This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening, everyone. Good to see you. Good to be here. And is there anybody here at Zen Center at City Center Beginners Mind Temple for the first time? One person. Welcome. Did I miss anybody else? It's great to have you with us, and great to have everybody here with us online, too. We have people out there in the other electronic universe joining us, and all of the ways we have leaped forward via COVID and how to access the rest of the planet. That was the blessing, I guess, with COVID in some sort of way. My name is Michael McCord. I am a resident priest here, and I... was ordained by Ryushin Paul Haller.

[01:01]

I'd like to thank my teacher Paul as well as the Eno for being so great and helping set everything up tonight. This next Monday we're off here at this temple. It is a holiday and it is the 19th of June and This is a holiday that we're going to be celebrating, and it is a very Buddhist holiday, the 19th of June. And the 19th of June, since 2021 in this country, has been a federal holiday, and it has been celebrated yearly since 1866 in commemoration of what happened in 1865. And it's called Juneteenth, or it's been called Juneteenth colloquially or commonly since about the 1890s. Before that, it was called Jubilee Day, and it was called that for a number of years.

[02:08]

And this is the day where the very last individuals who were not freed people but were in slavery in the 13 different states in the United States heard via a proclamation, that they were actually no longer officially slaves. And this reached them on June 19th, 1865, even though the Civil War here in the United States had been over essentially since April 9th. Here we were two months later. And they did not know that they had their freedom. Or what we would say is the beginning of... the opportunity to find some freedom. You see, this is a situation where in this country, individuals had been enslaved for generations, for hundreds of years.

[03:09]

And then this proclamation goes out that, okay, the war is over. We already had the proclamation way before the war even ended, but now we can actually enforce it into the 13 states that had rebelled from the Union and still wanted to keep slavery as an institution. And now all of those people have been told as of the end of May of 18, June 19th, 1865. And Texas was an outpost. Galveston was where it was announced, the island of Galveston, actually. And a union general finally made his way to Texas, and a lot of people tried to get away from the war and get away from it by moving westward. And there were upwards of 250,000 people in slavery in Texas alone when that proclamation went out. And now you're free. At that time, there was no institutional education system.

[04:21]

There was no banking system. There was no system of laws for voting. I mean, you hear that you have freedom. You hear that you have freedom, but maybe you have never been given the opportunity to even go to school. Maybe you've never had the opportunity to even raise your own children, to maybe even be raised by your parents. And you're told that you have freedom. But what does that mean? Well, this is the beginning of a path, a long path, that this country is still going through, that is one of the deepest and oldest scars in this country. And we are going to be celebrating this freedom announcement on Monday, and this temple will be closed. And this is such a Buddhist holiday. Because you come and you start studying Buddhism.

[05:26]

And what do you find when you start studying Buddhism? You find that you already have freedom and liberation. You find that you already have what you need. You find that you're in a prison of your own making. People say, you have freedom. This is a message of liberation. And we chant it with the Heart Sutra. The most commonly chanted sutra in all of Buddhism, the Heart Sutra. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, when deeply practicing Prajnaparamita, clearly saw that all five aggregates were empty and thus relieved all suffering. Or thus was free. Free from suffering. The very first sentence in the Heart Sutra. The Synopsis of Buddhism. But it isn't that easy, is it? You find out that you've got this message of freedom. The message of freedom finally reaches you.

[06:28]

But oh, all of the other stuff. And in this case, all of the stuff that we inherited from our grandparents, from our parents, from society, the neurobiology of our great-grandmother, who knows all the stuff that we inherited. that coalesce to give us that next moment. And so we've been given the message of freedom, the message of liberation, but now we've got a long path ahead of us. And this is a very Buddhist concept, the news of liberation. And then what next? We have been studying then what next for the enslaved peoples of this country, for the last 170 years, and we have got a lot of work to do. A lot of people have done a lot of work, but there is still a lot of work to do. Do I know that I'm free?

[07:32]

Buddhism has been trying to get that message out to people for thousands of years, and so I've been told about the message of liberation, and that I've also been told that I am in a cage of my own making, and the key is in my pocket. I've also been told that the cage is my imagination and that the key is actually realizing that. So what is keeping me in the cage? Well, we find out very soon in looking at the Buddhist unfolding of the Four Noble Truths we find that everything starts with suffering the concept of suffering that it is interwoven into human experience it's called dukkha in Pali and in many of the original translations the metaphor that is surrounding the

[08:45]

dukkha analogy, the dukkha word, the suffering, is a wheel on a spoke that is a little bit off kilter. That is just, you know, and if you go fast enough, what's going to happen? It's going to crash. It's not aligned. There's something there with suffering. but is just misaligning us with the universe. And the first kind of suffering that we find out is the physical kind of suffering, which is the mental pain and anguish of inevitable stresses like old age and sickness and death and physical suffering. We find that the second kind of suffering is the distress we feel as a result of impermanence and change. Because we'd like things to be constant. We'd like them to be solved. We would like our problems to not be something that we couldn't just solve and then have them be done. And that I would be a permanent thing that could be solved rather than something that is ever changing.

[09:51]

And the pain of failing to get what we want and of losing what we hold dear. All this is the second. So the first would be the physical. The second would be this concept of not getting what we want. Or pushing away the things that we got that we didn't want. Holding on to things too tightly. But this whole concept of grasping and releasing, grasping and releasing. This concept that if I hold on to some things more tightly, that I will then be free of pain. And that if I push other things away, then I will be free of pain. And that I am a permanent entity. And that if I hold on to things or I push them away, then I will be free of pain. And that is the second way in which we suffer. The first one was sickness, old age, and death. And then this concept is the second one. The third kind is the angst of just being human, living a conditioned existence.

[10:54]

Really the existential suffering of just being a human being on this planet. And the second one goes through all of it, which is our concept of suffering. It's kind of what we do about the suffering. our head the vision the lens that we have about the suffering i am suffering for some sort of reason i'm going to do something about it and typically what we do is we hold on to something a little bit more tightly or we push something else away and both of those are called attachment we're attached to the idea that i need to keep this away from me i'm attached the idea that i need to hold on to this thing over here i call it sitting or being right between whack-a-mole, and holding onto shiny objects. You know, the shiny objects, whether you want to trap a raccoon, the best way to trap a raccoon, they do this in the southern part of the States where there's lots of raccoons. They carve a little hole in a tree that's just barely big enough to put a shiny object in, like a bead or a ball bearing.

[11:55]

And then it's big enough to put it in there, but it's not big enough to get a raccoon hand in there and hold onto it and take it out. And a raccoon will go in. They're very, for some reason, detracted to shiny objects. And they will go, and they will reach their hand into the tree, and they will grab onto the shiny object, and they won't let go of it, and they'll be trapped. They will be in a complete trap of their own grasping. And it's just a perfect metaphor for what we all do. Holding onto things that would... But no, we don't want to let go of it. And it's even to the point that if you want to trap a raccoon, you can walk up on a raccoon that is holding onto an object in a tree and you can put it in a bag. All the way to the point of being captured, the raccoon will not let go of the shiny object. And I have certainly had shiny objects like that in my life. Some of them were things that I didn't like. that I kept skipping around my brain about over and over again, a story that's plaguing me, but I can't let go of the story.

[13:01]

Or other times there are escapist things that I'm doing or thinking about that keep me away from the other stuff. I have been that raccoon. I have been bagged by my own cage many times and caught because of the shiny object. And then on the other side, we have all of the other sorts of attachment. It's attachment to the idea that if I keep this away from me, I will then be happy. If I have this person leave the Sangha, then I will be happy. If this person that I work with, if this person in my family, if this whatever, if that thing changes, then I will be happy. I just need to keep that away from me, then I will be happy. I had the opportunity to play this out in a really interesting way. I lived at Tassajara, our monastery down south, for many years. And if you live there year-round for a few years, you're kind of sequestered into this little valley with the same 40 to 60 people living there year-round.

[14:04]

And if you live there long enough with human beings, you will have something that pops up inside, I certainly did, that says, I don't like this person as much, and I like that person a lot more than And they always have this attraction and aversion going. Get enough people together, and you will find people that bug you and people that don't bug you. And then the thought arises after enough months that maybe if that person wasn't practicing in the valley with us, it would be so much nicer in the valley. But okay, we will just deal with having that person in the valley. And maybe there's one or two people, and they're the one or two people that bug you, but okay. And then you find out that they're leaving and then you feel bad because you thought, oh, I wish that person was leaving and now they are leaving. But there's a little part of you that's kind of happy, like, well, maybe things will be a little bit better around here. And then a few weeks pass and I notice that I have now replaced those two people with two other people in the Sangha.

[15:09]

What do you know? And sometimes I have replaced them with two people in the Sangha that were there all along that didn't used to bug me. And now, for whatever reason, they do. One of the reasons that we build these monasteries is so that we can make things small enough and basic enough that it's ridiculous what it is that we end up doing and we can have a chance of seeing it. And you can have these little, you know, we serve gamasio, this little sesame seed and salt. condiments in our meals but there's a protocol around how you pass it during oreoche and there's one person that's supposed to pass it to the other person based upon how it was served but you might really want salt on your food and a little bit of that gamasio but you don't want to break protocol but this person isn't realizing it and they are not passing me the gamasio And I have had body reactions that are the same body reactions I've had around taxes and big things at work and education and big things that are legit in society, things I'm legitimately allowed to be stirred up about.

[16:26]

And then I start realizing how much of this world is my own creation. And now it's just about Gamasio. And I have that same body reaction. that they are not passing me the gamasio. A cage of our own making, a world of our own making. And then we start to realize that we have a filter. That a lot of our... pain comes from the fact that we have a filter that we're putting on top of everything. I had this realization one time when I was just walking down a hallway on a day where I was not bothered at all and I was feeling pretty good and I wasn't terribly excited and I really wasn't disturbed by anything and I was just walking down a hallway and it dawned on me even right now I have a filter.

[17:29]

At all times I have a filter. And it's not something that I'm going to war with, but it is something that I'm getting in touch with. Because it's too vast what creates that filter. But solutions come into awareness as I start to hold my own stories more lightly. And I start to realize that my suffering is largely stemming from those stories. and what I am afraid of, and what I am trying to hold on to, and what I am trying to push away from me. And to start to embrace the filter as something that is not a malignancy to be cut out, but something that is a clue to what is actually going on. There's this quote from Rilke that I love that's about this. was a um a poet and a writer late 19th century early 20th century and i just love how much of the stuff that he writes it's hard to believe he wasn't a practicing buddhist but um this quote i try to remember when i get to some of my wanting to know and see through my filter and just understand and like okay i'm tired of this funhouse mirror i just want to understand

[19:03]

What's causing my suffering? Specifically, what's causing my suffering? He says, be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, gradually, without noticing it, you will then live it some distant day into the answer. Having the spaciousness that it's okay to not necessarily understand what's going on, to understand that my filter is something that's going to take time to unfold, to not go to war with myself because that I have a filter, and to be there in zazen as we're sitting in meditation, in our daily practice and the things that come up, and to be a host to both the aversion and the attraction, but not to add one bit to any of them, but to hold it graciously and spaciously with whatever is coming up, and to embrace the shadow side, the uncomfortable, and to realize that we might have a period of meditation that isn't so comfortable, but we might have learned something, and can I hold that the way that I would hold a crying baby?

[20:30]

with just spaciousness and understanding. Now, we can look at other people's confinement, and you can say, I've had plenty of friends, family members, acquaintances, and I can just look and I can say, if they would quit doing X, if they would stop believing X, if they would stop fearing X, they could do anything. And to realize other people see me the same way. Anyone here can think of someone that you've seen before, that you know, that you love, that just isn't getting something, that isn't seeing something. And to you, it's pretty clear what's causing that little wheel to skip and be off balance. Why that suffering is just going. That's why I love that analogy from the early Buddhist texts of the wheel that's on a spoke, but it's a little bit off center. And it's just skipping.

[21:31]

It's not really working. And other people see me that way. The stuff I'm doing that's holding me back. Being told that we're free is just the start of our journey into seeing our fears and our shiny objects. And we're invited to stop going between playing the game whack-a-mole and the clinging to our shiny objects. know if everyone knows the term whack-a-mole i don't know if this is really a great game for moles but there's this thing at fairs that they have where where you you have a a spongy paddle and then like the the mole comes up out of the different holes and you try to like track the the mole wherever it's coming up and you like push it back down no no no and i imagine myself with all of the stuff that i don't want to accept you know no no No, that's not true. That's not me. That's not the thing. I don't want to hang around that person. I don't want this to be true. You know, whack-a-mole. Right in between that and shiny objects, the things that I want to trip on or the things I want to escape with, what about what's happening right here without all of those stories?

[22:42]

Attachment is the opposite of acceptance. The absolute opposite of acceptance. I love this quote from Suzuki Roshi. This is from May 26, 1966. And he says, The secret of all the teaching of Buddhism is how to live on each moment. Moment after moment, we have to obtain absolute freedom. Moment after moment, we have to obtain absolute freedom. That's the secret of all the teaching of Buddhism, is how to live each moment. That's the secret. And moment after moment, we exist in interdependency to the past and to the future and into each other's existence. That's where the liberation is. I don't have to wait for it. Ultimately, I can start right now in Zazen.

[23:49]

I can start right now with the next person I meet. And I can try to drop my stories. And I can realize that moment after moment is where we obtain absolute freedom. Suffering starts with the incorrect view that this self will be protected from suffering if I cling to this and avoid that. And that there is a self that needs protecting. This constant self. We like the feeling of stuff that is constant and is sure. Rather than having to hone our gut and to stay aware with discernment of what's coming up over and over again. What's coming up right now. What's coming up next? In one of our practice periods at Tassajara, my teacher, Ryushin Paul Haller, had this phrase, be aware that you're aware when you're aware.

[24:57]

And did I get that right, Ryushin? remember that you're aware. No, but the thing is, is be aware that you're aware when you're aware, but not, and then judge your awareness, then categorize your awareness. Then can you be in what's arising? Like the finger pointing at the moon, finger pointing at the moon is the analogy of just like the pure experience you take in the moon. Yeah. You're all by yourself in a beautiful field on a moonlit, full moonlit night. You don't say to yourself, explain the moon. That's a beautiful contrast of that perfect circle against the black backdrop of the sun reflecting. That's not where you go. You're just like, pure experience. Finger pointing at the moon.

[25:59]

That's all that's going on right now. Be aware that you're aware when you're aware. And then let that be what's going on. Be aware of what's happening. Be aware of what's coming up without the discursive mind, without the analysis, without the, I'm sitting really good Sazen this morning. I wasn't yesterday. I hope this continues. No, just the experience. I might be getting clues to what's going on by just sitting and being aware and letting it unfold the way Rilke was talking about letting the questions unfold. Letting the answer dawn on me. letting it come forth without being so impatient that I have to know now. Years ago, I was in Palmyra in Syria with some folks that were living in the same place I was in Jordan.

[27:03]

We traveled up north. And I just think of... the permanence that we try to have, the security that we try to have as human beings in our history. And we went to this castle up in Palmyra, north of Damascus. And it was a outpost, I think, of the Ottoman Empire in the 13th or 14th century in this old castle. And it's a deep moat. And there was this bridge across it and it was closed. And for whatever reason, we decided... we found this way to like climb into the castle. And as we were getting near the top of one of these walls and started to crumble a little bit in our hands, I'm thinking, this is an artifact. I shouldn't be like making a castle, this old crumble. And I realized that actually there was evidence that this castle was completely falling apart and had for some time. And it had been around for, you know, since the 14th century. And, And someone, I mean, I can only imagine its glory when it was first built.

[28:09]

Because, I mean, it was pretty impressive now. And it was crumbling. And it was hard to get into. And no one was guarding it. But what was that fortress like? There was someone who was trying to keep things out. Who wanted to build something that was really permanent. That was really strong. That was really tall. That was really, you know, we can open the drawbridge and we can let people in that we want to have in. and we can keep all the other folks out that are going to cause us harm. And this symbolism is all over the world trying to build things as permanently as possible, as big as possible, so that we can let in what we want to have let in and keep out what we don't want to have in, and that will keep us safe. And that's so symbolic for what we do with our suffering. If I can just build a castle, that lets all the people in that I want to have in and keeps all the people out that I don't want to have in, then I will not suffer.

[29:10]

What is it to just go into a dining room and to sit down with the next person and not think about the table where I should sit? What is it to be at a platform in a large train station and to play the game of who am I not noticing? Just to play with your filter and to notice that we notice some people and we don't notice others. And to notice our attraction and aversion. And then to hold it and to be with it. And not to judge it. We have these things because at some point they were ways that we survived. But most of these things far out extend their and they end up being our fetters that keep us back and separating us from each other. Suzuki Roshi had this other quote that I love.

[30:16]

And he says, because you have, you know, the silly idea of self, you have a lot of problems. Our idea of ourself, who we are, How we manifest in the world. That is where we have a lot of problems. A cage of our own making. A key is in our pocket. And the cage is actually an illusion. And the key is realizing that it's an illusion. But he says, because you have, you know, a silly idea of self, you have a lot of problems. We have the news that we are free. But we still have all of this stuff that's going to keep us from actually realizing our freedom. Suffering starts with the incorrect view that this self will be protected from suffering if I cling to this and avoid that. And that there is a self that needs protecting.

[31:20]

And on Monday, I invite you to wake up and to remind yourself that you are free. That you are liberated. That there is a path that leads to freedom. And that's what this entire practice is about. But just like the individuals back in 1865, someone tells you that you're free. But now what? Your children don't have any schools. The banks won't lend you any money. You can't vote. how are you going to actually function in society? That was the beginning of a very long road that is still going today. It was not when people gained freedom. It was when they got the news that they were no longer slaves and that now they could move in a way that was a little bit more towards freedom.

[32:25]

There's a lot that has to be done. And with us, we have the news that we are free, but we've got all of these, Castles that we built for ourselves. That have kept people out. That have kept us safe. So we thought. And we start on a path to realizing our freedom when we understand that we are essentially free. And that that starts in the next moment. That that starts in the next moment. I went back and I looked to see if there was a quote from Suzuki Roshi on June 19th. And there was. In 1966, on June 19th, this is what Suzuki Roshi said. Stop comparing this world to the other world, this moment to the next moment.

[33:28]

We should live in the eternal present. Here we have eternal life in its true sense. Freedom is in the next moment, and then we can build a life that's based on that by being in it. Here we have eternal life in its true sense, living in the eternal present. From Suzuki Roshi on June 19, 1966. I invite you on Monday to wake up to say, I am free. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[34:28]

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