This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I want to thank the tanto for the invitation to be here with all of you. Walking here... feeling the breeze, seeing the flowers, especially these, on the altar. I feel grateful to be alive on this date. And in the Buddhist cosmology, to be born into the realm of this human body, heart, and mind is a rare thing. So, that much more. Wonderful that we're alive.

[01:05]

So, how many are here for the first time? Welcome. Welcome to all of you. And this is something that we do at the end, often, of Saturday morning talks, but I'd like to do it now, which is to turn towards each other. and welcome each other here. So please indulge. Thank you. Thank you very much. Michael always comes through.

[02:12]

So, how is it for people? For some of you, was it weird, maybe the first timers, to think, why am I saying welcome? I don't live here. So, it's not my place, it's not my home. So why would I say that? And I can relate somewhat. Though I have these robes on, and I was ordained in 2005 right here in this room, I don't live here now. And though I have lived obviously with Zen Center, and in fact recently was here and just left in April, So what I want to point towards and talk about today is what your experience can be when you come here. It can be like a sense of coming home, not only to this place, but to yourself and to each other.

[03:31]

Now, being a priest, a quasi-senior person here, I am allowed to give zazen instruction. And how many here have been a zazen instruction? Or was here this morning? So many people who come here, especially for the first time, say to me, oh, this is like an oasis in the city. They come in the door. come either into this room, the zendo, or the courtyard, and think, ah, I've come home in some way. It's the settledness that's here that you can feel, the sense of belonging that you can get. In fact, I don't know if people are aware, but this building... was a home for Jewish young women, built 1921-22.

[04:38]

And this room was the parlor in which the guests were greeted and welcomed. So historically, this room has the right aura. And for many people in this room, they do live here. So they are welcoming you into their home. And in this mini practice period, the topic of study is the four Brahma Viharas. The four Brahma Viharas are emotional or mental states. that can be cultivated. In the language of Pali, Brahma means best, supreme, celestial.

[05:42]

These are the acknowledged translations. And Vihara stands for dwelling, abiding, home. So you could say these are the four qualities of the best dwelling, the supreme abiding, or the celestial home. And Sharon Salzberg puts it as the four qualities of our best home. And that in the cultivation of these states, we then really get to understand the sense of connection that we have, that we're belonging to a bigger picture of life. Kind of like a sense of gratefulness I had to be alive, connected to the wind, connected to the flowers, the tree.

[06:52]

So these four qualities she says, are the natural expression of the heart when you feel connected, when you don't feel alone and cut off. And these four qualities are metta in Pali or maitri in Sanskrit, which means loving-kindness or unconditional friendliness, karuna, which is compassion, medita, which is sympathetic joy, and upeka, which is equanimity, or the translation I prefer is balance of mind. Well, I think it's useful

[07:59]

to think of this as the four qualities to be cultivated, I also want to point out that these are four qualities we already have. And so it isn't, which is an essential point, right, in Mahayana Buddhism, this Zen Buddhism, is that we have these qualities already. And the cultivation is because we have to balance, even though we have it, it's not always easy to feel friendly or loving, compassionate, joyful, or balanced, right? So we do need to cultivate and we need to hold the knowledge, the sense that we already have it. It's not outside of us. It is us.

[09:02]

Maybe we need a little practice. Now, when I was doing the one month retreat at Spirit Rock, a teacher there named Marie Monshaft, who is a German teacher, talked about the four Brahma Viharas actually as like a house. So if you can imagine that the foundation is upekka, or equanimity, or balance of mind, and then the three pillars are loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and they hold up the roof that shelters us. I think that's a beautiful way to think of it. So, what does home mean exactly?

[10:10]

Probably for some of us, we're at times, all you want to do is get away from home. I think every teenager, that's what you want to do. I remember I ran away from home a couple times. So, while it can mean many things, I did want to bring in a few definitions. It's interesting, you know, on dictionary.com, I use it a lot, and often, you know, you get like a page of definition, but for home, it's like three or four pages. So I think it really gives a sense that it has a lot of importance to us. As an adjective, it means principle or remain. As an adverb, of course, there are many more. I'm just kind of popping out the ones I find interesting. As an adverb, it means deep or to the heart.

[11:15]

And then I find this really interesting. There are like four definitions of home in the nautical sense. I don't know anything about boats. This one I found really interesting. Nicely descriptive. Into the position desired. Perfectly or to the greatest possible extent. For example, sails, sheeted, home. I was on a catamaran when I was young. I think a catamaran had sails and they shoot back, you know, retract them. He's nodding, so my memory's correct. So these are some of the qualities that I'm trying to get across when I say home and how you can have that sense. And I have been saying when you come here, and I really do mean more of the sense that not only can you feel it here, but this place, one of its main intentions is to help you get a sense of that in yourself.

[12:27]

and then be able to carry it wherever you need to, or actually with you at all times, because you already have it, right? So Suzuki Roshi, in a 1968 talk, entitled, Correct Zazen Is Your Home, he said, Even though many of you are young enough... Tell me if I need to do something. Okay. Even though many of you are young enough to cope with, quote, the busy life, end quote, when you learn where you are and what you are doing, the difference will be great. Zazen, meditation for the beginner, one way you could think of it, can lead you to this... quote, position, this, quote, home.

[13:31]

Correct zazen is your home. It is where you came from and where you will go when you die. When you have a home and know where your home is, your problems have a place to go. And then they are not problems anymore. The only problem is when your problems have no place to go. That is why we suffer. We come out from Buddha and we go back to Buddha nature. Your life is not so long actually. It's very important for us to know where we are and in what direction we are exerting effort. To know our position, we must be at one with the whole universe. So reading this, I see two tools you give us for how we can know this position, this sense of hope.

[14:40]

And that is where you are and what you are doing. Do you know where you are and what you are doing all times. Probably not. I know I don't. Usually, we're where we used to be, or where we think we can be, past or future. Present is not so easy. what we're doing is really difficult. You know, you're watching TV and eating dinner. Next thing you know, dinner is gone, and you're like, what did I eat? In fact, this morning, I think it's a balance of knowing both of those as much as possible.

[15:50]

And I think we can also kind of fall to one or the other. And I'm not saying this is bad, right? We're just being aware of it. So this morning, I was doing my kickboxing exercises. And I was doing a, how does it go? Hook, uppercut, sidekick. And I realized I was feeling unstable. And I have, I live in a studio, which is, About a quarter of this room is that big. And I have three tatami mats. I used to practice tea. So three tatami mats. So, of course, they don't cover the whole space. So there's an edge, right? But I was standing on the edge because it's a studio. So it's a small space. So I'm standing doing my hook, uppercut, side kick. And I realized I was feeling unstable because of this lack of space. I was, like, this far from the edge of my tatami mat. where it was the carpet.

[16:51]

I mean, I wouldn't fall that far, but still. And then I was like, oh, I could just turn around and face the other way, and I won't have that feeling. So I was so focused on what I was doing, I wasn't aware of where I was, or when I became aware of where I was, then I could correct that sense of imbalance. So I'm hoping that gives you a sense of what I mean about being able to know where we are and what we're doing. At all time would be lovely, but as much as possible is what we're going for. So here we practice how to be present. And in the Soto Zen tradition, We do that through zazen, of course. We do that by first pausing.

[17:59]

We sit down, right? We stop running from our life, backwards or forward, right? Then we observe. Where are we and what are we doing? Zazen instruction is very much about where is this body and what is it doing? Is it leaning forward? Is it leaning back, left, right? Is your mudra sagging? Which also means your mind might be kind of sagging, right? And then we also learn how to experience truly what is happening right now.

[19:01]

Hearing the birds as just hearing the birds, not the story of the bird, or the story of who you are in relation to the bird is probably more correct. What is the quality of silence? And, again, the focus of Soto Zen is how can you bring Zazen into your everyday life? Of the Zafu, right? And we do that by these forms and rituals that seem to be so much, and at times, perhaps intimidating about Zen. You know, we are having this discussion here about what Zazen instruction can be.

[20:18]

How many here have been to, well, the old one, right? You're taken downstairs, You're shown some of the forms, what the sound of the Han means, how to put your hand in dasho, how to hold your hand in shashu, you enter the zendo, how you bow to the seat, how you get on and off the seat. And then you come up here and there's more of the body instruction on zazen. But then it was decided that Perhaps, or this is my understanding, I was not there for the official discussion, but my understanding it was thought that the other part, you know, was just too distracting to perhaps the schedule of the building because the Zazen at 925 needs to come in. And also just, you know, you have 40 people and they got to take their shoes off and it takes a long time for them to get inside.

[21:22]

And so this is this rush sense. So then I decided I would try without that. And I know that a lot of people that I know, I know, are like, shucks. In fact, you know, I had a friend who had come two years ago and got that kind of instruction, and then she wanted to come back, but she was really intimidated by the forms. And so she thought, oh, I'll go to Zazen instruction again. And she happened to arrive on the day that we made the change. And afterwards she's like, I'm not coming back because what I came for didn't happen and I'm still intimidated. And it was hard for her to let it go. And it took a lot of personal encouragement on my part for her to get past that.

[22:22]

So, I want to share that the forms can seem intimidating. These dark robes can seem intimidating. But a lot of the purpose of them is to help us bring awareness to where you are and what are you doing. If you're aware that your thumb is inside your palm and it's right here in your hara, not like flopping and you're not sure what it's doing, right? Of course, you know, a lot of Zen has practical application. Priests have long sleeves, so if we hold our hands like this,

[23:27]

Sleeves aren't dragging on the floor. They're less likely to drag on the floor or get dirty. So what seemingly is perhaps useless, overdone rituals are actually activities to help us be aware of where we are and what are we doing. And how do we bring that to our meeting of things and beings? Right? In Zen, you know, Mel Wiseman, who used to be co-abbot here and is the abbot of Berkeley Zen Center, he talks about

[24:33]

and I can relate to this, how, you know, when he steps up to the altar, for a while, he noticed he was always adjusting things, because, you know, like that incensor? You see how it has three legs? In the front, there's one leg. It's wrong if in the front is where two legs are. So the correct position... of that incensor is that the two legs go in the back and the one leg go in front. Perfectly in the front. And you could think, well that's too much. But it isn't, you know, I say correct in the sense of this is what has been decided as a means in which

[25:33]

we can be aware of how things are. The one foot goes in the front. And every time that, in this case, a priest comes up to the altar, it is the relation between the priest and the object. For instance, I could, when it's, and this is a real practice for me that I'm sharing, you know, if I see that it's off, am I aware that I am adjusting it? Or do I just automatically go, that's wrong, so I'm going to adjust it. And then, am I aware of my mental relation to it? For instance, judgment, right?

[26:34]

Is wrong. Or is it just that this is the agreed upon position and I am making the adjustment? I don't need to say, who was the cheating? Doesn't he or she know what she's doing? Which is honestly, most of the time, what I think. You know, when I was Shuso, I got to do a lot of ceremonies. And I was, you know, one of the few priests in the evening. So, no, I don't want to put it that way. There was a period in which on the night that I was, that's called the doshi, right? The priest that does the ritual for the X period of The other thing about the incenser is the ash that's inside is smooth.

[27:43]

And it has to have a certain quality of tightness, but not too tight, so that when an incense goes in, without effort, when it slides in, but then it stays upright. If it's too soft, then it sags. If it's too hard, then, you know, Doshi is going like this. And, you know, when you're nervous, when you're hands shaking, like earlier, if it's a certain quality, it makes it easier for me. Right? I do want to say that, you know, Kosho, this priest that's now in Austin, right, Austin, he once gave a talk where he says, you know, nervousness is also excitement and i so appreciate that because you know in the beginning of things i used to practice tea imagine my hand shaking because i'm excited i love tea you know and i love ceremonies but i'm just excited so my hand shakes so what we also

[29:01]

in how we relate to objects and things, then we can transfer to how we relate to other people or other beings, really. And again, it doesn't make us bad or wrong, but then we just become aware that that's a mental state That is our tendency. The classic Buddhist way to kind of a big sense of that is, and I heard this from Jack Kornfield, is that the three main poisons, right, is hate, greed, and delusion. And so, Our mental states tend to fall. We're talking about broadly now into those three categories.

[30:07]

So a way in which you can have a sense of what is your tendency is like this exercise, right? So you're gonna go to a party, and you come to the door, and you're looking inside. What kind of thoughts do you tend to have? So don't yell it out loud. Another few thoughts. Now, if your thoughts tend to be something like, wow, it's so lovely. The flower arrangement is so nice. The food looks so good. I want to try that one. Oh, that person looks so great. I want to go talk to her and him. And I want to talk to everybody. I got to try to talk to everybody. eat everything, try everything, then probably, some of you already know, I don't even have to say, right?

[31:09]

Your tendency of your mental state is towards greed. More and more and more. Now, again, we have all three, right? So it's not that it's bad. It's just awareness. If you come to the door, And you look in, and you tend to say, it's too hot. That food looks like the same food I see at every party. Who are these people? So I don't know if I want to talk to him. His outfit is not so good. And who would I be standing next to that person then, right? So then probably, Your habitual mental states are towards aversion. That's the other, right? Of hate is aversion. And then if you come to the door and you go, I don't know why I'm here.

[32:15]

Who are these people anyway? And what time is it? Is this the right time? Do you know then your tendency is confusion and ignorance, right? Which is the other word for it. delusion so again it's if we have the awareness then we could I could go where I'm aware that my I'm the aversion type by the way I'm confessing to the whole public here so then I'm aware that I might have I have the tendency even say might I have the tendency in which I will find fault first or very quickly in any they don't have to be bad fault I could I would be like you know oh well that's a nice shirt but those pants so then my like then my practice could be I will go talk to that person because really I'm not that shallow but the this is a mental state I have and so if I'm aware of it then instead of just brushing that person off and not giving them any chance

[33:30]

to know me or me to know them. You understand? This is for tools for us to work with, not for us to judge ourselves or other people. So, when you learn where you are and what you are doing, the difference will be great. Zazen, can lead you through this position, this home. Correct, Zazen, is your home. Actually, I think I want to say a little more about what he said. It is where you came from and where you will go when you die. When you have a home and know where your home is, your problems have a place to go.

[34:35]

And then there are no problems anymore. The only problem is when your problems have no place to go, and that is why we suffer. We come out from Buddha and we go back to Buddha nature. So I also will confess that I wanted to talk a little bit more about how we meet things like oreochi, which for many people seem, you know what oreochi is? It's the formal eating that we have here. And for many people, it's a torturous event. But really, it's an opportunity to know how to meet things like the incenser. and then bring that into how we meet other people. And Jane Hirschfield will also practice with us.

[35:36]

I think she spent about three years at Tassajara also. She still does retreats there. She has this poem. Only when I am quiet and do not speak. Sounds like Zazen. Only when I am quiet for a long time and do not speak Do the objects of my life draw near? Shy, the scissors and spoons, the blue mug. Hesitant, even the towels. For all the intimate knowledge and the scent of fresh bleach. How steady their regard as they ponder Dreaming and waking, the entrancements of my daily wandering and tasks. Drunk on the honey of feelings, the honey of purpose, they seem to be thinking, a quiet judgment that glistens between the glass doorknobs.

[36:49]

Yet theirs is not the false reserve of a scarcely concealed ill will, nor that other active shying of pelted rocks. No, not that. For I hear the sigh of happiness each object gives off. If I glimpse for even an instant the actual instant as if they believed it possible, I might join their circle of simple passionate bestness. The hidden rituals of luck and solitude, the joyous gap in them where appears in us the pronoun I. So we pause, we observe, and we truly experience and are with

[37:57]

objects and people of our lives, which mean we're not separate from them, then in us there is the I. The I that is the feeling of coming home. And I wish for you that feeling. Thank you very much. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[38:53]

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