I'm asking a few moments ago that if you could turn your cell phone either off or to airplane mode because it adversely affects our bandwidth and our audio and our screen. So please turn your phone to airplane mode or turn your phone on. Thank you so much. So just a heads up, the speaker will be over here in the chair.

[03:40]

So those of you on the Guna side, if you would be open to it, we'd like to fill it up this side of the Zenville. So as much as we can, we'll roll it this way. There are seats on the floor, and there's also up on the other top. Yes.

[04:42]

What were we saying? Thank you.

[12:18]

Good morning, everyone. It's great to be here on this rainy San Francisco day, and I hope that you all are as dry and as warm as possible. My name is Michael LaCourte. I am the CFO of San Francisco Zen Center and a resident priest here. And I am really happy to have all of you here, not just in person, but those of you that are out there online that are viewing us from the virtual world that is actual, the real world where you are at. So great to have you all here. Is there anybody here who's here for the very first time at San Francisco Zen Center for a talk? Welcome. It's great to have you here. Great to have you here. I saw two, three. a third person.

[13:20]

Great to have you here. It's great to have everyone here in our new Buddha Hall, which used to be upstairs. This is our sitting room, our Zendo, our sitting hall. And it's also our Buddha Hall. And this is also the weekend. We have a three-day weekend where it is the holiday on the 15th of Martin Luther King Jr. And not only is the 15th, but it's also one of the times where on Monday it actually falls exactly on his birthday, which sometimes it fluctuates, but this time it will be exactly on his birthday, on the 15th of January. So first I want to start off with a little story about bussing tables. Back in 1979, 1980, San Francisco Zen Center decided to start a restaurant called Green's Restaurant. one of the first vegetarian restaurants in San Francisco to make it down to have longevity, and it's still around today.

[14:26]

At that time, we had students come from here at night, and they would go in the evening, and they worked the evening shift, and they would bus tickets. And they would go and do things, at least sometimes the newer students would get this task, And as the story goes, the students were doing things very mindfully, very zen-like, as the stereotype is for zen. And they were bussing tables, and they were bussing two hands for each plate, right there in the bussing bin, and carried the bussing bin with the perfect posture, and what have you. And after a few days, we had to get the bussers together and say, look, are not doing things in a Zen way. Because we need to actually get these tables cleared, and it's taking forever, and that's actually not what the moment is calling for. This is not Zen.

[15:28]

The result of behaving a certain way and meeting the moment might provide you with the fruits of practice, which is a groundedness, a centeredness, a feeling of being in the moment. But the term zen is a verb. It's like being zen. Sometimes it means all you ever do is things that seem really calm and slow and quiet. And there's never a time for moving quickly or being more aggressive or speaking out or whatever, because that's not zen. Deep-centered equanimity comes from the practice of meeting of the moment. And this morning what I want to talk about is being willing to meet the moment as best we can. What the moment is actually asking for, what the times are asking for, in big ways and in small ways, the next conversation that you're in, the small moment when you are by yourself and no one will ever know whether or not you met the moment, what the moment was asking for, not to have cookie number five.

[16:34]

Now, cookie number one, maybe it's cookie time. That's great. Enjoy the cookie time. But cookie number 12, it's probably long past cookie time. What's the moment actually asking for? And that's the second way that I want to talk about in regard to getting into the life of Martin Luther King Jr. Because if there's one thing that his life so embodies is not seeking comfort, not just looking for what it is that will make me look good, not just not saying the thing because I don't want that person to be upset with me, but doing what the moment is actually asking for. Even if it means my safety, even if it means lack of friends, even if it means people being a little bit upset with me, what is the moment asking for in that small space? The space where no one will ever really know.

[17:37]

I have a difference between making a pretty good choice, a choice that looks like I'm a respectable person, I'm a nice person, I'm a good person, or actually what was being asked for in that moment. Now, Martin Luther King Jr. grows up in the South. He gets an education, goes to Morehouse University in Atlanta, and then he goes to a theological seminary in Pennsylvania and gets another bachelor's degree, and basically gets his theology degree, another bachelor's from Crozier in Pennsylvania. And he's already known as a speaker, he was in Morehouse, he was on a debate team, known for his oratory, and then he decides to pursue a PhD and goes to Boston. Now he's in the Northeast, and he's in Boston for four or five years, gets his PhD in systematic theology. And during that period of time, while he's in Boston,

[18:39]

He's also preaching and an assistant pastor at the 12th Baptist Church in Boston, a historic African-American church. In fact, infamously, in 1840, he split off from another older African-American church because they didn't feel that they were being vocal enough and outspoken enough about the situation of slavery. And so the 12th Baptist Church in Boston gets formed, and... This is a historic church, and then he is now an assistant pastor at this church, and he's getting his degree in systematic theology. Now, during this period of time, there's a lot of stuff rumbling down in the southern part of this country. And not to say that Boston didn't have a share of racism. I mean, if you read the biography of... You know, Bill Russell, who was a famous Boston Celtics basketball player and lived in Boston in the 60s and 70s, you know that Boston didn't have everything solved either.

[19:39]

But it was not like the Deep South during this period of time. Now you would think that if here you are an educated man, you have a great degree, you have great speaking ability, you're preaching in one of the most famous African American churches in the country, you would think that why would you necessarily need to do something else with your life and go throw yourself in harm's way? I mean, you could spend the next 50 years administering to the inner city, administering to young black youth. You could be preaching the word. You would be in a historic church. You could just stay right there at the 12th Baptist Church of Boston in the Roxbury neighborhood. And why not? You've got great life ahead of you. a respectable life. People will think, you know, highly of you. But there is a better choice to be made. Because in the 40s and 50s, there were lots of rumblings about things changing.

[20:45]

People like Fertwood Marshall trying court cases at the Supreme Court. He won 29 of 32 cases that he tried at the Supreme Court level. And one of them in 1946, it was Irene Morgan versus the state of Virginia. And that was the first one of the interstate busing where you couldn't necessarily tell a black person to go to the back of the bus. And he won that case in front of the Supreme Court. And, of course, that was largely ignored in the South, but it was on record. It was precedent. There were rumblings and things that were going on that said that times are changing. And as opposed to him staying there in Boston, in a respectable life, in a life that probably would have been comfortable, probably would have been well paid for, he chose to do something hard, something different. He decided to go back to the Deep South and put himself in harm's way.

[21:47]

And one of the first things that he did in 1955, he got his degree in 1955, his thesis was approved, He goes back to 1955 and joins the Montgomery Bus Boycott about another situation with Rosa Parks. Only this time he's talking about civil disobedience and about nonviolent disobedience. And there were members of the African American community at that time in the Deep South that were like, wait a sec, we're making some good progress with Thurgood Marshall, we're making some good progress with other things that are going on. why do we need to do something that's going to just piss everybody off? Let's not do that. And here he is taking the chance of now leading his comfortable life in Boston and going to a place where a lot of the white population is going to despise him, hate him. And then he also takes the opportunity to maybe even upset a good section of the African American community.

[22:52]

by not going down the path that they wanted to go down. And as we know what happened with Rosa Parks and how much of a landmark that was, how much of a stake in the ground that was, saying that you can't just pass laws in the North and then ignore them in the South. Here we've got something that happened in the South and we're going to actually have civil disobedience. We are actually going to speak out. We are actually going to have a boycott. We are going to put ourselves in harm's way. And then he forms the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, which basically was harnessing the power of the black churches in 1957, a couple of years later. And Billy Graham, one of the most beloved people in America, befriends him and starts supporting him. And now he's got a friendship with Billy Graham. And he starts collecting other powerful people, white people in power that are supporting him. And he's going down this path. In 1961, there was the Atlanta desegregation of lunch counters in schools.

[24:00]

He goes and puts himself on harm's way again. And then the very famous March to Washington, March on Washington for jobs and freedom in 1963, and that's where he has the famous I Have a Dream speech, which is called the I Have a Dream speech now, but if you were to look at his notes when he started the speech, it was not called the I Have a Dream speech. It was for equality and freedom. Basically, it was about jobs, and that's what that whole march was about, was about the equality of hiring and employment. And here he is trying to meet the moment. He is here back in the South. He's out of his comfortable life in Boston. Not that it would have been comfortable, but by comparison. And he's giving this speech that he's prepared. And one of his friends, Michaela Jackson, who was a gospel singer, who I believe was performing that day.

[25:01]

She was on stage behind him. There were six different speakers. And during his speech, he's talking and whatever. There's a lot of call and response, the way you find a lot in the Baptist church. And during this speech, you can hear it. You listen to the whole speech. There's a lot of activity from the audience. And one of them is Michaela Jackson. And she starts calling out, tell me about the dream. Tell about the dream. Now, he had a speech already prepared. And he could have just kept going. But the thing that people remember most is the section about the dream. And he just pimps right in that moment. And he hears what Michaela Jackson is saying to you. And he goes forward with the seven or eight stanzas that most people recite and remember that's You know, which ends with, you know, I have a dream that my four little children will one day be judged by the content of their character and not the color of their skin. Just the synopsis of what his entire cause was about.

[26:04]

And he comes up with this because in the moment, he's not going with necessarily what he was going to say, but he just goes with improv. And he keeps looking at what is being asked of me in this moment. Very soon after we got the Civil Rights Act in 1964, and then he goes to Selma, and now we have the Voting Act, and keeps putting himself in harm's way. Later in 1965, the Voting Act was passed, because they were down there. He was down there with John Lewis, another speaker, the youngest speaker at the March on Washington, who was running another student group out of Greensboro, North Carolina, and And they were trying to sign up people to vote in Selma, Alabama, and there were all sorts of harassment and stopping of that. So we had the very famous march to Montgomery from Selma trying to get across the bridge. And this is the first time national attention is actually brought, because now we have video cameras showing the abuse, showing the harassment, showing the hatred.

[27:12]

Putting himself in harm's way over and over again. At the end of that, he goes to, you know, Montgomery on the state capitol. Montgomery being the capitol of Alabama. And he basically has the speech with the famous line talking about how because the heart of the moral universe is won, but it bends toward justice. All of these things not actually possible if he stays in Boston. having an admirable life, making a good choice. And the Voting Rights Act was passed later in August of 1965. All springing from that. So you would think now, here's an individual who's gaining power, who is gaining influence, who is changing things, who is making a difference in the world.

[28:17]

Let's just keep going that way. And then the Vietnam War breaks out. And he's silent about this for more than a year, doesn't really say anything. And Thich Nhat Hanh, one of our beloved Buddhist monks who recently passed, writes him a letter and talks about the fact that his voice His voice is so needed in America right now about the Vietnam War. Now, he's already got enough people at this time that are enemies of him. He already has enough trouble. But why not talk about the Vietnam War? And so in 1967, in a very famous speech in New York, he actually does start talking about the Vietnam War and the protest. about the injustice of that. And for all the money that we might be spending on that, well, there is so much inequality in our own country.

[29:23]

And how can he support something that would put other, as he put it, little brown children in harm's way? And of course, what does this do? Well, he loses the support of Billy Graham. He loses the support of the Washington Post and the New York Times, and he starts losing a lot of white liberal America. He could have just kind of been like, I'm making enough of the difference with what I'm doing. Somebody else can speak out about the Vietnam War. I'm going to stay the path of making a difference. It's just too risky. But no, he speaks out. What was the appropriate response. Not seeking my personal comfort, not seeking my personal glory and fame, being willing to give away even the social capital that I've built up, because something is the right thing to do.

[30:29]

He had a cause to serve and to meet what the times were calling for. And this is essentially the Buddhist path. What are the times calling for? What is equanimity? What is balance? What is balance in this moment? What is meeting the moment? Bus and the tables, the moment is calling for me to move quickly. Sometimes the moment is calling for me to move slowly. The whole story of the Buddha is being born into opulence and then going to asceticism and almost killing himself and realizing you can get addicted to asceticism because you just basically just default to know for whatever it is. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do that. And that becomes an addiction or an obsession. Or you go to opulence and you try to make everything comfortable and keep tweaking your life. How comfortable can I make this? How convenient can I make that? That was not the path of the Buddha. The Buddha was doing the hard thing, which is using the discernment in each moment as the moment arises to try to meet the moment

[31:37]

And to try to see what the moment is asking of me with the next person that's in front of me. With the next small moment that I am navigating by myself in my house or my apartment that no one else will ever know. Where I'm putting my mind. Where I'm putting my time. What action I am actually taking. Balance is hard. Balance is hard. I always think of that machine that came out about 20 years ago called the Segway, you know, two-wheeled machine, and it balances itself. And the only way it does is that right in the core of the machine, there is this gyroscope where it, about a thousand times a second, goes left and right, forward and backward, and it just balances itself. Constantly balancing itself is what the Segway is doing. And so we're never actually in a frozen moment We're organic. We're moving. So we're never actually like a rock like, okay, I'm balanced and I'm never going to move.

[32:40]

Actually, we're just coming back into balance continuously. We're surfing, if you will. We're constantly trying to be with what the wave is asking us in this moment. And that takes discernment. That takes a willingness to be with what the moment is asking for. To be paying attention. Most people will never know what it is that I turn away from. That is the truth of being a human being. What I'm doing inside my head, how much I'm listening to you as you speak, how much I'm paying attention while I'm making my bed in the morning, how much I'm thinking about what is appropriate for my life versus what is comfortable for my life. The sentence that I'm not saying that is appropriate that needs to be said by somebody, but I'm not saying it because Why not let somebody else take all that heat? Ego and conflict are some of the hardest places to practice in the Buddhist life where my ego is at risk or people are going to think poorly of me or I'm going to have to deal with the fact that you don't like what I just said or did.

[33:56]

Those are some of the hardest moments. And I think of this moment that that I'll never forget. I was working in the Middle East in Amman, Jordan with a non-profit. And there was the head of these projects that I was working for. He was the head of the Middle Eastern Projects for this foundation. His name was Corey Erickson. And I used to go to his house for these meetings about once a week. And me and all the other volunteers would go to his house about once a week. And we would sit around his dining room table, and we would talk about what was going on with the different area that we were working in. And sometimes we'd have some debates, sometimes we'd have some arguments. Usually it was pretty cordial and friendly. But for whatever reason, me and Corey got into this argument. Corey was a very passionate person. He was also a very loving and warm person. And I just always thought the way that Corey met people and met moments was, just looking back at it, very Buddhist. He kind of had the ability to say what needed to be said and could give constructive feedback.

[35:03]

But he was a really warm person. For quite a reason, me and Cory get into this argument. And I forget what it was about. And then it turned kind of heated and a little bit personal. And I was like, you know, well, you're not listening to me. You don't understand me. And he's just like, you know, you're being disrespectful and you're blah, blah, blah, whatever. And you're making a mistake. And he got kind of heated and started saying some of the stuff that he didn't mean to say. And I did too. I'm only 21 years old. And I'm just like, I've just got to storm out of here. Make a point. So I got up and I stormed out and I slammed the door. And I was like, oh, shoot. walk down the wrong hallway. I'm in his bathroom. And there's all these other people around the table out there in the living room and I just really embarrassed myself. Oh, ego. And I'm just, what do I do now? What do I do now? I just had this heated exchange with Cory and I mad at him and I think he's grown and now I'm in his bathroom.

[36:09]

All right, I know what I'm going to do. I'm just going to count to three. I'm going to open the door. I'm going to walk really quickly. I'm going to go back down the hallway. I'm going to walk around the behind where everyone's sitting. I'm just going to go out the other side, slam the door, and walk home. It'll just take 10 seconds. I can make myself do this. And I walk out really quickly. And as soon as I walk into the room, Corey stands up. And he walks over. And he gets right in front of my face. And he puts his arms around my neck. And he says, Michael, I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I just so respect you, and the way I treated you, even though maybe some of the stuff I said, I meant the way I did it was disrespectful, I love you, and I think you are a valuable part of this project, please forgive me. Now, the culture that I came from, that's not how you settle the space. And most cultures, that's not how you learn to settle the space. And I just melted. By the time he was still talking, there were tears going out my face.

[37:09]

Being willing to meet what the moment asked for. I mean, Corey, I'm sure, was still a little bit upset with me, and he could have followed up with me two days later, or he calmed out, or whatever. But no. Right then. That's what the moment was asking for. Was to be there with me. And to actually do the hard thing. Put his ego aside. You know what it's like when you're mad at somebody, but to have an open stance toward them as opposed to this stance? That's a hard one. That's a hard one. Now, I'm not talking about personal safety and healthy boundaries, but I'm talking about those normal daily conflicts that you get into where people disagree with each other, they act unskillfully, and you're kind of mad. These things happen between human beings. And what is it like in the midst of that? to find an open stance, to find what the moment is asking for, and to just go through that pain, that emotional pain of, oh.

[38:16]

Doing the thing that is hard. If you've had the first cookie, maybe it's not cookie time anymore. And sometimes that can be really boring. Maybe I should find another analogy for the rest of the time. Difficulty career. But whatever it is for you, the thing that you feel like, yeah, I should do this. And that's a lot of what the practice is about is bring awareness to our situation so that then we can see what maybe the appropriate response is. And a lot of times in life we're really foggy about what maybe the ultimate response is. And that's the trick or the key. There is no ultimate response. It's a direction, not a destination. You just get better at it. And each moment is improv. Just like Martin Luther King Jr. of the March on Washington, it's improv. What the moment is asking for. And this moment, you might not be so great at, but life doesn't do you anything but improv.

[39:23]

So you just have to take your best stab at the moment as it's happening. And then you just go into the next moment. And if it was unskillful and you see that in your rearview mirror, then you get to practice moving through the difficult thing and saying, sorry about that. And moving through the thing that is difficult, moving through that pain. The thing that's really interesting about moving through difficult things, things we don't want to do but we think we should, is that in the last, I think, 18 months, some papers that have been published, more than two or three, I think more than five, If any of you ever listened to Andrew Huberman with the Huberman podcast, he's a neuroscientist at Stanford. And he had this thing on will and doing difficult things. And he identifies this part of the brain that they are now starting to study called the anterior mid-cingulate cortex. I mean, it could be called anything, but it's just, it's the area of the brain. I've had two cortices there.

[40:23]

And it's called the anterior mid-cingulate cortex. And there are two of them. You can put people through regimens where they weren't doing something, and then they had to do something really difficult over the course of three to six months, and you can actually notice that that section of the brain grows, and you can actually put someone in a really opulent life where they're not challenged, and you can pull everything away from them, and you can actually notice that it shrinks. You can actually start to measure this. It's a really interesting podcast from an interview about will. and about neuroscience, and being able to actually measure moving through the thing that is difficult, the thing that is hard. The Buddhist life is constantly asking, what is the moment asking for? And to come back into balance, to just meet the moment. And we start to grow. The more we are used to, the more that we

[41:26]

divorce ourselves from comfort. Comfort is great when you enjoy the thing that's happening right now. If the thing that's happening right now is the thing you enjoy, totally enjoy it. You don't have to eschew enjoyment in life. And when that moment is over, like, have you ever been in a situation where everyone is saying something that's funny and one person says something that's just and you start to laugh and it's a lot of fun to laugh and everyone's laughing and then somebody else says something that's also really funny and then you start laughing more and then someone else says something else that's even funnier and then you begin laughing more and then you really want to keep laughing and someone else tries to say something funny but it's not really that funny and then someone else tries to say something else that's maybe like okay okay Yeah, we're really trying to hold on to that moment, but the moment's gone.

[42:28]

The moment's gone. The momentum of polarity actually has to exist. It's done. And that's what we often try to do in life is to hold on too long and to grasp like we can own enjoyment in some sort of way. But learning to be with the thing that's difficult, you can actually grow a part of your brain through that sort of practice. through learning to be with the thing that is difficult, and learning the habit of just, okay, I know that if I say this, this person's not going to be happy with me, but I'm pretty sure it needs to be said. I'm going to do the most skillful job I can of saying the thing, and that I will deal with the consequences, and then just go through. The more you practice that sort of thing, the more that you start to realize that, wow, the world continues. And I made it through. And I continued. And nothing ended. And there's ways to actually breathe in the middle of saying something like that.

[43:33]

And you get used to just the whole flow of that. And how the body feels a little bit different. So here we are today celebrating a life that was largely about what is the moment asking for? And I'm willing to let go of that wonderful support that I get from the New York Times and the Washington Post and Billy Graham. I'm willing to let go of what could be a really respectable life in a northeast city in Boston. And I'm going to put myself in harm's way because that's what the moment is asking for. And it's hardly even imagined what things will be like on the other side. There's a certain faith that it takes realizing that I'm actually going to feel different and be different as I get used to meeting moments.

[44:38]

It's almost like if you had a 24th century tool belt. What would those tools be like? I can't even imagine it. But it's like if you were now as an adult trying to describe to your four-year-old self why it is that you should make mature adult choices. It's very difficult to spell that out. And the Buddhist path embraces the organic learning of just doing something simple, trying to meet the next moment. Because then you will organically live into what is appropriate. You will organically start to see where it is I should put my tongue in. my resources, organically start to see what it is that I should be doing. And we have teachers all around us who meet moments. Have you ever done that? Like, tried to look at somebody who meets a moment in a certain way, who has an ability that maybe you don't have, and just noticing the nuanced way in which they just show up and meet the moment.

[45:53]

A little bit later, we'll have Q&A, questions and answers, or questions, answers, and comments. And I always think of my teacher, Ryushin Paul Haller, and how he, no matter what anybody asks him, he usually leaves the person feeling like they ask the most brilliant question on the planet. And I'm just like, how does he do that? He's just like, you know. I think that this monk that I was with at Tassajara, from Japan and sat next to him for Tangario and for the whole practice period. He had these beautiful robes that he had gotten and he had already been to Mahiji for five years. He knew all this stuff inside and out. But he had this certain way of doing the forms where he would just meet the moment where as opposed to being, you know, I mean at the time I was brand new to practice and I was really trying to like memorizing it. When do I bow? When do I turn? How do I really want to perform and do it as quickly and as soon as we should do it, you know?

[46:59]

And he just seemed to be doing it with this grace and ease, like, I'm not going to be the first person in the song that's about the altar, but I'm not going to be the last. I'm just going to be right in the middle of everyone, continuously. And he never really stood out. It was like he was just kind of like flowing through all of us, just being with... display what was going on. And I was like, that, that right there, that's like, it's not just meeting the moment, but it's making me remember that meeting the moment isn't a destination. It's like it continues unfolded nuance of practice of how the moment can't possibly be met in all of its different technicolor and topography. There's so many different ways. And there's another monk, here in San Francisco, another monk raised in Japan, and I love the way that he embodies forms. And in his case, I noticed that he is so precise with clothing and with forms, and he's always just like spot on.

[48:13]

Like at all times, he just seems to be so precise But most people that I know are that precise and are that buttoned up come across as cold. And there's something about his eyes. He's always smiling. And he's always like makes everyone around him feel like we're just having a good time here. And this is great. And we're practicing Zen Buddhism. And these are the forms. And they're awesome. And there's something about the way that he embodies them that seems so human, that seems so Just like meeting what the moment is asking for, what the forms are asking for. The forms are only of any value when they help me study this body and this mind in this moment. Before that, there's a bunch of things people made out. And he's embodying that and showing me that. Hey, I can take this on as a practice container and I can do it with warmth, with joy. And I can do it in a way that makes you feel invited in too. Meeting the moment with full body, not just with what someone says, but how someone is actually going through the world.

[49:20]

What the moment was asking for. It wasn't just the decisions that Martin Luther King Jr. made. It was the way he spoke. It was his words and his word choice and his love and his warmth and his passion. It was a bodhisattva way to be burned up in this life, to use this life as something that is useful for the world and not a vessel to be preserved. Yes, it's great to get good sleep and to eat healthy and to exercise. Those are things that are brilliant to do, and there's plenty of opportunities to do those things. But the vessel itself, the whole reason for those things is to burn it up, is to give it in service to the world, motivated by a cause. The Bodhisattva way is to live in a certain way and to adopt these Zen principles, not so that me, Michael, can suffer less.

[50:24]

That's where I start with the practice in a small way, but so that I can actually be a gift to the world, so that I can have that emotional reservoir inside expanded a little bit, so that I have space to absorb the person next to me and their imperfections. without being totally overwhelmed because I'm so tight. In April of 1968, before he reached his 40th birthday, Martin Luther King Jr. was murdered. And almost as though he knew it, in Memphis the night before he gave a talk His last sermon was, I think, in February, back at the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, where he and his father, actually, had been co-pastors.

[51:26]

But this was in Memphis, and he gave a talk the night before. Before he flew to Memphis, there were some bomb threats to his airplane, and so there was a lot of scares going on. And he gave this talk, and I want to quote it, but just... a little piece of it. And he says, well, I don't know what will happen now, but we've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now because I've been to the mountaintop and I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place, but I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will and he's allowed me to go up to the mountain and I've looked over and I've seen the promised land. and I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land, so I'm happy tonight, and I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. That was the last public speech he gave before he was killed.

[52:35]

Bodhisattvas are servants, and they're looking to make an impact on the world, and it is never bigger. then the next moment you will meet. The next moment you will meet. That's what is being asked of me and of you. What is the moment asking for? Now that speech I was talking about, the sermon, his last sermon, that he gave in February of 1968, he talked about how we wanted to be remembered. And that's what I'm going to end with. And on Monday, I hope you do something to remember the example of what his life was about, what it symbolized. And to just think and to feel and to ground yourself in what a life lived in service of others can do on the planet.

[53:36]

This is from Martin Luther King Jr. 's last sermon. talking about a day in which he would be remembered at his funeral. I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question. I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry. I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked. I want you to say that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison. And I want you to say that I try to love and serve humanity. Yes. If you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for peace. I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shadow things will not matter. I don't have any money to leave behind. I won't have the fine luxurious things of life to leave behind.

[54:41]

But I just want to leave a committed life behind. So before you say something, Kevin, thank you. Just if you've been sitting for a while, why don't we just stand up and feel, you know, your body. I don't want people to be sitting for too long. If you want to stay seated, it's just fine. But if you also need to move and you need to walk out to the guy town or even walk around the block, please feel free. I don't want anyone to feel that their knees or their back or their neck or something is too... constrained in this environment. So we're going to do questions and answers and comments next, but please, if you do need to walk a little bit or feel your body, please feel free. I've been seated for almost an hour now. We have time for some questions and answers.

[56:08]

If you'd like to ask a question, please raise your hand, and I'll bring the microphone over to you. Thank you, Michael. It was a wonderful talk that you made. I want to ask you a really tough question in practice. Have you ever felt fear and terror so bad that he just wanted keep it all up, and not do this anymore. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I think that gets to the point of why this practice is so powerful, is that human beings are not stagnant when they go through arcs and waves, and days of feeling pretty good, and days of feeling like, how can I go on?

[57:10]

And also being realistic, because sometimes there's ways we can't serve. And just knowing that right now is time for refuge, and it's time for rejuvenation. And then being honest enough with myself to notice when refuge time is probably over, and I'm just kind of really enjoying it. But yeah, I have felt like stopping this practice many times. It's daunting to look into the abyss of what is yourself and to see the imperfections or even see the things that you've based your sections of your life on or big decisions on that you thought were 100% true and you realize, wow, there's some cracks in that foundation. Or maybe that's not even true at all. And that can be really emotionally unsettling. I think that's why the path is so powerful.

[58:13]

At the time the Buddha was, you know, talking about all of the ways in which to, you know, be with this moment, with what's going on, to be right here. Plato was writing the Allegory of the Cave in Greece. The allegory of the cave is about not wanting to look at monsters and being stuck in a cave and not wanting to go around the caved wall because you see the shadows of the monsters. And this common human experience of not wanting to face the thing that's scary. And of course in Plato's allegory of the cave, if finally somebody does go around the cave wall and sees that there's just a shadow being played up on the wall by a small animal or a little mouse or something. But around the wall it looks like this giant monster, you know, and everyone's got stories about it. So I've got stories in my head about these things that are scary that I don't like to look at.

[59:14]

And am I willing to sit in Zazen and to actually be with that scary monster, with that thing that's going on? And maybe something that's a little bit too heavy Well, maybe I do that morning just recite the love and kindness meditation in my head. Maybe I do just count my breath and that's the only thing that I do. But this practice is about that phenomenon when you were three and you thought there was a monster under the bed. And you just can make it worse by pulling the covers up higher and imagining how big the monster is. Or you get some courage and you get out of your bed and you run across the room and flick on the light and you stare under your bed with a flashlight. You realize that most of the monsters were in my head or they were bigger than I thought. Small. Sarah, you can go ahead.

[60:38]

Thank you for your wonderful talk, Michael. It was just very inspiring, bringing a perspective to Martin Luther King. It was very good to me. And I was reminded of last year, she said, when somebody asked him, who are your disciples? He said, those who are here for others are my disciples. And he really, he showed that his whole life, but particularly at the end of his life, when he knew he was dying, he spared everything. He did not think I'd know his wife really wanted to slow down, but he said, no, I have a little bit of time now to give to my students, and I am willing to do it as much as possible.

[61:41]

Perhaps a guy would have to be really taking care of himself, trying to preserve his body for as long as possible. very, very special for me to hear your words. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Jerry, and thank you for bringing Suzuki Roshi into my room and all that he did and gave in 12 very short years in the United States. It's really quite phenomenal to think about. Thank you for that remembrance. Thank you, Michael, for the talk. The thought that really came to mind was around your answer with the first question.

[62:45]

We talked about courage and finding the courage to meet the moment even when there's a lot of fear in that moment as well. Can you talk about what it takes to find that courage to bring that up even when you're afraid? Yeah. Finding the courage when you're afraid. So moments, I view them as like, there's little tiny moments and then there's like really big moments, you know. And I think that we practice for those really big moments in places like Zazen, places like doing the dishes and being with my dishes, as opposed to thinking about all the stuff I need to do today, or what I'm going to do when I get done doing the dishes or whatever, but to actually just be with that thing as they practice. So people come to the monastery and we give them a whole series of things to practice.

[63:48]

And without understanding the reason behind it, it can seem like just a whole bunch of obsessive things to do, but that's not it. It's actually teaching people how to be with the moment of making their bed, how to be with the moment of putting on their shoes without thinking of a whole bunch of other stuff, you know. I talk many times about how I love pizza. And at one point in my life, I realized in practice, I never just eat pizza. As much as I love pizza, I never just eat pizza. I eat pizza and listen to a podcast. I eat pizza and listen to music. I eat pizza and talk to my friend. I eat pizza and read the newspaper. But what is it to just, even with something that you love, be in the habit of just doing that and giving your attention to it? And the reasons that we do these things and we have the structures in the monastery to learn how to When I go to the bathroom, before I enter the door, I had this little gata out there on the wall. At what time in the day when you're more impatient when you have to use the restroom? But no, you actually stop. You use form. You have your two hands. You have your thumbs in.

[64:50]

You do this little bow forward. Just a little pause, reminding myself to be in the moment. And then I go into the restroom. The practice... of this with the small conversation that you get into with the person that maybe you find to be a little bit annoying, but, you know, you need to listen to them. How can I suspend judgment from my mind? How can I make space for them the way that I would a friend and really take in their words and be with them? Those small spaces are where we're practicing for the big moments, where we're afraid, where we're really scared, where we don't know if we have the courage. Where does that courage and will come from in the moment when we're scared? It's from practicing. It's from stepping through all those little, tiny, difficult, uncomfortable, annoying situations that aren't so huge. And that willingness is actually building the will. It's actually building the capacity so that when in a situation that is quite fearful, quite fraught with emotion,

[65:57]

maybe I will have a much better chance of showing up. And because it's on a continual, you'll always find situations that might be bigger than you. And then maybe you're like, okay, wow, I stayed in that conversation for 10 seconds. That was a win. And then you find an exit. I joke about exit sentences that you need to find. And my favorite exit sentence is like, you ever find somebody who's great at exit sentences where they will transition and say the thing and they're able to pivot out of the conversation? They always astound me. So I always think of like the most clunky exit sentence, because then it makes me laugh, and that is speaking of stuff. So you and I ran in an argument, you know, and I'm just like, oh, wow, 10 seconds. I was really with you for 10 seconds. Oh, no, I'm overwhelmed. I'm like, you know what, Trent, speaking of stuff, and then, you know, I changed the subject. But literally being able to be with those difficult situations comes from, I think, the practice. And that doesn't mean that if I get in a difficult situation and I'm not able to totally be skillful from A to Z, from the beginning of the conversation to the end, but then I'm not practicing.

[66:59]

But over time, I will notice how much more I start to meet those situations a little bit more, a little bit more. And then after those conversations are over, when I'm really, really disturbed inside, I will notice that the half-life of bother starts to actually increase. And the rate at which my father dissipates starts to actually shorten. And I'm like, wow, that used to ruin my entire day whenever I had a conversation like that. And I'm only going to be unfocused for half an hour. So these are the things that I think happen organically with the monastery and with our formal Zen practice, even if we don't live in a monastery. Time for one more question. How do you think about when you sort of fail to make a moment where you either have a date and you don't do the things you ought to do?

[68:02]

How do you, that next day, go about reading it again? Yeah, yeah. That's the beautiful, difficult, scary opportunity that I get often. And yeah, the thing in Zazen about the next thing that happens, you know, just keep coming back to next. And so that's our practice with Zazen. You count to ten, you follow your breath, and invariably you'll wander off the weeds and start thinking about a sandwich or something somebody said last week. And then what do you do? Well, you come back to breathe in one, breathe out one. And you don't waste one second bemoaning the fact that you were off there thinking about your sandwich or thinking about the thing that person said. Only thing, as soon as you realize it, it's just like, okay, what's the moment asking for?

[69:09]

The moment is now asking for me to come back to, breathe in one, breathe out one. So, because life is improv, we will not meet some moments in... some sort of scary way or I like to say it's almost like percentages like, you know, I'm at that moment by 3%. But really the far end of meeting is probably infinity. And so, yeah, it's like, yeah, I really didn't meet that moment. And then the next day I'm feeling discouraged. Well, it's just like I'm in Zazam where I'm like in my head almost quantifying, well, I keep just only getting to four today and I never get to ten. You know, how come I'm only getting to four? You know, Well, now I'm putting judgment into my zazen. Can I just let go of judgment? Can I let go of qualification? And can I just do the next thing? Breathe in one. Breathe out. And so, to me, zazen is practicing that very thing that you bring up. Because the only thing you can do is the next best thing that you can do.

[70:12]

And it's not that there's never any time to journal or analyze maybe how I do it or whatever. But by and large, to go forward day-to-day, moment-to-moment thing is just, okay, this is the next moment. I'm going to do my best. And to do it with total courage and hope and joy because you're just doing your best. Our intention equally extends to every man's place, with the true area of the world's way. In some like, nevertheless, I am not supposed to save them.

[71:19]

This illusion is not a very discrustable. I am a mad alumnus to a man. Don't worry about this. I am a mad alumnus to a man. [...] Good morning, everyone.

[73:14]

Thank you for coming today. For the talk, my name is Kevin. I'm the head of the Zendo Rear. I have a few announcements. As always, please come and practice with us. Although the building is, for the most part, closed, as you can see, the Zendo is open, the conference center is also open next door for events. We have daily Zazen here in the morning, starting at 5.40, and in the evening also starting at 5.40. You're always welcome to join us for Zazen. Please note that Monday, being marked of the King Day, the temple is closed, so there's no morning and evening Zazen that day. Zazen instruction next Saturday at 8.40 a.m. with Ellen. And there's also Zendo forms next Saturday at 11.20 with Ellen. So before the talk and also after the talk. The next I want to talk here is Wednesday night, the 17th. That will be with the show song, Victoria, Austin. The winter practice period here begins on January 24th, remotely led by Avic Makov on the Zen Precepts in Daily Life.

[74:23]

Registration is open until January 19th, and you can take part in that in-person or online or poll. We'll have a one-day sit. on January 27th, two weeks from today, at the Unity Church, which is just down the street here on page. Information is available on the website, and you can register on the website. So the one they said will not be here in the Zendoba at the Unity Church. This party night we have a film night here in the conference center, which is right next door, which you'll go to during this talk. The first film of this year is called Growing Out of America, Life After the Taliban. Director Isabel Solalaga, who used to live here at City Center, as well as Green Gulch. She's the director, she'll be here, as well as the main character in the movie. It's a documentary. I think they'll both be here. Screen the film and do Q&A at the 7 p.m. on Friday. I think that's almost filled up, so if you're interested in yelling, please register soon.

[75:25]

As always, please consider supporting San Francisco Zen Center. with your donations and your presence. There's a donation box for even the guides on. You can also make donations online to help sustain our practice here and all of our offerings. So we have a tea and cookies at the conference center next door. So we go out the doorway here on Laguna, like a right, go up Page Street, it's the very next building, and welcome for tea and cookies. And also, of course, to stay and mingle and check. Announcement from Burbank Gate Center. The difference is we meet on Saturdays,

[76:27]

and found Zen practitioners who want to take another step in training. Meet Saturday mornings at about 8.40, before things happen, to train in Dough and Rio rules. And then after, tea and cookies and downtime, we meet with Tonto Tim, who left in the conference center now. So if you're curious about joining this group of taking your practice a little deeper in training, I can ask you through our Google group, and we can talk more about it, or you can talk with Richard, or Sidney as well, other people who are in the group. And so, thanks. Again, thank you so much for comments about it. If you're able to, stay behind for a few moments and help us put the Zendo back together. That's always very appreciated. Have a great weekend.

[77:29]

Happy birthday to Martin Luther King. Thank you so much. All right. And let's go first.

[78:42]

Okay. Okay. Lovely. Thank you. Hi, Justin. Hi. How are you? Is there any? Oh, yeah. It's totally fine. I don't even hear any of that. Is that a little bit of buzz? Justin, Justin. Probation of testing.

[79:44]

Not hearing any bugs from here. Not hearing any bugs. I think this also comes from one particular speaker. It was coming from these two. They're on a wireless transmitter, so if human bodies actually transmit and amplify stuff. So I noticed when Michael put his hands together, it created a sort of loop, and it seemed to go right more. So yeah, I think. Maybe that was it. Maybe. Check in with Michael. I'm assuming they had an Apple Watch on. If that's possible, I'd probably have something to put in a velcro over here and just to slide it and just to hide this.

[80:55]

Because there are people sitting here, I think. Also, just... Yes. It's a... It's a... Yeah. [...]

[82:03]

We'll see. I know. I mean, I've seen you. It's a mistake. We weren't. It's super fun on this menu that I worked for you, though I am. I'm just going to sell it. You guys are not good for it, so that's it. Can you taste it? The speech is over there on that folder.

[83:28]

Oh, okay, so I'll do it again. No, I'm not. Do you neither? Um, how should I do it? You shouldn't talk about it. Yeah. It's about a second. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. What's it feel? I probably can put the Makugyo back.

[85:05]

of the wall. There's two things. I can't imagine what to do. Oh, there's two. Let's see what they're talking about. You guys are sitting here. Why don't you see the chest? Is it a similar process? Similar to this, a little bit simpler. Similar, a little bit simpler. We won't set up these two speakers on the front. We'll just use those two boxes. Should I shadow the camera? Yes.

[86:33]

The Wednesday night dark talk is also a good opportunity. Coming Wednesday, yeah. We'll start setting up right after evening service. All right. Thank you. I think what happened is you might probably went on the 6th instead of the 5th. And so my plan was just go up. On that, on that one, there's a whole lot of things. I'll keep that up. I'll keep that up. It's the right thing for you guys, right? Yeah, that's it. Okay, that's it. I heard those words before.

[87:34]

Yeah, it was amazing. I had Neil, I just thought he was kind of good with that, but it's different. It was the fear of myself over the spot again? Yeah. Yeah. That was a really scary difficult time. And, you know, the funny thing is, I think it would I couldn't respond directly to it again, but I just noticed how all the adults .

[88:44]

Michael's thing is on his chair. Did the cell phones being turned off help today? I think it did, yeah. The zoom stream looked noticeably clearer. There was a hole left there. A little bit of buzz we were getting. I think it was the Apple Watches. It was the Apple Watches? Wow. Yeah. Because we had the same thing. Same thing happening on Wednesday. Zachary also has an Apple Watch. And I noticed today that Michael does. Yeah, Michael does. And it got worse when he brought his arms in towards the microphone cable.

[90:19]

So we have to have people turn off their cell phones as well as their Apple. Yeah, I don't think the public's Apple Watches would make too much of it. I think it's, yeah, we just need to check in with the teachers. Yeah. You can stop because they're all sideways. I don't think they used to do this. I can't. Dude, I don't think they used to do this. Pretty glad for. As well as quite glad and very popular right with Margaret's again.

[91:23]

I don't know what that they are about this week. Chewbacca is so good. I heard it wasn't good. Yeah, I suppose so. May I care yesterday to say hello?

[92:46]

She has the flu. Oh, okay. As well as there is a COVID out there. Oh, really? She said a lot of people have flu or COVID. I guess bringing 80 people in from the outside were all for the tenser. Yeah. It's such a great photo. Yeah, really great. Yeah, and he didn't see it in the online broadcast. So it's dark black and white. It should have looked pretty well. where Tim has a band to be here to turn off on him. So I guess turn it, but get that back on as well as then.

[93:48]

He had it all queued up on his phone. And then I lost it all.

[93:52]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_83.43