This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good day, everyone. I assume you can hear me okay unless you indicate otherwise. Just take a moment to take you all in. an honor and a joy to be with you all again in this virtual practice field. As Koto said, I'm zooming into you from Beginner's Mind Temple. And to those of you of the Jewish faith, happy Passover. And to those of you of the Christian faith, happy Easter. And may this spring season bring everyone alike the joy of the new beginnings, new perspectives, and new friendships.

[01:01]

The occasion and holidays to celebrate spiritual resurrection, liberation, and promise feel particularly timely this year, given that the world is slowly emerging from what seems to have been the worst of the coronavirus pandemic and is trying to, you could say, find its footing again in a changed reality. And here in the US with increased vaccination available throughout the country and the potential for herd immunity, immunity, you can say that word, herd immunity in the coming months, many of us are starting to think about the next steps for ourselves and for our communities. And I think it's safe to say that people around the world have anticipated the moment when we can finally wake up from the collective nightmare caused by COVID-19 and our lives can return to pre-pandemic normal.

[02:06]

Understandably, we might feel certain hope and excitement and being able to once again take up all the activities and the habits we enjoy and engage in but have had to forego. for obvious reasons, like going to restaurants, movies, concerts, visiting the homes of friends, traveling, and even going to our local Dharma Center to practice in person. I've had so many people ask, when is Zen Center going to open again? We want to come back and join you all in person. And so hopefully in the not too distant future. And yet, despite finally seeing the light at the end of the proverbial toner, tunnel, not everyone relishes the thought of returning to the way things were before the pandemic. For every person who's chomping at the bit to exit our COVID shelter, there are others of us who are saying, wait, not so fast.

[03:10]

As the reality of post-pandemic normality seems within sight, we may understandably have some concern and ambivalence about what comes next. Just as it took significant logistical and social and emotional effort to make the quick adjustment to shelter in place last March, and now also it's going to take considerable effort to step forward, or maybe you might consider it step back into post-pandemic life. including returning to communal workspaces and engaging once again in in-person social interactions. And for some, the latter might be the harder adjustment. Many of us who are naturally inclined towards introversion, and I include myself in that category, have somewhat appreciated not having to navigate through social situations to the same degree as we had in the past.

[04:20]

Perhaps you shared with me the quiet relief of having the excuse of health and safety to be a hermit in my home and relish quieter ways and practices. And for those of you who are extroverts, I'm sorry. This time, of course, in fact, for those of us who've learned to brace the slower, quieter pace of life, ushered in by shelter in place, the very idea of returning to pre-pandemic social norms can actually produce great anxiety. I read an article last week that highlighted the results of a recent survey from the American Psychological Association. And the survey found that nearly 50% of adults reported feeling anxious and uncomfortable about getting back to normal pre-pandemic life, and particularly about returning to in-person interactions.

[05:26]

And the article said that this anxiety consisted of not just lingering concerns about the psychological and emotional energy it will take to re-engage others, as well as the, I'd say, the subsequent joys and problems that will come with being in relationship with others. There's both the benefits of being in relationship and there's the drawbacks. Some time ago, I saw a Facebook post that sagely advised, in the rush to return to normal, take the time to consider which parts of normal are worthy returning to. And it's so boring to realize that many of us, may not necessarily want to return to normal or to go back to the way things were. And perhaps in part because the pre-pandemic normal was at times as harmful, deadly, or traumatizing as the coronavirus itself.

[06:39]

The recent and numerous incidents of violence against Asian Americans, and the current trial of Derek Chauvin for the murder of George Floyd, leave many of us with questions about what kind of post pandemic normal awaits us. Indeed, normalcy itself is a troublesome, troublesome term. It simply indicates a context or a situation that we've grown accustomed to as a society or community. And it might not even be desirable or good if unpacked further. And in the case of the pre-COVID-19 world, it was certainly less stable and resilient than we might have believed. If anything, you could say it was brittle, inequitable, easily dislocated, and has left us clamoring for alternative models of human well-being.

[07:50]

And furthermore, by looking for what was normal before the pandemic, are we really simply hankering for what effectively amounts to a temporal or historical self or society that never really was there? A year ago, as the pandemic began, was taking hold, the Indian author and activist, Harundati Roy, wrote that, historically, pandemics have forced humans to break from the past and imagine their world anew. This one is no different. It's a portal, a gateway between one world and the next. When we can choose to walk through it, we can choose to walk through it, dragging the carcasses of prejudice, and hatred, our avarices, our data banks, and dead ideas, our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us.

[09:00]

Or we can walk through, lightly, with little luggage, ready to imagine another world and ready to fight for it. There's no question that the coronavirus pandemic has cause untold amounts of pain. And we'll continue to do so for some time, I think. But we could also see its presence as the perfect opportunity to pause and ask ourselves, what constitutes a fulfilling life? What kind of life in society do we want to insist on? To create. Not just for ourselves, but for all beings. And for Mother Earth as well. We've been given up a unique opportunity to wake up.

[10:07]

To wake up to the nature of suffering around and within us. To raise our awareness of the myriad causes and conditions that contribute. to the suffering, to create systems of mutual support, collaboration, and benefit, and ultimately to emerge on the far side with a new vision of life. We've been given an extraordinary chance to find alternative ways to think, to feel, and act. What will we do with it? The 13th century Sufi mystic and Persian poet Jala Adin Rumi, or better known simply as Rumi, offers us some words of wisdom for how we might proceed.

[11:20]

Today, he says, like every other day, we wake empty and frightened. Don't open this door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don't go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the door cell where the true worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep. Our roommate's council is relevant to how to live every day of our life.

[12:26]

It seems particularly apropos as we awaken from our collective pandemic nightmare. It can take a lot of dedication, perseverance, and courage to stay awake in difficult times. And we can have all kinds of ways of negotiating periods of transition. You know, typically we resist and then maybe we surrender. We may feel stuck, but in time we may grow. I myself, at times I've gone back to sleep in order to resist the forces of change in my life. And at other times I've also stayed awake and in the process I've been broken open. Both ways are difficult, but But only one way offers the gift of liberation. If we can stay awake when our lives are changing, then this room retells the secrets will be revealed to us.

[13:36]

Secrets about ourselves, about the nature of life, and about the eternal source of happiness and peace that is always available, always renewable. already within us. How we choose to step through the doorway makes all the difference. When we first entered shelter in place over a year ago, I suggested to the residents of Beginner's Mind Temple that we might think of ourselves as collectively entering a novel type of monastic practice period or intensive, one of indeterminate length, because we didn't know how long this pandemic would last. And with the theme of Zen in the time of pandemic, and the leader of the practice period, the Dharma teacher, if you will, goes by the name of COVID-19.

[14:42]

And while we may not have voluntarily entered this particular practice period, It's where we found ourselves. And rather than being cloistered in some rustic Zen monastery, we were confined to our homes, with the online Zen though being our only collective practice space. The koan presented to us at the start of the intensive was one of, how did we intend to practice given the unfamiliar, uncertain, and life-threatening circumstances. Were we going to fight and resist or deny the circumstances we found ourselves in? Or could we turn with mindful deliberation to the reality of the situation and discern with some sense of composure and thoughtfulness?

[15:49]

what needed to be done to take care of ourselves and each other. And furthermore, were we ready and open to receiving the particular Dharma teachings COVID-19 was presenting us? As you know, we quickly discovered that some of its teachings would be undeniably challenging to our way of life and to our our sense of self and the world. Now, as anyone knows who's ever done an extensive period of residential practice, for example, a week-long sushin, a month-long retreat, or a three-month ongo, these intensive periods of concentrated practice can both invigorate us and challenge us. challenge us to the core of our being, asking us over and over on numerous levels, who are you?

[16:58]

What are you made of? How do you understand your relationship with others? And what is your place in the world and within the great fabric of being? The crucible of a practice-intensive is then this consists of sitting long hours facing a wall, observing our minds, emotions, and bodily experiences with little to distract us. And limited, prescribed social interaction brings us face-to-face with ourselves and our suffering. A dutta. And yet it's during such a crucible, during such crucible conditions, that we're forced to reckon with a deeper sense of truth, aliveness, and connectivity.

[18:08]

One that comes about through our deliberate engagement with our suffering, our delusions, and our dis-ease. There's also a way that suffering and adversity of a certain nature can begin to undermine our stubborn sense of being a separate self. The thing is, when we begin to let go of our personal narrative through the crucible of adversity, we become more able to recognize a shared narrative. and a universal experience with others. We recognize that the commonality of a journey we're collectively making, whether we want to or not, and irrespective of our individual experiences that are unique intersectionalities. Furthermore, when we open within adversity,

[19:16]

including, in this case, within the crucible of the pandemic, we also begin to recognize the crucibles or adverse conditions that others dwell in and which dwell within them as well. And in this recognition, we realize we are no longer alone. while this pandemic practice period has forced on us many forms of social distancing and isolation in other ways that has brought us together. And in doing so, has awakened us to a deeper sense of connection and immediacy. So I invite you to inquire and reflect. What has this time of pandemic practice awakened in you?

[20:20]

What ways has the coronavirus and its impact been a Dharma teacher for you? What have you discovered about yourself and your way of being as you've navigated the trials and challenges and blessings of the last year? Were there ways in which the pandemic encouraged you to let go of old narratives and expand your sense of connectedness to others in the world? If so, how? And what have you discovered about slowing down? About simplicity? About being quieter? About intimacy? What have you learned about the nature of Zen practice during this time of pandemic?

[21:24]

And finally, how will you carry the teachings of the pandemic forward? Stepping through the doorway into a new day, a new world. What will be resurrected? What will? appear anew. Any extended period of intensive Zen practice, such as a sushin or retreat, and frankly, even a single period of sasen, after any of this period of intensive practice, it suggested that people make the transition to re-entering their lives beyond carefully and mindfully. Periods of intensive practice can open us, make us more vulnerable and tender, more sensitive to stimuli from the world around us.

[22:41]

We may have had deep insights or discoveries about ourselves or our way of being that will take some time for us to digest and integrate into our life beyond the rarefied container we've been cocooned in. Therefore, following any intensive period of practice, we're encouraged to move slowly, to be intentional, to to reincorporate activities carefully, to titrate our re-exposure to familiar activities, and perhaps even to ask ourselves, does this still serve me and my deeper intentions? Does this nourish and sustain my practice of awakening? Does it foster authentic connection?

[23:46]

I would propose that we take a similar approach to how it is we emerge from our year-long pandemic practice intensive. Carefully. Mindfully. Intentionally. It's helpful to think that the end of our coronavirus retreat is as important as any other part has been So instead of relaxing or discontinuing our practice because both the level of uncertainty and the restrictions upon us have significantly decreased, it's helpful to maintain vigilance and constancy of practice, of effort. Doing so allows us to better absorb, process, and integrate the the overall experience of the last year, so that any learnings or insights have a greater lasting value.

[24:53]

A relaxing of our practice effort, in fact, at this time, can lead, as Rumi warns us, to inadvertently fall back to sleep. This... we find ourselves in right now in the dynamic feels to me a little bit like day six or seven of a seven-day sushin or a meditation retreat when we know we're close to the finish and our minds inevitably start to turn to what we're going to do next or that we need to attend to afterward. Do any of you have that same kind of experience right now? Typically increased thinking and Exhortation marks this shift. And I've noticed for myself that my mind has already been active since I received my first vaccination shot earlier this week. I'm planning now all kinds of things that I want to do this summer that I couldn't do last year just because of a little shot.

[25:58]

As if it's released something within me that's been kind of held up for some time. It's often the case that at some point near the end of a practice intensive, mental patterns and conditioned habit patterns that receded or fell away during the retreat begin to return. And this will probably also be the case to varying degrees as we transition out of the pandemic. Common worries and desires, personal problems or challenges, increased self-consciousness may all reappear or reassert themselves. They may have, for a period of time, receded into the background in some way. They weren't maybe a particular one as forefront throughout the pandemic. And when we're on retreat, we have the opportunity to find a different vantage point from which to observe and look more deeply at these karmic afflictions that

[27:09]

typically go unseen in the busyness of our daily life. Practice over time supports us to shift the relationship of our feelings, emotions, and thoughts by viewing them with more equanimity, acceptance, and kindness instead of getting entangled in them. So how has the pandemic practice period, giving you a new perspective with which to view some of your condition habit patterns. What have you learned? For example, as often happens during a period of Tenzin practice, we may have found ourselves during the pandemic experiencing, to varying degrees, a disruption of the self, a disruption to our narrative of self. unmoored from the many ways in which we maintain a narrative, in this case, due to loss of work, perhaps, or connection to family and friends, or engagement in the external, the usual external interests and social activities, we may find, we have maybe found ourselves falling through what can feel like an open space, which we're not quite certain

[28:40]

as we once were who we are, or even who we want to be. I would encourage you to allow this time of suspension of your habitual story of self, to whatever degree you may have experienced it, to continue beyond the apparent end of the pandemic. Don't rush too quickly to reconstitute it, to reshape it in the form of it was before, or to even imagine fashioning some better self on the far side. As Paul Haller suggested last week in his Dharma talk, simply be in the midst of who you are and what you are right here and now. Allow yourself to sink into and dwell a little bit more deeply in this present moment, in this liminal time and space.

[29:53]

The pull to fall back into pre-pandemic ways and habits might be strong and enticing. However, right now is an opportunity, well, which you know, actually, frankly, this opportunity is available to us any moment, to recognize whether we may be starting off this post-pandemic transition from a place of autopilot or falling into the same habitual, old habitual styles of thinking and behaving that we really want to change at some level. And this might mean engaging in habits that don't serve our health. well being or or true happiness. For example, drinking and eating too much, or isolating, or too much TV, too much digital interaction. Or also with habitual ways of thinking.

[30:59]

For example, negative self talk. Rumi reminds us that the breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. Don't fall back into the same old, same old. He reminds us that the doorway to awakening is there. It's round and open. If we're quiet and still, deep down we can feel it. We can feel its boundlessness and freedom. We may have even tasted that freedom. And sometimes it just, it takes just a gentle reminder to put us into a space of awareness where we can see the threshold, see an alternative way of being, and to make intentional change.

[32:03]

Just as we throughout a Zen retreat, during this transition period of the pandemic, we can also explore what we might be clinging to and how it is we might let go. While you may have felt there was already a lot of letting go forced upon you during the pandemic, the practice of letting go was actually never ending in Zen, right? We may even have adopted some new habits or attachments during the last year that now as the pandemic winds down, we'll want to reconsider whether they still serve us. Has anyone else's Netflix consumption in the last year doubled? There may also be expectations or fears about what lies ahead. that only serve as obstacles holding us back.

[33:14]

So what might you let go of before stepping forward into post-pandemic life? Simply asking oneself, what do I need to let go of? What am I clinging to? Why am I clinging to this? These questions may reveal attachments that that underlie the way that the mind operates? And on the other hand, what might the letting go make room for? Can we intentionally maintain or make the space for endeavors that bring us joy and ease, such as Rumi's suggestion of taking up a musical instrument? I have lots of friends who have said they've either returned to or taken up a new hobby, a new creative expression, music or drawing or painting or poetry, knitting, something, just because they now have more space and time to do it, and it's nourishing them in a different way.

[34:26]

So what have you discovered about beauty and connection? during the last year that you want to carry forward. I do acknowledge that this pandemic intense has not only been challenging for most of us, but it's also been traumatic in a number of ways. Besides the abrupt disruption of our lives, many of us may have experienced trauma due to the loss of loved ones to COVID or from instances of hardship and violence during this time. We may still be in the midst of grieving and mourning as well as healing on various levels.

[35:32]

So don't move too quickly to get back to normal. And in the process, circumvent your natural grieving and healing process. Allow yourself to feel and process the trauma of what has individually and collectively been experienced. If need be, consider seeking additional support. Talking to a practice leader or a therapist, for example. And furthermore, the return of our pre-vanedic routines, work circumstances, and social engagements may also be traumatic for some of us. I read an article recently that said that anytime you experience a traumatic event, your return to the everyday world after healing is called re-entry. And while some can shift from a

[36:38]

extraordinary situation with moderate ease, there will be many who experience what's called re-entry trauma, where the adjustment to the new normal causes anxiety, insecurity, depression, and perhaps even re-traumatization. And this is all the more reason why we need to be able to proceed slowly, and with care. To create and rely on places and practices of refuge and safety. And to be patient and compassionate with ourselves and each other as we adjust to a post-pandemic world. We don't know what the long-term effects of the pandemic will be physically, emotionally, psychologically, culturally.

[37:40]

So many changes that have yet to play themselves out from this time. There's this common phenomenon in which the effects of a meditation retreat on us tend to continue after its official end for a period of duration similar to its length. So, for example, the immediate effects of a one-week retreat may continue for a week after its ending. And a month-long retreat will continue for another month. And similarly, I expect we will most likely continue to experience the psychological and somatic effects of the pandemic, whether positive or negative, not just for months, but perhaps for a year or more after we've returned to so-called normalcy. take care to be mindful and attentive of whatever lingering energies and emotions you may encounter during this time.

[38:46]

Rushing back to a fully packed life as you had pre-pandemic may actually cut short any integration process. Perhaps consider making time for reflection, for journaling, for talking to our trusted friend about what you're experiencing as we make this transition. And of course, continue your meditation practice. As meditation, you've been very supportive for any integration process, helping to bring an emotional and mental balance during this time. And it's important to stay focused as as we individually and collectively transition out of this pandemic intensive. And finally, from the perspective of ongoing mindfulness practice, just as the end of a retreat is opportunity, so is the end of the pandemic.

[39:59]

Bringing the practice into one's entire life includes practice before and during and after pandemic times. Our practice continues in whatever new circumstances we come to. Dogenliya, 13th century Japanese founder of Soto Zen, spoke of Gyoji, continuous and sustained practice, which essentially means living our lives with full, hard-hearted engagement. All the time, and regardless of circumstances. So, before the pandemic, we practice. During the pandemic, we practice. And after the pandemic, we practice. There's no end to the practice of being compassionate and awake human beings. This is the true path of healing we can offer everyone.

[41:06]

So I want to close by sharing another poem. This is a brand new poem by Naomi Shihabnai, and it's titled Dear Vaccine. And apparently, Naomi conceived of this poem, Dear Vaccine, as a, she called it a global community poem. And she wrote it in the spirit of inviting folks to share their voices to promote the COVID-19 vaccination through the imaginative language of poetry. So there's a website for this where you can go and add your own reflections and words in response. It's quite lovely to see this. I love the way this collective creative invitation is kind of coming to life in this way. So I'm going to share this poem with you. Dear Vaccine, save us, dear vaccine. Take us seriously.

[42:11]

We had plans. We were going places. Children in kindergarten. So many voices in chorus. Give us our world again. Tiny gleaming vials. Enter our cities and towns shining your light. Restore us to each other. We liked our lives. Maybe we didn't thank them enough. Being able to cross the streets with people we didn't know. Pressing elevator buttons. Smiling at strangers. Standing in line to pay. We liked standing in line more than we pretended. It's a quick prick in the arm. You'll barely notice it. It's the gas in the car getting us going again.

[43:15]

It's the turn in the road. Face-to-face conversation. Sunday soon. It's the hug. Forever. It's the hug. Maxine, please make the air clean. We went to yoga classes, deep, collective breathing, in small rooms, in cities where we didn't even live. How brave we were. Vaccine, please. Restore our lives. Believe they were beautiful. So I wish for all of you. to have a beautiful life. We are very fortunate in so many ways.

[44:17]

May we continue to practice together and make for a beautiful life. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge. And this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[44:52]

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