Okay. [...] Thank you. So we have 18 faces here.

[01:12]

Welcome to those of you who have turned up online and welcome to those who turned up in person. I have ideas about what I'd like to present is an overarching notion of the path of practice and then present some description of what we did in the first semester and then what we would do in the second semester and maybe even leading into the third with Not so much. And then I would like to answer any questions you have about... Actually, you can interrupt me at any point.

[02:23]

Even if you want to say, I don't know what you're talking about. That's okay. I take that in a positive way. the challenge to articulate it in a new way. Is that okay? I think we're going to go to four, even though it says 4.30. And maybe we can even, I think at one point, I will describe it. I will answer your questions. And then we will either do some practice together or say, well, at a future date, we'll all sign up and then do it. Or we can just add a little bit in or a lot.

[03:31]

So about 20 years ago, I was at Tassajara, our formal monastery, and I was thinking, this setup, the Tassajara setup, I was there for the three months in the winter, three-month practice period, and I thought, this is an ideal setting for or practice. And then I was also thinking, but it's a rare few who actually have the time, the opportunity, and whatever else it takes to come here. And then I asked myself, what would it be like to take the essence

[04:37]

of a Tassahara practice period and bring it into everyday life. And of course, Tassahara is surrounded by 130,000 acres of wilderness. So unless you have a big yard, I don't think you'll be able to, you know, mimic that. But that being said, there is a way that practice enables us to meet our life and learn from the experiences we're having, both positive and negative. As we learn, we're learning both how to live a human life.

[05:46]

We're learning how to harmonize with the human life and harmonize with the conditions of the world and hopefully harmonize with the people within the world. And so I'd like to describe briefly. The first semester is about initiating. Given the Zen way, even if you've heard Zazen instruction a hundred times, listen to it again. with a certain openness, you can learn some more. You're welcome.

[06:51]

Oh, thank you. to initiate and then sometimes in a very formulaic way, set up in an environment conducive with practice. Like if you're a beginning sitter, we would ask you to just think, well, Where would I sit? Would I come to the Zen center? And most people can't come in the morning. Well, they could, but it would make a very long day. Where will I sit? When will I sit?

[07:58]

What kind of initiation process in terms of my sitting will I have? Will I do 108 prostrations or will I just sit down? Will I offer incense to Ganesh or will I bow to the Buddha, Shakyamuni Buddha? And is there someone I should tell? Oh, I should let my partner know that I'm going to sit in the corner and for a half hour and do nothing. So not to be alarmed. And is there some way my schedule has to adjust to open up the sitting time?

[09:00]

And I know some of you have been through that. And then establishing that and, you know, mostly it's experiential learning. So you just learn by doing. And the more you repeat it experientially, the more it sinks in. And then it becomes kind of normalized. You know, if you get up every day for a hundred days, then be who you are. If you get up three times in a hundred days, each one will be kind of unusual. This is not what I usually do.

[10:02]

And then when we establish something about sitting and we're learning experientially what awareness is. And then we start to try to interject into our daily activities, moments of awareness. And then over time, the moments of awareness, rather than feel like something abnormal or something interrupting me being me, they start to become inclusive in inviting all the strands of me being me into awareness. And as we do that, there's a growing capacity for intentionality.

[11:18]

Usually, who we are and how we're behaving is sort of run by our It's sort of run by our emotions, our habit energies, the context of the situation. And each of them has, each of those facets of our being has its own kind of world, you know? Like, when we're feeling generous, something in us influences us. When we're feeling annoyed and angry, something in us influences us.

[12:21]

And then there's a way in which when we're starting to establish awareness as part of who we are, we start to cultivate the capacity to notice. And we have both the intention and the capacity to add deliberate states of consciousness And so in the eight-week course, we spend about the first four weeks introducing awareness, extending awareness into other parts of our life. And then after about four weeks, of course, we're never done in our whole lifetime.

[13:36]

Not unless you're very dedicated and you go on and become a Buddha and completely enlightened. And then I think it's free. It just moves along by itself. And each day is a good day, as Yanmen said. And then we can introduce afterwards a month or a certain... familiarity, we can introduce ideas like the four Brahma Viharas. Compassion for ourselves and for others. Then a well-wishing. Then a sympathetic joy. And finally, an equanimity.

[14:37]

So can we intentionally get to the place where we can introduce those qualities intentionally? And so each week I write some suggested practices And they fall into two categories. Do it. And also reflect on what happens when you do it. And then in the last couple of weeks of the first semester, we looked at What kind of hindrances come up when you do it? And unless you've become fully enlightened, you're quite likely to run into all of them.

[15:50]

Desire, aversion, lethargy, low energy, anxiety, restlessness, and worry. And then the final one is doubt. But one of the underlying themes is that as you do it, you're starting to work with those hindrances Actually, the word in Pali means more like coverings. They cover up. It's like maybe we've all experienced moments when we're caught up in some behavior.

[16:55]

And it feels almost like a mystery. And why am I acting like this? We're covering up our motivations, our distress, our pain. And also by introducing healthy, and happy states of mind. You know, even when we're compassionate, there's a certain kind of appeal to being compassionate. I mean, there's also an appeal to being hostile, but that one usually draws us into a kind of bitter world, you know, It's almost like we're saying, well, I have to be hostile just to get on with my life.

[18:04]

It doesn't make us happy. When we show compassion for someone else, what's going on for this person that they're standing on the street corner weeping? Or whatever. Something in us, as we develop the four Brahma Viharas, something in us starts to discover a gentler demeanor towards our humaneness. And then we can turn towards the hindrances and start to relate to them in a different way.

[19:10]

Usually, our psychological makeup creates defenses so that we can limit our suffering. But those defenses, denial, suppression, compartmentalization, they don't really serve us. Our life becomes more mysterious. And why am I annoyed when I see someone walk across the street? So we start to soften up and loosen up the behaviors, the attitudes, the emotions of our being.

[20:14]

And then it helps us in two very significant ways. It helps us through loosening up. being available for feedback whether it's what we create internally or how we experience others in the world. And then also it helps us develop a certain kind of the four Brahma Viharas helps us to create a certain kind of within us, a certain kind of agency. It's a little bit like discovering, well, I can look at my desires and aversions without being discouraged.

[21:34]

I can start to look at them in a positive way. Oh, there's a teaching here. Someone said to me once, we were standing on the front steps, and he said, if I won a million dollars in the lottery, I would buy a certain kind of car. And I was stunned. You know, I grew up in an environment where we didn't even have cars. And I thought, well, I want something, but it's certainly not a big shiny car. That wanting within us, you know, Can we start to learn from it?

[22:40]

Can we be this sort of person that looks at who they are? So about the sixth or seventh class, I made a list of six ways of personal inquiry. One was psychological. And I find this, like, just asking myself, how does that serve me psychologically?

[23:45]

You know, if I'm getting mad at someone... on a psychological way, what's going on? And, you know, early Buddhism has lots of methodologies to exploring the self. But I think in the last hundred years, we've introduced what we call, you know, Taking the old Greek word, psyche, now we've turned it into a way to navigate aspect of our being that we call psychological. How does it serve me, psychological? Second one, I'm going to go through these quite quickly. Subjective intimacy and... self-exploration you know the demeanor I'm in the process of learning who I am and how I am and what makes me tick what makes me happy what makes me disappointed and then reflective practice either on the fly

[25:18]

Oh, what's going on that that disposition arises? Or... We can reflect on it. You know, we can sit down and take a moment and reflect on... Where's the happiness? Where's the sources of happiness in my life? Just anything. Each week I'll suggest reflections. I'll suggest activities, practices, and then reflections. And then cultivating mindfulness and compassion.

[26:21]

And seeing how that is. You know, my experience is that each of us is complex. You know, you think, okay, well, I will be compassionate. And then at times you are, and then at times you're not. You know? Or maybe we even think this is a kind of burden, you know, being compassionate. Or maybe you also at another time think how lovely. We are a multitude in our complexity. We are a multitude of responses. And as we can start to allow for that, and then classically in Buddhism, you start with the positives.

[27:38]

Because our mind is inclined, because it's painful, to start with the negatives. So it's a good training for us to start with the positives. we can take up the hindrances. And then classically, can we forgive ourselves for having hindrances? And it's an intimate process because in this process of bringing in awareness into our being, we tend to not hide out so much in our psychological defenses.

[28:43]

We tend to start admitting to ourselves who we are and how we are. And the practice of forgiveness. And then pretty soon... you discover that it's not just yourself you're forgiving, it's other people too. Or maybe it's the other way around. You forgive other people and then you think, well, maybe I shouldn't give myself a break too. And then the last one is inviting in the positive. like a deeper sense, like in the Mahayana Buddhism and practicing not simply for yourself, but for all beings. And so in the first semester, well, maybe I'll pause there and see if anyone has a question.

[29:59]

I was saying these are six strategies with which you can start to explore the self. I was giving a talk at Tassahara and I was rummaging around in my mind well what should I talk about and then that's what came out of me these six categories but someone had not only a recording going he had AI going too And he produced for me, my assistant, and he produced for me an AI summary of what I just talked about.

[31:13]

So that was AI summary, not yours. Is that right, what you just said? Well, actually, then I went through it and sort of fashioned it to my own taste. It's impressive sometimes. Etan's AI is very impressive. Yeah. And then sometimes, like ourselves, it's utterly wrong. And then sometimes it's impressively accurate, like ourselves. Does Buddhists believe in the God? You know, it's interesting. Does Buddhism believe there is a very gentle man up behind the clouds in a white robe and watching down and planning all of our lives?

[32:27]

No, it doesn't. But is there a life force within us that keeps this incredible being that we're all part of, that the whole universe is part of? I learned recently that people believe that God has your consciousness in your head and you forget what you want in certain things. Visualize what you want. I just realized the people online can't hear. Did you hear any of that? No. And the question was, what's God? And then the person who was mentioning it was saying, well, there's people who believe that God is your consciousness. Yeah.

[33:30]

Okay, any other? There's a question online from John. John can go ahead and unmute and ask the question. Go ahead, John. Thank you. I'll try to be brief. This is before you got to the six elements. You said something about a kind of a journaling practice. In the journaling practice, it was something like there's a... this is something I'm going to do, and then this is a reflection on what happened when I did that. So my question is... Let me just correct what I said, John. I said that each week I make a suggested practice, and it has two categories. And one category is doing, and then the other category... is reflecting on it. So please continue with your question.

[34:44]

My question is to try to relate this to the four nutriments that are usually elaborated by Thich Nhat Hanh. And the third nutriment, volition. So he says there's food, there's sense impressions, and then there's volition, like developing my desires in a wholesome way. I think that's what he means when he says, I'm trying to cultivate and digest my volitions themselves. That volition itself is a nutriment. So I'm wondering if that ties in with a sense of trying to cultivate healthy desires. So, oh, I notice when I do less time playing PlayStation and more time playing doing a particular mindfulness practice. For example, I'm changing my sense of myself that I feel good about or what I think is feeding me. You know, I mentioned when I was given that summary, I mentioned agency.

[35:50]

That as we start to make more sense to ourselves, about ourselves, and start to see the workings of who we are, and then it gives us a certain kind of agency. It's like when we're trying to tell ourselves, well, I'm perfect, my life's perfect, and everything I do is perfect, it's a difficult thing to keep persuading ourselves and keep finding within ourselves that perfection. Whereas if we have a notion, well, I'm all sorts of things in all sorts of ways.

[36:56]

In fact, it's amazingly varied. Then we can enter that with a certain kind of volition or a certain kind of agency because we're not bound by some limited notion of who we are. And very much in the Zen school, where we say, don't know, don't know mind. How are you going to respond to this? You don't have to know in advance. Just do it and see. So this process of creating volition or agency, as I was calling it. Thank you, John. Damon, would you like to say something? Thank you, Robert. Yeah, I mean, in the 80s, when I first read Beginner's Mind,

[38:03]

You know, I was very taken with the practice because the expectations were very low. It was said, sit with no gaining idea. And I feel like already in a half an hour, I've got all these goals I've got to achieve in this practice path. I'm feeling very intimidated. I don't feel like it's consistent with no gaining idea. And was there a question in there that you'd like to mention? Yeah. How can I be less intimidated by like, okay, I want to get good at the Brahma Viharas and getting rid of my hindrances. How can I just sort of relax and like say, you know what, those things may happen, but if they're not, then that's okay too. I don't fail the course. Yeah. And in fact, that relaxing... You know, when I was teaching this semester, and I reviewed my notes this morning, there was one place where I likened practice to learning how to swim.

[39:14]

You know, when you get in the water and you're thrashing around in some kind of desperate way, you just sink. When something in you relaxes, somehow the buoyancy of having a body, it becomes an ally rather than an enemy. And I do think that just relaxing does help us in that way as we're discovering how to be mindful and how to be present. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So that was the first semester. And that was the whole course too.

[40:18]

And then in the second semester, we deepen. You know, as I was saying, you know, it's an experiential learning So we learn through repetition. Hopefully, as we continue, we keep seeing who we are and we keep being able to experience it. And as we continue with those kinds of practices, our eye of practice I discovered that in a Dogen fascicle, that term, the eye of practice. Actually, what he said is, what we see is what our eye of practice can see at that time.

[41:23]

And when we're caught up in the hindrances They cover up. And when our mind is settled and attentive, then we see a lot more. OK. And so the second semester, we go deeper, and then I will introduce some more teachings. What I find helpful is that we... That often the early teachings are described in a way as... You know, they were formulated as the practices of renunciates who were either monks or nuns and who were...

[42:32]

living in a monastic setting. But the teachings there, they are valuable as a way to engage, but they need interpretation in our current environments. And to follow that one step more, I would say that each of us has the challenge of discovering appropriate practice for the conditions in which we find ourselves. And part of those conditions are internal and part of them are external. But with a certain kind of agency, we can ask ourselves, what's a skillful way to relate to this?

[43:39]

And it's a very different kind of question from the one we would ask when we're feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. when we're overwhelmed and discouraged, our environment internally and externally has become a burden. And so this exploration of how to approach the human condition and how to contact it deeply And in the process, learn deeply how to be human. That's the second semester. And then the third one is carry it into the world.

[45:00]

So what we could do now is you could ask more questions or we could sit for a while or if there's anything more that you would like me to talk about, I'd be happy to try to do that. Do you have more questions? Shall we sit for a while? Or is there something else you would like me to talk about? I have a question. How much of a semester do you think will be? It's interesting you would bring up doubt because one of the first things I was going to there's a teaching in early Buddhism that I was going to use as a starting off point and it's the first

[46:32]

five attributes of the spiritual path. And the first one is trust. You know, so in a way, diet and trust are... There's a kind of a binary there. You know, like I've been talking about agency. Well, agency... is a trust in our own capacity. When we doubt ourselves, well then we need all sorts of structure or conditions under which we're going to feel safe. And when we trust ourselves, it's like okay, I'll get in there and something will happen and I will respond.

[47:40]

Often what happens for us is there's a certain aspect of being that we find problematic And then we're doing the practice and we're learning something about agency. And part of the agency is in the service of opening up and admitting our doubt. So this wonderful complexity of the human condition. Or maybe it's this terrible aspect of the human condition.

[48:45]

Maybe on a good day, it's this wonderful aspect. And on a bad day, it's this terrible one. You know, diet, procrastination. they, in a certain disposition, they can have a certain appeal. How do I know I'm going to be able to handle what comes up? Yeah, it's a good question. But when you allow yourself, well, I will... I could be all sorts of responses. I could be speechless. I could be offended.

[49:46]

I could be ingeniously creative. I could be courageously engaging. And so, This kind of teaching, the teaching of gathering awareness is, yeah. And you probably are some version of all of those. That's really interesting to me because part of my thing is the doubt, you know, it takes a particular form and it actually comes up with all the possible reactions and all the I mean, I think that's what I do, right? It's just interesting. But I know that's not what you're talking about.

[50:46]

It's complicated. It's complicated. And then, will I be able to manage those complications? And if we say to ourselves, I have to be completely in control, well, then it's a very dangerous proposition because we're not completely in control of the world. We're just actually a participant in this amazing collaboration. So as I mentioned, I missed out on part one in the first trimester. So how would you recommend proceeding or would you recommend proceeding?

[51:47]

I know the videos are available online. They've made available for us as part one. So what option is to kind of do a crash course until October set up? Or in addition to that, or rather than watch, I mean, each of those videos is a full hour. But I wrote up summaries and suggested practices. I would encourage you to look at the summary, look at the suggested practices. And the nice thing about coming at it after it's been completed is you can see the arc of it, or as I was trying to describe, first you just handle the basics, then you try to cultivate a compassionate disposition for it, and then you acknowledge there's some resistance

[53:01]

you could try on for a week or or you could look through the reflections and think hmm that one doesn't appeal to me so much but I'd like to start with that one you know yeah but they're all there and and you you can access them in whenever you wish Any other thoughts or questions? Anyone online? So let's do this. Oh, I missed that. Sorry. Oh, there you are, Sophia. I was looking for a little golden hand. I know. Go ahead. Just a question. So EPP.

[54:12]

course number one, EPP course number two, which ends right at the end of this year. Will EPP three be in 2026? And do you have any sort of idea of dates or timeline for the third course? You know, I have to confess, I don't. But, you know, it will follow on, this number three will follow on from number two. And probably if that leaves us close to the holiday period, we'll wait until the other end of the holiday period. Okay. Thank you. But it's going to happen, right? It's going to happen. Oh, yay. Thank you, Paul. You're welcome. Malik, did you have a question? Please go ahead.

[55:15]

I think you just muted yourself. Can you hear me? Yes. Okay. Having a little trouble with my display, whether I'm on mute or not. I had a question. You've mentioned some terms from psychology, like defense mechanisms, and you mentioned that... we can use some of the tools from psychology to sort of bolster or translate some things from the polytext. I was just wondering, in the context of this course, what's the difference between psychology and dharma? The core meaning of Dharma is the truth of practice and the teachings that arise from that.

[56:31]

I would say psychology is, I think of going back to Freud, and his early explorations around the human mental, emotional condition and his formulations of that condition and the hindrances it brings up and how to treat it. And I think that's become our version of Abhidhamma that arose in early Buddhism. So they have quite different roots and in some ways they have quite different approaches.

[57:38]

Maybe another way to answer that would be that the Dharma is expounded in the service of liberation and awakening and that that would be held in contrast in the psychological world where we're looking at how to handle the complexities of human consciousness. And maybe it's even smaller than that. Maybe it's more detailed than that. The mental complexity of our being.

[58:48]

And I think awakening and liberation are going beyond any notions of mastering or succeeding that may be entailed in the psychological perspective. Okay? Thank you, yeah. So what we'll do is you can stand up, we'll take a short bathroom break, and then we'll do a guided meditation and then see whatever... you would like to do after that. So you can just stand up and loosen up a little bit and you're welcome to do that online.

[59:52]

There's restrooms out here you can use if you wish. This is the introduction. This is an informational session. So there are folks who are involved with NPP. There are also 22 people online. Thank you.

[61:14]

We're going to stand up and do a little stretching. Most of the people online haven't returned.

[66:25]

It's kind of a dilemma for us. Well, their cameras are still there, but... And then let's do this. We'll start with some simple stretches and the people online, well they can join in as they... We'll start with some simple stretches and then at a certain point I'll say, oh okay, now go down and sit on your cushion.

[67:31]

Do you know, is he still here? He is still here. I would be happy to go out and see if I can wrestle him up. Okay. He's in the restroom. He's in the restroom. You know, I've done yoga for many years and it has convinced me that since most of us don't get enough exercise, that we should build into our lives some kind of way of stretching and opening our bodies. You might want to think about ways you can associate certain poses with everyday things that people do and introduce them into the Course. Wow. Just an idea. It's like washing the dishes.

[68:41]

Do this pose. I love the hour-long video you have, but it's like too long. Oh, it is? I mean, I do it, but then I don't do it because it's too long, right? Yeah. Okay, if you can just get enough room for your Let me just close the door. If you can just start by bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet. Okay, and if you can pause, plant your feet.

[69:54]

And then I would suggest you do these as strenuous as is. for your body. And then you put your feet a little further apart. And then change direction. And then bring your feet back together. Actually bring them the whole way together. And bend at the knees. And then make a circle with your knees.

[71:13]

And again, do it in a way that works for your body. And then reverse direction. And then come up. And bring your arms up. stretch up as high as you can. Bring your arms back and then let them come down. It's like the arms and the shoulders come up and then the hands and the arms and the shoulders go back and down.

[72:29]

So as you do these, you kind of relax into them. Okay. And then the reverse. Bring your hands back. Bring them up. Stretch up. and then stretch forward, opening up between your shoulder blades. And then pause.

[73:48]

And bring both arms up. Stretch up. And then as you bend to the right, stretch up with your left arm so you can feel this stretch the whole way down. And then to the other side, stretch out with the right arm. And just move back and forth. And then let your arms come down. And then bring your awareness down to your feet.

[75:00]

Balance your weight on both feet. Let your body open up. Open up. between your groin and your throat. Widen the shoulders. But in an easeful way rather than a forcing way. Unlock your knees. your left hand on your abdomen, below your navel, your right hand in the middle of your chest. And then just put enough pressure on your body with your hands that you can feel your hands

[76:15]

And imagine how your body breathes when you're deeply asleep. Can you let something go so that the breath sort of deepens and fills the lungs and the diaphragm moves and the abdomen moves? The mind trusts the body to breathe by getting out of the way, letting it happen. And as you let the breath happen, in the same way, let the sign of the feintin happen.

[77:49]

And can you have the eyes half open? so that the sight can happen. Can you let that just happening, can you bring it to the cushion? Can you let your hands come down to your side and then slowly walk back to your seat? And you can sit on a cushion, you can sit on the chair, whatever works for your body.

[79:10]

We're gonna sit for about 20 minutes. And as you take your seat and arrange your body in the posture, can that of letting it happen. Can you let your body happen? Whatever physical sensations arise. Can you open up the front of your body?

[80:50]

Can you let it happen? Can you widen your shoulders? Not something you're obliging and forcing your body to do, but a kind of invitation to have an opening, a release. Can you attend to your body and have it neither leaning back or leaning forward, but just balanced in an upright position? Can you lay, if you haven't done so, lay the fingers of the left hand over the right hand.

[82:14]

The thumb tips lightly touching. And your thumb tips around your navel at that level. Not necessarily resting on your lap. the guidelines of finding your posture. Can they be an invitation, a discovery of what it is to embody being?

[83:24]

And then just exploring. What is it to let your face happen? What is it to let the breath happen? Nothing in particular needs to happen.

[85:09]

Nothing in particular needs to stop happening. and the inhale be allowed to happen.

[86:17]

The pause and the exhale allowed to happen. Trusting the body knows how to breathe. sounds just happen can even the thoughts just happen

[87:56]

Your being gets caught up in thinking. Just breathe the thinking in and breathe the thinking out. Letting the thinking be a chorus to just letting the breath happen. So a lot of what I was talking about in that guided meditation was the effort of Zazen.

[97:42]

Or maybe it would be better to say the non-effort of Zazen. But it's like, can you sit upright? without it being a demand on your being. Can you let the breath flow? There's a lot to be learned about effort from letting the inhale happen and letting the exhale happen and discovering that there's four phases to the breath. Inhale, pause, exhale, pause. The breath is very susceptible to our state of mind.

[98:54]

our emotions to our disposition can rather than be a mental creature can we be a physical creature in that the activity of mind is just something that happens to this physical creature. It cannot letting it happen be inclusive rather than exclusive. Can the splashing of the fighting just happen?

[99:57]

Can the tatami just happen? Zazen is the enactment of awakening. It's not a strategy by which we accomplish something, by which we attain something. It's more an enactment of something we were born being able to do, to be present. And interestingly, as we learn to breathe, when we come out of the womb and as we learn to breathe, we do that deep breath.

[101:14]

Or that deep breath does our body and does our mind. to let the being of Zazen perfume your life and guide you as you engage some aspect of your being, some aspect of your activities, how you meet and greet others. how you make your decisions as to how to live. Can there be, in all of those activities, can there be a sense of

[102:35]

relaxing into it, immersing in it. And of course, the sensibilities of this way of talking, what it's promoting, is not something we figure out. Your mind could figure out, have its ideas about figuring out how the tatami feels. But actually, feeling the tatami is the direct experiencing of tatami.

[103:41]

If that brings up any questions for you as to what you would like to include in this course or any understandings you have about it or ambitions. Ilona, would you like to ask a question? Yes. Hello. Well, it's not exactly related to what you were just talking about, but as you were speaking about, I remember something that I've been wanting to ask. I, you know, I've been going to the Zen Center, like, so I started where two years ago, and then I stopped practicing because of some trauma and things like that. And then I...

[104:54]

started going and practicing again with the establishing Path to Practice 1. And then, like, things came up again related to trauma. And I think it's like when you clear your mind, you can actually start processing things, which, as I understand, it's the path to healing. So it's like it's a good thing, but then it made it very difficult for me to, like, at some point, because I always liked meditating, But then I started having difficulty, like, just sitting down, and I think that's, like, a hindrance for me, and, like, a big obstacle to continue practicing. And then I saw, like, well, it's meme, I guess, online, but it's, you know, those things are taken from, like, quotes, I guess, from... you know, maybe therapists or spiritual teachers, and says, like, when your nervous system is wired for urgency, rest can feel like a risk. Stillness can stir anxiety.

[105:56]

Silence can sound like danger. Slowing down might occur at first, but it's actually how you heal. So this is, like, my main issue with practice. So this really kind of explains my difficulty with sitting. So is there anything, I mean, I know, like you, I, from what I, the answer I can come up with and probably heard you talk about or something, you have to like sit through those feelings. So is there anything you can suggest or, you know, anything you can say about that? Do you know the teachings of David Trelevin? Have you heard of that person? No. He wrote a wonderful book called Mindfulness for Trauma. That's not the title he gave it. I think the title he gave it was Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness.

[107:02]

But what he's talking about, he said in his book, one of the examples he offers is When you ask someone who's traumatized to just lie down on the grind and relax, that may be an anxiety-inducing experience. Yes. So I would say to you, approach with care and because letting the body breathe may or may not be comforting and it may not be an opening to a restful and reassuring way to be the challenge is

[108:12]

to build the trust and the agency, the way you trust yourself to take on what you're experiencing. To be careful, to be gentle, to meet it in a way that's healthy for you and to discover what that way is because someone like me may say something like let your body breathe and think that's a soothing comment but for you It may feel like a very dangerous notion. So the process of discovery for you is quite likely to be influenced by your trauma.

[109:31]

Physically. Physically. even the hormones flowing through your body, you know, it may have a pronounced effect. Yeah. But to find the practices that work for you. And... And to be patient and gentle with yourself. And I would encourage, it's quite a straightforward book, the book David Trelevin wrote. If you just add in his name, David Trelevin, Trauma, you'll find the book. Yeah, I see it here.

[110:36]

It was put in the chat. There's a link, so thank you. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, and that was, like, the reason. I don't know if you noticed that I stopped coming to the part one. But what I have been continually doing, and instead of, like, actually sitting, that's been more easier for me. And when you say hormones, I know I have, like, cortisol. Um, like I started getting like hives and itching, like all these things that I looked up. It's like, I think it's high cortisol. Um, but I think the type of practice, which is helpful and maybe you will, you know, we can, you, we would look into that.

[111:37]

Um, but more detail in part two, um, if you can talk about that, um, it's more like, um, just being mindful instead of like sitting practice. which it helps because I think sometimes you sit and then as soon as you're done sitting and meditating, you get up and like your mind is just all over the place again. But I've been trying to, when I stopped sitting, been trying to just practice mindfulness, just being very present and like in the moment while just doing things, regular things, like feeling my body, just all those things that you do when you're sitting, but like in everyday activity. So, you know, getting better at that and learning maybe some techniques and things like that. Maybe that's what we'll do in part two. I think that's the main thing I've been focusing on. And I still try to sit here and there. Sometimes it's like difficult and I just get up. I sit and try to relax and there's like this surge of almost like energy.

[112:41]

Like I'm supposed to run and like I just can't sit still. But I still try to practice mindfulness throughout the day and kind of remember to like, chicken, where is my mind? Yeah. Yeah. It might be helpful to explore mindful movement. I was a segue from mindful movement into sitting practice. that way of keeping the body moving, keeping the body opening might be helpful. And I think that's part of the challenge is to discover what's helpful and what's not and to trust yourself with your own response.

[113:45]

Okay, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Any questions here? I was actually sitting over there waiting for you guys. What were you guys? Kevin this morning said that the Star Careers had been there. He did? Maybe it was a misunderstanding, but I've been angry. I'm really glad that I jumped when I did during meditation. And I found the gutting is very helpful. I have... I'm sure you've never heard of this in my practitioner before, but I have a very self-critical mind. So at any rate, what I find myself doing is constantly evaluating my education at the same time.

[114:58]

So I have that, and then various instructions to justice up for his. And then all these stories, who went to the second establishment that had a number of women named Dr. Kate Michelle and Ms. Robloff hung up and asked if it was in the shower. I could wonder what Ms. Robloff she was dancing. And the people who were horrified and when Anita came out, She said, well, what she did is incredibly proud, and that has really helped her evolution. And so when I'm being critical, I think of that story again.

[116:09]

You see that? The first comment I'd like to make is that there are different little stories, not quite the same as that, but similar in about the effects of putting on the robe. And the intrigue that comes up for me in relationship to that is how does that play out? I think when we put on a certain mental disposition, when we

[117:13]

put on a certain situation. Even sitting in meditation pose is a kind of clothing or influential disposition. That story says to me, I hadn't heard that version of that story, and says to me that when we're open, we can be positively influenced by lots of things. And that's what I was trying to bring into the meditation, you know. We can think of the sign of the fighting as a nuisance.

[118:14]

Well, it's disturbing me. It's disturbing my quiet. Or we can think of it as a kind of positive contribution to presence. And to me, that would be the core of these stories. What contributes to presence? Suzuki Roshi, I've been told, is that one of his favorite movies was this soldier is trying to escape from Burma. There was a war on, a Burmese war. And so he dresses up as a monk. And then he has to go across Burma, walk across Burma. to escape from the war. And when people see him in a robe and think he is a monk, then there's all this veneration offered to him.

[119:24]

And he has many experiences, but by the time he has reached the other side of Burma, he is a monk. But other people responded in a way that opened him up to embracing it. Yeah. Any other questions? Unfortunately, there's lots of language that says he, being the masculine pronoun, sits down and attains this.

[120:37]

something that makes him special. And how we translate the early canon, you know, the early teachings of Buddha, we can find that in there in the English translations. But more it's, as Dogen said, Forgetting the self. To forget the self. To study the self is to forget the self. Get into the details of how your body feels, how your mind is behaving, how the interplay of self and other. And just forget that you should be accomplishing something or attaining something or competing with someone else.

[121:51]

Can this kind of trying to build up some kind of edifice of self Can that just be quietly set aside? And can something else come forth? And to sit with that kind of disposition. Deirdre, did you have a question or comment? Hi, I have a... Hi, I'm so happy to see you and thank you for this.

[122:59]

I'm just going to lower my... I don't... I have a sort of half-formulated... It's not really a question. I'm not sure what it is. Kind of a question. I keep on thinking I know the answers. I keep looking everything up. And I have this kind of recurrent glimmer of this image from a prayer I do every morning as part of an homage, you know, devotional practice. And it involves acting hard to protect me from the eight great dangers, including they're embodied in various metaphors, elephants of ignorance, lions of pride, snakes, serpents of jealousy, and then fires of anger, floods of craving, false imprisonment of avarice, thieves of false thieves.

[124:06]

And then the last one is the one I keep coming back to, flesh-eating ghouls of doubt. Flesh-eating ghouls of doubt. And in this morning... prayer, which is part of a 12-step program that I do, asking for help, so not to assume that I have power over everything, which I know I don't. I think of it as fear, but when I was looking at the relationship between doubt and fear, they're both hindrances, yes, and that's according to Google, AI, but I'm wondering what you would say about the relationship between And just to put this in concrete terms, I'm going to a family gathering next weekend in Santa Barbara. I'm living in Toronto, as you know, and I'm feeling a lot of apprehension just because politically, some of them are very different from me and I don't know, I don't feel safe.

[125:08]

Let's just put it that way. So it brings up some fear, but I know I'm safe because I do have faith and I have my practice. and I can come back to it over and over again. What would you say is the relationship between... As you can tell, this isn't really a formulated question. I'm just wondering if you have any of your thoughts on this. You know, as you were going through those, you know, the dangers that we're capable of as humans... you know envy pride of course we are capable of them and but to overdo the kind of that approach to liberation we can overdo it

[126:18]

And then it brings up a kind of fear. Whereas if we cultivate compassion, if we cultivate forgiveness, if we cultivate patience, then internally and internally And in the world, we can start to feel safer. And of course, family gatherings can be evocative for us. Who knows who's going to bring up some old grudge? But, you know, families are an amazing event.

[127:27]

They can be rife with old grudges and hurts, but they're all held together with a certain kind of loving connection. As I was saying earlier, you know, we're complex creatures. all of those are in there. I think it's a skillful strategy to cultivate the forgiveness, the compassion, the love in contrast to pointing out the shortcomings, whether we're pointing out our own shortcomings, so-called shortcomings, or somebody else's shortcomings.

[128:31]

And I would encourage you to think each person is bringing themselves Sometimes experiencing ourselves is a painful thing. Can we find ways to nourish ourselves? That's part of the path to You know, sometimes we beat up on ourselves and then compensate by some kind of self-indulgence. You know, they both have their own burden that they place on us.

[129:47]

But usually we have to feel our way into the positive. We can't demand it of ourselves. It has to be sort of coaxed along. Okay, thank you. Thank you. Anything else? Any other questions online or in person? I would offer you this in closing. I would offer you this kind of inquiry.

[130:53]

What have you heard in the last couple of hours that would be worth remembering? And could you just take a moment in a shorthand way and acknowledge it? And of course, maybe there's something worth forgetting. Well, that too. Maybe at some point you think, oh, I have to be perfect. Well, I would say that's worth forgetting. Or this is a competition. I would say that's worth forgetting too. But just take a moment close your eyes and think, what did I get out of that that's worth reminding myself of?

[132:03]

So thank you for coming to this introduction and hope to see you signing up and hope to see you in the groups that we create. So thank you and thank you here. And if you want to be helpful, you could probably put the cushions back on the shelves. And thank you for those of you who joined online. Bye-bye. Much love to you all. Especially you, Katrina. Thank you. Dearest Dharma sister.

[133:40]

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