This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Thank you for the invitation into this beautiful space. It's pretty crazy to have... a dharma teacher be the grand marshal of the parade. Who would have thought in the Buddhist time, you know, that that's where the arising would be. And it's also a crazy time in the world. It's really complicated. And so it's not just complicated, it's really confusing. So I have been sitting with the confusion and the disorientation and trying to figure out where my place, my actions, my intentions emerge from.

[01:14]

And so I come back to my primary support. So that's what I wanted to talk about today. And that is... In general, the Eightfold Path, but in particular, the path of Selah around ethical behavior, which I actually call integrity. And I like that word because the Latin root of it is about wholeness. It's about the integer, the one, the complexity of all the fragments coming together. to make the whole. And so I want to talk about integrity in three different areas, because our practice is really broad and expansive, and yet it also is incremental and step by step.

[02:15]

It's a beautiful paradox that we're invited into over and over again, to hold, you know, the broad with the specific, and how each of it informs each other. So I want to talk about the integrity of the person, this fathom-long vehicle that we've been given as a gift, as a precious gift in this life. The integrity of what we do with this vehicle, which is the path. That might be the classical trainings on Sila. And then the integrity with the world, with the greater expanse of life, that the life that is so much more than just this individual that's living, each of us. The integrity and wholeness of a person,

[03:18]

allowing, you know, this is the mindfulness practice, completely allowing yourselves to be in this present moment, whoever you are, wherever you've come from, whatever you're experiencing. The invitation is, can we be with it without pushing it away because we don't like it, without wanting more of something pleasant or successful? being able to come into a room and not leave any of ourselves behind, to be able to be fully present with who we are, and that allows the permission for everyone to do the same. And the reality around wholeness and this integrity of our fathom-long body is not so simple. There are so many external messages and conditions that tell us we're not good enough.

[04:27]

We don't look right. We don't dress right. We don't act right. We don't say the right things. We don't hang around the right people. And how do we come back to that question of who are we really? Are we any of those external messages? It's those external conditions that have created that sense of separation and exclusion. And what we do is we internalize those messages. Of course, that comes up in the self-judgment, the feelings of inadequacy, of being present. As opposed to fully being who we are, we second-guess and question our own existence. And it can lead to this self-judgment, even the self-hatred of aspects of who we are.

[05:32]

Even if we have a kindness towards aspects of ourselves, we have that kindness and openness to all of who we are, the 10,000 joys and the 10,000 sorrows. These are the internal glass ceilings we are invited to shatter that keep us from being who we really are. These, you know, they say wise, impeccable speech is one of the path of sila. The most important things that we say in the world are what we say to ourselves. What do we say to ourselves? Can we bring all the pieces of our lives? Because we all live multicultural lives. We all walk in different circles. Are we able to embrace all of those aspects without judgment, without needing who we are in kindness, that touch?

[06:42]

As a queer person of color, I felt those self-limiting patterns and internalizations a lot. But it doesn't even have to do with being queer. It doesn't even have to do with being a person of color. We all feel that. I remember when I was growing up and, you know, I grew up in a primarily lower-middle-class European-American white. suburb of Philadelphia because my parents during the Joseph McCarthy era could not get housing in Philadelphia, the city. So I was very isolated and kids take on the unconsciousness of the culture as well. And I had a really hard time. And I said to myself, I think before the age of 10, if it's this hard to be a person of color in the world, I am never going to be gay.

[07:51]

And you can hear in that vow, if we talk about vow, how many padlocks on the closet door got locked. This is the internalization that we're invited to. When we break through those progressive glass ceilings, there is a sense of freedom. And that's not to say those external messages won't come back like Orlando, like the collective trauma. But we begin to relate to it in a different way as well. not just individually, but we see the world responding in a different way to Orlando then, perhaps to New Orleans in 1973, just as a historical counterpoint.

[08:56]

Even in the Buddha's time, even the best, most perfect teachings weren't absorbed because conditions were different. for different people. And the Buddha had what was called skillful, perfect skillful means. And not everybody that came into contact with his teachings got fully awake. So the sense of belonging in this life, this creation of safety, is so important for our spiritual path. And it's one of the reasons why we have culturally safe and specific retreats for gender-specific, for women, for people of color, communities of color, for the LGBTQ community, for young people, for young adults, because it's so easy. And I've done this really recently, talking over a young person's experience, because I think I know better.

[10:12]

It's an awareness that I have to catch myself over. And unfortunately, sometimes it's hindsight. Who could we be? What could we do if we were never separated from that innate sense of goodness, that inner sense of who we are? This kind of self-esteem is not attachment. It is not an unwholesome manifestation of self. It is an appreciation of this life that allows us the possibility of awakening. The Buddha said that the birth in this human existence is so precious. It's more precious

[11:13]

The image is in this infinite ocean that has infinite depth. There's this huge giant tortoise that comes up once every century for a breath of air. And the chances of being born in this human life are the chances of this tortoise coming up to the surface. And there's a wooden ring floating in this immense vastness. And the chances of being born in this human life... are the chances of this tortoise coming up once every hundred years and poking his head through that brain. It's that rare. And as an ancillary statement, he didn't say that happy people are more precious than unhappy people. He didn't say that straight people are more precious than heteronormative films. He didn't say that... one gender expression is more precious than another gender expression.

[12:16]

He didn't even say less angry people are more precious than more angry people. He just said that all beings born on this human life are precious because we all have this capacity to have insight. and kindness, and compassion. And so therefore, this sense of wholeness is not dependent on external conditions. It is not dependent on whatever you hear in the world. Can we be in touch with that integrity? Because it allows us that relaxing into this path that is not so The instructions may, coming back to the breath, it may sound really simple, but it's not easy.

[13:18]

And as we align ourselves with this integrity to person, we begin to align with the path itself. The path begins to unfold. This alignment of intention, of being who we are, without needing it to be different. us to be different. Aligning our intention with our actions in the world. This is the connection with speech, action, and livelihood. Because we know that the path to freedom is not just about good intentions. It's not just about, I hope you don't suffer. What am I doing to create those conditions that we And this is actually not a piece of wisdom that I think is the monopoly of the Dharma. So in James 2, verse 17, it said, Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

[14:35]

That internal intention or faith, is not enough to create freedom in this world. It's our actions that have to manifest those intentions. And I really don't think it stops with actions either, because the whole path goes on to deeper wisdom, which means that there is this feedback loop, this learning curve, What do we learn from our actions? Do our intentions and aspirations need to shift? This is the work in progress that this precious human life manifests. The Buddha said, there is the case where a person of integrity is endowed with conviction. That's wise effort.

[15:40]

Conscience, that's ethical behavior. Concern, caring, loving kindness. He is learned with aroused persistence. That's concentration. Unmuddled mindfulness and wise discernment, wisdom. This is how a person of integrity is endowed with the qualities of integrity. So let's connect things in another way. That we start, the fact that we are in this room, the fact that we have a practice, there is some wisdom, there is some intention, incipient in our experience in this moment. That's the factors of Panya. Leading to the practice of Sila, ethics, non-harming.

[16:40]

speech, actions, and livelihood. And as we learn from those actions, we deepen the mindfulness and the concentration and the effort. So this spiritual journey, unlike what the mainstream media would like us to believe, is not just about mindfulness. Because we can be mindful of anything. the early reflections that was given to me was, if you've got an opportunity to cheat at something, even just a little, and you would get away with it, would you do it? So in the 60s and 70s, there were studies around, if people were aware of the consequences of their actions, they may not do

[17:44]

things that were harmful. But it's interesting how these studies change over time, because more recent studies on cheating indicate that if we don't feel so bad about the cheating, if we don't feel the consequences, we actually might enjoy it. We are actually conditioned by external circumstances. called the market economy, to get away with as much as we can offering as little as we can. That's the conditions of the market. So how are we in relationship to our practice with these external messages? Is that a representative of who we really are? Another example of this aspect of complexity around ethics is there's been research done in the behavior of lying, of speech.

[18:48]

And it said that when two people meet, within 10 minutes there are three lies. Maybe not so big, but that's pretty incredible, if that's the ambient cultural norm. So C.S. Lewis wrote, Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching. Integrity is doing the skillful thing, that which leads to freedom, when no one notices. It's doing the skillful thing when no one agrees with you. Integrity is doing the skillful thing even when it causes discomfort and pain. And integrity is doing the skillful thing when you don't have to do it because you have some benefit or privilege or entitlement. You do it anyway.

[19:50]

Because it's not so simple, this world. And it often just takes this another form of wise effort, which is courage. that groundedness in our heart to know who we really are in the midst of conditions that may be giving us different messages. Where does the heart move when it's connected to the person and the path? It's really to create less suffering in the world for all of us. It's like that campaign, it gets better. It's already gotten better for me from that little boy that would never be gay. I'm not so sure that I recognize that person now, today.

[20:55]

But the movement of the heart is to share that so that The next generation and future generations do not have to go through the same kind of suffering. We're all parental in that way. I don't want to be paternalistic. But we want to offer that for the next generation, whether it's our children or our descendants in our culture. And this is where integrity moves into our larger experience of the world. Because our spiritual practice is not about our personal freedom. It's not about our personal enlightenment. It is about our collective awakening together. The integrity of our practice invites us to expand beyond our individual selves.

[22:04]

to include greater and greater number of beings around us. This is the ripple. It's like the practice of loving kindness is, the image is of a stone dropping into a clear pool, and as soon as it touches the surface of the water, it begins to radiate in all directions. Our practice does that as well. Alice Walker, who is a, dear friend to many Dharma communities, has written, activism, this engagement in the world, activism is the rent I pay for living on this planet. There is a sense of wholeness. in our collective paths to freedom, even though we may sometimes feel that the struggle on certain issues is very specific, whether it's around gun control or intentional large-scale incarceration or access to health care or safety from violence, voting rights.

[23:31]

even the ability to conduct our bodily functions in private, it can seem as if it's for those communities. But as Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King wrote in this archetypical passage, we are tied together in the single garment of destiny, caught in an inescapable network of mutuality. And whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. For some strange reason, I cannot be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. And you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the way God's universe is made. This is the way it is structured. honoring another LGBT elder forebearer, Bayard Rustin, who was instrumental in the March on Washington, Dr. King's March on Washington in 1963.

[24:46]

He got posthumously, Obama gave him the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2013 because His unwavering activism in civil rights, dignity, and equality was for all communities. As an openly gay African-American man, Mr. Rustin stood at the intersection of several of the fights for equal rights. That's from the dedication of the Medal of Honor. This is the relational intersection and interconnection of identities that is indispensable in creating community. Because we don't have community without relationships. So we create culturally safe, specific spaces so that we can actually unite in the practice itself.

[25:56]

acknowledging that there is no space in this world that is 100% safe. Because there's the first noble truth. That is the reality. So what is it that is safe enough for each of us in this room? It's going to look different. But can we use our experience? of not feeling safe or feeling safe enough to create the larger landscape that we can gather. Safety is not an individual matter, even though it may be felt personally. So issues of physical limitations and disability are not just about accommodating those who are experiencing the limitations. It is an issue of consciousness for all of us.

[27:03]

The killing of trans folks, especially trans folks of color, is not a problem only for the trans communities. Just as homophobia and homophobic violence is not just something that the queer communities have to deal with. Sexism and violence to women do not just involve the experience of one gender. And anti-racism and multicultural work do not just involve communities of color. All of these issues involve all of us. As Dr. King writes, it requires a shift in consciousness from all of us. So some of you may have heard yesterday, that Janetta Johnson, Black Lives Matter, and the St. James Infirmary, who are honorees and grand marshals of the Pride Parade, have made decisions to withdraw from participating in the parade.

[28:16]

Because while certain portions of our larger community may feel safer with the additional with the decisions to include additional police presence, both uniformed and undercover, these communities that these honorees and marshals represent and are honored for will feel less safe and even at risk of harm. because of their historic experience, because of their empirical experience with the escalating policing that's going on in the world. How do we all hold this? How do we hold this? Not how do they hold this, but how do we hold this together?

[29:23]

This is our issue. Is it possible to hold a North Star of dismantling racism, white supremacy, police, militarization, within the conditions that our world is still racist? It's still oppressive. It's still escalating. How do we do that work? Because if it's not possible, if we fragment when the differences come in through the room, issues will never get resolved. Can we stand in solidarity even though we may be standing in different places? That begins a larger exploration of what integrity and wholeness really means in this infinite life.

[30:35]

Carl Jung talked about the collective unconscious. My understanding from one of my friends who is a Jung-Yi expert is that he didn't actually spend that much time talking about a collective consciousness. But if there is a collective unconscious, there has got to be the possibility of awakening from it. And that collective consciousness has another word for me. And that is... How do we civilize each other? How do we civilize this world together? That's what the lift is. How do we treat each other with that highest integrity of kindness and wisdom, compassion? Because as we continue to deepen, it doesn't just change our own lives. It changes our relationship. and it changes the world around us.

[31:41]

Each time we practice, we are transforming our world. Can we hold that responsibility? We have all been marginalized. We have all been injured. We have all been hurt because we've all experienced that first noble truth. Regardless of the background that we come from. And we don't have to label ourselves a certain gender or a certain orientation or a certain economic class or education. However, we've felt excluded in our lives. How do we live beyond that sense of marginalization?

[32:45]

By creating freedom for all people, even those who are marginalized in different ways than we have been. This is the expansion of a personal practice into the collective integrity of our humanity. Again, Dr. King, there comes a time when one must take a position that's neither safe nor politic nor popular, but they must take it because conscience tells them it is right. It is this conscious awareness collectively, this collective conscience that allows us to transform and heal the first noble truth of the world. So it allows us to create justice through just means. That is the only way, that's the theme of pride this year, racial and economic justice.

[33:55]

The only way to create that is through just means, through our ethical integrity. Because we know... don't even have to give you examples. We know that justice created through unjust means is not freedom. It's just recreating that cycle of samsara, that wheel of abuse. we are not the Buddha. But like the Buddha, we are born in this precious human life. And the Buddha said he would not teach that which we could not do. So this is possible in our lifetime.

[34:58]

Despite any of the deep pain in this world. We are tied together beyond that which we even can comprehend or understand. So one of the stories that took me a while to absorb about Orlando with its both culturally specific trauma and the larger trauma involved, And with the 53 individuals that were injured and there was this call for blood and to heal, physically heal. And it is a very tender issue for queer communities because even today, the antiquated laws of this land prohibit gay men

[36:08]

or men who have active sex with other men from donating blood to their own community. And I felt my heart just break. Until that broken heart realized that the transfusion, the blood donations were coming in at a record rate. Where was the blood coming from? Blood has the same root as the word blessing in our language. It is the life force. So physically, this life force was coming into a deeply traumatized community from all communities. Heterosexual men, women, every single race.

[37:09]

every single age. We are tied together beyond that which we know. But can we feel that? And that's the introduction of my invitation to the parade tomorrow. Because If all communities can participate in being present for the sorrow of this trauma, you deserve to be present for the joy. It's not just for queer communities, that celebration. It is for all of us. The Buddha's design of the social order, the Sangha, 2600 years ago, recognized that on a really profound level, the root cause of social injustice and equality is not the disparities of culture or economics.

[38:41]

but of ethical integrity. Only in an ethically wholesome society can healthy systems of social, economic, and political justice occur. This is where the ethical transformation begins. In rooms like this, in rooms like this, that are so desperately needed in this world. So let's just connect the dots in reverse. The integrity in the world, treating the most difficult, complex, even with the parade, those complex issues with our ethical intention, creating justice through just means. the integrity of the path, aligning our actions with our aspirations and intentions.

[39:50]

How do we live beyond our small selves? Because we learn from that sense of self, that integrity of person, being authentic to who we are, and that authenticity is what we would like to allow for everyone. It's all one practice. It's all one practice that's already been involved. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[40:53]

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