This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Somehow, after my talk yesterday, this idea occurred to me that I had made a fetish out of the notion of Kano Doko. And maybe in keeping with the Buddhist tradition,

[01:02]

the Zen Buddhist tradition, this notion of the transformative power of meeting the moment completely as it is. That we meet it completely as it is, and something shifts from all the stories, associated judgments, perspectives, that we have around it, and it becomes itself. So not to refute that, but just to say, as with many aspects of practice, we can get mesmerized by the notion. We can worship the statue and forget the Buddha. I mean, it's so interesting that there seems good documentation that says, Shakyamuni said, please, listen carefully, no statues.

[02:13]

It's something that seems precious, that seems wise. that seems efficacious in practice. We want to venerate it in contrast to, or maybe in substitution to engaging fully what it's pointing at. And then I had another notion, and that was regards to... In one way we can say this meeting the moment asks us to be nobody going nowhere.

[03:28]

It's just itself and nothing extra. And again, I would say, yes. But... But... How to arrive at that point? And then yesterday, I was trying to create this notion. And every moment has that, regardless of its characteristics and its particulars, its state of mind. It's there. It's completely itself. And can we, yes, rather than, well, if it was more like that, no? Then, you know, the impulse of mind to have some opinion, some judgment, some response other than yes.

[04:38]

And of course we do all the time. I have a friend who every Saturday morning she has a ritual as far as she can manage it. So of course it doesn't happen every week. She goes to two yoga classes back to back and then she goes to Starbucks and has a mocha of banana walnut bread. And at times I've kidded her, you know, in Catholicism there is a sacrament where you receive the body and blood of Christ. Actually, you receive a piece of bread, and sometimes a little wine, sometimes not.

[05:49]

But in the sacredness of the mass, in the potency of the sacrament, there's transformation. And so sometimes I will say to her, well, have you received your holy sacrament yet? Meaning, have you gone to Starbucks and have a mocha? not in any way to denigrate or criticize that aspect of Catholicism, but more to play with how each of us can create our own, what we might call, access. Our own access to just this.

[06:52]

But then the danger for us is that we become enamored with our own creation. She's quite particular about her mocha. The reason she likes Starbucks is because it's consistently tending towards hot. She really doesn't like it when it's lukewarm. It's just not the same. And the banana walnut bread has a consistent flavor that's just right. And in some ways, it seems it's the cleansing of the work week.

[07:55]

The cleansing of having a job that's a redeeming feature is that it provides a paycheck. Draws that to a close and opens up the glory of a weekend. And in some ways we could say, and I would say an interesting way, that the process of concentration, the process of aligning the inner and the outer with momentary existence, of finding the upright spine, of letting the body discover a sense of ease. letting the mind discover a sense of ease.

[08:58]

Both of these have a reassurance, a validation, an energy, a confirmation. They have positive attributes. It's so interesting. As we enter into momentary existence, these positive attributes organically come forward. We might try to manufacture them, we might try to grasp them, but we don't need to do either. Just the diligence of attending and then this subtle awareness that lets go and lets the mind and the body align. The ease, the pleasant physical sensation of energy tend to come forth.

[10:15]

And so it's quite understandable that we would craft within the details of our own practice. We want to sit in just the right way that works for our body. We want to have an alignment of body that works. Rita and I would say, it's very helpful in the process of practice to know your own body, to know, you know, how can I stretch at the start that helps this body with the eccentricities that it has aligned and settled. So in the realm of the conditioned, in the realm of

[11:26]

of that all-too-human aspect that blossoms under not just appropriate conditions, but conditions that each of us in our own way find conducive. I was with my friend once, and so I had a mocha. And I find it kind of a little bit too sweet, and I couldn't finish it. Well, I could have finished it if I really had to, but I didn't want to finish it. And I don't mean to say I'm so virtuous. I just mean to say, I'd rather have green tea. Each of us.

[12:29]

So can we study and attend to the workings of our being? Not as an indulgence. Not as somehow I can make the perfect circumstance. And then... This is a myth. Even if it happens, it's going to vanish pretty quickly. There is this way in which the moment is the enactment of renunciation of preference. And that's what I was trying to aim at yesterday. Pleasant, just experience. Unpleasant, just experience.

[13:34]

Settled mind, just experience. Active mind, just experience. In a way, this just experience, this yes, it's like stepping beyond the world that's woven together by our agendas. the world that's held in place. It's like we step into the unknown. It's that exacting. But it's not a galaxy away from the preferences. It's not refuting, oh, well then maybe I should just sit on any old zaffo. And so what if it hurts like hell? It's just another experience. And in some ways, yes. But then in another way, well, if there is the appropriate diligence and dedication that can release, that cannot be caught in the intense discomfort,

[14:56]

When I was a monk in Thailand, I went to stay in this monastery. And I had heard that this teacher was a real adept in the jhanas, in concentration practice. And he had this very interesting proposition. It seemed to be that he was teaching access to the jhanas through excruciating pain. And he actually would say things like, well, you might as well sit in an uncomfortable way. Then the pain will come sooner. And it will devour you. The whole thing will hurt so much. And he would teach on intense levels of pain. Like, there's what you might call very, very severe pain. which he would defer to as red hot.

[16:08]

But there's white hot. And each morning as a monk you go out and you beg for food and then come back and eat it. And we walked about a kilometer. The road had been paved with these sharp little stones. And one of the other monks says, yeah, you had that done so that it would hurt our feet. I don't know if it's true, but I was inclined to believe it. It may well not have been. It lasted about two weeks. I was also the junior monk. And the junior monk... You go out in order of seniority, and then you receive food in order of seniority. And then the junior monk has to hurry back so they can prepare water and a rag, a towel, to wash each monk's feet as they come in.

[17:20]

But in hurrying back, I was tearing the soles of my feet to shreds. And it was getting worse. And so, I really, in practical terms, didn't have any option but to leave. So I left. Now, the point of all that is, yes, theoretically, whatever arises, just be it. Practically, at any particular point, you can stand what you can stand. Maybe if the soles of my feet had been incredibly tough, as apparently most other monks were, it wouldn't have been a problem. But they weren't. But it's an interesting proposition.

[18:30]

How to accommodate and how to give over to the intensity of what is. In the language of Zen, it's a chord. This is really... teaching us, asking us to discover how to bring a certain kind of balance into our life. I remember several years ago I visited Shindo in India and she took me to see this renowned Ayurvedic doctor. And I asked him a strange question because my son had studied Ayurvedic medicine for six months.

[19:36]

And he came back with this story that his teacher, their Ayurvedic doctor, said that in the old days, in the good old days, people lived for thousands of years because they really knew how to practice correctly. So I asked him about that. I thought, it's kind of a stupid question, but what would he say about that? And here's what he said. He said, well, you know, there are Ayurvedic treatments that are so powerful, they will rejuvenate your body. You will grow new teeth for the ones you've lost. You know, your gray hair, if you have gray hair, will turn black. your friends and family won't even know you.

[20:40]

They'll think, that's not you. However, most people can't stand the treatment that creates such wonderful results. I thought, what a wonderful paradox. I can't stand the treatment. My son told me when he was there, his mentor, his teacher, the doctor, put him on a diet. The treatment was you go on a diet and you eat nothing but ghee, clarified butter. Just imagine, a diet of clarified butter. That was the diet. and you stay on the diet as long as you can stand it.

[21:41]

Until you reach the point where you just go, I can't stand this anymore. Not just, oh, I don't want to. Not that. It's not, you know, from my own fixed preferences, I don't want to do it. No, it's like, You can't stand it. Your body can't stand it. Your body's in revolt. It's living off nothing but fat. Whatever clarified butter is. And then you go through a kind of cleanse to recover from that and some beneficial for your being. How do we get as close, as intimate as we can with the fierceness of existence?

[23:01]

not in a reckless way, but in a way that's navigated by patience, kindness, compassion. Yes, we know life is limited and we're all gonna die. Yes, we know that even though we will through the deep instincts of our psychological makeup construct a dependable reality as best we can, despite the constant evidence to the contrary. How do we relate to it skillfully and get close to the fierce truth of impermanence.

[24:11]

Not only are we going to die, but we never have been the permanent, independent existence we are inclined to assume. months ago I read an article that said the bacteria in our stomach, when they've had enough to eat, they send a message to our brain. Okay, that's enough. I thought it was me doing that. I haven't quite got used to thinking me is bacteria. So this diligence, in a way we could say this diligence drawing us closer to what we'd rather turn into something that we can venerate than something that takes apart

[25:48]

all are cherished coping mechanisms. As if that wasn't challenging enough, how do we do that in a way that discovers the profound wisdom of compassion? We do live in this karmic conditioned life. Beyond a kind of blatant selfishness and I just want what I want, there's a limit to what we're capable of at any particular time. How do we live with that card? Sometimes the Dharma in Buddhism is called the good medicine.

[27:06]

That it both skillfully relates to the human condition and we have experiences that go beyond it. It teaches us Both. And I would say this holds both. Directed attention. Directing attention to the momentary experience just as it is. And receptive attention. Wait a minute. I have a whole lot to say about this. And beyond what my mind and its fixed ideas has to say, a deeper way of my being has a limited capacity to engage it.

[28:10]

How long should you sit before you change your posture because it hurts? The very engagement is a bottomless teacher. We can learn something from that that teaches us about those inflection points that happen in all different places of our life. How do we address the intensity of the moment? Intense because it isn't simply what I want it to be. How do we discover a deep patience? It doesn't turn impatience into an evil.

[29:20]

It sees impatience as the natural response of being alive. But it's exploring what is it to just meet what is. And that's a long preamble to this coin. is very short because young men came up with brief one-liners. I once heard a sociologist philosopher speak and at the time it was George Bush and Barack Obama they were both

[30:27]

the primary politicians. And he said, the genius of George Bush was, his statement was, they are haters of freedom. We are lovers of freedom. Choose which side you want to be on. Barack Obama had He said, he gave a speech and he had 17 points. He says, nobody remembers 17 points. I think maybe young men was like that. Let me boil this down to one statement. A monk asked young men, what is particle after particle samādhi? What is it to... meet the moment, meet the moment, meet the moment, you know, that in my own inadequate way I've been trying to talk about.

[31:38]

What is it? And young man said, rice in the bowl, water in the bucket. It's not in an exotic far-off place. It's in what you're doing, right now. And then in some ways, right now is an exotic far-off place. But listen to how David White gets there. At home, amidst the bees wandering in the garden, in the summer light, the sky a broad roof for the house of contentment where I wish to live forever, in the eternity of my own fleeting and momentary happiness.

[32:41]

I walk towards the kitchen door as if walking towards the door of a recognized heaven. And you see the simplicity of shelves and the blue dishes, and the vaporing steam rising from the kettle that coat me in. Not just this aromatic cup from which to drink, but the flavor of a life made whole, and lovely through the imagination of seeking the way. Not just this house around me, but the arms of a fierce, and healing world. Not just this line I write, but the innocence of an earned forgiveness flowing again through hands made new with writing.

[33:42]

The innocence of earned forgiveness made new from writing. It doesn't matter how far the mind has wandered. The coming back and experiencing the moment. An innocence made new from forgiveness. There's a kindly way that whatever's going on, you know, can be calling us back.

[34:56]

There's one way in which, in the intensity of our being, the arising is like a distraction, an intrusion. Leave me alone, I'm meditating. I'm trying to craft a perfect world. Stay away. Then there's another way in which our own effort is experienced as perpetually failing. Not quite the right intensity of awareness, of rising energy. The attributes of presence are not fully blossoming.

[36:08]

the sound of the helicopter is not helping. But as David White is trying to paint with words this way in which each arising is a sacrament. If that language works, each arising is a gift. Each arising is pointing at awareness, not away from it. Expressing suchness, not interrupting it. And asking us, you know, as the monk asks, what is particle after particle continuous contact?

[37:29]

What is moment after moment continuous contact? What kind of disposition of awareness is that? I'll go into the courtyard and soak up the courtyard. But on the way there, I will ignore everything because it will distract me from where I'm going. So not that we purify the world, or we purify the mind, is that we sustain the dedication of awareness, the dedication of meet each moment.

[38:33]

And what happens in the process teaches us, sometimes it's teaching us the dedication of experiencing the experience. Sometimes it's teaching us and the noise of the traffic is part of that, included. Sometimes it's teaching us you're working, each of us is working with a human existence. that has its own limitations. Asking to be explored, asking for us to decipher at different times, where is this just simply, I want what I want, and where is this, that's as much of a ghee diet.

[39:46]

is my body can take. My son said something like this. Just at some point, it seemed like my body was breaking down. The organs were kind of stopped functioning. And then the doctor said, ah, that's enough. Let's stop it before the treatment kills you. a curious mind that explores all of that and realizes it's not a recipe for austerity that we can muse on.

[40:48]

I walk toward the kitchen door as if walking towards the door of a recognized heaven. When the bell rings for the end of a particularly intense and difficult period of zazen, free at last, free at last, thank God, free at last. Almost like saying, can we not be afraid to be the person we are? It's not, might seem like, oh, isn't that going to cast me into the hell of self-indulgence?

[41:53]

Very interestingly, when we just allow it to be the experience of the moment, it's more like the antidote to self-indulgence. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

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