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Summer intensive

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In short stuff, in the short way, is that grabbing onto the illusion of the belief in a separation of self and other is what exactly is our lack of faith, it is our lack of faith. So how does that work specifically? How does it really work specifically? Well, what we need to do is really be very clear about what it is, the way the mind works that brings us the delusion in our daily life, I'm not even talking about the text. And I'll give you an example. The other day we had a theft in the building, in the kitchen, in the building, in the kitchen, in the building of the kitchen, and for the first thing I thought was that it was an in-house


heist, I didn't feel very good about it either. And there is no proof at all, none, am I still happening here? There was no proof at all, but the first thing I did was I was quite sure that it was somebody who lived in the house. And then the second thing that I, the second concept, the second idea that I had, and I want you guys to pay attention to, really try to figure out what a concept is. It took me really a long time, I mean, you'd think that I would know this from English, you know, but actually as it comes up in your life it's so close to us that we kind of miss that what we're doing all the time is making concepts about everything all the time. So I had another idea, and the idea I had was that I happened, in case anybody wants to know, I know who the thief is, and I was sure that that was the case.


And for about, I'd say, about almost about, I think it was almost like almost a day, I think there was a night in between there and then we had, then the next day came, I think that, I think it was almost a day. And I was really looking forward to the meeting we were going to have because I was going to watch this person really carefully, knowing as I did that he was a thief, or she was a thief. Well, thank God that I have this practice to rely on and that I don't have to be such an embarrassment to myself, you know, because as soon as the person, as soon as I actually saw the person, my grabbing on to these two ideas that I had crumbled in the face of an


actual human being. And inside myself I apologized because I was creating this person into something. Now, I don't know if I wasn't true, I mean, if I wasn't right, but the point is, it's not so much whether we're right or not, and eventually maybe, you know, maybe it is such and such and so and so. And even then, well, let's just, that's a little bit more complicated, but my point that I'm making is that, well, it's not that complicated, we can go there too, okay? But the point that I'm trying to make is that we do this all the time. We have an idea about someone, whether it's a friend or someone we have difficulty with, we do it all the time with ideas about being right or not right, about who I am and who somebody else is, and without even bothering to consider that it's a thought, it's a concept,


we think it's a reality. And because we think it's a reality, we zip on over to the nidanas, I didn't put the nidanas up here today, but let's remember the nidanas, which, I looked up the word, it's a great... the word nidana, remember that nidanas are the twelvefold chain, the wheel of samsara, what we're bound to, as soon as we ignore the truth, remember ignorance was at the bottom of the thing, as soon as we ignore that we're not separate from anything and that these ideas that we have are just words being liberated of themselves, like Dogen says, as soon as we forget that and we buy into the truth of whatever our particular color that we paint the day and everybody in it with, as soon as we forget it, we are bound on the wheel of these nidanas, which actually is translated to mean, cause of the disease, that's what


nidana means, it means cause of the disease, cause of disease, isn't that great? It also means bound, I guess that's where they get bound to the wheel. And remember I said that the way traditionally it's said that you could cut, you could take yourself off the wheel is by removing your little sticky fingers, sticky mind on everything, just don't, you know, wasn't there a joke somewhere around where this little guy was kind of walking around, it was like a magnet and he squished up against the wall, you know that wasn't a joke somewhere? I just had that image, anyway, that's what we do, you know, we're walking around and we see something and we immediately glom onto it as the truth, we impute substance where there is none, we give it a reality where it doesn't have one, and we do it primarily


about these sweet little skandhas over here that I talked about yesterday. I hope that some of you are taking that up as an investigation and then see if you can find the skandhas and see how they're actually flowing along very contentedly all by themselves. All we have to do is let them, they're very content, we are content, we meaning the body, the sensations, the perceptions, the mental formations, the consciousness, all very content. If we just let it go, being on the page with how things are happening, but no, we have this need to grab on and as soon as we grab on, we are out of sync with the flow of stuff. It would be very good if we could consider self as a verb instead of a noun, because it is. These things, like it says in the Visuddhimagga, it has a little phrase that I repeat sometimes,


it says that the constituent parts alone roll on, that's what we are, we're a bunch of constituent parts that's happening all by themselves, they're very good at it, and they'll keep on doing it until we die, until they run out of steam. What? Good question. Yeah. So the rolling along of the skandhas aren't in themselves, it's our awakening. That is our awakening, just let them along, let them go. Okay. Emergency! Emergency! Emergency! I want to know if Kathleen wants to sit in the chair she was in yesterday. Kathleen, do you want to sit in the chair you were in yesterday? Yes, she does. Thank you.


Thank you. What was this? What was this? That was another kind of shell thing. Okay. So, that's how we work with concepts in every way, all of the concepts, and I suggested that for these three weeks, radical, radical practice, why not, just for three weeks, try it, no matter what concept arises, no matter what. First find the concepts. I'm telling you, it's not so easy, or maybe, I don't know, for other people it would be easy, but for me it was really, I was looking around, looking around, I couldn't find one. Anyway, if you find, yes?


So, I understand what you're saying, the sense of self is one of the components, but its nature is such that there's a perception that there is a center for all of these components and that leads to behavior commensurate with that perception, like grasping and self-centeredness and all that blah, blah, blah. This is exactly what Vasubandhu is going to tell us, how that happens. There is a sense of self and separation, there's nothing wrong with it, it's okay, that we buy into it that that is the only reality, that's the problem. In other words, he describes it as the sense of self and other is an illusion. It's an illusion, it's okay though, it helps us in many ways. The delusion, the thing that gets us in trouble is that we think that that is the truth, that there is a me over here and a something else over there, and then we're going to relate


to that something else, almost always as if it's a threat. Yes? Oh, I didn't finish, did I finish the sentence? Let me finish the sentence. The sentence of the radical practice is, if you want to do this, now first you have to really be settled. If you're not really, and you know this of yourself, let's not leap ahead, because if we leap ahead, forget it, it's a big waste of time. The first thing is you have to be present, you have to train your mind so that it habitually stays present rather than habitually, you know, going off one place or another or into some kind of distraction or, you know, over to some kind of, you know, whatever it is. So the first, our first line of, you know, line of, our first thing to do is to be present.


Most important thing. Try to be present with continuity, try to develop continuity. It says in the Hokyo Zomai, if you develop continuity, this is the host within the host, develop continuity, that's what we're trying to do. Take your mind of Zazen, the mind that is present in Zazen, just plain old present there, sitting there in Zazen, and move that into the rest of your life. That's first. And then see if you can settle that mind. I should have brought you the koan about the one who isn't busy. Maybe I'll bring that tomorrow if I remember. You know, there's that famous koan about, oh, never mind, I can tell you. You know, he pulls up a broom and he says, which broom is this? The teacher says, how come you're so busy? He says, you should know that there's one who's never busy, who's not busy. And then the teacher says, well, then there's two moons. And then the guy pulls up the broom and says, which moon is this?


So the idea that always, in whatever activity we have, there's always clear awareness. There's always a settled awareness that's non-dual, that isn't busy, that's not making judgments, that is us, that is who we are. So once you're present, then settle. Settle down to watching the process of mind rather than being caught by the content of mind. Then, once you do that, take a peek at the skandhas. Take a peek at studying separation. Notice all the time when you feel separate. How does that feel? Notice when you're contracted. Does that have anything to do with a concept? Are you calling somebody names, yourself or somebody else? Is it painful? Yes, it is. When you suffer, the mind is caught, always.


If you're suffering, your mind is caught somewhere on some kind of concept. And then, of course, just watch holding to any one of these above things that are flowing along. So that's how to work with these concept things. Once you're settled and you're resting in awareness rather than the content of mind, then when you're buying into a concept, when you're doing conceptual holding, just like what happened with the example that I gave you, remove your belief in that concept. Just take it back. So, if we just do that for three weeks, that would be really stupendous.


Well, you know, when you feel separate, that's what will happen to your body. Your body will go just... Even a subtle sort of averting is enough. But you should notice that all the time. Whenever you notice something, whenever you avert, whenever you create self and other, there's an averting there. It's painful. And most of the time, that's what we're doing. We're avoiding relationship almost most of the time. Habitually. I'd rather be alone. And then, of course, we're miserable, right? You don't have to be miserable alone. We're not miserable alone when you're perfectly okay being with yourself. Then you have company. What? Dependent co-arising.


So, I'm still talking about Zazen. I'll read you something from Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. Beyond... Beyond something. Beyond consciousness. The fascicle beyond consciousness in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. We should establish our practice where there is no practice or enlightenment. Our true nature is beyond our conscious experience. Actually, good and bad is not the point. Whether or not you make yourself peaceful is the point. And whether or not you stick to it. I used to have that written in my house, all over the place. Forget everything. The best way to find perfect composure is not to retain any idea of things, whatever they may be.


To forget all about them and not to leave any trace or shadow of thinking. This is radical. This is a quote. I have to stop my mind in my practice, but I can't. My practice is not good. This kind of idea is also the wrong way of practice. Do not try to stop your mind, but leave everything as it is. Then things will not stay in your mind so long. Things will come as they come and go as they go. Then eventually your clear, empty mind will last a fairly long time. So, to have a firm conviction in the original emptiness of your mind is the most important thing in practice. Actually, emptiness of mind is not even a state of mind, but the original essence of mind which Buddha experienced. Quote, essence of mind, original mind,


original face, Buddha nature, emptiness, all these words mean absolute calmness of mind. To realize pure mind in your delusion is practice. To have delusion is practice. This is to attain enlightenment before you realize it. Isn't it great? Even though you do not realize it, you have it. So when you say, quote, this is delusion, unquote, that is actually enlightenment itself. If you try to expel the delusion, it will only persist the more and your mind will become busier and busier trying to cope with it. That's not so good. Just say, oh, this is just delusion and do not be bothered by it. When you just observe the delusion, you have your true mind, your calm, peaceful mind. When you start to cope with it, you'll be involved in delusion. The best way to develop Buddhism


is to sit in zazen, just to sit with a firm conviction in our true nature. This way is much better than to read books or to study the philosophy of Buddhism. Of course, it's necessary to study the philosophy. It will strengthen your conviction. Buddhist philosophy is so universal and logical that it is not just the philosophy of Buddhism but of life itself. The purpose of Buddhist teaching is to point to life itself existing beyond consciousness in our pure original mind. Philosophical discussion will not be the best way to understand Buddhism. If you want to be a sincere Buddhist, the best way is to sit. We are very fortunate to have a place to sit in this way. I want you to have a firm, wide, imperturbable conviction in your zazen of just sitting. Just to sit, that is enough.


Questions so far? Okay. So, what? Yes. Joseph. Oh, okay. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, that's what it is. But I'm not going to go... Okay, yes. Yeah. Sorry, I was clearing my throat. Okay.


Okay, this is not soul. We're not talking about soul. We're talking big self, small self. Big self is true nature. Today we are going to understand everything and... I'm sure. I want to say again what the most important thing is because we are studying this and I know that it's not easy material but it's fine that it's not easy material and the reason why it's fine is because what we're studying is not really the material. What we're studying is what comes up in us and how to deal with that. Knowing fundamentally that the us that we think needs to either understand this or doesn't think it's worth understanding or does understand it and feels really good about it and better than other people who don't understand it and so on and so forth. That is the one we are studying


and that one is dependently charism. There isn't a one there. It's a bunch of conditions coming together and flowing on. And every time we grab any part of it like I do understand it instead of there's just understanding happening for the moment here in this location we cut the whole flow into pieces and it dies. And the way it dies is it solidifies the sense of me and although maybe we think that that is a birth in some way it's a birth of misery. It's the birth of a kind of solidity that doesn't actually really serve us in our life. So before we actually get to the material I just want to go back to the practice. Over here on this side I'm going to read it to you. A couple of people came up to me after class


I think this morning and explained actually how it happens physically in the brain and funny it is the same as these yogis thousands of years ago discovered on their own that science now is confirming what these yogis a long time ago through their meditation actually realized. And that's a happiness I think because it underpins and confirms the suggested practice which we'll get to through this. So here we go, I'm going to read it to you. Can everybody see? It says, IMS bird 50% me. It's a reminder to tell you a story. Alright, so the way the brain works


and if I get it wrong you could clarify it again. The way the brain works is the brain has a memory a memory is a pathway, a neural pathway a neural pathway is in the brain. And now it just turns out that the information that we get over these pathways of a new experience, it goes over the same pathway as the old experience. So right there it's really interesting. Right there you can see that whatever we think is new coming in actually is stuck with all of the experiences that happen for that neural pathway the first time it got built. Do you understand that? Is that clear? You have to nod or something otherwise. Okay, then we'll go on to number two. Well, you know, originally it's when you're a little baby and then you come into the world and mommy says hello. Number two, memories are formed


by similar neural patterns and the more they're used the stronger they get. We usually use the word rut. You know, you can think of it as a rut. More times you do whatever the particular behavior is the stronger that behavior pattern gets. Yeah? Yes, definitely. Definitely, definitely. Now, let's just say one of the patterns Let's just say one of the patterns Let's just say one of the patterns that you do over and over again that's really strong Oh, right there. Can you tell me if I'm doing this right? Right, okay. It's the same.


That's the amazing thing. It's the same in Buddhism. Now, this part of it I really find really interesting. This has everything to do with the practice. Let's think of these neural pathways as energy. Let's think of it as energy. If you have a thought, for example, that says I am blah, blah, blah, whatever it is or that so-and-so or any thought especially the thought of me which is the most insidious and the deepest one in there every time you have that thought whenever you give it a reality whenever you think that you and somebody else is different and separate you grab onto that and you confirm that energetic energy. In the same way if you suppress let's say you're practicing no-self


and a thought of self comes up and you suppress it No, that's okay. I'm always happy to see you. ... [...] This stuff is actually fun. I wish I had a pointer.


Now I just need a pointer and everything will be perfect. Now, if you practice by saying you're going to be practicing no-self or let's say no-concepts and you go, no I blah, blah, blah, whatever it is and you hear in your mind a thought of self you don't want to push it away and suppress it or if your mother or somebody comes into the room and you have a thought or a feeling of anger or disappointment you don't want to deny that you don't want to push that down because then what happens is that freezes the flow, the natural flow of the mental event it freezes it and it gets stuck somewhere in the body and that's why you see when people get older and they don't keep on the same page where their life is, their bodies are kind of hard and rigid


it's what happens, it's kind of a sad thing So, our practice again is not to grasp and not to suppress over and over again we're told the same thing and we're being told that this time just through how the brain actually is working therefore we must meditate there is no other way you have to sit there and let the process happen don't buy into it because you just give it energy and don't suppress it because it won't go away it's like the example was like a tube with water pressure or something going through it and it has a little hole in it if you don't let out some of the pressure actually, I guess I didn't understand the example but the end of it is that if you suppress it, it explodes and isn't that what happens? We work in the kitchen and we have these little irritations


and we think, oh, you know, no problem I'm not really irritated, I'm just irritated a little bit but I can let go of it, right? I can let go of it, and then it happens again and again and again before you know it you turn to the person and you say, get the fuck out of my space. Why? Not because they did the same exact thing they did before but it's because you didn't deal with it when it was flowing last time you just turned away really important. So, what is the meditation? First of all, you have to settle you must be present. If you're not present yet then that's what you work on, don't listen to anything else just work on settling and then after you're settled and you can be kind of stable then relax the body and just watch in wonder without knowing anything and then stuff will happen you'll have thoughts, there'll be sensations


there'll be perception, there'll be emotion, energy will come up and so on and so forth you sit there, you don't buy into it and you don't push it away, and in doing that the awareness, that's it just being aware of the process somehow or another releases that amount of energy that amount of karma is used up and your wound whatever level of wound it is, is healed that's how it happens, that's the process we have to walk through all of the old karma well, you know, there is a conventional we have to say you, okay, there is a conventional us and we're different, I'm here, you're over there and I can say that, and I make vows and I vow to sit that way but this big me


is exactly this also just bigger yes physical entities yes well, this old yes till it's it changes, Josh yes


wow yes good, that's great that's really good our reality is a construction this right here, this little thing our reality is a construction is exactly what Vasubandhu is going to be telling us exactly that what we think is out there in real is just a metaphor it's a label that we put on characteristics and then we connect the dots and think that it's real solid and


yes that's right, and let's bring it a little bit more closer to home and how we deal with the Sangha, our friends and fellow travelers this is the part that is so important because we don't just do it to the stars up above we do it to the stars down below but except that we call them thief, for example or we say, I am whatever that's what we have to watch out for does everybody understand that we must meditate?


I have a question I mean, just in the history of Buddhism there are some lay enlightenment people, right? that didn't meditate, right? how am I supposed to know? I don't know but you know something, there are also in the world, people get gifts of awakenings little Kensho experiences and so and so forth that's just the beginning and some people call that enlightenment but that's not what we're talking about you know when the self actually withers then we relate differently in the world when the self withers we don't relate differently in the world when we've had you know, an experience of oneness that's not enough it's just, it begins at that point you said that going through the pathway is, I'm not really clear


clearing that karma? that's how I put it is thought creating karma? yeah, also there, no no, also, yeah well, literally karma is volitional action but the way you're using the word, I can say it yes now, this is an interesting, point four is an interesting one the more radical your change of behavior the faster those pathways dissipate so, for example if we've always habitually related a certain way with a person it's really good to stop relating that way to that person if that's causing us or the other person some difficulty but an even better thing to do, of course we probably can't is actually turn toward the person with some amount of open-heartedness that would change the pattern even quicker


which is why we have all of these compassion practices in Buddhism exchanging self and other patience, loving kindness, sympathetic joy sympathetic joy number five is, what's there is pure oh, this is the nice part after, you know, not even after, it's there anyway what is underneath all of this conceptuality, which is useful we're not saying it's bad, it's useful but what's underneath it is this original non-conceptual, bright, clear open-hearted, joyous awareness it's there, it's all us we just have to, like, uncover it and the way this morning it was explained is awareness does not depend on concepts it is dependently co-arisen, but not on concepts


so all of what we're dealing with now is we're concentrating on finding conceptuality in our own life everywhere it comes up, and I hope you guys are doing this and not grabbing onto it and not suppressing it now, I do know that we are in the fourth day I believe this is the fourth day of the intensive and we are intensifying a little bit so I would like to suggest now that we make sure that we keep our container carefully a way to do that, just to remind you, is if you cannot talk after zazen in the evening through until lunch and work period that's helpful another thing is to pay attention to details pay attention to the forms


they help us be present and they give us something to attend to while our mind is, you know, doing whatever it's going to be doing and in the kitchen the forms are chopping the carrots, chopping the zucchini making sure you turn off the light if you take a pot off the stove putting away and washing your knife carefully, don't leave it in the sink washing your hands after you come back from the bathroom and so on these are the forms of the kitchen and do them very carefully, they will help in the zendo try not to bang your knees on the floor when you kneel when we do bows when you handle your zabuton and cushion don't bang it around, you know, place it puff up the cushion when the people are coming in with the meal board towels know that they're coming in, especially the people in the front you know, the first one when you come in with the meal board towels, don't bow


you just, when you get there, you just begin doing it and the person at the end, Elizabeth, the person at the end you have to make sure that you get your oreoki up before they start wiping and it's like a wave Blanche really likes this, so we'll do the wave okay? so, does everybody know the wave? do you know what the wave is? we're going to do the wave could you raise your hand and then put them down? okay, now obviously we need to practice the wave with you alright, you got this table


you can't do the wave because then the wave goes across the room like that but we're going to go around the back of the table and then to the back of the room and then to the middle ready, set, go good good okay alright, so, now let's get back here to business now, I'm going to review this again and hopefully you'll understand it like that and if you don't, that's okay because today is the last day we're going to do this we're going to start with other things but I think by this time you should kind of get it the blue represents the template the blue is the template you have an organ, it's sensitive


it's a receptor, it receives things there are a whole bunch of tons of things in the world that are sending stuff and I'm sure like dogs and flies and bats and so on they're receiving their stuff and we're not getting it we're only getting the receptors that we get and we think that the world is the way we think it is it's such a small idea, you know no, but these are the ones we have so, these are the ones that we pay attention to and they get touched by the universe the universe comes in the sun, you know, says hello every morning so, we have an organ and a field that makes contact and up comes consciousness that's the template okay, now in the world of physicality we have an organ, let's say the ear my favorite


we have the field energy, vibrating energy and we have up comes sense or body consciousness now, doesn't everybody understand that now? yes a number of states, a number of what's the number, five? no, yeah, that's mental this is physical body event no, there is one other organ it's a mental organ, okay but then we go over to mind, okay did I say that yesterday, did we get that? oh, not with me oh, we're not there yet let's just make sure let's just make sure we get this, okay


so, organ, field and up comes sense consciousness in the material world can we go on now to another one? can you say the difference between mind and brain? you mean awareness? you mean consciousness and brain? well, consciousness, we don't know what consciousness actually is but we know that it has something to do with the brain there's nothing on how we get to be aware but it's there we're having a semantic problem here that's not that important, okay but we'll get to it in a minute, okay anyway, you have this part, I'm going to erase it okay, that's over okay, now the just past sense event the consciousness that arose right over here


is this all right? I'll show you how it's just passed yeah, the discrimination happens we're not there yet, we'll get there how passed? well, I don't know, it's just the smallest teeny-weeny I don't understand why we're caught here


I don't understand, so I'm going to ignore this let's try to get to this because I kind of would like to get through this to the actual text if we can, okay so, let's pretend this is a story if it's helpful to you, use it if it's not helpful to you, forget it this is not the most important thing the most important thing is up here it's not me, it's a construction and how to practice with it this is just a story, a good story but you don't need this you just need to do the practice all right, we have a... sense consciousness arises and that sense consciousness performs a function does a function, performs, that's the word performs a function that's what happens


this just-passed sense consciousness performs a function it acts like an organ it receives, it looks around it receives it even chooses it reflects, it selects and what does it select from? well, it selects from its field and its field turns out to be concepts and when the concept and this organ connect it's like this organ goes around and looks for its best guess of what's out there so, for example when that comes together and it finds it then it knows it and that's called mental consciousness it's a mental event


it's all in the mind it all takes place in the mind can you say construct? yeah, construct, mental construct? well, is consciousness a construction? I don't know, is consciousness a construction? yes, we can we have two experts that tell us yes, we can say construction okay, so so, clearly once it becomes a mental activity we're really not in touch with whatever it was that set off our little our little perception thing in the first place so, let's say we have a flower and that image goes through the eye organ and it comes into the brain and again and again, we don't see in the eye it goes all the way back past this relay point


I just learned about this morning down to here where it turns out to be, from our point of view, upside down but I was also told this morning that who knows if it's upside down, it might be perfect exactly that way so, it goes to here and this is the image, mental image then this mental image looks around to these concepts this, by the way, is a flower but it doesn't know that yet there is flower in here and there is also grass and tree bush sky yes, sky cow flower, weeds what else? stick sticks


zen and it kind of sifts these out and it doesn't even say yet that it's a dahlia maybe if there is a dahlia, maybe it does maybe it sees dahlia right away but anyway, out of all of these, it grabs one and out of this it's best guess it's closest guess then we actually know it and in the knowing of it what I understand is all over the mind I think there is knowing here what was that called? reticular activating system but the neurons all over the brain make for awareness is that right? all over the brain and we get to have a mental consciousness


this is a miracle it's a wonderful thing however, now here is the sad part this root the way it got in there in the first place we had some experience before that told us we had some experience with a flower, it could have been nice it could have been within a relationship it could have been that that relationship is now defunct and we had a lot of pain so I'm sorry to say that the flower doesn't come all by itself it comes with all the experience that we had creating this root in the first place despair, loneliness whatever came with it when we see this new flower, it's got all of that so when I first was really deeply in love I was really deeply in love for the first time I was walking around and part of me, half of me was just floating and the other half of me was just incredibly sad


and I just didn't understand why and of course I realized that originally when I was kind of taught about this kind of deep loving experience it was with my family and there was a whole bunch of sadness that got stuck onto it so when my love, when my heart opened to the same kind of level the same kind of sadness came with it and I was relating to somebody completely different had nothing to do with my family but there was my family that's what it's like so when we have relationships or when we try to meet another person it's not actually almost very much of the other person it's mostly you the world is mostly a mirror for you when you get angry, when you get frustrated it's usually not about what's happening so-called out there it's usually about this side okay, now do we understand?


now we can erase this, we're going to go forward okay all right, say goodbye which side is it, this side or this side? I'm going to leave that because I think that's pretty good no, now I'll tell you about IMS first I was determined to have fun today we were getting so dour no, the IMS, an interesting thing happened this morning I was talking to somebody and explaining to them that we were sitting across from each other and how did it come up, I forgot now oh, because of dependent co-arising because of dependent co-arising


what? because of dependent co-arising if I relate to Andy that happens differently than if I relate to Kathleen I have a completely different relationship with Andy than I do with Kathleen who am I then? am I the person with whom I relate with Andy or am I the person with whom I relate to Kathleen yeah, different when I relate to one who am I, actually? am I smart? well, only when I understand something and tomorrow maybe I'm kind of dumb so, the IMS story is that IMS is a meditation retreat and there's no talking in that retreat it was after a while, you stayed there for a while my mind was very quiet and I was just staring out the window you know, a lot of insights happen like that


when you're just very quiet and just kind of staring because your mind is blank and it's open to what comes in so all of a sudden a bird, there was a bird on a branch and it was doing its bird thing and usually I would say, ah, bird, you know, great and have some kind of relationship with the bird but actually that's not a relationship with the bird that's me having a relationship with the bird over there away, outside, separate well, I wasn't doing that I was just looking and there was nobody over here and the bird was doing its thing and so I really looked at the bird and I had the most, in a certain kind of way, awful understanding that the bird was just well, okay, here it is, here's the awful part of it it was like a mechanical metal machine you know, it had its programming you know, it was doing its pecking and cleaning its feathers and all the rest of it


it was just dependently co-risen piece of life all just like the skandhas flowing along with nothing else there just like me and you it's all dependently co-risen there is no me on top of all that so, with that basis with that understanding with emptiness as the base we turn toward the text we turn toward the text machine? mechanical mechanical it means that


in this case what it meant is that the bird wasn't like choosing to peck or choosing to fly at that moment or choosing... it was an entirely conditioned event it was pecking because it had a I don't know, maybe it had a flea or something or it had hunger feeling so that produced in it pecking for food and then when it was... I don't know how a bird worked, but if it was going to go somewhere else the wings would spread and it would fly and it's all happening because it's a conditioned... conditions come together and create that behavior the bird didn't have to figure out how to fly or anything it was just on its way we can explain it dependently co-rising is so is that right? it means that...


let me put it this way in order for something to be a certain way it depends on other things in order for me to be who I am it depends on everything that's not me so everything in a certain kind of way that isn't me is creating this so-called me I am actually everything else oh, when I said it was awful? because the image I had in my mind was that it was actually mechanical the lifeness of it somehow for a moment just flashed away and it became the birdness of it somehow was... I didn't see that part is that the other part? for a moment okay, so let's go to the text


the name of the text is thirty verses of Vasubandhu let me put this on the board it's actually Vijnapti Matrata Siddhi which means mastery of representation only... mastery of... only representation do I have an H? Yes this Vijnapti is an important word remember I told you yesterday that we were not going to do Chittamatra and we're not going to do Vijnanavada we were going to do Vijnapti Matrata


it's because this word means representation and now you can see after all that we went through with this other stuff that the image that we have that we think we're relating to is a representation only it's not the thing itself, it's our version of what the thing itself is okay, representation sure okay actually it should be Vijnapti Matra


I think the Ta I'm not sure about the... I mean I know the Ta is in there but I think it has something to do with how it works next to Siddhi maybe okay so this means only and this means master so representation so master of representation only the mastery of representation only and the particular work that we're going to be looking at is Vasubandhu it is 30 verses and the name of it is the Trim how do you spell it so


so this is verses whoops this is verses and in this case this is going to be consciousness 30 verses on consciousness 30 verses on consciousness 30, that's better 30 verses on consciousness Vijnapti Matra that's the school and that's the text alright, so now let's look at the text now you have the text in these


in the compendium you have the text both straight 1 to 30 and then you have each verse with 5 translations the first 1 to 15 basically describe the arising of self with definitions and then also mental states that's about 1 to 15 and we should be able to well, we'll see and then 16 to 19 gives further explanations about the illusion of self and other and 20 to 25 is basically the content of the meditation that, you know, we've been talking about already and then the end of it is basically the path so often it's just divided that way so you have a sense and then a larger division of course then would be from about 1 to 16 or so


is the definition and the description of the illusion and of misery and the end of it is the release so that's kind of how we're going to approach it and we're going time? yeah, ok, ok we don't have so much time so this is good so you're going to have you'll have homework for study tomorrow because we're going to before we actually get to the verses we're going to define three little words and the words are anybody want to guess? no huh? darn yeah right, we're going to talk first about alaya oh, that probably is not good, is that good? ok alaya and what's the next one?


and manas, very famous one and what's the other one? I know, you know, this one is really an interesting one it kind of manas and alaya get all the attention and concept of the object gets really short rift shrift and I don't know why because concept of the object is very important I'm going to tell you what it is already concept of the object is the idea of something out there it's major important major important, it's an idea, it's a concept are you ok? no where? what? but it's not said everything yes, that's right and I think, I'm going to have to go


and I'm just waiting yeah, we do and I don't want to see that anymore well, that's why you're here that's exactly why you're here so, what is the practice, Judith? what is the practice? well, how? you have an idea right now in your mind do you mind if we do this? Judith is sitting here with an idea in her mind that she calls she has people locked in boxes right? and you believe that thought to be true and... no, no, we're talking about right now in this moment this is the hard part


letting go, ok? and it could be... sadness is fine you get to feel that in the body it came up sadness, ok? right now you're sitting in this room and you had a thought that a sad... it's sad that I put everybody in boxes it's a thought of the past I have put everybody in boxes right? and by doing that I have in the past maybe caused pain to myself and to other people ok? that's a thought that thought brings with it certain energy certain emotional energetic response, right? can you enjoy the energy right now? ok do you see that it's a thought? and how is it concrete for you?


well... well, it's that you believe it's true right? so... yeah, which is just what we talked about, right? but right now your freedom is about right now right now it's a thought that you believe to be true and it's causing you suffering can you let the feeling in your body happen feeling it completely and let go of recreating the truth of that thought now, if you just sat there and let your body have those feelings but not recreate thinking that that thought is true because you don't know you don't actually know


you don't know that if you... what you think hurt another person is not exactly what that person is going to use to wake up someday but... but it's a possibility right? well, until... two things need to happen one is you have to have a sense that holding to thought actually is more painful than letting it go you have to have a sense that the thoughts that we think actually don't represent anything you have to somewhere have these... it's easier if you have these understandings the practice is the same but it helps to understand some sense of emptiness some sense of dependently co-risen event


then when you have that kind of thought feel that feeling you can really be with the feeling but know it's only your particular interpretation that recreates you more than it does somebody else you're recreating your suffering you have no idea what the other person needs or doesn't need or how you can help them or where they're at or anything else the question is can we be free of our own stuck places? then you can actually have a chance to meet the other person instead, if you're going to meet the other person with that thought that person is going to always be, oh poor that person right? that's not meeting the other person not even close so your job is to get yourself free of that truth it isn't true it's just a thought that you have invested with substance that causes you suffering so why don't you ask


why don't you check it out sometimes that's helpful sometimes you do something to somebody and you think you've really done something hurtful or whatever ask the other person sometimes they don't even notice it and you can begin to kind of loosen your hold on those kinds of thoughts it's all us you can practice yeah, right but if you do that you can't miss though your feeling that's not suppressing what you actually feel you can't walk over the feeling you can just try a different way but even better to practice the pinnacle arising because your event comes to you with the other person if you can see that over and over and over again that's really helpful okay


yeah um there is um that in a very open my feeling is that you did not somebody somebody not somebody that did not um interesting, huh?


so your idea of you is different than somebody else's idea of you, right? but your idea of you causes you pain can you release that? then find out what it is that you're holding that you need to hold on to in order for you to still be you can you see what I mean? find out what part of you is is getting strong by thinking that thought okay you're rebuilding a you of a certain kind can you let go of that image? of who you are and be nobody Nico yeah


same thing it's the same thing it's stuck it's a you can say I am good for now because I sharpened somebody's pencil and that's it then as soon as you turn around give the person the pencil you don't know who you are again till something else arises that you can respond to and then when you respond you'll find out who you are you know what? yeah you mean if you think something is really true? because the person because the person is never just that


even if I knew who was really so-called thief it doesn't represent anything that person may also be a father and a dog catcher and a kind person to old people and a you know whatever that person okay is not a thief they took something once maybe maybe they took it to give to an orphan what does it make them? does it make them a thief? or does it make them a you know a person who is going to sacrifice time in jail so that this other person can have food doesn't mean anything but as soon as we call somebody something and believe it we've done damage to ourselves and to the other person good or bad yes


exactly exactly yes right and it says in one of the I think it's 17 or 19 or something like that if you don't stop at mere concept you're also in problem in trouble just like you said oh I'm a person who can do this practice right boom there it is you just created a self right there it's fun don't you think? no? you don't think it's fun? one yes it's really right it's really good at what it's good at for example I always


for some reason it pops up in my mind making airplane ticket appointments it's really good at that and we need to respect it and let it do its thing it's great in math it's great in see it gets hard to think of you know it's good really good in some things and making lunch right and also we need to handle it with a great deal of compassion because as we begin to let go of the part that we recreate that it really isn't it gets really scared and nervous and we need to really take care of it in a daily kind of way is that what you mean? well you can go ahead


and let it it's good at that go ahead and let it do you know whatever kind of puzzle intellectual thing that is exciting for it that's fine as long as you're really clearly aware that you don't identify that knower or that smart person or that whatever image you have wrapped up in just the plain old fun of intellectual pursuit see it's fine as long as you don't paste as long as you don't impute a self there fine not a problem that's exactly the point oh yeah unless except right then when you're playing chess you can call yourself a chess player and know that it's empty just don't solidify the word chess player chess player just means that right now this set of skandhas for now


temporarily is moving these things around the board and somebody and maybe you're playing with somebody else and you have to communicate don't you know don't call me on the phone right now I'm a chess player it's helpful it's helpful but that's as far as it goes that's it no you don't that's right exactly you're not a chess player making dinner you're a dinner maker and right now we are a meditator I don't know I think he probably meant that sometimes when he did something that you know might I don't know what he meant actually I don't know yeah when I'm here


in the front I'm teaching and when I'm you know cleaning my house I'm a cleaner right