This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I'm Rosalie Curtis, the Tonto, the head of practice, for the invitation to speak tonight, as well as Mark Lancaster and Vicki Austin, who are co-leading the practice period right now. For those of you who might not know me, and I see a few new faces, my name is David Zimmerman, and I've been living here and practicing at the Zen Center at City Center, Beginner's Mind Temple, for 14 years. And I'm a priest, and I currently serve the temple as the program director. And so it's wonderful to be here again with you all this evening. I am always... Curious, how many people are here for the first time? Raise your hand. Wonderful. Great. Well, welcome.

[01:01]

I hope you experience something that deeply nourishes you this evening. So it may not be something I say, it may be another experience, but whatever it is, may you find some nourishment in it. Actually, I've been thinking about the word welcome. That's part of the preparation for this talk tonight. And I looked up the etymology of the word welcome, and it's basically how it sounds. Welcome. May you be welcome when you arrive in wellness. May you be well received. May you come in good health and well-being. And may you be received completely when you arrive, when you come to this place as you are. And so the question is, can we welcome everything and everyone? And that's essentially the practice of Zen, welcoming everything as it is, regardless of how it arrives and how it appears to us.

[02:08]

And to see everything as welcome is to see the fullness of each and everything. to see its completeness, to see how it's already perfect in the way that it is, and allow it to be received in that way without wanting it to be different in any other way. So as many of you might know, the theme of this particular six-week practice period that Vicki and Mark are leading is come as you are. So welcome as you are. And most of the talks that have been given during the six weeks have some relationship to the theme of the practice period, and so I've been asked to speak to that theme tonight, which I will try to do my best, and we'll see what comes forward. There's been a particular Zen story or koan that's been bouncing around in my head in relationship to the theme of the practice period, which I'd like to explore with you tonight.

[03:13]

And... Apparently, it was a favorite of Ehe Dogen. Dogen is the founder of this particular school of Zen. And it's often recounted or referenced in his collective teachings called the Shobo Genzo, and particularly in a fascicle called Henzan. And Henzan translates to all-inclusive study or thorough-going study. And this is the koan, this is the Zen story I want to share with you tonight. The Tan master Nanwei visited the Sikh ancestor Wei Nang. Wei Nang asked him, where do you come from? I come from the national teacher An on Mount Song, replied Nanwei. Wei Nang said, what is it that thus comes? Master Nanwei was without means to answer.

[04:16]

After staying to thoroughly study this lump of mud, referring to himself, with Huenang for eight years, Nanwei finally understood the previous conversation. Thereupon, he returned and announced to the ancestor, to Huenang, I've understood what you put to me when I first came. What is it that thus comes? Wenang asked, How do you understand it? Nanwei replied, To say it's like anything wouldn't hit it. Then is it contingent on practice and realization? asked Wenang. Nanwei answered, It's not without practice. and realization, but it's not defiled by them. Wei Nang said, just this not defiled is what the Buddhas bear in mind.

[05:24]

You're also like this. I'm also like this. And all the ancestors of the heavens are also like this. So I'd like to invite you for a moment to reflect. Where do you come from? What is it that brought you to this place? What is it that you're seeking? And who, who is doing the seeking? So Zen's sixth Chinese ancestor, Wei Nang, in the morning when we have our service, we chant the sixth ancestor's name as Daikon Eno in Japanese.

[06:24]

Ask the visiting master, Nan Wei. So Nan Wei was already a well-trained teacher in his own accord when he came to visit Wei Nang. Where do you come from? Where do you come from? is a standard checking question, if you will, in Zen. It's basically testing another's dharma pedigree or their level of practice. And so you'll often hear this kind of offered forward in some exchange in Zen. And it's an exchange that works simultaneously on both the conventional relative level, as well as the mythic and absolute realm. So, Nanwei, in this instance, chooses to respond conventionally. He says, I come from having studied with the national teacher on a Mount Song.

[07:29]

Okay, so their exchange begins in the common, usual social way that we engage each other. You know? It's a relative and conditioned story of self that we often offer each other when we first meet each other. And it's basically a compiled narrative that is offered in some way as if it was our credentials. I was born here to these particular parents. I received this name. I went to school here. I got ordained by this particular teacher I studied for this length of time. So whether about it's the past or present or future, what our personal narrative does for us, it gives us a context and a location. It gives us a relational point with which to navigate

[08:37]

our lives and the world. So we usually use the story about where we came from and where it is that we're going to locate ourselves in comparison to others. How am I related to you? And I only know that if I have something to define myself in which to relate to you as you define yourself. And so we might imagine that with this narrative, with this story of ourselves, that we might get to know each other in some way. If I tell you who I am, you might say, okay, I know David in some way. And this is fine. This is what we do. This is our way. It works. But it's not the whole story of who we are. And it's not really true for that matter in many cases.

[09:40]

So essentially, it's a fabricated story. Of course, the problem begins when we begin to believe this narrative, when we invest in it, when we cling to it, when we burnish it in some ways, try to exaggerate and improve it to make ourselves look better, have a better location, in relationship to others. And then something comes along and tears our story of self away from us in some way. And then we're no longer able to locate ourselves and in some way we become lost. And this is what Judith was speaking to several weeks ago in this beautiful Dharma talk that she gave. we lose our sense of direction whenever we no longer have the compass of self-orientation, of self-story to refer to.

[10:47]

And then we're no longer sure if we're coming or going or where it is that we even stand in this moment. So perhaps sensing that non-way is seeking something by his coming forward to visit Huenang. And Huenang, having gotten the formalities out of the way, nice to meet you, thank you, hello, basically asked Nanwei a more penetrating question, a question with an eye to the absolute. What is it that thus comes? So in other words, he's asking, so where do you really come from? Where do you really come from? And with this, Renang pulls the map out from under Nan Wei, which is what any skillful Zen teacher might do for a teacher.

[12:07]

pull away our story of self to look what's underneath it, to pry our grasping fingers on who we think we are off one by one. Stop holding on to who you think you are. And so suddenly the question is no longer about locating ourselves and each other in some helpful narrative. It's rather one about our true nature, about our Buddha nature. Wei Nang is asking Nan Wei, who are you really? And how is it, how is it that you are here? But this question dumbfounds Nan Wei. He doesn't have a response. He doesn't know how to answer it. It's, if you will, beyond his realm or eye of practice at that point in time.

[13:11]

But interestingly, he's not defensive. He actually embraces his not knowing the answer to this question. And seeing that he has something to learn from Wei Nang, Nan Wei decides to stay and study with the teacher. for eight years. Studying this question deeply, what is it that thus comes? So let's consider for a moment how this question of what is it that thus comes can be understood as either an interrogative, as a question, or as a statement. Both sides equally offer us a practice orientation with which to engage the world, engage our life.

[14:15]

What is it that thus comes taken up as a question invites us to inquire into the nature of self. Who are you really before your story of self begins? and to use the language of another koan that's well known, a Rinzai koan, show me your original face, the face you had before your parents were born. And then on the other hand, as a statement, it points to the non-dual reality of the present moment. What is, is, arising now. And I've seen the line, what is it that thus comes, also translated as, this is something coming like this. This is something coming like this.

[15:21]

I remember a Shosan ceremony, a Dharma inquiry ceremony, in which Ingen Breen, who is a Zen priest who's Irish in Ireland at the moment, I asked Paul Howler the following question, what is practice? And Paul responded, well, is that a question or a statement? And Ingen thought for a moment, and he's like, well, I think it's a question. And Paul replied something to the effect of, well, then can you see it as a statement? as a description of practice. So what is it to take up a what-is practice? To practice wholeheartedly what is. In other words, can you completely live this present moment as it arrives?

[16:32]

as it shows up, can you let that be your soul and complete practice? Nothing else. Let what is be what it is in this very moment. Practice being with it completely. And so that means studying the conditions of your life, embracing acknowledging, accepting everything that appears in your life as it is in this moment, without arguing, without complaining, without convention, without turning away or pushing away, without wanting it to be any other way than what it is and how it appears before us. Can you totally welcome it, appreciate, be in accord with, be in harmony with reality as it thus comes.

[17:41]

Of course, it's hard to do this. It's really hard to do this. That's why I'm here. I don't seem to be able to do it very well. So I stay. It's difficult. It's difficult to accept ourselves as we are. And it's difficult to accept each other as we are. And it's difficult to accept reality as it is. And this is a struggle for us. We struggle. to accept ourselves, each other, in reality. And this struggle is dukkha. It's the root of our suffering, our inability and unwillingness to allow what comes thus.

[18:51]

In a certain way, the question of what it is that thus comes is parallel and I might say perhaps less immediate than the question of and how will you meet it? How will you meet what it is that thus comes? You don't necessarily need to know what it is that's coming. You don't need to know how your life is going to turn out or where your path in life is taking you. Can you be okay with not knowing? Can you be okay with not knowing how it's going to turn out in the end, whatever the end is? Can we recognize that we will probably never know? And even so, be okay available with a mind of readiness, a certain flexibility, a certain open-hearted graciousness to every experience that we have in our life.

[20:13]

There's a particular poem by Rumi that I'd like to share that speaks to this. It's called The Guest House. I'm sure many of you have heard it, particularly if you've ever been to a Dharma Talk by Paul Haller. It's one of his, I think, favorites. So I'll share it with you as well. The Guest House. This being human is a guest house. Every morning, a new arrival. A joy. A depression. A meanness. Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. welcome and entertain them all. Even if there are a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

[21:21]

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. So basically Rumi is equating our lives the essence of our being human to that of a guest house. Meaning that we are vessels for every experience, every emotion, every sense that arrives to this mind-body. And our mind-bodies are hosts, if you will, to all phenomenon.

[22:24]

Of course, What's very hard to do is to, as Rumi says, welcome and entertain them all and even meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Now, I find it hard to invite in tragedy, sorrow, depression, grief. It's difficult to invite them in. Why would you invite them in? Why befriend these? And much less invite them in laughing. It's a tall order that he asks of us. And yet to be a good host of our human guesthouse means to meet all things that arrive without discrimination. and with respect.

[23:29]

Respect, the root of the word respect, means to see again, to see every aspect of our life again and with new and fresh eyes. But failing that, if we can't do that, then can we at least be aware of our discriminations, our likes, our dislikes, our preferences, our inclinations towards some things and our leaning away towards others? Can we notice the way in which our minds and bodies lean into that which we like and want more of and lean away from that which we are averse to, don't want? Or we dodge it this way or maybe get out of the way over here. So all the time... We keep eyes on the way in which we are leaning away, turning away. I often notice how my body reflects my mental state in some way.

[24:38]

So if I'm leaning into something, I check with the mind and notice, is there grasping mind there? And if I find my body contracting, is there a mind that's pulling away from it? and vice versa. You can see it come up in the mind, you can watch it in the body. Mind-body, one being, one thing itself. When we can be aware of the ways in which we're leaning into and away from whatever it is that arrives in our house of being, into our lives, then we have a little bit of freedom, a choice, a space of choice, to decide in what way are we going to engage this particular guest? How are we going to meet them? Is it with a mind of fear and lack? I don't have enough. I can't give you anything. I can't be here for you.

[25:40]

I'm afraid of what you're going to do. Or is it with a mind of curiosity and generosity? Who are you? Can I offer you something? tell me about yourself. I want to know. And also, are we afraid in some way what enters into our house of being is going to steal everything in our house, steal our cherished stories about who we are, rip them away from us, ransack them in some way, leaving us without anything. And sometimes we think This is going to happen if we open our hearts and be vulnerable, if we open our minds and receive and listen deeply to what another person says. We're afraid somehow we'll lose ourself in the other person if we fully open to them. But what is it to experiment, to try to meet the person with gratitude and respect?

[26:48]

I remember Steve Stuckey had this habit of saying welcome whenever I arrived into his office. And I thought it was a bit, you know, at first I was like, oh, that's nice, he's welcoming. And after a while I found it a bit strange. It's like, well, you know me. Why are you welcoming me every time I arrive? You know, I was brought up to think it was kind of somehow you only welcome people you don't know well, guests in some way. But over time, I saw that this expression of welcome came from a deeper place of his practice, that he was able to welcome everything completely, and that he actually said welcome deliberately to remind himself, open to this one now. Even if I was interrupting him in the middle of a meeting or him studying or doing something else, he made sure to turn and say welcome in some way. And he taught me a lot about welcoming everything, even the things that were difficult.

[27:58]

The forest fire that came into Tassajara, the way in which he taught us to welcome it as a friend, this life-threatening being, as a guest. And also his own cancer, his own death, welcoming it. Even if he didn't like it, he still said, this is what is happening. I receive and acknowledge this completely. But who is it that's doing the welcoming? Who is meeting whom? When I come as I am and you come as you are and we're fully able to meet each other and receive each other and accept each other in our messy, imperfect way that we are, still the question remains, what exactly is it that thus comes?

[29:06]

What is it? And where do you come from when you enter this moment? when you become conscious of this moment, from what place does that consciousness arise? Another way to ask this is, what is it that is most true and alive for you in this moment? What is it that is most true and alive for you in this moment? So Nan Wei spends eight years in the monastery, eight years practicing with Wei Nang, sitting Zazen, eating Oyoki, studying, playing, engaging life with the Sangha mates, much as many of us do here. And all the while, he is meeting himself.

[30:14]

Studying. with a steadfast intention, his various narratives of self. And he's trying to get underneath them and trying to get beyond them in some way. And so I imagine that he kept at it through thick and thin, even when he was discouraged. He kept at this particular line of inquiry that his teacher gave him until one day he had a bit of clarity that he wanted to bring forward around this question. And so he finally approaches Wei Nang with a response. I have an understanding, he says. To say it is a thing misses the mark. Testing further, Wei Nang asks, then is it contingent on practice and realization?

[31:19]

And sometimes this line is translated as, Can it be made evident? Nanwei answers, It's not without practice and realization, but it's not defiled by them. And so in another translation, I've seen this phrase as, I don't say it can't be made evident. only that it cannot be defiled. Wei Nang approves. This is the teaching of all the Buddhists and ancestors. You are thus, and I am thus. So to try to define what it is that comes as a thing, to try to give it a label or a name or to define it in any way, is to miss the mark. Our stories and narratives of self and reality are not the essence of life.

[32:26]

So trying to meet our lives and ourselves conceptually, to grasp our life with some understanding, is going to miss the mark. our understanding is always going to be incomplete and vague. Or at least that's the way it seems to me. I don't know if anyone else has a different experience. Suzuki Roshi said that reality cannot be caught by thinking or feeling mind. And yet our inmost nature, our inmost nature wants some medium, some way to express and realize itself. But since the way cannot be either thinking or feeling, we are left wondering, what is the way? The jewel mirror samadhi, which is a sutra that we chant often here at City Center, Zen Center, reminds us that the meaning is not in the words, yet it responds to the inquiry impulse.

[33:44]

So what is this inquiring impulse for each of us? Why do we practice? Why do we sit zazen? Why do we study texts and do prostrations, endless prostrations, and work practice, if it's never going to hit the mark? if we're never going to have the guarantee that someday we're going to reach or arrive at enlightenment. We often think if we just practice hard enough, we're going to get there. Why do all this Zen nonsense if we're never going to get there? And then, if we're never going to get there, what are we making of our motivation to practice. What I make of all this seeking that we seem to be doing.

[34:51]

As Nanwei points out to us, it's not that there is no practice and no realization. It's just that they cannot be defiled. In other words, they can't be divided. Our practice is our realization. Our sincere effort and our realization are not separate things. So don't be fooled into thinking that awakening is going to happen outside of this present moment. It's going to happen some other time, some other place. Awakening is always right here and now. So our way of dividing up things, of creating false dichotomies such as you and me, good and bad, enlightenment and delusion, obscure reality, obscure the truth of the way things are.

[36:04]

And the way things are is inseparable and undefiable. You and me are not separate. Life and death are not separate. Samsara and nirvana are not separate. And we can only experience awakening through and in the midst of our suffering. We need our suffering to awaken. We need our suffering to awaken. So, can we see then how our problems, or what we call our problems, do not obstruct our realization? So this means then that we should focus on the interpenetration of things, on the dependent origination aspect of our lives.

[37:07]

So even though you have problems, For example, you get angry often, impatient. It doesn't mean that this problem or this anger keeps you from expressing compassion, patience, kindness. Steve Stuckey once said, practice so that your neurosis doesn't obstruct your realization of Buddha behavior. Another way to view this undefiledness is that nothing we say or do is ever going to hit the mark because there is no mark to hit. There is no ultimate location for us to get to. A thing's very defiled nature, our human and habitual tendency to divide things up into good or bad is what is empty

[38:14]

and as such is undefiled. The sky mind of awareness is undefiled and unblemished, despite any storm clouds that may appear in it. In a lecture that Katigiri Roshi once gave at Tassajara on this coin, he said that The target we are aiming for is the whole works in the ten directions. You could call it infinity or truth or the vastness of experience, emptiness. It is right here, right now. This right here, right now is beyond defilement. It is undefiled in its completeness. Nothing exists outside of it, nor inside of it, so nothing can contaminate it.

[39:22]

It is thus, and this thusness is what has been transmitted by the Buddhas and the Esses and all who follow the Buddha way. So the true nature of what it is that thus comes is empty, impermanent and dependently co-arisen. This is Buddha nature and this is the way things are. The truth is that what it is that does come can't be grasped or reached no matter how hard we try. It's beyond measure. The Prajna Paramita that we chant says, which basically says, gone beyond, far beyond, beyond any attempts to understand or define it.

[40:28]

It can only be received and experienced thusly. So this is accepting our life as it is. This is what Wey Nang is pointing to when he points to what it is that thus comes. Everything is beyond conditioning, beyond coming and going. And there's nothing that comes and goes in lessness. The Jomira Samadhi says the way to be a gracious host to our life is into wholeheartedly welcome reality is to practice secretly, like a fool, like an idiot. And this is what Nan Wei did for eight years, working secretly and intimately with the question, what is it that thus comes? And the same sutra tells us just to continue in this way is called the host within the host.

[41:36]

So essentially Nan Wei saw through his eight years of diligent practice, that there is no guest. There is nothing outside of reality, outside of this moment. So we receive reality through our senses, by listening to the sounds around us. opening our eyes and seeing the colors and forms that appear, sensing the sensations of sitting on the cushion, the texture of the tatami, the smell of flowers or incense. It's also trying to make sense or cognize my words in some way. And it's also this.

[42:41]

That's one of those annoying Zen things that a lot of people do. But the reason it's done is because it's beyond words. And I also woke you up for my last line. So stay close to this. Stay close to this moment, this truth for you. Okay. So I probably have totally missed the mark. in these words. But I believe the marks are probably in there in some way. So I still haven't told you what it is that thus comes. And nonetheless, I hope you will see it and welcome it. And please forgive me for not being a better host. And I will try harder. So thank you very much. I don't know, we might have time for one or two questions. Here's the Enu song. to be very short questions. Very short questions.

[43:44]

Let's keep this short. Anything that's coming forward for you. Yes? I often see myself accept to welcome this particular person when I talk to her or it seems like she collides into me and All the while, once I have the interaction, there's this panic door that shuts. Panic door? A panic door that shuts down and closes her off, for me, off to her. And yet I keep coming back to trying to welcome her. And I don't know what I'm doing. Is that what was proposed? Welcoming the one that appears. So the question was... She keeps trying to receive this one, this person as she is that arrives. And yet, oftentimes, a panic door comes down when she tries to meet this one and asking, is this the host meeting the host?

[44:47]

Is that correct? And... Right. Or explore why it is you keep trying. Understand... Understand that at a deeper level. Keep trying. Keep doing it. Keep turning towards the one that is closing the door. I often find that that one for me is a sense of lack of worth, lack of validity in some way. That if I truly see myself completely, that there may not be enough there. that I may not be valid enough in some way. And I know that's a story. And the minute I put that story about I'm not enough down in some way, and I let the defenses drop and be vulnerable, somehow what comes forward is a presencing for actually how I am.

[45:58]

And there's a softening that I feel in the body in some way. The softening? So the softening is happening at the same time there's another aspect that's pulling back. So acknowledge the kicking and screaming. Turn towards the kicking and screaming and welcome it. Say, I see you too. It's okay. You're okay being kicking and screaming. Tell me more about what you want to pull away from here. Tell me more about why you're afraid. Turn to that one. Welcome that one. Until you can welcome that one, that one and you together won't be able to welcome the whole being because the one that's kicking and screaming wants to be seen and included too.

[47:04]

So everything that we resist, every part of us that we resist, every contraction needs to be welcomed in some way. It has something to tell us about what's being left out in our reality, in our being. Try that. See how that dance works out. So I want to honor the time. 36. tell you what, I want to be kind and generous. Unless there's a burning question, something really happens, I'll be available afterwards to respond at any point, so please let me know. Sorry for keeping you a little bit longer. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge. and this is made possible by the donations we receive.

[48:06]

Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[48:19]

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