This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. I was told that I was told that the first part of the talk would be for the children, but I guess you're all the children. So you get to do what I had planned for the kids. You can do it as a silent contemplation. So it's two questions, okay? Here's the first question. Think of a time when you were happy. See, can you conjure up the situation, the circumstances, the interaction, whatever details of that moment occur to you.

[01:15]

Okay? So you can have that for a moment. A time when you were happy. How does it appear in your mind's eye? maybe the feeling. Okay, and here's the second question. What makes you happy? See what your mind conjures up in response to that.

[02:19]

So let's try this. Maybe if you could just, we'll just do this for a minute, literally, in a random fashion. So you just speak when you want to. A word, a phrase of what makes you happy. And if you would dare to be so bold as to just say it, I lied so everyone can hear it. No. You get to define it. It's your version of happy. Coffee. Sorry? Coffee. Sunshine. Connection. Connection. Sorry? Just a second. Community. Community. Someone over here? Dance. Sorry? Dancing. Dancing. Dango. Gentle words. Relaxing. Did I endure someone to say sex?

[03:50]

The sound of an accordion. The sound of an accordion. My best friend's face. Laughing. I missed them, they came together. My dog. Being heard. Being heard. Togetherness. Playing? Singing. Someone say freedom? Freedom. Peace. Playful. Parnell Williams. Someone over here? Did I miss one? Children. Reunion. Swinging on a swing set. Hugs. Kiss.

[04:51]

Being present. Inspiration. Beach. I missed that one. Mountains. Post-exercise swimming. Post-exercise swimming. Okay. Okay, the kids' section is over. Who wants to go out into the art lines and draw pictures with crayons? Maybe I shouldn't offer that one. Okay. So, happiness. And a close cousin of happiness, metta, Pali Sanskrit term, roughly translated as loving-kindness.

[05:54]

You know, yesterday I went down to a Dharma center in Redwood City to do co-teach and all-day teaching on metta, loving-kindness. And as I was driving down there... I ran into the morning commute. Actually, I was part of the morning commute. As was many other cars. At a certain point, surprise, surprise, the traffic on 101 sort of slowed down. And we were driving along at about 5, 10 miles an hour. And I was watching people switch lanes into the lane I was in. out of the lane I was in. Anywhere but where I am, it's got to be faster. Get me there sooner. And I had decided, you know, I'm going to teach on metta, and like a good practitioner, I will practice metta on the way to teaching metta.

[07:09]

And... And as I was driving, I was thinking, am I going to get there on time? Usually takes about 30 minutes to get. I've been there many times. And I gave myself an hour. Be there at 9, leave at 8. But at 10 miles an hour, you don't get anywhere very fast. And the clocks... ticking away. And then suddenly I noticed I was in the midst, you know, when you're driving at five or ten miles an hour, you have time to do other things. I was concocting an email in my mind about a project that I'm working on with some other folks.

[08:15]

and I have certain dissatisfactions about how it's going. So I was concocting an email, and I was crafting the words. I know this sort of slipped into my mind, not so much that I said, okay, I am going to write an email. It was more like suddenly I was writing an email. And I caught myself sort of crafting the words. you know, how, as an equanimous, compassionate, wise Zen person, do you tell someone, you're kind of pissed at them. It requires very delicate and precise use of language. By the way, I noticed

[09:15]

And then I noticed that, and I sort of felt the collective urgency of myself and I don't know how many other hundreds of travelers trying to get somewhere because they had to be there, because they wanted to be there, because this was the trajectory of their life. This is what they had committed to doing and being. And how, in that way, our emotions tend to reach out. When I'm somewhat agitated, then the mind reaches out, okay, what else in my repertoire of experience could I associate with this state? Ah, that...

[10:18]

email. That project. Before we know it. And then somehow returning to the request of Magda, loving kindness. One of the marvelous things about children is that while they're totally committed to being who they are, they don't take themselves so seriously. Like I have the good fortune to have a grandson. And at his age, he's two. When he's really upset with something, you can play a trick on him. You can say, did you see this? What?

[11:20]

See how amazing this bouncy ball is? And his mind will shift. This demonstration that everything is just the construct of the moment. painful, disturbing, captivating, compelling, joyous, fearful, whatever the character of it is, it's still just the construct of the moment. And each one, each moment has its own vibrancy, its own aliveness, its own purposefulness, its own validity. And then we can get caught up in that and something becomes solid, permanent.

[12:23]

This is it. That way of thinking about that project and articulating it like that and communicating that to someone else can become very solid, almost have a sense of permanence. And how this interesting way, you know, in psychology they say, well, we have a repertoire of negative emotions that three times the repertoire for positive emotions. So, in solidifying the world, almost all of us, I would say, have a bias towards painting it with dark colors. And then it makes this practice of loving-kindness a very intriguing proposition.

[13:32]

Because it's not to say, well, you should deny who you are. No. Even if you're feeling pained, upset. You should determinedly insist on your own happiness. No. It's more that can we discover this kind of alchemy of our emotional lives. the emotions get stirred up for whatever reason. They take on whatever character, whatever intensity they take on, and then they perfume, they color. Sometimes they determine our version of reality of the moment.

[14:36]

And can that be itself? the suchness of what is, and just itself. Can it not be a definition of this is reality, this is the reality? No, this is the momentary expression. And then eventually, I got through the traffic, I arrived at the Dharma Center, Turned out, I did have a couple of minutes to spare. We all sat down. We meditated for about 20 minutes. And then I gave a talk on loving kindness. And we all lived happily ever after. For a few minutes. But as I sat in the car and loving kindness started to perfume that mental state, it added a kind of space.

[15:56]

Okay, there is this reality. I am sitting in four lanes of stall traffic, creeping along. as I noticed, and it was fairly subtle, my, I mean, I'm hesitant to call it distress, because, you know, my rational mind was saying, well, if I arrive at our light, my friend Gil is there, and he's more than capable of substituting for me doing the first piece. You know? So my rational mind had its own reassurance, but still something, some unsettledness, some reaching out into my own mental world and taking hold of some other object of thought that carries the same valence.

[17:06]

And then as I held it with Metta, as I reintroduced that, some kind of space. Okay. I remember once calling up, you know, when you call up your credit card or something and you get these decision trees, you know. For such and such, press one. And then you press one. For such and such, press one, two, three, or four. And then you press four. And then for such... Well, this one was notable to me was that at each point, a pleasant voice said, OK. Now, press one, two, three, four. OK. And in some ways, that OK, this is what's happening. OK, I'm stuck in the traffic. OK, these thoughts are coming to mind. OK, now I'm seeing it. Something like a wider context.

[18:12]

Here I am in the middle of my life. Here I am having these thoughts and feelings. There's a Zen statement by Yunman that alludes to it. He says, every day is a good day. Of course, we know every day is not a good day, in one sense, right? You get stuck in traffic, you have difficult interactions, you have disappointments, people do things that hurt you. We have losses, we have problems with our life, our health, everything, all sorts of things. But this Okay. Okay. Here's how it is. This willingness to be what is.

[19:21]

Okay. This is how it is. It's sometimes when we practice with metta, The poignancy of it is it will reveal our unwillingness. No, I don't want it. I don't like it. I can't handle it. Okay. You don't want it. You don't like it. You can't handle it. Okay. That's where you're at right now. Every day is a good day. Every state of mind, every state of emotion, every interaction, every circumstance is itself. Even just to get a glimpse of that proposition, even just to let it touch us just a little bit,

[20:36]

There's something both extraordinarily affirming in it. And then there's something almost intimidating in its commitment to just being part of what is. Okay, this is how my life is. This is what my life is right now. This is where I am. This is what I'm thinking and feeling. In the lore of Buddhist practice, what we might call the yoga of creating presence, there's different modalities to stimulate this. In one way, the modality of concentration, the modality of continuous awareness.

[21:44]

The attention, connection, absorption in now is energized. And in that energy, the vibrancy of the moment is felt, experienced. When we're absorbed in it, we become part of that energy. And this is one significant modality of practice. Another modality of practice, the practice of vow. Yes, I will. With deep resolve and intention, I will be present. whether driving my car, whether in saddled mind or unsaddled mind, whether meeting someone I like a great deal, or meeting someone I have some aversion to.

[22:54]

Either way, just being what is. This rudder to the ship that keeps us sailing into the moment, into now. within this proposition of metta. In a way, what we're talking about here is a skillful involvement in this stuff of being human. Like Daniel Goldman's emotional intelligence. Just as the skillful parent relates to the child in their distress.

[23:57]

Offering reassurance, offering maybe offering an alternative perspective. How can we offer that to ourselves? And how can we offer it to each other? And I wouldn't say necessarily, oh, first yourself and then others. Sometimes it's actually easier for us to offer to others. Sometimes we offer it to others and then it occurs to us, what would it be like if I offered that to myself? And then sometimes offering it to ourselves is almost like a prerequisite.

[25:06]

Until I can come to terms with I feel I can be skillful with my own sense of absence, my own sense of deficit, my own sense of agitation. I feel impoverished, like I have nothing to offer. But either way, young man's okay, that's how it is, okay. Here's a poem by Wendell Berry. I don't offer it as prescriptive. Okay, here's exactly how you practice with this. You know, I would say being skillful with the context of our emotional lives is more like a koan.

[26:13]

There is no simple fixed recipe. that really it requires, it asks of us, an attentive involvement. And in the attention, in the involvement, we discover what's appropriate. Anyway, here's Wendell Burries, I think a farmer in the South. and a wonderful writer and poet and a great advocate of taking care of the earth. The poem is called The Peace of Wild Things. When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's life might be. I go and I lie down with the wood drake

[27:17]

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things, who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of the still water, and I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world and I'm free. Maybe it sets the bar at a high level. I rest in the grace of the world. But to consider what makes me happy.

[28:26]

Not happy in that when I get what I want. Of course, that has its own pleasantness, its own sense of satisfaction. Maybe. with more, a deeper kind of happiness. When we rest in something. When something between the circumstances of the moment and the inner being of the moment find their connection, their harmony. both innate in our capacity of being.

[29:37]

And it's also, as I said, in the yoga of meditation, in the yoga of cultivating presence, it has its place. But I would also add to that, it says something of this caring attention to the stuff of human life. How we be the person we are. Mark suggested to me that I give a talk on come as you are. And I think not only come, but arrive. And the tender proposition of that.

[30:48]

How much our lives are involved in the swirling emotions of how much we care about being alive. And I would say, quite adamantly, we do ourselves a disservice if we think that practice of awareness, of mindfulness, is to somehow sterilize that human involvement. In some ways, if we're attempting to suppress it, or in the service of diligence, think we can purify it into utter serenity. that has a neutral affect. Those moments happen, but they're brief.

[31:52]

The moments of our life where it arises with the appearance of perfection are brief. Not to say they don't have some of the teachers, they do. But how much more practical it is if picking up young men's slogan, every day is a good day. What is it defined within our life? Moments of yes. Moments of okay. Sometimes I would offer young men's teaching, every day is a good day. as a paradox. The first part would be, how do you suffer? Second part is, every day is a good day. Seems like, well, aren't you just rebutting the human condition?

[32:58]

Aren't you diminishing or even criticizing someone's expression of suffering? And really it's saying, within that, within letting the moment be what it is, there is a path of liberation. Within that, letting the moment be what it is, there is a way to connect, to be, to nurture our own and everyone's existence. It has both a wisdom, a compassion, and a generosity. The generosity, maybe that comes up more in the exchange of our life with others.

[34:02]

Sometimes it's in reaching out, in noticing and caring for others' suffering. that this way in which the human experience can become calcified or insular. There's some entity, mysterious as it may be, called me, that needs to be preserved, protected, saved from harm, separate from other. all very understandable, but then in another way it does us a disservice. The world is not all about me. These cars are not on the freeway in a grand conspiracy to cause me pain. That driver didn't cut in front of me with the thought, I'm going to annoy you.

[35:10]

No. He cut in front of me I assume, with some urgent demand to get somewhere sooner. So in the reaching out, we do ourselves the service of reaching out beyond the intrigue of me. And we create us. us sitting on the freeway, crawling slowly when we all really want to fly. We have great matters to attend to. There is a purposefulness and an urgency to our lives. So okayness

[36:17]

connects us to the moment, to our emotional life, to each other. So when I read Wendell Berry's poem, I think how wonderful that he has found for himself this point of connecting. When all this becomes too much, this helps me to connect. And I would suggest to you the third question. First question would be, remember a moment of happiness. In a way, it's a myth.

[37:21]

It's how you've chosen to burnish some memory in your life. But it's also informative. You have chosen it. You have remembered it the way you have remembered it. You have, in remembering it the way you remember it, you say, these are the characteristics that are important. And then, what is happiness? How does it feel in your body? What kind of environment does it arise in? What sense of relatedness? What's the emotional demeanor of it? And then the third question, what helps you to connect in that way? Let me read Wendell Berry's poem again.

[38:25]

And maybe you can feel. Not so much conclude, okay, I better find some wood drake ducks to look at. Or at least some great parents. I think Wendell Berry is a tobacco farmer in Georgia, so... Maybe we should all be tobacco farmers in Georgia. Not to find within it a prescription. But more, I would suggest, to feel the feeling. Ah. So entering into this territory of just this is itself. That has a compassion, a wisdom, and a generosity. Entering into that Feels like this. When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound, when I wake in the night at the least sound, in fear of what my life or my children's life might be, I go and I lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water and the great heron feeds.

[39:50]

I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of the still water, and I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time, I rest in the grace of the world, and I'm free. So I'd leave you with the question. So your version of that, however it may be, wherever it may arise, what helps you to connect to it? And is there something in this way of being that you can

[40:55]

invite into your life? Can you invite it into your life that even in the moments of contraction or agitation, that it can offer support? Thank you. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[41:51]

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