So a couple of years ago, I was staying at Zuyoji in Japan, a monastery that runs according to Dogen Zenji's way. So this monastery, Zuyoji, is like the cultural center of Japan in terms of Zen. And they have a practice there of apology. in which if you make a mistake, then you go with a stick of incense to everyone who was affected by your mistake, starting with the abbot. I'm sorry, it might be starting with your... I'm sorry, I don't remember the detail of the form now, who you start with, whether it's starting with the abbot or whether it's starting with your... crew might be starting with the abbot you knock on the person's door and you're dressed up wearing tabby and you know new clean robes carrying an incense box and when they answer the door you say whatever your mistake was and then you say please forgive me and when you've completed that whole circuit

[01:27]

of apologizing for mistakes from the most senior person who was affected by your mistake to the most junior person who was affected by your mistake. Then the next morning at tea, there's a place where it says, with the people who are making repentance are welcome. And you go and you bow. in front of the whole assembly. So please excuse my lateness for lecture. While I was printing out my notes for lecture, I completely spaced out. The habit of years had me thinking that the lecture was at 10 o'clock and not at 945. And so when 945, when 937 rolled around, I was printing out the lecture. I had just started printing out the lecture, and I was completely unaware that lecture was in seven minutes.

[02:32]

And I'm really sorry. Please forgive my lateness. It affected you, and you had to stand up longer than you otherwise would have, I think. So that might have felt good on your knees, but it was maybe not so good for the third day of Sesshin, which... is for many people the most difficult day. Today I'd like to speak about Sashin as a dance that has music and choreography and it has a meaning. And please come in. And so I would like to start with the heart of the dance. And I would like to speak today.

[03:33]

One of the reasons it took me a long time to prepare for lecture is that I would like to use poetry as a way to enter into what I mean. So I'm feeling a little gaga, as you might be too. So because it's the third day of Sashin, often for many people today is a turning point. I don't know if you noticed, but many people, you can check in your own body and mind, come into Sashin carrying what we always carry. So we carry our own agendas and the adrenaline rush that has occurred for days and perhaps weeks, months, or years. before the sesshin, we come in with the after effects of various food and sleep choices that we have made and other kinds of choices that we've made.

[04:39]

So, for instance, we might come into sesshin with a long-held desire to be enlightened or to have a refuge or even just because we have to, because it's a requirement for residency. Or we might come in with a desire to sit sashim with everybody, but let's say various things have happened. You know, you've had to write a paper or, you know, make a payment on your house or do a job or something like that. Or you were just in a car accident or someone you know was. Or even if you had to bike across town to get here. You'll be adrenalinized and carrying that. for the first day and maybe even the first two days of Sushin. But by the time the third day rolls around, we're beginning to, just beginning to drop some of those things.

[05:42]

Some of those things may feel a little less attractive, like Michael was talking about yesterday. At a certain point, we get disgusted with our story or our habit or our squirming or whatever, and the mind turns towards maybe there's a better way. So the calm mind is just beginning to peek out. We haven't really found it yet, most of us, but it's just beginning to peek out. And the inner, yeah. What's going on? Because you know what happens to cars that get towed in the city?

[06:44]

They go far, far away. Far away and many pennies between that person and their car. Numerous forms and various things. So a moment of well wishes. Oh, I also wanted to let you know that, you know, those heavy street machinery that's going down the street right now, I spoke to them before Sesshin. And they were very, very kind, extremely kind. And they've actually decided to go with the plan that they used to have but didn't know that they should continue to have of working up past Buchanan and down by Octavia instead of this block. So we will not have jackhammering or street resurfacing here today. You may have wanted it.

[07:45]

to help with that, you know, third day of Zashim feeling. But here's a poem about what we're doing. This is called Where Does the Dance Begin? Where Does it End? And it's by Mary Oliver. Don't call this world adorable or useful. That's not it. It's frisky. and a theater for more than fair winds. The eyelash of lightning is neither good nor evil. The struck tree burns like a pillar of gold. But the blue rain sinks straight to the white feet of the trees whose mouths open. Doesn't the wind, turning in circles, invent the dance? Haven't the flowers moved slowly across Asia, then Europe, until at last now they shine in your own yard?

[08:55]

Don't call this world an explanation or even an education. When the Sufi poet whirled, was he looking outwards to the mountains so solidly there in a white-capped ring Or was he looking to the center of everything, the seed, the egg, the idea that was also there, beautiful as a thumb curved and touching the finger, tenderly, little love ring, as he whirled, oh, jug of breath, in the garden of dust. So, this is called the Cosmic Rudra. That's why I picked this poem. Tenderly as thumbtips touch little love ring as we will Oh jugs of breath in the garden of dust Okay, so our job, you know sessheen is Really like a dance we each have our roles like the dough on and the show ten and the kitchen person the office person the Eno the teacher and

[10:11]

They can all change next time. The street. And each person is the center of the seshin. The person who's sitting at the edge of the tan is the center of seshin. The person who's sitting in the middle of the tan is the center of the seshin. The person who's sitting in the hallway because of the physical issue or because they don't want to give you their flu is the center of sesshin. And our job today is to take refuge in the choreography of the sesshin so we can experience the stability and the harmony of the whole dance. So our job is to express it, express the center through walking, standing, through sitting, through lying down, through how we turn and fluff the cushion, through how we hold the Orioki bowl to offer the food to Buddha, through how we go to the toilet when no one's looking.

[11:27]

In all of those actions, our job is to express our intention. for today, for tomorrow, all the way through the seventh day of Sashim. Rumi says, In your light, I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no one sees you. But sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art. So that sight of the center becomes this art of how we walk, how we stand, how we sit, how we lie down. But you might say, you know, this is my first sashim. I never used an orioke. I never even heard the word in my life before I came here. I am crummy at orioke. You know, so you might say something like that. And my answer is that everyone is crummy at orioke.

[12:32]

Because Orioki is designed so that no matter how well you know it, there's always another level of detail. It's like those, you know, have you ever seen one of those fractal drawings where every little bit of the fractal, if you magnify it, has just as much detail as the whole thing did before. And that's what Orioki is like. Your job the first time you do it might be to get in there, to sit down, to get your food, to eat, and to get out. That might be your job the first day. By the end of the week, your job might be to tie the knot the way that knot is supposed to be tied. But by the end of the 35th year, you might be sitting there going, was I supposed to use my left finger or my right finger? did I start that chant a moment too soon?

[13:35]

Am I riding the wave and following the wave at the same time with my chant? Oh, no, I really jumped the gun. You know, no one else might notice it. But it's the same feeling of remorse that you might have if you dropped your bowl, you know, or a little bit later, if you, you know... put that oreochi cloth, if you put the little wiping cloth underneath the utensils instead of on top of them so that when you pulled it out, everything clattered. You know, it doesn't matter how many years you do this. It always is wrong. It's how we're built. We're built to do it in a limited way. And it's that very... sense of limitation against the background of perfect harmony that gives us the meaning of the practice. So our job is to follow the choreography.

[14:39]

You know how in the Nutcracker, in that ballet, they have grown-up ballet dancers and kids? And the function of the grown-up ballet dancers is to be really, really good. And the function of the kids is to be beginners. You know, they wouldn't be cute if they weren't beginners. Do you know what I mean? If you saw a kid who was absolutely perfect, you would wonder about their mother. So I think you might know what I mean. So for every period of Zazen, every detail was specified. The choreography is the schedule and the forms, and there are infinite ways to do it wrong, just as there are infinite ways to do it right. Right and wrong are really not the point.

[15:40]

The point is that we have this choreography that will last us our entire life if we continue to work on it every single time. Also, you know, if you did it with this body today, you still haven't done it with that body tomorrow. If you did it with that mind yesterday, you still haven't done it with the mind of today. It's an ever-changing form. So, you know, this is not a new idea. Dogen Senji talked about this a million times. So in Shobhogen's Ozuimongki, his record. Dogen Zenji talked about the Dragon Gate. Tsui Monkey is actually the record of Dogen Zenji written by, put together, edited, compiled by his disciple, Cohen Eijo, who took notes on all of Dogen Zenji's lectures and basically followed him around, noticed what he did and took notes on it and wrote that up as a book later on.

[16:57]

And so Kohanejo quotes Dogenzenji as instructing that in the ocean there's a place called the Dragon Gate, where huge waves are always rising and falling. And every single fish that passes through that place becomes a dragon. So it's called the Dragon Gate. But, you know, it doesn't look like any other, it doesn't look different from any other place. The waves are the same as any other place. And the water tastes like salt, just like any place else in the ocean. But, so it's a mystery how when fish cross that place, suddenly... Poof! Go dragon! Okay?

[18:00]

So Zen monks are also like this. So the moment you cross that threshold into the Zendo with your Oriyuki starting to sit the sheen, you instantly became a Zen monk. You know, and tomorrow, someone who comes to the Zendo might say, could you help me? You know, could you help me? And I was having a conversation with someone yesterday who said, I'm not the one who people are supposed to come to for help. I'm not used to thinking of myself that way. So this person was sitting in front of me wearing a robe and a rakasu and saying, I'm not used to thinking of myself that way. But what happens when somebody comes? They see that robe and they see that rakasu and they think, oh, a dragon. Shoot, I can ask. You know? Or someone sees someone standing very still in the Zendo.

[19:03]

It might happen. You know, 540 is the public period of Zaza. A beginner might come. And you might have to say, That's the habit seat. Or whatever, you know? So... So, you know, the forms are really like an infinite gift, an infinite choreography. Like, for example, orioki again. Do you know what the word orioki means? O, the word o, is communion. To kind of response that Buddhas have to sentient beings and sentient beings have to Buddhas. But it can also mean, you know, when someone who needs something, if your mind is not elsewhere, expresses their need, how do you want to help them?

[20:15]

That's what that word means. And it has heart at the bottom of the word. It's a heart under a roof with some trees and things in it. I mean other little things in the character that I don't really remember what they are. But there's a heart in it. And so it's the receiver's response to the offering or the offerer's response to the receiver of the food. And ryo is like, it's an ancient measure. And ki actually means, that's an interesting word because it means you know, like Tenshin Zenki, Reb's name, Tenshin Zenki. The ki means, Zenki means the whole works. So it actually means like a machine or a thing or a construction. So basically, Orioki means just enough. But it means a construction in which the response is the measure.

[21:21]

You know, the bowl The response and the activity are the same thing. There's no separation between giver, receiver, and gift. But it's measured by this ritual. It's marked out by the ritual that we do, where we actually, someone has the bowl and someone else has the ladle. Okay? So how we do it is how we're enacting the choreography of the union, of communion. And, you know, we think we're just getting food. Or we think the stupid oryoki, you know, there's four bowls, there's all these things and knots and left finger, right finger or whatever, and we just get lost in it by the second or third day of Sashim. But the specifics create a language through which we can meet each other.

[22:25]

And also they create a common language through time and space. So for instance, Ji-hun can come here and our lineages are not the same lineage, but they speak to each other because the essence is the same, like the robe is the same, the hairstyle is the same, the practice is the same. You know, Bob can come all the way from Texas. And, you know, maybe everything's smaller, but it's the same. You know? So another example is, like, the schedule. How, you know, by the third day of Sachin, if Michael or Rosalie or I or Tia invisibly say things like, follow the schedule completely, By the third day of Sashin, it's like, oh, shut up already.

[23:26]

You know, I know that. Or, ow, this hurts. Do I have to? Or, I can't. Or, you know, all the things that come up during Sashin. Or, yes, I will. I mean, all of it comes up. But actually, the moment of communion that's part of the dance is when our own conscience tells us, Don't fudge the schedule. Show up. Adjust the work or sleep, alarm or whatever to make sure that we're there with everybody at that time because that's that movement of the dance. This is a pas de 18. Or a 22 or whatever. Not a pas de deux. So what's the unifying rhythms of the dan. And so there's a set of practices called shamatha practices.

[24:28]

The ancient name, Dogen Senji was ordained as a kid. And he was actually ordained in the Tendai tradition, which had a name for zazen, which was shikan. It's not the same shikan as shikanthaza. It's the Xi is what we're talking about. And if you go to Japan or China and you look at the six-sided sign, instead of saying stop, they say Xi in Japanese or Zhe in Chinese. And it's a character that has a lot of right angles in it, and it means stop. Okay? And that's half of Zazen. And the other half, the kan part or the guan part, means see.

[25:29]

Okay? So stop and see is zazen. And so shamatha is the part of zazen that's about stopping. and about letting go of stuff that gets in the way. And it means having to let go of actions and states of mind that create attachment and get us into trouble. And what allows us to do this is that we have a capacity called mindfulness. We think of mindfulness as a thing that we do, but actually it's a capacity to bring up a subject of meditation or a discipline again and again without forgetting it. And that's mindfulness and memory.

[26:32]

And then we also have an introspective quality that allows us to look at the quality of our attention. So we cultivate remembering and we cultivate internal checking. to understand how our intention is, how our attention is at this moment. And then when we find out that it's not so good, then we have to invoke our intention again and enthusiasm to bring up our energy to keep going, to return to what we're doing. And so at first all those things are out of balance. So you'll remember your subject, but you won't really be able to bring it up with any good quality. You'll get overexcited or underexcited, or various hindrances and obstacles will get in the way, like lethargy or remorse for not doing it right, or I hate this, get lost, or I want that.

[27:48]

Why can't I have that? Or am I doing it right? Or is this really good for me? What am I doing here anyway? You know, so those are five obstacles that are so universal that they have Sanskrit names that I won't bother you with. But they're in the teaching of Buddha and they've been in the teaching of all the meditative traditions from Buddha's time till now. So our job is to notice when those things arise, doubt or pulling something towards ourselves like, concentration, I want concentration, or pushing something away like pain, out, or remorse, beating ourselves up, or falling asleep or, you know, checking out. So our job is to notice when we do those things and then let it go.

[28:54]

And what happens when we let that go, when we let those things go, is something called prasrati. And I will give you that name because it's an important thing. It's cliancy. It's what Suzuki Roshi calls readiness. And it's the physical expression of emptiness. And it's like when a dancer is on. that that's what happens to us. And it means that we can field harder and harder catches that the universe sends our way. Here's another poem by Rumi that talks about the difficulty. Dance when you're broken open. Dance if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of fighting.

[29:56]

Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free. Get it? It's not a wimpy practice. So these things might happen. You might feel, I'm broken. or the bandages off, the things I've been hiding, or trying to push away, or I'm fighting my sleepiness, I'm fighting something about my life, or you have to dance so completely that the cells dance, and this is why we do this You know how lobsters, if you put them in a pot of boiling water, they'll crawl out?

[31:00]

But if you gradually immerse them in the boiling water, they won't crawl out? So the first day of Sashin is like cool water turning to tepid water. And then the heat begins to rise. But somehow we don't crawl out. We're like those lobsters. And then finally the transformation occurs and we turn into dragon lobsters. Lobster dragons. What can I say? It's a process. It takes time and it's a difficult process. And the heat does get turned up. If you think it isn't being turned up, if you think you're concentrated, look again because there are even worse hindrances that come when you're absolutely concentrated and completely enthusiastic about your practice so you don't get a free ticket if you're if you're concentrated or if you're enlightened or anything you know and

[32:12]

You may be getting conflicting information from the different senses. So through your sense of touch, you may be getting a feeling of pain. I know I certainly do by the second or third day. But the mind sense, your ability to introspect and find out about the quality of your life, might be telling you this is the way. You're not doing something that's hurting you. You're doing something that's helping you. And I'm not saying the thinking, like, am I hurting myself? No, you're not. Shut up. You're not hurting yourself. I'm not talking about that sort of process, which is a denial that you might be hurting yourself. Like yesterday, Camilla fell down in a zendo and bruised her foot. So I imagine that if you sit zesa or have that bruise in contact with the tatami, that it hurts. So, yes, she says yes.

[33:15]

So, you know, we don't know whether, we don't know what kind of injury that is. And there's a possibility that if Camilla sits in Seiza, she could make that injury worse if she sits for a long time. Better to not use the voice that forces Seiza in that circumstance. Or, like, if you're fighting with, a condition that you're not supposed to fight with. Let's say you're 95 years old and you're sitting Sashin. I'm using that example because no one in here is 95 years old. But should you flog yourself to sit in full lotus? I don't think so. Actually, that's a practice that was used by a Zen master in the last moment of his life at one time. He knew it was the last moment, so he said, me? My whole life I've been your slave. Take that.

[34:16]

And he died. It's always something he wanted to do for 94 and a half years. You know? So let's keep following the schedule. If You make a mistake, admit it. If you get overexcited or underexcited, drop it. Fit with dignity and equipoise. And give that feedback with your body to everyone in the Sushi. Do you remember, it was a song in the 60s, somebody might remember it.

[35:19]

I don't remember who wrote this song, but the tune came to me in a dream. It was something like, oh, you got all the words, then you know all the notes, but you never quite got the song she sung. I can tell by the sadness in your eyes that you never quite learned the song. It was something like that. You know, that we can know all the notes, we can get all the words, but where they come from is the whole song. And so this is a process of finding our place in the dance and dancing with ourselves and with each other. and with all the parts within, through the form, through the schedule, until we are dancing in harmony, until the fish show ourselves as dragons, you know, until we really find the sense of Sesshin.

[36:35]

So... Here's one of my favorite poems by Wendell Berry. This is from a book called Sabbaths. The dark around us come. Let us meet here together. Members of one another. Here in our holy room. Here on our little floor. Here in the day-lit sky. Rejoicing, hand and eye. Rejoining, known and knower. Light, leaf, foot, hand, wing. such order as we know, one household, high and low, and all the earth shall sing.

[37:47]

So really, the dark around us come. The third day of Sishin, the dark around us come. Let us meet here together. members of one another here in our holy room, here on our little floor, here in the daylight sky, rejoicing hand and eye, rejoining known and knower. Rejoicing, it might not look like rejoicing. We might not be doing the kind of dance where we're flying through the air. But we're doing the kind of dance where the incense travels, the intention travels throughout space and time. We're doing the kind of dance where 90 years from now on your deathbed, we'll be glad that we did this.

[38:55]

We're doing the kind of dance where everyone in our lives will feel our protection and our offering. You know, we're doing the kind of dance where we get to know all the things that we didn't want to know but are really happier knowing than not knowing. And when we open this way, when everything is part of the moment of sitting down, then we'll have a little life. you know, and light, leaf, hand, foot, and wing. Such order as we know, one household, high and low, and all the earth shall sing, you know, and all the earth shall sing. This is why we do this.

[39:59]

You know, I can talk about freedom till the cows come home. But the real discipline is intimacy. We've put on clothes or robes and become monks for a day or seven. How do we realize who we are and what that is? So that's our task today, to just... You know, go to the next period of zazen, eat lunch, work, etc. Nothing more. Thank you very much for your attention.

[40:57]

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