Hello, everyone. I'm not assuming we're all in the same time zone. So saying good evening is risky, but anyway, it's good evening here. And I want to thank Nancy Petrin, our Tonto, our head of practice, for inviting me to speak tonight. I also want to thank Kodo, the Eno, for this presentation. introduction, and I'd like to thank the Zoom host behind the scenes, Matt Nichols. And I want to thank all of you for participating in this talk tonight. And it wouldn't happen without you. So we're co-creating this event. So I've been giving a lot of thought to what connects us in this time of the COVID-19 pandemic when so many of us have been practicing social or I like to call it physical distancing for nearly a year.

[01:13]

What connects us to one another, whether we live alone with family or friends or as some of us do, in a community, in this community at Sun Center. You know, one response might be, well, the internet connects us. But I think there's more than the internet and some of our Buddhist teachings and practices that help us to connect beyond our own walls to our loved ones, our city, our country, and the planet. And another question I'll reflect on is what enables us to enact our bodhisattva vow, the vow to live and be lived for the benefit of all beings in this time of limited ability to actually be together physically.

[02:17]

So the theme of my talk tonight is harmonious activity. Another word for it is cooperation. Looking at the mind or the heart-mind, since mind and heart are so connected, the heart-mind and the actions that enable us to connect with each other for the common good. I will be referring to some teachings of the Buddha and of our Zen ancestor, Ehe Dogen. as well as some lessons we can learn from trees and some daily practices that foster cooperation between individuals in communities and in our world. So I'll start with the Buddha. Over 2,500 years ago, he taught about four methods. He called them four methods of embracing others.

[03:22]

He said in a translation by Bhikkhu Bodhi, he was speaking to gathering of monks. Monks, there are these four means of embracing others. What for? Giving, endearing speech, beneficial, a beneficent conduct and impartiality. These are the four means of embracing others. And he elaborated on these words in a verse. Some of these words may sound very familiar because they were, this teaching was embraced later on by our Soto Zen ancestor, Ehe Dogen. But first I'll share the verse that goes with the Buddha's teachings. Giving endearing speech, beneficent conduct, and impartiality under diverse world conditions as is suitable to fit each case.

[04:33]

These means of embracing others are like the linchpin of a rolling chariot." I really like that image of the linchpin of a rolling chariot and that these ways we can behave in our lives, giving endearing speech, beneficent conduct and impartiality can really connect us with others. So as I mentioned, A. He Dogen picked up on these teachings in a short essay he wrote called The Bodhisattvas, Four Methods of Guidance. also translated as the Bodhisattva's Four Methods of Social Relations. So I think embracing others and social relations, very connected. This is a teaching that Abbot Ed and Abbot David brought up during our Rohatsu Sashin in December.

[05:44]

So some people who participated in that may remember this teaching. But Dogen referred to these four qualities. He referred to them as giving, kind speech, very close to the Buddha's endearing speech, beneficial action, and the fourth, which the Buddha called impartiality, was expressed as identity action, And that can also be translated as cooperation or as harmonious activity. So I was curious about what kanji or how Dogen expressed this in Japanese. And I asked my friend, Paula Arai, who is a Buddhist scholar, if she could find the kanji that Dogen used.

[06:48]

And she did. And there were two particular kanji. The first one, doh, and it's not the same doh as doh that is the way. There are different kanji that are expressed as doh. This kanji means together. And the g, the second kanji means event or activity. together and event or activities. So together they have the sense of acting in sync or in tune with each other. And all of the translations, identity, action, cooperation and harmonious activity all convey this sense of this kanji. And in this context, harmonious activity, I'm going to that's the

[07:50]

translation that I resonate with the most, but also cooperation. They're based on the understanding that we are not separate beings. Our actions spring from a sense of our interconnectedness with one another and all beings sentient and insentient. So this really led me to Think about an article that I read recently in the New York Times Magazine titled The Social Life of Forests. Perhaps some of you saw it. The magazine had a beautiful cover that week with photographs of old growth trees, very tall trees, very awe-inspiring trees. And the article describes the work of a woman named Suzanne Simard who grew up in the old growth forest of British Columbia.

[08:52]

Her grandfather and her uncles were horse loggers. So they used very low impact methods to selectively harvest cedar, Douglas fir and white pine. And Suzanne as a child spent a lot of time in those forests and really loved the trees. And later she attended graduate school in forestry. And as she was studying forests, by that time, there were many forests that had been clear cut and then replanted. And when the loggers replaced the old growth forests with new plantings of trees, they spaced the trees very evenly and got rid of most of the underbrush, including other species of trees.

[09:57]

So they would be kind of very homogenous forests instead of these diverse old growth forests. And instead of thriving, the trees that were planted in this way were frequently more vulnerable to disease and climactic stress than trees in the old growth forests. And Suzanne Simard noticed that newly planted Douglas fir were more likely to get sick and dry whenever the trees that they normally grew next to, aspen, paper birch, and cottonwood trees were removed. So she did some research to find out what was happening, why these trees were getting sick and dying. And her research showed that all of these trees were intertwined and that they supported one another's survival. She saw that a forest behaves like a single organism.

[11:02]

And she learned that trees send signals to one another through subterranean networks of fungi. and that species are interdependent in her words like yin and yang. She also noticed there was a special role for the oldest, largest and most interconnected trees, which she called mother trees, as they nurture those around them. She saw that what one tree produces can feed inform or rejuvenate other trees. And her research was really initially really questioned by other foresters or ecologists, biologists, because it challenged Darwin's theory of survival. the survival of the fittest, which stresses competition more than cooperation, was being questioned because she really saw that it was cooperation that created the healthiest environment for these trees.

[12:19]

So I've been thinking about how our community is like a forest in the ways in which we come together as individuals. And as we live together, and I'm thinking here of our residential community, but how as we live together, our sensitivity to one another grows. We're able to support one another by our actions, as well as by our words. There are some very simple practices in the daily life at San Francisco Center that heightened heighten a sense of harmonious activity. And so I invite you, most of you listening to this talk, I think do not live at San Francisco Zen Center or at any Zen Center, but as you listen, I invite you to reflect on parallel experiences in your own lives, in your own families or friendship networks or at work.

[13:31]

So some of the things that I'm thinking about, we may even take for granted living at that center because we get so used to them. But one, you know, actually from the beginning of the day till the very end of the day, there are practices that connect us. So our day at our city center in the main building, 300, center, the Julia Morgan building, which is the building I live in, our day starts with someone ringing a wake up bell. That person starts in the basement in the Zendo and runs through the corridors of each of the three floors. A different resident does this every morning. And at night, another resident does what we call night watch. The night watch closes doors and windows, checks that lids are on compost buckets in the kitchen and the ovens are turned off, switches off lights, and gently rings a small bell in all the corridors to let us know we're safe for the night.

[14:46]

Although these are physical activities, they rely on the generosity of each resident who rings the wake up bell or serves as night watch. One evening recently when I ran into the night watch, she was cleaning the counters in the small kitchen and I thanked her for doing that job. She told me how much she enjoyed taking care of the community in this way. So there are many ways in which our actions seen or unseen contribute to the wellbeing of others and connect us through those actions. We also differ from trees in that we as humans can communicate with each other verbally. Excuse me. A kind speech is one of the components of harmonious activity.

[15:49]

And one of the tools we've been using at San Francisco Zen Center for a number of years heighten our awareness of how we communicate with one another is called Agreements for Multicultural Interactions. They're communication agreements and because we communicate with our bodies as well as with our words, they're called Agreements for Multicultural Interactions and they're borrowed from the East Bay Meditation Center in Oakland. These agreements are posted in our dining room and a couple of other spaces where normally, or I shouldn't say normally, but prior to COVID-19, we had classes in those spaces. And we refer to these communication agreements in classes and meetings.

[16:50]

And I wanna highlight three of those agreements, which I think really help connect us, although all the others are relevant. The first one is move up, move back. And it's the meaning of that or the way it's described is to encourage full participation by everyone who's present in a meeting or a group. And you can think about this in your workplace. How does this or in your family even take notice of who is speaking and who is not. If you tend to speak often, consider moving back and vice versa. So I earlier in my life, I was quite shy, but now I notice I have a tendency to jump in when I'm in a group or at a meeting.

[17:54]

And so I try to step back and let someone else be the first to speak or only speak once until other people have spoken more than once, until other people have spoken once. And if I'm leading a meeting, I also will try to invite those who haven't yet spoken to speak before I call on someone for a second time. And it's often the case that members of dominant groups speak up first. So if we are a member of a dominant group, and by that I mean white, male, heterosexual, those are, those are some of the, that those designations in a way give us more power in a situation and we may be more likely to speak up and other voices may not get heard.

[19:01]

So a second communication agreement that I think is really helpful is understanding the difference between intent and impact. And by that it's... that is described as trying to understand and acknowledge the impact of what we say, but also what we do. And if we deny the impact of something that we've said by focusing on our intention, that may be more and more destructive than the initial interaction. For example, if someone tells me that something I said hurt them and I said, oh, I didn't mean it. That wasn't what I intended. I'm actually negating their experience. And instead, I've learned to thank someone when they tell me that and try to apologize, really learned, have been learning.

[20:03]

It's not easy to apologize in a thorough way so that person really feels met. and to say without being defensive that I am sorry. And I think a heartfelt apology combined with an intention to learn from the interaction can go a long way. We have a practice of doing this at San Francisco Zen Center, sometimes in work meetings. And I'm always touched when someone speaks up Just in the last week, someone apologized one morning at work meeting for forgetting to ring the wake up bell when it was their turn. Another resident who had cooked breakfast apologized for burning the applesauce. That person did it in an email to the community.

[21:04]

And someone apologized for communicating in a way that had not been skillful. So when we can really acknowledge things that we have done or said that had an impact on others. It's a way of expressing this interconnectedness. So another way of using our ability to practice kind speech is in the way we deal with disagreements or conflict. Our community, once at a meeting of leaders from all three centers, City Center, Tassajara, and Green Gulch Farm, we have these meetings usually once a year.

[22:12]

We did a little survey of those who attended and asked people to describe Zen Center in three words. And then another resident and I did a word, I forget what it's called, but where you can easily tally how many times certain words have been used and then do a printout. So the words that are used the most come out much larger than the words that are used less. And one of the most used words that we use to describe our own community was conflict avoidant. Avoiding conflict is a way of coping with conflict, but it doesn't usually lead to resolution of the conflict. And so we've been paying more attention to how we communicate when we have disagreements or conflicts. And that includes learning how to give and receive feedback. how to have difficult conversations, when to ask for help from a third party, and practicing with the precepts regarding speech.

[23:24]

And all of this can help us to weather some of the storms of community life, misunderstandings, disagreements, ways we miss each other. I think that This applies to everyone, not only those of us in a residential practice community, that when we really are able to face and meet conflict or disagreements, it may bring us closer. So there's a book that I appreciate very much. by Larry Yang, who is a teacher, was on the teacher's council. I think he's retired from teaching now, but he was on the teacher's council at Spirit Rock, and he's one of the founders of the East Bay Meditation Center.

[24:26]

His book is called Awakening Together, the Spiritual Practice of Inclusivity and Community. One thing he talks about is the concept that when conflict arises, instead of breaking apart, he calls it, we can break together. I really appreciate this way of describing what can happen when we actually try to resolve a conflict that may be affecting us as a community. He writes, in the unconsciousness of our larger culture, when differences become strong, the predominant condition pattern is to fragment and scatter into our respective corners, spaces of comfort, familiarity and safety, quickly polarizing into adversarial stances.

[25:30]

However, the spiritual practice of community awareness is to instead ask, how do we stay in the room and in relationship with each other, regardless of what arises, rather than split apart? And he asked the question, what would it be like, even amid all the complexity, even in the face of injuries, even in the face of harm, to break together rather than break apart? Could we stay together even as we experience our differences and the hurts caused by them? What would it be like to hold our hearts open toward the injuries caused by our seeming adversaries as best we can? How do we stay in the room with each other, stay in relationship with each other, even when the unconscious reactive mind or even the conscious one wants things to be different from the way they are.

[26:34]

We may not have the skills yet, nor the awareness, nor even the kindness, but those can gradually come if we have the intention of not leaving the room and of not leaving the relationship. So those were Larry's words. And I think the long-term benefits are worth the struggle to open and understand one another across differences. So recently, and I think this applies to all kinds of groups and larger groups, way larger than a single community. So I wanna ask you if you can guess who recently said these words. Let us start afresh. Let us listen to one another, hear one another, see one another, show respect to one another.

[27:42]

I wonder who you think that was. Does it sound like Thich Nhat Hanh or the Dalai Lama? actually wasn't a Buddhist teacher. Those were the words of President Biden. Let us start afresh. Let us listen to one another, hear one another, see one another, show respect to one another. And it reminds me of the way Dogen ended the section on kind speech in the Bodhisattva's Four Methods of Guidance. He ended that section with the words, kind speech can turn the destiny of a nation. So as we reflect on the harmonious activity that supports forests, as well as our human lives, may we continue to develop the heart mind that supports us to stay connected with one another.

[28:53]

So I'm going to end my comments with a song. Some of you may know this. It was at one time sung by Pete Seeger, but it's not one of his better known songs. Step by step, the longest march can be done, can be done. Many stones can form an arch, singly none, singly none. And in union, what we will can be accomplished still. Drops of water turn a mill, singly none. So thank you for your attention.

[30:00]

I think we do our closing chant and then we'll have time for comments and questions. And the closing chant is in the chat. So please join me. We'll still be muted. May our intention equally... extend to every being and place with the true merit of Buddha's way. Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it.

[31:03]

Thank you so much, Tova. If there are questions and comments, please raise a hand and I'll be happy to unmute you. Terry. hi tova hi terry thank you so much wow i i took a lot of notes that's one thing i can do that i can't do when i'm sitting you know in the buddha hall and um and i was just so helpful so um i i really appreciate and uh uh especially stand up and stand back um What would you say when I'm in a group where the same, I'm not in charge of it, but the same people dominate and the person in charge, that seems okay with him.

[32:15]

Is there something I can do in that situation? I think so. Absolutely. There are two things you could do. one, as a member of the group, you could just comment on what you notice, you know, that a few of us are talking quite a bit and there are others who haven't, you know, we don't hear from. And I'm, you know, I'm really curious about what those other people have to say. The other thing you could do is if you know the leader of the group to talk to them, I would suggest doing it outside the group and share what you've noticed. And, um, You know, again, coming from what you've noticed that maybe how you feel about it, that, you know, you really feel maybe the whole group would benefit more from hearing from everybody. And it might be something that that leader isn't aware of. You could even share the communication agreements with the group. So those are some thoughts that...

[33:20]

Thank you. Yeah, I think I will do that. I will do definitely try to, I will definitely communicate with the leader about it. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Yeah, I think when we're in groups, whether we're leading them or not, we do notice patterns of communication. And I think developing the, you know, the sense of how to speak up in a situation like that, it gets easier with practice. Yeah. Thank you so much. Good evening, Tova.

[34:27]

Good evening, Nancy. Thank you for your talk. I'm wondering, I know that you've been working a lot with bringing feedback, receiving feedback and giving feedback as something that we're all engaging in more in our community. And I'm wondering what, how you, as someone who's senior in the community, how you personally invite feedback. I think it's, there's definitely a power up, power down often dynamic in feedback. And I've heard that it's very important for people in leadership roles especially and in the up power positions to invite feedback. And I just wonder what that sounds like and how you model that or how you do that yourself.

[35:36]

I'd say there are a few ways. One that you've probably heard me do, I do once a year at work circle because of my Jewish background, I'm aware of the period between the Jewish New Year and the Day of Atonement, it's called 10 Days Later, when Jews usually invite feedback, you know, please tell me if I have done anything in the past year that has hurt you or offended you, and I will ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't always come so easily, but I have asked that at Work Circle for the last several years and usually one or two people take me up on it and I've had some very healing conversations. It was one conversation with someone I didn't know was upset with me and it was so helpful to hear and to really let it sink in.

[36:47]

and see what we could do to repair, what I could do to repair that thing that had hurt this person. And it made a big difference in our relationship. I also have just, I have an agreement with my teacher that she can give me feedback about anything. And she also was open to my feedback to her. So I, been more aware of doing that when I meet with students to see if we can make an agreement that I can give them feedback and they can give me feedback. And I'm open to that. And usually they're open to it too, but it makes it easier to give feedback if someone has agreed to receive it, you know, and vice versa and to try and have it be reciprocal. And then I sometimes, if I think that I've done something that may have offended someone and they haven't said anything to me about it, I might ask them, you know, did that?

[38:03]

I noticed, you know, you kind of pulled away when I said this or that or did this or that. And I wonder how you felt about it. Was it hurtful? So that's another way of asking for feedback, just kind of really noticing people's responses to what I do or say. And then there have been a couple of times when, yeah, times when I know that I said something that was hurtful because I can, you know, someone might be avoiding me. And I really try to find a time to talk with that person and bridge the gap. It's very uncomfortable, I'm sure you know, to feel that somebody is upset with you and there's so many nonverbal ways of expressing it.

[39:05]

And when we live together in a community, it's painful. We have had some trainings in, I know the most recent one was through Right Use of Power and How to Give and Receive Feedback, but it's not easy. And there's a book called Thank You for the Feedback, which is all about receiving feedback. And if you think how hard it is, that the whole book has to be written about how to receive feedback. But I do think it's something, again, like that the more we... Practice it. I don't think it's ever really easy, but you can develop more comfort with it. And feedback can also be positive. It's not always around being heard. I do try to thank people and appreciate things that they do that are positive and make that a practice as much as I can every day.

[40:13]

So that's another kind of feedback that we don't always give, you know. It's so easy. That part is easy. Well, thank you, Tova. I appreciate all your work in the community in these ways. And someone said in a Dharma talk recently, maybe Kreeti Kanko, how important it is for leadership to be vulnerable. And I think this is actually being this open to receiving feedback is one way that we can do that in our community. Thank you, Tova. Thank you as a leader of the community for that as well. Let's see. Emily. hi emily good to see you it's good to see you too um i mostly just wanted to thank you i i've been thinking oh i'm watching this on my phone and i just got a low battery notification so um i've been thinking a lot lately about how much i'm missing the forms of the temple and how much i miss service and

[41:45]

all the various things that we get to enjoy by living residentially. And one of the things I actually realized I miss so much is that I have so many meetings in the song room and that I get to go to the dining room every day and see the list of our multicultural agreements. And I was just thinking about that earlier today and it was... so relieving to hear you mention them all throughout your talk. And it actually inspired me. I thought, okay, I'm writing this on my to-do list. I'm going to print them out and put them on my wall in my apartment because I just don't get to see them every day. And that's something that I can do to continue seeing them every day. So I just wanted to thank you. I really appreciated your talk and I felt really encouraged and inspired to do something from it. So thank you very much. Thank you for the feedback. You're welcome.

[42:49]

It was easy to give. Thank you. Yeah. I think we're at time. Thanks. Thanks everyone for being here tonight and may you feel your connections to those in your life, and may you all be well. Thank you for being here tonight. Thank you so much, Tova. Everyone should be able to unmute now, I think. We can see each other. Thank you, Tova. Thank you, Tova. Thank you, Tova. Good night.

[43:49]

Good night. Good night. Thank you, Tova. Thank you so much. Thank you for your talk, Tova. It was great to hear you. Thank you, Tova. You're welcome, Eli. Hi, Ida. I'm Fatima and Yuan.

[44:15]

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