December 7th, 1999, Serial No. 03951

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be
if you were listening
do are chanting test now
he may have heard us
coming together as one

there ah we think so or not
sitting together like this
i'll ask few days
brings us together

nice

so how are we doing
does it matter

some of us
i
still
being lived by
our old habitual karma

and that's ok

hmm
that's a matter of fact that's what my talk is about so

hmm
it really is okay if we we are not be no being lived
by our old habitual karma but some of us are a little bit more lived by it right now than others and that is okay

and some of us are
little less involved with that and how little bit more present and that's ok

i feel like hang my hat
i feel like i'm in a duet
a
me and them and have eliminated

has listening to the radio the other day
sometime in the past and then there's some wonderful things happening and music right now in chat
ha
monte
kucoin
ah but i won't get what i wanna say is that
we've put in a lot of effort these past few days so please there's a tendency now to kind of slack off a little bit
just be careful don't do that and
if
you are
ah but just getting a little bit tired of the event team it's not new anymore you kind of know what's going on in your own mind and
one little bit distraction
or not
there's a tendency at this stage to loosen up a little bit but be careful
i'm talking now as my turn
was a yellow truck
new i am
it's gonna be a strange talk
was i say
oh thank you don't
the
be careful because we've built in a certain momentum i hate to talk this way bed
we built a certain momentum of mindfulness no matter what your state of mind it doesn't matter he has still been building this kind of mindfulness and now's the time to is it's too kind of solidified foundation
see if you can develop continue this continuity now don't look around this endo don't break your silence keep capers much into yourself as you can
and try to develop this continuity have been gathering the mind gathering the mind it's getting gathered whether he think so or not it's getting gather so now you want to settle and have them continually develop some continuity
hip as if it's too easy for you and for some people are having a okay time it's too easy pick something make it a little bit more difficult so that you have to be present
do you are a-okay with the opposite hand or
you know brush your teeth the opposite hand or make give yourself a practice do the forms more meticulously pay much more attention to to the formed it it's all there to bring you present
so wanted to say first

so i guess for the next to a little bit of time i'm going to tell you the same thing put in a different way

huh
the roe said and walden pond
no he didn't say it in wogan five
he said it well he was an old and planned
he said
i was interrupted from my rating by the sound of a train i looked up and saw a carload of torn sales and i could read the sales as though it was written in a book their history
of the storms they had weathered and been torn through
so for a few days now we've been looking at this apparent self watching and studying gathering information about our history
ah
all the storms the worms the stories
written for us to say
on our very own
familiar
the somewhat beaten up sales
that have actually helped us whether the storms of our life to this point it's all written
there
in that sale in a cloth
some parts are strong and we should acknowledge it
some parts are awake
have we should acknowledge that too
hum parts are torn through
some parts are sewn together
some parts are fresh and clean
and we don't know where it's taking us

but we must study it thoroughly
and when i say study it i don't mean analyzing it i mean simply watching
that's how we stay
in order to do that we have to be awake present

and a little bit it helps to be a little bit tender
because the closer we get to the thoughts that we actually truly identified with as me closer we get there
the more
careful we have to be
so the other day on wednesday i wanted to tell you a story about ninety way and polishing the tile and i wanted to wait until says she saw i'm going to turn

nunu a was a disciple of our six ancestor
his name was daikon a know in chinese
and it was said that he was a big
the image anyways of an ox big strong man and he had two great disciples they saying
and each one was a horn of the acts
and one of them was say again we recite his name every morning
soto person
and the other one was nine ua mins i lineage
so anyway
di can't a nine you way much so
matsu as a disciple of nine us also a great great master
i never met him myself but who knows and and past like me
this is the story
so
matsu is sitting thousand and nine i came by and said to him and they have to read it exactly he said what is your intention in doings as in
and much said
he made know this hurry
he said
my intention and sitting zazen is to become a buddha
and non-eu i walked over and picked up a tile
who may have been that they were redoing the dining room
and their monastery and they were tiles laying around said picked one up
and he started polishing it
in his disciple
said
excuse me master teacher
what are you doing
and non-eu a said
thread
i am polishing a tile to make a mirror
the mirror being buddha or enlightenment or awakened mind and so
might he said of course
how can you make a buddha
i mean how can you make a mirror from polishing a tile and then non-eu a said well how can you make a buddha from sitting zazen
this is a dangerous story to tell you of
a it just occurred to me
maybe we should stop now

anyway
the story usually is interpreted that matsu is attached to form and that he really didn't understand emptiness he didn't really he was so goal oriented and attached to sittings us and that he was missing
the point and say usual way of reading the story
but dough again and has a different way of presenting it

in front of the story dog and right now when he kept his right
he writes these characters intimately receiving the mind seal
and what it does with the first question is instead of making it a question
like what are you doing
sitting zazen
or what is your intention sitting zazen he turns it over to say
let me get this renting
i can't find him but what he says is
is your intent are you intending what
are you intending what

so by saying it that way dogan is actually saying that all the activity size and included is already a mirror or is already buddha
you've heard this before

so sitting size and we're not sitting zazen to have a better state of mind or to be free or to become a buddha or to even clarify the mind
because as it is already
what
not this way
this why

we're all already doing this formless empty thing
but we don't quite believe it we don't believe it's enough so when we sit with just watching to see what is it that arising that has as touting
this
no matter what the state of mind is
it still this formless empty
changing live hang mysterious
what

everything is transmitting this what
always all the time
the trucks passing the trays
johnson working in the kitchen cleaning the bathroom doing are a-okay practicing i show
it's all what already
it's all being transmitted all the time already
kenway hear it
can we see it
we can't see emptiness don't bother don't bother looking
we see form
that's all we can see
we save form that is the manifestation of emptiness

did he that

the ideas we have the emotions we have are all the manifestation of this formless emptied changing dependently co risen life that we are all the time
the very concepts that are actually in some way so you know preventing us from seeing from accepting from resting in this life that is our birthright
our themselves completely empty
pay change all the time have you not noticed
have you been able to hold on to anything so far his last few days
maybe if you're really stubborn

you know it and it's okay for those of us who are really stubborn because it's it's okay to have a practice that is slowly developed and not you know she usually dynamic right away he said perfectly okay

so our choice is
i think our only choice is how we relate to

sasaki roshi said and ten my beginner's mind he said all we need is to have a real belief a real faith have you believe he should i think in the original emptiness of our mind
and what's left
i asked this to somebody the other day i want i didn't and i'm not good enough yet to ask the right questions to get the answer that i or am hiding
it's not a good way to do it for a fresh it
for a hit for anyone with know the story
i was asking this question and so i said what what's what is left in all of your experience and the nice states of mind in the unpleasant states of mind in the tiredness in the you know stability or whatever you're going through what is the constant there
well one of the constance is is that were alive but what is that aliveness
that aliveness is awareness
so it doesn't matter again what kind of state of mind it is it matters that were aware of it
i think i say this over and over again

so the point is not to stick anywhere
to have a mind an empty mine that's not holding to something in it in it to have a mind it doesn't dwell anywhere
so ours as and his form of course we are sitting there in a body
and
the form is empty form and if we hold to the empty
nurse
there's no such thing as m date ness
it's just an empty form so if we make empty into a thing and emptiness were holding to something again when making it into a form
so you have to give up

this sir
this form this life
if a gift

and even if we don't know what it is or where we're going

we have to
because we are alive we have to find some way to stand up here in the middle of it
we have to it's difficult it's not easy to have some integrity
when this gift that we'd been given
we have in a way too many choices
it's ironic because everything changes we have his choices
and these choices make it
difficult for us
anyway so we said
where can i can come in china said when saying life like if a person has to sit down for a minute
so we sit down we did a it at in who desires and with everything
together we deserve decided
we sell the mind
we give up
we settle the mind
and we watch the passing show

in doing that way manifest emptiness
it's that close
the way or just intimate
with the activity of living and doing that
when manifest in tennis
we manifest strangely enough
awakened mind
it's already there all we have to do is
wake up
be there for
therefore
doing what is always practice
and practice or life he is doing what all the time anyway

so
in a way we have to let go of sadness
or joy
but
maybe not letting go maybe letting goes even too much
all we have to do is watch
that's all
oh we have to do is be aware
how is
talking with a friend the other day and i was a little bit upset i was hurt actually
and out of that hurt i was angry
and i was really hurt so i was really angry
and i was listening to myself while i was being angry this friend knows me so hum i felt like it was okay to be angry they wouldn't be hurt by it i wasn't angry and them anyway but silly was lot of energy there and i was thinking to myself
you know okay let go
but then i thought to myself i'm not ready
i'm not ready to let go yeah i wasn't hurting anybody then
so i had to admit to myself i'm not ready i wasn't ready
but still if you're aware of that it's different
there's just a little bit little bit separation so if it were really necessary at that moment to let go of it if the my friend actually had said you know this is really too much you have to stop it you're really hurting somebody or you don't hurt anybody he'd probably he probably breathe breathe breathe
re grade k k content
and be able to let it go
so it just takes this awareness as little bit is just a just a crack
letting go of here doubt or of your whatever it is but here whatever it is just a crack and let the awareness that has already there flower

when we finally really give up and let go and we do this all the time you just have to notice it it's really a relief you can change your legs if you need to i'm almost done
it's really a relief it's always a relief to let go always were just afraid we just don't know how exactly sometimes we don't know who will be if we let go of the ideas of who we think we are
but as an is this opportunity it's kind of safe
anyway the questions come up
who am i
who are you
what are you doing
what is happening now
just present president present
access to these questions all the time
and we respond by our behavior as form
so even though this form is empty still way polish her behavior
we polish
to make a mirror even though we're already a mirror

we polish to make our behavior concurrent
with our faith that we are already empty
and that from our heart we vow to live well with all beings
deeply

so he said
san
as what
and let it stop there

and settle
settle in the midst of whatever is happening in the mind in form or whatever
saddle
into a stillness
into a silent in the middle of the form
touch this silent place
it's not far away