This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning, everyone. This is a day that is... All three things, a one-day sitting, the third day of a seshin, and the last day of the spring practice period all rolled up into one day. The practice period theme, as many of you know, has been... practicing with noble speech, upright and complete, practicing with noble speech. And for the past six weeks, we've been turning the Buddha's teachings on right speech, noble speech, and practicing, each person practicing and noticing their own patterns of speech, areas that need attention, areas they never thought to pay any attention to at all.

[01:19]

and our teacher Dogen, as well as many other teachers, Suzuki Roshi and Shantideva, the Indian monk of the 8th century, and I would say all throughout the Buddhist offerings, teachings, stories, many things turn on speech and expression, and full expression. And yesterday at the the full moon ceremony, I was again struck by how many of our ten major precepts have to do with speech, have to do with taking care, observing the precepts of not telling falsehoods, not slandering, not disparaging the triple treasure, not harboring ill will, not praising ourself, and I would say every one of the precepts, if you look carefully enough, you see there's the karma of speech that's included or could be included if you use, if you look at not taking what is not given and apply it to your speech, you might see how one takes up a lot of space with frivolous talk and idle chatter, which the Buddha asks us to abandon.

[02:47]

So this study of speech is a lifetime study. It never ends. And each day there's opportunities to practice. So during Sashin, however, during a one-day sitting, we've been practicing another kind of expression, which is silence. The practice of being silent and still. And... This is an expression as well. This is communication, conveying our practice, communicating with one another, being in touch with ourselves in a very deep way. Suzuki Roshi has a chapter in Not Always So called, I think it's called Expressing Yourself Fully. Expressing Yourself Fully. And Dogen Zenji has a fascicle in his master work, Shobo Genzo, that's called, translated by Tanahashi-san, as expressions.

[03:59]

And in Japanese, that fascicle is dōtoku, dōtoku, which is translated as expressions or voicing the way. And the dō of dōtoku means two things, it means to speak, And it also means the way or the, you know, the way in terms of Buddha way or practice way, dao. So do toku, toku is being able to, having the ability to. So putting those two together, it's having the ability to speak or the ability to express oneself. And it, the meaning of this do toku over time to not just being able to speak, but being able to express the truth, to express ourselves fully. And we can express ourselves fully using speech, the dough of speaking, but also all of our actions really express ourselves and convey our understanding.

[05:13]

I wanted to bring up just kind of today in the talk two people, one a present-day person and one who died in 1968, but the first person I want to bring up in terms of expressing oneself fully is a person named Alex Honold, I think it's pronounced Honold, Honold. Just to mention, I don't know, some of you may know who I'm talking about. My son, my youngest son, is at Yosemite for the summer in the last three years on the Yosemite search and rescue team. And he told me when I talked with him a couple days ago about this event that happened, which was Alex Honnold, this relatively young person, climbed El Capitan, the captain, El Cap.

[06:22]

This 3,000 high mass of granite, 3,000 feet high, like higher than any skyscraper and wide. He free soloed it. He climbed it without rope or any aids whatsoever. And it's to the climbing world, but also to the whole world, this is maybe the most athletic, amazing athletic feat of all history. And the climbing that he practiced and practiced and practiced these places on El Capitan with minuscule, tiny, what you can't even see as a handhold or a foothold, these slight protuberances that he could see and practiced moving from one to another sequences of moves. And he did it.

[07:26]

You can read about it in the New York Times. And my son said that he had friends on the wall. My son has done it, too. It took him three or four days. You sleep in your, this bed that hangs off the wall. And he did it in, I think, four hours, three and a half hours. It is an unfathomable, really, accomplishment. And this person is a humble, unprepossessing, quiet kind of a guy with a clear sense and his full expression is climbing. And he's... has the physicality and I've heard that his amygdala where fear, the part of the body where fear is very low, it's very low.

[08:30]

Doesn't have, they tested him for that. So this kind of heroic and also this full expression of a life in this way. So we can express ourselves in speech and in action and in silence. And I want to bring up another person whose full expression was in silence, and I'll mention that at the end. So in Suzuki Roshi's chapter, Not Always So, he says expressing ourselves fully is not just doing anything we want to do. When we do anything we want to do, and follow that kind of karmic tendencies and patterns and habits, it's very superficial activity. And the way we meet one another when we're following just our preferences in that way is not fully expressing ourselves, but more superficial.

[09:46]

So sometimes people do things like have a temper tantrum in the kitchen or something or lose their temper or yell. And then when someone brings that up to them, they might say, well, I'm just expressing myself. That's who I am. And I always feel that's a kind of excuse in some way to say, well, it's not expressing ourselves fully in the fullest, in our full intention to be present to act from loving kindness and generosity, compassion, patience, all the perfections, and to then say, well, that's my, I'm just expressing myself, so, you know, that's who I am, get used to it. To me, misses the depth and the world of full expression that is as wide as it can be. And it narrows it down. to habit energy being expressed.

[10:52]

So I think that's a point for all of us to look at and do we make excuses calling it, you know, that's just who I am, which is more of a fixed idea than who are we in this moment as we try to meet this situation. So there's a koan that is in the Blue Cliff Record and also in the Gateless Gate called the, it's translated several ways, but something like the outsider. It's somebody who was not a Buddhist practitioner. The outsider questions the Buddha. And in this koan, this non-Buddhist who was in India came to the Buddha and said to the Buddha, I do not ask for words, nor do I ask for no words.

[12:03]

Or I do not ask for the spoken, nor do I ask for the not spoken. And the Buddha just remained silent, completely silent. And after a while, this person who wasn't a Buddhist practitioner said, he praised the Buddha saying, the world honored one has greatly helped me and cleared away the clouds of delusion, opened the gate of compassion for me and he bowed and bowed and bowed and then went on his way. And Ananda, who was there, the Buddha's attendant and family member, a cousin, and his attendant for many years was there, and he said to the Buddha, what happened, what was it that happened that the outsider or this non-Buddhist person should bow to you and say that?

[13:06]

What did he realize? And the Buddha said, he is like a fine horse, that runs at the shadow of the whip. So that's the koan. So just to say it again, this person, this outsider, this non-Buddhist came to the Buddha and said, I don't ask for the spoken, and I don't ask for the non-spoken. It wasn't even a question almost, he just... made this statement, expressed himself. And the Buddha just sat, fully expressing Buddha nature, fully expressing himself too. And after a pause, the non-Buddha said, The great compassion of the world honored one has cleared away all my doubts and opened the gate of compassion and bowed and bowed, enabling me to realize my true self, bowing, bowing.

[14:27]

And Ananda afterwards said, what was it that this person realized that he should in such a way. The Buddha said, he is like a fine horse that runs at the shadow of the whip. So that's this koan. And this image of the horse that runs at the shadow of the whip comes from Shakyamuni Buddha. It's in the Pali Canon where he talks about four horses. One that runs at the shadow of the whip. Suzuki Roshi brings this up in in his teachings as well. So this is an image that's passed on over and over. A horse that runs at the shadow of the whip needs, doesn't need very much, like a tiny little protuberance, and you see your way up a mountain, completely so present and so ready to respond to

[15:32]

The Buddha just sitting there, thus. And this is reminiscent of other koans where the Buddha just sits expressing fully the inexpressible thusness that we're never apart from one. It's never apart from us right where we are. So running at the shadow of the whip doesn't take much. Although what we don't see are the thousand sweating horses that led up to that moment of, like with Alex Honol, the thousands of hours and years spent in a vertical world, you know, honing his skills with passion and commitment and over and over, meeting what's hard to meet.

[16:35]

So we don't see that in the horse that runs in the shadow of the whip. And then the other horses kind of show that. The second horse has to feel some whip on their, the hair of their body, and then on the skin, and then the fourth horse, you feel it to the marrow of your bones. You feel, I mean, that's the image of these horses and whips, but it's an image, it's a metaphor for feeling our own loss and sorrow and fears and all the afflictions, to feel it all the way through and responding to that by practicing fully with deep heart. So this same koan, comes up later in a whole other story with one of our ancestors named Tosugise Daeyosho, Chinese ancestor, and he was working with a teacher who is not in our lineage, although he is very, very instrumental to the health of this lineage, and his name was Fushan.

[17:57]

And Fushan... is not named in our lineage, but he held the lineage for the person right before Tosugise, who died without successors. Ah, whose name is escaping me right now. But he was old, and all of his disciples died before he did. And at the end of his life, he had the lineage of Soto, or this lineage of Soto, Shu Soto, practice, and he asked Fushan, who was from another lineage, could you carry this for me? And when you find a person that you feel is a true person to carry the lineage, please give him this. So it's an untold story almost. I mean, it is told, but we don't know about Fushan, who's like on side, holding the lineage, and then he gives it to someone who then we chant.

[19:01]

And when we chant, it looks like it goes from straight down, but it goes to the side to Fushan. So Tosugise is working with Fushan and Fushan gives him this koan of the outsider when the outsider questioned the Buddha, this same koan, as a teaching story. And Tosugise turned this story for three years, this story of the outsider saying, I don't ask for the spoken, and I don't ask for the unspoken. And the Buddha just sitting. So Tosugise is turning this for years, looking for little handholds on this slick, glassy mountain, you know. And finally, Fushan, says to him, so have you been, you know, please tell me the koan you've been working on.

[20:08]

And Tosugise begins to recite. An outsider came to, and right while he was reciting, Fushan put his hand over his mouth. Right when he was, and at that moment, Tosugise says, realized, had a realization. And then his teacher said, you know, what are you realizing there? And Tosugise put his hands over his ears and walked out. Don't talk to me. Don't say another word. So this story, you know, to hear How do we fully express ourselves? Spoken, unspoken, silence, actions, to express ourselves fully.

[21:10]

It's not just words. If we just use words, it's not enough sometimes. Don't say another word. So what did Tosugi say? realized right then and there as he was trying to speak and stopped. Dōtoku, you know, fully expressing the way, voicing the way, doesn't have to be in speech, could be in action, could be in silence. So this term, dōtoku, I mentioned this yesterday in class, was not invented by Dōgen. It comes, it's in the literary, vast literary stories and things that have been written down.

[22:20]

And it comes up with Laman Pong. I'm giving you lots of stories today. And Laman Pong was visited by his a practitioner that he was practicing with, a man named Bao Ling. And Bao Ling said to Layman Pang, whether you can speak or not, and this is this do toku, whether you can do toku, whether you can speak or not, you can't escape. What is it you can't escape? And Layman Pang blinked. And Bao Ling said, outstanding. And Lehmann Pong said, don't approve me, don't approve. And Bao Ling said, who would disagree, who doesn't approve? And at that point, Lehmann Pong said, take care of yourself and left.

[23:21]

So here is this exchange Whether you speak or not, you can't escape. What is it you can't escape? I think that's a question for us. Whether we speak or are silent or express ourselves in actions, we can't get out of what? We can't get out of the reality of how we exist. which is completely, dependently co-arising with all beings, with all things, each moment. We can't, there's no place we can go that's somehow outside of this completely interconnected whole. Whether you speak or not or try to run away,

[24:31]

or are silent, all that is still within our interconnected oneness of being. So you have to say something. That's what Bao Ling said, whether you speak or not, you can't escape. What is it you can't escape? The next day or soon thereafter they had another Baoling was in his quarters and Lehmann Pang came for a visit. And Baoling said, people of today speak, people of the past spoke, and people of the present speak. What do you speak? And Lehmann Pang slapped him. And Baoling said, You can't avoid speaking.

[25:35]

You have to say something. And this is this dotoku, translated as speaking, but it's you have to express yourself. You have to express your truth. You can't avoid it. You have to speak. You have to say something. And Levin Pong said, speak, speak, and there will be a fault. And Ba Ling said, Pay me back for that slab. And Lehman Paheng said, try giving me a slab. Come closer. And at that point, Ba Ling said, take care of yourself. And he slipped out. So this, we have to say something, we have to say something, we have to speak, Meaning we can't get out of our life in some way and go someplace where we don't have to, what?

[26:41]

We don't have to enter the fray, the difficulties, the sadnesses, the rage, the confusion, the not knowing, what to do in a situation. We can't get out of that. This is our life that we share. And we have to express our life. And we want to express it fully because there's great joy there. There's great liveliness. So if we take that up, Expressing the way. How are we gonna express the way? As a koan, as a koan for ourselves, how will we express our truth? And what is an appropriate response to this situation and this one and this one?

[27:46]

Is it a word? Is it an action? Is it silence? Is it just holding someone's hand while they're dying? We can't figure it out ahead of time. We have to be totally present in our life and not fool ourselves that we can't escape somehow. So these stories, you know, our Zen stories often have these actions, these surprising actions of slaps and shouts and slamming the doors on people's legs so they break their foot, and you know, there's all sorts of stories that are, I would say, instances of dou toku, expressing the truth. Not just voicing the way in speech, but full expression.

[28:46]

And often in reading those stories, especially before I started practicing, it was like, how can someone be like that? How can someone act in that way? I want to act in that way too. Now I know that telling too many stories in a lecture is, it just becomes like, you can't remember who was that guy and what did they do and they get mixed up. I think it's partially because it's the last day of the practice period and the last day of this three-day session. And I love stories that I want to tell another story. And this happens to be, you know, someone after lecture last week, I think, or whenever I spoke, said, how come you're always telling stories from the past, you know, these different Zen masters, Chinese Zen masters and things.

[29:53]

What about current? What about current? So I know the names, it's hard to remember all the names and the times, and hopefully the feeling will come through. And it'll be like fine horses that run at the shadow of the whip. The stories will animate you, encourage you to practice. This... There's two things I want to tell. I think I'll do this first because it might take too long and I really don't want to miss this. It's this other hero that I had mentioned to you that I wanted to bring up. And this, you know, we've been talking all practice period about speech and communication using verbal action, skillful verbal action.

[30:57]

And now in Sachin, we're looking at silence and meeting a situation with silence, conveying our understanding. And I wanted to bring up a person who's not alive, died in 1968, but this is a current hero. This is Helen Keller, who was born in 1880. And... I'm sure almost all of you know who Helen Keller is, but just to say, Helen Keller was an American woman who was born in 1880, and at two, at the age of two, she had an illness with a high fever and lost her sight and her hearing. So she became deaf and blind. And... At two years old, there's some language, some language, so there was something there, but very, you know, like a baby, a toddler.

[32:01]

So she lived in a world kind of of her own for many years, unable to communicate verbally or to see, and if someone, there's a movie. about her, probably several, but one called The Miracle Worker. And it shows her as a young girl, like seven years old, at the dinner table with her family. And she's not at the dinner table. She's like a feral animal going around behind everybody and grabbing at food. She was more like unsocialized in many ways because of this disability of no hearing and seeing. And her family didn't know really what to do until they found a teacher for her whose name was Ann Sullivan. And Ann Sullivan had a way that she worked with the deaf and the blind with a kind of sign language where there were actions

[33:16]

and signs on the hand that then related to external objects. And she was hired and lived with the family to teach Helen. And it was, you know, talk about horses that run at the shadow of the whip. This took, this was not an easy endeavor to make the connection between taps in the hand and objects that you can't see or hear. And over and over and over like the fourth horse. And Sullivan worked with Helen as a young, seven, eight years old. And there was a breakthrough. And the breakthrough is experienced very viscerally, if you see the movie, The Miracle Worker, where she connects, Helen Keller connects these signs in her hand with water, that this means this object that she could feel and could drink that was then connected with this, this meant this, this referent, this

[34:37]

referred to something in the external world, and that was a breakthrough. And then everything was named. She probably didn't have a kotsuba. Everything in her world had a sign that had a referent, and the world broke open. And it's a point in the movie that's just... I highly recommend the movie. Anyway, here's this person who... expressing herself fully, herself just the way she was. And she became this person who, she was the first blind and deaf person to receive a BA. She learned five languages, five languages. She studied history, math, literature, astronomy. She graduated from Radcliffe College at age 24.

[35:40]

She wrote many, many books. She learned to speak using a voice that, you know, is not the usual timbre and prosody, or, you know, that we're used to, but she could speak, she learned to speak. She gave lectures around the world, she corresponded to people, and she not only, you know, traveled and spoke, but she devoted her life to helping people with the same disabilities she had, helping the deaf and the blind. At that time, someone who was deaf and blind was put in an institution for the mentally disabled. You know, they were just warehoused in asylums, and she was instrumental in changing that practice and making people understand that there's nothing that there's nothing mentally wrong.

[36:41]

So she championed not only mentally disabled, physically disabled people, and she also worked for social justice and the poor. And it was said that she could go and visit and smell the squalor and the poverty. She could smell it. and she listened to the difficulties that people had. And she was a founding member of the ACLU, the American Civil Liberties Union, and supported free speech, and she was an early supporter of the NAACP. Oh, and she also, in terms of social work, She worked with conditions of the poor and also prostitution women who became blind from syphilis who were prostitutes.

[37:48]

She devoted herself to these kinds of social situations and problems. So, you know, here's this person who, you know, you can imagine someone say, well, my life is over, you know. And we might feel that way, depressed and despondent and self-critical. And this bodhisattva life of Helen Keller is, you know, like, I think Teigen, in his book on the bodhisattva archetypes, names her as a Samantabhadra bodhisattva of shining practice or, you know. action and names her as a current manifestation of this kind of action. So she has always been a hero for me and even more so in reading more about her life, finding out more about her.

[38:53]

So full expression. voicing the way, expressing our truth in our own unique way. You know, whether we're made for vertical endeavors beyond the imagination or Helen Keller's life for me is beyond, you know, it's really beyond imagining someone making a full life in this way. and so beautiful and everything in between. Each person uniquely, each of us has capacity to uniquely bring forth our life fully and fully express our way, which is the way. When we are fully expressed, the way is fully expressed. The way meaning the truth of our life.

[40:01]

So I think I'll end there and I just wanted to say Tosu Gise who was awakened on this koan or with this koan of the outsider asking not for the spoken or the unspoken and the Buddha remaining in silence. At the end of his life one of his admonitions for a life is he said there's three secrets Drink tea, rest, and take care. I think that's a perfect ending for the lecture today and for our whole practice period. Drink tea, and I understand drink tea as, you know, join with others. Good conversations. Being in touch. Isn't that what Garrison Keillor says, Prairie Home Companion?

[41:13]

Keep in touch. Drink tea, that's how I understand it. And rest to be able to meet each situation and take care of yourself. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[42:02]

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