Good evening, everyone. I hope you can hear me well. Give me a thumbs up just so I know. Excellent. So I want to welcome you all again to our Tuesday evening online practice session. It's always a joy and an honor to be with you all of you. And for anyone who might be new to these sessions, just a brief recap of what usually happens during this time together. So we'll be beginning with about a 20-minute or so period of Zazen or assignment meditation. And I usually offer a few kind of guiding words at the beginning in order to kind of support those who are near to enter in and settle into the silence. And I'll begin the period of meditation with ringing a bell three times and then end the period with just one bell. And after that period of meditation, I'll offer what I call a dharmat or a brief dharma encouragement.

[01:30]

Now we'll go on for 15 minutes or so. And then we'll open up the floor to anyone who wants to bring anything forward, anything that has either came up for you during your meditation, during the doormat or from your practice during the week. So that's the kind of overall flow of the evening with the goal to end around 6.30 or so, which is, of course, specific time. So why don't we begin with our meditation and just go right in to it. I want to invite you all to find a upright sitting posture. or if you need to, a laying down posture, depending on what your body's particular needs are. But basically, find a posture in which you can be attentive, alert, a sense of openness and relaxed, and grounded, settled into right where you are.

[02:33]

And so I'm going to invite you during the meditation to give yourself over to both a physical and a mental posture that's really attentive and get relaxed. And I'll ring the bell three times. And as I do, allow your awareness to gently accompany the sound of the bell, the vibration of the sound. Ring the bell again as you do. Just allow your senses to come back into the body, to feel the vibration of the sound in your body as it passes through. Continuing sitting upright, relaxed, grounded.

[03:52]

Just a sense of the body's weight. And allow the sound again to resonate through your body. And then with that same attentiveness you gave to the sound of the bell and the way that that sound was known throughout your mind body, allowing it to kind of settle and relax a little bit more deeply. And having made contact with the sound of the bell, now I invite you to make contact with and become aware of the present moment. Connecting with your present moment experience.

[04:56]

Relaxing and opening into the experience as best you can. As we do this, we're gathering our attention from our day's activities, bringing it here and allowing it to apply it in this present momentary experience. Just this right here. helpful, you might wish to use the breath as a touchstone, either at the very beginning or throughout your meditation, allowing awareness of the breath to, awareness itself to generally accompany the rhythm of breathing in and breathing out. So then breathing in, being worthy in-breath, and then breathing out, being a worthy out-breath.

[06:02]

And sometimes you can begin by taking three deep intentional breaths, breathing in fully. And then with the out breath, simply relaxing and settling a little bit more deeply into the body, into this where you're sitting, into this present moment. Breathing in, taking a long, deep inhale. and then breathing out, relaxing. Breathing in, giving a long, deep inhale, and running out breath, relaxing. And then just letting awareness of the breath continue as it unfolds in its own natural rhythm.

[07:08]

No need to control it anymore. Simply following it with awareness. Setting the intention to be with the breath. Either the sound of the breath, the felt sensation of the breath, or anything else that helps you to stay here and present with the direct experience of the now. Maybe after a period of time, you might allow the breath to kind of recede to the background of awareness. Simply ask with an open curiosity, what's happening now?

[08:18]

What's happening now in my experience? thoughts, feelings, or body sensations, or other phenomena that might be present. Simply noticing. Being with our experience as completely as we can. Even if it's uncomfortable, irritating, Whatever might be arising in this moment, what is it to welcome it, to receive it, to acknowledge it, allow it to make itself known for a period of time, and then pass away, as all things do? And if we find our mind wandering,

[09:32]

away from the present moments, or away from our thoughts, or sorry, away from our breath, if we were using our breath as a touchstone, simply noticing that this has happened. This is a moment of waking up. To come back to the present moment, we reset our intention, establishing presence once more, by being with the breath, being with direct experience, however it may be showing itself to us. Be noticing what's going on for us.

[10:34]

happening now? Can I allow myself to be with this experience just as it is, without needing to change it and make it different in any way? Can I allow myself to experience the experience that's being experienced? just as it is. Allow it to make itself known, to reverberate through us like a small ripple through water or the wind in the sky without grabbing onto it or identifying it or trying to fix it. allowing all experience to flow through us.

[11:40]

This is clouds passing through a wide open boundless sky. Can we allow our awareness just to be this wide open sky Deceiving, allowing, and letting all things pass. Staying present with the immediate experience. And simply resting in awareness and silence. continuing in this way. Thank you, everyone.

[28:17]

We're sitting together again in this way. And as we transition into the dharma, I want to invite you just to stay sitting comfortably. And if you will, indulge me for a moment as I play a song. I'm going to do something a little novel today. And I hope you will be able to hear this and enjoy this. And if you have difficulty hearing it, please let me know. But I'm thinking my computer sound sharing skills will work, and we will see what happens. So. Hey, what's up, man? What's up? That's just a good recording, man. I dig it. Stop right on. Stop right on. Mother, mother There's too many of you crying Brother, brother, brother There's far too many of you dying You know we've got to find a way To bring some lovin' here today Yeah, yeah, yeah

[29:49]

Father, we don't need to escalate. You see, war is not the answer. For only love can hunk a head. You know we've got to find a way to bring some love and get here today. Oh, oh, [...] oh. and pick it up don't punish me with brutality talk to me so you can see what's going on what's going on what's going on Hey, man, what's your name?

[31:01]

Right home. Right home? Right. See everything? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, [...] The judges, the rules, [...] the rules. You can see what's going on Thank you for indulging me in that.

[32:52]

I don't know how many of you are familiar with this song. It's by Martin Gay, and it's sort of What's Going On. And it's actually, it's been on my mind for the last couple months, you know, in light of the pandemic, in light of the Black Lives Matter movement, the protests against police brutality, and... the call for social justice, and, of course, the climate crisis that we're experiencing. So this was actually released in 1971. What is that? 40 years ago? And I think gay song is just as irrelevant to the times we find ourselves in now. And I actually read that the original song wasn't actually specifically a protest song. But rather, what was trying to be commuted was the need for love and understanding to meet the situation, whatever was happening in the moment.

[33:54]

So the title, again, What's Going On? There's two ways to interpret the song's title. One is as a question. What's going on? And then the other one, which I think I read somewhere, is actually the real intention of the title, is simply as a statement. This is what's going on at this particular time. So another way of phrasing what's going on, this question statement is, what's happening now? And so the song acknowledges both the circumstances at the time, as well as the distress and the pain that many people were experiencing. And also in it, there's a request for how to meet both. phrase, you know, we've got to find a way to bring some understanding here today, some love and understanding here today. Once during a dharma inquiry ceremony, a student asked senior dharma teacher Bhushan Paul Halder, what is Zen?

[35:06]

And Paul responded, is that a question or a statement? And the student paused for a moment. and said, I think it's a question. And Paul replied, well, maybe it's a statement. So Zen is both a practice of inquiry as well as a practice that acknowledges what is. Zen is the practice of what is, of fully acknowledging and meeting the reality of this moment, of what's going on. or what's happening right now, just as it is. And I would suggest that the deeper question at the root of what is Zen is really, what helps me awaken? What helps me awaken? Asking what is it that helps me to awaken is a fundamental practice question that we can apply at all moments.

[36:13]

So whether framed as a question or a statement, I find the phrases of inquiry such as what's going on, what's happening right now, can serve as beneficial tools for waking up. It can serve as helpful reminders for whenever we find ourselves at particular intersections or stressful circumstances in our lives, and particularly ones in which we find ourselves somewhat confused or disoriented. unsure how to proceed, perhaps agitated or deep in emotional distress and reactivity. Is anyone experiencing that now during these particular times? Like me or for you too, yeah. What's going on here? How do I meet this, the agitation that's arising with this? And I find that when my clarity of mind becomes obscured by the you could describe them as dark and swirly energies of emotional distress, particularly in face of certain challenges, it's useful to have some kind of concise reminders to help me bring me back to reality, help me bring me back to this present direct moment experience, rather than the stories.

[37:41]

So a question such as what's happening right now, simply requires honestly acknowledging the objective situation. But to do this, we have to be able to see the difference between our view of what is happening and the actual facts of the situation. And I say this because quite often our thoughts, our distressed emotions, the negative imaginations that we have, they color and distort our perception of reality. For example, if we have a fear of snakes, you know, people or spiders, right? It's not really rational. It's just something in us. We have a fear of snakes and spiders. And we initially react to a piece of rope on the ground, for example, with aversion, thinking it's a snake. Until we look more closely and actually see there's no reason to fear. It's actually not a snake.

[38:44]

It was just a misperception. But have you noticed how much our distress in the moment is rooted in the stories or the narratives or the judgments we weave around our experiences? I had a friend not too long ago who had a lot of knee problems, right? And was in a lot of pain and didn't want to sit meditation anymore because it was so uncomfortable, had trouble going around. But he was more afraid of the idea of getting surgery in what it meant. Right. He had a bigger idea of the pain that that would entail than actually, you know, that kept him. He was more comfortable with the pain that he was familiar with, you know, than the pain that he had imagined. And then he finally goes to the doctor and has a surgery. And it wasn't as bad as he imagined. It was actually great. He was like, so like, I can't believe I waited this long. I'm finally not in pain. But just the idea of possible pain kept him from taking care of himself and becoming pain-free sooner.

[39:51]

How often do we do this? We avoid turning towards something, taking care of something, having what we might be afraid of might be a difficult conversation. And once we actually go through the experience, we realize it wasn't as bad as we thought it was going to be. So dropping our storyline. This is going to be bad. Something's wrong. It's critical in being aware of what is actually happening in the present moment. We need to see the storyline for what it is and kind of stop rehashing it over and over with our believed thoughts. Since all they do is kind of sustain and solidify our painful experiences. And this is especially true when we have when we are kind of self-justifying or blaming in some way, right? You know, it's a reason I'm doing this, and I deserve to do this, and I have a right to do this, even though it's not what I actually, honestly, deep down, know what I should be doing, right?

[41:00]

So asking the practice question, what's happening right now, can help us get out of this kind of self-justifying ruminating or self-suffocating loop of our stories that we keep kind of going through again and again, right? Again, get out of our minds and into reality. And another similar question or inquiry that I find helpful is, what is this? What is this? This question is actually a Zen koan in that it can't actually be answered by the thinking mind. The only answer comes from entering directly into the immediate physical experience of the present moment. So, for example, right now, ask yourself, what is this? Even if you're not feeling any distress, This question can apply to whatever the moment holds.

[42:03]

So become aware, for example, right now of your physical posture, just noticing the experience of it. Feel the overall quality of the physical sensations in the body. Feel where there might be some tension or discomfort in the face or the chest or the stomach. shoulders, elsewhere. Notice if you have any particular stories around that tension or discomfort. Notice there's a difference between the felt sense of the experience and the stories of the narrative that you are applying on top of it. And also include, as you widen your field of awareness, the awareness of the environment. the temperature in the room, the quality of light, any surrounding sounds like the sound of my voice.

[43:05]

And also feel the body breathing in and out as you take in this felt sense of the moment. Feel the energy in the body, the embodiment, as you focus on the wantness of now. Not the story of what is, or explanation or whiteness, but really the direct experience. And only by doing this where you answer the question, what is this? Again, it's a direct experiential answer. It's a wordless response, actually. Admittedly, it's difficult to maintain awareness in the present moment when distress is present, right? Because to truly experience the present as it is means we have to refrain from our usual habitual ways of turning away from what's uncomfortable, right?

[44:13]

And falling back on defenses such as resisting or justifying or trying to get control of the situation or going numb or seeking some kind of diversion or distraction. And the sole purpose of these strategies that we have is to protect us from feeling the discomfort, the distress, or the pain that we don't want to feel. But until we can actually frame from these defensive moves and feel the physical experience directly, we're going to stay stuck in a particular storyline about reality. And that storyline usually revolves around a story of self, of me. And we'll remain kind of detached and unaware of what life really is in this moment, because we'll be so absorbed in the story of me. For example, if we feel anxiety, right now, a lot of us may be feeling anxiety about the Coronavirus and what's happening.

[45:19]

And it's natural to want to avoid feeling it. We may get busy to kind of occupy ourselves or try some way to figure things out or plan the future in this realm of uncertainty. But if we stay in the present moment, if we ask ourselves, what is this? What is this feeling that I'm labeling anxiety? What is it before I apply the label to it? The only important and real answer comes from the actual physical experience of what we're labeling anxiety in this present moment. And remember, we're not asking about what it's about, because that's kind of analyzing. What we're really focusing on is the opposite of being physically cousins with the experience. Simply asking what is actually, what it actually is, and then opening to the experience as best we can. So asking the question of the koan, what is this, is the essence of awakening a quality of curiosity.

[46:35]

And the only answer comes from really being open to the actual experience of the truth of this moment. And curiosity means that we're willing to explore the unknown territory, to go into the places that our ego, for example, doesn't want to go into. to allow curiosity, curiosity allows us to step to the edge of what's familiar and comfortable toward our deeper fears. Truly being curious means we're willing to say yes to our experience, even the hard parts, instead of indulging in our habitual resistances or in our no's, not this. And when we can viscerally and to answer the question of, what is this? What's going on? We will see that our experience, however unpleasant, is constantly changing. It's not fixed.

[47:38]

It's not the way that we think it is. And then at the bottom, it's just a combination of belief thoughts and physical sensations and memories and so on. Once we see this, the experience of distress that we have begins to unravel into aggregate, aggregate to parts, right? So rather than seeming so solid initially, we're kind of beginning to dismantle the experience and we get to see the space within that experience. And then another inquiry we can take up. can I let this experience just be? Can I allow it to be just as it is? There's a few who have heard Paul Haller speak, you know, he often kind of, you know, offers this inquiry, can I experience the experience that's being experienced? Can I allow myself to experience this very experience of being experienced by this being right now?

[48:45]

Of course, this isn't so easy to do because our human compulsion It is towards comfort, right? And because of that, we want to fix things. We want to get rid of anything that's unpleasant. So to allow our experience just to be, usually becomes only possible after we've been disappointed by the fatality of trying to change or fix things, right? We realize in time that it's never ever going to be ultimately fixed. So allowing our experience just to be requires a critical understanding that it's more painful to try to push away our own pain than it is to actually feel it, to go into it. This understanding, it's not a head understanding, it's an intellectual understanding. It's actually something that takes root in the core of our being to go into it.

[49:47]

It's what's required. So once we can really let our experience be as it is, once we can allow ourselves to experience the experience that's being experienced, then awareness itself becomes a more spacious container within which anxiety or distress and dis-ease begins to kind of dissolve on its own. comes apart within that presencing, that presence awareness. And sometimes it happens to widen the container awareness by intentionally including awareness around us, like the air and the sounds, or whatever else we can connect with outside kind of our skin bodies, right? And within this wider, more spacious container, the stress we might be feeling

[50:48]

may even transform from something that's kind of heavy and tight and somber into kind of a more pure, nondescript energy, kind of a porousness, a lightness to it. And then in time, this energy may release on its own without any need to try to get rid of it. So this question of, can I let this experience just be It also allows this quality of mercy and loving kindness to come forth. Because we're no longer judging ourselves. Our experience is somehow defective or wrong. It's just what's being experienced. It's not about us. It's just experience arising and we haven't personalized it. When we're finally willing to experience our life within the spaciousness of the heart, you could say.

[51:49]

Rather than the self-limiting judgments of mind, we have a greater sense of liberation, freedom. So this is how we bring love and understanding to our present moment spirits, allowing it to be what it is, to change over time, and then release without identifying with it, without making a self-aware. In this way, true hearing, can really begin. Okay, so these questions, what's going on? What's happening right now? What is this? Can I let this experience just be? These remind us of key steps that could help us to work with whatever's going on, with less distress, with more patience and skill and compassion. And in doing so, we experience more liberation than human.

[52:52]

Okay. I will end there. Once again, I've spoken longer than I intended. So I will open up the floor and invite anyone who wants to share any insights of your own, any practice questions, or whatever else you'd want to bring forward in this time. So... Matt, the instructions how to do this, if you don't already know, is at the bottom of the participants list. You click on it, and you'll find your name, and there'll be a raise hand option, and then you can raise your hand. I see Neil Brown. And that's going to help us to unmute you, or you can unmute yourself. Where is Neil? There is Neil.

[53:56]

Can we unmute you? There you go. I think I got unmuted. Excellent. Thank you. Really nice talk. I was wondering, as far as the Zen Center and the... affiliation with the Black Lives Matter movement. As a Zen practitioner with very limited understanding, and I'm not trying to be humble, but I was wondering, to me, it seems that, and your discussion really hit this on the head, but I've heard this with some of the things that I've seen online with you folks and also Norm Fisher's deal. They, they mentioned the black lives ladder. And, and to me, it seems like the, the point of view of, of the, the monastery or Zen center would be that all lives matter.

[54:59]

And that this movement, which brutality and, and racism is all just, you know, is horrible stuff. I, really disappointed in the human species or whatever you want to say that we still do this type of stuff. But anyways, I just, I kind of, I don't really understand. Is there like an affiliation with the Black Lives Matter or what's going on with it? Does that match my question? Yeah. Yes. Thank you for your question. And it's one that I think comes up for a number of people. And I think for those of us who might identify as whites. And I think, you know, the thing to understand is fundamentally it's true. All lives matter. But the movement itself, what's being brought to our attention right now is not everyone is treated with respect.

[56:01]

Not everyone is treated as their life matters. And particularly black and brown people in this country for centuries have not been treated as if their lives matter. So the awareness that's being brought forward right now is, in the reality, what's going on, given our government systems and our laws and regulations and social and economic inequality, that's not what's actually being manifested. So we have to look at what's going on. Why is that not true? Why are, for example, why is COVID-19 affecting Black people in the Black community more than those who are white, right? Why all of this economic inequality? Why are more black and brown people being jailed than white people in terms of portion of the population and so on? So if we really look at what's going on, if we look at the factual reality of things, we see there is deep inequality happening.

[57:07]

And from that place of recognizing there is deep inequality and the deep, deep suffering that is causing so many people. And, you know, the reality, it's not just those who identify as people of color. You know, I can speak for myself as a white person. I feel great pain at seeing the ways that the inequality in our world creates so much suffering for people that I care about and love. And that my vow to liberate, to be at the service for all beings, to see that all beings are free of suffering, means that I have to study the causes and conditions for how suffering arises. And that includes in me, starting with me, how does my own suffering arise? And this is what I was talking about this evening. Study suffering in ourselves. Where is the direct experience of discomfort? And then where is the story that I have? And what keeps me from perceiving clearly what is true?

[58:12]

For example, what keeps me from perceiving the inequity in our society? What keeps me from seeing my own entitlement and privilege that society has given me as someone who is identified as white skin? If I really start asking those questions, I can begin to find a new way to work with the situations to find, can I work to create conditions that all people are treated equally with respect and regard, right? But I first have to see what's happening and what are the conditions for that? And then how can we together, because I can't do it alone. Nobody can do it alone. It's a collective effort. How can we together work towards transformation and creating a society and a system of way of being together, communities together that actually are liberative.

[59:14]

So it's kind of, I see it as fear, studying my own suffering, what's the nature of suffering. So this is the Buddha's teaching of the vulnerable truth. There is suffering, there are causes for suffering, there's alleviation for suffering, and there's a path for alleviation for suffering. We can apply that on an individual level. We can apply that on an interpersonal level. We can apply that on an institutional level. And we can apply that on a world level. So how do we do that? We really have to be honest with ourselves. And it can be difficult to be honest with ourselves sometimes, particularly when we see that we have maybe benefited from certain dishonesty or inequity, right? And so we have to be able to really acknowledge that and be with that discomfort. Because at the bottom of that, I think is really a true sense of I do want to be, I do want to feel the sense of the connectedness of all beings. I do want to come from a place of love and understanding and regard all beings from that place.

[60:19]

And what keeps me from doing that? Can I study that in myself? Yeah, right. That's my response. Yeah, I... You know, I was on a trip last summer. I was going up, and I stayed at Green Gulch for a couple days, and it was funny. One of the most, I don't know if you'd call it enlightening moments or self-reflective, as I was chatting with another gentleman there at the monastery, and one of the lady nuns walked by, and she started talking with us. And I always... thought about this thing of practicing Zazen for like my own ability to be aware of just the factual truth of what's going on. And she told me, she said with a smile, she goes, well, you know, I really want to be able to understand, you know, reality so I can be more compassionate to other human beings.

[61:24]

And man, that just floored me. It hit my heart. I mean, it just kind of brings tears to my eyes right now. But anyways, thank you very much. You're welcome, Neil. Thank you. Anyone else have something to share or bring forward? Seema. Hi, there you are. Can you unmute yourself? Is that possible? Yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. First of all, I wanted to say, when you were talking about just allowing yourself just to have the experience, I find that when I'm meditating, as opposed to being conscious, when I'm conscious, I can get into the... I don't know, the perspective, the variables and things like that, the situation.

[62:29]

But when I'm meditating, what I've discovered, and I only came across it just recently, because when I first started doing meditation, well, a while ago, and when I would feel pain, I would stop. I was like, oh, no, I can't deal with it. It was almost like I tried to start to analyze it, and then it made it worse. And then I think over a period of time, becoming familiar with the practice of meditation now, that even though it's still very uncomfortable, it's still very uncomfortable, I'm staying with it, breathing through it, and rather than analyzing it, because there's nothing, I notice it, I can't analyze it. It doesn't work. And it almost comes from my heart. It doesn't come from here. It comes from here. And so I feel like I'm developing something within myself to be able to meditate and become familiar. So it kind of encourages me. So I just wanted to comment if that was what you kind of meant a little bit.

[63:33]

I don't know. Yes, very much so. That's a wonderful kind of insight for yourself, noticing how you're trying to analyze it and be in your mind and push the experience away or resolve it from a mental state versus from being with a presence, a state of presence. You know, so, for example, if you're having pain in your knees, right? You know, you can just, you know, think about it, focus about it, make stories about it, saying how, like, I'm never going to be able to walk again. My knees hurt so bad. All these kind of things that come up. But if you actually go into the direct experience of the pain in the knee, and before you even put the label pain on it, even pain, just the word pain is extra. Okay. So go into the direct felt sense and use your mind to concentrate in that area of the body where you're having that sensation. Okay. And you can even describe the sensation. Oh, there's warmth, maybe some heat.

[64:34]

There's tingling. It kind of pulsates, kind of moves around. It doesn't actually stay consistent. It keeps kind of shifting. Sometimes it's more intense. Other times it's less intense. Okay. And suddenly you're describing direct experience, not the story that you have. And having the spaciousness to just see or observe direct experience gives you more room to be with it, more capacity to be with the experience. There's a sense of I'm less contracted around it, I'm less developed. There's a more relaxed and openness. And the more you do that, as you were kind of describing, you have your wisdom develops. You actually see, oh, if I don't grab onto it, if I don't make stories about it, if I don't resist it, I have the experience that it actually, over time, relax it or does it become as intense? And then you begin to trust that. You begin to trust your experience, right?

[65:36]

You're developing your own capacity to see what's true for yourself. by questioning the story that you have and actually going into direct experience. Wow. Thank you. That's very helpful. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for sharing your practice. Thank you very much. Let's see what time it is. Okay. It's actually after our usual time. So I just want to acknowledge that in case anyone needs to head out. I see there's one more question in the chat field. Oh. And so maybe we'll do it briefly. John. I'm happy to wait, too. I don't know. Is it better just to wait at this point? You're the last person with your hand up at the moment. So why don't you go ahead and then we'll wrap up. Well, so my family's been trying to read anti-racist literature together a little bit.

[66:38]

I've been wondering if you just like we've been reading this Robin DiAngelo white fragility thing about how basically she's saying that white people have no stamina for being able to entertain the question of racism. Like it's just, it's just like this kind of immediate feeling of, uh, that people of color are just expected to be able to be facile with all the time that, that, So for anybody who's white to be put in that situation is just almost always immediately overwhelming. So we've been reading this thing about whether or not people can even entertain the question. And for me, I was thinking, well, one is I feel like it's a little bit like the IQ test that the army used to have when they asked if you're gay. If you wanted to get into the army, you said no. And it didn't matter what... you knew the answer was, it just mattered what you wanted the outcome to be.

[67:40]

And I feel like racism, to ask if somebody's racist or not, they feel like, oh, it's almost as though they feel, am I asking, is your intention to be racist? And then the answer is no. Almost everybody's intention is no, it's not. But do you also believe, so the question for me is, Does racism basically, do you believe racism basically functions like neglect? Where it's something, if I really am convinced that I live in a racist culture system that has those influences through it, is not accounting for that something like trying to put a kid through into a dangerous situation and then not... figuring out, oh, they're coming out with bumps and bruises every time. Aren't they being neglectful not to recognize there's more dangers for this kid than there should be? I'm not sure I fully understand the neglect part of it, but what I think I would speak to first is people are racist.

[68:54]

There is racist behavior, right? So a person in and of themselves is not racist. They may act at certain times and say certain things that are racist, that are basically, you know, seeing people in a negative light based upon their skin color, right? And treating them in that way, in a biased way. That's racist behavior. So it could happen. All of us can do that consciously and unconsciously. And I think for many people who, you know, and actually... You know, I don't think racism is just a matter of those of us who are white. You know, I know I lived in Indonesia, you know, and I experienced a lot of Indonesians were racist against the Chinese in the culture, right? So it's a matter of any time that we use thin color, you know, or in some cases ethnicity to judge another person as less than our particular race, right?

[69:57]

then that's a mental racist mindset. Or if we act on it, say something or act in ways, then it becomes racist. Now, there's ways in which how we have organized ourselves as a society, as people in our own lives, in our communities, in our systems and institutions, that they will have often a tendency to privilege, whether intentionally or not, certain race identities. Like this is very prevalent in white culture. I'm sorry, in the U.S. here, right? Where white supremacy, being white, has been the kind of the guiding orientation to how many of the policies and the laws have been set up in harmful ways. So we can say those policies are racist in the way that they are designed. and those who are enacting them are acting based on racist policies.

[71:00]

So it may not be intentional, but all the same, can we be conscious of the ways that this happens? Now, I've recently read a number of scholars of color who are questioning this idea of white fragility, saying that, you know, it kind of says like all people, all white people then are fragile. when it comes to talking about race. And I actually don't think, you know, I agree. I don't think that's necessarily true. I think there's often a tendency to be more sensitive to, because I think people naturally, many, you know, those who are white are going to say, I don't, I don't in my heart want to be racist. So it hurts me. And I find myself doing and acting in ways that, that actually harm people, you know, people of color. Because that's not what I want to do. So I need to work through what I feel when I see what's going on, when I face reality as it is. So I wouldn't say all white people are demonstrating white fragility because I actually don't see that to be true.

[72:09]

But I think it's something for us who are white to be aware of. Yeah. but that we can have reactive habit patterns when confronted with our own unconscious behavior and perceptions, you know, and how can we adjust that? So that would be my response. I didn't quite, again, I didn't quite get the second part of your interview. I think the neglect part is for those aspects of racist disposition or view that are unconscious, for a person not to work to correct the situation means that if I saw the victim of racism would end up being, their harms would be ones of neglect. In other words, I don't feel like it's a conscious, intentional action to harm persons such and so, but not accounting for and helping that person, for example, through affirmative action plans or whatever, that ends up amounting to neglect, knowing that their needs and wishes are not understood in the cultural milieu as well.

[73:26]

Yeah, I can see how you could frame it as a sense of neglect. I think we do this all the time. I think there's a degree to which we are unconscious of the impact of our actions and words and the ways that we live our lives. And everything we do deeply ripples out into the world and affects everyone, regardless of what race, gender, sexuality, age, capability. We have impact on each other. that we cannot even fathom, you know, to the degree. So you could say there's a certain level of neglect because we're basically ignorant of the impact that we have just by living our lives, right? So there's a part that we have to just say, I am going to unconsciously create harm or do harm. You know, that's part of my karma. Even though I deeply wish not to, By being a human being, it's going to happen, right?

[74:29]

Just by the virtue of being alive, it's going to happen. So that's why we do, in the morning, all my ancient twisted karma from beginningless greed havens illusion, I now fully avow. I acknowledge it, right? I own it, even that which I don't know it, and I live in such a way that I want to make it known so that I don't continue to perpetuate harm. This is a lifetime endeavor, you know, and, you know, if you're a Tibetan Buddhist, it's lifetimes, you know, hundreds of thousands of lifetimes until you actually get conscious enough, you know, of our interdependency, the depth of our interdependency, which means we are all one life, just manifesting in multiplicity and diversity, right? So we have to just... From the beginning, acknowledge, I am going to, you know, I am going to harm despite my best intentions. So have compassion for ourselves, have compassion for each other.

[75:33]

Other people are going to harm us despite their best intentions. Can I have enough kindness and openness to be able to acknowledge, you know, they're doing their best. They hurt me, you know, by something they said and did. Can I bring that to awareness? in order to stay in relationship. So I'm not neglecting the relationship, right? And I think this is what this whole conversation right now is about. You know, how do we have a deeper, more intimate, loving, awake relationship with everyone? And where are we not awake? Where are we personally not awake? And where is the... culture and the systems in which we operate and kind of move through also not awake? Can we have awake society? What is it to have an awake government, awake education, awake healthcare? You know, can all the systems that we create as human beings to organize ourselves, can they express a path of awakening, an intention to liberate all beings?

[76:42]

So that's a long-winded answer, and anyhow. That's what I came from. So I see we're at quarter till, and I see one more hand. So maybe, again, guys, if you want to check out, you're welcome to. You don't have to stand. I'd like to respond to Ann. We'll make that the last question. So Ann, are you there? Oh, there you are. You're on mute. Are you able to unmute yourself? Yeah. Hello there. Hello. Well, I mean, it's been really interesting. So this is kind of a statement because you said, like, what's going on can be like a statement or a question. But I mean, I think with the exception of Black Lives Matter and the stuff that's really kind of opening up now, it's really hard to stay. This is my statement. It's just really much harder for me because...

[77:46]

more than ever before when i do like kind of awaken to what's going on it's just bad news and then more bad news and then i just and i'm really angry at stuff that happens and it's just harder now to be aware and you know i just sort of just do want to run away because it's just too much you know because it never before in my life has this country been like this you know what in my experience so yeah So that's my statement. It's harder now to. Well, number one, I'll just point out to you, that's a story and it's harder. That's difficult to be with all this. So you can drop that and say, what is it like to be with this? What is it like to be with this experience right now? And you don't have to control it. You don't have to manage it. The request isn't for you to take care of it. Oftentimes we feel overwhelmed when we have a sense of, I have to do something to fix this.

[78:51]

So the place that we can start with is, can I just see what is? Acknowledging this. And this often happens when we first start meditating, particularly in our minds. When we first start meditating, we actually start looking and hearing all the thoughts that go through our heads and go, oh my God, where did all these thoughts come from? And it's because it's not that they weren't there before. It's because we're finally shining the light into our mind and seeing what's actually there. They were always there. It was always this blah, blah, blah, blah, right? Going on. But finally, we're becoming conscious of it. So there's always been great suffering and injustice in the world. Always. But now, maybe, we're becoming more awake to it. And it's going to kind of be a lot more uncomfortable initially. It's going to be, you know, just like when you first feel like, oh my God, what do I do with all these thoughts? And we almost want to stop meditating because it's like I was much better off before when I wasn't conscious.

[79:54]

So this period of transition, when we stay with it, not having to change it or fix it, but really trying to open to it and just see it. And then sometimes I use the analogy, you know, when you're sitting on your cushion and the meditation and your leg goes numb, And then you go, the bell rings, and you go, you get up, and you're like, oh, I can't move, right? And it hurts. And you sit there and you pause for a period of time as the blood flows, the life flows back into your leg. It hurts more initially, but there's actually a good sign because it means the leg is coming back to life, that the awareness is pouring in again. The nutrients is pouring in again to allow you to, in time, step forward and move, take the next, you know, action that you need to take. But for a period of time, you need to pause and wait. You know, so right now, can you just, this practice of, can I allow myself just to be with this?

[80:59]

I don't have to actively do anything to change it. And maybe sometimes just putting my hands on my heart and saying, yeah, this is difficult. This is painful. Yeah, this hurts. Just that, just bringing that loving awareness and compassion to our experience gives us the capacity to just hold the space to be with what is just a little bit longer. Is that helpful in any way, encouraging? It's meant to be encouraging. Yeah, it is. I just, you know, I'll try. Again, whenever you feel it's like, oh, this is a lot to take in, put your hands right here in your heart, right? And say, yeah, this is a lot. I'm okay with this. I can be with this. I can allow myself to experience this and breathe into it.

[82:03]

Breathe into your hearts. Breathe into your hands. Feel the presence of your hands on your chest. Just breathe into that. So in this moment, that's all that needs to happen. Just breathing in and breathing out. Breathe in the hands. Breathe in your hearts. So this is the truth of the moment, right here, right now. It's this breath, with this body, with this loving, tender heart that really cares, that doesn't always know what to do. That's okay. None of us really know what to do. We're all kind of just making our best way.

[83:05]

Relying on each other for support and encouragement. So thank you. Thank you, Anne. Thank you for bringing that forward. Thank you all very much for your practice. Thank you for staying with. I know I went, once again, much longer than usual. So thank you. And my dear friends, please take good care. And I hope you enjoy the practice of exploring what's going on. I'm tempted to play the music again. Should I play the music again? Maybe as we say goodbye, I'll continue playing it. But first I have to be able to share my music. Let's see what happens. Thank you.

[84:10]

Thank you. Bye. [...] And pick it up. Don't punish me with brutality. Talk to me so you can see. Oh, what's going on?

[85:13]

What's going on? Yeah, what's going on? What's going on? Oh, what's going on? Right on. Right on. Hey man, what's your name? I don't know.

[85:39]

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