This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning, everyone, and welcome to San Francisco Zen Center's Buddha Hall and Zendo. As Kodo said, my name is Kyoshin Wendy Lewis, and this morning I decided I would follow up a little bit on a talk I gave in August on diversity, particularly at Zen Center, and some questions I had about that. This year there's been such... Well, you all know it's been an extraordinary year for all of us.

[01:03]

And one of the things that has come up are issues of social injustice and the violence around it and death. And I think that it has brought these issues more into our consciousness as a holder of of Buddhist understanding and Zen practice. And on our website, we have a page called DEIA, which is Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Accessibility. And the page has been pretty quiet for a few years, but due to these issues coming up, more attention is kind of being given to making that page more... what you call informative, and you have more vitality. So I happen actually to have gotten a little bit involved in that.

[02:04]

I don't know how much involvement I'll have, but I have had some. And I think, you know, we hold these things, and we hold them with this kind of, well, all different ways. But for me, it's hope. and confidence, and a kind of sadness. And they're all kind of mixed together. So I think that's all going to come across in what I will say today. Just before the talk, of course, I was putting on my robes, and I was thinking, oh, how familiar this is. My body just does it, you know, the tying and the folding and the wrapping and everything. And there was something very reassuring about that. Also, yesterday, I took a very long walk in the rain. And it was very refreshing and beautiful.

[03:05]

And hardly anyone was out because it was Christmas and because it was raining. And so the quietness of the city and just walking has that kind of soothing quality to it. That is where I sort of feel I am right now. And it's the end of the year, our last City Center Dharma talk. And we're reviewing the previous year, the pandemic, how that's impacted us. It has been almost a year since we've been, our lives have been circumscribed by it. And there's the fear and almost nothing else to talk about because of, It's always on the news and in our own concerns and concerns for our friends and families and that sort of thing. But at the same time, you know, how did we get here? And this is a time, you know, end of the year where it just kind of marks a moment where we reflect about our past, what might come.

[04:18]

all the things that have arisen for us over the last year. So in the area of DIA, I've kind of taken it on a little bit, which is a mix today. And I just want to say, you know, that any comments or critiques that I offer... about Zen Center or processes or structure or policies are coming from inside. I'm not outside pointing at Zen Center. I'm in the midst of it. And so I'm affected by it. I care. And I've decided I should say some things. So I think that... I also have great confidence in Zen Center's commitment to compassion and the Bodhisattva way.

[05:21]

And yet, giving this talk, I feel apprehensive, you know, sort of based on how questions in this area have been responded to and how I've been responded to when I brought some of these issues up. I wonder, am I going to compromise my friendships or unintentionally hurt people? And am I being foolish in the way I will speak about these things? So this is just part of these issues. That's what I find so interesting is within these areas of diversity and equity and inclusion and accessibility, all these other things come up. So how do we accommodate that and face it or continue or offer our view or our sense of things? After the previous talk I gave, which was on diversity, a few people thanked me and a few people told me that they were frightened to bring these issues up themselves, that it would compromise their

[06:38]

the Zen Center, to question these things. And I think this is not exactly an empty concern, and it's one that I have, and I think others have. So what is that about? Like, why would we be afraid? And what response have we've gotten in the past, and will we get in the future? Anyone, from any perspective. about these issues or anything else. Over the recent practice period, I taught a class on the 10 Oxford in Pictures. And this is a teaching of the Zen spiritual path. So I've been thinking about how a spiritual path informs the path of a spiritual institution. So what are... How do... How does a person on the spiritual path develop? And how does a spiritual institution develop?

[07:40]

And in this text, the 10 ox-herding pictures, the ox symbolizes the mind, which needs training. And it also symbolizes Buddha nature. It begins with a search and ends with integration. And all 10 pictures and all 10 steps. are always active at the same time. So the instruction in Buddhism, you know, is to examine how the functioning of the mind can be cultivated to the point of ease that's not dependent on circumstances. And this is not about, you know, developing passivity or everything is fine all the time. You know this. It's a matter of purposeful renunciation and clarity, including our moral choices. So Buddha nature is a very inspiring concept, and it arises from hope and effort, and it's been equated with the original face and with Tathagata Garpa, which is the seed of Buddhas.

[08:59]

So... Two main elements of spiritual path are faith and morality. And the word for faith, Shraddha, etymologically implies the necessity of engaging the heart, you know, the center of our life and our emotions and gets mixed with our thoughts and our concerns and everything else. And also... Our heart is where our courage, you know, that core and willingness comes from to follow a path that leads to transformation. I think, you know, in a sort of practical way, if these issues of diversity and equity and inclusion and accessibility could be monetized, then they would... into our lives much more easily.

[10:02]

And what I mean by that is there's, you know, as there were more and more efforts towards non-discrimination, there were government agencies that would offer both incentives and funds to institutions and corporations for not incorporating non-discrimination in their hirings, their admission, and personnel policies. And it made a huge difference. So, you know, what is this practical way, too, to think about these things? So one of the issues that comes into equity, of course, is race and class, you know, and all these other things. Gender and age.

[11:03]

Think of how people say, oh, you know, it's the next generation will take care of this. You know, the next generation will know what to do or I'm passing this on. And that in both positive and other ways, you know, there is a rising of energy and enthusiasm. So, but at Zen Center, among former employees, there were former employees of color. One person left and two people were asked to leave. And one was a colleague of mine who had worked for Zen Center for several years. So in our department, there have been a number of different supervisors and Interestingly enough, none of them have actually done the work. So each time a new supervisor would come, there would be this period of trying to negotiate some sort of understanding of what the work entailed and required.

[12:16]

So during one of these transitions, I realized that things were not going so well for this person. And I was concerned about that. And I spoke to their supervisor and to their supervisor's supervisor, and including my concern, you know, about issues of racism, because this was a person of color. And it was very distressing, you know, being caught in the middle of it. Like, who am I? What am I questioning? What's the full story? This person has been here for so many years. What could they have done? And I actually enjoyed my relationship with this colleague. I learned a lot from her. She was very experienced and had a lot of skills. And we collaborated on processes and ideas about how to do things. I didn't ever hear back from the people who I'd spoken to about my concerns.

[13:22]

And then she was just gone one day. And no one had told me that she was leaving. And so, you know, again, there might have been more to the story, but I just wondered, you know, what happened and who was going to do what she did, which... It had a huge impact on my relationship with her and with my own job, you know, our sharing these things and having these processes in common about how we work with things. So, you know, my life at Scent Center is so wonderful. And it has extraordinary aspects of, you know, practice and study and friendship and community. And my... you know, my gratitude and my joy in that can't be replaced. And yet my experience of equity at Zen Center has been mixed.

[14:25]

And I think that's true for other people as well. And the whys of it are somewhat mysterious, but still, you know, it's part of our experience. So from my own perspective, in the last recent years, I have been informed twice that someone who had been chosen for a position for which I was qualified and they were not. And this is no judgment or anything, but I just thought, okay, what is this about? Is there something wrong with me? And these questions come up because you think, well, what is happening? The position is fairly, you know, has a lot of responsibility and requires a fair amount of experience and not just teaching but also mentoring others so that they can learn how to teach.

[15:28]

And the people chosen, of course, are wonderful people. I appreciate and enjoy them very much. And when I questioned the decision, though, I was basically treated fairly dismissively. So, okay, what is this about? Is there an explanation? I don't know. But as part of the conversation, the more recent conversation about this, I was asked... a few times during that conference, say, well, what do you want to do next? What do you want to do next? And I finally just burst out laughing because I said, well, actually, all the things I want to do are what that person would do. So that was, to me, kind of funny. But one of the things that I said was most important was I felt like a need for...

[16:33]

these DEIA issues to be addressed. And so that is partly why I've taken it up and I'm talking about these things. And even, you know, risking my community and practice life in offering my commentary, as you might say. There was a study I read about by some psychologists about trust. And in it, the researchers asked half of the group to sign a code of conduct requiring that they act responsibly, and half were just instructed to be unselfish. What happened is that the people who had signed the code of conduct ended up being more trustworthy. And this is something that just seems sort of intuitive to me. you know, to have these statements and policies that people have agreed to.

[17:39]

And then they act as a mirror or a compass and a measure, you know, of our trustworthiness and commitment. So the first of the 10 ox-herding pictures is called Searching for the Ox. There's a vow or commitment that goes with beginning spiritual path. And this acknowledges accompaniment with others who have taken it before and who will take it in the future, who are doing that now, and also spiritual solitude. So these things are always kind of weighing with each other and kind of conversing with each other. In his commentary on this teaching, Yamada Muman says, The real self, the true self, is not found in this world of discrimination. In that place that transcends discrimination, there is true human equality.

[18:42]

So picture two is called seeing the traces. And what these traces, this means, is studying sutras and the teachings of the Buddha and Buddha. those who came before him and after him. So that's only the second step we're supposed to start studying. And study is necessary for humility. Yamada says, otherwise one can get swell-headed because you've passed some koans or even had satori and received permission to teach. And he says, becoming a Zen devil. He, that's his term, and I think it's also a Zen term, possibly in Rinzai Zen, that his tradition is. But it's someone who teaches without knowing the sutras or commentaries.

[19:44]

So rather, he says that through knowing these teachings, and I think it's really significant that many Buddhist teachers, and particularly Buddhist teachers of color emphasize mindfulness. And this is like one of the basic Buddhist teachings. And how that is transformative. What are these sutras for? Are they telling you what to do? Or are they teaching you? Asking something of you. And Yamada says, through these traces left by the sutras and the teachers, you catch sight of the hoof prints. the footprint, sorry, of the ox called the heart-mind. So isn't that interesting? It's called the heart-mind. In his introduction to teachings on the Lotus Sutra, Suzuki Roshi said, when we read Buddhist scriptures, it is necessary for us to know on what kind of historical stage they were told.

[20:52]

We should know with what feeling, in what kind of attitude the scripture was told, or else we will not understand what it is. So these sutras and these teachings and interpretations are providing suggestions of the path and its components. And they're not easy to grasp. And at the same time, there are hints in the search itself, in the traces itself. And frustration, you know, and struggle to understand are part of this path. And what happens sometimes is there's a kind of abuse of power in sort of forcing frustration and struggle. And this is, you know, true for many Zen traditions, particularly Zen.

[21:56]

You know, we found it in some of the Americans and traditions. And when you consider, you know, issues, DEIA issues and concerns and the topic of equity, you know, this means that some people are empowered through their connections with those empowered. It's like this thing, this tangled, tangled thing. And I read an article. I, you know, I do study a lot. I can't help it. There's something, you know, what I find is interesting about that for me is that it sometimes comes across as arrogance or something. But when I'm studying and I'm thinking and when I'm reading things like this article I'm going to mention, I just relax. There's something, my mind enjoys it. You know, even if it's difficult to comprehend or something I disagree with or I'm uncomfortable with, still there's this energy or something that goes with it.

[23:09]

So this article was in the London Review of Books and it was written by William Davies. And it's called Who Am I Prepared to Kill? And in it, he discusses a theory of democracy. That's based on three options, agreement, complaint, or silence. And, of course, the underlying question is, who's making the decision and who is being expected to agree? You know, like, how does this structure work? So what he says is that, and, you know, he compares this to how Facebook works and other things. kind of social media kind of things work and, you know, and other ways, that this is a very old, fairly old system of democracy that was kind of formalized by someone as a proposal. But what he says is that when things are polarized into agreement and complaint, it drowns out other views, in other words, discussion.

[24:20]

Oh, you think this. Oh, you think this. Oh, that's how that affects you. That's how that sounds to you. That's how this sounds to me. You know, how do we unravel that? So he says that this makes for a peculiar and infantilizing state of affairs. And I've certainly thought many times that this kind of, this way of looking at things, seems to end up being a form of entertainment, you know, that is slightly shallow. And I don't mean that like bad, but, you know, it's so accessible to do a like or a dislike or like the person who is complaining or whatever it is. So how are we negotiating that? He says that this leads to difficulties for people of varying views to understand each other.

[25:24]

And further, it makes it harder to understand your own behavior and culture as well. These are some of the issues we have. So I think this puts everyone in kind of a bind of having to accept or to agree with the decision or to complain and sound as though complaining is critical and destructive and that sort of thing, or remain silent. And those are decisions we all make, depending on the circumstances. But the issue kind of underneath is, are the people making the decisions considering the impact or hearing the discussion from those who are affected by them? So the third picture, seeing the ox, is the point of satori. So you're only at three, and you're at the point of satori, or seeing into one's true nature, and kensho, or awakening.

[26:33]

So through this studying and applying the teachings, such as mindfulness, one has gotten to this point of glimpsing the mind and the potential of Buddha nature. So as part of the commentary, it says, when stress, anxiety, or suffering ends, a new vitality arises. And this is also a very interesting thing when you look into the teachings or apply, you know, the guidelines of meditation and mindfulness and so on. This vitality can arise. Then, though... In order to tame the ox, which is picture five, you first have to capture it, which is picture four. So before you can catch it, you have to know what you're going to do with it.

[27:35]

So in a sense, you have to know how to tame the ox in order to catch it. Otherwise, it'll just escape, get away. Yamada described this as having set aside desires and habits with all the scheming and planning that they require. So you harness the ox, that's the mind or Buddha nature, as an act of faith and curiosity. And with this awareness that that effort to hold it may be difficult and uncertain. And you hold the rope. And you go on with your practice, and Yamada says, and you enjoy it. So it's this vitality and this enjoyment, this curiosity. So the Buddhist proposal requires effort from us. It's made by a person, and this person achieves the results of effort through surrender to an insight into non-self.

[28:43]

And this surrender includes deep effort and renunciation, as well as something I call spiritual humor. You know, it's an insight into the resistance of our mind and our heart to sort of revelation, particularly when this path implies that change is inevitable. Taming the ox also may seem like completion. Oh, you know, I've got it under control. And it's often interpreted that way, and yet this is only step five. Picture six is riding home on the ox. So the spiritual endeavor, you know, begins with awakening, and it continues through humility and application of mindfulness. to an awareness of how known self functions as liberation.

[29:49]

And this has a combination of pleasure, relief, and poignancy. So the practitioner acknowledges the truth of impermanence and returns to the reality of impermanence. Yet you do not wander away. You return right to the beginning to start again from scratch. This is riding home on the ox. So this is a spiritual path when the kind of dissolution that happens from deep meditation, particularly, and return from that to familiar reality, negotiate with each other. So this negotiation of dissolution and return to the familiar. But the commentators on this teaching agree that from this point, you don't backslide because practice and the precepts have become thoroughly a part of yourself.

[30:57]

And you can see that, you know, in people who have been practicing for many years. They may still make mistakes and say things this way or that way, but there's something sort of completed there that comes across. the transition, you know, from point five to six can be disorienting. So, you know, that sort of revelation and then return, it's like, okay, so I did all that and now what does it mean that this has become a part of me, that this is my path, this is my way that I have taken on? And you know, one will still go on. This is the intuition of a spiritual path. And these habits become more natural and flexible. You know, I think it's really important for us to be, in a sense, perfectionists about our practice and our sort of commitment to...

[32:12]

meditation and all those things. And yet, you know, again, in people who've been practicing for many years, you'll often see this kind of relaxed and flexible sort of attitude, which can be very charming, actually. On picture seven, which is called The Ox Forgotten, The Self Remains, from Yamada comments, intrinsic wisdom begins. when there is no longer anything strange or unusual. So the strictures and the limitations of conventional reality kind of shift into this arena of play, of freedom. Yamada says, now there's no need to be formal with anyone. No need to always be bowing to people. So this is something I mentioned a little bit in my earlier talk, but... There's this way, you know, that politeness or courtesy can be kind of manipulative.

[33:15]

You know, we're protecting ourselves with it. And we're also trying to be sure possibly that we can get what we want. And I don't mean that, you know, in a critical way, because that's very important that we are happy and other people are happy who we also wish these things for. And yet, you know, it can have also this kind of atmosphere of superiority and even be a subtle form of violence in terms of cultural difference. And I don't know what you call it, this way of kind of defining culture in a particular way or defining how we behave to each other in a particular way. It's funny, you know, because in... Zen, there's this tradition of this kind of antic Zen where people are very rude to each other and violent and that sort of thing.

[34:17]

And you wonder, well, what does that mean? What does that mean? And I think it's an experiment in this area of, you know, now there's no need to be formal with anyone, no need to always be bowing to people. It's not a recommendation or a prescription, but it's just, oh... what are they touching on? What is this teaching about? So when, when those things are described and so you have to wonder, you know, what does this politeness, what, what is it sort of conveying? Is it that, you know, we should always speak only in gratitude and congratulation and you know, certain forms of positive praise or flattery, you know. And is this a particular way that power is expressed? So at the same time, you know, as in those koans, you know, you don't really want to set aside conventionality or politeness or hurt people.

[35:32]

Or remove yourself from the world in that way and replacing it, you know, with something that requires nothing of us. And so that leads to picture eight. Forget both self and ox. So to forget the self in the eighth picture is to no longer base one's life on aspirations, desires, and aversions. or Yamada described it as worldly feelings. So at this point, one is bringing negation and affirmation into balance. And Yamada mentions that there's even a danger at this point. You're at eight, you know, or the spiritual path has brought you to eight, the eighth picture. And he says that the danger is that it's still not good enough. If your consciousness is the kind that inspires awe and gratitude in people, that makes people talk about you.

[36:37]

Well, you know, when we start on this path, don't we all want to be kind of Zen masters in a certain way? We want to teach. We want to have students. We want people to enjoy meditation and enjoy Buddhism and enjoy the teaching. And yet, you know, how does that work? And so this step on the path is sort of addressing that. Like, what is it at this point that takes you forward? And Master Sheng Yen says, the eighth stage is not the end of the path. The aim of Buddhism is not simply to disappear from life. Actually, the eighth stage leads automatically into the ninth. in which the world of phenomenal distinctions is spontaneously reaffirmed. So the ninth stage is called return to the origin, back to the source.

[37:38]

And probably many of you have heard this Zen metaphor of how before you begin your practice, mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers. As you continue your practice and you find this along the spiritual path, for sure, mountains are no longer mountains and rivers are no longer rivers. That dissolution of our assumptions and our preferences and so on. And then he says, and then mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers again. But again, doesn't mean they're the same. We recognize them differently. They impact us differently. Rather, you know, this awareness emerges as pure wisdom. Whatever it encounters, it sees it for what it is without the interference of vexation. So in Buddhism, you know, faith, which I mentioned earlier, is not about believing or not believing, but a willingness to doubt.

[38:49]

one's preferences and prejudices. And at this point, there's a sense of poignancy that Yamada refers to as the world we live in is truly a world of impermanence, constantly changing and shifting, modifying and altering itself with each moment. The world, just as it is, is the world of the Buddha. And you feel that, you know, that sort of pinch. the freedom at the same time. So I think what Buddhism and Zen teach is that the beauty as well as the suffering of the world can only be truly related to from the perspective of what's called the origin or the source. And the empty circle of the eighth picture and the origin and the source of the ninth picture are like front and back, yet they are one. And this leads to the 10th picture, entering the marketplace with open hands.

[39:54]

So this stage of the spiritual journey and of the 10 ox herding pictures is associated with Hote, who is depicted as a wandering monk who carries a bag and a straw mat and a staff. And he mingles with the common folk. So Hote is associated with Maitreya, the future Buddha, whose name is related to the term Maitri or Metta, meaning loving kindness, benevolence, or friendliness. And we often hear these terms in a sentimental way, but in this case or this context, they're just practical, just very practical. Evelyn Underhill, who wrote a book called Mysticism, which is about basically the Christian spiritual path, but pretty recognizable for anyone who's on a spiritual journey.

[41:03]

She describes this 10th stage or this final stage as the unitive life in which the mystic is a sharply intuitive and practical person. an artist, a discoverer, a religious or social reformer. We find ourselves in the presence of a superabundant vitality and an inextinguishable gladness of heart. I was so impressed in the interview and discussion with Larry Ward and Fu that gladness in Larry Ward, you know, his enthusiasm and his warmth just went to my heart, you know, and it has this feeling, that inextinguishable gladness of heart in the midst of all the things that were being talked about. So addressing issues, you know, of diversity and equity and inclusion and accessibility in the context of then practice and in an institution that teaches and promotes compassion in a bodhisattva way,

[42:18]

is necessary and it's complex. It requires humility and humor and creativity and practicalities, such as policies and vows. And if I were not hopeful about this, I wouldn't be speaking about it. And if you were not hopeful about Zen practice and training, you would not be here listening or coming to the Zendo in the morning, you know, the online Zendo. And there's nothing to worry about. I think Zen Center is not going away, and it needs your support. And I think you need Zen Center's support as well. And yet there are possibilities, you know, that might not be being met. And not all practitioners may be served in the way possible. And the wholehearted way, actually, that I believe Suzuki Roshi and other great teachers have intended.

[43:21]

So here we are at the end of another year and a very challenging year. And we can look back and we can look forward with deeper intention, perhaps, and awareness. And make vows and resolutions that... may transform us in the world. Why not? This is our spiritual intention and hope and vow. And the effort, as Yamada and Underhill indicate, is difficult, but it's also playful and enjoyable and deep and moves things around in a way that has a lot of vitality. And this is within the great working of emptiness and non-self and of Buddha nature. And I think of the beauty and the horror of the world just as it is.

[44:25]

So I would say let us wish for a good year. Good health. Better health. Improved health. A little more freedom and... contact with each other, less or no violence, and people talking to each other. Not just agreement and complaint and silence, but what is this all about? How can we share it and struggle with it and love it? So thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma.

[45:29]

For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

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