This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I am so glad to be here. I really am so glad to be here. I had some anxiety around for a couple, three hours. Now that I'm here, the anxiety seems to have fallen away because I look around and I figure you're all friends. And I may go whoops about something and maybe you'll go whoops with me or like that. How many are here for the first time? Anybody here for the first time? Oh, okay. Oh, wonderful. Welcome. I'm really glad to see you.

[01:00]

We are in the sixth week of a winter practice period. It's a, I believe, a 10-week practice period where we spend a lot of our time meditating in the meditation hall, what we call the Zendo, downstairs. We spend time going to classes and practice period teas and lectures and study. And we spend a lot of time Studying the Buddha's teaching as we read, as we listen to each other, and as we study what the Buddha had to say about suffering and the cessation of suffering, we study that within ourselves. Because only we can study those teachings within ourselves. Nobody else can do it for us. So this practice period is led by our abiding abbess, Christina Lanhart. and a lay and trusted dharma teacher, Marcia Angus.

[02:08]

And they invited me to fulfill the role called Shuso. And that's how you say it, Shuso. At least that's how people say it to me, Shuso. And Marcia's training me to go, hi, rather than hi. I might do both. And the role of the Shuso is to assist the practice period teachers. And it's an honor, and I feel really honored to have been asked. And the theme of the practice period is lay practice, aligning all activities with the heart of the Buddha. And this afternoon, there were many activities that... needed my attention, instead of my working on the Dharma talk, I kept reminding myself, we're focused on aligning all of our activities with the heart of the Buddha.

[03:20]

And sometimes that was helpful. Sometimes the distraction, I thought, saw these activities that kept piling in in my office, I saw some activities that piled on in as distractions. And when I noticed that, I realized I was not aligning with the heart of the Buddha. Because showing up for what shows up for us and looking at what can be the most appropriate response to what shows up is aligned with the present moment right here. And every time I remembered that, the body-mind started to calm down. Okay, so here's the next thing. And now here's the next thing. And here's the next thing. I'm so grateful to have been asked by Abbas Christina and teacher Marcia Angus.

[04:31]

And many of you may not know that Christina had a fall on Friday. I believe, was she getting off of a bus, Marcia? She was trying to catch a bus. And I understand she was feeling like, you know, kind of prancing along and feeling really good about it. And the next thing she knows is she calls her assistant and says, I need help. But she doesn't remember pretty much what happened between the time she fell and I don't know for how long after that. And she has a concussion, and so since Friday she's stayed home. And besides the concussion, she also fell flat on her face, flat on her face. So she has other injuries, but basically what I hear is that the injuries are more about looking like a member of the Simpson family. Not that there's anything wrong with being a member of the Simpson family, but it isn't what she's used to looking at when she looks in the mirror.

[05:38]

So she's doing a lot better. She's been able to do a few very small, short activities, and we're very grateful that she seems to be okay. So I'm hoping that we can dedicate the merit of our being with each other tonight towards the benefit of Christina returning body to good health. And also for Marsha, who's been watching over her too. So the theme of the practice period, aligning all activities with the heart of the Buddha, starts off with the words lay practice. And I've shifted it a bit in my own mind to lay practice, priest practice. Because all of us alike are studying this, how to align all of our activities with the heart of the Buddha. Some of us have the path of lay practice, some of us the path of clergy, priest practice.

[06:45]

But we're studying pretty much the same thing. At least that's my point of view. That may not be true, but it's my point of view. So my first question was, what is the heart of the Buddha? And before I tell you what Trungpa Rinpoche had to say about that in a book he wrote, just for a moment, you may want to ask yourself that question. See what comes up for you. What is the heart of the Buddha? Changyam Trungpa, the Tibetan meditation teacher, presents basic teachings of Buddhism in a book he wrote called The Heart of the Buddha. And the book is about how basic teachings, the Buddha's basic teachings, relate to everyday life.

[07:49]

In the first part of the book, which is entitled Personal Journey, Trungpa Rinpoche writes, of the open, inquisitive, and good-humored qualities of the heart of the Buddha, what he describes as an enlightened gene that everyone possesses. That's a phrase that I really take to, an enlightened gene that everyone possesses. How do we realize this? In our meditation, in our zazen practice, We can set an intention to sit down and notice existence as it flows through us, as it flows through the wholeness of all that exists. And after some time, we may have a glimpse of stillness that is present in the center of all activity.

[08:56]

Oh, a new battery came, a new microphone came. Fold everything into what you're noticing. This is what aliveness is, you know, to notice what's happening right here, what's happening right now. We are so lucky that we have self-consciousness, we have awareness. I don't know if other animals have that capacity, but I know we do. And many of us don't even know it. Or if we know it, we don't even use the capacity to be awake to our life and what's happening right now. Until somebody says, did you notice this? You can actually know what's happening right now. You don't have to be living in the past or planning what you're going to make for dinner Saturday night. Oh, we can take a respite. a refuge in the present moment.

[09:58]

So, what Trungpa describes as the open, inquisitive, and good-humored qualities of the heart of the Buddha, he describes in an enlightenment gene that everyone possesses. Sometimes we don't notice that. And sometimes we do, we get a glimpse of it, the enlightenment gene, whatever that means. How do we realize this? How do we realize, if that is so, how do we realize the enlightenment gene? In our meditation, we can set an intention to sit down and we can actually notice existence as it is. When we notice our breath as it enters the body and as it's released, we're noticing our life. Life is flowing through us. The body is being breathed.

[11:02]

We don't actually have to breathe it. Most of us don't have to do anything to breathe. The body is being breathed. And as we notice this, we can notice this gift of life. And after some time we may have a glimpse of stillness that is in the present, in the center of all of our activity. All elements coming and going according to context and conditions. All elements in process, impermanent. Practice realization of reality arises together. practice realization arises together. The heart of the Buddha is not something that exists outside of us. The heart of the Buddha is our true nature. Practice realization of the heart of the Buddha arises together.

[12:11]

And we can all touch this. We are all of this. Abiding with stillness, we can start to notice what the wise ones, our ancestors, our practiced ancestors, point out. We really never know what's going to happen. We can do the practical things to prepare to take care in the face of dangerous situations, and we really never know what's going to happen. I've noticed as I make contact with reality what is, I am aware that everything has its own nature. Sickness, old age, death, have their own nature. Falling face flat on the ground when we were thought we were just going to continue prancing along appears, and even though we may be care-filled, something we didn't expect to happen.

[13:14]

Concussions have their own nature. how to be with the ever-changing process of life. Well, we want stability. We want security. And yet everything is always changing. Everything is always in flux. Sometimes we ask the question, why did this happen? And that may be a wise and fruitful intellectual question. And how we relate to what's happening can be a wise and fruitful practice question. When I was a kid, I want to be mindful of the time. When I was a kid, we had fire drills at school. We'd run out to the schoolyard when the alarm sounded. And then later on, we'd learn to crawl under our desks as part of bomb shelter drills. I was of the era of bomb shelter drills. I don't know what they were thinking that we're going to climb under our desks and make ourselves really small. And then if a bomb fell on us, we'd be protected, but it gave us something to do and a sense of security.

[14:19]

An illusion, but it helped us. We were children. It probably would help me now. And so as we looked towards where we could hide or protect ourselves from danger, we were preparing. And I remember thinking that if I just did this good enough, I'd be safe and secure. I made myself really small. I was small. So I made myself really small under the desk. I was for sure going to be safe. And I could teach everyone how to do this. And if I just did it good enough, I would be safe. And I could teach everybody else how to be safe. And as it turns out, this is a metaphor for a story of my life. I was so good that I was a team captain. And I got to wear a special coat, a red coat. with gold buttons. I believed, actually, that they were really gold. It was a very special coat. I stood out and I got to wear it.

[15:22]

I even felt little when I said it, I got to wear it. And so I practiced goodness, whatever I thought that was at the time. I surely hadn't run into Mary Oliver's poem yet. Many of you know it, Wild Geese. I'm going to read it because I love it and it helps me so much because I still have the habit pattern. It takes a long time to notice these habit patterns in ourselves and a long time to notice them and then just say, well, maybe I just won't be so good. Maybe I'll just be who I am, not the little girl in the red coat with the gold buttons. So Mary Oliver's poem, Wild Geese, you do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

[16:25]

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile, the world goes on. Meanwhile, the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain... are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile, the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Wherever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting. over and over announcing your place in the family of things. Over and over announcing your place in the family of things. How do we practice when we meet a new experience or when life sends us a surprise, something different than what we wanted or we thought would happen?

[17:37]

One moment stepping off a bus or running to catch a bus to go somewhere and then fill in the blank. And a new romance budding and fill in the blank. I go job shopping and fill in the blank. No one really knows what will happen from what one second to the next. What will come across our lifetime and how will we respond to what we encounter? Will we meet what is happening? Will we do what we can to avoid what is happening? Do we metaphorically look for a red coat with gold buttons? Do we set intention to stay close to our internal experience as skillful means to examine and transform our old-fashioned habit patterns? We can practice doing this in formal meditation periods. And eventually we see that formal meditation influences all of what we're doing, how we are being with all of our activities.

[18:51]

When we leave the meditation hall, we are bringing with us the merit of our practice of stopping, settling, and simply staying with what comes across the mind screen. When we leave the Buddha hall, we are carrying all of those drops of practice that eventually fill up a bucket. Sometimes we are able to actually see that stillness reveals itself to us, a fruit of the practice that we notice stillness that's been there all along. We're so busy with all of our activities sometimes, and so living in our thoughts and feelings that we don't get to notice that there's stillness internally.

[19:58]

Always present, always there. Seeing this one time only sometimes builds the confidence and faith and transformation, transformation of old habit patterns that have led us to suffering. We can notice the habit patterns and we don't have to answer their call. We can simply be with them. And each time we're simply with them, they begin to get a little weaker because we're not feeding them. And we begin to notice that simply doing this influences all of our other activities. There's no way to know this unless you practice this. Nobody can do this for you. And when we do this, we become our own teacher. We build confidence in our ability to practice.

[21:03]

We begin to see the enlightenment gene as Trungpa Rinpoche calls practice realization coming together. In my youth, in my middle years, very fond of the writings of Carlos Castaneda. And I just want to read you a little bit of something that Don Juan says in Journey to Islam, The Lessons of Don Juan. Death is our eternal companion, Don Juan says with a serious air. It is always to our left, at our arm's length. It was watching you when you were watching the white falcon. It whispered in your ear, and you felt its chill as you felt it today. It has always been watching you. It always will until the day it taps you.

[22:05]

can anyone feel so important when we know that death is stalking us, he asked. Don Juan's words came to me as I felt some impatience yesterday. The thing to do when you're impatient, he writes, is turn to your left and ask advice from your death. And death says to me, notice, That's your life. Breathing in and breathing out in this moment. Life is here. An unexpected event comes. Be in contact with it. Observe its impact. Stay close to what shows itself. One day, death will come. And right now, there is life. We can wake up. and be with their life, just as it is.

[23:07]

The Buddhist teaching reminds me, when this is like this, that is like that. Everything is in flux, in process. No birth, no death. When these conditions are such, then this arises. When these conditions are such, then this ceases. Everything comes and goes according to conditions. As I sit with this, everything I need to know shows up and I can fully be here for what comes. We really never know what's going to happen. And although we may feel unsettled, when something unexpected comes along, we can investigate it. if it's possible to abide with stillness and calm in the midst of our investigation, we get to touch the vulnerability of a human being.

[24:13]

As we stay close to what arises, we may see that everything has its own nature. Whatever arises has its own life and falls away on its own. just as we in everything we know does. And so these words are on our Han. That's a wooden block that we use to keep time. These words are on it. It says, life and death is a serious matter. This poem by Wendell Berry in a book called Sabbaths. informs me of my practice in a way that I find quite beautiful. I hope you do too. I go among trees and sit still. All my stirring becomes quiet around me like circles on water.

[25:17]

My tasks lie in their places where I left them, asleep like cattle. Then what I am afraid of comes. I live for a while in its sight. What I fear in it leaves me and the fear of it leaves. It sings and I hear its song. I misspoke one of the lines of the poem and I'm going to say it again. Say the whole poem again so that you get the flavor of the poet's intention. I go among trees and sit still. All my stirring becomes quiet around me like circles on water. My tasks lie in their places where I left them, asleep like cattle. Then what I am afraid of comes.

[26:20]

I live for a while in its sight. What I fear in it leaves it and the fear of it leaves me. It sings and I hear its song. Thank you for being with me. It's so quiet in here and I just interpret the quietude of us all being here. I don't know if that's true but since we all make up stories I decided to have a positive spin on my story about it. I wonder if we have... Where's Valerie? Oh, do we have... I see what my clock says. Do we have any time for a question or two? Shall we stop? Well, my clock says 11.23. Wait a second. My clock says...

[27:24]

8.23. What does your clock say? All right. So. Hello. My question is, So the question is, how do I have the courage to face what comes up? I notice that a lot comes up and sometimes I want to avoid it. Is that the essence of your question? So is the question, how do I practice with that? How do I find the courage?

[28:24]

Yeah, that's a great question. Because it does take courage. Sometimes we feel like our head is on fire. What comes is so hard to be with. Like that. And so I love in the Shambhala tradition they talk about warrior practice. And I think that really is a good phrase to describe what it takes sometimes to stay with what comes up in the mind. To remember. Sometimes to open our eyes wide to remember this is actually not happening now. What was scaring me so much is a replay of something that happened in the past. Or it's fear about something that's going to happen in the future. But it's not happening right now. I can sit with this to investigate this and be with it and not allow the stories in my mind to be the boss of me.

[29:26]

I can actually sit with this. And as we do so, we interrupt some of the really scary stories that come up. I use the word stories not as a pejorative term, but as one that seems to happen for us human beings. We have thoughts, we string them together, we repeat them over time, and they become a story that we paste in the book of our life. And we repeat them over and over. You're smiling a bit. It sounds familiar. We repeat them over and over and over again. It isn't so much that we repeat them. They repeat themselves. We didn't invite them to come in, particularly the scary stuff. But they come in anyway. So we can recognize them for what they are. Oh, this is a memory. Or this is a fantasy about what's going to happen. And we just stay. We sit until all of the stirring becomes quiet. Then when what's afraid of comes, I live for a while in its sight.

[30:31]

What I fear in it leaves me. It sings and I hear its song. And over time, the stories find their own way out. They have their own life. And when we don't try to push against them or bring them to us as if this is who we are, then they have an opportunity to be in this spacious field, and they get to find their own way out. And when we don't feed the fires, they burn themselves out. But you can only know this if you practice it, and it takes a lot of courage. Thank you so much for your question. I think we have time for one more, maybe three-minute question. Answer. What? We have one more question. Can you say that again? You struck something that really resonated with me.

[31:32]

I think what you said was the stories that you are telling yourself are not happening now. They either happen before, you think they may happen again, or you're projecting into the future. Can you embellish on that? What exactly is the question? The question is the concept of being afraid of things that have happened in the past or thinking that something might happen in the future. That is a very important aspect. Okay. So you want to know more about that? So the comment is that sometimes what arises is about something that's in the past or something we worry about or that might happen in the future.

[32:34]

And so you're wanting more of an explication about that. So the memory is actually happening in the present moment. But it's a memory that is physically not happening. The fantasy about what's happening in the future is a fantasy that's happening in the present moment. But it's actually not happening in the moment. But we can see that there is a difference between what's going on in the mind only and what is actually happening physically. And sometimes when the going gets really rough, I've said to people who I counsel about some of these things, it's okay to open your eyes. This isn't strictly our practice here, but it's okay to open your eyes and just look a little bit from side to side without looking at anything to see, are there any raging bull elephants going to trounce on me right now?

[33:39]

No, that's just a fear I have because I saw a movie about it. Then we come back to our practice. Oh, that was happening in the mind. And when we see this over and over and over again, we're able to see the stories that have led us to not staying in the present moment, to simply be with what's actually happening. Does that answer a bit? I don't think so, because I... because I'm looking at the person in charge of this hall, and because I also know how early people have to get up tomorrow, including me. So I know that the underpinning of us looking to see if we can end by 8.35 has to do with kindness and compassion for the people that are going to be in the Zendo tomorrow, mighty early in the morning. But I'll be outside for a little while, and I'll have just a little while to talk with people.

[34:44]

because I too have to get up early in the morning, but I want to meet you that want to meet me. Thank you for your question. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dormen.

[35:15]

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