So I have a wonderful treat that I got by email that I want to share with all of you. And thank you, Dean, for the wonderful gift of these photographs. So as you all know, I think you all know, we had a Jukai at Green Gulch, and it was wonderful. And Ying and her family were here from Singapore. And Melissa Keys came down from the Sierras. And a lot of people came to help. And Dean kindly offered to take photographs, which I now have, that I thought I'd show you and talk a little bit about the Jukai ceremony. For those of you who haven't been to one, some of you have. But I thought it was a really special day. And these are wonderful photographs. So that's what I want to do, is share these with you. And of course, the theme is Uji, which time being, so of course, everything that we do. fits and is qualified as part of the time being.

[01:00]

So without breaking our theme and continuing on, these photographs of our ceremony at Green Gauch I think are a wonderful example of what's a good thing to do with your time, you know, the time we have. So here, let's see, let me see how to do that. Screen share. Okay. Can you all see that? Good. So, well, that's me. And this was the beginning. I was out in the tea garden, just coming around the corner of the tea house at Green Gulch, about ready to go in to do the ceremony. And it was a very, as you can see, a very happy feeling that had come over me and preparing to offer the precepts to our friends. And here they are waiting. So they were sitting zazen in the afternoon. We'd had a rehearsal in the morning and gone over the ritual, and then they were sitting in the zendo.

[02:02]

So this is a far left corner of the Green Gulf zendo where they're sitting. And this shot is of the altar in the zendo, and the tray that you can see here has the various things that they're going to be gifted during the ceremony. So they're going to receive their serene name, which is their dharma name. That's these little... two pieces of paper. And then here are the kechimyaku, which are the documents, the lineage inheritance. So starting with Shakyamuni Buddha, all of these names that we've been looking at in the transmission of light are printed on this document all the way through India and China and Japan and then on to Suzuki Roshi coming to America. Those names are there. Zentatsu Richard Baker and Tenshin Rev. Anderson and then my name and then the name of the new Ordinese. So there are two of It's called the blood vein. Ketchumyaku literally means blood vein of the Buddhas and ancestors. And the blood that's running through the vein is the Bodhisattva precepts.

[03:06]

That's what's being transmitted. And I was coming in to kind of check on everything. So this is a little before the ritual. And this is the table. that uh is used the ritual table so i've moved over from the main altar where those objects were sitting i'm just looking at them now and then this is the table that has an incense bowl and this the script for the ceremony a flower one flower one candle and two lamps and this is the where they come in the first place they go is to the head of the altar the bowing mat And then they go forward and offer incense, and they do boughs, and then they come over in front of that ornate table that I showed you just before. So they're still sitting and waiting, and Dean was taking some pictures around while they were doing sitting zazen. That's a front shot.

[04:08]

So this shot is kind of a wonderful one of what's called Cloud Hall. And the reason we called it Cloud Hall is that this is the entryway to the Zendo. And along either side of this hallway are rooms. And there are these wonderful little small rooms. There's enough room for a single bed and some place for your clothing and a bookshelf and so on. I think most of us, I've lived in Cloud Hall for some period of time, a number of years ago. And there are a lot of newer students there now living in Cloud Hall. So we start the ceremony. in Cloud Hall. In fact, every morning while I was abbess at Green Gulch, I would meet right there at the altar and begin the morning rounds of all the altars at Green Gulch to begin zazen. The abbot or one of the senior people goes around to all the altars and offers incense. So we're beginning that process right now. And this is Zenko, who's my jisha. He carries incense for me and makes...

[05:11]

Doxan appointments for me. And here's our wonderful Tonto, Kokyo, Luminous Ao. And that's, oh, don't blank on me. She sewed Yang's Raksu. Ellen, yes, Ellen. Ellen, thank you. Ellen. So she was Jisha. She was the Anja for the ceremony. So these are the two attendants. Ellen and Zenko are attending me as Doshi. And then Kokyo, who's the Tanto, is the person who's going to go get Ying and Melissa out of the Zendo. They're still in there sitting when this picture was taken. And start to lead them around to the altar, starting with the Kaisando, the Suzuki Roshi Memorial, which is right up here on the second floor of Cloud Hall. The reason it's called Cloud Hall is because that's the name that monks have always been given since ancient times.

[06:11]

They're called clouds. They move through the sky like clouds. They have this quality of being like cloud, unsui, clouds and water. There's the Kaisando upstairs, Suzuki Roshi's picture. This is the big drum that's hit to signal time during the mornings, but many times, but... during the morning sitting at the end of the sitting there's a this called the time drum and it's hit and you can tell what time it is by how many hits there are if it's 6 30 there's six hits and then there's a little bell that's hit to signal in between whole hours so each hit of the i mean minutes each hit of the uh if of the drum is a signal of one one signal it's now six and then a hit on the little bell ding ding is 6 30 so this is like a clock that the monks used to tell time. That's the Kaisando from inside the room. It's a nice picture, Dean. And here they are coming out.

[07:13]

They're getting some instruction and getting ready to go upstairs. These are some of the other folks from Green Gulch who were extremely helpful. It was wonderful. A lot of people showed up to help with the ceremony. It was really... a lovely supported event there they are walking along the corridor going to the kaisando and there they're upstairs now they're at the bath altar so they went from the kaisando down the back stairs of of cloud hall to this bath house which is uh just behind the zendo area and there's an altar there so When we go around to the altars, we start with the Kaisando, then we go to the bath altar, and then to the dining room or kitchen altar. Oh, it's even moving. That's very exciting. And there they are in the Tenzo's office, the head cook's office, offering incense.

[08:15]

So that's Melissa and Ying. And this is our new Tonto. This is Timo, who is now the Tonto of Gringo. So this is the very first thing he did as new Tonto. was to lead the ordinees around the Zen. It was really a sweet thing for him to start with that. It's his first time leading ritual. They're doing three standing bows to the altar. And then they're going out and going to go to the library. And they're chanting as they walk. They're saying, Aum Aumaj Shakyamuni Buddha. going up the stairs i mean up the hill and through the garden area back into the zendo they're getting ready to come into the zendo to begin the ceremony so now they've come to the altar to offer incense and to do prostrations again here's that the table the ordination table

[09:23]

they're doing some frustrations to begin and then i speak i start reciting different ceremonial recitations about the names of the buddha and various other things that we do to sort of set the stage for what's about to happen and they're joining in the chanting and this is called the hair cutting so One of the things that's characteristic of Buddhists, ordained Buddhists, particularly of monks, is that they don't have any hair or they have very little hair. So part of the ordination ceremony, whether for lay people, for priests, you fully shave your head. So for about seven years, I had a completely shaved head. And part of that happens during the ceremony where you leave just a little tiny bit of your hair left on the back. It's called the shura. And then the teacher says to you, now I'm going to cut off this little bit of hair. Only Buddha can cut it off. Do you allow me to cut it off? And you say, yes, I do.

[10:29]

So that's not part of the lay ritual, but you do take a little snip of hair. So what's happening right now is Zenko is holding a tray that had these ritual scissors, and I'm taking a little snip of Melissa's hair. And then after that, I took a little snip of of Ying's hair. Which I had trouble getting off. I think I couldn't see. So I kept missing her hair. So there's a little bit of a dramatic moment there. I'm like, oh no. So finally, finally I got it several tries. And then they're coming forward now to receive their names, their Dharma names. That was a really, really nice part. This is the new Tiger Mountain. This is Tiger Mountain, Melissa. A luminous heart. And Ying.

[11:32]

And Ying is... Oh, don't forget who... Ying is... Oh, a river of light. Buddha's vow. River of Light, Buddha's vow. And her name came from her children and her husband. I usually write to the family members or ask them, the ordinance, to write to their friends and family members to give me some suggestions for how they're seen, you know, their virtues. What do you see about this person? And so Yang's husband, Yang, who we got to meet, and her kids, who all came as well, who were incredibly well-behaved through this whole thing, three fairly young children, wanted... water for their mom they wanted something to do with water so i named her river of light buddha's vow and now they're receiving their raksus so they've uh ellen sewed the raksu for yin because she wasn't able to come to california to do the lessons and so on so ellen's very kindly offered to sew a raksu for her so melissa had sewn hers earlier and now she's receiving her raksu

[12:42]

yings receiving her raksu. They both learned so fast. We had one rehearsal to do, and it was wonderful how they really were so sincere and smart. These two women were really smart. They had no problem memorizing the chants or remembering what was next. So here they are doing the rope chant. we all do in the morning before we put on our robes we put the robe on our heads and chant the robe chap and some of you know a great robe of liberation and then we put it on so we're now chanting together that's bodhisattva So there's the raksu on their heads.

[13:51]

And now they're putting them on. And again, quite a few times there's bows. So it's really part of the ceremony is this ritual gratitude that we express to the altar, to the tradition, to the teacher, to the student. So everyone's bowing. That's one of the... most frequent aspects of the sermon. And now they're offering incense to indicate their desire to take the Buddhist precepts. So that's the kind of purification. They come in to show your sincere wish to take these precepts, you offer incense. So that's what's happening right now. And now I'm doing what's called wisdom water. So this little brass jar has water in it. And then I have learned this ritual for creating out of this water kind of like a magic potion.

[15:03]

So it has the power to purify the space and to bless all beings in all directions. And in order to give it that power, I do these kind of secret mantras that I've been taught. my teacher who was taught by his teacher and so on so that's one of the things that are passed down as this uh learning how to do the ritual of giving precepts is really all it's all i've been transmitted really to do is to offer the bodhisattva precepts so that's really a great deal of what i've learned in my years of studying as a priest is how to do this ritual so this part of it wisdom water part i'm now in the process of saying these various mantras that bring this water to life and um and then after i do that i use the water i take the wisdom the wisdom that goes into the water is coming off the top of my head so that's what's going on here is i'm taking the wisdom off my head and putting it into the water and then something you have to remember to do

[16:06]

at the end is put it back in your head or else you don't have any. So I have forgotten that a few times and I thought, oh no, I better go back and get that little water jar. So I'm now giving them this blessing. There's little pine twigs that are bound together with red and yellow ribbon. that are fresh. So one of the jishas, one of the little helpers, they're not little, they're big, they're huge helpers. One of the helpers had made this pine twig for the ceremony. So I'm using that now to sprinkle water on them and on the donors and all beings in all directions. Purification. And then we continue with the ritual, more bowing. And now they've received the I'm not sure what they received there. Well, one of the three things. Oh, something.

[17:09]

What was going on there? Oh, that's the end. Now we're saying like a cloud and an endless sky, like a lotus and muddy water, we live in the pure mind of Buddha. Thus we bow to the Tathagata. So we're now at the end of this ritual. We've gone through the recitation of the precepts. So all of that early part of the ceremony is preparing for the actual recitation or their acceptance of the precepts themselves. So the 16 Bodhisattva precepts, which we can look at again at some time, I think that would be a really good thing to do. I was doing that with them and the group of folks who were studying precepts this last year. We looked at each one of those precepts using Reb's book, Being Upright. And then we studied each of them and discussed them. And so at this time, they're actually receiving them. And having asked to receive the precepts, they've been given the precepts one by one.

[18:12]

So you start with the three pure precepts, three refuges. I take refuge in Buddha. I take refuge in Dharma. I take refuge in Sangha. Then the pure precepts. I vow to do all good, I vow to avoid all evil, I vow to save all beings, and then the ten prohibitory precepts. I vow not to kill, not to steal, not to sexualize, not others, not to lie, not to intoxicate mind or body of self or others, not to slander, not to praise myself at others' expense, not to be possessive of anything, not to harbor ill will. hatred, and then not to disparage the three treasures, the Buddhadharma Sangha. So that's the whole of it. Those are the words. But the feeling of it, which I think is profoundly palpable in these ceremonies, the sincerity with which people receive and which I find myself giving these precepts is really what's going on there.

[19:15]

It's like, I really do want to do this. I really do want to be this way in this world. And it's hard. And I know I'm going to have to go back to the all my ancient twisted karma and ask for some resolution of my failures. That's why we have full moon ceremonies and new moon ceremonies is to acknowledge that, you know, we tried, but we kind of didn't quite hit it. And we're going to keep trying, you know, keep working on this, this polishing of our effort to be what we hope to be, you know, to be to basically just to be kind. It really comes down to that. As the Dalai Lama said, my religion is kindness. I think that's a pretty good summary. So this is the ending or one of the endings. So there's an ending. It's kind of called a false ending where I go up to the altar as if we're done. But then I go back over to the table. And then they do three more bows. And on the fourth bow, they say, thank you very much.

[20:17]

And then I get to say, you're welcome. And then I... spoke some words to their family to thank them for coming and appreciate them for supporting the lives of these wonderful people and all of the students who came and the help from all the people at Green Gulch who were all basically off on vacation. So it was really wonderful that so many people chose to come and help with this ceremony. I was really pleased to have the support from so many of the good folks at Green Gulch. So now we're leaving the room. And there's a little video there going out of the Zendo together. There we are in the hall. There are new Raksus. And it was so amazing. You know, I had never seen Yang, like the real Yang. I had no idea. I'd only seen her online. Like some of you, I've only seen you online.

[21:20]

And even though I feel very familiar with you and how, hey, Melissa, is that you? You there? Yay, there she is. It was amazing. So Melissa and I were standing in the hall and we'd heard that Ying had arrived to Green Gulch with her family. And it was kind of the kind of suspense that really built up a little bit there. And then she walked in the room, and it was like magic. I couldn't even believe it. It's you. It's the real you. Anyway, it was a wonderful moment of actually having this personal and intimate and heartfelt connection to this wonderful human being. And so that was a... kind of a high point, I think, for Melissa and I both to meet Yang. Yeah, I can tell. Yeah, see? Yeah. Yeah, I can tell. Yes. Oh, whoops, whoops, whoops.

[22:22]

And there's Melissa and her happy face with her beautiful new rocks that she made. And her wonderful, she was wearing this beautiful Japanese formal robe. And absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous, as you can see. I am, too. Whatever. Me, too. I am, too. Probably happy. Tiger Mountain, Luminous Heart. So on the back of the Roxus, one of the privileges of this position I am in, and also one of the challenges, I thought at one time of writing my book, memoirs, and it would be black ink on white silk, because the backs of these Raksus are white silk. And my job is to use a brush and this very black ink and write things on the back. So a couple of times I've ended up with little drops of black ink, which I turned into ladybugs. So it's really, it's just one of the things that you do as a priest is...

[23:29]

know learn something learn about how to use a brush and to be very careful so that was that was the back of of melissa's rock suit and that's river of light buddha's vow yeah there's alan Sweetheart. Ellen, I think I mentioned to you, heard me asking the abbots if it would be okay for Ying to buy a Raksu in Japan. She was going to Japan where she could purchase one. And, you know, they were going to be okay with that. But while I was in that meeting talking to them... Ellen was taking minutes for the Abbots group, and she said, oh, I could make her rock suits. I said, well, that's fantastic. So they had this lovely connection that happened. And then it turns out, now this is unbelievable. Ying's children go to the Singapore, American Singapore school or Singapore American school. It's both Chinese and American.

[24:29]

They teach English and Chinese. And there's a lot of international students who go to this school. I hear it's a very wonderful school, including Ellen's grandson who goes to that school, which, of course, we didn't know. It's like, what? So their children actually are going to the same school. I think they may have met by now. At that time, they hadn't actually met. But it was like, OK, this world really is tiny. And so they had this really sweet connection to one another through Ellen's son and his child. It was such a thrill. What's that? What? Oh, yeah. Ying mentioned that the name that I, the character I chose for water for her was river, which is three lines. And she said, oh, that's the name of the city that I grew up in. That's the name of her town. So she has her town's name. So she thought that was pretty amazing. that of all the characters you can use for water, that the one that was of her city was the one that was used.

[25:34]

I think that may be it. Yeah, I think it is. Okay. There we are. So again, Dean, thank you so much. They're just wonderful, treasured photographs. I know everyone felt that way. And so I just wanted to, since it's New Year's, and I really don't have anything else to say, because I've been running around like a crazy person most of the holiday, I thought we could just talk together and bring up, there's not so many of us today, which is great. I also, it's very nice to see Paul and Kate, who are now right at this very moment up in Enso Village, where I was visiting a couple days ago, and they are... preparing their way for moving to Ensel Village, and I was very happy to go visit their place. And there's Millicent way down there in Australia. I'm about ready to get your wonderful weaving transported to Ensel Village for my room, where it's going to be a featured Aje de Art, or however you say it.

[26:45]

What is it? Objet d'art. Thank you. So please, whatever. Oh, Ying. Oh, my goodness. You're here, too. Our two ordinaries. Hi. I'm a little bit lost. The Stanford dish. I'm a little bit lost on the dish. Kind of. You're breaking up a little bit. It sounds like you're at Stanford. Is that right? Yes. Yes. It's so good to see you. You're still in California. You went to the Sierras? Supposed to be on the loop. We're trying to find the exit. Supposed to be a short. The kids are complaining. We're trying to get them out of the loop. Your kids are so great. We all went for pizza afterwards at a local Mill Valley pizzeria, and it was just delightful. We just had the best time with this family.

[27:47]

And Melissa came as well. And partner. And anyway, it's just lovely. Just lovely. Yeah, I'm still amazed. I just cannot believe, you know, this is happening. Seeing you guys in person. Wasn't that something? I know. It was just the best. I think, you know, this kind of experience. You know, I thought about it many times before I... Yeah. Before I, you know, came to California, I always tend to imagine, you know, imagination doesn't match up with the real thing. Can't touch it. That's amazing. Highly recommended. Life changing. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. All of us. Yeah. Yeah. Melissa, where are you right now? Are you home? Yes, I'm home. Missing Green Gulch. Yeah, you have a little cozy, warm space there to be in. I do. I do. And it's been very warm here.

[28:47]

So not a lot of snow, which has been nice for me because the hiking is easier. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. But I do miss Green Gulch. It's always a little hard to leave there. I feel like I leave a piece of my soul there every time and then I come back and I retrieve it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we keep good care of our souls. I'm going to be doing that soon, too. So I'm going to have to leave a little piece of myself there at Green Gulch. And I can tell I can remind people which parts are mine. Yeah. Well, that was my yard. Right, right. So I have actually, since we're just chatting, I have a little confession to make. After the precept ceremony, my perfectionism went through the roof of all the tiny little mistakes that I made. And I was so like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe I made that mistake in front of food. And I was just beating on myself so much about that.

[29:51]

And then I kind of realized, well, that's precisely the thing I'm not supposed to be doing. But it was interesting to watch myself. Like I actually, during the ceremony, I kind of watched myself like leave the present moment and then kind of come back to it and then leave again. As my mind was going through this, oh my gosh, you missed that part. Or, oh my gosh, you forgot that chant. It was... wild actually to to watch myself kind of dip in and out of the present and the mechanism that brought me out was my perfectionism ah interesting yeah that's good that perfectionism for someone to be in the present moment is a very good quality come home Well, I didn't notice a thing, and I also do know from having done this ceremony many times and also been in it many times, everyone is like a, you know, like a, what do you call it, in the headlights? You're in the headlights.

[30:53]

You're in the headlights. As soon as you walk in the room, no matter how many times you practiced or what you think you'll remember, it's just, you're just like in shock. Shock. It's the lights. It's beautiful. The lights, there's formality. There's this chanting going on. And it's not something you've done very often. So whatever you think you've learned, it won't hold. Now, I knew that would happen to you guys. So that's why I had all these little signals. It's kind of like... The pitching coach, you know, let's give it a three bow. Let's give it a one bow. Those were so crucially important for getting through the ceremony because as Zenko Yurgisha said, you will forget everything the moment you walk in the door. And I was like, yeah, right. And I probably forgot everything. Pretty much right off the bat. Yes. And I picked you to be the leader because I thought, well, at least you've been in the Zenko a few times. But I wasn't, you know, Reb was saying he did a Jukai a few, maybe, I don't know, maybe a month or so ago.

[31:57]

It was so sweet with a couple of his older, and when I say older, I mean really older students. There were three of them. And he was saying to his wife, who I just had lunch with, they couldn't remember anything. And I thought... Yeah, and I can remember talking to Rab, and I said, you forgot a few things. He said, yeah, it's going to be like everything, everywhere, all at once. I said, yeah, I feel that way, too. It's just like... It's all happening. Yeah, that's a really good description, actually. I hadn't thought of that. But yeah, that's a really good description of what it was like to go through the ceremony. It's just your past and your present. And then, of course, perfectionism is about the future and worrying and that kind of thing. So I felt like I was going in and out and back and forth and all of these things all at once. It was humbling. Yeah, well, that's... There is a line in the Diamond Sutra, it's my very favorite line, which I came across years ago and was surprised by. It said, by this humiliation, you shall be liberated. And I thought, why does that seem true?

[33:00]

That's my next tattoo right there. There you go. I think it's really true. I think the more humble hummus, it's like the ground. The more grounded we become, the more humble we become. There's something about that that eats away at that ego. The ego that wants to do it right, which I know we all have that, you know, to some degree. And then there's this other one which is just carried. You're just carried by the wind. You're just being carried by the beauty of the whole thing and by people who care about you and want you to be just held. Nobody's wanting you to feel like you're on your own and you're doing it wrong. You know, it's just not happening. So you kind of get left hanging there with that idea, which you saw didn't hold. You couldn't hold it. Yeah. So that I appreciate your sharing that because that's very much, I think, how it is for for everybody. OK, that's really good to know. You're in the club. Definitely.

[34:02]

Charter member. Human society. Anyone else want to offer any New Year's greetings or. Oh, there's a chat, some message in the chat. I'm on the road. Keep me video off for now. Okay. Oh, that's from Ying. She's letting us know her video's on. Hi, Dean. Somebody's barking. Sorry, that's my dog. Okay, Melissa. Dean, you got your, what do you call it? You're muted. And now you're gone. Where are you? Did you want to say something, Dean? Oh, there's Kate and Paul. Oh, I finally am muted. Am I unmuted? You're unmuted. So Kate and Paul, let's just let Dean come back on for a second, and then we'll come back to you. So I'll stay on together.

[35:03]

That's even better. Okay. I would like to share my screen because about a month before this jukebox. Someone sent me three photos of my Jukai. And these are the only ones I have. And I just got them maybe a month or so ago. So I'm going to see if I can share my screen. Do I need to make you something? I have no idea. Oh, maybe I need to make you a host. Let's see if I share my screen. Oh, yeah, you have to let me. I have to make you a host, yeah. So, Dean. Make co-host. Okay. All right. That should work. Oh, and here we go. Oh, when was that, Dean? Oh, my God. It was a long time ago. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe. I didn't sew my Raka suit until I'd been sitting about 10 years before I sewed it because I just thought, what do I need a little bib for?

[36:06]

Okay. I mean, it was sort of like, I'm good. I recognize the place. That's Mel Weitzman. That's Berkeley Zen Center. That's right. That's right. Yes, that is. Beautiful Mel. Dear Mel. Yeah. And this is what I remember smiling the entire time. And I love, love Jukais. I just love them. So that's that. And then. Oh, my God, Dean, look at you. That is joy impersonified. And then when we were outside, it was like, okay, man, I'm good. So those are my three. But I, yeah, I really, at this point in time and for a while, you guys are, they just always make me happy. I know. They're really lovely. It's hard to understand why it is that grown-ups do these things, but it's so sweet.

[37:09]

It's just so sweet. Thanks for looking at me. Yeah. Paul and Kate. So on a similar theme, this morning was the opening of the Zendo ceremony, and we swept it and dusted it and filled it. It was filled to the brim with people sitting on chairs, sitting on... Oh, wonderful. So with only half the residents here, it's not clear how this is going to continue. But it was a wonderful ceremony. Oh, that's so great. Because Maya wasn't sure. I said, well, how are people, do they know about it? And she said, I don't really know. Because there's not clear how communication is happening yet with you guys. So... I said, is there a bulletin board or an announcement? She said, I really don't know. Well, she said, maybe some of the people who have been coming to Sitzazen will probably be there because they've been told about it.

[38:11]

So I'm so happy to hear that it was full. I think that's wonderful. Word got out. Yes, it was in the daily newsletter. It was in the weekly calendar. Okay. Okay. What time was the ceremony? 10.30 this morning. Uh-huh. Yeah. And how did Maya do with the Chasui? Did she do a good job? She did. She did a very good job. Okay. Because we rehearsed that the other day. She was using my little whisk that I used for Jukai, is the one that she used for the opening. And they had a lot of rose geranium leaves, so everybody got rained on. with rose geranium leaves, and then we swept the zendo again. Yeah, after we cleaned it completely, then we threw the leaves all over the place. Those kids, I don't know what's with those Buddhas throwing those things around, you know. They come from the heavens, right? Yes.

[39:13]

So what are you going to do? Clean it up again. And do it again. Mess it up. Yeah, that's right. Clean it up. So it was really nice to be there again, and we had a lovely lunch. The food is kind of good. Wow. Yeah. Goodness. I think that's what people do most of the time is eat, isn't it? I believe it's the food and now the zendo that is going to be the glue. Good. A good bet. Two good bets. One of the construction workers said... You realized you were moving into a construction zone, didn't you? No. It's still a work in progress to complete everything. I mean, it looks like months of work to really finish all the details. Yeah, yeah. Oh, at least. I bet by summer things will look pretty quiet, but... I have a hunch. There's a lot of, I just walk around the back hallways, you know, there's a lot of stuff open and sitting out and big pieces of equipment and the swimming pool is really definitely not being worked on at the moment.

[40:23]

So not a high priority. Show up at six o'clock every morning and start working on the swimming pool. Yeah. Big flashlights, and somehow they always manage to get our bigger window. Oh, no. Oh, dear. Well, I know they're really trying hard to get it done, and I just think the spirit is so good. I mean, everyone I talk to just seems to be really pleased with their neighbors. Yeah. So that part, I think maybe that'll hold it all together. Yes. And that's Kate's theory is that... But the good food kind of keeps people calm down. That's true. That's true. And they haven't gotten the app working yet to account for the food charges. I know. I know. They just let everybody eat. Free food. They did reduce the plate size from the great.

[41:26]

Oh, there's one of those waiters was so adorable. I couldn't even believe it. What's his name? Right. Brody. [...] Yes. His mother works here, too, and his sister now works here, too. It's a family. You can imagine these folks grew up in that area, and this is a kind of a wonderful job opportunity for an awful lot of people, you know, and how lovely to have them wanting to be there. It's just like, wow. He said, oh, yeah. Somebody else we met was a surfer. Oh, I guess the manager. is a surfer. And he was telling us all about going off to surf and where he goes to surf. And I said, you guys are going to have to tell us what's going on out here. I don't know Sonoma County. So anyway, that's going to be part of our education because where are we? Anyway, well, I'm so glad that you're there and you'll be there a little longer after the holiday for a little while. And you'll be back sometime.

[42:32]

Yeah, we're going to pop in again. We had such a nice time being there. I was wondering why you weren't here this morning. Who did? Nini? Nini? Oh, Nini. Yeah, that's Nini. Why aren't Fu and Karina here today? Yeah, well, we'd like to be. We're just still measuring and looking for... the right size table for the kitchen area, you know, it's, it's quite a big thing for your last move. So anyway, it'd be lovely to share, share notes with you guys when, when it all, when the smoke starts to settle. Yeah. So are you, are you planning to come here like every visit every weekend or every weekend? Well, I don't have weekends anymore because I'm retired. So yeah, You have a Sunday evening commitment. Well, that's true. That's true. And that's not even a job. That's a joy for me. But yes, I will.

[43:33]

And I can do it from anywhere. That's the nice thing. I said, oh, I can do it from here. I can do it from there. You can do it from here. I am going to do it from there. So that's my plan. I just ordered a desk. So I have someplace to sit for Sunday evenings. But, yeah, we're on the ocean, the open ocean of what do we do now? And, yeah. It's coming up quickly. March. I know. It's sooner than you think. That's ominous. It's all sooner than we think, isn't it? It works really well. Does it? well that's really good yeah that's really good there's a lot of concern about whether it was going to be i don't know good enough for this many people and it's super fast right everybody has you have your own in your unit a private network in your unit and then there's a there's a community wide when you're wandering around you're still connected on the enzo village net so they just

[44:47]

Oh, I don't have to. I can walk around with my cell phone and belong to everybody like I do now. It's great. I'm really excited about all of it, actually. It's kind of like, yeah, I don't know what it is. It's a new life. That's cable TV system, too, over the Internet. It's Xfinity, Comcast, all the Comcast cables. All the things that matter. Are we going to actually spend any time together? We're going to, yeah. Yeah. Or we'll just keep doing our Netflix. We'll be in our individual unit. We'll Zoom. Oh, there we go. Like we're doing now. I'll be in my unit down the hall, and you'll be in yours, and we'll be talking. That's probably what it'll happen. That's what happens at Green Gulch. Jerry and I, who lives across the way from me, we're always communicating by Zoom. I said, Jerry, look out your window. That's me over there. Anyway. All right, my dear friends. Anyone else want to pop in? Oh, go ahead.

[45:48]

I just wanted to say, Phu, can you stay on for just a minute after everybody signs off? I have something I would like to share with you. Sure. Is that Dean? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I just wanted to jump in and say thank you to Dean and Melissa and Ying for sharing your photos. I thought that was beautiful. It was quite a quite a moment. And I can see it even through the Google photos there. And maybe maybe I'll join you sometime. We talked about my my attending the class as well. So we'll see how that goes in the in after March. I think we were saying for. Yeah. Yeah. But I wish you all a happy new year. I know 2024 is upon us in a few hours here. So. A new day, right? And another 365 of them, maybe. So one day at a time. But appreciate you all and hope you have a wonderful new year.

[46:53]

Thank you, Tom. Same to you. Thank you. Okay. If anyone would like to just unmute and say, Happy New Year. You're welcome to do that. And I hope you'll all have a Happy New Year and take good care of yourselves and that we'll stay connected. I look forward to that. So I love seeing all your faces. Happy New Year, everybody. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Don't watch too much of the Anderson Cooper or anything. Don't worry. Yeah. Take good care. You too, all of you. Yeah. See you next week, next year. See you next week. See you next year. Isn't that what we get to say right now?

[47:54]

See you next year. See you next year. Yeah. Is that weird to see the ball come down on the East Coast and you guys have hours to come? Yeah. Very weird. I think it's weird. It seems like it would be, but we're used to it because it's weird all the time. I once went to the ball drop in Buffalo. That was different. Buffalo, New York. Wow. You know, it was a smaller little celebration during the pandemic, but that was a little one, but you know, it was still fun. Something different. rather than just Times Square. Times Square, I'd be a little bit, I don't know. It's a little bit much. But I haven't done that one. We were in London for New Year's last year, and we watched on TV Big Ben and these incredible fireworks going off. It was on TV. But it was amazing. It was just like, wow. It wasn't just that ball thing. What? What?

[48:57]

Oh, yeah, the queen's face was in drones. Mind-blowing. That's neat. The queen, the former beloved queen. So that was sweet. That was a nice place to be for New Year. Nice. That's neat. Okay, you guys. Don't do anything that will hurt your bodies. Too badly. But please enjoy. Enjoy your evening. See you next week. Look forward to that. And Dean, if you want to stay on, we can figure out what's... Yeah. I'll stay on. Bye, Yang. Thank you for taking the pictures, Dean. I really felt like... Thank you. Thank you. I'm very much in the dark now. Bye. That's your own light. You're the river of light. Don't forget. Yes, yes, exactly. Thank you. Bye. Bye. So I'm guessing you've heard about Alan Sinaki.

[49:58]

Oh, I did. What's the latest? He's in a coma still? Yeah, but I've been up there a number of times and we'll take turns. Like I'm going to do the two o'clock to five o'clock shift tonight. And he's not going to make it. He's not going to come back. I don't even know how much time he's been for. But he's been completely unconscious since... I can't remember if he went in on Thursday morning or Friday morning. I've just gotten all the days confused. Did he have heart surgery? No. Tell me what happened. He went in for prostate surgery about a month ago. And they weren't able to complete it for some reason. And then he went back later and had it completed, and he came home.

[51:02]

That was, I don't know, a week ago, the weekend of maybe, I think, the 22nd, 23rd. And he went home, and then he was just really sort of delirious and combative and... It felt horrible, so they took him back to the hospital. I think it was, I think it must have been Thursday morning, but they took him, and that morning, he had cardiac arrest, and he went 11 or 12 minutes. At the hospital? At the hospital, after they got him to the hospital, cardiac arrest, and he went 11 or 12 minutes without the oxygen they would be. He was there. They immediately did CPR. They don't really know for sure how quickly. And someone got an ambu bag on them. But they're there. But they believe that he just went too long without oxygen. And so what he's been doing for the last several days is he twitches.

[52:07]

He just twitches. I mean, his whole body. Yeah. And sometimes it goes on for maybe 15 minutes and sometimes it's brief. And at first they thought it was when someone would come in to take blood or they'd come in to change them or roll them over. And he would twitch them. Pretty, I mean, bad enough that you think, oh my God, I want to help this body. And they- It felt like a seizure. It felt like a seizure. It felt like a seizure, but they weren't calling it a seizure because they kept thinking- that it wasn't showing up as a seizure. But then, I think it was the... And they gave them a little bit more propofol to sort of calm that down. So when I was there on my overnight shift, you know, it happened like in the three hours or four hours, it happened maybe... four times or five times. And then there was these things that lasted for, you know, 10 or so minutes.

[53:09]

And so they gave him a higher dose of propofol. They thought, you know, that'll calm him down. And then when I was there, it happened even with no one doing anything. So then yesterday, I think it was yesterday morning, he had a seizure. Yeah. It wasn't someone said it was a grandma. It wasn't because I talked to the doctor. I think it was last night or this morning. And but he had a seizure. And they said at that point, chances are he has brain damage. So they kept thinking that Monday would be 72. Sunday would be 72 hours. And they wanted to take them downstairs to get a CAT scan. But. They would try to take him off. He was on a ventilator. He was also on a 24-7 dialysis because he does have kidney disease. And they couldn't take him off the ventilator. I mean, they would start to take it off, and he would just crash. And then they tried that.

[54:12]

Did he have a do not, obviously, no. Well, not at the time. Not at the time. And then yesterday, it might have been today. But I think it was yesterday. or the evening before that they went ahead and did a DNR. And, but he, and he, and they thought he would probably have another, they were afraid he's going to have another heart attack or another seizure. And, but today when I was there, I mean, last night when I was there, I was there for maybe 45 minutes or so. And he was that twitching that what appeared to be seizures. probably only maybe five or ten minutes, he didn't do that. Wow. So, you know, I mean, I saw that he was getting worse. And, you know, both of his kids are there, but Philby came back from Chicago. So, they were talking today when I was over there today.

[55:15]

Lori said, this has been, because there were only... her and Alex and Sylvie and Alan's sister. And Lori said, you know, this has been an unbelievably spiritual period of time. And she said, I just wish I could have it and have Alan back. And have Alan back. So, and then Sylvie, when I went in this morning, I sat next to Sylvie, you know, I said, so how's it going? And She said, this is just a very sad day. So for me, that kind of told me that they're... No back. No, not coming back. Yeah, they're coming to terms. The family's coming to terms with it. Yeah, they're still scheduling it out, you know, us out to stay the night with them. But I think that probably either tonight or tomorrow morning, they're probably...

[56:20]

I'm guessing that they're probably going to talk to the doctors and figure out what they should do because his heart is beating. And his heart seems pretty strong because, you know, you can see all the monitors. Yeah. But his breathing, I mean, I think that if they took him off the ventilator, I don't think he could breathe on himself at this point. But, yeah, so he has not been conscious since, well, that morning or Thursday. Well, so many, you know, heartfelt feelings toward Berkeley Zen Center and toward Alan and his family. I mean, everyone's talking about it. It's just completely in everyone's mind to think about everyone and how they're doing and wish him the safest possible transition. And just to let me know, because the family has not quite come to that conclusion, I talked to Linda and Greg because I wanted them to know because I know they're not getting a lot of information. And what I said is that that he's not going to make it.

[57:22]

That hasn't been said publicly yet, and I think, you know, so hold that close. I will, although everyone I've talked to recently has said the same thing. Yeah. I mean, I think the feeling is he's not going to come back. Right, right. But I won't say that to anyone, that I got that information from anywhere. I'll just keep that to myself. Yeah, I mean, it's just because I'm afraid, just because there's been I mean, there's been so much misinformation. I know. Someone told me he had a heart surgery. I said, I don't think he had heart surgery. I think he had a heart attack after prostate surgery. Yeah. Not right after, but it was a result of whatever had gone awry with the prostate surgery. Right. Seems to have made, you know, this heart attack came on. Yeah. Well, and he's always had a heart attack. He's the oldest living guy. Yeah. No one in his family, the guys, have ever lived as long as he has. They've all had heart attacks. Yeah. Yeah. So he talked about that a lot.

[58:23]

He knew that that was it. And Genpo, his son, is now, you know, worried. You know, I mean, they're young. They're in their 30s. Yeah. You know, late 20s, 30s. But, yeah, and I just, because of all the different stories I've heard, I just, the idea of someone, calling up Lori and giving her condolences. That just sort of freaked me out. But I felt like there were some people that I wanted them to have. Yeah, no, I've been listening. And I saw Rusa today. She had also met someone who was from Berkeley. So, I mean, it's really on everybody's mind right now, thinking about Alan. And, you know... I mean, it's going to be in Berkeley right now. Who's going to be holding the space for the Berkeley Zen Center's process? Well, he named a temporary person.

[59:24]

But I don't know. Yeah. Well, before that, he named someone a year ago. Because when I was on the board, we said, you know, we said this would be good. And also knowing that he wasn't ever really that healthy. Yeah, right. That's right. So, you know, he named someone that would be temporary. And there's a lot of meetings going on and about, you know, like bringing in people from, you know, the Green Gulch or San Francisco, bringing some, you know, different people in for different times because, you know, I really don't think that we have anybody that can do the job. Who's ready to do it, yeah. Who's ready to do it. I really don't. But... You know, and it's that sort of, I hate to say this, but there's sort of that little ego ugliness that gets going. And we're already seeing a little bit of that with our ceremony tonight, with our New Year's Eve, you know.

[60:26]

Well, no, I should do that because. There's going to be a lot of shuffling that happened around anytime there's a transfer of power, you're going to get this kind of funny little... It's not exactly competition, but it's not exactly not. So, I mean, we're a little ahead of what needs to be said, so I'll just leave off there. But I just hope Berkeley gets the support they need to. I don't doubt that we will. I think you will. I mean, such good people on every side of the situation. And I mean, everybody's really shipping in. I mean, I didn't do a thing last night because we had plenty of people. You know, I think because it's New Year's, it's a little bit harder. So I think I'm going to be there from 2 a.m. to 8. Could you whisper to Alan that Fu sends much love and gratitude and appreciation and respect for him and friendship? Just sweet things that come to your mind. I would love him to hear that. I will.

[61:28]

I've done that for a couple other people. Thank you. You know, I mean, what I'm telling you is that we're here. You know, we love you and you've made a huge difference to so many people. And at some point, Alan and I had a conflict about a month ago. I had wanted to talk to you about because it was kind of major. But it's, you know, I mean, it's but it's been gone even before this. I mean, it's still sort of lingers, but it's I. After that happened and we talked, I just thought, you know, Dean, this is where you put your big girl panties on and, you know, everything is nothing and nothing is everything. It's just love. So I'm very, very happy that I have not, that I came to resolve. And look at you showing up. Yeah. I mean, that's who you are.

[62:29]

That's who you are. You show up. And that really matters. Yeah. So it's been interesting because of that. And we didn't ever have the last conversation, which was okay. Someone said, oh, I think you really have to talk to him. I said, I think we're good. It is just what it is. Well, that's it. If you know, go in there. And this whole thing is going to clear it even more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it will. It is done. Yeah, I'm so appreciative of Lori's generosity. She's letting everybody come over. She's not shut the place down at all. I mean, when I left today, there were probably 10 people in addition to the four family members there. So he's in Oakland? He's in Oakland. He's on the seventh floor at Kaiser ICU. And... Anybody can come in. They're limiting it to two or three people in the room with them at a time.

[63:32]

But anybody that comes, Lori's saying, do you want to go see Alan? And she's making sure that everybody gets that if they want it. And even overnight, we're making sure all the new people, because a lot of the new people are his students. And last night, it was all his new students that did the overnight shift. So, you know, we're going on. Good for them. Good for him for having done this heroic thing that was, I'm sure, was challenging. I mean, nobody wants that job. It's just the pits. But there's some higher calling. And Alan did it. You know, he did. He did. You know, he kept Berkeley's and Center together. He really did. He really did. Mel was not an easy act to follow. Mel was not an easy act to follow. That's a sweet picture of you, your Jukai. Mel, that is so sweet. It was so funny. Just grinning ear to ear.

[64:34]

I was so happy the whole time. I mean, I just could, and I sort of, I know that I'm happy at Jukai's, but when I saw that, I thought, oh my God, he's smiling really big. I'm smiling really big. Bika's smiling really big. Ryushin's smiling really big. Yeah, it was, I mean, it was laughing. Yeah, this is it. This is why we're here. Yeah, you know, when I gave the Jukai, Ying and Melissa, you know, I gave them a little laughing Buddha. And I wanted a laughing Buddha because that's what Jukai was for me. It was a place to just have fun. Yes. And then eventually I started even wearing my flaccus a couple of years later. So there you go. What's your Dharmon name? It is. Oh, it's wild bird. Open path. Wait a minute. Wild bird. That's good.

[65:35]

Wild bird. Open. Open path or open path sky. Well, that's where birds fly. Open path. Yeah. So that's what wild bird. Yeah. Yeah. That works for me. Yeah, yeah. He knew you. Off the rails. So anyway. Well, thank you. Thank you, Dean, for letting me know about what's happening. And I don't expect you to think of it. But if you do and you know more or he's passed, would you just? I will. I will. I'm sure I'm here, but I'm grateful to hear. Yeah, absolutely. I'll let you know. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, okie dokie. Thank you so much. Thanks, Serena. Is she there? Yeah, okay. She's always there. She's always there. Damn. Lucky, lucky. Did you get your haircut? Me? No, Karina. She's got her haircut. Oh, there she is. Oh, yeah. Come on, Karina. Let's see that haircut. The twins. Oh, my goodness. You're just going to confuse everybody there now.

[66:37]

Oh, God, they all look alike. It wasn't the picture I gave the hairdresser. I gave her a picture. With a lot, with long hair, down to here, kind of a little bubble. Seriously? No, it was short, but it was sort of a fringe and, you know, a little over the ears. And she went, okay, okay, okay. Not quite so much, Butch. That wasn't what you were planning on. This is a little Butch. I like it. It feels like me. It looks good on you. So there you go. I like it. I like it. It is me. We're not. That's right. She had the nerve to say it's short. It's like, hello? Are you kidding? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it is short. When I first saw it, I thought, did she have her hair back in a ponytail? She did. Yeah. Yeah. It looks good, though. I've got to tell you, it looks good. I don't envy you the winter with your open, exposed neck. I got some jackets and scarves.

[67:38]

There you go. And a big hat to wear until it grows. Yeah, you might need some sunglasses too. Okay, y'all have a good evening. Happy New Year. We're having a well-being ceremony at 8.40 tonight for Alan, just to let you know. Okay, y'all. Okay, I'll keep you posted. Take care. Happy New Year. Bye-bye.

[68:04]

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