This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Yesterday I was talking about this notion of the world, or more exactly the kaya of awakening being, that it's an activity, it's not a steady state. and the normal world, the world that we put together through all sorts of influences, factors that contribute to it.

[01:18]

And I wanted to mention one place this comes up. It's considered to be... In this formulation, the trikaya, one of the fundamental principles of Zen practice, the dharmakaya, the sambhogakaya, and the dharmanakaya. In our meal chant, we chant, we name these three, which you may have noticed or you may not have noticed. The dharmakaya representing the awakening being, beyond the concepts we have about reality, the way those concepts give name, affix name and form to what's experienced. And in giving it some kind of reference like that imputes a sort of substantiality, a permanence,

[02:27]

an independence of being upon it. And then, on the other side, where those are active. You know, in the Dharmakaya, that's what's not there. And then in the Nirmanakaya, that's what is there. We do name, we do give it an identity, a fixed categorization. And then we like it, and we don't like it, and we're frightened by it, and amused by it, saddened, all the interplay of a human life. There's actually many ways those ideas play out in Buddhism, but just in relation to what I said yesterday. And then the sambhogakaya is the interplay of the two. No? And the classic teaching is, this is the realm of bliss and joy.

[03:30]

The interplay between the formless and the formed is the realm of bliss and joy. And the second day of Sushin is where this interplay starts to have a noticeable impact. And probably you're not just noticing bliss and joy. There may be a few other things. Andra falling off the tan. Faint? Yeah. As we're adjusting to a new way of being, simple things like, did I drink enough water? It has its own yoga.

[04:32]

It has its own skillfulness of how we relate to our body and our mind and our psychology. Right down to, did I drink some water before I sat this morning? Or whatever it is that helps bring our physical being into a state of well-being. So to attend to that. And we can attend to it as me. Me needs to be okay. Or we can attend to it with some kind of almost like fearful persistence about our own separate being. Or we can attend to it with a sense of the practicalities of just sustaining life and well-being and being available to sit and to be aware.

[05:35]

And this is what I was hinting at in the realm of discipline. just to sustain and promote the capacity to be aware. Now, from the perspective of our fixed preferences, it may seem like it's challenging them, and maybe it is. But to let the benevolence of discipline play a role there too. This is to sustain and promote healthy body and mind. And in particular, within the skillfulness of promoting awareness. As you find yourself struggling more,

[06:44]

Should I put a support cushion under my knee? Or should I just sit with the pain? There's a way in which we can shrink around that notion. It becomes an intrigue, maybe imbued with some sense of our own survival. It's just an endeavor to discover how to be skillful with your body. And especially in a structure like this that has lots of do's and don'ts. The Eno and the Tonto have a long list of things you should be doing and things you should not be doing. They're simply to facilitate the discipline of well-being.

[07:46]

To not... Let it take on the hue of oppression. Do not put that upon yourself. That's a legitimate question. Should you put a support cushion under your knee? Study it carefully. What happens when you do it? What happens when you don't do it? This is all the unfolding of the past. We do it with a certain deliberateness, a certain methodicalness. We stay balanced. It's not me against the system. and it's not some kind of collapsing into self-criticism because I'm not doing it perfectly.

[09:03]

Just recognizing that in this integration of these two worlds, these two ways of being, there is an adjustment. There's a discovery, there's challenges, there's questions. And sometimes they're mysterious. Sometimes you're sitting there and your body feels odd, painful, heavy. The bell rings, you stand up and not in a matter of moments, it's dissipated. so be it. We're learning the fluidity of existence, even the notion that some things that have registered so strongly can dissipate.

[10:10]

And the more shashins you do, the more you know from your own experience this is the nature of it. And even though it's dangerous to generalize, I'm going to do it. Day two has this flavor to it. For most of us, it's a day of adjustment. And sometimes that adjustment is like a cloudy sky, the clouds parting and the sun coming out. And sometimes it's not. Whatever you get, whatever weather you get, that's what you got. Just how to sustain, in every practical way, how to sustain well-being. In another early formula of Buddhism, one of the characteristics of being,

[11:28]

is traditionally translated as suffering, and Thich Nhat Hanh translates it as joy. Both of these touch on the nature of this interplay. As we're adjusting to the interplay of these two worlds, Sometimes it's uncomfortable. And sometimes it's joyous. And can we sustain the resolve of vow? Can we let the discipline not be effortless, but at the same time not

[12:31]

stir up some kind of agitation or unsettledness. Can we let the renunciation be letting go? Letting go of that story that's rattling in your mind right now. Letting go of the way that habit is saying, I have to. After breakfast, I always, so I have to. Maybe. Okay. So, another poem by David White. Interestingly titled, What to Remember When Waking. I think of this poem, as literal when waking, when you wake up from sleeping, in the ordinary sense of the word, but also in the sense of awakening from the being inside the world of our own karmic creation.

[13:50]

In that first hardly noticed moment, in which you wake. Coming back to this life from the other more secret, movable, and frighteningly honest world. Where everything began, coming back to that frighteningly honest world where everything began, there is a small opening into a new day. that closes the moment you begin your plans. What you can plan is too small for you to live in. What you can live wholeheartedly will make plans enough for the vitality hidden in your sleep. To be human is to carry visible

[14:58]

is to become visible while carrying what is hidden as a gift to others. David White has been coming to Zen Center for well over a decade intermittently to do fundraisers. He has a great appeal. We rent Unitarian, Churchill, rent Franklin, and he draws, he fills the place. It holds 600, and he fills it. Somehow I came across him when he was just starting out as a poet. He has a wonderful style, and it's very popular.

[16:01]

So he draws large crowds. And the first time I went, there was about 20 people there, which is par for the course if you're a poet. If you get 20 people, you're grateful. At least somebody came. It's interesting to see over the years if it's popular, and then it would be like 50, 100. And knowing that for him, the poetic expression is about the Dharma. He's also practiced then. And last time he came, I was introducing him. And each time he comes, we sort of touch base. He often wants to go to dinner after the event at about 10.30 at night, which I'm totally torn.

[17:06]

It's lovely to spend time with him, but going to dinner at 10.30 at night when you're getting up the next morning is not any fun. But we touched, but... So I went over, and he was in the back room. I just went in to say hi, because usually he likes to be quiet before he presents. He likes to stay centered and aware. But we'd had an intriguing last time he was here, which was over a year before, and he wanted to check back. Where was I with what we talked about, and where was he? Here's the gist of what he'd said to me. He felt, now he's quite popular and he commands large audiences. He gets invited to talk to all sorts of corporate groups and other things.

[18:09]

And it's lovely. It's a great life. He's living what he loves and he's getting very well paid for it. And last time he said, I think I'm going asleep in the middle of the comfortableness of it. I'm falling asleep. I think I need to go back to Yorkshire. He grew up in Yorkshire in sort of humble beginnings. I need to go back to Yorkshire to kind of get in touch with something. And so we were talking, and that was the flavor of the conversation we'd had the year before. So we were talking, and I said, well, did you go back? And he said, yes, I did. And it didn't work. But it was great the way he said it.

[19:13]

It wasn't like I'm embarrassed to say or... I'm reluctant to say, or it was somebody else's fault. No, I took this step because it seemed the thing to do, and I concluded after six months, it wasn't the thing to do. So I came back, and I'm back at Whitby Island. the process of this interbeing you know of course we want a life that doesn't present us with hardships and difficulties and causes psychological pain but the request of the awakening world is a different one it's about awakening you know

[20:21]

But what I marveled about that evening and why I mentioned it was that here he was with brief minutes before he had to walk out in front of an audience of 600 people and he wanted to talk about process of practice. So in the midst of all the stuff that's going to happen to you, in Shishin, just the physical challenges, the arduous, staying inside this constructed container and staying attentive and diligent with its requests of you. in the challenge of opening up to your own agendas, your own concerns, your way of being, the challenging of your own fixed patterns, the disruption that that creates.

[21:36]

Almost like underneath it to keep attending to the process of practice. Are you more inclined to be awake when you're feeling comfortable and successful? Are you more inclined to be awake when you're feeling a little off balance and uncertain? The assessment of what facilitates awaking may not be synonymous with what you like and what you want in a more usual state of being. It's not advocating self deprivation, but it's more looking at what's going on from the assessment of what facilitates the wicked.

[22:54]

And do we always get that assessment right? Do we always say with unerring accuracy, I should move back to Yorkshire and that's exactly what I should do? No. Sometimes we move back to Yorkshire and it's just an idea in my head. I can go back to the past where things were wonderful. Yeah. Can we go back to the past? Were things so wonderful then, in the golden age? So to keep that curiosity, that inquiry alive, as you're having all the experiences you're having, and to notice the way in which this curiosity, but if we let it become the way we're thinking about it, too fixed.

[24:00]

As David says, within my plans, it's too small a world to live in. The plans I make are too small a world to live in. The fixed ideas I have create a container that some wonderful, joyous and wise part of me says, This is too small to live in. This is the nature of Zen card. It's holding this interplay of worlds and discovering continually the process of awakening. And each of us is challenged to look at our own particular version of what's going on.

[25:12]

To respect it, to learn from it, and to not get stuck in it. It is our teacher, and it's just my version of what's going on. And actually, if we look carefully, even my version flows and shifts and changes. The marvelous thing about Shashin, you can see, oh, In the early morning, I felt despondent and discouraged. After breakfast, I felt a little more fortified and enthusiastic. Not to say that I'm not predicting what you felt, but just that our mood, our disposition, our attitude can shift up and down. Our state of mind, you know?

[26:20]

We can be quite centered and clear. A spacious way of letting thoughts come and go. And then suddenly we can be gripped by something. Sort of sneaks in the back door. Or somehow, mysteriously, that a quantumist mind gives way to something more furtive and easily knocked off balance. Our judging mind wants to assess. Okay, this is bad. and it should be more like this, because that's good.

[27:23]

But that's trying to unfold the Dharma from the mind of judgment, the mind of fixed patterns, the mind that has a fixed notion. When we come to that spot, we turn to the process of awakening mind. What is happening now? Oh, judging that experience, drawing conclusions. What is that experience that's being judged? The mind of awakening brings awareness to learn, not to impose.

[28:32]

Dogen Zenji says, when the self goes forward and confirms the world, defines the world, that's delusion. When the world comes forward and teaches, that's awakening. This is the process where in a steady, deliberate way, trying to introduce into the unfolding of our ongoing consciousness. What's happening now? When it's pleasant? When it's unpleasant? Cultivating the availability for engaging. And as many of you have heard me say, we could say, noticing, experiencing.

[29:35]

Noticing is just touching. It's just opening to. It's almost like we're trying to notice it without changing it in any way. Notice what's happening. So ingrained is the impulse to notice and fix it. This mind should be calmer. Okay, now really concentrate on the exhale. But if that's done clumsily, if that's done with a fixed agenda, it sort of adds a distraction. To notice. To acknowledge.

[30:39]

To let what's happening register. To contact. How is it available? What's the experience of it? How is that experience available? Is it predominantly a physical sensation? Is it predominantly an emotion? Is it a thought process? Is it a sound? And then experience it. Notice, acknowledge, contact experience. Can this become a heartbeat in the middle of all the things that are going to happen for you. Can this be the steady heartbeat? And then its accompaniment is and at its essence its mode of engagement is directed attention and receptive attention.

[31:58]

The directed attention helps interrupt the narrative, the internal dialogue that, left to its own devices, just spins in its own patterned, repetitive way. It stays separate and then insists whatever's happening... is just a mere detail in the theater of my internal drama. In the engagement of awakening, it's like we're stepping out of the theater of our internal drama. This person in front of me isn't merely the play of what I say they are and how I feel about them and how I judgment.

[33:09]

They are their own blazing expression of being. Some of which is evident and some of which is mysterious. Even this so-called me is its own blazing expression of being. But I think I know that I operate in the service of. Can it be held with this curiosity? Look at that. The directed attention helps to create the interruption of that fixed pattern. It's the default mode. When there's no awareness, the default mode takes over. It's just how it is. You don't use your computer, your screen saver comes up and operates.

[34:20]

And then how to use the directed attention skillfully. Some ways we could say the directed attention is guided by receptive attention. Because even though we direct the attention, we direct the attention to looking at the tatami, but who knows within a fraction of a second what arises? The particular color, the patterns of the ribs, of the way the grass is sown, or something completely different. I just thought of Hawaii. Maybe the grass looks like waves.

[35:28]

that kind of attention that we stay open. You know, it may seem from a practical point of view that it's important to impose some containment upon what happens for us. How will I get to calm down so I'm not so distracted and be able to sit still and feel concentrated and let something deep within settle and soften so that the gates to the kaya of awakening are fully opened? It's true. with directed attention and skillful effort, we can facilitate that process.

[36:34]

But really, patience. We cultivate the grind because part of the attributes, a significant attribute in the process, is a willingness to experience what's arising and not simply hold it in relationship to what we think ought to be arising. Consciousness is so capable of such an amazing variety of experiences. Suzuki Roshi is saying, if you want to control a cow, give it a wide pasture to Rome, this wide receptive attention, open to whatever.

[37:39]

And it modifies the directed attention. It lightens it. It stops it from being drudgery. Directed attention can become mechanical. It's like counting your breath. Then after a while, you're able to count your breath and think about something at the same time. Either way, the request is fully engaged in the experience. And the challenge for us is to catch the flavor of that request. Each time we sit, fully engage the experience. Fully engage the technique. Fully engage the moment.

[38:40]

When you're walking from the hall to your room, just walk. Be fully engaged in the experience of walking, not knowing particularly how long it'll take to get to your room. You'll get there anyway. Most of the time. So this day, this day of coming more into contact of this interplay, And then the awareness, the attention, the awareness, it's a mix. It's 50% diligence, but it's also 50% appreciation. And sometimes that 50% we invite, we evoke by just moments of savoring what's happening.

[39:53]

Quite deliberately. Standing in the sun in the courtyard. Feeling the warmth of the sun. Or smelling spring. Or just feeling the fluidity of your body as you walk gently down the hallway. This appreciation is both a helpful, and we could even say necessary component in sustaining the balance of both aspects. And it will also sustain our vitality. And so to engage them both, to keep them balanced.

[40:55]

To remember the other world in this world is to live in your true inheritance. You're not a troubled guest on this earth. You're not an accident amidst other accidents. You were invited from a greater way of being than this one from which you're just coming forth. This is not a sensibility our cognitive mind can manufacture. It can have its own conceptual notions. But it's a little bit like figuring out how to be happy and then trying to think your way into it.

[42:12]

In some ways, being happy is a simpler process, and then in another way, it's just quite simply something we can't... think our way into. We engage the factors. Willing to learn from each and every experience to discover what something in us knows and what it is to be alive. what it is to be in this moment. It's not an exotic rarity. That's the territory, the exclusive territory of exalted Buddhas. It's something we're all utterly capable of. Thank you.

[43:22]

May I Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[43:55]

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