This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. My name is Hakusho and I'm the Tonto head of practice at Tazahara. I want to start by giving a special thanks for those of you who are come down just for a work period here to help us get Tassahara ready for our guest season and to take care of some sort of longer-term needs that we have for getting Tassahara more functional and safe and beautiful. Thank you all so much for your contributions. And in just a few days, We'll hold a service where we'll ceremonially open the gate to the monastery up there.

[01:03]

And that's marking the beginning of our 2019 Tassahara guest season. And so my initial thought had been to talk about Tassahara summer practice. But I don't want to get too far ahead of things, realizing that a lot of you will not. be here when we start the guest season. And also for those of you students who are staying, if my talk don't resonate now, then by the time summer rolls around, it'll be long forgotten. So I do want to try to speak about a core Zen practice that's available all year round, whether you're living at Tazahara or not. And that's a practice to avoid picking and choosing. or to not let our preferences blindly lead us around. So from the third Chinese ancestor, verse Faith in Mind, or the Sun Xin Ming, just the first few lines.

[02:18]

The great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent, everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinions for or against anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind. When the deep meaning of things is not understood, the mind's essential peace. is disturbed to no avail. So this just avoid picking and choosing. Great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. It's one of those easier said than done. One of the Zen paradox. And it's not an impossible proposition, actually. While we can't magically make our preferences go away,

[03:23]

we do have some choice in how to relate to them. And actually, our choices are bigger than what we tend to acknowledge. As I've been passing by the upper shack and all the work that's going on there, I've been reminded of The first time I did this transition, coming out of practice periods into work period and preparing for guest season, I was the head of the garden here a little over 10 years ago and sort of gearing up, going from relative stillness of practice period into busy activity, just like that. I was, I don't know what my projects were. They were probably not as important because I don't remember them, but I remember feeling busy and walking fast, and as I was coming to the staircase there, which I see all of you know as narrow, somebody else was in front of me and walking at a much slower pace, and I could feel the instant frustration there of being stopped in my tracks.

[04:48]

my mind going towards making the person the object of my frustration. And I think the months spent in silence and pushed to look at my own mind and its habits was crucial in helping to illuminate this process because it did become apparent to me several things. that my frustration was not actually helping me to get to where I wanted to go any faster. The blaming of the other person didn't feel good, nor was it really in line with how I wanted to live my life. And I could see how I'd been in this situation many times before, actually, that there was this kind of a knee-jerk response of annoyance and frustration which had been mostly unconscious, but it still seemed familiar in that moment.

[05:57]

Like, uh-huh. But the most crucial observation was that I became aware that I had a choice in this moment of how to orient my mind I could stay annoyed throughout the seconds it would take to walk up those steps, and I could continue being annoyed even after, possibly, or next time I ran into this person, or I could choose to regulate my walking, just slow down a little bit to be in sync with this other person's pace. which is what I did and I was surprised that my annoyance dissipated and it was sort of interesting, a little refreshing to do something a little differently than what I was habitually driven to do.

[07:08]

So even after they veered off to the kitchen and I went through the student eating area, I kept walking a little more slowly, just playing with that experience, seeing what it was like. So what I'd like to propose tonight is I think that we're living, all of us, within a larger culture that equates freedom with happiness, and this freedom being defined as something along the lines of the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. That is the ability to get away from what we don't like and to get to where and what we do like. And against this I want to contrast Zen monastic practice

[08:18]

which is often described using the metaphor of fitting a snake through a bamboo tube. It's kind of like my experience in that staircase. The constrictive elements that we find ourselves in can help to bump us up against our karmic conditioning. And if we can meet this experience with a certain degree of composure, we may discover that there are actually choices available and how to deal with these challenges that we didn't realize that we had before. And then in some cases, to exercise those choices may actually serve us better than our initial, what appears like the first and best and maybe only choice initially. It's only when that choice is taken away that sometimes we discover that there are other other things we can do.

[09:20]

It's similar for those of you who are carpenters. We're used to working in one shop or having a certain set of tools, and then you've got to try to do a project. When you don't have some of that, you've got to work around it, and you find something new. Sometimes it's kind of interesting, and you come up with maybe something even better, or learn something new through the experience. restrictive elements of Zen monastic practice there to hopefully work in similar ways to that. And so I'm talking about Zen monasteries as sort of particularly supportive places for this kind of alchemic practice of taking the limitations that we find ourselves in and finding freedom within those But ultimately, it's less important where we practice.

[10:23]

It's really about how we practice, how we come to discover the choices that are available to us right here and now, how we orient our minds in any situation, and to what extent we can let our deepest aspirations guide our choices. So freedom from the Zen point of view, or this is from Hakusho's point of view, really is less about being able to speak, act, or think as one wants without being hindered or restrained by external circumstances. And it's much more about discovering how our internal hindrances are causing us to wish to separate from the unwanted. and to not enact that desire for separation. Paul Haller touched on this in his talk when he was here last week about the mind without hindrance, Shoshin, what Suzuki Roshi translated as beginner's mind.

[11:41]

And so to practice residentially at Tassahara, is to voluntarily, although perhaps reluctantly, give up certain freedoms of choice, give up several possibilities of separating ourselves from what we don't like, and also to find that possibilities for upping the frequency of the things that we like are perhaps limited as well. So cut to Norman Fisher, who led the winter practice period. In his very last talk, after three months, we were almost on our way out. The last Sashin intensive retreat of the practice period a few days before brought up this topic of preferences.

[12:51]

And so after we've been sitting and spending time together, the same 60 or so people in this valley, following a relentless schedule, eating the food that's offered, and living and working and practicing with the same people, not necessarily who we choose or not. So approaching the end of the practice period, it's quite common and very tempting to start dreaming about the freedom that's out there, right? People report getting so distracted, just sitting, literally salivating, thinking about the meals they're going to eat on the other side of the mountain. So Norman just gave us a warning there stating that, actually, his words, the whole world is a monastery.

[14:00]

In ordinary life, You preserve the illusion of freedom and autonomy. It looks like you could fill your life with only the things that you love, only the things you want. You can create the illusion that you are in control of your life, that you can be happy this way. This illusion is totally destroyed in the monastery. There's no escape from time, being from the schedule, or other people. What are we going to do with this predicament? When I went out last week for trainings and I brought a couple of returning students back and a couple of new students back, one of them asked me what Tassahara was like at the moment. And I started talking about the weather and how incredible it's been that it's neither too cold in the mornings nor too hot during the day and how rare this is for Tassahara.

[15:12]

So even though I said I wasn't going to get too ahead of things, here's a koan that is perhaps more easily applicable at almost any time than right now, which is a popular Tazahara koan, case 43 of the Bluecliffe record, Dongshan's Cold and Heat. A monk asked Dongshan, when cold and heat come, How should one avoid them? Dongshan said, Why not go to a place where there is neither cold nor heat? The monk said, What kind of place is it where there is neither cold nor heat? Dongshan responded, When it is cold, the cold kills you. When it is hot, the heat kills you. So for those who come, paying guests to come to Tassajara, there's, if any of you are considering, I should add that there is a significant capacity to limit one's exposure to the extreme temperatures.

[16:27]

The dining room is nicely built to not get too hot in here, and the retreat hall as well, and one can sort of choose to spend, you know, his time at the bass and the creek and the pool as one likes. And for those of us who are working in the summer, we have less capacity to pick and choose. And similar during the cold, during the winter practice periods as well. But this koan isn't so much about relating to climate as it is about encountering the less than ideal, being with the unwanted and the limits of our control. any situation actually. And our habitual response of seeking separation in the face of the seemingly unpleasant is kind of what Dongshan was dangling in front of the monk when he's saying, why not go to a place where there's neither cold nor heat?

[17:32]

As long as we think separation from the unwanted is possible, then that's probably going to be the path we pursue. And we see this applied in all kinds of levels of our society, politics and example in the war metaphors that tend to be used in the war on terror, war on drugs, that if we can eradicate something, if we can defeat the enemy, then there'll be freedom and all will be good. And religious practice easily slip into this as well. Actually, if we're thinking that if we can only get to heaven or to nirvana, which will separate us, it will transcend this human messiness right here and now. That's, again, that's being driven by this desire for separation and belief that we can separate in some way. And as such, it's a faulty

[18:42]

pursuit. As the Buddhist teachings point to the futility of practice and separation, which might explain the often inadequate insulation of Zen monasteries. And again, Buddhist freedom is not about having the power to separate from the unwanted. It's rather to be found in the capacity of resilience to be with what is happening here and now. What's the point or benefit of staying present with what's happening? For once, as long as we're persuaded by what we like and what we don't like, crowding our minds and hearts with shallow desires, We're not leaving any real space for our deepest, most inmost requests to arise, to come to the surface for us to see and tend to be nourished by.

[19:57]

And through sitting silently in meditation, we get the chance to see how much of our life actually gets dictated by our preferences. and our apparent need to have them met, and how our tendency to fall into equating satisfaction of our preferences with happiness. And paradoxically, when we set our lives to have maximal level of choice, we're being dragged around by our karma in a free and unhindered way. We actually need some obstructions for the spiritual path. Some places in our life that require us to bring forth some discipline with which to meet a given situation. So in addition to inadequate insulation, we follow certain Zen forms.

[20:59]

For example, when we come to the Zendo, we walk in silence. step onto the walkway and we're deliberately walking quietly with our feet to not disturb others we place our hands in a certain mudra we step in with the foot closest to the hinge of the door there's a particular route and sort of path and moving in the zendo we bow to our cushions and to our companions and then we sit down and we place our body in a still upright precision. It's all kind of prescribed in limited ways, perhaps limiting from what we might think of as some authentic self-expression. And so we make an effort to sit like this for a specific period of time, and this is all a commitment not to act on our preferences

[22:08]

at least for that period of time. So when we renounce certain choices, certain options, and especially if we are encountering any challenges when doing so, we get pushed to respond in new ways. Again, kind of like my experience going up to the upper shack, There's an opportunity to discover this heavily underutilized freedom of choice that we do have, which is actually always there, whether we realize it or not, and that is the freedom of choosing how to orient our mind. back to the koan.

[23:15]

The monk said, what kind of place is it where there is neither cold nor heat? And Tosan said, when it is cold, the cold kills you, and when it is hot, the heat kills you. So part of the Buddhist... Monastic practice, let's say Buddhist practice outside of the monastery as well includes cultivation of this capacity to stay with what is happening. And the other part of finding Buddhist freedom lies in discovering that what is happening is actually not what we think is happening. When we orient our lives around our preferences, we get stuck in a limited view of ourselves.

[24:19]

We kind of close ourselves. So much of what I consider me has to do with, I'm a person who likes this, a person who doesn't like that, etc. And every time I go about arranging or rearranging my life, according to these preferences, strengthening the sense of me, of I. There's the thing, the object, the heat, the cold, or the person walking too slowly, and then there's the person, the me, the subject who has strong feelings about their object consciousness, and who tends to think they're in control or what they can take in and what they can't. Again, if we believe that we're fundamentally separate from the world around us, distance ourselves further from the unpleasant makes a lot of sense.

[25:27]

And so this is our go-to response when facing aversion. And if the Buddhist teachings are true, that we're not truly separate, from anything, then all these attempts are in vain and will at least cause us further suffering. Zen meditation can be seen as a way to act in accordance with our non-severateness in faith that we're interrelated to each and everything that we encounter. And by not following the urge to push something away or to pull something in, make it mine, we can explore the experience that we're having. Instead of trying to get a wedge in between my experience and the I, the object and the subject, it's about getting intimate with whatever's going on.

[26:43]

to be so intimate that there isn't breathing and a person, an eye, that's experiencing this breathing. There's not the aching of a body part and the eye that's experiencing this aching. It's not cold or heat out there. And an eye that's... is experiencing this cold and heat. There's not sound, the bird songs, the temple bells, the traffic, the creek, and the me, this person that's experiencing all these things. Instead, they're simply just breathing, aching, hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, feeling, thinking.

[27:50]

This is removing the separation that we set up. This is that when it is cold, the cold kills you, and when it is hot, the heat kills you. And so if you can enter fully into this physical experience, whatever's going on, heat and cold, aversion, fear, stress, annoyance, without constantly having our mind push something away and sort of say bad, bad, bad, or good, good, good, we may find that the situation that we're in is actually quite okay. at least a lot better than we initially thought. And so rather than using the metaphor of Zen practice as hitting a snake through a bamboo tube, I like the metaphor of this being a little more like a dance.

[29:07]

There's some rhythm and some movements we need to orient, you know, ourselves in harmony with, and to the extent that we try to ignore that and push through and do our own thing, it kind of feels unpleasant. It's kind of not so nice. And if we can give ourselves to that form fully, we might find some expression that's not our habitual self being enacted. It's something fresh and new and kind of lose ourselves. in that activity a little bit. There's a certain amount of yielding to the dance needed and dropping some sense of preference. And there's a certain kind of liberation that's being offered there as well. So just to close with

[30:15]

Some further words, some enormous last words in the same talk, talking about preferences again. He said, to have preferences, to really enjoy them, is best when you have the capacity to simply enjoy whatever comes, even if it's not what you prefer. When you can enjoy whatever comes, then you can really enjoy your preferences without the anxiety and grabbeness that is at the basis of them. That is the basis of them. And this is a wonderful blessing and a great way to live. Can't quite see the clock in the dark, but I think we've got a few minutes. Sorry? 8.35. 8.35. Okay, we've got 3-4 minutes. Any questions? Comments? Last quote.

[31:27]

To have preferences, to really enjoy them, is best when you have the capacity to simply enjoy whatever comes, even if it's not what you prefer. When you can enjoy whatever comes, then you can really enjoy your preferences without the anxiety and grabbeness that is at the basis of them. And this is a wonderful blessing and a great way to live. Yes? Is there any difference between that and this ancient manuscript of Desiderata that was discovered somewhere? Basically it says, Lord, please give me the ability to discern between what I can change and what I can't change and to accept that. Is this the same thing? I don't know if they're the same, but I certainly don't think they're in opposition.

[32:30]

I guess what I'm saying, I'm emphasizing the aspect of finding some peace with what we can change, and I think out of that comes we can engage in action to change things. that's not reactive, not trying to get away from something, but we can actually be more effective change agents when we have the capacity to be with what we might not choose to be with. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive.

[33:30]

Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving.

[33:40]

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