Welcome to the Wednesday Night Dharma Talk at the San Francisco Zen Center. This is a continuing our ongoing series of our eight-week winter practice period. The theme of the practice period is taking refuge and creating refuge. And it's been practice periods being co-led by senior Dharma teachers Christina Lenhair and Paul Haller. Tonight's Dharma talk will be given by Christina. So I will offer the opening verse. And then we will begin. An unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect Dharma. is rarely met with even in a hundred thousand million kalpas, having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept.

[01:10]

I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. Welcome. As the Eno has just shared by Brian, that we are three and a half weeks into our eight week practice period. And we have Engaged in finding or identifying already existing. It's a little less bright.

[02:19]

Already existing or refugees that we have in our lives already. Or creating new ones. that we deepen our engagement with. And as Paul once mentioned, it's a practice of awareness. So the practice of refuge is also a practice of awareness. And it is also a practice of embodiment. Because to Engage in a refuge, it takes a shape, it takes a form. And that is an embodiment. And Shohaku Okumura, who wrote the beautiful book, Living by Rao, speaks about taking refuge in the Buddha as taking refuge in the great way.

[03:29]

So this morning we had the full moon ceremony. where we also take refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. So in their translation in the Minnesota Zen Center, they call it taking refuge in the great way, immersing body and mind. And that he says, we have to understand the great way with our body. Carry it out. embody it in our daily lives. And he derives that from the translation of the Japanese words, which mean body. And we say immersing body and mind deeply in the way, awakening true mind in our translation. So I think it's very important.

[04:29]

understand that actually we wake up with our body. We take refuge with our body. We are in this existence. We live this life through this body, for this life expresses itself through the body that has been given to us. It's always there. It's always part of our thinking, our feeling, our doing. Our life is never somewhere else than where our bodies are. So by engaging in this practice period, we also engage our bodies in the forms we've chosen to practice and explore.

[05:35]

When we put attention and energy into something, we will always get something in return, receive something back. It is always a giving and receiving. There is no... Nothing that's not reciprocal. We will always learn something when we are present for what we're doing. We'll get information back. We'll get energy back. We get a smile back. We get a frown back. when we stress our bodies too much because we put in too much effort, it will tell us with pain that it's too much.

[06:40]

This morning I stopped my little toe on the corner of the floor tongue, and I'm not quite sure whether I broke a little bone in there or not. I hope not, but it told me immediately that I stopped it. And it keeps reminding me to take care of it. So there is always information going both ways. And our actions produce answers. In whichever way we do, we get answers. So the more we are present, the more we actually understand the responses we're getting. And taking refuge and creating refuge are inseparable in that way.

[07:41]

Because refuge gets created by taking it. There's no refuge just floating by itself. without being engaged as a refuge. And it's also an act of appreciation of our everyday and everyone's life, our own and everyone's life. John Didylori, he has passed, he's diseased. He was the abbot and founder of Sen Mountain Center, was a Dharma heir of Maezumi Roshi. He says that taking refuge in Buddha means also celebrating and appreciating our life.

[08:45]

And so today I would like to talk a little bit about practice of appreciation as a refuge, as a possible refuge. And I would like to start with appreciation of all the forms that Zen practice offers us. All these little things to remember how to place, where to place things on the altar. How to enter the Zendo. How to move in the meditation hall. Putting our hands together. Bowing to our seat and away or to the altar. Bowing to all of you. For example, this gesture is an invitation to come, bring everything of ourselves, all the feelings, all the thoughts, and our body into this moment right now.

[10:05]

Unify ourselves. Center ourselves. An invitation to be present for just this gesture, just this moment. Whether it's just a bow like this or whether it's a full prostration all the way down to the floor, it's always an invitation to step with which foot to step in, with which foot to step out. It's an invitation to be present. And we can become very habituated to this. And I just today also had an interesting experience. officiating priest at the noon service. And we chanted the loving kindness meditation, which I know by heart. And I was standing there chanting it. And suddenly realizing that I had absolutely not been present with the chanting, but my mind was busy with something completely different.

[11:18]

while I was loud chanting all the right words. And so I looked maybe very present from outside, but I was not there. So I missed the bows that come at the particular moment. And I was very happy that there was not a very new bell ringer drawn there, because that would have been really terrible. They would not have known necessarily what to do. or why there were not the vows happening when they're supposed to happen. So that was lucky. So there are invitations which we can pick up or we can get so habituated that we can do these things so automatically that we can be somewhere else in our head. But they are meant as invitations. They are also incredible mirrors because they mirror back to us in what state we are.

[12:27]

So, for example, full frustrations, going all the way down to the floor, touching the floor with the forehead, lifting your hands and standing back up, tells us every morning in what state our body is. And can we adapt to that? Can we be kind to that? Can we just move in harmony with the body that we have in that morning? Sometimes it's a little more stiff or less stiff, so it mirrors it back. Sometimes we maybe love the forms, and sometimes we just don't like it. We get married then. And can we keep engaging them? Can we just moment by moment be present as much as we can for wherever it is that we meet outside and from inside?

[13:38]

Then I would also like to, for you to, see if I can have a different view. Yes, here we go. Now I'm not speaking to myself, which was so not very nice. Well, I'll suddenly see all of you, and that is just wonderful. That changes everything. Thank you very much for being here. So, you know, the being appreciative of what has allowed you to be here, all of us, to share this moment together. There are so many innumerable things coming together to make this possible. That we have the technology, that you have a place, that you have a computer or a phone,

[14:47]

That you have the time. That is in some ways a miracle that this is possible. And usually we just do not think so much about that. And maybe don't really deeply appreciate it. And just a little while ago we had dinner. So thinking about. where the food comes from, all the labor that has gone into planting it, growing it, harvesting it, bringing it to the stores, bringing it to the temple, preparing it, cooking it. And then we sit down and can eat. So. and all the people and all the lives that are involved with that.

[15:49]

So the practice of appreciation to engage that is also on some level a practice of surrender to the reality that We only exist because we are completely supported by innumerable things. You know, Reb Anderson used to say, you can't even lift one finger all by yourself. It's not possible. And so we can say the practice of refuge is also a practice of surrender, of surrendering all distraction to this moment.

[16:59]

Surrendering to the fact that your coworker smiles at you this morning and maybe frowns at you the next morning. And just keep this kindness, being present with that and surrendering to that without quibbling about it. You might ask your coworker whether their frown had something to do with you or whether they just had a very terrible morning at some point. Can you keep your composure as you meet what's presenting itself to you? And be appreciative of it. I like the word appreciation because maybe that's because English is not my prime person language.

[18:07]

But if I think of gratitude, I have a feeling. I have to have a feeling with it. It kind of connects to a feeling state with gratitude. Appreciation can be, I can appreciate the difficulty. I can appreciate something beautiful. I can appreciate a happy feeling. It's harder for me to use the word gratitude for that, but maybe that's just for me like that. But that... appreciation for life itself is just something we often forget and take for granted unless something really absolutely fabulous happens. Then maybe we say, oh, that's wonderful. Thank you very much. Maybe we could all take a little moment and just feel through this day.

[19:38]

I don't know if for somebody it's already in the middle of the night or early in the morning, but just feel through the last 24 hours backwards and just see what arises when you think of appreciation. What happened in those 24 hours that when you look through the lens of appreciation just shows up? What shows up? appreciation in your body, appreciate of your body. Does anything show up there?

[20:42]

The body without which you wouldn't be here at this moment. Does anything show up when you look through the lens of your work today, whatever that was? Does anything show up you look through the lens of encounters with people, Does anything present itself when you look through the lens of weather?

[22:13]

is anything throw up when you look to the lens for your life your aliveness So if this is interesting to you or engaging to you or resonating with you, you could think about having a practice of appreciation and installing that as a refuge, practice of refuge by saying thank you in the morning to whatever it is you would like to say thank you out loud.

[24:04]

that you slept well, or that your bed was warm, or that you had a roof over your head, or that you're still breathing and waking up, or whatever it is, that you're going to have a coffee soon, or whatever it might be, or that your cat, your dog greets you. that your beloved is beside you or your children are here, whatever it is in the morning, just say thank you out loud. And the same thing when you go to bed in the evening. Paul suggested in the evening to soften your body before you fall asleep, to soften your breath. And you can add either before maybe, You can say thank you for a smile you received from the cash person at the cash register in the store or a gesture you did that you greeted and looked really at the homeless person and said morning rather than looking away because we don't know what to do.

[25:31]

Sometimes we tend to rather turn then turn to or turn away, which is not an act of surrender. It's an act of, in some ways, it's an act of collapse, which is the opposite of surrender. Just anything that let you feel your aliveness and your interconnectedness. Say thank you out loud for that before you go to sleep. Before you soften a little more your body and your breath and fall asleep. So on that note, I would like to stop talking. And if you have questions, we have a little time. You're welcome. Ask them or comments.

[26:34]

Somebody did send me in the chat a comment. I'm going to look. Somebody writes, often it's death that wakes us up to the preciousness of life and shakes us out of our dream. Yes, thank you. also very easily just sit a little bit silent in appreciation of each other's presence. Looks like we get to go to bed a little earlier tonight.

[28:50]

Which is also very nice and appreciated. Thank you very much for visiting together. Thank you very much, Kristina. I will now offer the closing verse. And while I'm doing that, anyone is able to raise your Zoom hand if you do feel an interaction bubbling up. And if not, then we will say goodnight. They are intentional. equally extend to every being and place. With the true merit of Buddha's way, beings are numberless.

[29:58]

I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. And I see Brent has raised his virtual hand. a mistake. Thank you, Christina. You're welcome. Good night. Thank you, Christina. Good night.

[30:59]

Thank you, Christina. Thank you so much. Thank you. Good night. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, Christina. Good night, everyone. Good night, everyone. Take care. Thank you. You too. It's cute to see all the things disappearing slowly. Good night. It is. Thank you, Christina. Do you need stuff to, I have some bandage wraps if you need to wrap your foot or buddy tape your toe. I take it a little bit, so it's fine. Thank you very much, Ricky. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Join the club. I can walk and I can bow.

[32:02]

I know. Do you want a boot? Then you can be like Amy. Hopefully I don't need one. Bye.

[32:12]

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