and unsurpassed, penetrating, and the victim is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million kalpas, having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I vow to taste the truth of the... Those words. Well, good morning again, everyone. I can see a few people, so I'm going to imagine all of you. I'm in that panel of you, so I can see a few of your faces. Good morning, Claire. Good morning, Leslie and Francisco and Sandra and Jason and Lisa and others.

[02:09]

Good morning. My name is Susan. And some of us have been sitting for a couple of days and are about to sit a little bit more to acknowledge and maybe even celebrate three weeks of intensive study of change. And we're going to do this by not moving. At the beginning of this month, Mark Lesser and I began with many of you a study of Zen and work inspired by Dogen's instructions to the head curve. And then the world stirred up quite a stew for us to digest. We started that study with the proposition that Zen and work and work and Zen are not two. And we're now in a place where it couldn't be more clear that self and other are not two.

[03:18]

We're living in the intimate reality of connection. We are so close that the smallest organism is able to travel through our shared fluids. I read something the other day that said if one were to take a human hair and make it the size of a football field, the virus would be four inches. That's how close we are. And we're even closer than that because we're intertwined. Our air is shared. Our boundaries are imaginary. They're built out of ideas for the sake of convenience. In order to use language and to own things. When we started the intensive on Zen and work.

[04:30]

I suggested that maybe we pay attention to. the vow to benefit all beings as we studied our own individual work practice. And I offered that it might be helpful to set a clear intention just beyond just improving our own way we work and our practice skills. It was a request to consider a basic transformation. in the way we see ourselves in the world. And to ask the question of whether we can truly place the well-being of the world before our own. By understanding that in the same way that work and practice aren't two, we're not separate. And at that time, at the beginning of this month, I proposed a gatha, which is a

[05:33]

And it's a wish that I often use when I am tempted to try to control the outcome of something I think is important. So I say, may the result that is the most beneficial to the most number of beings happen. And then came an outcome that few of us could foresee. So now I ask, how can this result be the most beneficial to the most number of beings? I saw a quote the other day that's a hint at a way that might be possible. It's from Albert Camus from his book, Appropriately

[06:34]

entitled The Plague, he says, no longer were there individual destinies, only a collective destiny made of plague and emotions shared by awe. This was written in 1846, the year I was born. When the request came on March 17th to shelter in place, I was able to settle into the embrace of one thing that was relatively stable, the container of my apartment. And in that container, I was able to surrender.

[07:36]

When that surrender happened to me, the pressure that had been building up in the marrow of my bones, the inflammation that was occurring in my nervous system, released itself. And buoyancy. I was no longer exhausted because I wasn't fighting what is. I was no longer trying to narrow the river of incoming requests, no longer trying to change the nature of the fire that was appearing in the world in the form of sickness and financial instability. Long ago, probably in ancient China, a monk asked an old master, When hundreds, thousands, or myriads of objects come all at once, what should be done?

[08:51]

The master replied, don't try to control them. There is very little we can even imagine controlling right now. And it seems that this is or could be a time of questioning basic assumptions or even surrendering them. To surrender my assumptions means to stop protecting myself from what might happen. And I propose that the result of this kind of surrender is to dwell in love. Because love is what is uncovered, what is revealed when we stop resisting.

[09:55]

And love isn't something we do. It's what we actually are. It takes no effort whatsoever. other than the initial surrender. And true surrender happens. It's not forced. And this kind of surrender is not passive. It includes not giving up. I was aided in my surrendered by the fire of fear or the gift of fear. A gift because we often need fear to see what we're holding on to in order for fear and everything else to fall away in the light of awareness.

[11:12]

And what we're deeply holding onto are our illusions of control and our delusion of separateness. So what we're surrendering to is the reality of impermanence and the reality of non-separateness. We surrender to the emptiness of impermanence and the fullness of connection. And the result of this surrender is the peace of non-preference and a buoyant and flexible body and mind. More ready.

[12:18]

To respond to the cries of the world. So beside this gift of fear. What else can help us surrender to what is? With this enforced. Physical separation has come an increased amount of social and spiritual content. We're all doing that right now. Even though it's virtual, it counts. There's something about the similar look of being stunned on the faces of my friends and family. The reverberations of the shock of so much change at once.

[13:24]

Looking at faces was like looking into a mirror or maybe into the face of an identical twin. We may be individuals, but the waves of change have hit us all. And I can see it in your faces. Can you see it in mine? I propose the awareness of intimacy with all beings helps us maintain the capacity to surrender and face waves. We are all in this together. That phrase has never been more true. I can affect you and be affected by you.

[14:32]

I can infect you and be infected by you. You can affect and be affected by me. I can help you. You can help me. Have you seen this happening? I want to offer you an image today of to me is one symbol of this intimacy with everything. It's the patchwork robe. And I propose that we're all wearing one. We're all monastics now. When we ordain, We sew a rope. In the ancient times, these robes were fashioned from cloth that had been retrieved from the charnel grounds, having been wrapped around dead and rotting bodies.

[15:38]

The cloth was then washed and carefully sewn into panels. And the Buddha instructed to Ananda that his monks should create robes that were designed to reflect The format of rice fields. So pieces of shrouds from the dead depicting the staff of life. These robes sewn by hand with a vow to take refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha on each stitch. made up of birth and death and dedicated to community. Here's a story. It's from the book called Transmission of the Lamp, which is a collection of enlightenment tales of our Zen ancestors.

[16:48]

This is about the purpose of the patchwork world. Liangshan studied with Zen master Tang Gan and was his attendant. One day, Tang Gan asked him, what is the business under the patchwork robe? Liangshan, as sometimes happens, could not answer him. Tang Gan very kindly said, in studying Buddhism, if you don't reach this state, that is most, You ask me and I'll tell you. Vyongshan then asked his teacher, what is the business under the patchwork robe? Tongan said, intimacy. And Vyongshan was thereupon greatly enlightened.

[17:54]

And he prostrated himself and was so moved that his tears wet his robes. Tongan, wise teacher that he was, then said, now that you are awakened, can you answer? The young John said he could. Tongan asked, what is the business? under the patchwork rope. Le Yongshan said, Intimacy. Tang Gan looked at his beloved student and replied, Intimacy. Intimacy. Intimacy beyond. Intimacy. The patchwork robe wraps the world.

[18:59]

It's our collective destiny. As Kangoo said, no longer a very individual destiny, it's only a collective destiny made of playing and emotions shared by all. I propose that we have all been ordained by the great teacher called COVID-19. And that the patchwork robe we are wearing is made up of the panels of people we see on Zoom and the maps of the virus statistics and the porches of singing Italians and the face masks of hospital workers and the ventilators of those who are sick and dying. It is in the photos from space that show a world without boundaries over which we choose to draw. The false walls of separation. We are all monastics now.

[20:02]

And what is monastic? Besides someone who chooses to confine themselves to a space for the benefit of others. I found this statement from a Canadian Soto Zen teacher called. We should roll us. He says, for monastics, there is always just the freshness and vitality of right now, of these colors and forms and sounds and sensations. It is waking up each day what may seem to others to be just way too early with the opportunity to practice this way of awakening that unfolds each moment as the complete intimacy. of reality. This true intimacy slices completely through perceptions of self and other, your stuff and my stuff. It is complete exposure to this moment as it is.

[21:09]

I say that this patchwork road leaves nothing uncovered. underlines and warns and cultivates the reality of intimacy beyond intimacy of self and other. The intimacy of not knowing together. Intimacy is none other than allowing separation to dissolve. Intimacy is a kind of surrender. And I would add, being a monastic is being a spiritual friend to the world. I looked this up in the Pali Canon, the definition of a spiritual friend. It says, monks, a friend endowed with seven qualities is worth associating with.

[22:17]

Which seven? He gives what is hard to give. She does what is hard to do. He endures what is hard to endure. She reveals her secrets to you. And she keeps your secrets. When misfortune strikes, he doesn't abandon you. When you are down and out, she doesn't look down on you. We are... spiritual trends to each other and could be that to the world right now. We choose. And we maintain these spiritual friendships by deeply listening. Loving without expectation, reciprocation. When we're deeply listening, our self is

[23:25]

but not to talk outside, is quieted. And maybe when we're deeply listening, the self is even somewhat dissolved. When we listen, our focus is not entirely on the self, nor is it entirely on the friend. It is on the meeting that is taking place. And I think as monastics and spiritual friends, we are messengers of love. For as the poet Michael Leuning puts it in his short but powerful poem, there are only two feelings, love and fear. There are only two languages, love and fear. There are only two activities, love and fear.

[24:31]

There are only two motives, two procedures, two frameworks, two results, love and fear. Love and fear. Sometimes we call ordained people home leavers or world leavers. But the deeper teaching is that there's no world to leave, no home to leave. We are all instead, especially now, home stayers. We are living in the reality of separate, but not separate. To realize the great matter, which Tongan said Leongshan must do, is to understand that there's no separation between eras or countries or work or practice or self or other or people and viruses.

[25:45]

This understanding of the emptiness of separateness is necessary, for without it, we are biased. Words, freedom. We just want to get out of our humanness. So we say that home leaders must give up everything, but especially the desire to turn away from suffering, especially the desire to leave the world. How do we realize the intimacy beneath the patchwork? Well, we can stop creating the thoughts of inside and outside. When we emphasize that objects are outside ourselves, we feel loneliness, alienation, a feeling of lacking, of inadequacy. By making things outside ourselves, we instantly begin to long for them.

[26:52]

way we miss the fact that we're already composed of everything. We think we need what is outside to complete ourselves and so we search here and there. Intimacy means that no such search is necessary. It means that things animate and inanimate are already closer in your own skin. Yes. These are difficult times. Yes. Some of us are tired and depressed and scared. But by shifting our view when ready and including all beings in our view of what's good for me by taking on the possibility that we are all monastics embraced by the patchwork robe of the ecosystem, warmed and companioned by the whole world

[28:22]

We have the chance of realizing and being refreshed by the emptiness of separation and the fullness and the presence of all life. Surrendering to what is can be a lot less challenging when it includes the intimacy and embrace of all life. and the protection of the patchwork robe of love. We know it's an unprecedented, in our lifetime at least, situation. And that some of the ideas I've shared could seem irrelevant on how to survive each day. But I propose that we need to meet something so big and disruptive with something big and disruptive.

[29:32]

If not now, when? As the Tenzo says in the Tenzo Kyokan, if not me, Can we use this time to deepen our understanding of reality? Can we come out of this with a new appreciation for our connectivity? How will that cause us to act? How will that cause us to settle into a different view of the preciousness of our shared experience. What will be the result that is the most beneficial to the most amount of people? So that's what I have to offer this morning.

[30:46]

And I notice We still have some more time. And I also know that there is a question and answer period that's coming. So Zendo host, please instruct me on what we should do right now. Sure. Thank you, Susan. Anyone who would like to pose a question? or offer a comment can open the participants pane by hovering your mouse over the bottom of your Zoom window. Click on participant. There, JT can be the first. Okay. All right. Okay, JT. Thank you so much. Every time I go to the San Francisco Zen Center talks, I always hear something completely different that I'm hearing on the outside world.

[31:49]

And so I just want to thank you so much for opening up this world to me by putting Zoom out there. And I wouldn't have found this if it hadn't been for Roger Hilliard. So thanks so much, Susan. I really appreciate the time that you're taking to remind us that we should go inside. Thanks, you guys. You're welcome. And yes, it's good to acknowledge our spiritual friends. So thank you, Roger. Carol Ann Smith. Hi, Susan. Hi, Carol Ann. I was by a sentence you said early in your talk when you said thank you very much for your talk. This has been just totally wonderful. When you said our boundaries are imaginary. Created to something. And own things. Remember what you said?

[32:51]

Well, I don't even have to look because I'm pretty clear that someone asked this question the other day in a question and answer period. Where does ego come from? And my understanding is one of the causes and conditions is for the sake of language. I heard you say that. Yes. Yes. Yes. And so in order for us to, but I think even more so for the sake of owning things. So in order for us to say, this is my rock, there has to be a me and a rock. So that's a boundary right there that gets drawn. It's mine and not the collective tribe doesn't have access to the rock I'm going to. have access to this rock on my own. So that's all something we have made up.

[33:53]

And I've heard Buddhism described as swimming upstream because I think what we're undoing by trying to understand how reality actually works is we're undoing those suppositions that we put in place for convenience sake. And we're understanding underneath those false boundaries, what life is really about. Thank you for your answer. You're welcome. I wonder, I'm going to open up the chat. I wonder if you said that okay. Someone has the ball game on TV. I didn't know they were having ball games right now.

[34:58]

Did anyone feel comfortable when I suggested that they were ordained? Because you don't have to be, you know. Someone has a question. David. Can you see that? David Rosenheim. Hi, Susan. Thank you. That was a wonderful talk. On this question of being ordained, I was reading in Suzuki Roshi's epilogue to Zen Mind Beginner's Mind that as he was establishing the Zen center, that the American way is different than the way it's practiced in Japan, that the monastic life is not quite the monastic life that perhaps he had come from.

[36:11]

I'm just wondering if you can talk a little bit more about this idea of us being ordained or this transitory place of practice and expressing that practice to others. Those are two questions. One of the great, I think, gifts to Buddhism and beyond Suzuki Roshi himself and his way and his spirit of adventure and to come over here and meet an unruly bunch of barefooted hippies and beatniks and share with them his practice, is that when it hit the culture that it hit, when Zen hit the culture of the 60s, Suzuki Roshi was flexible in how he

[37:24]

worked with the application of some of the forms. And in fact, I think one of the greatest gifts that Western Buddhism has given to Buddhism and maybe to the world is having men and women practice together. So the celibacy aspect of being ordained or being a monk wasn't going to work here at that time. It's a very valid practice in many places. offer that, and that's a great path. But for a wider path, this combination of lay and ordain practice, so we keep trying to define what it means for us to be priests, those of us who are priests, or lay ordained teachers. What does it all mean? We're in a mutating time for some of the forms, which is great because as Buddhism moves from culture to culture, it adapts, it allows, it opens, it's inviting so that more people can come in and be exposed to the things that don't change, the basic teachings.

[38:44]

So Zen Center's mission says in it that we equally respect formal, and householder practice. And we could do a little bit better on the training of non-priest ordained teachers. We could do better with that. But the vow or the mission is to equally uphold the possibility of not ordaining. When one priest ordains, one takes on the responsibility for ceremonies, for instance, and lay ordained. Ordained people don't necessarily do that. So there are still some differences. But my suggestion this morning was a wide view on what it means to feel responsible for the well-being of everyone, which I think is the basic vow of an ordained person. And your other question was a little bit wide for me to be able to actually answer.

[39:51]

We see some hands coming up now. And so maybe Michael Gelfand, and then Ryan, and then Biti. Hi, Susan. Hello to everyone. Hello, Michael. Hello. Hi. Thank you very much for the talk and for Zen Centers being here for us all, the virtual Zen Dope. Jeff just started taking advantage. I was really... wonderful to be with everyone. I was just thinking as you were speaking about Suzuki Roshi and the difficulties that he went through in his life, which by some measures, for example, the famine in Japan during World War II, the scale of the hardship, in some ways is, you know, you could say much more difficult than what a lot of us are going through.

[41:04]

Not much more difficult than what some of us are certainly going through. The 3 million or more people who filed for uninsurance, for... Unemployment insurance. Unemployment, thank you. But I'm... I'm struck myself by the scale of the emotional difficulty of the uncertainty of all of this, the feelings of dread and the unknown where this is going to land, when it will land, if such a thing is actually possible. So anyway, I don't exactly know what my question is, but those are some of the thoughts that I have on this. I wonder if that provokes anything for you, if you'd like to comment.

[42:11]

Well, I'm very familiar with the desire to try to control things. I'm someone who likes results and moving projects forward, and I have a high value for momentum. And so there's a big, a big vector in me to try to control, which is why that that gata that I said at the beginning, there was a moment in time about a year and a half ago when there was a big decision coming down on the project that I am very, very in love with. about creating a Zen-inspired senior living community. And I could feel what you're describing, my heart getting in a chest, getting tight, and the anxiety rising, and the dreadful thoughts of it's going to fall apart, and all of those things. And something in me said, give it up.

[43:14]

Give it up, but don't let it. So by putting a stick of incense in front of, in this case, my statue of Guan Yin, and saying, may the result that is the most beneficial for the most number of people happen. Because I don't know what that is. And neither do you. So... rather than worried about my own devastation if something happened that I didn't want, I gave it up, which is actually the truth, is that I don't know even what's best for me. I will find out when something happens, and I will work with however it shows up. But that release was such a gift for me when that just came out of the blue. and saved me from the pressure of dread.

[44:21]

Not that we don't plan, not that we don't care, not that we give up. We don't give up, but we don't hold on. I don't know if that helps, but... Thank you very much. You're welcome. I can't see the people on my screen who are speaking, so I'm just... looking at all of you right now. Here was another person, Brian Asmussen. Thank you, Susan, and thank you. Oh, can you hear me? Now I can, yes. Oh, good, okay. Well, thank you, Susan, for your talk, and thank you, everyone else, for being here. What Dharma advice would you have for someone like myself, a teacher, who, somewhat introverted by nature, obviously has to take on, you know, if he wants to do a good job, a lot of students and their concerns and their problems, and that at times it gets very overwhelming.

[45:33]

You know, one tries to have that borderless mind. And... and just sort of take in and accept the drama and the struggle and the so on and so forth. But for someone on the more introverted side of the scale, it can be overwhelming and it can feel like my container is overflowing. And then that's a source of regret and pain for me. So I was just wondering if you had any thoughts about that. And thank you so much. You're welcome. Well, when you said Dharma advice, that's a little heavy for me. So I'm just going to talk to you and say, I think what we can find out about ourselves, particularly in Zazen, is what it means for us to be upright. So for an introverted person, there's a place that's not too far forward into the suffering of others, and that's back just enough

[46:40]

for you to find your own balance. You can't be an extrovert if you're not. So to really, and maybe just in meditation, you know, letting the body find balance. It likes balance. And then in that state, what's the balance for your heart? How open can it or can't it be? Your job is to know your capacity. Because if you lean too far forward, you're not going to be as helpful to someone if you're off your own balance. So each person has their own way of knowing what is upright. And the possibility for merging with suffering is quite high right now. And we have to really watch that because we will exhaust ourselves. Suffering is everywhere. And no one's left out right now, pretty much.

[47:43]

So, yeah, find your place where you are. What is it? When we find our place where we are, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point. So the balance, you will know it. You will know what you need. And, you know, expand a little, try a little bit more extrovert than you usually do, but not too much. Take care of yourself. Thank you very much. You're welcome. There's one more question. I don't know if that's your name, B-I-T-Y, or if that's just the name of your phone. Hi, Susan. Can you hear me? Yes, I can. Oh, the other night. Right. Hi. Yeah. Thank you so much for your teaching and your generosity of your time and offering this three-day session for us.

[48:45]

I really appreciate it and enjoy your talk today. And I really think that I like your approach to face this COVID without fear, but with a lot of love and compassion. and to solve the big problem with a big suggestion about being that we are all ordained. And I tried to figure it out. This is a very new concept that being thrown at us. And how do you suggest for us to go forward with this concept as a lay person? Yes, so that's why I asked if I had upset anyone with that idea because some people are like, oh, no, I don't want to be ordained. Even some people in Zen Center are really clear. They don't want to be ordained. So I don't want that to feel oppressive in any way. It's a sense of deeply committing

[49:53]

to help people and you're already doing that. So you're ordained as a doctor, right? And others are ordained as gardeners and they're ordained as grocery store workers and et cetera. So, yeah, I don't think you should, I think you should look at how in your own life can you further commit to your vow, to your own vow to help people. And that we're protected because we're connected. So I don't know if that helps, but thank you so much. You're welcome. Hey, Michael Fisher. Hi, Susan. Thank you for your talk. I'm thinking about a shift that I think I noticed in your language from the result benefiting the greatest number of beings to the greatest amount of people.

[51:03]

And this is something I've been thinking about a lot. This distinction or maybe separation that we sometimes pose between people and beings and the privileging of our species above other species, perhaps. And I guess I'm just wondering about whether this event that we're all experiencing may have something to do with beings beyond our species and that the result that would benefit the greatest number of beings may not benefit the greatest number of people. I'm just struggling with that. I wonder if you could comment. Yeah. So when I initially laid out my talk... I was aware of that difference between people and beings. And my intention was to include all beings. So I think maybe one of the times I said people. But my intention was all beings. And that's another. Your exploration is just another example of how much we don't know right now.

[52:08]

And the potential for change that. Even if we started preparing for it right now, we wouldn't be prepared for it. So this could be felt as helplessness. Or it could be an instruction to surrender and be completely available for what's happening right now. Rather than spending time, you know, imagining things. what we actually can't know yet. And I think it's tempting and intellectually, it's important that certain people are continuing research and understanding certain things that can be understood. But right now for me to go to that posture that what you were proposing would help me meet you right now.

[53:14]

That's my job is to meet you right now and respond without being too taken up with or too contracted around terror of a disaster scenario. I choose to not function that way because I don't find it helpful. And maybe others do. And maybe that's someone needs to be thinking that way. But it doesn't help me. And does it help you? Are you thinking? I can't see your face. And I don't know what you're doing. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you ask a question? I think the internet. I did it. I said. I said. It doesn't help me to go to scenarios about the future that could be cataclysmic, that may or may not happen.

[54:22]

It doesn't help me right now because my job is to meet you and whatever's in front of me, and that drains my energy. But does it help you to think that way? No, I think your reminder about what's here right now is helpful. I think... you're describing as kind of a contracting um feels right okay that that spinning out is is not really helpful not so helpful i mean and hopefully if we can if we can work with what is here we'll work with that skillfully as skillfully as we can thank you these are the skills we're developing for what we don't know is going to happen next because we didn't know this was going to happen next did we And here we are working with it, meeting it. Well, maybe one more question. I see a question. Hi, John. Hi, Susan.

[55:27]

Just to follow up on the last question. In my own practice, I do find, I mean, I don't think you were trying to do that distinction of like beings versus people. But also I do find that in times of illness, there's a sort of a sense of a lot of the comfort foods like chicken soup, there's almost a sense of the non-vegetarianism is this is the right time to do that. I'm indulging in a creature because I'm valuing my health and it's kind of a selecting at that time. I don't know if that thinking goes through other people's mind, but there is a, for me, there's a sort of a laxness that goes along with, um, illness or threat of illness. I mean, you could take it all the way to the level of basic sciences with experimentation on rats and so on, I suppose. But I don't know if that goes through other people's thinking, too, that there's a sort of some kind of exchange or trade-off or something that's there somehow. But I just wanted to bring that forward. Well, thanks, John.

[56:30]

I don't know either how people are working with that. My focus hasn't been on that. When I think of other than human beings. I am very focused on my furry companion who is happier than he's ever been in his entire life. And because I am there snuggling with him every minute and I'm really, really spoiling him and it's going to be difficult later. And also when I was sitting here before we started, the birds are quite happy right now. It's spring for them. So they were chirping and I could hear them because there's a lot less traffic. So that's a relationship with the non-human world. That's one way I'm looking at it, but I will think about what you brought up about whether that's happening to me or not and work with that.

[57:31]

Thank you. Thank you. Zendo host, are we nearing a timeline? Pretty close. Okay. Let's see. Is there one more question or not? Why don't we just do the ending? Chant along with microphone mute. Here we go.

[58:35]

Beings are noblesse. I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are endless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. Okay, thank you. I'm going to scroll through and look at all your faces for a minute. Hello. Hello. Hi, Mark. I'm Mary. Hi, John. Tom. Robbie, hi. Hi, Osh. Tova.

[59:34]

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