This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I'd like to dedicate this morning's talk to Suzuki Roshi and to my dear teacher Blanche Hartman. And also to one of my heroes, Issan Dorsey. And I always like to also mention dear John King. All of these people have been a wonderful inspiration to me. And it's so great to see everyone here this morning on this beautiful sunny day. And you probably know my name is Jana. And this afternoon... We're having a wonderful event here, which is called Jukai, and that is lay ordination.

[01:03]

So four of the people that have been working with me for a while are going to take vows this afternoon. And the last time I did this, a couple of years ago, the person's parents said after the ceremony, well, what was all that, you know? what was all that about? Because really it was kind of hard to tell. And so I simply explained that folks were taking a vow to live a life of loving kindness. Because after all, for all the faulty rolls and all the outfits and all the incense and all the words and all the rest of it, if this is not about... being able to live a life of loving kindness and be connected to each other and remember to care for ourselves and each other, then what's it worth? What's it really about? So my teacher always used to say that to me.

[02:11]

I'd go and say, Blanche, I can sit there and count my breath and do this and do that. And she'd always say, well, But does that make you more kind? So really loving-kindness to me is what this is all about. And so how does that tie in with our main practice, which is zazen, which is a Japanese word which I believe means just sitting. So how does that tie in with loving-kindness? How does staring at the wall or staring at the floor actually help you to be more kind? Well, of course, you probably know what we're practicing is to be just right here in this moment. And it's a fierce kind of effort to be right here because if you've ever paid attention when you're doing something like walking down the street,

[03:15]

You're very rarely just right there. You're usually walking along and thinking, oh, what's she wearing? Oh, what's that in that window? Oh, look out, what's that on the sidewalk? Oh, look at him. You have a kind of running commentary going, usually. And in actual fact, if you're paying attention to that running commentary, you're missing what's going on in each moment. And the only reality is actually what's going on apart from all that thinking, apart from all the stuff that you get all carried away with. So that's why Zazen, just learning how to be right here, be here in the moment, is what they call the end of suffering. Makes it a bit less anyway. Just to actually be able to stay present. is, I believe, the greatest gift that Shakyamuni Buddha passed on down to us.

[04:16]

As you probably know, I left Zen Center about four years ago, and I work on the streets, so to speak, and I don't dress like this. I feel, though, that what we're taking out there is so invaluable. I know it's invaluable. to be able to be right here. Because in a nutshell, before I came to Zen Center, actually 20 years ago this year, I was homeless and living on the streets myself and had extremely severe post-traumatic stress disorder. And some of you probably know what that's like. You're very anxious. It's very hard. The last thing you can do is stay present. And it was the great gift of learning how to practice Zazen that actually helped me to pull myself back together again, as much as I am back together again.

[05:25]

And so it seemed like such a gift... It's such a golden gift to be able to endure those things like flash floods of emotions, dreadful anxieties. Usually I would try and get away from those and avoid them. You know, we do. Why would you look at something that's so painful? But in actual fact, there is no way to get away. neither by watching television too much or having bad relationships or eating chocolate doughnuts or using the worst drug, alcohol, or any other drugs. There is actually no getting away from this. So that's what we can learn with Zazan, with being right here. That actually we are able to endure anything. We are able to just stay right here. In the four years that I've been gone, I've been working a lot with various mental health associations.

[06:31]

The Interfaith Network on Mental Illness has had me speaking there a lot. And again, it's because if you're in therapy, and as you probably know, most modern-day therapies, for example, DBT, are based on mindfulness practice. If you're in therapy and say you begin to talk about something that's upsetting, boom, next thing you know you're carried away and you can't really do it. So just learning simply to stay present is enormously helpful for all kinds of anxiety-related bits and bobs. So it's not necessary to wear all the robes and, you know, become bald. I saw a thing on the internet yesterday that said, get fully enlightened without shaving your head. Wow!

[07:33]

In actual fact, if everyone here is paying attention to this voice, you're actually living in the moment right now. So remember, you don't have to stare at the floor or the wall to do this. You can use whatever is right here in front of you as a focus. And so when I'm out on the streets, we do 10-minute meditations often because that's the length of time a craving lasts, a strong desire. But most of the time, I just encourage people to do ancient practices such as putting on your glasses meditations. And you pick up your glasses and you don't think about anything else but your glasses. And then, oh my goodness, look at you all. Experience looking through the glasses. Take them off, carefully fold them up and put them down. And there you've done a couple of moments of mindfulness meditation.

[08:41]

Which when you're in an anxious state, or say you're about to go into an interview or some... see someone that you're having difficulty with, you could just do that for a few moments. Sometimes it's easier to have a physical object such as a cup of water or a cup of coffee, and you can use that. In other words, you can practice 24-7 and enjoy that practice 24-7. Don't ever forget, the first arising on the path is joy. So if you're not feeling an awful lot of joy from what you're practicing, perhaps you should look elsewhere. So to get right down to brass tacks, and forgive me all the people that have been sitting with me for a while because they've heard this before, but can never be said enough. If you look at the Heart Sutra,

[09:42]

In fact, most of the teachings that we have in the form of sutras, the real punchline is right at the beginning. And it says right at the beginning, all five skandhas in their own being are empty, and thus all suffering was relieved. And then it goes on for quite a while after that. That's the key line right there. All five skandhas in their own being are empty. Now, what's a skanda when it's at home? Well, form, feeling, perception, formation, consciousness. But let's just do it very simply. Say I'm sitting with my mindfulness practice and the thought comes to mind of stick. Now, if I can just leave that there, there we are. Peace. There's no suffering involved in that. There's no emotion. There's nothing going on.

[10:44]

I've just had the thought stick. Then I can just stay with my breath and then watch that stick go away again. But that's having a thought. That's what the mind does. Uchiyama Roshi says the mind produces thoughts like the body produces sweat. It's not any more worth paying attention to, basically. So that's just having a thought and watching it go, and that's what thoughts do. But say I have the thought stick, and I think, geez, that is such an ugly stick. You know, I wish I had chosen a stick that was kind of... Well, that's me all over. I do that all the time. I'm gone. So I'm away from that very first thing of just form, and I've gone into the next one, feelings. I'm having feelings about this piece of wood. And it goes on from there, forms, feelings, perception. Aha, this is an ugly stick. Form, feelings, perceptions, formations.

[11:46]

I am now absolutely certain beyond any question that this is a really ugly stick, and I was stupid to choose this one. And then, of course, we're all completely gone into consciousness. That's it. That's my worldview formed just from looking at a stick. So that's what we're talking about, the ability to just let things be as they are. My teacher always says she only has one teaching. Just this is it. And in actual fact, that's what we're talking about. Just this is it. Wouldn't you rather be here with all these wonderful people in this lovely Buddha hall enjoying yourself and the sun streaming in through the windows than sitting there worrying about, can I pay the rent next month, or gee, did I leave the gas on in the house, or things like that. Whatever you do, don't worry about that. Anyway, so this is how we can actually put this wonderful practice into action.

[12:57]

And one of the best ways, of course, is in not picking and choosing. It says that in all the teachings. The great way is not difficult, as long as you don't pick and choose. So we could re-translate that to just simply say the great way is difficult. Because you're always picking and choosing. So remember, the picking and choosing is extra. Things are as they are, whether you like them or not. There's a lovely phrase in one of the sutras that says, in attachment blossoms fall, and in aversion weeds spread. In other words, whether you like your bowl of cereal or not, there it is, it's just your bowl of cereal. So that's the great effort we can make, and we can actually do that in each moment. And it's particularly helpful, I find, when dealing with other people. You try, actually, if you just cast your eyes around this room, I bet you'll make quite a few judgments looking at people.

[14:05]

Oh, I know what they're like. I know what they're like. Oh, look at that. And so forth. So right away, there's a place to practice. I do it on the munibus a lot. I find the munibus can give rise. Irritation arises on the munibus. LAUGHTER Why did that man hit me on the head with his bag? Why is that large person using me for an armrest? I once heard someone say to the person next to him, that's not an armrest, that's my arm. I haven't moved to that level yet. Those everyday things, don't wait for it to be a special occasion. Of course it's wonderful to come together and practice together. But don't wait for a special occasion to do it. Every moment can be that special occasion. It's absolutely fine to focus on what's right in front of you. And although we all like to think that we're not prejudiced, that idea of just looking around the room, you're judging people right away.

[15:11]

It's almost like we can't help it, but we can. We just need to do a little bit of practice of Zazen. So I've been doing this for a wee while now and I found when I was trying not to discriminate against other people and not to judge other people that in the end, thanks to another wonderful teacher here, Vicky, I don't know if she's around, I realized that I thought I had kind of broken through, you know, I can be with everybody and I'm fine, you know. Ha ha ha ha. So... I discovered that when it got right down to it, I felt there were some people it was okay to hate. And I bet if you look inside, you might think you might find someone like that. It was great fun, for example, when George Bush was around. I'm on the board of an organization called Religious Witness with homeless people, and when he was up for re-election, all these different faiths

[16:20]

sitting around the table. It's so great to be the Zen Buddhist. They're all sitting around the table saying how terrible it is and, oh, fancy he's going to get re-elected and all the rest of it. And I simply said, I'm George Bush. Because when you think about it, this idea of, you know, we're composed of all these five skandhas and so forth, there's no separation. You know, I can't say that I'm better than anyone else or worse than anyone else. We're just all in the same boat together. And it's that idea that I'm better or worse than someone else that gets me in trouble. So maybe you could have a wee look next time you're practicing your just being here and see if you come up with somebody or some group that actually you think is okay to be against. What I came up with eventually was that because part of the reason I ended up homeless was that I was in an abusive relationship and that's where the PTSD came from that made it impossible to keep up what I'd been thinking of as a normal life.

[17:39]

So as I was practicing with this, as I say, I kept... holding on to one group of people that I thought it was all right to hate. And really, you can't do that. You just can't do that. It says in the Dhammapada, only love can move us forward. Hate will never cure anything. The only person that hurts if you're hating is yourself. The Dalai Lama said that. Someone said to him, don't you hate me? The people, you know, the Chinese folks, don't you hate that? And he said, well, if I hated a whole country, who would hurt, me or that country? So hate really doesn't move us forward anywhere. And sometimes we have to make a special effort. When you discover that there's perhaps a group of people or a person that you're holding a lot against, you can work on it.

[18:42]

We often do loving-kindness meditation at the different groups where we all sit together. But I wanted to share this with you today because this was the one that was hardest for me. And this is a prayer to Kuan Yin, she who hears the cries of the world, Avalokiteshvara. And it's called Kuan Yin's Prayer for the Abuser. To those who withhold refuge, I cradle you in safety at the core of my being. To those that cause a child to cry out, I grant you the freedom to express your own choked agony. To those that inflict terror, I remind you that you shine with the purity of a thousand suns. To those who would confine, suppress or deny, I offer the limitless expanse of the sky.

[19:50]

To those who need to cut, slash or burn, I remind you of the invincibility of spring. To those who cling and grasp, I promise more abundance than you could ever hold on to. To those who vent their rage on small children, I return to you your deepest innocence. To those who must frighten into submission, I hold you in the bosom of your original mother. To those who cause agony to others, I give the gift of free-flowing tears. To those that deny another's right to be, I remind you that the angel sang in celebration of you on the day of your birth. To those who see only division and separateness, I remind you that a part is born only by bisecting a whole.

[20:57]

For those who have forgotten the tender mercy of a mother's embrace, I send a gentle breeze to caress your brow. To those who still feel somehow incomplete, I offer the perfect sanctity of this very moment. So I can recommend that prayer, those words, to work with to help you to overcome any lingering oppositional feelings. Because after all, we're all, as I say, we're all in this boat together. And the only person who hurts with having oppositional feelings is yourself. I don't have an idea of the time. Does anyone have an idea of the time? Quarter two, and I should finish at?

[21:59]

11. By 11. And am I doing question and answer here? Okay, thank you. I could just go on and on and on. I'm Scottish. As you can probably see, I don't write these things down. In the end, we have to trust ourselves and trust what comes out of our mouths. We're never going to be perfectly right, so we might as well just trust ourselves. I brought one other favorite thing with me. I've got all sayings from the Dhammapada and the Dalai Lama and so forth. But I did want to just mention a wee bit about taking this, taking our practice outside and taking it to people.

[23:05]

The very first time that I actually realized that it was possible and in fact that it would be useful to take our practice of loving-kindness and non-discrimination out was when someone asked if anyone would like to try to teach zazen or to teach mindfulness meditation to active drug users, people who were using drugs. And I went down to the Mission Neighborhood Resource Center and started working there. And in the very, very first group, a whole bunch of people came in, and there was no one there who wasn't on some kind of substance. And we were about to start, and someone came in who was using speed meth, which, if you've never heard of it, speeds you up a lot, makes you very fast. So he came in and saw us all sitting there, and he said, oh, oh, oh, I can't do that, I can't do that, I can't sit, I can't sit, I can't sit still.

[24:16]

So I said, well, that's all right, you just watch us. We'll just sit here for a few moments, and you watch us, and then we'll see what you think about it. So we were sitting there and I hit the bell and we all looked down and that was a great room to practice in because it had these lights that went on motion sensors. So it was a great way for people to know when they were sitting still enough because the lights would go out. It was quite exciting. So we sat for a few minutes and then I hit the bell again and I looked at this man and he was sitting there quite calmly with his arms folded, which is rather unusual if you're using that drug. It's almost impossible to sit still. So I said to him, well, did you enjoy watching us then? And he said, that's the first few moments peace I've had in decades.

[25:18]

That was it for me. I knew that what had helped me so much and what I believe helps all of us so much to just live an authentic life and to be here and to be more kind was actually incredibly useful to everybody, almost anyone. So that was the great encouragement. It wasn't like I made a plan and said, well, here we are, I'm going to go out and do this, that and the other. It was that one man who said that that was the first moments peace he'd had in years. That was the great encouragement. And so now I just, I take this everywhere. I don't dress this way unless I'm speaking at a Buddhist event. Usually I'm just, you know, jeans and a t-shirt. And people find our practice incredibly, incredibly potent. And if you're interested in research, I would suggest you Google online meditation, and particularly mindfulness meditation.

[26:25]

And you can see how many modern therapies are based now in our practice. You'll find reports from all over the world. And one of my particular favorites is about the fact that we're not just enjoying being here right now for this moment, but every time we practice, we're actually creating new synapse connections in our brains. So the more often we practice in this way, we're actually reshaping our brains physically for the future. So it's not all airy-fairy and funny incense and bells. We are reshaping our brains for the future. I always find too that a sense of humor is very important. One thing that folks find rather off-putting is, especially if you turn up looking like this, people expect something kind of serious.

[27:33]

they begin to kind of pay attention in a certain way. And I find that people actually take more in if they're relaxed and enjoying themselves. So, for example, we have laughter meditation at one of our groups where we practice laughing together and focusing on the laughter as part of our breath. So I have a whole list of things that I use to cheer people up, especially if they've been sitting for a while listening to a long talk. And I used this first with some case managers. I worked with the case managers in a lot of the housing places for low-income folks. And we'd had a rather long training session one day, so I brought out a handout, and there was this kind of groan, oh no, it's a handout. The Buddha said, where there is perception, there is deception. For example, when I was teaching in Boulder, they had the Interfaith Network on Mental Illness that advertised me, and there was a lot of people there.

[28:43]

And after I'd spoken in a church one night, the men of the church had a meeting the next day, their men's fellowship group, and talking of perception. And the big question was, what happened to that Scottish woman they were going to send? Why did they send that man instead? So don't ever forget that humour is actually a positive thing. I often remark that you can hear people cry sometimes when you're all meditating together. But when was the last time you heard someone burst out laughing in the middle of meditation? It's not that common. So I keep a few little things in mind. So here's my favorite handout when things are getting too serious.

[29:44]

And you can have a copy of this if you enjoy it. So you take the handout out and you get this groan because it's a handout. And it's called Rules to Live By. And that sounds even worse. Rules to Live By. And the first one is, forgive me, Blanche. It's just how I am. The first one is, never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. LAUGHTER Here's my favourite. This one applies to me. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. LAUGHTER Some of these are terrible, though. No, I can't say that, no. I believe this is being broadcast. I better not. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip, and that's not funny.

[30:49]

Anyway, so the other favourite of mine is, don't worry about what people think. They don't do it that often. LAUGHTER so I have so much here I said to Blanche there's enough stuff here for about 10 lectures but I suppose I have to stop we could take a vote would you like the broad Scots or some of you might have noticed I'm Scottish and there's some wonderful poems in Scottish and You know, in Zen we say that the meaning is not in the words. If it was about being intelligent enough to understand complicated things, then the Buddhist teaching would only be available to a few people. There's actually a wonderful sutra called the Abhatam Saka Sutra. And I liked using that when I was down at Tassahara Monastery.

[31:50]

We used to do that in the summer because you can't really understand what it's saying. And if you listen to something for long enough and you can't understand what's being said, the mind eventually gives up the effort. Jerome Peterson, dear Jerome, who passed on, who lived here for many years, he would read the Avatamsaka Sutra with a group of people every Tuesday. And the point is you can't understand it. And you know, poor us, we sit around making this great effort to understand everything and put meaning on everything. So if you want a bit of relaxation and let your mind just go, I would highly recommend the Avatamsaka Sutra. Of course, you can get the same effect by listening to someone talking broad Scots. Whereby you're making that enormous effort to understand what is being said, like we always do. And then after a moment, your mind goes, well, and gives up.

[32:52]

It's a lovely experience, so I'll just give you a moment of it. And I wasn't that blissful. So I'd like to just finish up. Thank goodness. first of all thank you again everybody for being here and you know without everyone here this place would just be a building and instead it's a light it's a light that can shine out and so help everyone out there so all of you together are part of that light otherwise it's just an empty building I think

[33:55]

really that what we're here for is to help each other. I can't actually imagine what else we're here for. I never did see the point in saving up lots of money and having cars and that kind of thing. Luckily. Otherwise I'd be awfully disappointed. I really did have thought that since I was little, that we're here for each other. And even though sometimes we can feel a bit lonely or not connected, we actually are. There's no way to be unconnected. If you think you're isolated, see how long you can be isolated without water, fresh air, food, and all the millions of people it takes to bring that to you. So remember, we're never alone here. We're never cut off. We're never isolated. And I want to read just two little parts from Shantideva, which is the book, The Way of the Bodhisattva.

[34:59]

And the first one is what the Dalai Lama reads every morning. And then the second part is one that I particularly enjoy myself. So the first part is actually from the dedication. And this is the one that the Dalai Lama finds his morning inspiration in. And it simply says, as long as space abides, and as long as the world abides, so long may I abide, destroying the sufferings of the world. And then the second one I find particularly beautiful. May I be a guard for those who need protection, a guide for those on the path, a boat, a raft, a bridge for those who wish to cross the flood. May I be a lamp in the darkness, a resting place for the weary, a healing medicine for all who are sick, a vase of plenty, a tree of miracles, and for the boundless multitudes of living beings may I bring sustenance and awakening, enduring like the earth and sky.

[36:16]

until all beings are freed from sorrow and all are awakened. May you be well and live in peace and happiness. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[36:53]

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