This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning, everyone. Most of you know me, but for those who don't, I'm Ed Zadizan, and I'm the City Center of Fighting Habits. It's my great pleasure to to say a few introductory words about my dear friend Ed Brown. When I first arrived at Tassara in 1970, Ed was already one of the iconic figures. He was ordained by Suzuki Roshi in 1971, and published a whole series of cookbooks, which many of you have read Tassara, or Cook, Pete and Tassara wrote the book. In fact, I sometimes think more people would come to film center It's probably true.

[01:03]

Ed Brown was one of my early Shusos when he grew up in the 70s when I was down in Plotty Heart. And then I had the great pleasure of coming up to the city and I was the vice president of businesses while Ed was the president. We just had the greatest time in building many businesses together. We were referred practically as Ed number one Ed number two. No, of course, it's the other way around. No, no, Ed, you're still memorable. So when I did eventually become president of Zen Center, Ed went off and played an instrumental role in the development of the restaurant, which was our biggest business venture. I could tell you many stories about that, but, you know, save some time, because I know he's going to tell stories about his dangerous, which I'm always wonderful to hear. Anyway, he did participate in the first Green's cookbook with Deborah Mankison and helped make Green's the successful restaurant that it was.

[02:12]

I also want to mention one other cookbook that he did that I love enormously that not many people read is Tomato Blessings, Read Teachings. And there's so many beautiful anecdotes about his life. This is the direction you can get his netbook. If you can find it, I would definitely recommend reading it. Plus, it has a few good recipes. And there was a movie made, a documentary about death called How to Cook Your Life, which is another one of the things that you can come across. And currently, you're reading The Peaceful Seasong Trip, up in the center zone. I'm so pleased to have you here. Good morning. That's quite an introduction, thank you.

[03:22]

I'm honored to be here this morning. I don't lecture here very much. I think it's probably been about five years, so see you again in another five years. Just one addition to what Mr. Abiding Abbott has said. You know, he mentioned being in a movie, and then he also mentioned the peaceful sea may not be always so peaceful. But there is a movie, and a woman named Doris Dury made the movie. She's a German film director for many years. And she used to say to me while we were making the movie, Ed, you're in a movie because you're not Thich Nhat Hanh and you're not the Dalai Lama. LAUGHTER and people are going to be able to relate to you because you have an express emotion.

[04:29]

And then she used to say to me, you're not being emotional enough while we were filming. And at the end, she said, towards the end, we were down at Tessahara, and she said, Ed, the film crew and I are getting together. We're opening a bottle of wine tonight, and we want you to come and join us. So we sat in the Sycamore Grove, Tassajara, drinking red wine, and Doris said to me, Ed, we want you to get really angry tomorrow. It's going to help the movie. I said, I'm sorry, Doris, I've done enough anger in my life. And she said, but Ed, it's just a movie, okay? I said, but everybody is going to think it's me. They're not going to realize it's an act. Anyway, so instead of the last day, instead of getting angry, I burst into tears.

[05:35]

So that became the finale of the movie, my bursting into tears. Any of you have seen it or will. So there you have it. I'm not Thich Nhat Hanh. I'm not the Dalai Lama. It's a little bit like that Zen story. The Zen master comes back to town and people are gathering around and one person says to another, what's the fuss about the garbage collector's son? Because they don't all know that he's famous. He's the garbage collector's son. So here I am, the garbage collector's son. Pleased to meet you. Thank you. So I decided to talk today about way-seeking mind, because in many ways it's the epitome or heart of Zen practice, the mind that seeks the way and cultivating your capacity to seek the way. And the interesting thing here, or the really important or pivotal thing here, is that way-seeking mind is not the same as getting it right.

[06:45]

And one of the things that Suzuki Roshi emphasized, if I tell you what to do, you'll stick to it. And you will lose your mind that seeks the way. You will lose your way-seeking mind because you will just try to do what I tell you. So please, you know, find your way, your own way. And recently, the story that's come back to me that... Many stories have come back to me about this, but I'll start with the one. When I first got to Tassajara, I had been the cook at Tassajara the previous summer, 1965, when it was still a resort. And my friend and I, Alan Winter and I, sat Sousin in one of the cabins, which has since been disappeared. And Suzuki Roshi and people from Zen Center came down a couple times that summer. And we, at that point, thought we would buy the horse pasture.

[07:49]

We ended up being able to buy Tassajara. And because I'd had two months of experience working in the kitchen cooking, Zen Center said, why don't you be the cook for our new monastery at Tassajara? And not knowing any better, I said, well, sure, of course. And so I got down there sometime in April or May, early May, I think, in 1967. We officially opened Tassajara July the 4th, 1967. And when I started to work in the kitchen, the people in the kitchen told me, you need to know, but we don't use salt. I'm sorry, but I happen to think it was an essential part of cooking.

[08:54]

But I didn't want to. I said, well, why don't you use salt? And they said, well, it's bad for you. You know. I didn't know, so I said, no, I didn't know. And they said, well, it is. It's bad for you. Like, everybody knows that, apparently, but you. So when I had a chance, I made an appointment to see, or maybe at that time you could just go knock on Suzuki Roshi's calendar. Yoo-hoo! May I talk to you? So I told Suzuki Roshi what was happening, and they said, you know, I went to work in the kitchen, and they told me, well, we don't use salt here. I don't know what I'm going to do. What should I do? And he said, you're the cook. You do what you want.

[09:57]

That was relief. This is a very interesting point. You're the cook. You know, we're each the cook. You're the cook. I'm the cook. Each of us is the cook. When you're in your own space, when you're in your own house, when you're in your own body, here, present, you're the cook. When you're in a community space, then you need to relate with others, and still you're the cook. Occasionally I teach cooking classes, I ask people, please do what I ask. When you get home, you can do what you want to do, because You're the cook. But part of being the cook is you keep studying how to cook. So part of your study is not just to do what you've always done, the way you've always done it, and expect the results to be different, but you would study what to do today, at this moment, at this time in your life.

[11:21]

What will you do? And this is, it turns out, you know, very challenging. Because if you're the cook, people get to criticize you. And other people will say, that's not right. I don't like this. You're not doing it the way you're supposed to. And then you go, but... So I'll tell you another story about Suzuki Ushi. Early on at Tesahara, there we were, and one day there, we had tea with Suzuki Ushi. It was in the afternoon. We didn't do this very often. And... Suzuki Roshi talked for a few minutes, and then he said, does anybody have any questions? And one of the students said, Roshi, why haven't you enlightened me yet?

[12:30]

That seemed kind of offensive to me, but a little rude. My goodness, I mean, when his son, Hoitsu, came to Tassajara with 16 abbots, or 15 abbots, nobody would even sit next to him, let alone ask why they haven't enlightened them yet. Because that was how you respected him, to not sit next to him, to give him space. But one of the students said, why haven't you enlightened me yet? And Roshi said, I'm making my best effort. This is very interesting because, of course, it doesn't do to argue. And then he didn't say, which I sort of, you know, in my world at the time, I would have thought he could say, and how about you? Are you making your best effort? But this is a very interesting point because, of course, in Zen we say everybody's making their best effort.

[13:45]

Everybody, we're each making our best effort. And at the same time, as a teacher and as a student of Zen, I try to study what is the way and see what I might learn. It's of course interesting to me that those of us who knew Suzuki Roshi, you know, we won't be here much longer. So what this means is Zen will be up to you. You know, it will be up to you to know your own, to find your own way, to realize Zen, to realize Buddhism.

[15:00]

to realize yourself, to re-inhabit your body, your mind, to show up, to be present, to respond to the reality of the moment. This leads me to another interesting point, or there's several interesting things, of course, about having... studied Zen at that time. One is that Suzuki Rishi had a stick, and he would hit you. And of course, nowadays, hitting people, I mean, you know, it's big news, like in football even now, you know, because a football player knocked his fiance out in the elevator. Apparently people have been watching it on the, wherever you watch these things, I don't know. But when Suzuki Rishi hit you, everything disappeared.

[16:05]

Everything. There was no up or down. There was no forward or back. There were no thoughts, no feelings. There wasn't even, you couldn't even say there was something or nothing. It was really quite remarkable. And then... oftentimes you would think, well, wait a minute, where's reality? How was I doing that? Wait a minute, there must be some way to put these things together so that it seems like there's a world and there's people and there's me and where are they? And then you see if you could get some semblance of reality back again. So nowadays this is considered punishment or abuse. We can't do it anymore. We can't hit somebody and have you wake up.

[17:07]

You have to be a Japanese Zen teacher to do this. He's gone. So what will you do to have that kind of experience of waking up? So when we first moved in here, you know, before there was a floor downstairs, it was, as some of you may have heard, black and white linoleum tile. It had been the dance hall. This room had been the sitting room, and there were overstuffed chairs and things in here. Since it was a Jewish residence for women, this is where the men would wait while the women came downstairs. In the parlor. This was the parlor. So... When we still had the black and white tile on the floor, I lived here for a while, one year, 71. And one day, Suzuki Rishi said to me, Ed, you're sitting way in the back of the zendo.

[18:12]

The altar for the zendo was towards the library at that end of the room. And then I was sitting way in the back or sometimes in the hallway. And Suzuki Rishi said to me, you're sitting way in the back of the zendo. And you know, your sitting is pretty good. You stay awake and alert for about 30 minutes. Then you start drifting and falling asleep. I want you to sit right in front of me. And when you start to doze and fall asleep, I'm going to get up and hit you. And I thought, a couple things, but you know, oh my gosh. I thought, It was such love. He's going to hit me. He'll get up from his meditation to do that. And so, of course, then I wanted to sit even more. I didn't want to disturb his meditation.

[19:13]

So I would try to stay awake. But then after about 30 minutes, he'd put a stick on my shoulder. And then he'd hit twice. Bap, bap. And then the other shoulder. And then I'd wake up. Everything disappeared. What's right and what's wrong? What's good and what's bad? How will you know what to do? You have the mind that seeks the way now. Everything disappears. Where do you even start? A few years later, I was here. We were having Sashin. I was sitting out there. Roshi was sitting over here giving the talk. And he started talking.

[20:18]

It was the third or fourth morning of Sashin. And if you've done Sashin, where we sit 12, 14 periods a day and the three meals, it's challenging. Your legs hurt or your back hurts and your various things are a problem. And Roshi said, the difficulties that you are now experiencing will continue. I thought for sure he was going to say, until you get enlightened or something like this. But he said, the difficulties you are now experiencing will continue. for the rest of your life. And we all burst into laughter because we thought Zen was gonna help us not have the problems that we were having.

[21:23]

Will Zen help you not have the problems that you're having? And I, even then, even though he said this, I thought, well, maybe for other people, but not for me. I can do better than that. But, you know, he was right. Problems have continued. So what is the way? Is the way to find out how to not have problems? How to... how to clear things up how to clear away your distress and your difficulty and what's the way and of course one of his famous sayings was um you should practice enough so that hindrances become an opportunity for you to practice I will tell you another story that these days is even more controversial than hitting people with a stick because we don't do that.

[22:43]

That's not spiritual. And it's true. When Americans hit each other with sticks, it feels more like punishment. You bad boy. Bam, bam. You're falling asleep. Bam, bam. So it didn't feel good when your fellow students hit you. But if Suzuki Roshi or Katagiri Roshi or Kobanchino hit you, then you... Everything is empty. Space is clear. What is the way? So this story, there was a student at Tassajara... Again, this is in the 60s. And he had become a vegetarian. But he wasn't, I mean, we were all vegetarian.

[23:47]

We were at Tassajara. And it's all vegetarian food. But he was becoming vegetarian where he would tell everybody how important it is to be vegetarian. And so this is, you know, so is this Zen? Is this the mind that seeks the way? Or what is this? Well, he was right. You know, he knew he was right. This is the right. So one day he happened to be the driver and drove Suzuki Roshi into town. You know, Tassara is two hours from Carmel. town is a long ways off, over the 14-mile dirt road and through Carmel Valley and Carmel Valley Village and on into Monterey and Carmel. So after they'd been shopping for a while, Suzuki Rishi said, let's have lunch.

[24:50]

So the student was a little concerned, where are they going to be able to get vegetarian food? And before he could find a suitable place, Rishi said, let's eat there. It was a diner. This is, remember, the 60s. We started with Greens, one of the first vegetarian restaurants in the United States, which is not the subject of my talk today, but there weren't very many vegetarian restaurants. So the student, because it was Suzuki Roshi, agreed, okay, so they stopped, and they got out, and they went in, and the student, they were sitting in, you know, a booth, an old-fashioned diner. And they looked at the menu, and the student was very relieved to see he could order a grilled cheese sandwich. And so when the waitress came around, he said he'd like a grilled cheese sandwich.

[25:55]

And Suzuki Rishi said, I'd like a hamburger double meat. But then after a while the food came and they each took a bite or two of their sandwich and then Suzuki Rishi said to the student, how's your sandwich? And the student said, oh, it's good, it's good. And Suzuki Rishi said, I don't like mine, let's switch. And he grabbed the plates and switched them. This is not allowed anymore. Now the students would just switch them back. Roshi, you're confused. Eating, being vegetarian is the right way to eat. And even more so vegan. Being vegan is the right way to eat. And you are wrong. You are wrong to be eating the way that you are.

[26:57]

And maybe you just didn't grow up in a civilized place like we have here in America and a compassionate, we didn't have the kind of compassionate background that we've grown up with here in America. You don't understand reality and what's right and what's wrong. You don't get it. So sorry, but I'm going to eat what's right and you're going to have to make do with your bad ways. It was another era. But I will tell you a different story, which I heard from a friend of mine, Ruvain. I don't know what's happened to Ruvain. Ruvain moved to Taiwan about 30 years ago. And the last I saw him, which is about five years ago, Ruvain had been eating only raw food for 10 years. And for the last four years before I saw him, he'd been photographing every dish he'd made and eaten.

[28:03]

This is not just the right way to do it, but you're going to archive it. Bless his heart. I love Ruvain. The time before that I'd seen Ruvain, he'd come here to City Center for the Abbott, an Abbott installation. It might have been Norman or somebody. forget who. And we were in the dining room and I was, there's a huge spread of food, you know, and so I was eating and eating different things and Ruvain wasn't eating. I said, Ruvain, you're, excuse me, but you're not eating anything. And Ruvain said, you know, in a few minutes, I'm going to go upstairs to my room and I'm going to eat two cocoa beans, you know, two raw cocoa beans. And you know, if you haven't eaten and you eat two raw cocoa beans, you get really high. And I said, not one, not three?

[29:07]

He said, no, Ed, two cocoa beans. But you have to have not eaten for a while before this. So Ruvain was a student of this. So it turned out, so when I saw, the next time I saw Ruvain, he came and stayed with me for five days, he and his girlfriend and his daughter. This was the daughter by the Chinese girlfriend or the Chinese wife, the Chinese wife, because he has two grown, a son and a daughter here, who are, you know, 45 or something now, you know, about my daughter's age. And while they were at my house, they would not let me not cook for them. I mean, they were eating raw food, so I wouldn't have been cooking for them anyway. But they wouldn't let me not cook.

[30:12]

I mean, offer them not cooked food. They had to make it themselves. And they would go to the good earth in Fairfax, and they would... It's been about an hour or more at the good earth. Deciding what to get. Anyway, so Ravain told me this story about, back at Tessahara, and I knew some of this, but he had been the gardener for a while, and he was my roommate, or room next door to me. And he would eat things from the garden. He'd go through the garden and browse. He'd eat things from the garden. And at one point, he was on the Essene Gospel of John diet. where you eat grapes for a month and then raisins for a month and then wheat for a month and barley for a month. I don't know. Whatever it is, he did it. So at this one point, he was just eating from the garden.

[31:13]

And then in the zendo, he would only eat what was in the third bowl. Well, if you know our tradition, and our tradition goes back to the early Buddhist tradition, if you go out begging, you don't say to people, Oh, no, I don't want that. I'd like that. And, you know, you don't tell them, I only have organic. Was this organic? And, you know, you just receive in your begging bowl. And nowadays, apparently, way too many people are giving way too much meat because that's a lot of merit to give meat to the monks. So then they get way too much protein in meat and they don't have enough. They have digestive problems with eating too much protein. apparently. I don't know that, you know, I don't study these things in detail, but hearsay. And so our tradition is, when you're in the zendo and you have your three bowls, you accept some of each bowl, like you're in the original time of receiving whatever is given to you, and you have a little bit of each bowl.

[32:15]

So Ruvain would just say no thank you to the first bowl, no thank you to the second bowl, and only receive the food in the third bowl. So like at lunch, that would be usually like bread and then a soup, And then the salad, so he was only going to eat the salad in the third bowl. So, of course, students noticed this, and then they would say to Ruvain, you know, our tradition is to eat some of what's served in each bowl. You should be eating something from each bowl. And Ruvain would say, uh-huh, I got it, I got it, okay. Then you just keep eating only the third bowl. So finally, one day, Suzuki Roshi called him in. This is what I finally heard from Ruvain. I got the story. And Suzuki Rishi said, Ruvain, I hear you have an unusual eating practice in the zendo. You're only eating what's in the third bowl. What's this about? And Ruvain said, I'm studying to find out what happens when I only eat what's in the third bowl.

[33:20]

And Suzuki Garcia said, oh, that's great. You should always be studying to find out something, to find out things. And so Ruvain went on doing it. So if Ruvain had said, well, I'm only going to eat the raw food that's in the third bowl, then this would have been a problem. But because he was finding out, Suzuki Garcia said, okay. So this... This, of course, brings up, not of course, but the most famous story, probably about all of this in some ways, is the time at Sokoji, the Zen Center before here over on Bush Street. One night, Suzuki Rishi gave a lecture, and it was during the Vietnam War. He finished his lecture and asked for questions, and somebody in the very back of the room said, Roshi, there's a peace march on Saturday. Shouldn't we all be going to the march and trying to stop the war?

[34:27]

Isn't that Zen? That's what we should be doing, right? We should all go to the march. And Suzuki Roshi had that kind of selective lack of hearing or suddenly didn't understand English. What? And so then a student in the very front row said, Roshi, he said, shouldn't we all be going to the march? Isn't that the right thing to do? Shouldn't we be marching to stop the war? Isn't that what we should do? And Suzuki Ushi leapt up from his seat and started hitting the man in the front row. And, of course, he knew to get his head out of the way. And Roshi was hitting him. I wasn't there, but, you know, Lou Richman, various people were there. And Roshi was what appeared to be angry, but he was saying, where do you think the war is?

[35:35]

Bam, bam, bam. The war is right here. Bam, bam, right on your cushion. Bam, bam. What do you think? Where do you think that war is? And then he sat down and he said, I'm not angry. So I distinguish now between anger and wrath. For anger, you have to be justified. Wrath is just your intense expression of where you're coming from. But anyway, the point is, if you said to Suzuki Roshi, Roshi, on Saturday... there's a one-day sitting here at Zen Center, but I think I'm going to go to the Peace March. Roshi would say, okay. Or if you said, Roshi, there's a sitting here and there's a Peace March on Saturday, but I'm going to come to the sitting here. He would say, okay. You're the driver.

[36:39]

You're the cook. It's up to you. But why would you think that you're going to tell everybody else what the right thing is? Or that you're going to do something because it's the right thing. And you're going to defend yourself. Because you're doing what's right, you want everybody else to do what's right, and you're going to stick to that. Rather than, I'm studying, this is the best I know today. I'm making my best effort. This is the best I know today, and I will study and see if there's something better to do tomorrow. This is not just, of course, Suzuki Rishi, but Dogen, our tradition. Study carefully. Suzuki Rishi said, whatever happens, whether you think it's good or it's bad, whether you think it's right or it's wrong, study carefully. See what you can find out.

[37:42]

see what you can find out. Just to say briefly, but this mind that seeks the way is very closely related to realizing your true nature.

[38:51]

Your true nature is, Dogen says, you should strive to hit the mark. And he said, hitting the mark is realizing that you are Buddha on the spot without changing anything about your body or mind. Realizing you are Buddha on the spot. This is also known as the core of your being. The core of your being is holy. It's connected already with, you know, everything. Down to the core of the earth, up to the highest source.

[39:58]

Most of us get away from our core, aiming to do what we've heard is right. And you know that has its place. It has its place throughout our life to aim to live in harmony with other beings, to benefit all beings. This is part of our core desire, wish. So doing what's right has its place. But if you think about it, you'll realize that if you spend your time having experiences and then assessing your score, evaluating yourself, how good, how bad was it?

[40:59]

Was it right? Was it wrong? Are you good? Are you bad? Are you getting better? Are you getting worse? Are you getting somewhere? Are you not getting anywhere? Then you'll spend all your time doing that. And you won't be giving any attention to your core, to your true nature. You won't be studying the way. You won't be realizing the way to actually be yourself, to have your core manifest through you in connection with the world. That's just, you know, how could you... know what's going on in your core if you're spending all your time evaluating and assessing and measuring and how well or poorly you're doing. You can't. So you have to shift your attention. You shift your attention to what is the way. How do I do this? What can I learn? What can I find out?

[42:04]

I know something about what to do, but there may be other things to learn. So you keep studying. And of course, and I'll finish up here, I guess, I don't know, probably been talking for a while here. Oh, good, not too long. Just to say a little bit more about core or true nature, what people, you know, many, many people who met Suzuki Rishi felt like he could see, saw them. What he saw was your core, your true nature.

[43:11]

Even if you couldn't see it, he saw it. How sweet. Like the first time I met Suzuki Roshi face-to-face, I had gone to Zen Center on Bush Street, and at the end of Zazen, we'd walk out and one by one bow to him. I was 20 years old. I wondered, what will he think of me? You worry about these things, you know? He said, Master, important person, what will he think of me? Will he like me? Will he approve? Will he think highly of me? And I bowed and I looked at him and it didn't seem like he evened. There was just no change of expression. Nothing. And yet, remarkably enough, I felt completely received. Completely received.

[44:18]

So this is, Dogen says, supreme, complete, perfect enlightenment. When you meet somebody for the first time and you don't think about whether you like them or not, when you don't measure or assess them, I felt completely received. And then you can also know, oh, I've got these problems and these issues, but... I'm, you know, we're each of us a spiritual being, a Buddha on the spot. And he could see that. And, you know, people, one person after another said, I felt so completely received, so completely seen. And then when he says to you, Sit up in the front of the zendo so I can hit you. It's not because you're bad.

[45:21]

I see who you are, and I want you to be more that way. I want you to know yourself. I want you to not stick to things. I want you to clear things. I want you to have a clear mind, a clear view, be able to see things the way they are. and not stick to anything. I want you to see that. Or one time I was working in the kitchen at Tassara and I was, it's very stressful working in a Zen kitchen. You know when the bell rings you serve the food. You might think, well, of course, but I one time was teaching cooking at Karma Choling, and this is a Tibetan tradition in Trungpa Rinpoche's tradition.

[46:23]

Trungpa Rinpoche loves Suzuki Rishi so much, there's a picture of Suzuki Rishi in every Buddha hall, meditation room, at any center in the Shambhala tradition. Karma Choling, Vienna, wherever you go, there's Suzuki Rishi. Anyway, at Karmicholen, they said, when the food's ready, we'll hit the bell. So you don't have any, there's no stress, no pressure to get the food done. So people would wait. Are you stressing? When's the food coming? I'll hit the bell when it's ready. Don't worry. The morning I got there, They said, oh, we had a little disaster in the kitchen this morning. There were some new students, and they had only the newest students working in the kitchen, which is different than in the Zen tradition.

[47:26]

It's supposed to be senior people working in the kitchen. But in their tradition, working in the kitchen is not spiritual. Once you've done your work in the kitchen, then you can advance to spiritual practices. I'm sorry, I'm in the Zen tradition, so working in the kitchen is spiritual. So it turned out that morning there were some new people there, and they wanted to make scrambled eggs, and they had 300 eggs to crack. So they thought, why don't we put all the eggs in the Hobart mixer, we'll turn the mixer on, it will crack the eggs, and then we can strain out the egg from the shells. Well, it was kind of a brilliant idea, but the eggs don't strain from the shells. They're way too slimy. Anyway, in this introduction, it's very stressful, so I would get regularly quite stressed trying to make sure the food was ready on time and what needs to be done next and how much time was left and who was going to do what.

[48:37]

And I eventually learned I get better and better at this to track what needs to get done and to readjust and to change and to sort through things. Anyway, the stuff you do. one day I was in the midst of all this stress and anxiety and pressure and tension, and I heard this voice saying, calling my name Ed. But, you know, the person being called didn't seem to be someone who was at all stressed. So it was a little confusing. Who is being called? That's my name, Ed. But... That doesn't seem like any Ed I know or have ever met before. Like the most beautiful, wonderful, lovable person you could ever hope to meet. And I looked up and there was Suzuki Roshi in the doorway. And he called my name again, Ed.

[49:41]

And, you know, he could do that. He could call you. Not, you know, your true nature, your core. And then, you know, this energy starts going up and down my spine. That's your core energy up and down the spine. And then everything was luminous and the whole world disappeared except for what was luminous. I didn't know that's who I was. But, you know, this is the capacity. When you look for it, you start to see it. When you look for... your true nature, when you look for your core, when you have your ground, your connection down and up, and you're inside, you're not just, am I doing it right, but you're studying what is the way.

[50:45]

So on one hand, you know, it's Suzuki Roshi, and on the other hand, you know, it's each of us. You can shift where you put your attention. When you put your attention into what is good, what is bad, where are you off, and you try to fix that, it will be endless. Because you know what, it's like a cook says, you know, you're only as good as your last meal. You're only as good as your last performance. What will you do next? Now you're assessing yourself again. When will you be inside, in your core being, in your Buddha nature, and study how to express that. Seek the way. So, again, as someone who won't be here much longer, and many of you will be here much longer than I, I wish you well with this. Thank you.

[51:56]

Blessings. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[52:27]

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