Sir, I don't know, because you've been a trigger and a murder failure that you've come out of my mouth. If they think that if it's a disorder and you're going to be mad or you can get it, you've got to be a little out of a million copies. And it may be a 2C and listen to you. So you remember I'm upset. Good morning. Maybe you're still reeling from or breakfast drama. Or maybe you're still chuckling.

[01:18]

I was musing on the soku, apologizing. How lovely. When we apologize, when we take the blame, when we express our commiseration for any hardship caused by what has happened, we bring a kind of reassuring safety Others who might feel that they're to blame can feel, maybe they feel reassured by us taking the blame, apologizing.

[02:35]

Those who feel distraught can feel empathy. Someone gets it. It made me think, the apology made me think of a short poem that Dogen wrote. What is the world like as a waterfall shakes its beak on each drop the moon is reflected? What is the world like as a waterfall shakes its beak on each drop the moon is reflected. For those of you who don't know, part of the imagery there is the light of the moon is the light of awakening, the illumination of awakening.

[03:47]

You know, in neuroscience, it says that the prefrontal cortex is the editor of our emotions. The emotions arise and then the prefrontal context decides, well, am I going to make a big deal out of this or just shrug it off or laugh it off? And it has been found that meditators, when they engage awareness, when they engage the suchness of what is, I've added that part. That's not written up in the research. Something happens inside the brain.

[04:55]

something in the disposition sort of shifts a little further away from, oh no, and a little closer to, oh yes. It doesn't happen because we're so gifted It doesn't happen because we're so clever. It doesn't happen by whatever metric you want to use to establish your goodness, your virtue, your skillfulness. It happens at a deeper level in our being. Somehow, the oh no of our life lightens up.

[06:09]

Somehow, sometimes in a small way and sometimes in a very significant way, our life becomes more livable. Each drop from the water fowl's beak, each incident that happens in the course of Shashin can be held in the illumination of the moon, can be held in the disposition of generosity, virtuous conduct, and deep, deep patience.

[07:13]

Maybe thanks to the Soku for demonstrating practice with such things. Maybe thanks to the Soku for being willing in the front of the assembly to take responsibility. Actually, I think he was sharing the responsibility. And maybe thanks to the Tenzo and the kitchen crew that they showed us that nothing's perfect. That interruption of the marvelous flow of foods into our bowls is not something we should just

[08:38]

to ourselves, well, it's just how life is. The sun rises, the food arrives in our bowls. And we can get busy wondering if there's enough salt or too much salt or whatever. But in a way, it's the interruption of that lets us know, that informs us, oh, look, there's no yogurt for my third bowl. How did that happen? Isn't it just supposed to magically arrive there? Is this more, this world,

[09:40]

Is this life less predictable? Surely in this Zen process, we have created for ourselves a predictability so that we can relax and be in some wonderful, serene, equanimous state. Maybe it's a great gift, that disruption. In the gauging of my mind, the lack of yogurt outweighs the lack of the hot cereal. I got some hot cereal.

[10:44]

But I didn't get any yogurt. And yet somehow or another my prominent emotion is if gratitude is an emotion but whatever is That's my prominent response. And Dogen Zenji says, in Kaza's translation, when you ride in a boat and watch the shore, you might assume that the shore is moving. But when you keep your eyes closely on the boat, you can see that the boat moves.

[11:55]

In other places, Dogen, using a different analogy, would say something like, the boat moves, the shore moves, your mind moves, everything moves. They're interwoven. But certainly, there's a teaching there for us. Sometimes it's helpful to pause, even if your ease, even if your equanimity isn't absolutely perfect and all-pervading. even to what degree there is ease, to what degree there is equanimity, joy, humor.

[12:56]

Whatever that softening of the mind, softening of the attitude, softening of the expectations of life, softening of the expectations of ourselves. When something interrupts that, it shows it isn't foolproof. It isn't the whole story. that can we be reminded of the amount of gratitude, ease, equanimity that we have, and in a way, allow ourselves to immerse in it.

[14:05]

The fifth paramita is absorption or immersion. immersing body and mind deeply in the way, awakening true being. We say true mind, but we can also say true being. After breakfast, I had in mind to go home and feed a stray cat that had wandered into my backyard. And three different times I was stopped. Someone said, I just want to mention something to you. Yeah. Even in this wonderful, hard-earned serenity,

[15:15]

Things need to be mentioned. I once read that Dogen Zenji didn't speak to his successor, Koen Eichel. Didn't speak to him for a year. I find that quite discouraging. I thought, really? Couldn't they have made up after a week, a month, took a whole year? Yeah. Maybe, just maybe, our practice isn't the recipe for perfection. want to be the perfect person.

[16:21]

That as the waterfowl shakes its beak and the water drops fall here and there, we'll be obliged to live with that happening. this moment, some part of you, maybe your prefrontal cortex, can hear these foolish words with a kind of tolerance. And that you can carry that with you as you re-enter the dramas that are awaiting you between now and the rest of your life. Maybe for now, we'll just talk about for the rest of Shashin.

[17:33]

But really, it's the rest of your existence. That equanimity. And then with that as a base, when something arises for us, can it be like a scientific experiment? No. When you toss the pebble into the pond, the ripples look like this. If you toss a smaller pebble, they'll look smaller. If you toss a bigger one, They'll look bigger. You don't need to study fluid mechanics.

[18:35]

We can just watch what arises, what appears in front of us. You don't need to go off and study the latest research on the prefrontal cortex. we can feel how some arising in consciousness has a particular appeal, a particular influence, a particular tendency towards a construction. Can our ease, can our equanimity allow it to just arise?

[19:37]

Can we watch it? And can we meet it with the mind of deep, deep, patience and compassion. A lot of what arises for us, even when our meditation shifts the needle towards, oh yes, a lot of what arises for us is the current version of our distress. The places where we tighten. where our easeful equanimity tightens up and the disposition of what I want and what I don't want comes into play.

[20:54]

Sometimes it's so helpful to watch and learn from when it doesn't come into play. Because then we have a reference point. And then when our preferencing is... does arise when it is asserted and brought to whatever is coming into being. We can watch it with the mind of, is that so? the stray cat.

[22:01]

I did eventually feed him. And after he ate, he was sitting there. And I thought, looks like he's doing zazen. But then I looked over where he was gazing, and there was another cat. And I thought, oh, wait a minute. Maybe this is not the perfect scene I thought it was. looked like they were having a stirring contest as to who had the rights to that place where they were both sitting. So at this point in Sashin, your mind might come up with the absurd notion that sasheen doesn't last forever.

[23:05]

In fact, your mind might start doing some mental arithmetic and saying, well, seven minus five. I think that means two. And then while you're at it, you might start thinking, well, we're almost through half of that. Can you watch how alluring that mental arithmetic is? Can you watch how some sense of the finality of what you're immersed in.

[24:09]

Maybe you wonder at, how can I be immersed in something that I both love and hate? How can I deeply appreciate and sincerely wish to devote my being to this practice. And at the same time, feel a relief, an excitement about it coming to an end. And in this liminal space, can you watch, can you attend to what comes up for you? will they be all over the map or will they be more towards the wonderful things that are going to happen that will satisfy your desires and renew your confidence in life's perfection or will you think of the burdens oh I've got to do this

[25:31]

And I've got to do that. And I have to finish off that unpleasant task. And the more we can bring forth that ease and equanimity, that, oh, is that so? more we can feel its emotional attribute. Sometimes we can feel an emotion around something not so important in our lives. But as we feel the emotion of it, we can, as I mentioned a couple of days ago, we can see how that emotion has a long history for us.

[26:37]

Sometimes we can see, oh, and the slight irritation that I'm feeling now connects to a mistrust, a futility, a frustration, a general disposition that points at how I struggle with some aspect of myself. some aspect to someone else, some aspect of life in general. So this has the potential, this time has the potential to illuminate what arises for you in a deeply informative way. And having practiced so far, and suffered such hardships as no yogurt in the third bowl, that the capacity to meet the moment

[28:02]

most likely, has increased. And not to say, oh, well then I'll be reckless and do all sorts of things, or skip a few periods of zazen, or whatever your reckless mind thinks would be a good idea. in terms of recklessness, I would suggest to you, maintain your diligence. Maintain your virtuous conduct. Maintain that soft, accepting, generous approach. to yourself and to others. Don't worry, there's always enough troubling things that can arise for us.

[29:19]

And when they don't arise, absorb yourself in that. In the early suttas, it says, when joy arises, Soak it up like a sponge. And this is one of the preliminary instructions for going into deep meditation, into deep concentration, into deep jhana. Soak up the joy like a sponge soaks up water. And we can find that even soaking up joy has a kind of discipline to it. Allowing ourselves to be happy.

[30:25]

Allowing ourselves to feel grateful. allowing ourselves to trust here and now. In that joy, in that ease, we can start to... We can start to... feel deeply into what is it to trust our life. But in that opening, there can be a healing. There can be...

[31:31]

a deeper stabilization. There can be a resilience, a growing resilience to when things don't go well. And there can be a kind of confidence. Okay. Maybe things will be delightful in the next day and a half. Maybe they won't. Okay. Either way, we just practice with them. Either way, we just soak it up and feel it deeply. Let it teach us. The more consciousness settles, the more perceptive it is, the more perceptive it is, the more the teachings of the human condition are illuminated.

[32:35]

And so this time in particular, it offers us that, what I was calling liminal space, that transitional space, Usually, in our more usual mind, there's more unsettledness, there's more self-preferencing, there's more struggling with our issues, the yearning of what we would like to have happen, and the disappointment and frustration with what has happened. tends to take up more of our mental space. And now that that's quieted somewhat, we can really study on a more subtle level.

[33:57]

We can study the paramitas on a more subtle level. We can study posture on a more subtle level. We can study posture from the relationship between energy and ease. How can posture stimulate energy and have it blend with ease? Not at the expense of ease. How can we be diligent about our practice? and also invite a joyful appreciation. And when something painful for us comes up, in whatever way, dissatisfaction, concern, distress,

[35:09]

Can we hold it with that wide mind? So be it. The teachings of the self, the practice of studying the self can be engaged more thoroughly. Maybe we should ask the kitchen if they wouldn't mind they could randomly leave out one of the bowls for each of the remaining meals. Maybe they could put on the menu something that most of us think is absolutely delicious and then not serve it. Maybe they could think, oh, you know, I really like when this stewed fruit is warm.

[36:21]

Maybe they could put it in the freezer. A resilience, a confidence. So be it. Bring it on. soften, it can heal something that's within us that feels like it needs certain conditions. I need tasty food. I need it predictably. I need to get just the right cushion to sit on. I thought the zendo was a little cold yesterday.

[37:28]

I prefer it a little warmer than that, but not too warm. Still a little bit on the cool side. Okay, it can... the workings of the self. Maybe it's a stretch to say, can we be amused by them? But maybe it isn't. And can you forgive yourself when you find yourself not being the wonderful person you would like to be? Can you forgive that aspect of yourself and welcome it? Sylvia, how does that structure the world? How does that engage the world that it has helped co-create?

[38:37]

What is the wisdom of daydreaming? What is the virtue of frustration? And can we be absorbed in whatever is coming up for us? You know, the paramita of absorption. You know, usually the word jhana is referring to deep absorption, where thinking falls away, the sense of self falls away, the sense of linear time falls away. But it can also apply to whatever arises. Can we be as fully as possible? I hope I've repeated that point enough that you're kind of intrigued.

[39:50]

Yeah. What will come up for me? Yeah. And I would suggest to you one last time that when it's more on the oh no side of things, welcome it. thinking, oh, yeah, this is territory I've roamed around in a lot and this is an opportunity to go a little deeper into it. Let me see how it takes shape. Let me see how intense. Let me see how it affects the body. Let me see its duration, you know? Is it going to be 10 seconds or 10 hours?

[40:54]

And if it hurts a lot, can you skillfully discover What's appropriate under those conditions? Apparently, even Dogen didn't talk to Kohanejo, his disciple, for a year. Hmm. wonder what was going on. What is the world like? As a waterfall, a waterfowl, as a waterfowl shakes its beak, on each drop the moon is reflected.

[42:12]

Thank you. ... [...] I don't know. [...]

[43:12]

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