause and effect on their yes someone got hurt there is because it cause and effect but the karmic transgression violation of the precepts
according to your subjective
moral caught karmic life yes
here's some events it's different so cause and effect
he is not necessarily always karmic

where a lot of

well i think that middle area is not so middle as much as if you if you can look at where there is the intention to not pay attention or where there is the intention to indulge in whatever unwholesome whatever so
this i'm not sure so sure it's gray but it may not be
i may not correspond to that cause an effect but there's something going on there that is intentional
yes jackie
so you
i purposefully intend to do something
but not in your consciousness is to hurt anyone or to do anything on a wholesome than just your you intend to do something
and then you find out that there was
some kind of ah
so so the question is wherein is the karma
well ah
you know the fact that are aren't we had
i'm view was too narrow you know let's say we didn't have a wide enough understanding of
of the nature of our activity or of that particular action
may include karmic
coverings you know
or glacier let's say
afflict of emotions that covered in such a way that we couldn't actually see widely enough so in that way there may be some kind of transgression but that this this correlation between i intend to do this
and my intention as far as i can see is not to harm is to do
take care of things well or kindly year whatever it is
but the unintended
happens so i think it's a different kinds of kind of transgression been
that you intended for that to happen that you wanted that to happen
so the use of narrow and blind
thank you
people want to talk today
i think it


did everyone here ever it
so this
arising this horrific event has happened
how does the person practice with enduring enduring and bearing
this arising

hey there's no blue
there's no blame
but there is suffering
and remorse and
this man carries this for the rest of his life
how then is that transmuted into
and awakened life
that's the cause and effect there
the bodhisattva it said that the bodhisattva
knowingly and willingly transgressors do know that little phrase the bodhisattva knowingly and willingly transgressors
this is sometimes talked about the body suffered
continues to ah
you know wait until all beings have been fully enlightened before
their final enlightenment waiting to all beings have crossed over you know so they knowingly and willingly returned to this world are all the different realms in order to help beings so out of compassion the bodhisattva
knowingly and willingly transgresses meaning gets mixed up in the human realm of cause and effect and
the whole
the whole ball of wax
knowingly and willingly now ah
you know we have this image of the lotus and muddy water
and the lotus grows up in it it's roots and stam and everything is in the mud and then it comes up in it flowers over the water
lifted up above the water but completely rooted in the water and this image of the lotus as the bodhisattva you know completely
ah knowingly and willingly in the mud and yet ah
flower and yet are flowering
mean the body suffer
yeah well my understanding is the knowingly and willingly get right back on the wheel with ignorance current formations are right in the marketplace with everybody doing
you know drinking green tea hanging out ah

why i think the motivation is out of compassion for the beings
the body self knowingly and willingly transgressive i can think of transgressing with quotes around it but you can't tell the difference you can't they're not
they're just with people you know like in the marketplace with give peace during hands you can't tell who they are you can't they are not separated
in some pure pure away their purity is knowingly and willingly transgressing
or being in the mud
i see a blank
yeah well i guess i feel that way to
taking human form
how did you hear sonia he's hit louder
yeah why

yeah yeah well my understanding is the taking
remaining in the world staying with people is a kind of ah
yeah i think with a wink with a wink and nod transgression but but if you're going to be in the human world there's going to be
there's gotta be problems
huh yes

i think there's some using the transgressions as a way to develop ourselves using our problems as risa
source as
ah without our problems
how would we develop you know
without these supposed transgressions how would we understand how to help other people who transgress
don't you feel that when you really had some difficulty and you know it thoroughly
and settled with it
and our intimate with it then you can be with somebody else with their problem right
you know if you know what their it doesn't scare you

wait a minute this is something joan told cygwin last summer and now it's become part of cygwin

we don't know what it is okay

well you know that story i think we've told a baby this practice period about the m i make it maybe sonia told him about the monk who was in the hut and that ladies and ladies land and she was taking feeding him and giving him this shelter and he practices in and for long time you know that story
okay and then she thought she would see you know how we developing into a bodhisattva rate so she tested him by sending her beautiful sixteen year old daughter they're always sixteen
to kind of flirt with him and see what happens and he remained you know
practicing zazi unmoving was not bothered in the least right and when she heard that she drove him out burned down the hut and said if i'd known you were that kind of a person i never would have been feeding you all these years get out you know
that story you know to me as like gum
you know turning away and touching in are both wrong for it is like a massive fire so had he gotten involved with her daughter i think she probably would have drove him out burned his head down as well you know broken the six month rule
had he ain't but what he did was that that would have been touching right massive fire but he did turning away i am a zen student nothing can bother me i sit and don't pay attention to
whenever that's a kind of turning away as very cold right just like with a fire you touch it you get burned if you turn away get too far away your cold so what might he have done in that circumstance we don't know because this particular fellow
was trying not to transgress basically what would it have been to knowingly and willingly transgress meaning i don't know what is
there what would it have been
probably would have been in the show your roku that story how he
offered her a cup of tea
green tea and then he went
so i think this is a a very important point for our practice this turning away and touching for us
and i don't know about our hearts and i don't want to say i think traditionally they're set up in that way in relation to body surface as being you know i can be a maturity sutra did the fall guys a little bit for the for the wonderful body surface molecule to you know that the our hearts
you know don't want to get ruffled or have their pure practice get messed up
in various ways so there's a lot of humor in that but i'm our hearts you know we make we have dedications for our hearts and our hearts are
you know wonderful beings
but traditionally they're they're used in that way as a contrast thing
but for us what might be turning away and touching what might be attachment to pure practice or attachment to
not transgressing hear what looks like
shining practice body surface you know and what's actually
being now
warned you know being in the world in a warm way without

i was

as knowingly and willingly transgressing
that cohen is some
ha maybe so i don't know what to say but dumb how that cat could have been saved
dogan also has a whole list of things that he would have said or what the students could have it you know to one
ah to respond and onto on there but sometimes there are actions that are taken that we don't understand
you know this thing that i mention about the lousy human being in the great zen master you know that is not necessarily
we may see something and feel and day
i remember there was a instance actually mayor was involved in this if i made me wear reb was teaching and there were there were a lot of visitors it was a either a call on class or some kind of
class where the elder hostel had a elder hostel is a green gulch and so there's a lot of visitors older people who were going to studies and for the week you know and may and rib had this really strong back and forth where rib i don't know if you raised his voice or he just you may have a real
lee like meeting
i felt knowing mayor and knowing rib and knowing how long they've been practicing together and their relationship and commitment teacher student it was like it was intense and it was great this is my point of view and i ended up talking with about five elder hostel people who were like
what happened there what the teacher and he was so mean to her and editor and it was like
it was obvious to me they couldn't see what was intimate
waking up this what was some
if they they couldn't see it it was like so they may have so little ribs allows a human being or something in poor man but
you know
so we have to be very careful about judging in that way you know
we have to know who the people are what is the relationship that that either works or doesn't work you know
and there's taking me you know reading these stories that are seeing something like that and trying it out on your own like what happened to me once when i was
you've probably heard this story but leading the cold valleys and group that was meeting at the costs are bread bakery on sunday nights
for about two years and there was very new students who had come once a week and a sunday night in this one fellow after having read some of the colin's you know someone brought something up and he grabbed her by the scruff of her own shirt and kind of sugar around
well she was it was she was being assaulted she felt and he thought well it's just like the cohens you know you know i'm kind of like long bow some
i happened to not have been there that night this was the name phantom somebody else was there and they told me about this thing that happened you know and i had big meetings and you know
facilitators and
so you you can
mistakenly have ideas about what's a zen action you know and what's just dumb
dilution you know about who you are an and what kind of you know these zen stories come out of intimacy and practicing together and thoroughly
taking refuge together it's not gimmick
so how
so i'm done
you may want to talk a little bit more so this is what i was going to ask you i was going to ask you could tell me
who by zhang was just somebody call it out
who is based on just one thing about him that you know
okay anything else
yeah regulations
oh yeah and what happened was what happened in this column what was he doing when the collins starts out
when yes give you a diamond talk and and and then what happened
what did he notice
where was the old man
and what happened one day was giving a series of talks what happened one day
no man stayed behind and and what'd by jack say to the old man
and what do the guys say

and them and what happened when back in the day but what happened to him
what was that question
all those are are translated that way and then what what did you say to that student
how does not fall into cause and effect and what happened
five hundred lifetimes a body of a fox
black slavery is and
so then then what does he say to by zhang the by zhang of the mountain now
what was that
turn of phrase
and by zhang s him so dass me again
so we what did he say
and by zhang of the present day said
it's that well
and what happened
then what did he what did he say then
what is the the the man fuck span say tub asia
what happened next
he called the director and said
and the the monks what they think about that
how come
so after lunch what happened
in do a grant oh yeah and what happened in there
dad found it yeah and then
cremated it like a monk
so that was that activity of the afternoon and then what happened leader
yes and what did he how to bring it up
and what happened next
a tall pearl head yet
call pearl with what did he say
but how tall was he
and what did he ask
and what did by zhang say
so this seven foot head came forward and what happens
and what did by zhang do
and said

hey that was fun
that happened
that was master moto bhaijaan
his nose got twisted
when they talked about wild ducks
something just occurred to me about wild decks but it's a little off color so i don't know if i should tell you but in the spirit of green tea discussions

my daughter when she was five years old had a little friend
who we drove to a birthday party or something and she was in the car and she said she added
a list i think and associates which sounded really cute and she said out of the blue she just offered this information to us she said you know what my dad said when he farts and nice we said no when she said low flying ducks

you are