This is the sixth day of Shashin. I thought I should say that because last night in her encouraging words, she was so sad, there's 24 hours left. And I started to do the math and I thought, hmm. It wasn't a literal 24 hours. It was a Zen 24 hours. Sometimes it's only a moment, and sometimes it's forever. I was going to say, I hope it didn't confuse you, but what the heck, maybe being confused would be helpful. you know, as we enter into Shashin, actually enter into just about anything, the sense of time starts to lose its predictor, predictable, orderly, linear, measured attribute.

[03:03]

My grandson was about to turn three. I said to him one day, what did you do yesterday? And he looked at me like, yesterday? What planet do you live on? the planet we live on, the mind we live in with all its amazing particulars. And then what is it to wake up in the middle of that? So somehow

[04:12]

In reflecting on that question, I thought it would be good to explore in Sushin this classical by Dogen. And I must say, the last couple of days I've been thinking, what have I got myself into? He keeps going in unrelenting. Sometimes it seems like he's repeating the same point and then sometimes he's expanding it to include every possible way of thinking or considering everything. So I'm gonna start with this poem.

[05:14]

that I read, I think about three or four weeks ago. I was about to explain myself, but why on earth would I do that? Kehida. It's because you're married. It's because the border control of your country doesn't want me. It's because dirty with sand and kisses, I go crazy with you when I'm alone. It's because it's a secret. It's because I have no money. It's because I have so much to do and never do it. It's because I'm not a man, but a child. It's because even though I don't drink, I drink too much. It's because my love for you ruins me.

[06:17]

It's because I make up stories about why I need to be close. It's because I cry too much, or at least I want to. It's because I'm paralyzed and can't move my legs. It's because I had my heart ripped out and I don't trust anyone not to do that again. no matter what they say. It's because I miss my mother and my nephew. It's because I'm afraid. It's because even though I'm honest, I lie all the time. It's because this life is so inconceivable, I just stare out the window at a tree branch. of us doesn't have the full array of passions, distresses, hopes, loves.

[07:37]

And what is it to sit in the middle of that? Rather than to think, surely Zazen. Surely Zen practice. Surely Sashin. Surely there's some way to save myself from myself. To save myself from this world of love and hate, of intimacy and separation. is walking up to the altar just now, I noticed the right side of the kubaku table is almost a half inch out of line. The shocking things that happen here. Last night at dinner, I saw two people make eye contact.

[08:52]

wasn't sure whether to call the police or the ambulance, you know. And maybe this is what we all need, some orderly, predictable, consensual system. blindless details, then we can know simply what's right and wrong. It's wrong when the Kobaku table is this much off of square. How reassuring to know that in that level of detail. And even more reassuring to know that as soon as the talk's over, The eno will go and straighten it. And probably the children will apologize.

[10:10]

Ah, my mistakes are boundless. And then in this world, each of us are messy, boundless existence. What intrigues me about this poem is it's like this passion play of love and honesty. I'm paralyzed. My legs won't move. Who of us hasn't felt stuck Maybe not even knowing what was going on that made us feel that way.

[11:14]

Maybe not even knowing what it is to move. Here we are, for better or for worse, we've placed ourselves in this predicament. And for better or for worse, I've decided to study this fascicle of Ehe Dogen Zenji and subject you to my ramblings on it. It's like we draw a straight line and we say, that's the Buddha way. And then as we walk it, we see the endless variations of a human life. It's like the policeman saying, could you step out of your car for a moment?

[12:20]

Could you walk that straight line to see whether you're drunk or sober? No. If he said, just roam around, it wouldn't be so revealing. Walk an exact straight line. Follow your breath, inhale, pause, exhale, pause. And then you see a human life. And you see your own involvement in it, me. Precious, wonderful, terrible, frightened, courageous, sad, delighted. Add as many adjectives as you like. That's your privilege.

[13:22]

So the sixth day, supported by the rain, the gray clouds, and the soothing quality they offer. Within the particulars, with a diligence and commitment to them, to watch the recklessness of your human life very interesting proposition for the way to awaken, for the way to realize and discover the path of liberation. Okay, well then I won't even bother to try following a straight line.

[14:37]

Well, then you'll never see your variations, your deviations. You'll never see that arising thought. Sometimes it seems so ancient. It sometimes seems startlingly bizarre. Where did that come from? I have mixed feelings about the little details of Soto Zen. My enthusiasm for them waxes and wanes. When I started Zen practice, I thought, nothing is more important than the little details.

[15:44]

And it gave me license for a certain kind of rigidity. Congratulations when I attend to them. Self-criticism when I failed to meet the standard that I had. give me grounds for judging others. All in all, it was very useful. And then, somehow, seeing that and thinking, hmm, criticism, judging others, some fixed definition of good and bad, success and failure.

[16:51]

And without quite knowing it, shifting attitude, without quite intending it. And then Achancha, a famous They're a valid teacher. We'd say, I only have two teachings. When the student's going left, I say go right. When they're going right, I say go left. So I got kind of sloppy. And then I thought, hmm. Can we hold both worlds right down to the level of particularity? Place your shoes just right outside the Buddha hall. The little details are jewels. The mind, the attention, the commitment is asked for and we can respond to the request.

[18:09]

And then if we add all that other stuff onto it, the whole thing becomes very complicated for ourselves and for other people. I think it's wonderful, you know, when we're in the zendho and somebody who doesn't know any better walks in front of the altar. we think perfectly fine. And after they've been here a few times, we should tell them we never walk in front of the altar. That kind of mind. How you relate to yourself, how you relate to others. And then can it expand?

[19:12]

until we write our poem and we list the dilemmas of our life and the passion of our life. each time we sit down, attend to the particulars of the technique that you're engaged in practicing with. And I would say to you, if your mind says, well, I sort of... Do exactly what you do. Walk the straight line that you're walking. If you sort of do what you sort of do, how the heck will you ever see the genius of your own deviations?

[20:25]

How will you ever see how thought or feeling takes hold and creates its own lotus blossom? read this poem, I read in it in all this passion. And it's just holding up a flower and saying, look, here's my human life right now. as best as I can see. Here's what it looks like, here's what it feels like.

[21:31]

And what makes Zazen so exquisitely mysterious is this combination of this kind of all-embracing holding of the human condition in this straight line of engagement. That they need each other, they support each other. This straight line illuminates the variation. Bhaktanai Gaku and Vaso. Where we left it off, they were beating on a cart and beating on an ox.

[22:38]

In case you'd forgotten those details. Like my grandson. Yesterday? What the heck are you talking about? Sometimes the mind of Shashin is like that, you know? Yesterday? I think it was yesterday. Couldn't tell you too much about it right now. Now the whole world is wet. And the whole sky is covered with gray, silvery gray clouds. So here's in relationship to their ox and cart. Here's Dogen's, what would you call, exposition. Although heading the ox is commonly practiced. You should investigate heading the ox in the Buddha way.

[23:48]

Is it heading a living Buddha? A living, excuse me, is it heading a living Buffalo? An iron ox? Or a clay ox? Is it hitting with a whip? With the entire world? With the whole mind? Is it hitting the marrow? Is it hitting with a fist? How about fist hitting fist? How about ox hitting ox? So, there you go. That made it all simple, right? then the next line is beautiful. And Basso was silent. You should know that when you're in Dogosan or in practice discussion, and the teacher is looking like they're saying something profound, and you're thinking, what the hell are they talking about? Be silent.

[24:52]

It's a beautiful answer. In the Zen world, silence counts for a lot. Basel was silent. Do not ignore this silence. It's hurling a tile, tossing. Why do you use the word hurling? Throwing away, the other translation says. It's throwing away a tile to attract a jewel. Turning the head and turning the face. This silence cannot be taken away. Of course, as we explore our effort, we see there's so many details to effort. There's the effort of the straight line. There's the effort of the all-embracing openness.

[25:56]

There's the effort of holding both Dedication to diligence, dedication to acceptance. And how does that come about? Do you tighten your stomach muscles? Do you loosen your stomach muscles? Do you sit through the pain? Or do you accept this is as much pain to sit with and now move mindfully. And I would say to you this, the questions are there, inviting investigation, inviting a curious wonder about this so-called human life.

[27:03]

but the details of your sitting, the details of your involvement in your sitting. When we turn our effort into a mechanical event, a mechanical engagement, of course our mind wanders. It's utterly bored. When we're exploring, you know, And this arises. And your eye looks at the corner of the Kobaku table. And your mind measures how much off-square it is. I mean, how bizarre is that? In all this amazing world, that detail arises in the thought and the mind takes hold.

[28:11]

And in the awareness, the detail is seen as completely itself and something is realized about the nature of awakening. And Nangako is trying to communicate the basso. And Dogen Zenji is commenting on it. And this has endless variations. Here, let me confuse you with a whole bunch of questions about it. And then take them and make up your own. And can your inquiry become intimate beyond words? the movement of mind and heart.

[29:28]

Don't ignore this silence. In there, there's an amazing human capacity. Pause. And the sound Here comes the sound. And the unrelenting progression of the thinking and feeling pauses. And as Hackelwin says, And in that moment, I yearn for the place before my parents were born. As if there's a spacious permission for what is to be what is.

[30:48]

flower I hold up and say, my life, it's just a flower in this vast mandala of being. In every breath, an inhale, a pause, an arising and a falling away. And somehow, Dogen says, well, he makes three points. He says, letting go of the tile, letting go of what we're diligently trying to perfect, we discover the jewel of what is.

[32:07]

Even in diligence to the straight line, it betrays us. It obscures what is if it becomes a preoccupation. Can there be spaciousness? And we turn the head. It's very interesting, you know, in Dokkasan to say something to someone and they turn the head to think about it. Usually to the right and a little bit down. That's where all the answers are in case you didn't know. Now there are people who look up.

[33:11]

I sort of think if you're more religiously inclined, I think you're probably humanistic when you look over here. And occasionally, not many, looked to the left. George Lakoff, a kind of socialist, scientist, philosopher, believe it or not, he made a study of all this. And he said, you might think that it's purely random that, you know, when cars had speedometers that were a dial, That left was slow and right was fast. No. There's something in our convention. Our spatial convention. This is before. This is after. This is slow. This is faster.

[34:18]

And of course faster is better than slow. Everybody knows that. So we look. We turn the head. Even the movements of our body are expanding our conditioned existence. And then he also says we turn the face, facing the truth. When I received this poem, I thought, oh, this person, is facing their truth. A complicated, difficult, challenging one. And I didn't read you the second verse, which happens to be a great deal shorter than the first one.

[35:26]

If I could have one thing before, it would be to see again the one million faces in your eyes and drink the one million beauties of your heart. What is it to not turn away from the life you're living? What is it to not turn away from the engagement You're in. Once I was on the Russian border between Russia and Afghanistan, and I was smuggling rubles into Russia.

[36:30]

And it was the communist era, so they were still pretty optimistic. And I thought it was going to be a pretty simple thing, you know. But it turned out they were being extremely attentive in their searches. And I had sewn the rubles. I thought I was being a little overly cautious. I'd sewn them into my pants. And the pants were a little bit baggy, so they disguised it well. And the guard was searching me, frisking every part of my body. And he was working down towards the pants leg. And I was thinking, this is not good. Because, you know, I think in this part of the world, life is pretty cheap, you know.

[37:33]

Like, these guys could put me in prison and just leave me there. I don't think the concept of everybody deserves a fair trial works in this part of the world. And of course, he'd asked me, did I have anything to declare? And I learned that as a smuggler, you have to be able to face and look directly and say, no. So I had gone through that. And he got about here. And I said, oh, wait a minute. Could you, how would you think about these? And I had, very fortunately, in the markets in Cabo, I had managed to buy pre-revolutionary czarist notes, currency notes, bank notes.

[38:34]

Beautiful, big things. And I had about two or three. So I pulled them out. And he turned his head and he turned his face. And he said, let me see those. And he looked at them. And I knew he was going to keep them. I mean, and he wasn't going to report them. He was going to put them in his pocket. And I said, no, no, no, you can't take them. He says... to ensure that his head and his face stayed turned. He took the notes and said, gone. And I complained a little bit and went on. So maybe sometimes turning the head and turning the face have something to offer.

[39:41]

is to stay face to face. How powerful it is to not intentionally deviate. Inevitably we'll deviate from the straight line. But to commit to the straight line. If that border guard being diligent, I may be riding away in a jail somewhere. Fortunately for me, he hadn't read this fascicle of Dogen. So on this day, the sixth day, how these two fit together.

[41:05]

The exacting request and the wide open acceptance. And if maybe you're precocious and the so-called world beyond Sashin is coming in with great delights or great disasters. Let the weight of it, let the energetic reverberation of it in your body and in your heart and in your mind. Feel that. Don't worry so much about the details. Feel the immensity of the life you're living. But also feel the breath that's keeping you alive.

[42:15]

The heart that just keeps beating the whole way through it. of your being. Where else does Buddha appear? Where else is the Buddha way realized? What better teacher or better teaching could there possibly be than the intimacy of what arises in your being. The interactions that happen when the head and the face don't turn away.

[43:22]

Don't worry, I'm gonna stop in a moment. as translates Dogen is saying this. When you reflect on these life activities, they're intimate. Are they intimate with Zazen or remote from it? Is there enlightenment or is there delusion? So this very stuff that I'm so casually saying unfurls the Dharma. Dogen says, what way is it to relate to it that illuminates? In what way to relate to it compounds confusion? And I'm saying,

[44:44]

when it sparkles in being just what it is. It calls forth awakening. But watch your own discovery. Examining and watching. And the great thing about the sixth day is you could quietly say to yourself, maybe, just maybe, this sasheen is not going to destroy me. Just maybe I'm not going to be permanently mentally or physically disordered. So you can watch. And then Dogen and Nangakko go on and say a lot about, they talk a lot about sitting and lying down and really they're saying all the different modes obsessing, all the different rhythms of the day, all the different ways we engage in.

[46:01]

And I would encourage you that even though your mind may start to be influenced by some notion that there's something after, Sushin. Can you sustain, without trying to suppress or push that away, can you sustain the diligence? Can you keep exploring that balance? diligence within zazen, diligent within the forms, the protocols. So Shin creates a kind of energy. And both our dismays and our delights can commandeer that energy.

[47:14]

Can it stay connected to awareness? Ah, look at that. Feel that. Let the energy of that connect rather than separate. Is it intimate with zazen or remote from it? Is there enlightenment or is there delusion? So this is the great gift of the sixth day. And only each one of us can sustain it for ourselves.

[48:33]

And what one of us couldn't write a poem like that that lays out our laments challenges, our frustrations, our bitter disappointment, our sense of stuckness, our deep yearning. And this amazing opportunity to see them for what they are. either get lost in them or turn our face away from them. All these days of sitting, something has seeped into your bones.

[49:48]

Maybe your mind would be at a loss to turn it into ideas and words. And maybe that's really helpful. But as you stay diligent with the forms, a different kind of communication happens. The wisdom and compassion that Shashin has cultivated within us can shepherd our efforts, can shepherd the unruly mess that we call a human life. I would say to you, this is what we came for.

[50:53]

This is why of all the amazing and wonderful things you could be doing You did this. This is what can support your life. The life of all the people who made adjustments to let you do this. All your relationships.

[51:18]

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