We will now begin today's Dharma Talk offered by Gringold Chavez Fu Schrader. Please chant the opening verse along with me, which should appear on your screen now. An unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect Dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million Kalpas. Having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. Good morning. Welcome to Green Gulch. So this morning, I want to begin my talk with a story which appears from a classic text of the Theravadan tradition written in the fifth century by Buddha Gosha.

[09:00]

The text is called The Path of Purification or the Vasudhimaga. Thus have I heard. While the Blessed One was living at Savati, it seems a certain deity came to him in the night in order to do away with his doubts and asked, Lord Buddha, The inner tangle and the outer tangle. This generation is entangled in a tangle. And so I ask of the Buddha this question. Who succeeds in untangling this tangle? Well, last Friday, for a great many people in this world, the new year began. And not only the new year, but a renewed cycle of years. Last year was the year of the rat. and this year the ox, next year is the tiger, then the rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog, and pig.

[10:02]

So the word zodiac itself comes from a Greek word, meaning the circle of animals. And in this case, these animals are named by their location on the East Asian lunar calendar. So as I began thinking about cycles of life with the arrival of the Chinese New Year, I did a little looking into the stories out of which these 12 zodiac animals are derived. And since I happened to have been born in 1948, a year of the rat, I was particularly interested in finding out a little bit about my own cosmic fate. So to both my delight and horror, the story of how the 12 animals were chosen with the rat being first, therein the delight, was not the kind of story I wanted to hear about my birth animal, and therein the horror. Well, here's the story anyway. This is from an ancient Chinese folk story called The Great Race, which tells how the Jade Emperor decreed that the years on the calendar would be named for each animal in the order that they reached him.

[11:12]

However, to get to where the Emperor was seated, the animals would first have to cross a formidable river. The cat and the rat were not good at swimming, but they were both quite intelligent. So they decided that the best and the fastest way to cross the river was to hop on the back of the ox. Now the ox, being kind-hearted and naive, agreed to carry them both across. As the ox was about to reach the other side of the river, the rat pushed the cat into the water and then jumped off the ox and rushed to the jade emperor, thereby being named as the first animal of the zodiac calendar. The ox had to settle for second place, and the poor cat never made it to the emperor at all, and ever since has been chasing after the rat, as well as being dreadfully fearful of water. Therein, the delight and the horror. Well, as it turns out, what really interested me about this story was the opportunity to reflect on my Buddhist practice through the lens of yet another possible clue to my own identity.

[12:23]

I've known for years that I am a Pisces by yet another system of cycles, and that I was assigned from birth a female body, white skin, brown eyes, big feet, and an urge to hide from large crowds of people. In any given moment, those intersections of my personal and my social identity arise through me and as me, producing a rather dizzying array of behaviors and responses to where I am, who I think I am, and who I think is there with me. I know that all of us have this same complex challenge in knowing who we are. as well as a challenge of finding for ourselves a reasonably safe passageway through this entanglement that we call our human life. And therein is this ancient Buddhist story that asks on behalf of us all, who can untangle this tangle? The reason I know about this story is that the very thing I did over 40 years ago now in endeavoring to get answers to my own big questions, such as who am I?

[13:36]

was to enter the portal of practice at the San Francisco Zen Center, which, without a doubt, added further layers to my already oversized ball of entanglements. So while I was thinking about today's talk, and in particular, this question of identity and entanglement, I had an amusing image come into my mind of a playful kitten with a neatly wound ball of yarn. And although the yarn was tightly wound, it wasn't too long before the kitten began to unravel it. So I would say that that's a pretty good way of understanding how Zen practice works in meeting the challenge of the tangles. It unravels them playfully, persistently, and effectively from both inside and out, starting with the solid sense that we have of our own identity, of what I casually refer to as myself. This search for ourselves and for a truly authentic and satisfying result is at the core of the Buddha's teaching.

[14:39]

I think most of you know by now the instruction from our Zen founder, Dogen Zenji, that to study the Buddha way is to study the self. The self we truly believe is there and that we are somehow, for good or ill, destined to protect and to be. And yet when another of our famous ancestors, Bodhidharma, was asked by another emperor of China, Emperor Wu, who are you facing me? Bodhidharma said, don't know. And that was the truth. He no longer knew how to answer that question. And yet Bodhidharma, like all of us, certainly didn't start out his life unraveled. He started out with an identity, one that perhaps is impossible for any of us to even imagine. He was the third son of a Raja from a family of the warrior caste of South India. And it was believed that by his teacher, Prajnatara, that he was an incarnated sage. So, you know, not as grandiose as his, perhaps.

[15:45]

We all have our own version of how and under what conditions we started out our lives. You know, me in a suburb of San Francisco, the daughter of a restaurant manager and a housewife. Where and how their parents got to San Francisco, I really don't know. What I do know is that my last name is German and that both of my parents spent time in an orphanage. So when I was given the link to a conversation about identity and entanglements a few mornings ago by Black women teachers at a conference called Black and Buddhist, I experienced a profound invitation to look more deeply at my own identity. and social conditioning. Their wisdom and fearlessness, their compassion and deep regard for the Buddhist teaching was profoundly encouraging to me as our own Zen community faces both outwardly and inwardly the latest and repeating rounds of social unrest centered on white racist ideology.

[16:48]

One of the teachers, a founding member of the East Bay Meditation Center in Oakland, and a longtime Vipassana and Tibetan Buddhist practitioner by the name of Spring Vasham, gave a truly thrilling talk about her own recent inspired discoveries of the missing pieces of her practiced body, the missing limbs of her identity, which she has now found in relationship to being born Black in America. Through that discovery, her lineage now includes, along with Shakyamuni Buddha, Ananda, and Bodhidharma, her African-American ancestors. Foremost among them for her as a Black woman is the great liberator, Harriet Tubman, who we may yet see honored on the righteous side of the $20 bill. This imperative to know our own entangled history and to find in it some completion of our own embodied reality here and now is essential to the path of true liberation, not only for each of us as a person,

[17:53]

an authentic person, but for all of us who are struggling to survive here together. Something we will not succeed in doing if we don't find a way to do it together. New year upon new year for thousands of new years to come. It's a well-known truth about spiritual practice that overcoming the stranglehold that an incorrect view of ourself has on our lives will not be possible until we have developed a healthy sense of who we are in this world, of where we come from, how we got here, and what we are to do with what is left of this one precious life. Until we have explored ourselves through our own family histories, the struggles and the successes that brought us to this life and to this country, until we have done the work of healing those woundings of misshapen views of ourselves and of the world, Whatever we do in our spiritual practice will simply bypass the wholeness that is needed to truly let go into the wonder of it all.

[18:58]

So whether now for you is the month of February 2021 or the month of February 4718, as numbered from the reign of the Yellow Emperor in the third millennia BCE, or one of the many other possible choices that each human has, to mark their time and history as members of this species. Now is the only time, and here is the only place from which we can begin, over and over again. So with these thoughts of personal identity in mind, I want to now talk some about the teachings attributed to Bodhidharma, whose true story begins at the moment he fully unraveled from his own personal history to become along with Shakyamuni Buddha, one of the great unravelers of the Buddhist tradition. So as I said, he was the third son of a Raja and a child of riches, which for him, even when very young, was the wrong kind of wealth to be valued.

[20:02]

In a story about Bodhidharma that appears in a text called The Transmission of Light, we learn quite a bit about who Bodhidharma was born to be and who he became instead. What's really wonderful about the transmission of light is the emphasis in each story on that moment when the student has an awakening to their own true nature, no different than the true nature of reality itself. You know, that aha moment when the clouds of delusion disperse and the bright moon of awakening, as if, suddenly appears. That moment is sometimes called Satori in Japanese or Kensho. referring to an experience of what we might simply call the true meaning of life. Ken means seeing and show means nature. So seeing one's true nature. And it was this experience that Bodhidharma came to China to reveal to his fellow humans so they too might enter, realize and awaken to reality. So along with his story from the transmission of light, I want to share a portion of a sermon that's attributed to Bodhidharma.

[21:11]

And through these teachings, I'm hoping to give you a taste of how Zen practice and insight works to untangle the tangles. This tradition, this traditional story about Bodhidharma, albeit very likely mythical, says that he is our first Chinese ancestors and therefore a keystone to how we've come to understand the pathway of liberation in the Zen school, starting with this vow to live and learn and teach. for the benefit of others, the bodhisattva vow. And this tradition teaches about itself through these stories of the ancestors who like Bodhidharma, Shakyamuni, Mahakashapa, Mahapajapati, Nagarjuna, Dogen, Suzuki Roshi, and thousands of others gave all they had to sending the teachings downstream to the generations to follow. A tradition that has been transmitted from warm hand warm hand and from face to face for over 2,500 years.

[22:14]

The mythic side of Zen includes poetry and fables, legends, archetypes, and a great deal of magical thinking. The very means that we use when our own human babies are distressed and crying. We tell them stories and we read them fairy tales. Zen's mythology confidently names the succession of ancestors who are connected, if not by DNA or direct association, by love and commitment to the light of awakening. So this is the title of Kezon's book, The Transmission of Light, The Light of Awakening, which does not differ among divisions of gender or race, wealth or intellect from the Buddha's very own. It's through the stories of these names and how they each got on to the Zen ancestor list that Zen further sets itself apart from other schools of Buddhism. Shakyamuni to Mahakashapa, Mahakashapa to Ananda, Prajnatara to Bodhidharma, Rui Jing to Dogen Zenji, Shunryu Suzuki to all of us.

[23:23]

So all of the efforts and insights that occurred in the many centuries following the Buddha's death have crystallized into narratives such as this one of Bodhidharma's life story and his primary teaching. So for those of you who aren't already familiar with the image of Bodhidharma, he is usually depicted as an ill-tempered, bearded, wide-eyed, non-Chinese called the blue-eyed barbarian. Later on, as a result of the story of him spending nine years meditating in a cave, he also came to be known as the wall-gazing Brahmin. In this story from the Transmission of Light, we are introduced to Bodhidharma as a young prince who is meeting for the first time with his future teacher, Prajnatara. Prajnatara means the wisdom jewel. So as we listen in on this story, try to imagine the relationship that is taking place between a fully realized Dharma teacher and a young person with the potential for becoming his disciple.

[24:27]

Prajnatara has come to pay a visit to the Raja. who has just gifted him with a priceless jewel. During the visit, Prajnatara, being a Zen teacher and all, asks the three young princes a question. Is there anything comparable to this jewel? To which the first and second sons respond, that jewel is the finest of precious stones. There is certainly nothing better. But the third prince, Bodhidharma replies, this is a worldly jewel. and cannot be considered of the highest order. Among all jewels, the jewel of truth is supreme. This jewel has a worldly luster, but the luster of wisdom is supreme. This jewel has great clarity. However, among all clarities, the clarity of mind is supreme. And finally, Prajnatara asks, well, what among things is the greatest? Bodhidharma responds, the true nature of reality,

[25:30]

So hearing this, Prajnatara knew that this young prince was quite special and predestined to transmit the truth. So once the young man had fully ripened, he would be sent by his teacher to China for the benefit of those whose hearts and minds were open to this teaching. So when you're asked this classic Zen question, why did Bodhidharma come from the West? You can truthfully answer because his teacher told him to go. This story for me has a universal quality. Human children are given choices early on, which lead them either toward a greater curiosity about themselves and about the world, or leads them to a contracted worldview, a mindset, selfish, self-centered. The two older princes who will most likely inherit the kingdom are dazzled by material wealth as a measure of their personal value. Bodhidharma, advantaged by his lower ranking in the royal family, has already opened the aperture of his mind, the one and only gateway to liberation, the one and only thing that money, property, ranking, and education can't ever buy, an open heart and a clear mind.

[26:50]

As the years go by and Bodhidharma matures as a human being and begins to teach, His widening sense of reality and of himself appears again and again in his devotion to the truth. A truth that thrives on kindness and generosity, on ethics and patience, that thrives on diversity, equity, inclusivity, and accessibility. Many decades from this first meeting with Prajnatara, Bodhidharma keeps his promise to his teacher and travels by sea for three long years, to arrive in the south of China in the year 527. And so the story goes. Once in China, he encounters Emperor Wu and has what has become a famous encounter, which in our own time is the basis for testing Zen students as to their understanding of these challenging teachings and as to their own understanding of themselves in the light of Bodhidharma's awakening. This story is found in several collections of koans

[27:56]

as the first case in the Blue Cliff Record, and as here, the second case in the Book of Serenity. Emperor Wu of Liang asked great teacher Bodhidharma, what is the highest meaning of the holy truths? Bodhidharma said, empty, nothing holy. The emperor said, who are you facing me? Bodhidharma said, don't know. The emperor didn't understand. Bodhidharma subsequently crossed the Yangtze River, came to Shaolin Temple and faced a wall for nine years. Well, time went on and after the nine years alone in a cave, Bodhidharma found his disciples and wrote a sermon which has been passed down as one of the earliest examples of Zen teaching. It's called the Bloodstream Sermon. This teaching is the one that I think best reveals the role Zen language plays in untangling both the outer tangle and the inner tangle.

[29:03]

And how? By calling us back to our true nature and our true home, the luminous mind of no abode, as Reb calls his Dharma temple here in nearby Mill Valley, the mind of no abode. So as you listen to this ancient teaching from 6th century China, Notice what surprises you in Bodhidharma's answers to the young monk. And try to find, if you can, a single thread that you might follow to untangle the tightly woven ball of your own personal identity. Here's the book. And I thought you might want to see the picture of Bodhidharma there on the cover. He's headed back to his home in India, carrying... On a pole, I don't know if you can see that, a shoe. And when his burial ground was unearthed back in China, they found the other shoe.

[30:04]

It's part of the story of our founding ancestor. The Bloodstream Sermon. Everything that appears in the three realms comes from the mind. Hence, Buddhas of the past and future teach mind to mind without bothering about definitions. A monk says, but if they don't define it, what do they mean by mind? Bodhidharma says, you ask, that's your mind. I answer, that's my mind. If I had no mind, how could I answer? If you had no mind, how could you ask? That which asks is your mind. Through endless kalpas, without beginning, whatever you do, wherever you are, that's your real mind. That's your real Buddha. This mind is the Buddha, says the same thing. Beyond this mind, you'll never find another Buddha.

[31:05]

To search for enlightenment or nirvana beyond this mind is impossible. The reality of your own self-nature... The absence of cause and effect is what's meant by mind. Your mind is nirvana. You might think you can find a Buddha or enlightenment somewhere beyond the mind, but such a place doesn't exist. Trying to find a Buddha or enlightenment is like trying to grab space. Space has a name, but no form. It's not something you can pick up or put down, and you certainly can't grab it. Beyond this mind, you will never see a Buddha. The Buddha is a product of your mind. Why look for a Buddha beyond this mind? Buddhas of the past and future only talk about this mind. The mind is the Buddha and the Buddha is the mind. Beyond the mind, there's no Buddha. Beyond the Buddha, there's no mind. If you think there's a Buddha beyond the mind, well, where is he?

[32:11]

Where is she? Where are they? There's no Buddha beyond the mind, so why envision one? You can't know your real mind as long as you deceive yourself. As long as you're enthralled by a lifeless form, you are not free. If you don't believe me, deceiving yourself won't help. It's not the Buddha's fault. People, though, are deluded. They're unaware that their own mind is the Buddha. Otherwise, they wouldn't look for a Buddha outside of mind. To find a Buddha, you have to see your nature. Whoever sees their nature is a Buddha. If you don't see your nature, invoking Buddhas, reciting sutras, making offerings, and keeping precepts are all useless. Invoking Buddhas results in good karma. Reciting sutras results in a good memory. Keeping precepts results in a good rebirth. And making offerings results in future blessings. But no Buddha.

[33:13]

So how was that for you? Did something surprise you about that teaching? Could you imagine a way to engage with these teachings that say that this very mind is Buddha? How do we work with that? In the Zen school, we began by sitting down in an upright posture, if possible, under a tree. So now that I am nearing the end of my talk, I want to return to the story that I told in the beginning. Thus have I heard. While the Blessed One was living at Savati, it seems that a certain deity came to him in the night in order to do away with his doubts and asked, Lord Buddha, the inner tangle and the outer tangle. This generation is entangled in a tangle. And so I ask of the Buddha this question, who succeeds in untangling this tangle? To which the Lord Buddha replies. When a wise person established in virtue develops concentration and understanding, then as one who is ardent and wise, they succeed in untangling this tangle.

[34:25]

So the good news is that there is a way to untangle ourselves and our views of the world through the practices that brought relief and freedom to many serious seekers of the past, to Shakyamuni Buddha himself during his six long years in the forest. his seven long days under a tree, his 45 years of teaching others, and his peaceful rest in the company of his family and his students who dearly loved him. To Bodhidharma, through his devotion to his father, his teacher, and his task. These are all examples of selflessness. In other words, of offering the realization of their being no abiding self, no matter how well constructed. of there being no permanent objects, no matter how carefully made, and of suffering without complaint. Why me? No me. We all long to be free of the kinds of bondage that have been forged by human greed, hatred, and delusion, such as the stories of the Black Buddhist teachers who I heard talk about their own lineage and about the Black Moses named Harriet Tubman.

[35:39]

after which my partner and I watched a recent film by that name, Harriet, I highly recommend it. We may never find a more true hearted and selfless example in our modern era than her, determined to find freedom for herself and her family and for anyone else equally determined to be free from enslavement as she was. There is no comparison between my life and privilege and the life of a woman slave in America. And yet I too, have longed to be free from my own conditioning as both a woman and as a delusional human being, but I can't become free without the freedom of my partners. As Spring Washam wisely said, without the oppressed, the oppressor has no one to dance with. Her obvious joy at ending the mind made traps allowing for her liberation is a great encouragement to me, and I hope for all of you as well. We must free ourselves and one another as the only assignment left for us before leaving on the one-way ticket for home.

[36:44]

I told my friends the other day that I had a brief image of a womb of light as I was sitting in the Zendo the other morning, the light of this precious sun-drenched planet into which I and all of you have been born. I saw how having been born into the womb of light together with all of you, and this is the part that made me laugh, makes us womb mates. Something about seeing that and feeling that was so deeply loving and joyful. Seeing this world as if for the first time as a brief and miraculous illumination to which there will be no return. Joy and sorrow are the conjoined twins of the Buddha's profound wisdom. Without love, no loss. Without joy, no sorrow. Without darkness, no light. Without you, no no me. And without beginnings, no endings, which is where I am right now. Thank you very much for your kind attention.

[37:47]

May our intention equally extend to every being and place. With the true merit of Buddha's way, beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. I want to thank everyone for joining us today. Please know that we do rely on your donations now more than ever.

[38:59]

If you feel supported by the Dharma offerings of our temples, Please consider supporting San Francisco Zen Center with a donation at this time. Any size is greatly appreciated, and a link will show in the chat window now with different ways to donate. We will also be taking a five-minute break and then returning for Q&A. If anyone needs to sign off right now and wants to say goodbye, feel free to unmute yourselves. Goodbye, Fu. Thank you. Goodbye. Goodbye, Fu. Thank you. You're welcome. Don't go far. Thank you, Fu. Thank you, dear Fu. God bless you. Thank you, Fu. Thank you, Fu. You're welcome.

[40:01]

Thank you, Fu. Bye, Womits. See you in a few. Oh, you're muted.

[45:48]

Am I? No, you're okay. Great. Welcome back, everyone. We'll start Q&A now. If you'd like to raise your hand, there's a reactions button in the bottom toolbar of your Zoom application. And if you click on the happy face with the plus, there should be a raise hand button in there. I think... unless you're on an older version of Zoom, the raise hand feature was under the participants window under the more link. You may also send me a message in the chat and I will also scan video feeds for people just raising their hands. There's one. Poma. you go. Homa, did you want to unmute?

[46:51]

Jenny, can they unmute themselves? Oh, there we go. Okay. Great. Hi. Thank you. My mind or yeah, I call it my mind. My mind is constantly seeing mind And space, space and mind. Mind and space, space and mind. And in space, I realize and I see there is no Buddha. And the Buddha is in my mind. And I can see that. I can see that clearly, that this is the mind of Buddha. This is the mind. And then in this mind, or you may call it personality or person, you realize there is no mind. Then my question is, and I have this question for a long time.

[47:58]

It's not my first time asking that question. For some reason, and this was the same thing that came last time when I was listening to Rev. For some reason, I keep looking for the end of my life. of this mind, no mind, mind, no mind, no mind, mind, mind, no mind. And when that mind, no mind, mind, no mind thought ceases, when that stops, that's what I'm here for, which is the end. And I just want... Please, somebody, I put an end to this. I'm getting dizzy. Exactly. I'm sick in my stomach. It's not that this is like really, honestly, it's like in my belly.

[49:01]

This is so deep in my belly that I feel like I wish I could just kind of let go of this mind and no mind. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Just go back to town and get a job and just forget it. You know, the story of this end story of it's like swallowing a red hot iron ball. You can't get it up. You can't get it out. It's just stuck, you know, in the middle. And that's a good sign, actually. I know it's not a sign we want, but it's a good sign that you're working it. You know, you actually care about that question. I mean. You know, you could go a lot of places and people go, what are you talking about? You know, but here in this particular. I'm here and my here is I don't care here, there, wherever it is. I'm here for the end. I'm here. I'm here for the end.

[50:03]

Doesn't matter how many times here, there, there, here. It's in. It's kind of spinning. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's dualistic. That's how dualism works. Dual means two. And dual also, as in French, is a dual, right? So the French word dual is a very good way of understanding dualistic thinking. We're fighting with each. Darkness is fighting with light, and right is fighting with wrong, and you are fighting with them. And, you know, it's the way the mind has evolved is to see itself as separate and in a kind of enmity. There's an anxiety and there's a... competition going on among the womb mates you know there's something happening here that we inherited through evolution it's not like your fault but what the buddha did was to unravel the tangle he untangled the tangle of mara the evil one was trying to kill him and mara the evil one means mara is the master of illusions so there's a there's a

[51:12]

an illusion that's going on. You know, you're feeling that in the form that it takes for you right now. It's this, you know, turning from mind to no mind. And just please stop it, you know. And Buddha wanted it to stop too. And finally, you know how it stopped? When he said to Mara, Mara said, I'm going to kill you now if you don't get up from that problem you're trying to solve. And Buddha said, no, you're not, because I know who you are. And Mara said, you don't know who I am. And Buddha said, I do. You are myself. And with that, Mara vanished. The illusion, the magician, and the magic trick vanished. And there was another amazing trick. What was that? The sun, the stars, the grass, the trees, the other people. This miracle, the miraculous appearance, this womb of light was there. And the Buddha fell in love with it.

[52:13]

He'd been running away from it. He wanted to get to the end of it too, the end of suffering, the end of dualistic thinking. And, you know, instead he found something else. He found love for all this crazy stuff. Yeah, but was it? I don't know. I question. I don't know if he found love or love was found. Either way. I think when everything stopped, in that stopping, in that non-dualistic, In that, I call it mind because I'm speaking, there's not, you know. In that undualism, that's where he got his answer. That's where the answer was. Right. But what did he do next? Did he stay there? I want to. I know, but the Buddha didn't do that. That's not the Buddha story. He got up from under the tree. He enjoyed himself there for a while.

[53:14]

He was tempted to stay there. And the little birds came and whispered to him, sweetie, you got to help other people. You can't keep this to yourself because there is no separate self. If you think you can sit there under the tree by yourself, you're not awake. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't get it because the fact that you are sitting. you are sitting with everything. You never sit by yourself. That's right. That's right. So I think, no, if I want to make it homeless story, not Buddha's story. So yes, this self must be able to sit because this self is all self and this all self must be able to sit to sit with all self and not go anywhere and be still. And it keeps moving because it, for some, I call it stupid reason, it wants to think it's other than, you know, it wants to create this movement, you know, this idea of movement.

[54:29]

And there must be an end to this movement. So that way the whole, the totality of all is here with, I want to say with no movement, but yeah, it's a sense of presence. Yes, it is. It's a sense of presence with no movement. Well, I don't know if you're in the right school, you know, because all the teachers, Nagarjuna, you read any of them and they're actually using pens and writing things, you know? Dogan's sitting there writing. He'd run out of ink and he'd make some more ink. None of them abandoned the movement or the relationship to the relative world. They all re-engage. There are moments in meditation when you can feel as though there's no longer an us and a them or a you and a me or an up or a down. I mean, there are non-referential experiences that happen in meditation, and they're quite nice. They're free. They're blissful.

[55:30]

Yeah, yeah. But as the Buddha said, I don't stay there. That is not the way. I don't live there. There's no snack bar at the top of Mount Everest. You don't get to live. Humans don't live where there's no movement. So we can know it and we can have an encouragement from that experience. But we come back. We come back here to help others and to actually be who we really are. I mean, I think the one fantasy there is about no movement is what we call death. And that's coming. There's no rush. I mean, it's coming. We're not going to have to move anymore, apparently, once the body stops breathing and stops circulating blood and the heart stops. It sounds pretty quiet. But I think before that happens, we're really dealing with the mind which sees illusions. And until you stop falling, you, not just you personally, but until all of us stop falling for the illusions, stop believing them, and being moved by them, bothered by them, then they are in power.

[56:35]

They have power over us. But when they lose their power, I don't know if you remember in The Wizard of Oz, but Glenda the Good appears in a big bubble. And when the bubble pops, she says to the other witch, be gone, you have no power here. I'm not, you can't do your tricks on me anymore. I'm not affected by these illusions. I'm free of being caught. So really the freedom that I understand is of being caught by the illusions. They can come and go. But if you're bothered by them, then there's still more settling that we need to do. More calm. Okay? Yeah. So that freedom, that freedom is no movement. So when you say writing... When there's, when you're, I'm not talking movement means not writing, but when the writing is writing, but when there's something separate than writing, my mind is, oh, I'm writing or I'm doing this.

[57:36]

That's what I said. That's what I call the mind that is, is constantly doing something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. And you're in good company here. I don't know anybody. In fact, that isn't doing what you're talking about. Not anybody. And I know a lot of people who've been doing Zen a long time. Yes. And they go in and out of being able to not be self-centered, self-involved, self-absorbed, self-aware, and being free of that. It comes and goes. Doesn't the coming and going is self-centered? Yeah, it's all self-centered. It's an inheritance that comes along with being alive. As my therapist used to say, human first. Human first. If you think you can get rid of that, good luck. So I gave up trying to get rid of that. And I've actually been a lot happier since. I don't want her to go.

[58:38]

I'm not ready for her to go. I need her to learn some more stuff. Because you don't learn anything in the no-movement world. You learn in the world of movement and conflict and duality. That's where the learning happens. And then what you learn, you can apply to your life and your... effort to help other people who are still kind of maybe a little bit further back than you are. So you want to do whatever you can to help bring them up and to run alongside. Anyway, I know you're working on this and keep going. Because I have my own mind and I feel like my way of helping is to have my own mental state still. That's how I can help. Otherwise, yeah. Well, when you get there, you give me a call. Yes. I want to hear about that. If you can, if you're able to communicate, you give me a call, okay?

[59:38]

Thank you. You're welcome. Richard, thank you. Is that right? Yes. Hi, Richard. Yeah, you did it. Good, yeah. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. Thank you. This whole online zendo discovery and participation is just such a blessing. to have such sense of community and connection with the Zen community in San Francisco and all around the world.

[60:40]

Wow. Yeah, I know we feel it too. I do. I don't think we want to end it. No, don't end it. It's such an incredibly blessing. I mean, what an amazing expansion to where now I was in Green Goats many years ago and have since moved away and it's been unable to come back. And I've searched for different communities and connections and sanghas and it hasn't worked out. And reconnecting with the this San Francisco Sangha, primarily from Gringos, where I spent my time. And it's home. This is clearly where I belong. So now there's a way to belong. And I'm so thankful for that opportunity. I've been practicing on my own, fumbling along wrathfully.

[61:48]

as lovingly and compassionately as I possibly can, but lots still needing to be unraveled. And being here with this group and doing the Zen practice is exactly the medicine for continuing the unraveling organically, the organic unraveling process. And I'm so thankful for that. You mentioned that if we are bothered by delusions, then there is more settling to do. And that's so, so true. And the recent 21-day intensive has given me new tools for doing just that. To what you said about the Buddha and Mara. That was beautiful.

[62:49]

You are myself. You are another me. And Mara disappeared. And that seems to be consistent with the Lotus Sutra teachings to be with whatever shows up as a Dharma gate and treat it bestly. as a dharma gate with loving kindness and compassion or for me at times that's not possible i'm so entangled in my frustration or anger or sadness that the best i can do is make space just allow it to be here without pushing or pulling or engaging just here you are here i am we're sitting and trust the process. So even more than to say that Mara is myself, would be also to say that Mara is a Dharma gate and Mara is the Buddha.

[64:01]

If I understand correctly from the Lotus Sutra, all dharmas are Dharma gates. All dharmas are Buddhas. a blade of grass, a drop of water, et cetera, et cetera. Everything is an expression of Buddha nature. And I think when Buddha was saying that to Mara, essentially that's what he was saying. You know, we are one, we are all Buddha nature and truth. We are all emptiness and there is no duality and you have no power over me. And, and I'm immune to your trickery and, and, uh, coyote-like behaviors. Yeah, they probably both had a good laugh about that. You know, I mean, part of the liberation is humor. It's like every time each one of us, I know, experience some laughter, it's like, what were you just doing that, you know, before you started to laugh, before you began to smile, or before you got the joke?

[65:08]

You know, it's, you know, Reb often says, you know, I'm always just joking around, and I... You know, and I think it's true. I think he is. It's like, okay. But he doesn't make fun of anyone. He's very kind. And I think that's part of our responsibility. It's not like, you know, everybody's always joking around. So to be careful, gentle, and respectful of where each of us are in our relationship to the illusion. Very powerful illusion. And we do have to navigate, you know, this human social life. It's not that easy. And, you know, it would be nice to just step aside from it, you know? I think there is some wish I could just, like I went to a monastery. I thought that was a good move. During the Vietnam War, I go to a monastery. I just get out of town, right? Well, that didn't work. So there's no out of town. There's nowhere else to be.

[66:09]

Thank you for coming back, Richard. I'm glad we're able to connect with you and provide some companionship on the work we're all doing. Thank you so much. You're welcome. I'm scanning feeds right now to see if anybody just wants to raise their actual hand. Any other rats in the waffle? Christine? Yeah? You're a rat? Where's the rats? I am a rat. This is my first time coming to a Dharma talk. And I guess my second time with the Zendo.

[67:17]

And... It's all very sort of overwhelming intellectually, the mind, no mind. It's like, oh, this big riddle. It's all a riddle. Anyway, and I'm a rat, so I raised my hand. Thank you. You're welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Thanks. Yeah. Rats are sneaky, aren't they? such a bad story I was I was like what we won by cheating that's really what a burden oh well I had to make up I don't like the winning by cheating I know me either such as our okay all right

[68:21]

Well, take good care of yourselves. Please stay safe. We have a long way to go still. I hope some of you have gotten your shots. I just got mine last week. I'm very excited about that. It makes a big difference in terms of just feeling a little possibility of protection. So I hope you're all able to get in line or find a way to do that. It's actually quite a good feeling to be getting some help with this. So have a good day. Take care. Welcome. Again. Thank you, Fu. You're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome. Thank you, Fu. And thank you, Richard, for your wisdom, too. Thank you. Thank you, Fu. Bye. Thank you. Bye, everybody. Bye-bye. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thank you, Fu. Thank you, everybody.

[69:30]

Thank you, Fu. Bye, guys. See you later. Yes, you will. Great. Good. Cynthia. Patty. Jessica. Laudius. I love all these names. It's nice to remember. I can never remember names. It's wonderful. Yeah. Names. It's like wearing little name tags. Bill. Grace Salmon. Hey, Gracie. Bye, everybody.

[70:20]

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