This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Yesterday I mentioned this Japanese term, kanodoko. It's a very interesting term. In some ways it's keen. You hear okay? No?

[01:02]

Okay. Let's see where the speaker, yeah. You're in a light of fire or light of sight. It's an interesting term because when you look it up, how exactly is it translated? There's a whole variety of ways in which it's translated. Everything from the mystical union of what is to coming to agreement and And the way I was mentioning it yesterday is what I intend to proceed with. This moment of connecting within awareness and how that spark of connection offers a shift.

[02:20]

Usually we are proceeding with some assumed definition of what is and some habituated way of responding to it. Not that we could fully articulate it to ourselves or anyone else, but that's our usual game plan. And as best we can, we modify it give us somewhat relationship to consensual reality that we share. This spark of connecting, experiencing, it turns. In the Zen world, Sometimes it's called the pivot point.

[03:21]

Sometimes it's called the turning word. And in some ways we could say, and I'm just about to. Whether it's true or not, it can be said. Sambhogakai, this interplay, in simple terms, the interplay between the absolute and the relative, that which goes beyond any ideas, concepts that we have about what is and the lived manifestation of it. Which, as I've been saying, is we co-create that.

[04:24]

Each of us co-creates, participates in the creation of the reality we're experiencing. The interplay between that and this going beyond. Marvelously called the bliss being. Or the joyful being. intimate. So, that's the premise. Now, here's the story. Several years ago, Covencino, who has since died, drowned, trying to save his own daughter from drowning.

[05:25]

Kolben Chino Roshi and Reb, Tenshin, Reb Anderson, and myself were doing something. And I cannot remember what, but I remember the punchline. And here's the punchline. Reb said something like, but I really messed that up. And Kolben said, our mistakes are what let people love us. You know, usually the mistake, the lacking, the not quite right, the could be better, especially as we enter deeper into our practice. And in some ways, we are in search of manifesting that which we are attempting to practice.

[06:35]

It's a very delicate proposition. How does that not become some fixed, have some fixed expression, whatever it might be, And then when we miss the mark, how can that be the doorway to love, the doorway to acceptance, connection, more of an asset than a deficit, more of a fortuitous circumstance than a disastrous feeling? I hope you're noticing and discovering how in our so-called usual or normal life, our ways of being, our thoughts, our physical behavior, our emotional life, settles into a more or less fixed expression.

[07:57]

and then we pluck ourselves out of it and drop ourselves into shashin, and suddenly find our relationship to that fixed way of being is not so adamantly so. It hasn't totally gone away, still asserts itself, some parts of it, with great... Determination, some parts of it float away quite easily, and everything in between. But we start to discover the person that we are, the behaviors that we are, the patterns of thought and feeling that we are start to become pliable. They're not as determinedly fixed as we may have previously thought, or even shot in the first couple of days of Shishin.

[09:04]

And in that pliability, the possibility of turning, the possibility of noticing a certain way of thinking, or feeling, or behavior, behaving. And in the noticing, just allowing the possibility of not always so. Maybe so. After breakfast, I have to have a cup of whatever you have to have a cup of. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Maybe the world wouldn't end if you didn't. Maybe you wouldn't feel, you know, catastrophic sense of withdrawal if that didn't happen.

[10:14]

And in that gap, in that disruption. Can that exploration to carry on with the word of love be an act of love rather than there's some great evil that needs to be combated and destroyed. And seeing conditioned existence, even in your own behaviors. And I'm not thinking of, you know, something monumental. Just the little things. Disruption. And then within disruption, connection.

[11:26]

Kanodoko. That meeting fresh, that meeting it just as it is, not the product of what you say it is, want it to be, or how you want it to be, just with the spark of just as it is. We can all say, oh yeah, I screwed that up, didn't I? Well, that's a perspective. That's a thought. Maybe it gets accompanied by, you know, and reinforced by some part of your self-image. Maybe it falls short of your sincere practice aspiration for yourself. But can it also just be

[12:32]

Look at that. I heard once that the tradition in Japanese carpentry is if you finish something, building something, making something, and you didn't make a single mistake, and it's more or less perfect, you make it imperfect. You either give it somewhere where it can't be seen, you give it a little nick with a sharp edge, or you give it a little blow with a hammer, a little dent. Our practice, our diligence, which does ask everything we've got, the more you practice, the more you get to a pretty formidable realization.

[13:45]

It's practice. The activity of zazen asks for a full attention and commitment. It's not saying, well, just sit there, you know, and every now and then, you know, hear a car pass or, you know, pay attention to the exhale. No? Every single moment, experience what's being experienced. Directed attention. And receptive attention, whatever happens, happens, and that's it. No? whether it's a tiny nick in the corner or the whole thing's a magnificent failure. If you just watched your mind grasp at a thought and let it go all in two seconds, or if you went inside some old painful story and had a furious argument,

[15:05]

with that terrible person who hurt you so much in the past. Everything affords of itself the moment of Kano Doko. The moment of meeting and experiencing it just as it is. In the teaching of the trikaya, the nirmanakaya, sambhogakaya, and dharmakaya, dharmakaya, sambhogakaya, and nirmanakaya, each of them is represented by a Buddha. The dharmakaya is represented by varacana, the sambhogakaya is...

[16:09]

represented by Amitabha, and then the nirmanakai is represented by Shakyamuni. And then if you really want to go on that track, each one of those Buddhas has representation as a Buddha figure. The reason I mention it is that each has the attributes of awakening. There's a way in which going beyond thought, letting go of what's being grasped, has an awakening quality to it. Maybe we could say being aware when you're aware.

[17:17]

That quality of just experiencing the consciousness of awareness. That moment when you're hearing and seeing in three dimensions. that spaciousness. Maybe we could say this gives us some of the flavor of avaracana. And the nirmanakaya, the manifest Buddha, Shakyamuni. The particularity of each being. Each... manifestation of existence has its own particularity.

[18:21]

Directing attention to the details of the inhale and receiving them. The kanodoko of directed and receptive attention in the details of what is. And then Amitabha. In some ways the role of savior takes us to the pure land. This reconciliation between the two this point of inflection where it's neither this nor this it's the interplay it's the interbeing of the two and usually we have our spark of this with the mind relatively settled

[19:46]

when there is not an adamant grasping or aversion. There's more of a simple residing without an agenda or without any blatant, demanding agenda. And what arises has the space to be itself. And it's just momentary. But this is not the only way we can experience this. You know, occasionally I've been called on to mediate between two people.

[20:51]

And the mediation process is quite simple. Obviously, these people see things differently, and that's a problem. And the mediation process is just to discover it's not a problem. And the process I like is One person talks, the other person listens, and then repeats back what they said. They just do it. And if you're too busy making up your version of what happened, that you're not available to listen, well, guess what? You can't repeat it back. And then you have to start over. And then eventually, hopefully, you get to a place where both people can speak, The other one can listen deeply and repeat it back. And then most of the time something magical happens.

[21:59]

Like the suchness of what is. What do we have here? We have two manifestations of reality. And here they are. One's left hand and one's right hand. is this a competition? Is this a battle? Yes, they both have consequences. But when they're just allowed to be what they are, there's some space. There's possibility. There's something possible beyond conflict or competition. and all that ensues from that. So, in that awareness, there's a different kind of meeting.

[23:03]

From a Buddhist perspective, we might say, there's a mutual appreciation of conditioned existence. You have a point of view, I have a point of view. We're both human. And we both have feelings about our point of view. And we both have feelings about how the people relate to it. And in that meeting, sometimes it shifts completely from animosity to friendship. oh, I didn't realize you thought that. I thought when you said that, you were just trying to criticize me. I didn't realize you were just trying to tell me how it is for you. The gap creates the possibility for connection.

[24:20]

The nirmanakaya is created, but when it's held in the awareness of the dharmakaya, it's just what is. Can we keep exploring and discovering within our own being? each experience arises. Can it be met with, yes, this is what it is, rather than even a subtle, well, that needs to be different. That consolidated adamant thought needs to be let go of. the meeting it just as it is, is neither attraction or aversion.

[25:37]

It's neither getting caught up in it or pushing it away. And this is the delicate work of zazen. This is the delicate work of awareness. And can we remind ourselves that the moments of so-called distraction, the moments of not doing it right. You're breathing in and feel a little tension somewhere. And then the impulse to work on it and make it right. It should release... into a mildly pleasurable experience as it did yesterday when you were really doing it right.

[26:42]

When the period ended, you felt so good. That's the right way to do it. How could this mind have the virtue of that mind. How about any and every mind has its own virtue? Even the habituated mind that says, I have to, I have to have a cup of coffee. or whatever it says, whatever you have to have or have to not have. Can there be, can we introduce into this more pliable place of existence, can we introduce this kind of exploration?

[27:58]

Not in a heavy-handed way that... trying to coerce ourselves. But in a way, that exploration and discovery is woven into how we're relating. It's so easy for the mind, in our sincerity and diligence, to set up some standard, especially when we've tasted some of what it is to be saddled or concentrated or spaciously present. I mean, they are, as the sutras tell us, they are often accompanied by pleasant physical sensation and joyous mental sensation. Who doesn't want more of that? Especially in the midst of all the other stuff.

[29:05]

perception that realizes the way. Kano doko. Experiencing the experience in a way that realizes the way. That it doesn't just approve of its own success and condemn its own failure. That we don't grasp at this experience and push away this. That we're staying open to everything. And in a way, this takes us the whole way back to renunciation. that initiating factor.

[30:12]

Because it is essentially non-attachment. The non-attachment comes as a consequence of yes. It comes as a consequence of affirmation of what we are. I sometimes think The magic ingredient in mediation is someone else willing to deeply listen to us. Someone else willing to act like what is going on for us really matters, is worthy of their attention. Can we offer that to ourselves? this amazing way our human existence keeps pouring forth nirmanakaya.

[31:19]

That as we pay attention, you know, and then we're startled to see, for most of us, maybe all of us, but at least for most of us, The discriminating mind, the discriminating faculty, and disapproval are very good friends. They hang out together a lot. Whether it's directed towards ourselves or someone else, it can even that. be met with yes, rather than compounded. Oh, I'm thinking a bad way. That's because I'm a bad person, and I need to fix myself, and I need to fix the way I think.

[32:30]

Oh, wait a minute. That's a bad thing to think. What is it to let it be held non-dually? It just is what it is. If you get to the point where you need to move in Zazen, okay? Is there an absolute truth to that? No. But in the workings of your subjective being, That's how it was. Now I would say explore that and as best you can. It usually means give it a few extra breaths and discover. But it has nothing to do with success or failure.

[33:38]

Nothing at all. Sometimes getting it right succeeding makes us more nonchalant, less attentive. When you do something wrong in arioke, you go, oh. And you drop your chopstick into that great chasm. and it explodes with signs. And the soku starts the long, slow march. And you point to the person beside you. Exactly.

[34:45]

Can it be... Can the workings of our own being be an extraordinary drama? Not that we become sloppy. No. Full attention to each experience. Full attention to each experience will show us the lack of full attention to each experience. It's guaranteed. Occasionally it will show us the fruits of full attention to experience. But can that gap with awareness create a meeting, a moment of experiencing? as we're in the heart of Sashin, you know, before our minds remember linear time and start to say, I think there is a before and after, and I think the after is getting close.

[36:15]

Are we still in this realm of the long now? You know, occasionally the timeless now, but at least the long now. We were in the journey and the destination is forgotten and the point of origin is forgotten. Every sound has a home from which it has come to us, and a door through which it is going again out into the world to make another home. It becomes a world itself by listening for the way it belongs. The squeaking brakes of the truck

[37:22]

I just made that up. A bit of an image of the truck. It comes and it goes. Each breath comes and it goes. Each moment. Each chapter, each scene in the drama of me. Asking for affirmation. Not in a big flashy way. You don't have to come with a large bunch of helium balloons. Just... the world itself by listening for the way it belongs.

[38:37]

It is what it is, this moment. There, it can learn how it must be and what to do. How do we sustain a steady attention? How do we sustain a steady contact? How do we start to notice the characteristics of mind that can both spin off and burrow down

[39:44]

into trance. Each experience arising as Dogen would say as a flowering emptiness just comes up into being. Long ago I heard the squealing brakes of a truck. Things were good back then. Not like now. And we attend. And we learn about attending.

[40:46]

We learn about what contact is. You don't force your thumb down until it turns white. You touch almost like not touching. That kind of contact. You feel what arises. And in that feeling, something's discovered. Something's experienced. And it doesn't matter if its primary quality is varuchana or amitabha or shakyamuni. They all awaken. In Zen we say, not knowing.

[41:50]

Which is the best way to practice? Don't know. Follow what arises in the moment. Thank you. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

[42:44]

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