This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Today I'd like to talk about renunciation. Seems like an appropriate topic for the first day of Sushin. I would imagine that for most of us, hearing the word renunciation, we go, oh no, not that. How boring, how dry. And I would say that in general, the sense of it is to give up something, a loss of some kind.

[01:11]

For instance, right now we're in Lent, right, which started, I think, March 9th and goes till April 23rd. And I know I worked with this Filipina Catholic woman last year, and for Lent she gave up meat. So some of the synonyms in the dictionary for renunciation is abandonment, repudiation, denial, disavow. So really kind of negative, restrictive, kind of a sense of a self-denial. And I think that in traditional Buddhist practice, There is some of that, or there can be a sense of that. Those of you in the Genjo Cohen class have heard this story.

[02:13]

When I was at Chuklam, which is the bamboo forest monastery lineage in Vietnam, Zen lineage, I lived in the nunnery for six months. The nunnery raised a lot of flowers, just like we do at Tassajara, mainly for the altars. So one day as I was walking by a rose bush, there was this huge pink rose. And it seemed like it was calling out for me to smell it. You know, I thought it'd be really aromatic. And so I leaned over and smelled it. And this teacher, walking by said, don't do that. Okay. And when I was at the nunnery, they tell you what to do and not what to do all the time.

[03:13]

You know, I didn't realize but I stood with my hands on my hip a lot and then go by and go, don't stand like that. You know, like in America, when you women cross your legs like this, that's very ladylike, but they would go by and flip your leg off and say, don't sit like that. That's not being very nun-like. So when this teacher said that, I was like, OK. And her English wasn't that good, so I didn't have the conversation with her. But I did have the conversation with Sukotwe, who's this teacher I worked with to translate one of the master's books. and so i told her about the incident and say what is that about you know because in america we have an expression that's um to stop to smell the roses or something like that right which means you experience life you know you know your surroundings so which seems very buddhist you know being aware and um she said well we don't do that because we have rules to

[04:23]

minimize or cut off contact to the six senses and the reason for that is that it's kind of like a fence to keep us in and specifically for us to say like not fall off a cliff you know so think of it as like a fence to help you stay contained so in the traditional Buddhist practice we have six senses I think most of you are probably aware of that, right? Eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, and mind. Traditionally, when you have contact with, say, the eye organ, then instead of just seeing the visible object, we have a tendency to what's called vedana, which means you kind of judge it, like or dislike.

[05:30]

And that arises out of memory, mostly, or a past experience. And then it's very quick. There's like, dislike, and I'm not sure. But we don't live in I'm not sure very much. But soon after that comes what's called papancha, which I love the translation because it's proliferation and that means the story goes on right I like it and therefore I want more or I need to have it or I like that person or whatever so the traditional practice is if you cut off where the chance of contact happens and then you're gonna save yourself suffering because the proliferation often causes suffering so In traditional practice, and definitely at Triklam, or the way they talk about it, mind you, I was only there for six months, and I don't speak Vietnamese, so I did not have long conversation with, well, I did with Sukkotwe, but not always about this kind of thing.

[06:41]

So in general, though, the ideas that were kept closed in that cliff so that we don't fall into the abyss of strong emotions right mainly hate and greed because then likely we will have possibly highly likely unwholesome actions so here's a the chanting the service that they do every day this is the english translation it does say for lay people but at the nunnery we did it and um And it's called the Ritual of the Repentance of the Sixth Sense Organs and Precept Recitation. They do it mostly in choki. Choki is when you're in sushu, but on your knees, on hardwood, well, tile floor. It was like this 84-year-old woman for the rain retreat who was like that for half an hour.

[07:43]

And I was like, my knees were killing, but she could do it. So first, there's an incense offering. Buddha praise, Dharma praise, the Heart Sutra, very Zen, then prostration to the Buddhas and patriarchs, and then the repentance of the six sense organs. And it starts out, similar to ours, with sincere and earnest hearts, we are repenting. From beginningless lives till today, we forgot our true nature and did not know the right path. falling into the three ways of suffering because of wrong perceptions from our six sense organs without repenting past mistakes, it is hard to avoid future regrets. And then it goes on. The eye karmas are like interest in evil things, disregarding good deeds. The ear karmas are hating to listen to the Dharma by saying evil, forgetting the true mind,

[08:45]

Pursuing outer form, the nose karmas, the tongue karmas. This is very interesting. Greedy and eating, tasting all types of food. Roasting and boiling all types of meat. Marinating fat meat with onion and garlic. These are sins, right? Telling lies, gossiping with forked tongues and bad words always coming up. Cursing the three jewels and blaming parents. cheating on everyone, accusing others by hiding one's own ignorance. This is interesting. Discussing history and commenting on everything. I think I've heard some of that. Boasting of wealth, insulting the poor, scaring away monks, cursing servants, hatred to everyone, insulting the country. And then it ends with what would happen, right? Such ignorance is unaccountable like sand.

[09:48]

After death, the offender's tongue will be pulled out, filled by a machine, and filled with melting copper. After paying off the debt, spending thousands of lives of suffering, before being reborn as a human. Even so, the offender will be mute. So, very strong. The body karmas subsets are killing, stealing, Adultery, I wanted to read this because it's pretty interesting. Adultery is defined as disregarding the sense of modesty, indulging in sexual expression, encountering beauties, boys and girls indulging in courting and dating, even in sacred places or monks' quarters. Such ignorances are the karmas of adultery. After death, the offender will be inundated with suffering. by being grilled on an iron bed or being roasted by hot bronze pillars. These karmas will follow and affect them for thousands of lives.

[10:52]

So interestingly, the karmas of perception subsets are greed, anger, ignorance, or delusion. So I only bring that up as an example of traditional practice. In fact, you know, when I said to Sukotoe, wow, these are really punitive, awful things. She said, yeah, mostly because it's traditional, and that's just what we chant. They chant in a Vietnamese that's based on Chinese, right? Kind of like we do Sino-Japanese. They chant like this Chinese Vietnamese that isn't spoken. And she said that they actually have a different version for their places in America. in Europe. So while it's true that in Buddhism, traditional practice also gives us the same sense. And really, we do it too, right? In Sashin or in practice period, we minimize chances of contact by, you know, not checking our emails, not making phone calls, not reading, not talking, eating what we're offered.

[12:05]

So we do it too. Now Gil Fransdale says that the Pali word for renunciation is ekema, the etymology of which means to go out or to go forth. So this is a different way of looking at it. And he said that in the traditional ancient commentaries, it's like you're enclosed in a dusty house and you're going into wide open spaces. So to my mind, that's a sense of confinement going into openness, and that's what renunciation. Our mind is confined because it's busy with discursive thoughts, and when we renunciate, we have a chance to experience openness, the spaciousness of mind. So you can think of renunciation as not what is lost,

[13:06]

for what is gained. Today, in particular, I'd like to talk a little bit more about renunciation of thoughts, not so much the renunciation of behavior. And I will say that when I did the two month at Spirit Rock, Carol Wilson gave a talk And she talked about the renunciation is really renunciation of thoughts. And I don't remember what she said about that, but it really always stuck with me, this idea, because most of us think about renunciation of things or behavior. But really, we come to practice to, or to Sheen in particular, to examine our mind and our patterns of thoughts, right? Now, I want to be clear that I'm not saying we're trying to stop thoughts, because as most of you know, Cattagiri Roshi said, the function of the mind is to secrete thoughts.

[14:11]

So that's just what it does naturally, and we're not here to stop it. We're here to give it space, to not grasp on or cling to our thoughts. And as Suzuki Roshi would say, he said, open the front door, and open the back door and let them, meaning the thoughts, come in and let them go out. I believe he also even said that we don't invite them to stay for tea, but we also don't shove them out the back door. So I'm actually gonna talk about a couple of very specific ways that we can do that. And I want to talk about an experience first, how if we relinquish, which is another word, right, for renunciation, discursive thoughts, which is mostly the thoughts we have, then how it can give us ease and joy or spaciousness.

[15:17]

So an experience I had was when I practiced with Seke Harada Roshi in Japan. We cleaned all the time. mostly because there's only 12 of us in the monastery, and the place has to be kept up. So, you know, we're always cleaning, weeding, sweeping, raking. And in Japan, they always, let's say this was the courtyard, you would always pick that spot. And they have very specific that you learn the patterns, and really it's so that Someone doesn't have to talk to you, so you always know this is the corner we start with, then we move to this corner, so then everyone cuts down on talking, right? So let's say this was a section you would always start on the edge and work towards each other, always. Whereas if the foreigners left to our own, we always pick our own spot and do our own thing.

[16:19]

But the Japanese way is really you pick a spot and everyone works. or it's each other, so we're working together, right? This section, then this section. So this one day, I was there for at least halfway through the Ango, so six weeks or so, and we were cleaning the outside of the Buddha Hall. I think it's a 500-year-old temple, monastery, and the walls are pretty rough. We were cleaning with, is Anna here? What's the name of the tea towels that we clean the floor with? I don't know David either. I think they're called kentons too. Basically a cotton thick towel. So we're cleaning it, and we take a section, and we work towards each other. And first I was having discursive thought of like, why are we using these cotton towels? Because a little bit of white lint was being left, you know? Because it's old, so it's rough, and it's outdoor, right? But I was like . and then you know i meet this um very senior nun in the middle and she said to me go over there and right away i thought why are you telling me i've been here six weeks i know what i'm doing you know and then right away i had this thought say what my thought was exactly um

[17:44]

I said, that's extra. I had a moment in which I realized that my thoughts of why are you telling me I know what I'm doing is extra because irregardless, my body, in fact, was already moving to the next section and cleaning. Do you understand? It's extra. All the thoughts we have about whether we like it, don't like it, whether we should be doing it, why are they talking to us in that tone? All that is extra because the task, not only does a task still have to do to be done, but within our practice, our body's already doing it. So all that is extra. And this is what I mean by discursive thoughts. And really, we spend, I think, Charlotte Joko Bekza, we spend 95% of our thoughts in discursive thoughts. Now, sometimes thoughts are useful, of course, to solve problem, but mostly we just let it run, and it causes, gives us usually anxiety and agitation, right?

[18:59]

It's agitation when I go, why do you say that to me? I know what I'm doing. That's just, right? So a place in which we can watch how we tend to have discursive thoughts is um in our practice so here's a um a quote from mal in a talk he gave called criticism in the realm of the absolute and relative when we go to another practice place sometimes we think what are they doing they're doing service all wrong critical comments come up and we get caught in small mind Small mind is continually creating this kind of critical attitude, and we fall for it. And then, when we fall for it, we lose our sense of humor and flexibility.

[20:00]

We contract, right? The other side is that it's easy for us to feel that we are doing something wrong. When we do something that's off, someone may correct us, but we turn that into a judgment called wrong. It's not necessarily that someone is telling us we did something wrong, but if we're doing something and someone says, no, that's not the way to do it, then we feel criticized. During Sashin, if someone corrects us because of the pressure and focus we can feel crushed. So these are the two sides, one of them of being crushed and the other crushing. We create the problem of right and wrong. There is a way to do things wherever we are.

[21:04]

The Japanese way is to cling towards each other, right? But when we start forcing the way to do things, then we fall into right and wrong. And the forcing is ourself, saying, I know what I'm doing. You don't. Or why do you tell me? I already know. So back to Mel. When we're sitting zazen, this is the unconditional realm, the realm of big mind, where there's no attachment to right and wrong, good and bad, where there is no judgment. Yet when we proceed to do something, there is a way to do something correctly, and a way to do something incorrectly. So we're operating in these two realms. In the realms of right and wrong, either a thing is correct or it is incorrect. But in suchness, or a big mind, everything is just as it is. Not right, not wrong, not good, not bad.

[22:06]

Simply as it is. Usually a task has to be done. When we sit sishin, We're sitting in the palm of suchness, even though within that suchness there is a right way and a wrong way. Both exist at the same time. And then here's the key. Just in between is where our complete activity takes place. Between right and wrong is where we can live. We have to be very careful. This is reflected in the Genjo Koan. Right here, right in this place, is where our practice of Genjo Koan arises, moment after moment. In each moment, we have to deal with the fact that everything is just as it is, and at the same time, there's a right way and a wrong way, a good way and a bad way. We have to see all this without getting stuck.

[23:09]

So what do we do? This is a koan of continuous practice, moment after moment. So now, I'm gonna give us a very, well, I want to invite you to a very specific practice of how we can watch this happening. Now, every day, we do what I'm gonna call The Zen wave. You know, it's kind of like at a sports event, you know, where the crowd waves like this, right? We do a Zen wave every day, do you know that? Many times a day. The first of which is when I come in and do the Jundo, right? After I bow at the altar or I bow to Blanche. Then, as I'm walking past, ideally, the first person

[24:11]

We put the hand up in gasho, then the next one, and the next one, right? And then it goes down once I pass. It's kind of a slow wave, but ideally it would go all the way around. So that's the first one. And then we do the reverse, and the doshi goes the other way. Now, the place in which we all can really watch it, and it's really pretty if we do it correctly, is oreoki right so when the nail board towel comes for instance starts with blanche she puts up her hand and i put up my hand in this case barbara kogan elizabeth right and then they bow oh so where our hands are up and got show and we're still sitting there then when that person bows then bow [...] now my experience for many many many years at tasajara was that i always had discursive thoughts about when that should happen usually they're late they're early the hand should go up do you know what i'm talking about some of you right so often

[25:40]

And I still do it now. In fact, the other day, I remember the Doshi was coming by and David put up his hand and Rosalie put up her hand and then Robert seemed to take a long time. And so, you know, then it was like, did he forget? Is his eyes closed? Should I wait? Do you know? And then finally I put up my hand and then he does. And then I'm like, oh, because my practice is to not have those thoughts. and just wait for when the hand goes up, this person, then mine. Right? And the same thing. I wait for them to bow, then I bow, right? So, I'm suggesting, I'm inviting whatever word works for you to practice that. One, you're gonna see all the judgment, the decision, the la [...] la, that will happen. And two, whether it becomes a point in which either that becomes really quiet probably it's not going to go away anytime soon but it becomes really quiet you know you're like oh robert didn't put up his hand you know and you don't react that's the key you don't react and can it come to the point in which

[27:05]

All I'm doing is putting my two hands together. No thought. No, is it right? Is it wrong? Is she wrong? Am I right? No discursive thought. And the reason for that, besides it looks really pretty, is that it will bring quiet. And with quiet will come ease. joy I guarantee it probably that's not a good thing to say in a Zen temple but I guarantee it all right so now this is a very specific thing and another way to work with that would be to take a period of Zazen and every in fact you know This happened at a practice period, Tassajara.

[28:07]

I actually don't remember the instruction specifically from the practice leader, but the way I interpreted it was that I labeled every thought, every emotion, every memory, every sense, perception, hurt, right, pain, pain, heat, heat, whatever it is. And whenever they arose, I used one word, fantasy. fantasy, and it's gentle, right? In the Pasana practice, you know, you could say noting, and it's like 5% of your mind. It's not like fantasy, fantasy, right? It's like fantasy, fantasy, fantasy. And I swear to you, after like two periods, I was just happy. I was so happy. And the reason is, you don't get caught in the papancha, right? The proliferation, that brings a lot of contraction. Because if you don't like it, you're going to contract.

[29:12]

If you like it, you're going to try to figure out how you can have more. When I first went to Tassajara, I read that somewhere. really regretful that I don't remember where I read it. I believe it was some nun. But the person said that when we renounce an ordination, it doesn't have to be ordination, but specifically, the person was saying, when we cut off our hair, for many people, that's a huge renunciation. And you know, in Thailand, The nuns also shave off their eyebrows. Someone told me the monks did too. I didn't get close enough to a monk to notice. But I did mine this time because when I was in Thailand, I met this woman from Costa Rica who had just been ordained a month at one of the retreats I was at.

[30:21]

And she said that even that, like everyone knows you shave your head right when you ordain, but shaving off the eyebrow was just that. much more like having to let go. Maybe it's because it's close to your face, which for many of us, most of us is our identity, right? And it did take me a moment, you know, when I went to shave this, I was like . So there is something to that. I just seem very clean, don't I? Maybe bright, I don't know. All right, so what this woman said that I read is that when we shave off our hair, we're renouncing sorrow and going towards joy. Isn't that so beautiful? So I'm asking you, in this container of sashim, we have lots of opportunity to renounce discursive thought because

[31:30]

it would lead you towards joy. Don't take my word for it. Try it. And so, may you be peaceful and at ease, and may you be happy. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[32:08]

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