This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Thank you. I'm happy to be here. I welcome all of you really. I understand how complex it can be to just get here. Arranging child care or elder care or pet care and then navigating traffic and whatever you've driven in or ridden on and parking. I welcome you and thank you for your companionship today. And I'm also very aware that there are people listening remotely or watching remotely, some not very far away, just across the patio here in the dining room. There's a group of people who will be busy hosting tea and cookies and lunch.

[01:04]

They're workers. And they wanted to sit over there so as not to disturb this group in their activity of coming and going. That's not very far away, but there are people at greater distance that I also welcome. I know that people in Santa Cruz are attending. People in Humboldt County are in Central Coast, Oregon, in Washington State, Toronto, Montreal, New York, and New Mexico. So people, it boggles my mind to think of the technology of this and how we can simultaneously be present at such great distance. And then not only that, but those who might be listening or watching at a different time. And that boggles my mind even farther. So I welcome all.

[02:05]

And, you know, that's just what we do. We're welcoming and inclusive even when it seems inconceivable, even when it boggles our mind. I don't really need to say much more than that. But I will. Because the situation... calls for me to do that. We're welcoming and inclusive as an expression of our understanding of the Buddha way. That's what we do. The Buddha's teaching that we're not separate from anyone or anything at any time. The ten directions. And as we just raised our voices together, our waking up to the truth of the Tathagata's words requires of us that we live in accord with this. reality, the collective nature of reality. That sounds good in theory. And then we come up with the personal question of how exactly do I do this in my life?

[03:08]

And myself now as a disciple of Catherine Thanos, whose, I would say, life work was about being in the body in present moment awareness. How exactly do I do this in my life? So I hope that today's talk is honoring of Catherine's way in the body just this moment. We might think that we've come to practice for healing. I understand that a number of people are here for the first time today. I hope I don't lead you too far astray. We may come for healing or we may come to be more patient or more kind or more insightful or more something, anything to stop suffering. Or we come for liberation.

[04:11]

I'd like to make reference to something out of a book called Beyond Thinking. This has caused Tanahashi's translation and interpretation of some of Dogen's work. And this particular one is the teaching called One Bright Pearl. And in this teaching, Dogen is recounting a story that had occurred several centuries before in which a teacher... You know, I'm an old elementary school teacher. I have to use my hands. I should have sock puppets, but I don't. In this teaching, there's a teacher and a student. And the teacher is famous for having said multiple times, the entire universe in the 10 directions is one bright pearl. And at some point, a student approached and said, I understand that you say the entire universe in the 10 directions is one bright pearl.

[05:21]

How am I to understand this? And the teacher's response in the moment, yes. The entire universe in the 10 directions is one bright pearl. What do you do with your understanding? And it would appear that the teacher just posed another question. But actually, the teacher answered. So students, being as we are, we kind of sit on things for a while, a day or a week or 30 years. And you go, at some point, re-approach the teacher. And at this time, it occurred 24 hours later, within the same 24-hour period. Now the teacher is seeing that same student and poses. The entire universe in the 10 directions is one bright pearl. How do you understand this? And the student then, yes.

[06:25]

The entire universe in the 10 directions is one bright pearl. What do you do with your understanding? And there was a phrase of acknowledgement and a mutual bow. At this moment, the teacher and student do what we call exchanging faces, or what Catherine used to call mutual entrustment. So the basis of that story is really giving us direction to answer, how do I do this in my life? How exactly do I do this in my life? Dogen's commentary reads this way. The entire world in the ten directions means that you ceaselessly chase things and make them into the self. And you chase the self and make it into things. that gives us a hint at how the mind and body interact with the world.

[07:31]

This is an example of self arising out of interaction. It's not that self has inherent existence. It is rather that self arises in interaction with the world. Recognizing the truth of this is a liberation, actually. It's a liberation from subject-object thinking. It's a liberation of the self. It's a liberation from the self. And it requires of us that we make effort to stop objectifying. When there is no object, there is no subject either. Liberation occurs all by itself. This is an example of what Dogen called outside of words and letters. We recognize the activity of the mind as the activity of making objects.

[08:37]

So the zazen that we experienced down in the zendo not too long ago, and that I imagine many of you practice on a regular basis, the zazen is the experience of not acting upon the objectifying activity of the mind, staying with it. And it allows for a kind of deconstruction of subject-object. It allows for a deconstruction of concepts, of ideas, a literal deconstruction of constructs. So today's topic, as has been advertised, is the Dharma of Gender Identity. And you might be expecting that this is entirely about trans issues. And I'll get there. We'll get there. But it's a little bit like approaching a tea house. We get there by going not so directly. I also want to focus on just how do we work with identity at all.

[09:47]

you may think, you know, I don't know what the big deal is about trans issues that's trending right now. I've never really talked to one. I've never really met one. You can put that to rest because now you have. We are everywhere. You'll have a chance later to talk with the panel if you stay through this afternoon and become much more personal than this formal setting allows us to be So a little detour into identity. We practice zazen with the aspiration, the intention of arousing bodhicitta. Our self-centered interests just drop away, even if it's only momentary. We may intend to become more patient, more kind, experience less suffering, experience our suffering with less suffering.

[10:53]

But what is really happening is that we're connected. The connection is where this work happens. Illustrating our sense of connection, we have another teaching called the Song of the Jewel Mirror. In the first two lines, the teaching of thusness has been intimately communicated by Buddhas and ancestors. Now you have it, so keep it well. What is it exactly that we have? You know, it doesn't mean have like own or keep it well. It doesn't mean keep it. It means tend to it well, cultivate, maintain, that kind of keep it well. Another noble teacher from San Francisco Zen Center, Teigen, Dan Leighton, says it this way. The reality of suchness is not something that needs to be calculated or acquired.

[11:58]

It is already present, but needs to be personally discerned, realized, expressed, and maintained. It's not a passive existing in suchness. It is an active engagement. And Taigen goes on with the subtlety that is required and the inadequacy of language for conveying this, the verse then goes on to say, the meaning does not reside in the word, yet a pivotal moment brings it forth. So we have both the how do I understand this and what do you do with your understanding? Of course, every moment is pivotal. we live in the tension of that pivotal moment, always. There's one more thing that Dogen said about that.

[12:59]

If you do not want to inherit this expression, there may be a way not to do so. But even if you totally avoid it for a while, this expression arises all inclusively right now. we can ignore the truth of this both and living in the tension. And we can even pretend that it's not true, but that doesn't make it not true. So we don't have to look far for the intimately communicated. We just have to turn to each other and open. This connection actually leads to healing it actually leads to liberation. So it's not heal first, then be liberated, and then work for connection later on. But actually, the connection comes first. We make the effort to meet the conditions that arise before us, within us, in interaction with ourself and the environment.

[14:13]

We meet the conditions as a part of the conditions. and then we set the aspiration for the benefit of all beings. In a way, today's theme is about turning toward places that we may be unconscious. It could equally hold for other broad conversations that are active right now related to race, culture, LGBTIQ issues, class, level of education, home language, age, political affiliation, position in an organization. We spend a lot of energy trying to ignore or turn away from that which we don't want to see. People who seem to be different from us, we avoid or disparage. We put off work that we don't really want to do by noodling around on the internet.

[15:16]

So the first step is our zazen training, not turning away. Settling down, facing the wall, being with what arises. And facing the wall supports concentration. It's a literal and figurative way of turning towards stillness again and again. When we have the training of how to become still, we learn how to match our energy to the situation we're meeting, humbly, without asserting ourselves into the picture, just meeting, just exchanging faces in every potential pivotal moment. And then, of course, not just first step, but second step, choosing what to emphasize, choosing what to turn towards. This is again the tension of living between or in the tension of how do I do this?

[16:21]

What do I do with my understanding? That very place is where we work. So we choose what to emphasize, we choose what to turn towards. With our Soto Zen training, we begin to notice a gap in the action. Things are not happening perhaps quite as automatically as they once did. And then we can actually see, instead of just participating in a march of any kind, pride, this day, as an ally, we might be saying in such a circumstance, oh, these people are just like me. They want to be loved, they want to be accepted, they want to have the same rights, you know? And that's not untrue. But we could also say, hmm, these people are not like me at all. I see this expression of living newly.

[17:22]

I see a different way of being with each other. Something opens. Then we get curious, and we're free of any earlier constraints that we might have had, and identity takes on a new dimension. We learn how to live in, rest in, in awareness, even when activity is very fast. We're able to become kind of unperturbed and settle into any circumstance, even those that are difficult or confusing, without boxing each other in or boxing each other out. A good friend of mine said this way, sometimes we have to get in the box in order to explode the box. So I'll do that briefly right now. The last time I spoke about my gender with anyone was in dokasan, which is the word we use for formal practice instruction or practice conversation.

[18:36]

And this is someone who I had had an informal relationship with up until the time that they asked for an appointment. And this person comes into the area. We bow in and greet each other in the formal way. And she sits right down and says, I heard you're transgender. Is that true? And I said, yes. Is there something about that you'd like to talk about? No, I'm good. And then the conversation continued as usual, about practice issues and sangha issues. And then in the last five minutes, does this happen to any other teachers? I bet it does. In the last five minutes, the real concern comes out. Sometimes I'm tempted to say, you know what, you've got five minutes.

[19:39]

Let's get to it. So, five minutes to go, and she says, I have to say, you're not going to make a very convincing woman. So I had a reaction, and it gave me pause. For example, that, you know, transition is not about convincing anyone of anything. But once I stopped letting my mind quack, I actually heard what she said. And then I was able to say, you know, you're right. I wasn't a very convincing woman even when I was a woman. And I could practically watch this person's mind explode. So you may start with the compassionate sensibility of, you know, trans people are just like me.

[20:54]

They want to be loved and respected and included just like anyone else. And yet, our view of the world is not the same as most. You may be asking yourself questions, people often do, about breasts and genitals. And you know, doing this just reinforces the habit of mind that men are away and women are away. So it's not wrong to ask a question such as that. I don't mind talking about junk, you know. But it's just a limited view of what gender is. So you can just let your mind be blown. Just let it explode. Drop the construct that you might currently hold. Drop the objectification. You may be surprised at the liberation, the openness, the open heart that emerges.

[22:00]

It accompanies this warm-hearted intention to be welcoming and inclusive, even when it appears to be completely inconceivable. Working with the question of gender for some people is as if gravity stopped working all of a sudden, as if I could walk upside down on the ceiling. It's that fixed of a notion. And people freak out when we challenge the gender construct because it challenges their sense of reality. Like, if gender can change, there's nothing to rely on. And that's true. There's an entire teaching about nothing to rely on. And a crescent at that, for those who are familiar with it. So the accompanying freakout or existential crisis is not caused by my gender identity.

[23:10]

It's caused by clinging to a construct about gender that is not offering you a complete picture. So we can say, upon meeting a trans person or a gender neutral person or a non-binary person, instead of freaking out, thank you for this pivotal moment. Gratitude arises and the heart opens. Oh, I see. Thank you for revealing the limitations of my mind to me. Each moment of returning to consciousness offers a moment of freedom. Space opens. Meet each person this way. Who are you? What complexities of your life are not immediately apparent? Why would I be thinking you should be some other way? There's a teacher in the early years of our practice named Ikkyu.

[24:14]

Probably you've heard of him. He's known to be quite bawdy. That'll be enough to say about him for now. And he has a poem that goes like this. Don't worry, please. Please, how many times do I have to say it? There's no way to not be who you are and where. So if you learn anything from my life from this talk, please be ready to not but... believe what you believe at this moment. What you know or what you think you know may be momentarily true, but a little investigation always reveals that there's more to this picture. The living in the tension of, how do I understand this, what do I do with my understanding, brings curiosity, investigation, and openness.

[25:21]

This is the natural flow of living in that tension. I ask that you hear this and you turn it around to loving kindness for all. I specifically ask this for me personally. Please do not begin to refer to me as the trans teacher. Please continue to refer to me as you always have and just now knowing that my life is more complex than you might have imagined. One of the facets that we consider when we weigh delusion is that all of our minds are always deluded because mind is simply incapable of comprehending the whole mutually inclusive conditioning now. So it matters where we each choose to focus.

[26:22]

where we each choose to focus with the whole self, not just the mind self. Responding skillfully to the so-called other actually has an effect on the present mutually conditioning moment itself. Here's another intention that I have for today. I'm a retired public school teacher. There were many... I spent 37 years teaching in the public school system in Santa Cruz County. And there was a period of time in that span of time when I thought I was leaving teaching. I couldn't deal with the bureaucracy for a while. So I became trained as a cabinetmaker, and that was when I was still female-bodied. The cabinet-making class occurred on a high school site in the shop class.

[27:27]

Adults could go. And there were girls in the shop class. And you could guess, based on my age, that that felt pretty cool. There was a time when I was young that girls were not allowed to take shop and much rather steered toward what was called then home ec. So here are these girls in the shop class, young women, really. And I wanted them to understand, how cool is this that you can take shop? I really wanted them to get it. And they looked at me like, what? And then I tried again. I really want you to understand the whole feminist thing. And it's true that that's important. But at that moment, it wasn't important. What I got was, to them, it was no big deal. And how cool is that? That they never had a concept that it had been any other way.

[28:33]

So, related to ourselves in this institution and in the broader and broader sangha, it's my intention that the next generation of trans people who show up will do like that. What? that it's never been any other way. It's always been welcoming. It's always been inclusive. Not a surprise. This is just how it is. And this generation sets the foundation for that to occur one generation from now. Not so long. Now that I'm on the early feminist dates, there's an old song. I think it's Holly Near that... It's a conversation, hear my puppets again. It's a conversation between an older woman and a younger woman. And the younger woman is saying, how did you stand it? It's the lyrics of a song, but basically, how did you stand it being so oppressed?

[29:39]

And the older woman in the lines of this song says, if I had not suffered, you wouldn't be wearing those jeans. Being an old time woman ain't as bad as it seems. It's another example of next generation. Oh, we are called upon to give thanks to those who did the work before, if we're aware of the work that happened before. So each one of us can take this up as part of our path. Meet each person this way. Who are you? What complexities? are hiding just under the surface there. In what ways can I support you to express yourself completely? This very activity of engaging with each person this way is the path of healing. It is the path of liberation. It is the path of connection.

[30:44]

In a little bit we'll have a... over in the dining room to have a little bit of interaction. This often feels so formal and distant. I look forward to a little bit more conversation with you all. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[31:29]

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