This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Is this okay? Welcome to Beginner's Mind Temple. My name is Lucy Xiao. I'm a resident and priest here at Zen Center. My dharma name is Shen Dao in Chinese and Gendo in Japanese.

[01:05]

It's an honor to be here tonight with you all. I'd like to dedicate this evening's talk to Jordan Thorn, a Dharma teacher and friend of us at Zen Center who passed away three days ago, and the loved ones of this community who had passed on before us. I'd like to suggest that we'll start with minute of silence. Thank you.

[02:48]

We just finished a three-day meditation retreat, or Sashim, here Saturday night. And the news came Sunday morning that Jordan had passed away. Tonight I'm going to explore with you all, the great matter of birth and birth. What else can we talk about? What else is more immediate and more important than this great matter? I'm not going to give you an answer, but hoping to encourage you to investigate into this matter and to inquire into your own practice.

[04:01]

In Chan or Zen, I'm going to use this interchangeably because Chan is the Chinese pronunciation. Zen is Japanese. in Chan monasteries in China. When meditation starts, or meditation retreat, we call Sishin here, and they call Chan Qi, seven days, or multiple of seven days for Chan meditation retreat. To mark the beginning of such a retreat, there is a ritual called asking for the life and death leave, meaning to take a leave from everyday life to plunge into the practice and investigation of the great matter of birth and death.

[05:14]

So life and death leave. Before starting the meditation retreat in the Zendhal, everybody would go to the abbot's quarter and make three prostrations and ask for the leave. As they go to the Zendhal for meditation hall, they pass a sounding board or multiple sounding boards made of wood or Metal, like the Han downstairs, that's used to call people to go to meditation. On the board, these verses, or similar verses, are inspired. 生死世大无常迅速各一觉醒善无放异

[06:19]

Great is the matter of birth and death. Sweetly, in permanence passes. Everyone, wake up. Do not waste this life. Everyone, wake up. Do not waste this life. The assembly would engage in the practice for a number of days or weeks, and at the end of the retreat, they would go to the abbot's quarter again and make three bows and ask to xiao sheng zi jiang, or to revoke the leaf, so that they can return to their normal life. It's kind of like our closing ceremony here.

[07:22]

So we had a three-day or three, yeah, three-day, not three-week. We had a, it felt longer. We had a three-day Sishin that ended on Saturday. And we had a closing ceremony for the practice period. And then Sunday. And then a three-day interim. And during... At that time, the residents here did not have to get up early. People could sleep in. And that made everybody happy, I suppose. Although session ended and We enter the interim.

[08:30]

Well, now it's 92. Life never stops. Birth and death never wait for us. Our hearts keep pounding on the sounding board of life. Sweetly in permanence. Passes. Life passes. Wake up. To hear Here's a story of Master Dongshan Liangjie, the founder of Soto Zen in China, our lineage, from the transmission of the light records from the Jingde era of Song Dynasty, Jingde Quan Zongli.

[09:58]

Master Dongshan asked and asked, What is the greatest suffering? The Lord said, the hell round. The Master said, not so. The Lord asked, then what does the Master say? What do you say? Master Genshan answered, not understanding the great matter under these roads. Living under these roads, these clothes, not understanding the great matter is the greatest suffering. What great matter?

[11:02]

the great matter of birth and death. When a child is born or when someone passes away, it certainly reminds us of the immensity of life. and the deep truth of the impermanence. However, living under these robes or whatever clothes we wear, living in this body and mind, we experience birth and death constantly, moment after moment, while we

[12:09]

fully alive? Are we awake? Are we half alive and half awake? Are we caught up in the cycle of habitual ways of thinking and reacting? Swiftly. day and night, life happens. In meditation practice, we try to count or follow the breaths to allow the mind to settle.

[13:10]

So there's more space for our life energy to flow. In retreats, in meditation, or just in your everyday life. You may find yourself replaying some old recordings or movies again and again, or having difficult emotions bubbling up from the deep pool of your being. Does that happen? Sometimes following the breath seems impossible.

[14:22]

Old movies, play. After a while, you remember, oh, come to the breath. And then it plays again. Sometimes we remember to come back to our breath and sometimes we don't and we follow them for a while and realize, oops, where am I? Does that happen to you? And Sometimes we wish these stories and movies to go away because we think they are distractions.

[15:33]

We think that they are distracting us from... Is that so? Have you ever thought these old movies or recordings or strong emotions, passions? Have you ever thought that this must be very important stuff? Otherwise, they won't have kept coming back to visit. Have you ever asked?

[16:42]

Have you ever get closer and look at it, and maybe turn it a little bit, and ask, what's the message here? What do you mean? Where do you come from? What is it that propels this life energy that keeps trying to get your attention? In China, there is a word called hua po. Sometimes,

[17:51]

It's also called term and phrase. The hwato literally means that which precedes the words, that which precedes the question. It means that in the space preceding the words lies the potential to transform your stubbornness, your own being, into insight and realization. To make inquiry into this is called Chan or San in Japanese. We say Chan Chan or San Zen. to inquire into practice.

[18:55]

This inquiry is not about analyzing, not about intellectual understanding, but to evoke the feeling of questioning, curiosity, Don't let a line, sometimes I call. So, we might ask these questions as the huato or Chinese phrase. Who is this? Who am I? Where does it come from? There are many wato or turning phrases from koan collections or stories of the old masters.

[20:17]

But when we read these stories, we have to remember that these stories or these questions were something that were deeply meaningful to these masters when they lived their life, when they practiced. And these questions, returning phrases, make their life or make their practice a life. And we can study them and borrow from them the insights

[21:29]

But if we don't make them into our own practice, our own understanding, then it's like, that's a Chinese phrase, it's like counting other people's money. So, You repeat these phrases, but they're somewhat dry. They are not quite alive for you. So only when you turn them alive, make them alive, or allow your own inquiry, allow your own question, coming from deep inside you.

[22:35]

Can you find your own jewel? So you can ask your own questions, questions that really matters to your heart. let that question and let that feeling of inquiry proceed in the words. Let that feeling sink deeply. What is your question? What is your expression of practice? When you sit on the cushion and get up from the cushion and go into your everyday life, what is your expression of practice?

[24:03]

So here's a quiz to test your understanding of your practice. Suppose you just finished your breakfast on a Sunday, and you go into the kitchen to wash your bowls. You see a pile of dirty dishes on the counter and a sign next to the dirty dishes that says, please wash your own dishes. Well, those of you who live here know what I mean. Those of you who don't live here can imagine a similar scenario in your life, at home or at work. On Sunday, here we don't have a scheduled dish crew to wash our dishes, so everybody is asked to wash their own dishes.

[25:35]

So which of the following statements is an expression of practice? A. I'm in a hurry, so I will ignore the sign and just leave the bowls there. B, remember what's the question? Which of these statements is an expression of practice? B, I wash my own bowls, but not the others because it's not my job. C, I wash my bowls and all the other dirty dishes and hope that other people are noticing me. D, I see that the dishes need to be washed, and so I just do it.

[26:35]

E, all of the above. So which of the statements at ABCDE, which of them are an expression of practice? E? E? E? No, E, I agree. E, okay, tell me a little bit what you're thinking. Why E? Well, E said it's an expression of practice, so whatever you're practicing, what does I give you as an expression of that? And how is it so that it's a practice? In what way it's a practice? Are all your actions a practice? If an action is just a repeated habit or a selfish habit, is it practice?

[27:50]

I don't know. I knew. Great. Susan, did you say E also? I actually think E is because of the way you express practice. Did you say good practice? Good practice. What about Mark? Right. I just always repeat what Susan said. All right, it's a trick question. Yeah, it's all of the above. If you notice, if you notice your habitual ways of your body, speech, and thinking, mind,

[28:52]

Then there is room there for practice. There is room there for growth, for expansion. There is more and more room in your mind, in your being, to grow. And there is nothing that is not an opportunity to practice if you keep the great matter in your heart and mind. So Master Dongshan practiced with several teachers when he was young. And he still had some doubts when he left his teacher, Master Yun Yan.

[29:54]

After he left Yun Yan, when he was passing a bridge, he saw his reflection in the water. And he had an awakening experience. He composed a poem that includes these lines. It's a longer poem. but I just took a few lines from it. Do not seek elsewhere, for that's far from the self. Now it is me, and now I'm not it. I'll say more about his stories and poems in a class that I'm going to offer him before.

[30:59]

That was a commercial break. So awakening is not outside of ourselves. But sometimes we need to see our own reflection. to understand who we really are. We see our reflection when we cross a bridge, or when we come into the kitchen, or when we have a difficult or enlightening encounter with our partner or teacher or friend. We see our reflection when a baby is born or when a loved one passes away. We see our own minds work when we interact with the world or within ourselves.

[32:09]

When Master Dongshan left his teacher, Master Yunyan, Yunyan said to him, after we part, it will be difficult to see each other again. Dongshan replied, it will be difficult not to see each other again. So, Monday, as I was standing outside Jordan's apartment upstairs at 340, Paige, waiting for the workers from the internment to take his body away, holding a bowl of rose petals in my hand, I heard his family and close friends talking or moving around inside the apartment.

[33:26]

Jordan's daughter-in-law is pregnant. Her grandchild is on the way. I heard baby Maya downstairs. She's gone to turn one. Friday, Friday, she's on turn one. Actually, she's not a baby anymore. Now, they were carrying Jordan's body out of the apartment. Flower petals scattered on the steps leading downstairs and outside the building, flower petals on his body, chanting, and God shows from everyone who were there.

[34:38]

The name of Kanzeon, Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, the Bodhisattva of Compassion was involved again and again to send him off. Kandzayam. Namu Buziyo Buziyinyo [...] Buziyiny after we part, it will be difficult to see each other again. it will be difficult to not see each other again.

[35:51]

Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[36:26]

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