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for years
welcome
yeah beautiful glad to be live morning him to gringo because i'd start with the glad to be alive palm
we'll get to the more miserable one later
and this is that
derek madam waking on a morning such as this on the east coast of ireland looking out over the irish sea
i'm in a deeply passionate marriage with his
with his work and but more importantly with their with life with the frontier the work has taken to him taken him to in my
we're working with the three marriages and a very wide interpretation of marriage because you have the marriage with another person which is the received understanding of marriage and when i speak about marriage with another person i mean official or not whether you're in a partnership whatever gender
you are in my presidential campaign
the i am for gay marriage so
i may not be able to take alabama but
the
and even if you don't have a partner at the moment the longing for a person who is actually over the horizon is a kind of marriage to so this first marriage with another person includes everyone most people like and think of there are a few star watts who were very glad not
to have anyone in their life and football but usually that's a passing phase and belonging returns yes we need a little less we were and thanks very much guess is that good can you hear yes it's lovely sound actually thank you that's perfect don't touch it
and then there's the marriage with your work on i often say
your work must be a marriage otherwise why would you have put up with so much over the is you know there's something larger than the everyday grit and difficulty
that keeps you going through the door sometimes it's because you're supporting a family and that hold you to it sometimes it's because the harvest is you realize will come a few years down the way and but in the midst of it all there's some
kind of remembering have a greater context that you're attempting all the time and then that's that the most difficult marriage while perhaps with which is the marriage with that changing movable eccentric frontier called your self and staying staying
close to yourself close to the frontier of where you actually are i often think you know hall like this well
were steeped in the discipline of silence and will take some time for silence because we should take advantage of the of the atmosphere in here and the amount of silence that's actually in the walls and ingrained in the flaws here
to for results take a step in that direction but there's a there's a tremendous marriage with silence which is necessary in order to understand who you are now
independent of the cacophony of inherited voices and inherited voices from your culture from your society but also inherited voices from the previous epochs of your own existence
who you are a few years ago who you were just a few months ago who you were yesterday but to have the freedom to appear you know right
at the edge
i'm having an interesting experience in my life right now and frontier of having spent you know twenty odd years
ah making a place for myself as a port and first of all saying it in a whispered to myself and then to a few people that i knew and then out loud and then to insurance agents and
the border guards and passport forms you know poet just and and then having in many ways inhabited them house know lived in that house it suddenly the name poet isn't important to me anymore i suddenly
so there's some other frontier which is appearing but of course is a tremendous inheritance of that there was a a necessity at a certain title epoch in my life to be the port and it was it was a real necessity there was nothing illusionary about it as far as i can feed
i may change my mind later in the day but
but so who's here now and as was writing my last book of poetry that was one of the great
dynamics of writing it was a pleasurable exploration a willingness to say who's here now who's had actually alive and and what do you want and who do you want to be with and how would you want to be with them and how do you want to be in this world
in a sense of a sense of freedom
independent of the daily as necessary constraints of your work your relationship and the life you built that you call yourself
so this is this is the title poem from
how know i was going to start with doug and was nice like
why should i not be glad to contemplate the clouds clearing beyond the dormer window and the high tide reflected on the feeling so during monday's an irish sports so he's he's waking up at the frontier not only of his own life but of all the irish reports that have been before him
and it's quite a radical thing for an irish port to write about happiness yeah so he's got this incredible inheritance of last behind him and this inheritance of losses nurtured him because his chested and said about the irish are a strange people out there love songs of fad and all a war zone with you're happy and it's true
through about so here he has this tremendous gift which has nurtured him how to ah
how to live in the world and feel just as irish when you're defeated and destroyed as you would if you if you were successful
in fact i and only just beginning to explore what it means to be successful and the modern or postmodern sense of the of the word
and so he's having to clear away because he's going to write a poem about happiness this is a whole departure and he's having to you can feel him on the back foot in the first line he has he saying why should i not be glad it's a defensive line and that they were excellent why should i not be glad to contemplate the clouds clearing beyond the dormer window and the high tide
i reflected on the feeling that will be dying that will be dying but there is no need to go into tibet
the palm flow from the hand unbidden
the palms flow from the hand unbidden and the hidden sauce is the watchful heart the sun will rise in spite of everything and the far cities are beautiful and bright i lie here in a riot of sunlight watching the daybreak and the clouds flying everything everything everything
is going to be all right
the could turn that down little bit more actually why should i not be glad to contemplate the clouds clearing beyond the dharma window and a high tide reflected on the ceiling there will be dying that will be dying but there is no need to go into that the palms flow from the hand and
when and the hidden sauce the hidden sauce is the watchful ha the hidden solve if the watch for her the sun will rise in spite of everything and the far cities are beautiful and bright i lie here in a riot of sunlight watching the daybreak and the clouds flying everything everything
ing it's going to be all right
so there's an astonishing frontier and everything how many times you driving on the way to work saying to yourself with utter conviction everything is going to be all right
and across the line and there's only meaningful if you took that line just by itself you've got a very bad hallmark card but
you open the card says everything is gonna be all right thank you
but it's built on an incredible foundation and the foundational line in that poem is
the poem of flow from the hand unbidden uncalled for and the hidden sauce is the watchful heart because he's saying that he's in a profound state of attention kind of attention that you're attempting to cultivate when you sit on the black cushion in a room like this day after day week after week month
after months and you are actually cultivating a watch for heart an ability to actually appear at the frontier of your own existence not somewhere far back working the edge by remote control from the inside but actually
appearing on life's radar screen and of costs when you appear the corollary of that is that you're vulnerable
there's no way all the appearing of being in a real conversation of any kind of intimacy with another person with your work with yourself without you risking yourself
being touchable i risking i'm becoming aware of your own mortality
there will be dying that will be dying but there is no need to go into that when madden says that he's not saying just look on the sunny side of life and and be positive i think he he's saying when you living your own life you can take a hell of a lot of dying
what kills us as when were attempting to live someone else's life and then even the successes are a kind of defeat
why should i not be glad to contemplate the clouds clearing beyond the dome window and a high tide reflected on the ceiling there will be dying they will be dying but there is no need to go into that was a beautiful break for freedom few know the irish tradition that line
he's just
right at the eggs there and he's got the whole inheritance but he's also stepping out of it at the same time there will be dying there will be dying but there is no need to go into that the palms flow from the hand unbidden uncalled for and the hidden sauce the hidden source because the watch for hard the sun will
rise in spite of everything and the far cities are beautiful and bright i lie here in a riot of sunlight watching the daybreak and the clouds flying everything everything everything is going to be all right so i love that sense of freedom that you
you can feel in a good poem
i was working with a group of water engineers in oxford just a before christmas than that for the holidays and one of them came up to me at the break in of course many of them haven't touched poetry or seen it for a heat as cynical and one of them came up to me and said i don't know whether to and i don't know
whether to go in on monday morning change everything i don't know whether to resign i don't know whether to buy a harley davidson and drive off somewhere
but i thought it was a beautiful expression of the freedom that you can find in a great line
and those lines i read last night good poetry begins with the lightest touch a breeze arriving from nowhere a whispered healing arrival of settling into things than like a hand in the dark into rests the whole body stealing you for revelation in the silence that follows a great line you can feel lazarus
deep inside even the laziest most deathly afraid part of you lift up his arms lift up his hands and walk toward the light
good portrait begins with the lightest touch a breeze arriving from nowhere a whispered healing arrival a word in your ear a settling into things then like a hand in the dark it arrests the whole body stealing you for revelation
i love that moment in a room full of water engineers well
they're looking at you and they suddenly realize this is we're here to the serious stuff
after the and that and they are implicated and the worst of it is they don't want to believe you know they don't want to leave the room it's like the moment in mayor in in the ancient mariner where
the wedding guests have stopped by the ancient mariner and they can hear the sound of the wedding feast and they can hear the bells and and the singing and they can't move from the place where they rooted until the mariner is finished his tail and
this is where you are this is the frontier of your existence of costs courage was actually speaking to a whole society to at the edge of a certain kind of wild discovery and the romantic period when he wrote that piece so he's speaking not only to an individual individuals on the way to this wedding feast fad
also the whole society that was emerging at that time good poetry begins with the lightest touch
a breeze arriving from nowhere a whispered healing arrival a word in your ear or settling into things then like a hand in the dark into rests the whole body stealing you for revelation in the silence that follows a great line you can feel lazarus deep inside even the laziest mm
most deathly afraid part of you lift up his hands and walk toward the light

hmm
this poem belongs to you
this book belongs to you and is already finished
cause i wrote that without the rest of the palm being an it was a lovely that was my break for freedom that so yeah had the rest of the a
so instead of the way to the poor know how am i going to what's this about you know you've got kids yates emily dickinson looking over your shoulder just your average writing fashion the know about that
what am i going to say to advance the frontiers of human knowledge and so little break for freedom here this form belongs to you and is already finished now
it was begun years ago and i put it away knowing it would come into the world in its own time in fact you have all ready read it and closing the pages of the book are now abandoning the projects of the day and putting on your shoes and coat to take a walk
it has been long years since you felt like this you have remembered what i remembered when i first began to write
this poem belongs to you and is already finished
it was begun years ago and i put it away knowing it would come into the world and its own time in fact you have already read it you've already read it and closing the pages of the book you are now abandoning the projects of the day and putting on your shoes and coat to take a walk
it has been long years since you felt like this
you have remembered what i remembered when i first began to write
look up from that poem the whole paul is empty
people walking off and where did they go
the administration asks here
to some frontier experience
at the pelican in
huh
so we'll have a great day together and exploring these three marriages and
making ourselves dangerous again for the world that's the one of the great tasks the poetry has to make your dangerous again and but he just turned to someone sitting near to you and just have a word about what you're looking forward to in the day and what's brought you here and maybe a word or so about yourself
am as they say act as if you understand what i'm asking you to do so
it's it's worked for them for all of your educational career so why change things now
spend a few minutes just getting to know someone you haven't come with this
the you can bring yarra conversations to a graceful him conclusion
so perhaps we could just hear from a few people around the room
either something you've said yourself you surprised yourself with our are you have something you had another person saying we're looking for or you're looking for out of the day will get a feeling from
for the pilgrimage here so
i'm not only are the old baby down not him he spoke to young fisherman now but the tools they use can to the question who is resident now i'm thinking really youthful only so on
you know who who's in residency like important now one of the question presented last night it's it's a big unknown he has none of the means announcing that i'm from the past or really cutting a lot
very good now
so a friend of mine now patrick mccormick that's in county clare i'll be seeing in a few weeks out of his element i'll be seeing him in l a
he's a big
strapping fellow that he talks about certain people would also certain parts of yourself the with the image of the metaphor of people as potatoes and says there's some people you can buy a lemon biol chem and they'll never done
wow
southern parts of us you know like that and if you try to take them head on you know they just
there are immovable and what you have to do is actually build a larger life around them so they're just like rocks with the stream going around them they can be quite beautiful you know where the pattern of your life actually are moving around and around the rock if you're coming down
and don't know if you've ever been river rafting and you're fixated on iraq that you are not going to hit
watch the rock watch the rock watch the wrong the iraq again
as the center of your world and as so naturally you are drawn to it
but to look at other flows in a natural flow is that are carrying around these these hardened parts of ourselves
this this can be quite useful
on
how fast
new movie
day

i think the grow up

do like yeah
hmm
right then
yes and there's no because of the speed it seems familiar as and all all the more compelling need for silence the older you get i have to think you know if there's a many people having children quite late now in their life and have cost them more mature and there are many ways that
better parents but in other ways you know they'll say i don't i don't seem to have the patience for that i had when i had my first one twenty physical or whatever it was but i have to think it's not patients it's just that parts of you are turning towards violence and the very powerful way and of course silence is a very rare commodity when you have a
a child in the house and so it's actually that need for silence that you're looking for that you have to make for yourself
and of course that will help you to be more present as her mother as a father to the same tone town
i had the image of crossing that bed of dry leaves last night in the in the
reading and and i do think at midlife as part of those crossing
i quietly a boundary that were actually unaware of of the surface and on the surface and then you feel there's utter disconnect between
what you've established on the outside and this empty space where the interior identity has already moved across this invisible boundary and you're left to the other side so it's almost as if you're an invisible dialogue across the boundary with a part of you that's already crossed over you
already knows it's mortality all ready is starting to establish a dialogue with the other side day
what lies beyond
hmm

i'm trying to be up on the moors in all weathers trying to keep it
after

movie
hmm i wonder if it's not i often think that balances is not something that the soul was very interested in actually
that that's the just you know because wittgenstein said you can't turn to any well for which you don't have the language very true so immediately with strategic mind goes to this lovely word balance which means i'm going to put so much on this site and then so much on them and after i put so much on this side i'm going to see how much that
come up so i'll have to put a little more on this side than which means i've got to watch this side then and so this is this is actually the part of vr of your faculties that you need in order to make sure there are conflicts in the cupboard for the kids in the morning you know and that the money and the bank and
you pay the mortgage but it's also a part of view that's actually terrified of the true revelation it's necessary to keep you alive in the instance of your existence
but it's it's if it's more afraid of change and you need another part of you and you need a large metaphor so you know perhaps attachment to the necessary well of course it's necessary
and it's part of actually have a cycle so you have to know where you are in the cycle as to whether you should be attached to enough yes and then when the grip as loosened naturally
like my eighteen year old son now just about to sail off into the world
then there's a the cost is still an attachment but it's not the same attachment you had before
and i'm not saying well i went to balance my attachment with i'm going to create all kinds of interests for myself you know and not think about it and you have this over here that's not the choice that small where i am in the story in that particular because we're meant to be attached anyway
and you know one of the great difficulties in then sitting is becoming attached to non attachment
an a
so
perhaps it's more there's a lovely piece by real k where he has an alternative image to balance and the for my life is not this steeply sloping are in which you see me hurrying much stands behind me i stand before it like a tree and i am only one of many mouths and at that the one that would be still the soonest
i am the rest between two nodes that is somehow always in discord because deaths know wants to climb over and in the dark interval reconciled they stay there trembling and the song goes on beautiful
my life is not the steeply sloping are in which we see me hurrying much stand behind me i stand before it like a tree i am only one of many mouths about that the one that would be still the soonest i am the rest between two nodes between to note that as somehow always in
discord because deaths know wants to climb over the end of the attachment because deaths know wants to climb over and in the dark interval reconcile they stay there trembling and the song goes on beautiful

so how'd you make the language the metaphor large enough so you have some freedom and then it seems to be a theme of the morning the break for freedom
the couching the phrase in such a way that you're actually in a new and larger world shaping yourself so that your freed from your previous enclosure with a beautiful piece by seamus heaney called the railway children were you feel in the poem that he
stuck in his present life harriers you know he's top part at oxford and harvard simultaneously and he's just about to win the nobel prize a where'd you go from this place
and
he remembers how we used to play on the railway embankments in the north line and running was a child and this is the pc road it's very but it's a as i say it's this this very celtic ability and the in this in this poem to flip through not to be held in place not to be held by a name you
given by other
and it goes back to his childhood not to become a child again but remember those instinctual joys that were like a compass bearing incited and i'm like hey just like a direction me when you're a child as the beauty of being a child you're all direction you don't know where you're going to arrive you know detail at all
and that's the freedom of
you have this compass rose you have this poor to your true north and you know you belong to the world in a certain way but you have you know have no idea how it's going to play out
so he says when we climbed the slopes of the cutting the railway cutting when we climbed the slopes of the cutting we were eye level with the white to the telegraph poles and the sizzling wires like lovely freehand they care for miles east of miles west beyond the sagging under their burden of swallowed
we were young until we knew nothing worth knowing we thought words traveled the wires in the white patches of raindrops each one seated full with the light of the sky the gleam of the wires and ourselves so infinitesimally scaled we could stream through the i have a needle
and ourselves so infinitesimally scale we could stream through the i have a neat
when we climbed the slopes of the cutting we were i level with the white cups of the telegraph poles and the sizzling wires like lovely
free him they curved for miles east and miles west sagging under their burden of swallows
we were young we were young and thought we knew nothing worth knowing we thought words traveled the wires in the white patches of raindrops each one seated for with the light of the sky the gleam of the wires and ourselves our so
oh so infinitesimally scale we could stream through the i have a needle
so this is a an ancient irish motif celtic is in the welsh scots but as in a lot of native cultures around the world the unwillingness to be named in a way in which you're going to be placed in a box you know
so i've been naming himself naming himself poet this poem that
i harvard you know oxford ah and suddenly the whole things like a heavy cloak you'd be wearing that's just drenched with the whether you've been traveling through him and the weight of it is enormous not only that but spring is actually just appearing in the air so it's your to
too hot in it to you know and it's just completely inappropriate but it's this incredible clone museum cost you a lot of money
a man you are so proud of it for so long how could you put it down
and this one of the mythological teachings is this ability for one thing to change into another become something else like out this you know my mother's knee quite early because i was very interested always in ancestry and my grandmother's life my grandfather's life where they'd come from
an my mother's life but i have about five parallel childhoods for my mother which all existed together and my sisters all have different childhoods for my mother because she'd tell them different things and they and you could barely piece that thing together and then if you talk to my mother's sisters and brothers they have different para
wow versions to and as oscar wilde said no amount of exaggeration would do justice to what actually occurred
and it's true you know if you're telling a story you should be a attempting to
you should be attempting to
to create the essence of what occurred
and if you just tell told exactly what had happened there is no exact thing that happened anyway
but if you just attempt to do that he would in no way convey what actually occurred on a mythological level so of my favorite favorite stories as two fellows in a bar and and of diamond after mass on sunday and one fella said to the other patrick did you see james
yesterday after market and patrick says well i did and i didn't
this is a normal conversation and flair if you haven't been left
and trying to get a straight answer
i didn't i didn't he said the other furnaces how do you mean you did or you didn't you either so i'ma you didn't and patrick says well i was walking down market street you know and i thought i saw james coming towards me and james was coming the other way and thought he saw me coming towards him but when we got up to each other to was neither of them
the
the
so you let the other person alone you see let them announce their own name in the conversation
i'm
take it another step you know there's a palestinian walking down the street thought they saw a jewish person coming towards them jewish person thought they saw palestinian when they got up to each other was neither of them
so without the name there's a possibility of something occurring
but the discipline is that you have to give
joyous named to the things that arrive and that may be one of the central disciplines of poetry actually but it also may be one of the one of the great keys to existence to that you'd still have a bold articulation
ah without the necessary nessus the necessity of all of these inherited names
that's why it's so bloody difficult to write something decent to them
get sure he got to be at that edge at that frontier
i often think you know when you're writing prose especially nonfiction and i feel a kind when you're telling trying to convey facts i always feel it is incredible masquerade because the facts can be marshaled in so many different directions whereas where where you work it if you
writing a novel on the a tremendous freedom and in many ways it's much more factual it's much more true to life even though it can go anywhere it's actually very clearly
representing fear dynamic in life that you're attempting to convey
so just a couple of other things from them well now

hmm
yeah
hmm
yeah
yeah
yeah
i think one of the phenomena of midlife to of crossing over the boundary you know when you're in midlife you start having conversations with people with as many people who have gone from your life who are as are actually present at the moment to them and many times the conversations are more real
when the ones who have gone than the ones who are still alive and around your baby know and there's an emerging personality person that you're only just beginning to discover once they've won they've left you so it gives you an intimation that that you may be
you may be much larger than the than the pests than the identity of arranged for yourself

let's just started on the marriage with their with our work that seems to preoccupy us most about least in this culture and this is a beautiful little poem that is very powerful to me and my own work it was sam
it's read my fifteen year old russian by anatoly ivan skin and
it was i found it an anthology of the russian children's poetry and i found it just at the moment where i was making my break for freedom in my work and declaring myself as a poet and those almost nothing in the calendar and nothing in the checkbook and we were living on very very little there's that wonderful
book which says do what you love the money will follow and i bet there's often quite a hiatus before
you and
but it's for the first part of the title is true do what you have to that but
you never know how long that haig's as is and it's often a necessary gap in which your forged and tested
and your europe to see whether you're serious or not you know
in most native traditions you have to ask three times before you are admitted whatever whatever the door you're trying to go through you ask sincerely three times you rejected twice and and so part of being tested is that
and
you have to i think one of the dynamics you know of courageous entrance is is a radical simplification radical simplification that in order to get through you do have to pass through this i have the needle and you have to simplify yourself down and add this occur
throughout my not only a person young man making his way as a point but when you get to thirty when you get to forty when you get to fifty when you get sixty
there's an equivalent radical simplification that occurs and or has to occur or you won't be admitted you'll still be in the house
living in it in a way while instead of living at you'll be haunting and as a kind of ghost
am
and nothing including yourself will seem real and there's an amazing quality of impersonation that occurs and the impersonation is incredibly subtle because you're actually impersonating yourself
and if you can't tell you doing that it's incredibly difficult for other people to see him to but everyone including yourself also know that something isn't quite right
something haven't moved but he his and anatoly ivan a skin and this was a very powerful poem for me
today as many days before the sun that let a streak of find new sky today as many days before the sun and that little streak of find this guy but in the morning of the new day i am pushed from the hastening trolley bus like a cork from a bottle men and women love the dawn for its freshness for its promise of new beginnings
in the morning therefore in the morning therefore i am not frightened that i have chosen to live a life unlike that of other young men
in the morning therefore i am not frightened that i have chosen to live a life unlike that of other young women
today as many days before the sun as little streak of fire in the sky but in the morning of the new day i am pushed from the hastening trolley bus like a cork from a bottle men and women love the dog for its freshness for its promise of new beginnings in the morning therefore in the morning therefore i am not
frightened that i have chosen to live a life unlike that of other young men so there i was in the shower in the morning with a young family nothing in the check and and i would shout out this line in the morning therefore i am not frightened and that i
i have chosen to live a life unlike that other young men and i wonder if that young boy knows how much courage that he gave to me and how much of a gift that line was across the thousands of miles and who knows whether he wrote anything in the rest of his life at all
but one good line
one good word bread for thousand will just
unlocked the door so just to have that line in my body in the morning therefore i am not frightened which recalls meant i was terrified but there was also this other flow in there too which was just as powerful the morning therefore i am not frightened than i have chosen to never life unlike
that of other young men but i couldn't have done it by saying
while i'm going to invest in microsoft you know which was just appearing at that time
and our work over a boeing and and i'll get a certain amount of money in the bank and then once you know i've got the kindergarten and paid taking care of then i'll make a little place myself you know that's the whole strategic mind saying it's never going to happen don't even
it's
the part of view that is incredibly skilful a creating language which will close the experience of completely
and so there's a button and necessary vulnerability i feel to being on that edge just in the way you commit to another sir person when you say
will you marry me when you say shall we live together when you make that first tentative step what are you doing on saturday night oh ah you're risking yourself and you could be rebuffed knew you could be embarrassed you could be humiliated
you could be making a big mistake and you don't know you don't know you're having to
appear and
you're having to find out apprentice yourself to your desires
now there's a lot of inherited her
talk you know a lot of our traditions about giving up on desire and it's in the zen tradition to but it's it's not so straightforward you know it's cloaked in lot for ways in when it's taught
but i think it's actually impossible for a human being to give up on desire and i think what we're looking at is a different kind of experience where you are learning to find out what the your true desires are and the great question is will how do i distinguish my true desires from those
he desires that create great catastrophes and destruction in my life and and the question in so and you don't know you have to find out you have to find out how you belong
to the world and you can use the great traditions to give you parameters that say will generally if you do the is it leads to a something quite horrible in
but in your case you may be a one in a million exception why don't you try it
ah
but you wouldn't know it in your body until you'd actually attempt to do so it's a beautiful piece of commitment you know it's like a marriage with his future life and is making a vow
which she's going to hold to in the morning therefore i am not frightened that i have chosen to live a life unlike that of other young men
and another phenomena that appears out of this which came to me very in a very powerful way with the loss of my mother
this is the necessity for staying in friendship with all the people you've been we talked about getting out from under the cloak of who you've been but those people are just like you you also don't want to be under the cloak of people that you know either but still they're real people there
individual souls and you must allow them to have their own life so you have to also allow yourself to have had your own lives and i remember after i lost my mother and i was wanting to have those conversations that you want to have for the person who you are close with and i
see her in my mind's eye when i was out in the woods and should be standing beneath the tree or when i was back in york tried see on our old bench but i realized after a while that i was seeing her just at the end of our life i was seeing her when her body had broken down you know when she had trouble walking when she she'd lost the butte
for singing voice that she had when she was in her twenties that i used to here in the kitchen as a child to them and and she and the the legs she had that that would take her for miles across the fields and the hills and things like this and i thought you know i should see her in all the different levels
and all the different parts of her existence here and i only had to say that to myself once and then i started to see her when she was younger and i even began to see her before she'd born me on my systems you know i married my father and see her when she was a young girl and i thought you know if you
if you have to do that with another person you must have to do it with yourself
but you shouldn't just see yourself as this latest wave breaking on the shore but you should have a friendship even though you're not held by them you should have a friendship with all the people you've been and i think actually one of the great diagnostic features of whether you're on track and on is to look back
when you were in i you're in your twenties you can look back to when you thirteen or fourteen few in your fifties or sixties you can look back to the young woman on the head on on the edge of her adult i do not eighteen or twenty that you were and ask yourself would that person be proud of who i
become who they'd become would they be friends with me
all would they be disappointed would they feel betrayed now of course is lots of things that you grow into it you get older than the younger person would find extremely boring you know
the question is you knew you'd probably be able to tell them in a well actually you know it looks boring but you know the fruits are actually worth all the work putting in the harvest is were all the work and you could probably convince them and you may be doing work that when you were twenty you would have said you know the
you know is that what i'm going to to go home with my life
but if you can tell them you know an explainer it's the question is what if you can't explain it to them
if there's nothing you could say that won't convince in other words if you'd betrayed that compose sparing your had inside you and you are off somewhere else having convinced yourself that that's walking should do

hmm
this is my imagining my mother just before she left waterford to come to england and she actually left when she was the first time when she was fifteen she went back again sixteen came back ah she worked in the dark suits
anneke mills of yorkshire when she was fifteen years own she was so young that when she finished her day's work she used to go play in the park in afterwards
this was the dark fifties you know after the war when a second world war when there was some
when the society was prostrate and people were glad to have work of any time of any kind but my mother was incredibly excited to leave
waterford and go out into the world and this is myself imagining her by a place called the milepost which is a little collection of houses just a mile outside of waterford are looking into her future life and i imagine myself therewith
i'm with my sisters and my father looking at her but we were invisible as she was looking out into we don't we didn't actually exist yet him but from my point of view we were looking at her and they're so this is called looking
and then let's take a break

to break down any moment look in the table of contents
i'm holding on
looking at it kills him
my mother is a young girl again standing at the edge of the field near milepost ready to leave across the field invisibly we stand together together and each alone waiting for her to see us her son her daughter's her husband we raise our huh
fans to catch her site we raise our hands to catch her side but she cannot see us she's too young for us yet she only sees the sky and the green fields beneath the way young eyes do and she looks at the road leading away towards us and fields on her skin the clear
wrath of sunlight she has made for the world in our own way she is life about to make life she is a youth about to blossom out of a particular tragedy into her own kind of triumph she is herself but she is all of our past and all of our future too
two she is looking and waiting as we wait for everything to come true
she is looking and waiting as we wait for everything to come true
we raise our our hands to catch her site but she cannot see us she's too young for it yet
she only sees the sky and the green fields beneath the way young eyes do and she looks at the road leading away towards us and fields on her skin the clear breath of sunlight she has made for the world in her own way she is life about to make life she is youth about blog
awesome out of a particular tragedy into her own kind of triumph she is herself but she has all of our past and all of our future to she is looking and waiting as we wait for everything to come true
so it's a great question to ask yourself what would it mean for everything to come true
in both senses of the word
let's take care
twenty minutes if can be back here just before that's just after half past and down was started twenty five to the our can
that