This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. I wanted to admit to you all that I've been having difficulty getting to what it is I want to bring up today with you. And it reminded me, this struggle that I've been going through for the last several days, it reminded me of a haiku from Oksan, Mitsu Suzuki, Suzuki Roshi's wife, who just passed away. little over a year ago, and she was a haiku poet.

[01:01]

And in her last book that she wrote, or the poems were gathered, 100 poems from 100 years of life. She was 100 when she finished that book. And this is one of her poems. It's called, I don't think it has a name, actually. It's just this haiku. And there's a play on words which I'll tell you about afterwards, but here's the haiku. Leaves of speech. Unable to put words in order, I stamp through fallen leaves. And that, I was picturing her, you know, kind of stamping through falling leaves. And in Japanese, there's a word, kotoba, which means leaves of speech or words. So there's this play on... leaves and fallen leaves, fall leaves, and these words are leaves of speech. So leaves of speech, unable to put words in order, I stamp through fallen leaves.

[02:07]

So that's what it feels like this morning, a little bit to me, stamping along. As we've been studying upright and complete speech for the last several weeks, and I've been talking about it a lot, talking about about talking and speech and hearing people's challenges and often what it comes down to is, you know, I didn't know what to say or I didn't know how to turn the conversation from, you know, some kind of gossip or slander or very divisive, factionalized political speech or I didn't know how to turn it even though I wasn't comfortable or I didn't feel good about it participating. So this difficulty around speech, this is something to look at and I think we have to accept that there is almost inherent in speech the inability to actually get to

[03:23]

full, complete expression. But in our efforts, in our over and over again making that effort, there's a completion in that, a complete feeling in that. These words have been jumping out at me. For example, the word dictator. Dictator comes from somebody who's using diction, using words and speech. And dictator is someone who uses words as powerful and cruel often, usually. That power in the word is a dictator. And abdicate was another word which is coming from the same root of to speak or and then abdicate is to withdraw or pull away from being in that position where when you speak it becomes law or there's a lot of power there.

[04:38]

So proclaiming and speaking the enormous amount of power in certain positions one has to change the course of of the world. And as Dogen says in his physical Gaetua Bodhisattva's way of life when he speaks about kind speech, the last line is, kind speech has the power to turn the destiny of a nation. And I don't think he was just talking about rulers or dictators or emperors, but each of us, the power of kind speech can turn our country, can turn the destiny of the nation. So another word that jumped out at me was the word parliament, which comes from parlare, to speak, parlement, to speak, and also owls.

[05:39]

You know, a group of owls is called a parliament of owls. So I'm just sharing with you a number of things that have been rising up for me. A parliament of owls. May the parliaments of the world be as wise as the owls. So this difficulty in saying fully, completely, expressing fully and completely and missing the mark is many, many koans are about this, about trying to speak. or being asked to speak and being yelled at and, you know, speak, speak in some koans. And words both miss and also fully express at the same time, but maybe not the content of the word, but how the word is expressed and the right timing.

[06:43]

There's a koan that you all maybe are familiar with which is very short. What is the teaching of a lifetime? An appropriate response. And although the words may not reach it, the response in total meets the mark. So this is painful in our lives to miss the mark, and at the same time, we make this effort over and over. So I wanted to share with you a few of these koans and stories that turn this trying to say in speech what's hard to say or impossible to say. One of these koans is a new koan for me. It's from the book Hidden Lamp, which is koans of women teachers, some of them unnamed, not that well-known,

[07:47]

And this is all part of speech, you know, whose speech and stories get to be, are the ones that are saved and passed on, and whose remain lost or are silenced or hidden. I think the name of the book, Hidden Lamp, is very apropos. So in this story, the woman teacher is named Ling Xing Bo. from probably around the ninth century Chinese. And she's visiting another Zen master to pay her respects, a Zen master named Fubei. And they're sitting together and drinking tea, which is a very everyday activity, sitting together and drinking tea. And Ling... Shinbo says to him, asks him, if a true word can't be spoken no matter how hard you try, how will you teach?

[09:00]

That's her question. If a true word can't be spoken no matter how hard you try, how will you teach? And Fubei said, Fubei has nothing to say. And Ling was not satisfied with this. And she placed her hands inside the opposite sides of her sleeves. She probably didn't have an okay son at the time, sitting drinking tea. So she's, if you picture, she kind of went like that is how I picture it. And she cried out, there is grievous, I'll do it. There is grievous suffering even within the blue sky. And again, Fubei had nothing to say. And Ling said, to be a human being is to live in calamity. So she asks and states, you know, if a true word can't be said, even no matter how hard we try, then how do you teach?

[10:13]

It's a real question. And Fubei kind of, for me, he kind of takes a position. Fube has nothing to say. And there are koans where the Buddha is silent. Vimalakirti is silent as a full expression. It's the right time and place to express silence. But instead, Fube seems to me, or this is my commentary, basically says Fube has nothing to say. Taking a kind of hiding out maybe in, there is nothing to say and nothing can reach it and I'm going to stay there. And she, this taking that body posture, that gesture of crossing the arms and crying out, there is grievous suffering there. even within the blue sky.

[11:13]

The blue sky is like the, maybe the suchness of emptiness or, you know, taking, he kind of took a seat in emptiness, perhaps. And she's saying, but there's suffering. Yes, there's the blue sky of our interdependent But you can't take some position there and then refuse to interact with suffering beings. That's maybe what's called pernicious oneness. It's pernicious because our practice, the teaching, is about relieving of suffering, meeting people, living for the benefit of people, not hanging out, in the blue sky. But coming from the blue sky with what?

[12:17]

How are we gonna teach when you can't say it? And then she says to be a human being is to live in calamity. This is our shared life. How are we gonna teach? Victoria Austin once told me, is Vicki here today? She once told me about going to a high school class to teach. I don't know what the class was, World Religions or something. And she brought M&Ms with her. She divided the class in two, gave half of the M&Ms one part of the class and not the other. And then the class with the chocolate ate the chocolate, and the other... half was kind of looking on. And then she said to the ones who had chocolate, please describe to your classmates what that tastes like. And then when they were finished trying to describe the taste of chocolate, and you know that little crunch that the M&M makes when your teeth, if you've had an M&M, that shell covered with a thin candy shell is what...

[13:32]

the advertisement used to say. Anyway, they tried to describe it. And then she asked the people who didn't have M&Ms, was that satisfying? No, we want M&Ms. And we all want our own M&Ms. We all want to taste the Dharma for ourselves. And these words don't reach it. Even though they encourage us, they help us, they point us, they... enliven our, wet our appetite. Literally, you know, our eagerness to study and practice and talk about the Dharma. But we need to taste it for ourselves. The words of others will not be enough. There's another story which I like very much. This is in the Blue Cliff Record. There's actually three stories that are intertwined about the same, probably the same day.

[14:35]

But I'll just tell the first one. It's number 70 in the Blue Cliff Record. Collection of koan, Zen stories, 100. And this is three teachers, all of whom were teachers, known teachers, became leaders of congregations. Guishan, Wu Feng and Yun Tan, all Chinese teachers, and they were attending Bai Zhang, who's a very famous teacher. A day of no work is a day of no eating is Bai Zhang, and monastic guidelines and how to practice together. So Bai Zhang, he's sitting with these students, student teachers, and Bai Zhang asks Guishan, with your throat, mouth, and lips shut, how will you speak? And Kweishan said, please, teacher, you speak instead.

[15:43]

And Bai Zhang said, I would. I don't refuse to speak. It's just that I'm afraid I will not have any descendants. I would be bereft of descendants. So Bajang is saying, with your throat and lips, throat, mouth, lips shut, how will you speak? I think it's this, how are you going to teach? And Guishan, I don't know if he, Anyway, Guishan's response is, you speak instead, teacher. You know, kind of deferring, but also stepping away, perhaps. But also, that's okay, you speak. Please, you go ahead.

[16:43]

Respectful. And Bai Zhang said, I don't refuse to speak. It's just that I am concerned, I'm afraid that I would be bereft of descendants. If you leave it up to me to be the one to convey the teaching, to express the teaching in the ways that I do, whether it's speech or action or silence or anything in between, but I'm asking you, and if you're not able to, I'm concerned that bereft of descendants is that the Dharma will be cut off. that it will not continue. It has to be renewed, refreshed, brought up again. Each generation, each student has to be able to pass it on in their own way.

[17:45]

As far as their eye of practice can see, passing that on. And this concern, if you're not going to meet me there, if you're gonna defer to me, how will the teaching go on? There's a similar story about Dogen when he was asked about what did the ancients have to teach, or what would you say? And he basically said, if you asked me, I would show them my sitting cushion. That was his answer. Not what they said, but here's the cushion. Here's your zafu. Sit down. Shut your mouth. You know? And sit. That was Dogen. A little different circumstance, but reminded me. Bai Zhang and Gui Zhang reminded me of Dogen's saying I'd show them my sitting cushion.

[18:48]

That's how I'd convey the teachings. There's an image for our seated zazen which I wanted to share with you that I recently became aware of that was fresh for me. And this is an image put forth by a Zen teacher, Hong Jur, who is called the fifth ancestor. Excuse me. And the image is of... The image for Zazen and our Zazen practice is of a cauldron. And a cauldron... In China, there were cauldrons. You've seen them maybe in museums. They're on like legs, like bronze cauldrons. And this is his... What he called it was an upright cauldron, which is like an upright...

[19:53]

zazen position, or whether we're on cushions or chairs, we take, or standing, we take an upright position. And this upright cauldron, what Hongjir said, he's from the 10 hundreds, so it must not be the fifth ancestor. Sorry, I'm forgetting where he comes in. He said, and this was very helpful for me in thinking about and hearing from people about the pain in listening, reading, exposing ourselves to certain discussions in, it's not just now in our political life now, although for some people that's very, very kind of at one end of the extreme, but throughout history, throughout history, the history of the United States, there have been situations of horror, of genocide, of slavery, of the worst unspeakable actions of human beings towards one another.

[21:10]

So to say that now this is the worst it's ever been, this is not accurate. For many, many, many people the worst suffering has been going on, has happened in our history. So I just wanted to shift that sense that you sometimes hear of how horrible and horrific things are. This is this chapter. So Hongzhi, you know, in thinking about that and our history, He says, despite 100 uglinesses and a thousand stupidities, the upright cauldron is naturally beneficent. Despite 100 uglinesses and a thousand stupidities, the upright cauldron is naturally beneficent.

[22:17]

And this image, and I've been turning this image, the image of the cauldron, which the word cauldron comes from the word, you know, from, it's a Middle English word that comes from, etymology comes from caldo, you know, hot, and the Latin for, because you heat, in a cauldron you heat, it's a big cooking pot is what a cauldron is or was, and in alchemy and You know, Jungian analysis, the cauldron as an image where you put all the uglinesses, all the stupidities, all the karmic formations that have been difficult and not wholesome and not beneficent, you put it all in there. It can take it all. And this is an image for our Zazen. This upright cauldron can hold... Everything can contain everything. And then it gets caldo, you know, it gets hot and it cooks.

[23:21]

And a cooking pot, as you know, what happens in the cooking pot is things break down, things dissolve, things change textures, the flavors melt together and you have deliciousness, you know, nourishing, delicious, transformed food. raw ingredients, raw in the full sense of that word, unprocessed, uncooked, and they cook together. This is a wonderful image for our zazen. And they don't just cook, but it's naturally beneficent. This kind of transformation supports us to live in wholesome, transforming unwholesomeness into wholesome, meaning full. Everything's there, and we understand how it's there, and we can proceed with skill.

[24:27]

And this is a long process, but the cooking starts right away. As soon as you sit down, you don't have to wait. The heat's on. Sometimes it's a pilot light. And sometimes it's a roaring flame. and it's going to boil over. But once you sit, there's no... You can't turn off the heat, actually. I'm sorry. We may want to. Despite 100 uglinesses and 1,000 stupidities, the upright cauldron is naturally beneficent. So, you know, to bring our despair and our... disbelief at what's going on and the sufferings that we've both, the word perpetrate comes up, and that's kind of a strong word, but sufferings that we have, where we have had impact on others that was painful and where we have received painful experiences, all of that can go.

[25:42]

into this upright cauldron. And the upright cauldron in the I Ching is one of the hexagrams. And it says something about this is where adepts are cooked and Buddhas are made in this cauldron. So I wanted to tell another story, kind of turning this some more with you. And we have that we have to say something, you know, or the teaching will be cut off. There will not be descendants. We can't just sit enjoying the blue sky. Or we could say we enjoy the blue sky. blue sky even as we meet the stupidities and the calamities and the uglinesses.

[26:48]

We can feel we're seated in the blue sky. It doesn't destroy the blue sky, but we have to act, speak for the benefit of others. The other story, actually, too many stories, you know, is too many stories. And one leaves with like, which, and they get all mixed up. So I always have to think, shall I just stop there or do one more? Maybe I'll see. I just wanted to mention that at Tassajara, recently I was told by the head of practice that they broke through A Han. And the Han is the percussion instrument that we strike to call people to Zazen. And written on it can be various things. The ones at Tazhar we usually have.

[27:52]

Great is the matter of birth and death. Impermanence is swift. No forever. Gone. gone. Don't waste your life. There's different, slightly different renditions of that verse that's on the Han. So as you're hitting the Han, those of you who've been fortunate enough to be asked to play the temple instrument, you can read it as awake, awake. Don't waste your life. Great is the matter of birth and death. impermanent and swift. No forever, gone, gone, awake, awake. Everyone, don't waste your life. These are the, this is the message. And then we hit the Han and we call people to the Zendo to sit, to sit in the upright cauldron.

[29:00]

So when the Han breaks all the way through, there's been a lot of hits. a lot of sauzan, you know, because each hit doesn't make that much of a dent on the wood, a little bit. So they broke through. And I had always thought there was a celebration, you know, at that time, but I asked one of our Japanese teachers at Soto Zen Education. He had not heard of a celebration. Maybe it's one of those ceremonies that got made up at Tassajara or something. There's a lot of those. Anyway, it broke through. But there is a careful way of taking care of the pieces. They're not just tossed in the recycled lumber yard. This is the meaning of that Han being broken through. Well, we give it

[30:06]

We give it meaning. It's just a wood that's been hit so much it's broken. But we give it that meaning of this is our life, each hit of the Han. No forever, gone, gone, each period, each day. Birth and death are the great matter. What are we waiting for? Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. There may be no tomorrow. So these are the everyday activities of practitioners turning these, turning this life, you know. Not shying away from birth and death is the great matter, impermanent and swift, no forever, gone, gone. Not shying away from that, meeting that, meeting that with our whole life. These are the everyday activities.

[31:12]

So I'll just leave you with this last story, which is about everyday activities. And Dogen takes this up, our Japanese ancestor, in a fascicle called Everyday Activity, Kajo. And the ka is, means everyday and ordinary and also house, and specifically it can be used for the kind of house of, house referring to a kind of way of practice that a number of students who are practicing together create a particular quality of practice. And you can feel that, you go to different temples, there's a different style of teaching maybe. The wind of the family house, the ka-fu, the fu is wind. Wind of the family house is another way of talking about a kind of lineage of teachings and stories and way of expressing.

[32:21]

So this ka-jo is the kind of everyday activity of Buddhists and ancestors. And in this story, another ancestor, Chinese ancestor, Fuyo Dokai says, to his teacher, Tosugise, who we chant. You know, some of you are familiar with those names from chanting the Buddhist ancestors lineage. So Fuyo Dokkai said to Tosugise, it is said that the thoughts and words of the Buddha ancestors are the everyday rice and tea. Everyday rice and tea. The thoughts, and the words of the Buddha's ancestor, meaning the teachings, you know, are everyday rice and tea. Besides this, are there any other words or phrases for teaching?

[33:24]

This is Fuyo Dokai. And I really appreciate this. It's like he's saying the thoughts and words are just everyday rice and tea. That's the most... you know, really everyday stuff, rice everyday in the monasteries probably, and tea everyday, this is what you ate and drank, nothing special, nothing fancy, really grounded rice and tea, and everyday ordinary stuff. And this is what are the Buddha's words, the Buddha ancestors' words and thoughts. And then he's saying, Then he has this second question. Besides that, are there any other words or phrases for teaching? Like, kind of what I hear in this is, you've got to be kidding. Isn't there something else that you're not telling me? What are you keeping hidden? Are you, like, waiting for me to, before you bring out the real stuff?

[34:28]

Because, you know, rice and tea? Really? That's kind of what I hear in this. And, to sugisei, what he says to him, which is kind of enigmatic, but not surprisingly, or sounds enigmatic, he says, when the, tell me, he says, tell me, when the emperor needs to put out an edict, does he need to check with the ancient emperors? And he names them Yao, Shang, these different Chinese emperors, Yao, Tang, Shen, and Yu. This is how he responds to And so that's what Tosugise says, and then Fuyo Dokai is about to say something, and Tosugise takes his whisk and covers his mouth. And at that point, Fuyo Dokai woke up. And he bowed deeply and turned and began to go.

[35:30]

And Tosugise said, Reverend, wait. Have you reached the place of no doubt? And Fu Yodokai put his hands over his ears and just kept on walking right out the door. So this story, it ties in for me with these questions as how are we going to teach? How are we going to convey? And here's this one saying that the ordinary words and phrases our everyday rice and tea. There isn't something that you lack that I'm hiding from you that you need to get in order for you to be a Buddha ancestor, really. It's as grounded and not extraordinary, un-extraordinary as rice and tea and

[36:34]

When you keep thinking, besides this, isn't there anything else? Aren't there other words and phrases? If we keep thinking, there's got to be something more than that. Some special higher state. As long as we think in that way, we will find that we can't settle completely in ordinary rice and tea, that we lack nothing. We lack nothing and we are affirmed and confirmed moment after moment, always. Before, if we're always thinking there's got to be something else, and I'm going to get it, I'm going after it. That's gaining mind, that's seeking after, that's never being content. So turning the light back, settling into that cauldron,

[37:38]

and I would also venture to say this is how grandmother heart mind comes forth each and everything of our ordinary life which is not separate from blue sky so that we think we have to seek after blue sky time Blue sky time is now. So letting go of besides this, isn't there anything else? Besides this moment, isn't there something else? And it's as ordinary as rice and tea. Maybe it's renunciation. Letting go. So as we accept and meet the grievous suffering within the blue sky and our human life where there is calamity, I encourage us all to not turn away and not seek for anything special.

[39:06]

And this is the wind of the family house. This is our everyday life together. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[39:50]

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