This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Thank you all for coming tonight. I know that I'm... competing for ratings against the Game 2 of the World Series and the latest Republican presidential debate. So, thank you for coming here. So, the title of this fall's practice period is Zen is Our Everyday Life. And as part of this practice period, because I'm assisting the abbott who is leading the practice period i meet with students in various capacities and talk with them about different things i have groups i meet with or i have tea with students and i just chat with them at meals or i um it's a wonderful opportunity to be in touch with what is going on for people and to find out what's relevant to them as we go forward to lead this practice period and as

[01:24]

Part of that, I find out what's important. And I ask people what's important to them. What do they want to know about what is their interest? And some topics have come up in this. And so what I'm going to talk about tonight is community, intimacy, and being okay. So practice period is a very good opportunity for us to discover all of these subjects. They're unavoidable in a practice period, especially if you're making it a part of your schedule and coming to various events. You're going to see things over the course of several weeks that are... that things will take place in different mental circumstances that you find yourself in.

[02:34]

In other words, you'll go one day in a calm space and see one thing, and then you'll see the same thing the next day in a different mental space, and you get to see that. And because of this, we get really to know about community and about intimacy, and so that's what I'm going to talk to you about, talk with you about tonight. I'm going to begin... by speaking about why it is that practicing with community is different because it, you know, practice you can do anywhere, right? It's portable. You don't need all these apparatus and all the sort of structure around it. It's not necessary for waking up, actually. And so why is it that so many people put forth so much effort to come? And what... is different about community practice. And so there's some practical considerations, some practical things that are different, such as, you know, there's equipment around, you know, a whole variety of cushions and benches and various things that you might want to try different things.

[03:45]

And there's somebody to time the period and ring a bell at the end. You don't even have to worry about how long you're sitting. And so in those ways, the practicalities... Make community practice just more logistically simple. You don't have to think about things. But some of the other ways in which practicing in community is different involve the relation with people. That's really, for me, where the main distinction comes. And it comes in a lot of different ways. For one thing, you see examples around you. I know examples of people who have been walking this path and who may have encountered similar things to what you've seen before, and that can be inspiring, it can be encouraging, it can be useful. You can see in action how it is that people engage with the practicalities of practice, the craft of how they go about their life.

[04:57]

and you get to know people and a little bit to see how it is that they are endeavoring to stop suffering. Also, you have the ability to be encouraged by others who may have either an experience that might be valuable to you if they share it, or who might just simply have overcome a similar thing to what you're working with and that they can then have... They can give you confidence in what you're doing. It's much easier to develop trust, I think, in community because you see that practice works. You don't need to see each thing for yourself in order to trust it. You can say, wow, this lady's been practicing for 40 years, and she talks about her early life, and wow, she's really different.

[06:06]

And so you can then go forward with confidence yourself about what you wish to do and how you wish to spend your energy. So there's also the accountability factor. People will notice if you're not there, especially in a residential community. People take attendance and say, oh, you're not there. But there's also sort of the commonality of effort, you know, going and saying, oh, you know, I want to be there with people or they're going to notice when I'm not there. Sort of good type of peer pressure of like, you know what, yeah, this could go either way, but I really want to show up for other people, you know. And so that accountability doesn't really exist sitting in your living room in the same way. And I've tried to sit in my living room when I was living in an apartment with a job, and it's really difficult, at least for me, it's really difficult to have a structured and robust practice in your living room.

[07:11]

And so I'm sure that people who aren't me can have different experiences. I'm not saying this is a blanket statement, but I'm speaking, as with all things that I'm saying tonight, from my own perspective and experience. And so you also see that in community, there are teachers. This is the other thing, that relating with people in community, there's teachers. And practicing with teachers, it's different. Being around them, seeing how they move, how they eat, how they wash the dishes. engaging with them just by your presence. That's a lot of what transmission is. People relating with each other honestly is just by being together. And that's especially true of people who are in a student-teacher relationship.

[08:12]

It's one thing to meet with them, but it's also in community with them. You get to see all phases of their day and how they carry themselves and how they relate to people in various circumstances. And that can be illuminating for how you wish yourself to relate to people. And then you yourself also will be called on to lead. If you stick around for any length of time at any Zen center, you're going to be asked to start ringing bells or leading the work period or doing something. People seldom can slip by too long, especially in a... Smaller groups, you know, where somebody's coming regularly, hey, would you like to, you know, you'll be called on to do these things because that's required. I mean, people need that. And it's really a wonderful service. But that will teach you then about how to show up, how to bring yourself into a situation in a way that benefits beings. And it can call forth then your inner teacher.

[09:18]

so to speak. You can get to know, oh, I'm relating to people in these circumstances the way that that teacher was, or I'm not relating the way that teacher was. How am I doing this? And you start to wonder. And also, you know, sometimes things don't work in community. You get to see that too. That's probably a Dharma talk, or more than a Dharma talk on its own, reconciliation and grievance, but Suffice it to say that in community you can see firsthand and tangibly how reconciliation is not only possible but also necessary to have a free heart. And that it really is possible. That it really is possible to get past something and just do what you're doing now and feel whole. And in community, because you're thrown up against all these things all the time, you get to see this and you have to see this.

[10:19]

More importantly than that, you get to see that you are okay. That these signals that you're getting from your adrenaline or these different biological responses that we have, you know, we're programmed in from all our ancestors who survived long enough to procreate, which is all of our ancestors survived long enough. They didn't get eaten by a tiger, you know, at least before they had kids. And so it's been really programmed into us that to, you know... perceive threats and adrenalize ourselves and bolt forward. And so we have this same exact reaction that we had 100,000 years ago in terms of the brain chemicals and the signals. And so actually you get to see in community, especially because things have ultimately very... There are a lot of things that have very little consequence ultimately. For example, Orioki is a good example of this because... Leslie James gives, I heard that she gives the Orioka instruction that consists, she says, here's the Orioka instruction.

[11:29]

You sit down, you open your bowls, something happens, and you wrap up your bowls and leave. And ultimately, I mean, you get food. I mean, there's no casualties here. But anybody who has eaten, multiple Orioki meals has probably witnessed a whole range of human emotions and passions and opinions, and it's a safe laboratory in which to experiment with those. So that's one of the values that I find in community, is finding opportunities like that that have, actually, if I mess it up, there's very little bearing that it has. It doesn't injure anybody. It doesn't go with lasting damage, you know, necessarily. But... But community life gives us that opportunity. And then I'd also like to talk about commuter practice in community, because that's how I started out, was as a commuter. And I think commuter practice is very valuable.

[12:32]

In fact, I think people who have only ever done residential practice, they ought to go and have a commuter experience, because it's a very different quality of practice, especially if you're a committed person who's coming all the time. Well, first of all, you have to put forth more effort. And that's one of the reasons residential practice is in some ways easier is because, well, you have to walk down the stairs to get to the Zendo. I mean, it's not much heavy lifting to just show up because your whole life is laid out to support that. And with commuter practice, you have to. You have to... Figure out how to work it into your schedule. Are you going to drive? Are you going to carpool? How are you going to bike? Are you going to get there? And you have to fit it all in. And there's also not as much monitoring necessarily or enforcement unless perhaps you're working very closely with a teacher.

[13:38]

There isn't so much of people noticing what you're doing and what you're not. And this can very... Of course, but ultimately, I think that having yourself to rely on, you know, just saying, all right, I am practicing and I am going to do this because, you know, not because somebody's checking some box, but because of something else, fill in the blank, but that you then do that. You harness that way-seeking mind to go and actually do something. Also, sometimes if you're living a commuter practice life in community, you won't be able to do stuff. You just won't be able to participate in some things. And that's valuable too, actually. Like a lot of times commuter, if you have a job out in the commercial world and you get a certain number of days of vacation a year, you know, they don't also, most companies have...

[14:46]

sashim leave or some time where you can go on meditative retreats or something, they say, oh, all right, so I get 10 days of vacation a year. And I want to sit a seven-day sashim and what else? How am I going to? And it's tricky. You can't do it all. And, of course, you can't do it all in residential practice either, but it's all laid out for you. You can do that. So... So actually having it laid all out for you can be... It can make it less... It can make it seem less important. It can make it seem like what you're doing is just going by momentum. And... commuter practice, you see the community in a bunch of different ways.

[16:02]

You check in with it and then you go home. And actually, we all do this. We all go to our room. We all go and have our own lives. But there's an importance that can come from having to work up the inspiration to go and practice that can feed you. So when it's feeding you in your practice, what is it feeding? What is being nourished by coming to the Zen Center or by sitting quietly with a cup of tea in the morning at your kitchen table, whatever your practice is, what is being nourished by that? and what is being experienced. And one of the key components of this, I believe, which comes forth quite strongly in community practice, is intimacy, which can be a tricky word because it has a lot of connotations in our common usage, mostly around physical intimacy and so forth.

[17:15]

But intimacy, what are we doing? And that's actually what we're doing in this practice, is intimacy. That's... I like this story. We chant the names Doan Kanshi Dayosho and Ryozan Enkan Dayosho, right? And so Ryozan was the Jisha of Doan. Ryozan Enkan was Jisha of Doan Kanshi. And one day, the student handed his teacher his robe. And the teacher asked the student, what is the business beneath the patched robe? And... student had no answer, and so then the teacher said, to wear this robe and not understand the great matter is the greatest suffering. You asked me. So the student asked, what is the business underneath the patched robe? And the teacher said, intimacy.

[18:16]

Intimacy. So Ryozan then had a breakthrough and bowed and tears of joy were flowing, it said, and And there's a way in which getting to know things in an unmediated way, particularly through Zazen practice, is different from any other kind of self-discovery or learning that we do throughout our lives. If we get to know something... truly in an unmediated way with ourselves, which we can do, which we are kind of forced to do in Zazen. There's nothing else going on except that wall and you and the whole world. And so... So intimacy is what we're doing.

[19:22]

It's not a theme or an aspect of... what we do it's it that's what we do and the more intimacy we can engage with the deeper we can see the differences that are made when we have our eyes open about what it is that we're doing and having your eyes open about what it is that you're doing can be unsettling actually quite a lot and especially for people who are often drawn to practice you know most very few people devote their lives to zen practice because everything is going well for them you know actually most people you know have even if they don't know it explicitly there's something that's not you know satisfied that they're yearning for and uh whatever the practical reasons are that they come to practice i certainly had reasons that were not because i thought i was suffering and i wanted you know there were other reasons and then i found out later oh wow i'm i was suffering and look at how i'm growing and then

[20:24]

So you learn, though, that you're okay. That's what you learn. You're okay. Sometimes when we don't think we're okay, The fear that rises up is just crippling. And actually this comes in small and large ways all throughout the day, not thinking that we're okay. But when we practice in community, we see that actually being okay is what we return to, no matter what kind of storm has blown through or what kind of interpersonal challenges there have been. And you gain trust over time, at least I have, that this came back together, this thing.

[21:30]

It came back together. And I'm okay. It's okay. I'm okay. And it's not the same as being safe or shielded. It's very different from that, actually. But being okay is when we have deep trust in the laws of cause and effect then we know that things are not happening for an accidental reason things are happening for causal reasons in other words things aren't self arising or randomly occurring they're occurring because they were caused by something there may not be an order or a sense to it but nothing is a monster that rises up in itself actually everything was caused by something It's just laws of physics and the laws of Buddhism. That's what the teaching says. So learning to make manifest this being okay, that allows you to... It allows you not to worry.

[22:50]

And over time, I think... it snowballs, and that the more you realize at the end that you're okay, then maybe you give the next thing a little bit more of the benefit of the doubt, because you've seen that actually, you know, it's okay. And in community practice, we do this all the time because of our intimacy. We are in a space together, doing things together, rubbing up against each other in good and not so good ways. Sometimes it's very nice to rub up against somebody and sometimes it's not. And so when things go bad, which they will, there's so much structure and so much clarity around everything that actually when it comes back together, you just keep walking. And... And that's being okay.

[23:54]

That's what intimacy is, I think, is knowing yourself well enough to just keep walking. Life's full of challenges. This is the truth. And a lot of times things don't go the way we would script them out. And there's a great drive, I think, whether it's in our society, our culture, there's some kind of impulse that we often have in each one of us to feel like we're not okay. It seems like that ought to be what we do, is feel not okay. Oh, I'm not okay. What's wrong here? How am I getting through this? How do I survive this? you can know in the sense of really personally knowing it intimately when you feel your feet on the ground or you feel your knees on the cushion you can exhale and know that regardless what else I'm okay and it's much

[25:26]

It's a much more rapid process, I think, often when we practice with whatever capacity, with community, even if online, if we have a community of people, it's just you feel, if you don't feel as if you're a lone wolf having to do it on your own, then you can see, oh yes, this other person's okay too. And then you hear about people's lives, you say, wow, that person had the same experience that I did, or that person had a much more horrible experience than I did, and they're okay. So that's the encouragement of community, I think, is seeing people and knowing people and allowing your inherent wholeness to become the basis from which you operate rather than your insecurity.

[26:31]

You operate from your wholeness rather than your insecurity. And we gain confidence through our experience with other people. And by the way, community, there could be lots of different communities that you practice with. If anybody doesn't have a Zen center that it's very easy for them to get to, that's fine. Communities that don't even know you're a part of them can be very viable ways of engaging with other people. And you are the only one who can do your practice. That's why, you know, in this tradition we have this... Yes, there are classes and there are things we study, but actually... Most of the, well, I think strictly speaking, all of the actual work is only work that you can do yourself.

[27:33]

Even if you have a brilliant teacher, you might be able to point things out, but only you can do it yourself. And so learning what true security is, It's not illusory security where you build up walls around it, but security in the sense of ability to be resilient. When you learn that, then you're much more free than if you build this most solid structure you can imagine. So that's what I hope for you. I hope that you know... Or just please know, please know that you are okay and you are wanted and you are wonderful. And I think that's why we do this practice.

[28:39]

To recognize that each one of us is not just okay, but also wonderful. This is one of the great gifts of getting to know everybody in practice period, intimately, engaging with the business underneath the patch robe, is that you really see every person as a valid person who is their own unique, beautiful self. And sometimes you might see somebody as a, you know, lousy person who is a kind of an annoying self in relation to you. But, oh, give it time. Give it time. Because everybody... People only do harmful things because of suffering. They don't do harmful things because they themselves are inherently evil.

[29:41]

They do it because they themselves were suffering. So I'm wondering if you have any questions about this, about intimacy, about community, or about being okay. Yes, Mimi. I think it's... Being okay is... It's not in contrast to being not okay.

[30:48]

You know, it's... I think it very much is finding your place where you are. I think that when I have felt not okay, it's because I was over here and the situation that I was engaging with was over here. I think that finding my place where I actually am and not... I mean, you are actually always where you are, but sometimes we think we're not. We think we're in somewhere else. And I think that is... That's what being okay is, is being here. And not having some part of your mind torn out into this other engagement. When you find your place where you are, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point. When you find your place where you are, that's the sense in which, and I'm very glad you asked that, because that's the sense in which I mean of being okay, is actually being here.

[31:55]

You know, being not... mired into this trap of suffering because some part of us is somewhere else. So my Dharma name, Zenkai, means perfect openness, perfect or complete openness.

[33:04]

And I think one of the reasons my teacher gave that to me is because, based off of various karmic conditions, I had not willingly opened, ever, really. or here and there, and then thought better of it. And so, when I did my Tongario practice period at Tassajara, I was really exploring this idea of, is it okay to be open? Is it okay? What is okay? What is okayness? What is security? How am I doing now? And I asked the teacher of the practice period. In a public question and answer, I said, I'm wrestling with this.

[34:24]

Do I open up or do I close down? It doesn't seem like I can ever find out. And I said, well, yeah, both ways are difficult. He said, both ways are hard, but actually then one way leads to liberation and the other leads to eternal suffering. So it's your choice. They're both difficult. But opening up is at least liberation. And I said, well, is it safe? This is in front of the whole sangha where I've just been feeling out. Is it safe? Is it safe? And he said, no, no, Nothing is safe.

[35:28]

What do you mean, it's not safe? He said, opening up is not safe. You can't get hurt. Closing down is not safe. You can't get hurt. So neither one is safe. But one leads to liberation, and the other leads to destruction. Eternal suffering. And then he said, well, why don't you ask the community? And I turned around in the, this was in the Zendo at Tassahara, I turned around and looked around at people and I said, can I be open? Will you support me to be myself? And... everyone enthusiastically cheered, yeah, all right, yeah, there's all this, yeah, let's do it.

[36:33]

And then one fellow in the back corner yelled out, except on Sundays. And the weight that dropped off of me when I finally, you know, neither one is safe. Neither one is safe, but I'm in this community, I have nothing but intimacy all the time. And actually, I'm finding out all the time, everyone else can see my stuff, so I may as well be honest with myself about my stuff. And so that's one example of when I really felt... I felt my feet on the ground, you know? I felt my feet on the ground where I was, and I felt as if I had lost... 200 pounds, and could walk freely. Yes, ma'am.

[37:37]

Yes. Yes. And I think a lot of people don't know that they are practicing Zen. I know a lot of people who have one or another type of body practices, whether it's jogging or swimming, and they're not athletes, but this is the time, and they don't have something else going on, and they fully engage with their body. They settle into where they are, feel their feet on the ground, and you hear people talking, oh, you know, I haven't gone jogging in two weeks because of this injured foot. And boy, I'm feeling... And they don't say, oh, I'm feeling restless like I want to go jogging. They talk about how they're starting to cloud up and starting to suffer.

[38:54]

And so... This practice that we do is all around us. It's around, you know, penetrating everything, right? And we can find a very explicit version of it in a building like this with people wearing these kind of robes and, you know, it's kind of like explicit. You know, all right, here, here, you know, here. But it's not a thing itself. You know, like doing this stuff and being in this building and wearing these robes, that's not practice. it's a way of putting it right in your face, of putting practice right in your face because there's so much explicit stuff that you're doing and everything is set up to slow us down and step into the zendo with a certain foot and feel ourself in this place. All the forms are to checking in with where we are actually right now. But that's not... That shouldn't be conflated with practice.

[39:58]

Practice is... the business of waking up to reality as it is and to settling and calming yourself, not calming yourself, but settling into the reality of what's going on. And so I think people who don't practice Zen can definitely engage with community and find intimacy and feel okay with and wake up. I think it's often easier when you have some help and guidance and support. But I don't think we have a corner on the market. And I think that we're out of time. Thank you all. I hope that... Hope that you found something useful, some encouragement in here.

[41:01]

That's what these talks are for, is for encouragement. I can't do any practice for you, but I can maybe talk with you about what I've seen, and hopefully it is useful or encouraging to you. Thank you all very much for coming. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge. and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[41:44]

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