Well, I do admire those of you who are not required to be here for being indoors on this warm evening. I hope that you will not be too disappointed, although as I told someone earlier, your expectation is your responsibility. When they said they were expecting a boomer down at all, I said, I'm not responsible for your expectation. That was actually a very important lesson that I learned when I realized that my daughter was not responsible for my expectations of her, so that I could give up being angry at her for not doing what I expected her to do and just let her live her life. It's very interesting, a bad expectation, it can get you, it can cause you a lot of

[01:10]

misery. Someone said to me once, and I find it very helpful because I like humor, you know, if you find yourself disappointed, you might consider, who made the appointment? So, I find it helpful to remember that from time to time when something doesn't turn out the way I had hoped it might. As you know, I'm here this week doing a, some of you know, I'm here this week doing a workshop on Zen and Tai Chi with Li Ping Xu, is it Xu or Xiao, Xu, with Li Ping who is a resident of the city center and a fabulous Tai Chi and Qigong teacher, and I'm enjoying her teaching

[02:11]

very, very much, and I'm supplying the Zen end part, but what I find really quite wonderful is to see, you know, really see the connection between Zen and Daoism, because I know theoretically that Zen, or Chan, as it developed in China, was a product of the effect of the indigenous Daoist understanding with the Buddhist understanding that came to China from India, and the resulting teaching has, which we call Zen now, has a great deal which it has received from Daoism. Now, part of that is just that any human, deep human study of what is, you know, what's going on

[03:26]

here, you know, what is this life, what is, what's happening, what is this life, how is it connected with all life, how shall I live this life, all of these questions that come up in humans very often produce a very similar wisdom. I was, my background was Jewish, although I was not brought up religiously as a Jew, but ethnically I'm Jewish, and when I began, when I discovered Zen and began practicing, at somewhere in there I ran across Martin Buber's Tales of the Hasidim, and I started reading them and I said, oh, these are Zen stories, and then you run into the same wisdom in almost, in every tradition with which I have become

[04:32]

familiar, I'm no expert on comparative religions, but some of the same understandings of how we are in the world, and how we're connected with everything, how we're connected with the universe, how the universe expresses itself through each of us, those understandings are not so different. There's different vocabulary and certainly different styles of exploring what it means to be human in this world, but many of the essential teachings are very related. Now, what happens to them when they become institutionalized and organized? Religion is different. Then there becomes a sort of setting up a duality between my way of

[05:41]

understanding things and their way of understanding things, and then my way is better than their way, and that sort of stuff, which is also one of the ways in which human beings suffer in the world, by identifying themselves as separate and different and special. Just recently, I have been reading a book. I was back in North Carolina in Chapel Hill at the Chapel Hill Zen Center, where Abbas of which is, sat Tangaia with me here in 1972, and was here for some years and was director of the city center, and is now Abbas of the Chapel Hill Zen Center. She invited me to come back there and lead a

[06:43]

practice period, which I did, and I just finished. She gave me, while I was there, this book called The Power of Now. This is written by someone named Eckhart Tolle. In the introduction, it says, some years ago, he was in the midst of a suicidal depression sort of the depths of despair, and he had an epiphany, and he writes about it here. The title of the book is The Power of Now, and he writes about the importance of staying in the present moment. Well, golly gee, how many of us have heard that? You know, take that Hans phrase, present moment, only moment, is one that sticks with me. Our life is in this present moment, and we get into a lot of confusion in our thinking and identifying with past and future.

[07:51]

I mean, so I want to read you a little bit of it, because it's a fresh language in that it doesn't have any sectarian language at all in it. But I'm also reminded of Kageyoshi, you know, when he's talked about being in the present moment, he said, this is past, and this is future, and this is present. It's just right here, it has no width or, you know, it's like a point. It has location but no dimension. So the present, right here now, has no duration, it's just happening right now, and right now, and right now, and right now. This is our life. And the past and the future are, to some degree, stories or fantasies. I mean,

[08:54]

we tell stories of the past, and there are probably some elements of reality to them, and then there's a lot of extra added implications or projections or ideas or stuff that we add to it. And the more times we tell the story, the more embroidered it gets. And, you know, we can plan for the future, but we spend a lot of time sort of also fantasizing about the future, or worrying about the future. I mean, fear arises around concern for what might happen later. Fear doesn't arise in the present moment. If you are immediately threatened, then some kind of defensive reaction comes up,

[09:55]

a big shot of adrenaline probably. But fear is worrying about what might happen in the future. And many of us find ourselves in that place. And of course, you know, we have a mind, we can remember past events, more or less accurately, and we can plan for the future, though probably it will never turn out quite as we imagined. But how much of your life do you want to spend in the past and the future? All of it? Half of it? And how much do you want to spend right here, now, where it's happening, while it's happening, being with it so that you can be aware and present with what's going on and respond immediately to what's happening? So that's a good deal of what Zen practice is about. It's a good deal of what I notice

[11:02]

in the Dai Chi class, to really be aware of what is happening within this body as we are moving, what is happening to the energy right here, right now, feeling the energy from the universe coming into us, feeling the energy circulating in our body. And the same thing happens in Zazen. When you're sitting Zazen and giving your attention to your lower abdomen here, what in Japanese is called Hara, in Chinese is called Dantian. I probably didn't say it right, but close enough. This is considered in Taoism the location of the vital energy,

[12:02]

or the source of the vital energy within us, which circulates throughout our body, and the universe is also the source which replenishes us. And the vital energy is the same. The vital energy which enlivens each one of us is the same vital energy which enlivens the entire universe. Now, does that sound also like the last Buddhist lecture I gave? You know, it does to me. To notice this connection between our own vitality and all beings. Katagiri Roshi, as I've mentioned many times, said when he was giving Zazen instruction the first time I went to Zen Center, we sit to settle the self on the self and let the flower of the life force bloom. The flower of the life force. This life force that he's talking about to me

[13:10]

sounds just like the Chi that we're talking about in the Tai Chi class. Sounds just like essential nature. I want to read now a little bit from this book, The Power of Now. A beggar had been sitting by the side of a road for over 30 years. One day a stranger walked by, spare some change, mumbled the beggar, mechanically holding out his old baseball cap. I have nothing to give you, said the stranger. Then he asked, what's that you're sitting on? Nothing, replied the beggar, just an old box. I've been sitting on it for as long as I remember. Ever looked inside, said the stranger? No, said the beggar. What's the point? There's nothing in there. Have a look inside, insisted the stranger. The beggar managed to pry open the box lid. With astonishment, disbelief, and elation he saw that the box was filled with gold.

[14:15]

I am that stranger who has nothing to give you and who's telling you to look inside. Not inside any box, as in the parable, but somewhere even closer, inside yourself. But I'm not a beggar, I can hear you say. Those who have not found their true wealth, which is the radiant joy of being and the deep unshakable peace that comes with it, are beggars even if they have great material wealth. They are looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love, while they have a treasure within that not only includes all those things, but is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer. I was, while I was back there in Chapel Hill, I was reduced one morning, was eating breakfast by myself, I was reduced to reading the back of a soy milk carton. And so I'm reading it and there's this joke on it. A monk came to a hot dog vendor and said,

[15:29]

make me one with everything. And I said, why did they put that old saw in there? It's been out for years. But I went on and read the rest of it. So the vendor made it and gave it to him and the monk handed him a $20 bill and stood there for a minute and then he said, where's my change? And the vendor said, change comes from within. So I hadn't, it was an old saw up to a point, but that was a new twist on it that I hadn't heard. And I resonated with it. Maybe change comes from seeing within, from awareness, from awareness of what's here now, of our energy. Sometimes, I don't know if you've had this experience, sometimes, particularly in Sashina, these days when we're doing Zazen after we do Tai Chi,

[16:34]

where we really, the Chi is moving. But sometimes when I'm sitting, it feels like I can feel, I can actually feel the life energy and the final energy in this body. The way I've described it to myself is, it's almost as if I can feel the cells metabolizing. I just feel this energy or vitality or life force throughout this body. And when that happens, I feel a great connection with everything that's alive because this same energy is doing the same thing in everybody in the room and everybody in the world. And all sentient beings. This vital connection of life energy is in all of us and is

[17:41]

why we can really resonate with other beings, is why when we hear of children dying in Africa, we feel it ourselves because we have this vital connection with all that is. And so what I'm really appreciating about the Tai Chi class, when Li Ping talks about some of the theory and not just the movement, I feel she's talking about the same thing that has been so important in Zen practice for me. There's an article, this is a Daoist magazine, and there's an article in it about the connection

[18:46]

between Zen and Daoism. And they have a few quotations from Daoist writing here. The Tao Te Ching, for example. Those who can sit until muddy water clears can remain in stillness until movement is born of stillness. Those who follow this way are not desirous of possessions. For this reason they are ever renewed. And another one. By allowing ourselves to remain empty and maintaining our tranquility, the 10,000 things arise of their own accord. As we watch the unfolding, we also watch the return. This is called tranquility. Tranquility is called returning to our original nature. So in this article it talks about some of the origins of Chan in China,

[20:04]

and it mentions a teacher whom I greatly admire. Various leaders or patriarchs helped Chan Buddhism evolve in China, including the fourth ancestor, Daoxin, who studied on Mount Xuanfeng. When he was said to have founded the first Chan community, there with his 500 disciples, he set up a self-sustaining monastic community, instilled many of the qualities that Zen is known for today, such as the practice of maintaining the inner spirit of meditation regardless of what one is doing. This included formal sitting as well as working on the form, qualities that we see emphasized in modern Zen practice. Well, in our tradition, of course,

[21:08]

taking the spirit of Zazen into our daily activity is greatly emphasized. We talk about it all the time. And, of course, you see the fruit of that, those of you who are guests here at Tassajar, see the fruit of that in the guest season. We sit a great deal of Zazen in the wintertime, and then we open the gates and invite you in at the beginning of the guest season, and we take that spirit of Zazen into taking care of all of you who come to visit. And then we go back to sit and go back out to take care of you, and back to sit and back out to take care of you. We have this rhythm of in and out, in and out, breathing in and breathing out. If we just breathe in, you know, pretty soon we just pass out because you have to breathe out

[22:13]

again to make room for fresh air. So this establishing the notion of taking the settledness of Zazen into the activity of daily life, and refreshing that regularly, was established already in China in the Tang Dynasty. Now this teacher, Dao Shen, wrote a poem called Xin Xin Ming on faith and mind, which begins, the great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. I remember the first time I heard that.

[23:14]

Oh, this way is going to be difficult for me. I had a lot of preferences. Stephen Mitchell has translated that, the great way is not difficult for those who don't cling to their preferences. I could imagine that. I can't actually imagine having no preferences. Perhaps it will happen one day, but I'm not going to hold my breath. But I can try not to cling to them, to notice when I'm distressed by the fact that things are not going the way I wanted them to go. I would prefer that they be like this instead of like that. And when I notice myself getting agitated, then I have the opportunity to say, well, it didn't go the way I preferred it, but this is the way it is. And to drop my irritation, or I have the opportunity to just hang on it, chew on it like an old bone, and be miserable. That's up to me, actually.

[24:21]

If things as it is, how it is is how it is. Whether I prefer it this way or that way, what is is what is. And I can find a way to be with what is, perhaps I can even find a way to influence it to move somewhat. But not if I'm just fussing about it, not if I'm just being annoyed by it, irritated by it. It doesn't do anything except make the whole situation measurable. So I actually have some choices about my state of mind. I remember once that the abbot who was leading the practice period, my first practice period here, Richard Baker, said in a lecture, your state of mind is your first priority. And I thought, what a weird thing to say.

[25:23]

What does that mean? But I come to appreciate it more as I practice, as I watch my life, as I watch my mind. If my state of mind is calm, I can deal with what's in front of me. But if I'm agitated and irritated and upset, I just get more agitated, irritated and upset. It doesn't affect the situation in the way that I want it to, it just makes a mess. So that for me to find some stability and equanimity in my mind, whatever is going on, is really of primary importance. Before I can actually be in the situation with any kind of ease and with any kind of harmony, I have to take care of my state of

[26:25]

mind. I have to be willing to be where I am in this present moment, in this particular circumstance. Whatever it is. And then from there I can find out how to respond to it. But if I'm just sort of in my head, ranting and reeling about it, don't want it to be this way, what good does that do? It just makes a lot of noise. For me, it's better to say, oh, oh, this is how it is. Well, now what? Now what's the best way to respond? Anyhow, he says, the Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When freed from love and hate, it reveals itself clearly and undisguised. A hair's breadth difference and heaven and earth are set apart.

[27:26]

If you want it to appear, have no opinions for or against it. The duality of like and dislike is the dis-ease of the mind. When the deep meaning is not understood, the mind's essential peace is disturbed. I greatly recommend the Xin Xin Ming to any of you who are here and want to read it in the library or something. I'll put this on the reading table in the library. I want to read the whole thing too. But this teaching of being with what is, rather than being stuck in what you wish were happening, you know, that's different than what is,

[28:32]

doesn't give you very much space to actually be with what is in a constructive way. If you can be with what is now, in the present moment, with some composure, you may find a way to go. But if you're just flailing about saying, I don't like it, that's all that's happening. It doesn't affect the situation so much as just making you in great distress. So let me read a little bit more from The Power of Now. He says, The word enlightenment conjures up the idea of some superhuman accomplishment, and neither likes to keep it that way. But it is simply the natural state of felt oneness with being. It is a state of connectedness with something immeasurable and indestructible,

[29:34]

something that almost paradoxically is essentially you, and yet is much greater than you. It is finding your true nature beyond name and form. The inability to feel this connectedness gives rise to the illusion of separation from yourself and from the world around you. You then perceive yourself, consciously or unconsciously, as an isolated fragment. Fear arises, and conflict within and without becomes the norm. I love the Buddhist simple definition of enlightenment as the end of suffering. There is nothing superhuman in that, is there? Of course, as a definition, it is incomplete. It only tells you that enlightenment is not no suffering. But what's left when there is no more

[30:35]

suffering? The Buddha is silent on that, and his silence implies that you have to find out for yourself. He uses a negative definition, says the mind cannot make it into something to believe in, or into a superhuman accomplishment, a goal that is impossible for you to attain. Despite this perception, the majority of Buddhists still believe that enlightenment is for the Buddha, not for them. At least, not in this lifetime. Because it's a fresh language, it doesn't have any sectarian language in it. But the teaching is not so different than the teaching that we

[31:39]

read, hear, listen to, practice all the time. But how do we make it our own? How do we bring our attention to this very moment? Again, and again, and again. Dogon Sanji says in his instructions for Sarasen, think not thinking. How do you think not thinking? Non-thinking. This in itself is the essential art of Sarasen. Sometimes there's a translation, think of that which does not think. But the thing is not to get caught up in your thinking and believing that that is reality. Keep coming back to your actual experience and don't identify with thought.

[32:44]

Don't let your mind take you over and own you. The mind is useful for solving problems, sometimes, but it is not you. You are far more than this thinking capacity that you have. You are one with everything. You are one with everything. You don't have to go to a hot dog stand to get one with everything. You already are. And our practice is to taste that directly, to confirm that directly as we sit and as we breathe, as we feel ourselves completely enlivened by this vital energy that we share with the whole universe.

[33:58]

There's a poem that Katagiri Roshi wrote called A Peaceful Life, and it's in a recent copy of the Shambhala song, but I couldn't find it in the library, and I can't really remember the whole thing, but I'm going to try. He says, being told that it is impossible, we say in despair, is that so? Being told that it is possible, we say in excitement, yes, that's it. But whichever way we choose, it doesn't fit the heart neatly. When you ask, what is not fitting, I can't say exactly.

[35:17]

I have an insatiable desire to know what a mystery human is. As to this mystery, clarifying, learning how to walk with people, showing the way, this is a little bit not exact, I think. This is Buddha. From my human eyes, I feel it is impossible to be a Buddha. But when I consider what a Buddha does, I vow, yes, I will. I will practice endlessly, forever.

[36:21]

This is living in vow. Herein is one's peaceful life found. So our practice is to awaken this Buddha essence, this essence of awakening, this essence of life, of vitality, that is the essential nature of each one of us. And our practice is to really touch that and experience directly for ourselves this connection with all being. And this vow to practice endlessly, forever, making our best effort on each moment, living a life of vow, this is, he says, herein is our peaceful life found.

[37:37]

Are there some questions? Yes. I was just thinking about this idea, but as you were saying, it's difficult to do that. I wonder if you could speak a little bit about what you see ahead of us. It's such a good idea, why don't we just do it? It's such a great art to do. Did everyone here see? It seems that letting go is a really good idea. Why don't we just do it? What are the impediments to it?

[39:00]

Identifying, I think one of the great impediments is identifying with this body and mind as a separate self and clinging to it, not recognizing that whatever this is, it's not a permanent separate self. Recognizing that it's arising fresh in each moment, in response to the causes and conditions of this moment. And that's difficult, that's why we practice long and hard. That's why we can't just go to the hot dog vendor for 20 bucks, become one with everything. That's why we have to sit and observe how our mind creates a separate self. And observe it again and again and again and again,

[40:13]

up to its same old tricks. Realization of our oneness with everything... I remember one time Abe Kinroshi said, realization is always an accident. Zazen makes you accident-prone. And another teacher says, we can never make realization happen, but we can be ready. We can be open to it. So as we sit to notice in our own experience of this body, where we are closed, where there is tension, tightness, closure...

[41:20]

What is the word I want? And when we find that kind of closure, some place that feels not open to breath, to just letting things flow, if we can turn our kind attention to that constriction and just be with it and breathe with it and offer it our kind attention to take care of that bit of suffering that we discover in ourselves. Not to get rid of it, to take care of it. Very different feeling. So a great deal of patience is required, and a great deal of effort. But this turning toward our own suffering with kind attention and care

[42:28]

is how we cultivate compassion. It's how we cultivate a greater capacity to be with others in their suffering, because we feel the connection with them. Their suffering is no different than ours. So continuous practice is what I would say is my first response to what you say. There isn't any sort of finish or end. When I first came to practice, I thought, well, my life is a mess, but I'm going to practice in a while and I'm going to get myself straightened out and get on with my life. That was 35 years ago. Somewhere in there I noticed, I'm never going to get finished with this. There isn't any way to get finished with it. And then I thought,

[43:32]

well, that means it will last me all my life. I'll never use it up. I'm never going to be able to wear out practice. It's always going to serve to continue to re-ground me in the actual vital life energy that I share with everything. I don't know if that's responsive to your question, but that's what comes up for me. Other? Oh, time. Time to go to bed. May our intentions...

[44:13]

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