Good morning. Good morning. I appreciate all of you being here today. Thank you. My name is Jordan Thorne. I'm a priest here at the Zen Center. I want to talk today about Zen meditation. I want to talk about Zazen. And as a kind of preface or related connection to my wanting to talk about Zazen, I also want to say that this evening here at the city center, many folks, a number of folks, are going to begin a seven-day retreat, seven-day what we call sishin.

[01:09]

And, well, we have sishins here at the Zen Center on some regular basis. This particular one, held at this particular time of year, is held in honor of what we consider to be the anniversary of Shakyamuni Buddha's awakening. And in the Japanese Ascent tradition, this end-of-year sushin in honor of Buddha and his awakening is called the Rohatsu Sushin. And I can say... This rohatsu sushin is a kind of big event in Zen. Maybe not every Zen center, but most Zen centers take this time to focus on the practice of zazen, sitting together as a group in silence.

[02:16]

And this commitment to sit for at City Center, what would be a week, is in some way a gesture of respect for Buddha's awakening, but also it's intended not just as an homage to way back when something happened then, but it's intended as an encouragement for us right now to personally experience Buddha's awakening, to personally make real and be touched and be connected to, in our own life, Buddha's mind. The word rohatsu, which we use to describe this sushin, I believe in Japanese, I think it means eighth day of the twelfth month.

[03:36]

And actually our sushin is going to end on December 5. So maybe it's not technically rohatsu sushin. But to be honest, we don't really know for sure when Buddha woke up. just like we don't know for sure that Christmas is the birthday of Christ. And in accordance with our local calendar and paying attention to weekends here in San Francisco, we've scheduled it right now. Anyway, there is a big long retreat starting tonight here at City Center. There are people who commit themselves to silence and to some extent a constraint of their discretionary activity.

[04:45]

And as I look around, actually I think most of the people in this room are actually not doing Rohan Tzu Sicheng. Some of you, but most of you not. And I wonder, I don't just wonder, but I would like to say that I think that the intention and practice that we take up during this sishin is not something irrelevant to everyone's life. It's not just for people who can, for instance, take seven days, starting tonight. Because, not um, for sure, we all have, everyone here in this room, have an opportunity to practice, to understand how our life can best become big and open.

[05:49]

And in... A very real way, actually, the type of specialized schedule we follow in Sushin is a kind of, excuse me for saying this, is a cheap trick. We create this unique, special environment. But actually the great thing about Sushin is that it ends. And everyone in Sushin is going to come back. to the same sort of life that all of you and all of us share, a complicated life. The practice, so one of the things that happens in Sashin is that everyone has a chance to sit a lot of zazen, everyone in it. And zazen might seem like a kind of special form For instance, during the rohatsu sushin, there will be someone... Is this too loud?

[07:08]

Because I feel I hear an echo. I wonder if it should be a little quieter. There will be, during the sushin, someone who will ring a bell to begin a period of zazen. And we might think, oh, now we have started this zazen. And then there will be somebody who will ring a bell to end Zazen. And we might think, well, now, I'm not sitting Zazen. But this sort of perspective is, I modestly say, this perspective is something called wrong view. These bells and a schedule that we might follow during Rahatsu is simply skillful means.

[08:09]

One manifestation of upaya, of skillful means. They give us a way, some of us sometimes, a way into practice, but to mistake it for practice would be like... pointing our finger at the moon and thinking the finger was the moon so how do we see the moon without a finger or with a finger this practice period that there has been a practice period that has that is nearly reaching its conclusion. End of next week will reach its conclusion. And during this practice period, we have made a special study, a special investigation of Suzuki Roshi's teachings.

[09:14]

We've been reading Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, and we've been discussing quotes of Suzuki Roshi that seem helpful. And I want to say some things. I want to describe an anecdote about Suzuki Roshi. And mostly I'm going to do this by using a story that another person had, the experience of someone, not myself, the experience that this person had with him, with Suzuki Roshi. And this particular person who I'm going to kind of recount an anecdote of is a man who, a Japanese priest who came to around the time Suzuki Roshi did to San Francisco. His name was Reverend Ugui. He was a Jodo Shin priest. In other words, he was not a Zen priest. And he was 20 or so, maybe more years younger than Suzuki Roshi.

[10:16]

He was a very new priest. He had been the son of a minister in Japan had gone to a Buddhist university in Japan and had been assigned to one of the Buddhist churches of America temples in California. And for Reverend Ugui, coming here to America was a big challenge for himself. He said, When I was assigned to the Buddhist church, I worked with other Buddhist ministers in the congregation, which was mostly Japanese-American, and I was obligated to conduct memorial services and funeral services most of the time for Japanese and Japanese-Americans. I thought I understood the Dharma, but I really didn't understand much because I had lived, he, Agui,

[11:22]

Reverend Agui, had lived within a tradition without critical questioning. I lived along with traditions and rituals, but when I was asked questions, I couldn't really answer them here in the United States. It made it difficult for me to continue as a Buddhist minister. And also, another part of this was that while he had received a degree in English in Japan, he found living in America that his English was... actually rather poor. It was difficult for him to speak to people. So he said, I ran away from Los Angeles as a consequence of this. I was arguing with the head minister of my temple. I ran away from Los Angeles to come to San Francisco, was 23 years old. And at that time, Suzuki Roshi would sometimes stop by the bookstore where I worked.

[12:24]

And he started talking with me. He saw my frustrations. He saw that I had lost my confidence. And he said, come, come to Sakoji, which was in Japantown at the time, Zen Center over in Japantown. He said, come to Sakoji and sit with me. It might help you. So I started going to Sakoji on Bush Street. I started talking. to sit Zazan with Suzuki Roshi. And then he says, this was a time when the hippies had started to come. It was an exciting time. So many funny things happened. One time, a young girl came to Sukoji Temple, and she was wearing only a net dress. It was made from a tennis court net. with a mesh that was two inches square. It was made very carefully. It fit her quite well.

[13:26]

The only problem was she was basically naked under it. She went in and sat Zazen, and it was sitting well before the period was started, and Suzuki Roshi and Kategori Roshi were standing at the door to their office and looking into the Zendo. Suzuki Roshi said, Ask Kategori. He said, what should we do? And Category Roshi said to him, I don't know, I don't know, what should we do? And then Suzuki Roshi saw me over in the corner and he said, ah, Ogui, you should go over and speak to her. So I went up to her and I told her that the teacher would like her to wear more clothes in consideration of the others in the Zendo. And when I said this, she was very sad, and she said to me, but this is my best dress. And when I told Suzuki this, he said, well, I guess she's showing respect.

[14:37]

So, continuing with his story, he said, Even though there was something happening for me in my zazen, something that was positive in my zazen, I still, I couldn't really build up any confidence in my ministerial life. I was very unsure. And I was always thinking of going back to Japan. And while I was in this depressed state of mind, I listened to a talk. that Suzuki gave, a lecture to his English-speaking students. He said something then that struck me, that made my ministerial life change, so that I wished to continue here in America. Sometimes, as Izugui's anecdote, sometimes Suzuki would use a little Japanese along with his English.

[15:45]

to help him think, I guess. At this time, he started talking and walking in front of the people. I think at that time, people sat in pews, and Suzuki Roshi spoke from the front of the room while standing. It appears that. At this time, he started talking and walking in front of people, moving back and forth slowly and steadily, and he said, today... Today, vajana. Today, vajana. And today, vajana. This is an explanation. Today, vajana is the subject. And jana, which I hope I'm pronouncing right, is like is with emphasis. So today, vajana. Today, vajana. Today, vajana. Izu means, it's just the Japanese way of saying is.

[16:49]

Today is yipari, which means absolutely. Today is yipari today. And he said, today is today. And then he walked slowly and steadily in front of us and he said then, today is not yesterday. Today is not yesterday. And then, walking back and forth, speaking in that same tone of voice, he said, today is not tomorrow. And then he walked up to one of the persons sitting in the front seat. And he grabbed this person's neck and shook him and said, do you understand?

[17:51]

Do you understand? And then he straightened up and smiled with his entire heart and said, today is absolutely today, not yesterday and not tomorrow. That is all. and left. Went wherever he goes after the lecture is over. And Reverend Agui says, after this I couldn't even stand up. I was shocked. I was caught. I thought to myself, what have I been frustrated about? Because my English is not so good? This talk of Suzuki Roshi's maybe used 10 words. And he realized at that time the problem he was facing was not about vocabulary, but it was about his, as he says, his hurrah, his spirit.

[19:12]

And at that moment, I realized that I was not discouraged because of ability or understanding the Dharma or because of vocabulary, but I was discouraged because something was lacking in my mind. And this turned my frustrated life into being more alive, allowed me to stay. This keeps me going even today. Reverend Agui, who tells that story, still lives in San Francisco, I think, after being assigned to various churches around the country. He lives in San Francisco, and he's the head of the Jodo Shin School in the United States. So today is absolutely today. It's not yesterday.

[20:17]

and it's not tomorrow. This is one kind of zazen instruction. A zazen instruction which we can take with us when we're not in the zendo, and also when we're in the zendo. Do you understand? So, zazen... Zen meditation begins with a simple moment. We might, one way to do it, is we sit down and we turn away from the crowd. We might turn away from a crowd of people or we might turn away from the crowded thoughts in our head. And we see if it's possible to face ourself. and who that person is.

[21:19]

Making this effort to sit down, turn around, and face herself, it can be confusing. It can be embarrassing. It can also be a moment of revelation. The reason that zazen, meditation, is satisfying, if it is satisfying, is the same reason that it's difficult and awkward. Because in zazen and in our life, there is nowhere that we can hide from ourselves. We can try and hide. But really, there's nowhere to hide from ourself. And in Zen practice, one of the, well, instead of having some object of worship in Zen, we just concentrate on the activity we do each moment.

[22:40]

Of course, sometimes we do other things. But concentrating on the which we do each moment, this is how we understand that today is absolutely today, that it is not yesterday and not tomorrow. And what is, I think, special, tricky, special, but what is special about this is we do do not know that we're succeeding in our effort in order to be transformed by it. It can actually feel like we are failing and still. Our life has changed. So this coming week of meditation is dedicated to Shakyamuni Buddha's awakening under the bow tree.

[23:43]

maybe 2,500 years ago. And when Buddha, this first Buddha or the seventh Buddha or whatever place we want to put him in the sequence of Buddhas, this Buddha, when he was sitting in meditation under the boat tree before he had this transformative great awakening, it wasn't necessarily an easy thing for him. he says about himself that he sat there and was full of doubt, was besieged by questioning spirits. But I think it's important to look at Buddha's practice and realize that at no point while he sat,

[24:47]

in his effort to wake up, did he need to get up and go somewhere else to get something extra to finish his training. He had everything he needed right there, as he sat by himself. And this is true for all of us as well. We have what we need to practice already. And while it's true, I believe I will say, I'm going to state categorically, it is true that we have everything we need already. I also want to say that it's necessary to make an effort. And it's necessary to pay attention to our actions, or carefully pay attention to our actions, and to have in our heart a vow

[26:02]

to not just wake up ourselves, but to wake up our friends. And while we might have this vow, and it might seem that we are failing, the vow itself is a great success. So, Buddhism is a teaching that is founded on awakening. But it also includes the fact of our delusion, of our confusion. And Zen practice is actually quite pragmatic. Maybe other many practices might be pragmatic. It's not a teaching about purity, about how to be pure. It is rather a teaching about how... in the midst of the muck and the compost of our life, to realize today is today, not yesterday.

[27:15]

On another day, Suzuki Roshi said, to the assembly. He said, in its wide sense, everything is a teaching for us, the color of the mountain, the sound of the river, or the sound of a motor car. Each one a teaching of Buddha. Then on another occasion, he said, people don't realize how selfish they are. I wonder what does he mean by selfish? I heard an anecdote about a American Zen teacher named Bernie Glassman, Tetsugan Bernard Glassman Roshi, student of Maizumi Roshi.

[28:28]

And what I heard was that Bernie Glassman was at a recovery meeting. And one of the things that happens there sometimes is people will introduce themselves and say, I'm so-and-so, and I'm an addict. And maybe it's an alcoholic or whatever. They describe themselves honestly. And Bernie raised his hand, and he said, my name is Bernie, and I'm addicted to myself. And my name is Jordan, and I'm also addicted to myself. I offer these, what I hope are helpful words, but I also acknowledge and say that it's very hard to not see what happens from the perspective of how it affects us, me, how it affects me.

[29:35]

And what we imagine our life to be is usually so compelling that we take it as the truth. And what we imagine our life to be so often includes yesterday and tomorrow. And when it's about today, it's actually about today in a few minutes. I can smell the fresh bread coming into the Buddha, the lovely smell.

[30:50]

So one of the most consistent ways that we look at our lives, our individual lives, is by relating what happens throughout the day only towards how the events of the day impact ourselves. In doing this, when we do this, which is such a natural thing to do, in the smallest instant, in the very beginning, in the seed of this type of perspective, our whole reality narrows, actually.

[32:12]

The big heart that we might have from the effort to just simply feel the today is absolutely today, contracts. And in this contraction, uncomfortable small things can become huge. It can bring us fear and discomfort, unhappiness. The fact that our car won't start is a cosmic statement. So Zazen can be a sort of medicine. The practice of Zen meditation, of meditation of Zazen, can be a sort of medicine that shows us how much we live in the world of our selfish awareness. Because while Zazen is the non-dual Dharma gate of repose and bliss, it is also the frontier of

[33:23]

our painful experience about who we are and how limited our thoughts are and how we really actually are selfish. Or maybe not selfish. So practicing zazen, we have the opportunity to learn how to do one thing completely. And it might be that we may use the device of trying to do one thing, which is follow our breath, follow our breath, follow our breath, keep coming back to our breath. But from this effort of doing one thing, we are constantly falling off the side and then coming, bringing ourself back. And when we fall off to the side of our breath and then bring ourselves back to our breath, we might have the intimate experience that meeting one person is actually meeting everybody.

[34:56]

We might have the, for instance, in a sashin, when we are so careful and we bow to our gushin and then away and then sit down and turn around and face the wall. In these relatively simple actions, relatively simple actions that in some ways are a constraint upon our just doing anything we want, There is a right way to turn clockwise when we sit down. Not counterclockwise. We're not both either way, willy-nilly. There is a way to sit down in the zendo. There's a way to hold our hands. There's a way to hold our body. Entering into the constraint of these ways, entering into this simple simple behavior that's allowed when you follow those directions.

[36:04]

There is a way, actually, to feel our heart open up wide. It's almost a kind of paradoxical experience that by not moving, we feel that we open and connect to everybody. through being still in zazen, we might be able to open a door in our heart to a very large space. We might be able to. And this kind of large space... is something which we need.

[37:08]

The kind of large space that we need is found in Rohatsu Sashin through the instruction that we don't look around and talk to other people. Now, this wouldn't be forever in our life necessarily a useful instruction. It's actually good to talk to people. We need to connect to people. But for a time, for a period, for a day, for a week, to enter into the restriction of just simply taking care of yourself, we can create a lovely distance from those around us. And we can give those people around us that same lovely space for their own personal discovery. which might be that they're bored, which might be that you are bored.

[38:12]

What does that mean, that you're bored? When we learn to trust our situation, when we learn to trust our intention, along with that trust, there might be a sense or an understanding that

[39:19]

The problems of our life are not really problems, but rather they are opportunities. This is important, but it's not an easy thing to remember. It's not an easy thing to unpack. There is an instruction in Buddhism, in Zen, that says, this very mind is Buddha. that? Really so. This very mind is Buddha. Making this truth personal, that this very mind is Buddha, is the fruit

[40:23]

effort of our life, of our intention. And it is a fruit that is ripening in all of us, yet one which is harvested, one which is experienced more intimately when we make an effort. to harvest it. So today is absolutely today. What more do we need to know? This is a simple truth that's also difficult to accept. Today is not yesterday. Today is not tomorrow. Though the daydream we carry, each of us, within our hearts and minds of what our life is, is attractive, I ask you, what lesson is a dream that we don't wake up from?

[41:54]

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