Amen. Strict practice is not what we think it is. Strict practice is one which is rigorously honest. I know why I sometimes think I want strict practice. What I really want is everyone to appreciate me.

[01:10]

That's not strict practice. That's wanting the self confirmed. However, if you have two weakest self-image, it's very hard to be strict because you're already leveling yourself. You're already too critical. Sometimes people with that kind of stronger ego are easier to practice with because you can give them feedback without destroying them. Destroying is rather large. heavy language. In my practice, I found it easier to be, and sometimes useful, to be strict with myself, but very forgiving of other people.

[02:27]

Sometimes our tendency is to be very critical of others, and their practice is terrible. They don't do all this stuff. our own practice we don't look at so strongly. This is toward the end of the practice period. It's a time when many of you may be tired of leading your regular life plus during practice period. It's a time when maybe you'll miss class today or Maybe you'll sleep in. In strict practice, maybe you wouldn't do that. Or maybe you would. But you'd be honest about it with yourself. People complain about practice period because it's doing more than they usually do.

[03:33]

Which is true. But the reason to do practice, period, is to cut back on the things you usually do and add practice, not to do what you usually do and then, well, any practice doesn't fit in here so well. There are a couple of stories I'd like to read. This one is... Candy is the most important food. Someone asked Suzuki Roshi, do you have to give candy to your students so they will practice them? Do you have to give candy to your students so they will practice Zen?

[04:49]

Suzuki Roshi said, Everything that we do is candy. Candy is the most important food, actually. The questioner said, I don't understand. Suzuki Roshi replied, Without any actual activity, the first principle in Zen doesn't mean anything. We should help people, and what helps is candy. That's a teaching for someone who thinks that being strict is being mean, or teaching is being tough. There are many ways to teach. About the same time, Suzuki Roshi had a friend who was a Ota Sutra monk. And he visited him at Tassajara and he asked

[05:51]

is the future of Buddhism in America? Suzuki Roshi said, I don't know. The bishop asked, he was actually a bishop in that sect. He asked if Americans understood him. Suzuki Roshi said, whatever people understand is okay. By their free knowing, they will get it. Bishop said, Zazen is so uncomfortable for Westerners. Maybe there is some other way. Suzuki Rosh replied, that's all I know. That's what my teacher taught me. With faith, by their free knowing, they will get it. You know, sometimes...

[07:31]

we don't look like our practice is so tough. We don't even carry the stick anymore. As if that's the mark of where being toughest. But there's something we learn when we stop carrying the stick. It's that people stop falling asleep. When we carry the stick all the time, people rely on the stick to keep them awake. But when they didn't have the stick, they had to keep themselves awake. There are advantages to using the stick, but everything has two sides to it. There's another story about John Madden, the football coach.

[08:32]

He was at practice one day, and one of his defensive football players tackled the quarterback, which you don't do in practice because the quarterback is fragile enough. So he did it in John Madden. screamed at the player and tossed them off the field. In the next play, another player did the same thing. John Madden went ballistic. He said, why didn't you do that? He said, I wanted you to yell at me too. attention is not what strict practice is about.

[09:40]

And to be really strict, sometimes your temperament isn't so strict. My temperament isn't so strict. Sometimes I'm strict with myself, but I tend not to want to be strict with other people. But I have to be strict with myself and be strict with other people, particularly if they're my students. It's not that you're strict because you're mean and you just want to beat up on somebody. It's because the situation calls for it. Usually when people think they're being strict, they're going too far. And when people are lazy, they don't go far enough. It's my intuition that practice is about the smallest amount of change.

[11:01]

It's just very tiny. But most of the time we try to change a lot. and nothing gets changed. Or we resist changing, and nothing gets changed. In my class last night, people, at the end we kind of went around and said what we liked about the class or what we didn't like. What somebody noticed, everybody noticed what was said or something, but there was one person who noticed my attendant who was filling up with a glass of water. And he noticed that.

[12:06]

Which was kind of a neat practice It's not so much what we understand. It's what we do. You're helping me with my role. But too much time we're afraid of being criticized because we think there's something wrong with us. There's nothing wrong with you. That's why you need to be criticized. There's nothing wrong with you. Therefore, fine-tuning is very important. If you're a complete mess, then no one can say anything to you because it just confirms your opinion. You have to be strict with yourself and not be self-indulgent. I find that feedback works the best when it's completely integrated with the situation.

[13:27]

If I tell somebody something which they may or may not know, it can become just a kind of one-upsmanship. But if they really want to know and the situation is calling for it and they ask, then to say it in as mild a way as possible works. So I would suggest to you that you welcome feedback and comments. not because you're such a bad student or you're so pathetic, but because you have the potential to be Buddha. You want to pick up on all your shortcomings. It's not that your shortcomings are that prevalent.

[14:37]

Though I think it's in some ways we don't want to look at our stuff either because we think it's too overwhelming, or we don't want it just that pleasant. So we're going to go into Sashin, and I don't know if many of you may notice that older students, so people have done a lot of sashin. Just before sashin, they get a little nervous and a little happy. You get nervous because you're gearing up and happy because you're going to let go. Even if it's kicking and screaming to do it, it will. And when you

[15:44]

for a long period of time. You notice your resistances. And resistance, which is usually in charge, becomes just another factor. there's a point maybe some of you know in Sashin where you've calmed down and your breath has gotten very soft. And there's almost fear. You're almost letting go and there's almost fear of it. And either you

[16:49]

break through the fear and get very calm and serene. Or you give in to the fear and you struggle. And sometimes one happens and sometimes the other. Sometimes people wonder if we're strict enough at Zen Center or if we used to be stricter and now we're not. It's my intuition that it was always stricter. Buddha was always stricter. The past was always stricter. And in some ways there is...

[17:54]

evidence of that. But stricter isn't the way it looks. Stricter is meeting the truth. Stricter is just seeing things as it is, not the way you want it to be. Stricter is sometimes checker. You know, in Sashin, there's a lot of admonitions to push harder and try harder. And that's important to do. But there's a certain point in Sashin where you have to try softer. That's being strict.

[18:58]

And there's always a time in most people's practice where You're trying very hard and there's no positive thing in sight. It just seems grim. And you don't think anybody appreciates you. And you say, why am I doing this? Well, you're not doing it so that people will appreciate you. You're not doing it to get praise. You're doing it to accord with things as they are and be of help. And sometimes it's discouraging. But the need for your own

[20:18]

good strokes, is something that's a very human need. And it's not that that should be ignored. We're going to say the four vows after I finish talking. And the four vows are vows we take that we can't actually do them. But we don't give vows because we can do them. We do them because that's the way it should be. Being a teacher is important because you don't have to rely on your own mind exclusively.

[21:41]

I say whenever you really take complete responsibility for your practice, then you can have a teacher because the teacher then has something to work with. If you can't take responsibility for your practice, then there's nothing to work with. One day, I was Category Rashi's attendant, and in the days when I was his attendant, we often met in airports, taking him back and forth. He was going to Minnesota. And I asked him, there's something about Asian teachers. Now, I want to give a caveat about this story later, but There's something about Asian teachers. These are not so good Asian teachers. There's some kind of heart or faith or something.

[22:49]

That's what I want to learn from you. How can I learn that? And he said, but people see him. They don't see years he spent with his teacher just doing stuff. Going in the water, helping with the robes, carrying the incense. doing the doksan list. That intimacy. Now, I said that about Asian teachers, and at the time I think it was true, but I think it was more just a matter of years of practice because I see a lot of Western teachers have that heart and faith now. We didn't have it when we'd only practiced for 20 years. So it's interesting to notice what you want out of practice.

[23:59]

Why are you here? And you can say that Tenkin told me to be here. But that's not why you're here. And each one of you may have a slightly different story about why you're here. But at least part of the reason is it fills your heart. And you should remember that when you feel pressed and too tired and doing too many things in the day. And there's one more practice event or two more practice events.

[25:00]

This tradition is a very human one. We practice together. And of course, some of our biggest problems are with each other. We couldn't have predicted that all of you in this room would get together for any reason. Except practice. So sometimes you think that somebody is strict because they're mean. And they say, what about them? What about their shortcomings? Why are they talking about me? And there may be a point to that. But it's your job to take care of yourself, not to critique somebody else.

[26:16]

And it actually takes some courage to be a teacher and to lay yourself open by pointing to what somebody else might do. And of course, it's more effective if people know that you're working on yourself. No matter how far you develop, There's another layer of the onion to work on. So in 10 days, we're going to sit a sashim.

[27:56]

And we're going to be alone with ourselves. Not that. Yes, that. And what we can learn from sashim and from your life is courage. Staying with things even though they're not comfortable. Sometimes we say in practice to do the hard thing. For some people who have a habit of putting themselves down, little success is a good thing to do. you still have to eventually confront the darkness within you.

[29:10]

Or not the darkness. Some other word will do. The unexamined. That which we don't want to see. And we can take refuge in our fellow practitioners. To a large extent, I think we see each other pretty well. We see the tremendous amount of effort that goes into having a sinner. I mean, it's endless. from cleaning the halls to fighting the incense to cooking the meals to talking with each other and working out problems and finding a way to support this place and finding a way for each one of us to stand up

[30:43]

Face the truth. It's a great privilege to practice with you. And to ask the question, are we being strict enough? Probably the answer most of the time is no. But being strict when you can, when you see it. Being strict not as punishment or judgment, but just at pointing at what is. See, we have Bodhi Dharma on the altar.

[31:52]

Nine years facing a wall. He didn't have busy days. But he had to live with himself moment after moment without railing against the emperor or anything. He just had his own stuff to deal with. There's one story which I particularly like, which annoys a lot of people, which means that there's some truth to it, but it's maybe not universal, which is Isan Dorsey, great teacher, friend to many of us.

[33:34]

that each one of us gets what we deserve, whether we deserve it or not. It's not exactly that we deserve what we get, but if we think it doesn't have anything to do with us, Let's guess what we deserve, whether we deserve it or not. If you take things as something that is given to you, you can do something about it. If you're a victim, then there's nothing you can do. Except try to victimize other people more than you're victimized. I was talking to someone today.

[35:00]

He's a scholar and practitioner who's writing an article about Buddhism in America. Erase that one. There was another instance at Tassajara when there were Yasutani Roshi and a couple of other things that teachers were

[36:02]

And somebody thought that they would ask each of them what the future of Buddhism in America was. And Suzuki Roshi walked out of the Zendo. Control is another thing. Sometimes we use our understanding to control rather than to open up and let go of. In my classes, I found a new way, which is to have everybody express their truth and not move until we've thoroughly seen things from all angles. Then we can move on. It's not about some perfect understanding versus their other understandings.

[37:08]

So I started off, I think I started off my last lecture, which said, someone asked what the most important thing was. And he said, the first thing is to practice. The second thing is to practice. And the third thing is to practice. So we're at the right place at the right time. Please continue.

[38:02]

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