So this practice is pretty difficult. And by now, it's the fourth day already. It surprises me, I think. We're just getting into the session already. It's the fourth day. I was just talking to the people at Tatsuhara about the calendar there, and we're planning a nine-day sashim for the middle of the practice period. Oh, good. Good. This is, I think, wonderful to have that time in the middle of the sashim where you kind of get lost. I can't quite remember what day it is anymore. First day, it's very clear. Second day. And it kind of fades out. What day is it anyhow? So this is conducive to just paying attention to the moment.

[01:08]

Just this breath. And as I was quoting Suzuki Rush yesterday, this breath is a big generalization really. practice of Zazen is much more precise than breath, this breath, or this moment. There are many, many, many moments. And those of you who are working with staying with the breath, notice that there are hundreds of opportunities in one out-breath to get carried away in some story. So there should be very fine attention to the breath and at the same time a field of awareness that's big enough for the stories.

[02:17]

So the stories can just be there and you don't need to do anything about them. Except to completely be honest. Be completely honest with them. honest with yourself in particular. So a long time ago in China, a young fellow who was interested in living that true life came and visited And Wei Nung said, where do you come from? And he said, I come from Mount Song. And Wei Nung asked, what is it that thus comes? And the young fellow did not know what to say to that.

[03:31]

So he... stayed and practiced with Wainong for a while. Sitting many sessions. Turned out to be about eight years later, he said, I came in one of his meetings with his teacher, Wainong, he said, I have some understanding. And, uh, Wei Nang said, what is it? And he said, to say it is a thing, it misses the mark. So this would be, to say it is a thing, it misses the mark. So he may have been at that moment recalling Vimalakirti's silence.

[04:31]

But Wainong did not let him off with that. And so he said, can it be made evident? And anyway, he said, I don't say that it cannot be made evident, but only that it cannot be defiled. cannot be defiled. So what was he doing? I wondered, what was he doing those eight years that he brought up this thought of defilement? So I imagine that he was working with defilements, that he was working with the notion of hindrances or obstructions. I remember before I came here to San Francisco Zen Center, I was traveling around the country, and I had this walking staff that I had made that I carried around, even though it was kind of awkward.

[05:53]

Bamboo. And so I was hitchhiking, but I didn't get it in the car. But I had written on various things, including no path, no obstacles. And it was my intention to regard whatever came up as an obstruction as the path itself. No path, no obstacles. So as you're sitting in Sashim, you may avail yourself of the ingenious practice of seeing whatever arises as an obstruction or as an obstacle to your practice.

[07:00]

Whatever arises, to see it as An object of your investigation has a place to inquire of something to see into. So this is not... I mean, so even if you're... So even if it's your distracted mind, that's an obstacle. Your distracted mind is a hindrance. So regarding your distracted mind then as the path. As an opening. It's not so unusual for people to realize when they are put right up against the wall that there's more space.

[08:06]

One of the reasons people enjoy rock climbing, little toe holds, little finger holds that you can hardly even see, but you can feel. You can just feel in a rock a little place that you can get a little finger hold. It will support you. And where it was impossible to move before, now you can move again, inching your way along. So there's this kind of feeling of intensity and intimacy with a rock. So many of you know the story of Edward Brown's baked potato. escapade at Tassajara but even if you know the story I'll tell it again this was a time at Tassajara when there were maybe a very it was a very minimal diet I know Ed talks about dealing with you know the various uh

[09:39]

limitations that people would place on him was zen macrobiotic but then for some reason then he decided to just kind of flaunt that right so he ordered potatoes and potatoes came even though the microbiotic group said potatoes are poison they are in the bitterly nightshade family right So that just means you don't eat the leaves. You don't eat the leaves of the potato. But anyway, so this was the first time they had potatoes at Tassar and they had baked potatoes many times for himself. So he figured, you know, it would take about an hour to eat the potatoes. And so during Sashin, he... Put them in the oven. And then when it was approaching time for the new meal, he checked the potatoes, which he thought would be just about done.

[10:52]

And they were as hard as a rock. And the clock was ticking, you know. And at that point he resented being a part of the tradition. of Zen where we serve the food on time at a particular time you know when the schedule says we serve the food it should be ready and he didn't know any way around that so the potatoes came out of the oven and they went into the serving the serving dishes and So this is the point I really admire Edward's practice, because he wondered how his teacher, Suzuki Roshi, was going to deal with the potato.

[11:53]

And so the Tenzo came into the back of his endo and watched. He knew these potatoes were impossible to eat. And so, his potatoes went into the first bowl, you know, the Buddha bowl. Plunk. You can kind of picture it, you know, sitting there. Nice and warm, I think, but... So Suzuki Roshi, I think, you know, we just use, in the Buddha bowl, we just use the spoon. We just use the spoon. So you... So you have to kind of slice through the potato with your spoon. And so Suzuki Roshi... So this is Edward telling the story. So Suzuki Roshi pressed on it with his spoon. And there was no give. A full potato, whole potato.

[12:57]

So Suzuki Roshi paused a little moment. And he sat down the spoon and he picked up his one chopstick. And he drilled a series of holes through the potato. And then he could take a spoon and inflate off a piece. And Edward taught, this is evidence, you know, of Suzuki Roshi's training and experience as a stonemason. Because you can break breaks if you drill a series of holes in a stone, you know, then you can break off a piece. So this is a It may have taken a little longer for lunch that day. But, you know, how to practice with obstructions. Sometimes, you know, someone might just say, well, this is impossible to eat and send it back. Please.

[14:02]

If you're in a restaurant or something and they serve you a baked potato like that, you'd probably send it back. But here, just staying right where you are and dealing with what you have, there are resources that come into play that you might not have even imagined. So traditionally in Buddhism we talk of five hindrances and you may become familiar with them in Sashin in various ways there are many many many forms of these hindrances but they can be grouped in categories according to five categories and the categories being desire aversion loss or torpor, drowsiness.

[15:09]

Or the opposite of that. Having a very excited mind. Restless, worried mind. And the shift is doubt. The kind of doubt that undermines your practice, when you feel like you don't see any way to even be there. So it's not so good to sit continuously with that kind of doubt that undermines you, your practice, your intention. So, you know, if you're in that kind of a stage, it may be better to get up and do something.

[16:15]

Get up and do walking meditation. To really be in touch with your body. To do some activity. So the first two kinds of hindrances have to do with desire or greed. and aversion. So, if you're sitting completely, if you're sitting completely still, upright, abiding in stillness, and then some desire arises, that desire carries you towards something else, away from where you are. And if you're sitting completely still and some aversion arises, you tend to shift.

[17:16]

It may be just a mental shift, but you may think that, but it's actually reflected in your body, your emotions. Maybe even just the slightest constriction, recoiling away from something. So even there, so if you've recoiled away from something and you find yourself now in some state of even slight distress, right? And you notice, okay, this is a hindrance. This is a hindrance of aversion, right? And you notice that. Right there is a place to wake up. If you start thinking, oh, I need to kind of get out of this or start thinking about criticizing yourself for having ill will towards someone, that actually is taking you farther from the path of meeting the obstruction, the hindrance, as the path.

[18:42]

So someone may wonder, you know, does this Azen really work? You know, I remember Katagiri sitting about right here, some years ago, saying, some years, many years ago, in 1972, I think, Azen, I didn't know when I came to America, I didn't know if Zazen would work for Americans. I didn't know. And he really had his doubts. At another time he also confessed that after spending a day with American Zen students, he'd go to his room and cry. Oh, I don't like these people. They're so rude.

[19:56]

They're so disrespectful. You know? They don't know how to behave. But then they would come back again and again. And so this time, this was Sashin, and then he said, I didn't think that, I wasn't, I didn't know if Sashin could work for Americans. But people I've come to Dugsan crying. So I know Sazen works. So this is not unusual in Sashim for people to be having some realization. that brings tears that you know that we have more time it's like those potatoes that went in the oven but didn't have enough time now you have enough time to soften up in the oven of session your usual defenses

[21:25]

which may be a busy mind so busy mind I don't have to I don't have to feel what I'm feeling I can think about what I'm supposed to be doing so the busy mind that takes you away can settle down and then you have a chance to feel your distress feel your suffering your body. Feel your suffering in your emotional being. And completely get to know it. Completely accept without diverting. Noticing that you're diverting and then accepting that you're diverting. Each time you accept the reality of your experience, you're deepening your practice and you're awakening your, say, true mind.

[22:40]

This practice really is the practice of complete, unsurpassed, enlightenment. If I say that, you might be misled, and you might think, oh, I want that. I want complete enlightenment. Reminds me of, I visited Hartford Street some years ago. I had a landscape business going, and I was consulting people on their gardens, and Issan invited me over. to consult with them about the garden at Hartford Street. And we were talking about whether there should be a more formal entry gate coming off the street. And I said, what's the purpose of this garden?

[23:58]

This entry guard. And without hesitation, he said, Anottara Samyak Samvodhi. And then he said, how about, he asked me, how about your work? And I said, the same. So we really felt, okay, this is... The reality of whatever we do in this garden is expressing a Buddhist enlightenment. We used to have the translation of the Heart Sutra where we kept in the phrase Anuttara Samyak Samhut. I think now it's translated something like complete perfect enlightenment. So it's a Sanskrit phrase that refers to complete unsurpassed enlightenment.

[25:10]

But that feeling of that being your intention right now is not something to think about that you'll want to have sometime in the future. But that right now this is your real intention to make This experience right now. The place that you wake up. That's all Buddha did, you know, just woke up. This week we're celebrating that. We're on succession. And you realize how difficult it is to wake up on each moment. It's even difficult to complete, have one complete in-breath and out-breath, fully awake.

[26:11]

And it's difficult with the pain that you feel in your body to not resist it. To clearly understand the differentiation between the pain and the fear you have about pain. So it's good to, you know, find some manageable posture, you know, so you don't damage your bones or your nerves. But whatever you do, it's not going to be comfortable all the time. And after a while, people usually find out, well, okay, if I ship this way, then I That only helps for a minute, you know. And I shift back this way and it only helps for another minute. So finally, I give up shifting around.

[27:20]

And see what it is to just not move. To not move towards anything, to not move away from anything. To notice that the mind is moving and let the mind continue to secrete its thoughts in stillness. Having a field of stillness, a peaceful field. a field of awakening that has room for whatever arises. I think I'll read, I'll copy that just a few phrases from.

[28:33]

I think it's good to confirm what we're doing with the various teachers of the past. See if it seems familiar. See if you're on track. These are a few sentences from Zheng Zhui Hongzhi. He lived in the... late 11th and early 12th century. And was actually the one who collected the stories and poems that go into the Book of Serenity. So, and this is from a translation in the book called Cultivating the Empty Field by Taigat Van Leiden, one of our Dharma brothers here.

[29:42]

For now, he's in Chicago. Leaving, I think I talked to him, I think they're just doing a three-day session this year. They're starting a new place, a new Zendo in Chicago. So anyway, Zengjue Hongzhi. we all have a clear, wondrously bright field from the beginning. Many lifetimes of misunderstanding come only from distrust, hindrance, and screens of confusion that we create in a scenario of isolation. Well, that's a powerful sentence right there. Many lifetimes of misunderstanding, misunderstanding, come only from distrust, hindrance, and screens of confusion that we create in a scenario of isolation.

[30:55]

So this scenario of isolation, this thought that you exist separate from Everything else is a basis for misunderstanding, misperceiving all of your experience. So it's very important to appreciate how you're supported moment by moment. So you don't get caught in it. living in a scenario of isolation it may help to remember that the very breath that you reach breath is a gift this is not something that is your possession this breath is not something that you can hold as your breath to say it's your breath is really not

[32:08]

The very air comes from many, many, many lifetimes of plants taking carbon dioxide, producing oxygen, balancing out the atmosphere. So you are just by breathing are interconnected, interwoven with this whole world of flora. So to recall that is just a reminder that if you think, oh, my breath, it's not quite right. Just for a moment, you have the use of this atmosphere in your lungs.

[33:15]

Taking it into your body. It's amazing, you know, how you can absorb it. Circulates through the body. How much your blood, the content of your blood is dependent upon the magnolia tree here in the courtyard. So he's just pointing out that there are it's characteristic of us to have many lifetimes of misunderstanding. And then this awakening that we talk about is to clarify these lifetimes of misunderstanding. So one of the classical descriptions of Shakyamuni Buddha's awakening is the notion of omniscience in the sense of knowing all lifetimes.

[34:30]

Knowing all lifetimes. And in the cosmology of ancient India, it's knowing all the previous rebirths. when you enter this practice of momentary awareness you know that you have in this body have experienced what you call this body it's changed so many times the cells that you have right now are not the same cells that you had when you were 5 years old or 15 years old you have lived many lifetimes And carrying in the body, you carry anything that you're holding on to from all of your lifetimes. So anything may come up in Sashin that you have been avoiding.

[35:39]

Avoiding knowledge of that particular lifetime which is carried in some way in your body. may just be a little twinge maybe a little knot in your shoulder a little knot in your shoulder may have all the information of a particular lifetime where you learned something very significant what you learned at that time maybe a cherished belief based on a misunderstanding. So it's hard to acknowledge, fully acknowledge any cherished belief, even if it's based on misperception, even if it's based on this fundamental notion that you're separate. So to fully be your awakened

[36:49]

to fully be your awakened body. It means cultivating this readiness at any time to just be present with whatever arises. But this may be, this moment is an opportunity for you to see the truth of some, say, previous lifetime. And appreciate it. Appreciate how it has actually supported you. Even things that are painful.

[37:52]

even people who have mistreated you and they come up and you feel like oh they are and you may have a scenario of separation right where someone is mistreating you and in an awakened moment realize your profound interconnection with them and feel genuine gratitude for them and then be able to completely forgive them which is a way of unburdening yourself of your let's say of your miserable attitude of righteousness I saw a bumper sticker that I thought was just brilliant that says, forgiveness is to stop hoping for a different past.

[39:16]

I only saw a bumper sticker once. That should be on every bumper. There are very few bumper stickers that are really helpful. But I thought, yeah. How much time do we spend hoping for a different past? Once you realize that, then it's easy to forget. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. I completely accept everything that's already happened. It's so difficult to do. It's so obvious, you know. Why not accept everything that's already happened? And yet it's difficult to do. You'll find, I'm sure, many thoughts involve going back and trying to change something that happened in the past.

[40:29]

What you can do is see what happened. Simply see it. You can see it in the present, viewed from now. This present has all of the past, right? The whole universe of the past is only known to you in this present. So this is the place where you have a chance to come to terms. And I appreciate that this previous lifetime is such a sweet, cherished, such a sweet part of your being now. you can you can love it you can even love that part of yourself that's in a knot a tangle about it and in that way then you're open to everyone else that's in the picture even the ones that are kind of hiding out in the

[42:07]

The dark corners of the picture. So then there's this kind of sweetness. The sweetened dew saturates all and harvests the truth. The sweetened dew of awakening saturates all, permeates everything. And wherever there's something that is an obstruction, some resistance, some hindrance,

[43:08]

See if you can not do anything about it. But stay with it. Stay present with it. Tonight, tomorrow morning, we recognize... The founder, Shinri Suzuki. Memorial service. Memorial services and annual. We do the annual monthly memorial with this. We do a bigger service tomorrow morning. We do it during that service time, mostly regular morning service time. We'll do the morning. We'll do the annual memorial service for Shinri Suzuki.

[44:15]

Shogaku Shinriya. The feeling that he conveyed was the feeling of continually renewing his practice. that everything that happened actually will be a reminder to renew his practice. So a complete practice on one moment, and then reading the next moment, renew practice. When he arrived here in 1959, which will be 50 years this coming year and we'll do some events throughout the year to commemorate his arrival on the 50th anniversary of his arrival which for me marks a significant turning of global human culture this little fellow arriving from Japan and setting foot here

[45:45]

and being open to the sincerity of unwashed hippies coming to Siddhartha and various other people including a group of older women who had been trying to study Buddhism but hadn't had any living a manifestation, a living teacher. Whoever it was that showed up, he was willing. Invite them to sit. Invite them to take up the practice. Just like traditionally, Shakyamuni Buddha would just say, come and see. Come and see. So this practice of turning over a new leaf, he said, I was looking at David Chadwick's book, Crooked Cucumber, and it says, Suzuki Rishi said, when I came to America, I resolved to turn over a new leaf.

[47:02]

So I think this is very important to understand. You don't know the result of your action. But if you have this result, turn over a new leaf, and you are willing to make a fresh vow, you can have some confidence that some good will come of it. So a million mistakes, a million moments of renewal. Please be willing to do that today. However many times it comes up, you know.

[48:12]

Give yourself that. Encourage one at two. Okay, now. Press start. I'll begin at one. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your practice.

[48:32]

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