Rick Fields, the famous and wonderful Buddhist Tibetan Buddhist and journalist, was doing a one-year retreat. He was doing it in a cabin near a creek, all alone. And he began to hear a tune in the creek, which those of you who have been to Tassajara may have your own top ten songs that you hear in the creek except there's no relief from this tune and she didn't like the tune so he got up went into the creek and started to move the rocks around to see if he could change the tune and he couldn't

[01:26]

Rick was a Canadian, and the tune he was listening to was the Star-Spangled Banner. This is a funny story, and it is kind of funny, but I think there's a big point to it. First of all, he took his mind seriously enough to see if he could change the creek. That's really... He checked it out. That's a good practice. The fact that it didn't change, well, that may also be a good practice. My teacher, Bill Weitzman, in the 70s, was... writing a book, those of us who are his students, writing a book about him for his 80th birthday, which is this July.

[02:40]

And Samuel mentioned something, which was that in the 70s, Noel was basically isolated. He wasn't in a good relationship with the abbot of the San Francisco Zen Center. And he had the Berkeley Zen Center, but all the people he practiced with had been in San Francisco and he was kind of shunned. But the person who wrote this story said he felt embarrassed that he had shunned. No. But he'd noticed that when I just kept up with this practice, it didn't faze him. He got up and did zazen. And the fact that he wasn't getting good strokes or anything, it just continued. And that's what I want to talk about.

[03:50]

How when things are not going the way you like them, what do you do? It's okay to go and try to change the rocks. change what you think is causing the background in which you're working. But it's not about circumstances being good or bad. It's about you're meeting your practice in each moment. You spend a lot of time trying to fix things. And it's okay to try to fix something. whether you can fix it or not, you are where you are. And you need to meet the moment. There's always some tune going on in the creek that we may not like.

[04:54]

Even if there's like a rolling stone on the creek bed, that too gets tiresome. of course we want to make things better. But Mel's character wasn't about whether the circumstances were good or not. He wouldn't say, I'll practice when the circumstances are better. If only my health were better. If only better, more friends. If only Zen Center was better. It was a better institution. To be part of an institution means you need to try to improve the institution.

[05:57]

And it also doesn't matter. I've been at Zen Center for 30 years. Almost 37 years. And there have been good times and not so good times. And the time of the practice was even clearer in the not so good times than they were in the good times. It's not about what your results are. up with the Star Spangled Banner or O Canada or I was thinking what would be horrible music and I kind of remember Lawrence Welp but maybe that's not fair here.

[07:07]

There must be some good in there too. We also identify with Zen Center, so if Zen Center is good, we're good. Zen Center is not so good, we're not so good. And to have that much identity is okay if it's not too much. to try to fix things, to try to make them better is good, particularly if we're not attached to the results. We often try to make institutional changes which can't be got at by institutional changes.

[08:21]

his personal transformation. I was only, I only saw Suzuki Yoshi a few times. But in Suzuki Yoshi's time, the institution wasn't so sophisticated. But it didn't need to be. And now we have a very sophisticated system And we're disappointed that it doesn't work better than we think it should. But to listen to the sound of the creek, to listen to the sound of our own minds, to be present in each moment, whether the circumstances are good or bad, It's pretty special.

[09:24]

Special, but it's not something we can build ourself up about. It's just being aware of things as they are. So I'm not even sure that that story about the creed was true or not. I was told it, but that doesn't mean it was true or not. Rick was a very practical person. Very straightforward.

[10:27]

Now some of you may have left the cabin and tried to find a creek with a better tune. at the bottom of each moment. I was talking to somebody today and he said he really appreciates the depth and simplicity of Zaza. And there's something that's really right about that. tuning into their ether hearing what's playing on the radio and not caring when you really care about the tune it won't change you'll get all upset of course you would like things to be

[12:09]

We would like everyone to be happy. We would like to be happy. But we always have this only if. Things would be fine only if. Only if I was in a relationship. Only if I wasn't in a relationship. Only if I finished school. Only if I had a job. Only if I had a different job than the one I have. When you listen to all the only ifs, it gives you a headache. You're pushed around by circumstances, and we all are to some extent. But to listen to the sound of the cars go by,

[13:15]

to refresh ourselves with Zazen each morning. Open ourselves as to what it has to tell us. And then when it's work time, we take our Zazen mind and see if we can be as present as... Unattached. Well, I don't want to say unattached because then I get the wrong idea. But I'll say it anyhow, unattached. When I think about Zen Center, I think about the people I practice with and the people that came before me.

[14:22]

And they're really inspiring, even though I sometimes think they're crazy. And they are a little crazy, but they're also, there's a groundedness and a kind of openness, which you can't get anywhere else. And of course, people say, they've been practicing for, what did I say, 37 years, and they still do that. They say, you should have seen us before. In this book we're doing for Mel,

[15:32]

And Hoitsu, Suzuki Roshi's son, wrote a chapter because he's Mel's transmission teacher. And he said when you become 80, which is Mel and Mel's age, sometimes you're called an umbrella man. You kind of protect. People can practice under you. Zen Center is going through some changes now. And through most of the time I've been here, it's gone through changes.

[16:34]

Sometimes I'm rooting for the changes, sometimes I'm rooting against the changes. But if I return to Zazen, become grounded in the open play of body, speech, and mind. Since then it's main purpose, it's to provide a space for that. And to create other teachers who can become an umbrella for other people to study under.

[17:39]

So there are some people who are in denial about how they're feeling and then you've got to go into the creek and try to change the rocks. If you know how you feel, and go deep into the breath moment, something new may happen. going too much longer, but are there any questions?

[19:26]

Yes. You might think that unattached means yourself. we're all connected and yet we don't have to cling the connection is there but if we cling it gets yucky so do you think Do you think the song he was hearing was going to be creeped out in his mind?

[20:37]

Well, I don't care. I care that he checked it out for himself. Do you care? If it was real, and he couldn't change it, he should return to his practice. If it was false, because he couldn't change it, he should return to his practice. What's the similar ingredient? I think results are not that important practice.

[21:54]

I think there's only words that it's important. I'm sorry, results are not important. They're not the evaluator. I often tell the story about when I was at Tassajara and I was one of the go-ons and that we hit the bells pretty well and my chanting was okay. But I had a very hard time with the drum. And particularly the meal drum. And the Tassajara, anybody hears, everything goes on, and people would come up to me and say, you know, you're not playing the drum right. And the first dozen times I said, okay, yeah, I kind of know that. And then the second dozen times I said, oh, is that true? And then I kept practicing it, and even though I kept practicing it, I got a little better.

[22:58]

A little better, but still it was pathetic. So then one day the abbot came. He had been out of town for a while. He came and he said, you know, you're not hitting the drum right. I said, no. He picked up the drum. He couldn't play it very well either. But it wasn't. He really thought he could. And then he kind of built an excuse to leave. I mean, the conversation. And so... It wasn't a matter about how good I hit the drum. I tried to hit the drum, that's important when you try to hit the drum. That's what's important. That you make the effort to, and you stay present whatever the result is. There's a being in a beaver with a one-third of danger beaver.

[24:14]

Now, coming back, I was thinking I would start to be nice that beavers can stop the creek and make it to be quiet. And still, I guess that would just be one more thing. Well, I had a lot of ideas when you said that beavers might have a certain tune that they like. They might make the creeks. hope for a solution to our lives. Maybe the beavers can fix it. Well, I guess what I want to encourage you all is to keep practicing. To notice if you're feeling that things are good or not so good. That's Okay, but don't let that stop you from doing anything.

[25:19]

Don't let that stop you from learning about yourself. We often learn more in difficult circumstances than in easy circumstances because we coast when things are easy. When you really can't hit the drum very well and you practice it every day and everybody hears it, You have to admit something to yourself. The same thing happened about the same time. During Sushi at Tassajara, I stayed up all night one night. It really wasn't a big deal. I was just on a roll when it was easy. Not that it usually was, but it was. And then I, when the wake-up bell, I left the sandal and washed my face and brushed my teeth and came back.

[26:28]

And I had been alert the whole night, but in the morning I was completely asleep. And it was the person who carried the stick to wake you up. And at Tassajaya, you get to know everybody who carries the stick. And some people are very enthusiastic. They really like to carry the stick. And some people are very shy about it. They don't like carrying the stick. It's better to be hit by someone who likes carrying the stick because they do it with precision. If you don't like doing the stick, you... This person was... Really enjoyed hitting. And usually I kind of would have some kind of resentment about her or grudge, but I was so asleep that I just said, oh, she's doing her job. And every time she came around, she hit me.

[27:32]

And it was almost comical. I had no defense. And it was fine. It wasn't a matter about how dare she hit me or doesn't she know if I'm dead asleep. It's not about performance so much. Of course, I tried to stay awake. And you have come for an evening talk. I hope you've tasted a little bit of the simplicity and depth of practice, whether you listen to my song or not. Thank you.

[28:32]

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