Good morning. Good morning. The theme we've been practicing with here over the last several weeks is vow or intention. So today I'd like to give you my version of that. And I'd like to start off with a little guided meditation. So if you would, prepare yourself for such an endeavor. I would say it's helpful not so much to think, okay, what should happen in meditation is to simply start with, okay, what is happening?

[01:14]

What's the prevalent, the dominant experience of now? What's your state of mind? signs, sights, smells, physical experiences are dominant. Let yourself engage the experience that's already here. And let that engagement Discover the body. Let that engagement guide your posture.

[02:18]

Guide it into uprightness. Sitting in a stable, comfortable way. and balanced uprightness, not leaning forward or back, filtering one side or the other. Noticing, are there any tight or contracted parts of your body? Are there smaller adjustments that you can make and let your body feel a little more at ease a little more open letting your abdomen relax your chest slightly elevated

[03:28]

Open across the front, across the back. Your head floating above your shoulders. The muscles on your face relaxed. And if you're getting to rise, open your eyes wide open. Letting the muscles in your jaw relax, muscles around your mouth. Letting your torso relax. Your shoulders, your arms, your fingers relax.

[04:33]

Breathing out, bringing attention to the exhale. Letting whatever is arising flow out, be released, let go. And in the inhale, letting whatever arises, arise. willingness to experience just whatever arises. And just to sit for a couple of precious moments. Letting whatever arises just be

[05:43]

without limitation. And with the exhale, letting it go. And the whole process starting over again with the end. moment we're going to stop before we do I ask you how would you describe how would you characterize the experience you've had in the last couple of moments this is just personal information how would you characterize describe the experience that's just happened

[07:23]

in the last few moments of meditation. Okay, thank you. Okay, that was the Dharma talk. No, all right. Now I'll confuse it by adding my opinions and comments. I've learned in giving Dharma talks that for me, a certain way of tuning in is how to prepare, how to connect. to ask myself something like this, what's the heart of what I wanted to say?

[08:33]

And what's the feeling that's closest to that? Zen meditation, this practice of being in the moment without any agenda to make it happen a certain way. For me, this is very close to this notion, what's the heart of what I want to say? That's the active part. The attentive part is, what's the heart of what's happening right now? And how as a condition to human existence, how is that being experienced? How is it being responded to? And how does that teach us how to live? How does that teach us to take the next step in our life? Whether it's simply the pause between the in-heal and the ex-heal, or whether it's some significant decision.

[09:42]

Should I leave this relationship 20 years or quit this job or apply for this job or have this operation or whatever it is, you know, whatever those significant events in our life, you know, they'd really ask us to be as fully in touch with who we are as we can be and to respond from that place. cannot just respond from a place of agitation or impulse or fear. And this is really the heart of our meditation. This is the heart of Zen practice. And I would say this is the heart of vow or intention. There's a poem by David White where he says,

[10:43]

all the true vows are secret vows. The ones we make out loud are not the ones we keep. Actually, he says, the ones we make out loud are the ones we break. Hold of the truth you make each day with your body. And I would add to that, each day, We make our truth living the way we live. And how does that hold to our vow? Not our opinions, not our judgments, not what we should be doing or shouldn't be doing. Something more intimate. And he points to that intimacy by saying, it's not who you tell yourself you are.

[11:48]

It's not who you want others to see you as. It's not what you should do or shouldn't do. It's something more intimate. And Zen practice is quite simply and perplexingly, difficultly, returning to that intimate involvement in our being and letting it guide who we are and how we are. This, I would say, this morning, is the essence, is the heart of our practice. And I would say, in a way, Zazen is asking us to come into intimate contact with this heart, this heart of practice. You know, in the Mahayana tradition, the most... The sutra that we chant the most often is the Heart Sutra.

[12:50]

What is at the heart of our being? How do we get in touch with it? What is the involvement, what are the workings of the heart that affect our emotional life, our thinking life, the values and standards that we want to live, the way we relate to others, the career choices we make, the decisions we make in our life, our move from San Francisco to New Orleans. How do we arrive at the conclusion that this, given this one precious life, this is the next step? So to me, when I think of what to say in a Dharmakag, this is often the starting point.

[14:06]

And then the feeling that comes up around it. In Buddhist psychology, there is a term called Vedana, feeling. And the feeling in Buddhist psychology is simpler than emotion. Emotion is something that arises as we formulate the world, as we have a response to that formulation, as that response to the formulation engages our psychology. Feeling, in a way, is more elemental, more visceral, and more close to the heart of our being. And part of the process of meditation is to discover how to make this kind of contact with the person we already are.

[15:19]

And those very thoughts and judgments and emotions, and the way we're living our life, they're our clues. There's a saying attributed to Bodhidharma, if you want to know the fish, watch the water. Watch the way, watch the ripples that the fish makes in the water. If you want to know a person, watch what they do. Watch how they do it. Watch what they say. How they interact. So that's why I would say to you, at the end of a period of meditation, what happened? How would you characterize it? How would you characterize your state of mind in those couple of minutes? How would you characterize your dispositions?

[16:24]

Did you start to notice an anxiety, an impatience, a preoccupation, a heavy drizziness? Oh, in this moment, here is what it is to be living the truth of who I am. And from that connection, From that place of information, what is the vow? What is the intention? What is the commitment to living your life? In traditional Buddhism, there's a term called sila, which means Conduct, behavior, disposition, discipline that supports staying close to the heart in an alive and awake way and living that way.

[17:40]

A way we can think of sila as two significant attributes. One attribute is commitment, discipline. dedication, perseverance. And then the other attribute is acceptance, patience, nurturance, intimacy. And our practice is asking us to cultivate a skillful balance of the two. find ourselves leaning one way, always defining practice in terms of discipline and dedication. Now maybe we need to look at how do we nurture and support and inspire that discipline and dedication.

[18:49]

If we find our practice that we're defining it is that it's not giving us enough nurturance and sweetness. Maybe we're leaning too much that way. Maybe we need to think a little bit more about the steadiness of a regular practice, of not being caught up in what we want. So right in our meditation, right in Zazen, means two factors of being asked to find our balance. the uprightness, the steadiness, and the receptivity, and the intimacy of the breath in the body. The other day I was looking at some book reviews and I saw the title of the book just written.

[20:00]

I'm sorry, I can't remember the author. I'm sure they would appreciate a plug. But the book was 108 metaphors about practice. You know, and there was a little blurb, and the author was quoted as saying something like, you know, we live in a world of images, a world of metaphors. So I'd like to offer you an image by... including Rumi's father. We live in a place where thorns and poisonous plants grow wild, but so do fruit trees, roses and vegetables. He calls this little piece, farming and attention to friendship. Diligent farming is a virtue.

[21:04]

I wrap myself like Muhammad in this role of body, limbs, and face. This splendid covering of phenomenal existence where I grow towards some destiny I do not know. Only that I must live fully here to reach what's next. We live in a where thorns and poisonous plants grow wild. But so do fruit trees, roses, and vegetables. This diligent farming is virtue. I wrap myself, like Mohammed, in this robe of body, limbs, and face, the splendid covering of phenomenal existence, where I grow towards some destiny I know not only that I must live fully here to reach what's next. So in a way what I'm talking about is practicing our practice, our spiritual life, growing from the inside out.

[22:25]

that some sensibility, some connectedness to what's going on for us, that in our close attention to it, that it becomes a guide. That it becomes, through close attention to its particulars, it teaches us the Dharma, the truth, the way of being alive. That each of us discovers the thorns and that each of us discovers the roses. That each of us discovers that they grow on the same bush. And that each of us has our own dilemma about how to relate to that bush. Should we love it or should we hate it? Maybe there's another rose bush that has no thoughts.

[23:31]

Maybe this is not the right relationship. It's too difficult. Or the right job. Or the right body. Maybe if you exercised more or you could have a different body and have less problems with it. And you'd be a better meditator. So we practice from the inside out, but we also practice from the outside in. We can ask ourselves, what are the priorities I have for my life, and how do my actions reflect those priorities? But the important point to remember is, To come from the outside in, the danger is this.

[24:41]

The danger is that it's just a reinforcement, a reenactment of the opinions and judgments and fixed views and even fixed emotions with which I meet my love. There's a way in which, you know, the wisdom of the Heart Sutra says this. First of all, to be undone. as thoroughly and completely as possible. Or as the name of this temple says, to come with beginner's mind. To sit down to meditate and not know what's going to happen. To live the truth of this moment and not know where that's going to take you. And from that not knowing place, then the particulars offer a guidance.

[25:47]

They offer the information that will, in a wonderful, mysterious way, connect us to that secret vow. It's not the vow we make out loud. It's the vow that we keep rediscovering. recreating and remembering. It's the vow that has more to do with process and conclusion. And how does that stay alive given that we do live in the particular. Every day, you live the truth of your life. You get up, you go to this, you make these kinds of decisions and priorities as to how to spend your time and your activities.

[26:59]

And how does that Stay close. Stay informed by this secret vow. And interestingly, in the yoga of Buddhist meditation, both of these two worlds are equally held up. We create the mandala in which we practice created with careful attention to the particulars, careful attention to the details. How do you hold your body? Noticing what is it to sit upright? What are those subtle flickerings of feeling, of physical sensation?

[28:05]

In Buddhist psychology, takes apart the human experience in the most extraordinary and detailed way. It says each moment is an aggregation of contact, of feeling, of perception, of impulse, the consciousness that arises with all those. It says these kinds of emotions and feelings tend to confuse us, distract us, and dull our awareness. And these kinds of emotions and feelings tend to brighten and support and energize our awareness. So attending to the particulars

[29:06]

Sets the stage. Draws us into the territory of immediacy, of experiencing intimately and directly. And in that moment, just letting it speak. Let me offer you Another image. How everything adores being alive. What if you were a beetle and a soft wind or a certain allowance of time had summoned you? A certain allowance of time. Had summoned you out of your wrappings. What if you were a beetle and a soft wind and a certain allowance of time had summoned you out of your wrappings?

[30:18]

And there you were. So many legs, hardening, maybe even more than one pair of eyes, and the whole world in front of you. And what if you had wings and flew into the garden then fell into the up-tipped face of a white flower? And what if you had a sort of mudge, a lip, to place close to the skim of honey that kept offering itself? What would you think then of the world? As night and day you were kept there, oh happy prisoner, sighing, humming, roaming that deep What if you were a beetle and a soft wind and a certain allowance of time had summoned you out of your weapons?

[31:24]

In a way, our practice is asking not so much for a fanciful expression of our inquiry, as Mary Oliver is suggesting there, with a truly curious one. What is going on in my life? What sort of issues, emotions, interactions tend to haunt me, tend to recur? What stories of my past, what images Do I keep bringing back, keep reinvesting them with an authority of expressing what my history has been? I would say, don't fool yourself that your history is in any way objective. The stories you bring back are some kind of heroic mythology.

[32:39]

Wonderful and awful. The ways we engage the moment, what we carry with us, those vulnerabilities, those preoccupations, the way we have an interaction and then go into a private space and relive it. What are we hoping for in that relive it? that we will right the wrong that was done us, that we will find true virtue, true love, satisfaction, safety from fear. These arise from our Vedana, our deep feelings, almost pre-verbal.

[33:43]

that we're coursing in, that we're interacting with all the time. And they cast upon our life this wonderful mythology that we bring forth in our own metaphorical way. We have this amazing capacity to sit down and experience it. And then we have this extraordinary challenge of entering into the world and asking ourselves, okay, what exactly will I do at 9 a.m., precisely? What will I work at? Where will I live? How will I spend my money? How much debt will I run up? Or how much money will I save? It has this wonderful mythology at its heart and then it has this complete precision in its expression in our everyday world.

[34:58]

And in Buddhism we call this two truths. The particular of everyday experience And this grind of being from which these formulations arise. And our meditation, the practice of awareness, is staying at the interface where these two worlds meet. If we go into the metaphorical, the mythological, it becomes dreamlike. We stay only in the particular and make it too solid, too definitive. It becomes locked in place. Okay, this is the way the world is. This is the way I am. This is the way my relationships are.

[36:00]

It's locked in place and possibility is limited. So we watch the interface. We watch how it rises and falls, how it comes and goes. So in our meditation, we bring the particular of body and breath. This is why in Zen practice, we love particulars. How should you hold your hands? Well, like this. The left finger should overlap the right. The little finger should be against the abdomen. The thumbtips should touch lightly. They should form an oval. And the point of connection, of contact of the thumbs, should be level with the navel. Lots of particulars. In the service of something that goes way beyond any kind of

[37:09]

fixed idea. And the art of practice is to let these two worlds inform each other. The metaphor is a metaphor. But it can speak to something of the Vedana that flows through our life. But it's not a substitute for making the truth every day with our body. With the inhale, we allow whatever arises to arise. This is the particular of the moment. With the exhale, we let it return to this more intimate involvement of vedana. move a little back and forth.

[38:16]

Robert Bly calls it being a lover in two worlds. He says this is not a contest. It's not an either or. It's a both and. And then this expresses itself in our sila. The yielding, the allowing, the nurturing. the receptivity, the dedication, the commitment, the discipline of our vow. And we always are engaged in the constant flow of our human response. Our fears, our anxieties, our joys, our yearnings, our resentments and bitternesses.

[39:17]

The thorn and the rose grow on the same bush. The vegetables that feed us and the weeds that cause some kind of obstruction. grow from the same earth. So this is the earth, this is the ground, this is the basis from which we make our vow, our intention. It has both a dedication, a purposefulness and it has also, right along with it, an extraordinary flexibility, adaptability, a capacity to work with changing circumstances, a capacity to stay intimately connected to what's coming up for us and to how we're entering the world.

[40:34]

How do we touch into, for ourselves, being exactly the person we are? How do we touch into a process that keeps us in touch? How do we touch into a way of being that reminds us of this and our own unique involvement in it? And how do we stay in touch with the process of being It gives us the patience, the courage, the wisdom, the compassion to live in such a way. What is that process for each one of us? So we watch. We discover that process by watching. Do you like to read poetry or hear poetry? Or do you find it silly and irrelevant?

[41:44]

What is it that attunings and stimulates your heart? What is it that creates inspiration for you? Oh yes, whenever that happens, I just feel inspired to practice. Well, I'm not quite sure what to make that a low, but the timing was perfect. Let me end by reading. And then. Something about appreciating the question.

[42:48]

In a more conventional world, we want the answer. It's like, I want something definite so I can, like, get it done. I don't know whether it's a sweet or harsh teaching in Zen, but the teaching is, you're never done. The very process is the nature of living fully. And it doesn't happen just the way you want it. You could keep searching for the bush that has no thorns. Maybe that's a magnificent search. However, if it's fueled by a bitterness and an impatience and an anxiety and a disappointment, it's not a search that's nurtures us. saying, may the search be a source of joy.

[43:59]

May the farming, to use this metaphor, may the farming give rise to friendship. May it give rise to a food that nourishes. We live in a place where thorns and poisonous plants grow wild. But fruit trees, roses, and vegetable also grow there. This diligent farming work is virtue. I wrap myself, like Muhammad, in this robe of body, limbs, and face, this splendid covering of phenomenal existence. Where I grow towards some destiny, I know not. Only that I must live fully here to reach what's next.

[45:01]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_96.26