This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning, everybody. Welcome to San Francisco Zen Center on this beautiful spring day. Um... My name is Jordan, Jordan Thorne. I'm a resident at the Zen Center, a student here, a priest here. And it's my pleasure and my challenge and my task to say some things to all of you today. I'm happy to be here and also I want to acknowledge that the pleasure of this opportunity is also balanced by a sort of like, it always happens for me.

[01:08]

It's not exactly stage fright, but like, okay, what do I, you know, I think I know what I'm going to say, but how will it be? And is it worthy? So, wish me luck. Sometimes I think, that if I could just have the perfect first sentence, the rest of the Dharma talk would just follow. In the same way, if I could write the first sentence of a book, the great American novel would come forth. There's a teacher, a Zen teacher named Kategori Roshi, and he was very important for San Francisco Zen Center. He came from Japan in the 60s and helped Suzuki Roshi start this temple. And he has several books, and the title of one of them is You Have to Say Something. Something.

[02:15]

I think I can hear him whispering, you have to say something more. So here I go with something more. So I wonder, there's a little bit of a reverb. I wonder if that's part of the sound or adjustable, yeah? Well, don't worry, I'm not worried about it, but I just can hear it myself. So I wonder what brings us together in this room on this day, this corner of Page and Laguna Street. I wonder what the common thing that has moved us each and all, some of us friends, many of us strangers, what has brought us here together today on this Saturday at the San Francisco Zen Center.

[03:27]

And I wonder, but also I have a thought, I have a feeling, which is that we are all of us here today because we are enlightenment beings. We are bodhisattvas. We are launched on the path of waking up. Each one of us, individuals with separate lives who share separate intentions, but we have this... enormously significant common fact, which is that we are stepping in to the way of liberation. Otherwise, why would we be here today? Otherwise, why would we go to Safeway? The rest is not just for us. This is where everyone is going. I think this is true.

[04:36]

I think it's useful to be reminded of it. I think it's helpful for me to say it about myself. That's why I'm here today. That's what I think we are here today together to investigate and develop. Kategori Roshi, who I briefly mentioned a moment ago, he wrote a poem about practice called Peaceful Life. And in that poem, there's a few lines, he says, knowing how to live, knowing how to walk with people, and demonstrating and teaching, this is the Buddha way. Knowing how to live, knowing how to walk with people. and demonstrating and teaching this is the Buddha way.

[05:36]

What does it mean to know how to live? What does it mean to know how to walk with people? human lives has a rhythm. Our lives have a rhythm. Our life has a rhythm to it. And most of us are born and we're sort of innocent and sweet at that moment. As we get older and more complicated, We discover we can be independent. We discover the fundamental, one of the many fundamental delusions that we can be independent. We discover that we can make choices that we think will make us happy. And at some point we might even discover that our life has become complicated.

[06:56]

So complicated that We find ourselves here today at the San Francisco Zen Center, wondering if we could make it somehow simpler. A Wednesday evening, I was over in the Marina District. It was near the Bayfront. And in this neighborhood, Page and Laguna, on this particular corner, it was a little bit foggy. The sun wasn't bright. In a lovely way, as I got closer to the waterfront, the air cleared, and as I stood right there at the edge of the San Francisco Bay, I could look over and I saw the Golden Gate Bridge was brightly lit by the evening sun, and the Marin headlands were illuminated, the beautiful Marin headlands illuminated for me to look at.

[08:03]

Sailboats. The bay was full of sailboats dancing across the water. And I thought, what a beautiful world we live in. What a beautiful, wonderful world we live in. And I also, at that moment, thought, it's not just a beautiful world when you're looking at the Golden Gate Bridge. It's beautiful everywhere. All the time. We're fortunate, I believe, to be alive. To be alive in this world of causes and conditions and trees and fog and motorcycles that make noise as they drive by. What a blessing. This human life experience is a

[09:08]

our gift that we've received. And we can just leave it at that and accept it and be grateful for it, but somehow it just seems to get complicated. You know, as I stood there looking at the bridge in the evening light, also I stood there with everything, all of my tendencies and all of my internal stories, they were there with me as well. For a moment I kind of like let them go behind me, but you know, you take another step forward and then these things come forward with us. And I felt that on Wednesday evening, looking over the bay, and I thought that the beauty of the world is a mouth of a labyrinth. that we step into it, and so easily we find ourselves not sure where we are.

[10:16]

Even with our GPS systems, we can find ourselves lost. Bernie Glassman is a Zen teacher, a student, a successor of Maizumi Roshi, and at one point in his... I read this, I wasn't there. But at one point, Bernie attended a 12-step meeting. At some point, he stood up and introduced himself, and he said, Hello, my name is Bernie, and I'm addicted to myself. And when I read that, those words, I thought, yeah, I understand. I could say the same. My name is Jordan, and I am fill in the blank. Addicted to myself.

[11:29]

Somehow I don't think I'm alone. And of course, that's the work of Buddhist practice, to loosen this identification we have with what I might even call the daydream of ourself. This imagination story that we tell about who we are. And we often don't share it with other people, but we carry it in our heart. This is who I am. This is so compelling that in various ways I think we can take it as the solace of our life.

[12:32]

And there is a metaphor in practice called waking up. This is one of the many things that we need to wake up from, this daydream. So, we, almost by dint of living in San Francisco in this time, we have many blessings. We may not feel that we're particularly financially well-off, or we might think so. But I think we all have, in this room, what do I know? Maybe not. Shelter, food, hopefully someone who cares for us. And what I want to say is that when we have those things, there still is a fact that

[13:38]

that something is missing, or can be. The founder of this tradition, perhaps, Shakyamuni Buddha, lived a life of privilege. He was a much-loved child of parents of a family that had stature and resources for that time and that place. And yet, he realized there was something missing. that it wasn't the stuff he had that was gonna help him, it was how he understood who he was. And of course, he left home and he wandered, and for the longest years, he didn't quite figure it out. That's helpful to hear that because I think we all need to know, when we start off on this journey, don't get discouraged when it takes some years.

[14:45]

Don't get discouraged when it takes some time. Because it's not an easy task. At the Zen Center, when someone says, I'm going to tell you a story from 800 years ago, it's very often about Dogen Zenji, who lived that many years ago in Japan. But here's a story from 800 years ago in Italy. A poet named Dante wrote something called The Divine Comedy. And the opening lines of this magnificent journey chronicle of a journey. The opening lines were, in the middle of the road of my life, I awoke in a dark wood and found myself entirely lost.

[15:48]

In the middle of the road of my life, I found myself in a dark wood. I awoke in a dark wood and found myself lost. It sounds kind of like too bad. That's unfortunate. You know, middle of your life and you wake up and you're lost, but actually that's the start. If we're lucky, if we're lucky, we might one day wake up in the middle of the road of our life and realize that we're lost. And we'll be even luckier. if we can find ourselves, which is actually not really at question. It's just a matter of time. So, how are we going to live?

[17:06]

How is it we're going to walk with people? How are we gonna walk through the middle of our life and the beginning and the end of our life in a way that finds the light that shows us how to get home? There was a Catholic monastic named Thomas Merton. And Thomas Merton, I believe in a way just like category and just like Alan Watts, and just like lots of people, is part of what made the context that allowed San Francisco Zen Center to come into being. He was an enormous person, a very, I believe, a very wise person. And he struggled. It wasn't just that he walked down this road of being a Catholic monastic and it was kind of groovy.

[18:09]

He was a passionate anti-war advocate, Thomas Merton was. And in his monastery, Gethsemane, the abbot of it was kind of a Republican hawk. And you know, during meals, they read material to the community. Well, Thomas Merton had to deal with, the abbot would instruct the reader to... read Wall Street Journal editorials in favor of the Vietnam War during dinner. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And he thought about leaving so many times, but he never delayed. He didn't leave. He stayed. And he said, he wrote, in order to be remembered, I have to be the one that no one knows. In order to be remembered, I have to be the person that nobody knows.

[19:17]

In Zen practice, we say, if you want to start off on your journey, you have to begin by taking the backward step. Later on in Dante's poem, as the hero approaches the gates of hell. There is an inscription above the doorway, and it says, Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. One day during Zazen, down below in this building, Suzuki Roshi spoke aloud to the assembly. during a period of zazen. And he said, it doesn't get better later. It doesn't get better later.

[20:28]

And then, on another occasion, in another moment, he said, in its wide sense, Everything is a teaching for us. The color of the mountain, the sound of the river, or the sound of a motor car. Each one of these is a teaching of Buddha. And then, on another occasion, of course he said so many things, but I'm just going to say this one more thing. On another occasion, Suzuki Roshi said, People don't know how selfish they are. Bernie Glassman, standing up at the 12-step meeting. My name is Bernie, and I am addicted to myself. Well, the practice,

[21:39]

The practice of the way is founded, in my mind, on the prospect that we can change. It's founded on the fact that life is always changing. And that if we take an awareness and alertness and try to know who we are, we can find a way to walk with people. so that we can perhaps be more helpful to ourselves and to them. What time is it? Plenty of time. Here's a story, a true story. I say true because I heard it from the person who I'm going to talk about, a Japanese minister of the Buddhist churches of America.

[22:46]

And it's a story about him and it's a story about Suzuki Rishi. There was a once upon a time, which means in the early 1960s, there was a Japanese Jodo Shinshu priest named Reverend Ogui who was sent to Los Angeles to minister to the flock. Of course he had taken English classes in high school and college, and of course when he got to America he realized he couldn't speak English. But it didn't matter so much because the congregation he was sent to be part of was a Japanese-American, a Japanese congregation, and actually he didn't need to speak English. He said that his functions included performing funerals and memorial services to this Japanese-American congregation.

[24:04]

He was 23, and he said, When I went out from the temple, there were very interesting bars, which I enjoyed. I'd never seen all these different sorts of people. I thought I understood the Dharma, but I didn't understand much because I had lived within a tradition without critical questioning. I lived along with the traditions. I knew the Japanese traditions, but when I was asked questions in Los Angeles, I couldn't really answer them. That made it difficult for me to continue being a minister. I was having arguments with a head minister and I had various personal problems. So he ran away. He flew the coop. Found himself in San Francisco where he got a job at a Japanese bookstore in Japantown.

[25:06]

And at that Japanese bookstore, sometimes Suzuki Roshi would come by, browsing the books. And Reverend Agui said, Suzuki read my mind. He saw my inner frustrations, loss of confidence, and he said, come to Sakoji Temple. It might help you. So I started going to Sakoji, to Sitzazen. Now one thing, just as a point of information, Well, of course, there's always exceptions and things, but for the most part, in Japan, certainly, a Jodo Shenshu priest wouldn't go to a Zen center and practice Zazen. I don't know why they wouldn't. But in the same way, probably the Zen teacher doesn't go to the Jodo Shenshu temple and practice Pure Land Buddhism. They've got their groove. And Reverend Agui stepped out of his, came to the Zen center,

[26:09]

the Proto Zen Center over at Sokoji Temple. He has various things to say. He said, that was the time when the hippies started to come. It was an exciting time, you know. It was fun. One time a young girl came to the zendo and she was wearing only a net dress. Like made from a tennis court net, you know. It was made from a tennis court net with a mesh about two inches square. It was made very carefully, it fit her quite well, but the problem was she was basically naked. She arrived almost one of the first persons and went into the zendo and sat down to meditate. Suzuki and Katiguri were peering into the room. Suzuki Roshi said to Kategori Roshi, what should we do?

[27:15]

Kategori Roshi said, I don't know. Suzuki Roshi looked at Reverend Ugui, he said, you go in there and talk to her. So Ugui went in and he said, the teacher would like you to wear more clothes. LAUGHTER And when I said this to her, she said, but it's my best dress. So anyway, this Ogui fellow was 23, 24 maybe, time passes, and he was living in San Francisco, working at a bookstore, and sometimes going to Sakoji. One day at the bookstore, Reverend Suzuki, I think that's how they called him then, Reverend Suzuki came and said to me, I'm paraphrasing, he said, I'm going to be giving a talk tonight.

[28:19]

Why don't you come? Well, certainly, of course. So, Ogui-san arrived. I think at Sukoji in those days, people didn't sit cross-legged on the floor, they sat in pews. And the minister, Suzuki Roshi spoke from the front standing up in front of a lectern. And this skeptical Jodo Shinshu priest living in San Francisco watched a Dharma talk come forth. He said, and I'm going to, I think I have to, he says it so well, I'm going to have to, I'm going to read, excuse me for reading in a lecture, but sometimes Suzuki would use a little Japanese along with his English.

[29:23]

It would help him think, I guess. At this time, he started talking and walking in front of people, back and forth, slowly and steadily, and finally he said, today, today wajana, today, wajana. Well, today wa, wa makes the subject today. And jana is Japanese for is. Today is. And the jana is also kind of is with emphasis. And then he said, today, izu ya pari, today. Izu is just the way he pronounced is. And Yipari is a Japanese word that means absolutely. Today is absolutely today. And then he walked again, back and forth, slowly, steadily.

[30:31]

And then he said, today is a nata yesterday. And then he walked in front of us slowly and after a pause he said, today is not tomorrow. And then he walked over to a person in the front row and he put his hands around his neck and shook them. And he said, do you understand? And then with a kind of, he pulled back and with with a kind expression on his face, said, today is absolutely today, not yesterday, and not tomorrow. That is all. And then he left. The lecture was done. Agui said he couldn't stand up.

[31:36]

He'd been so full of angst about the fact he didn't know enough English to talk about the Dharma. here was a talk that struck him to the core and how many different words he used, maybe ten total words, you know. And at that point he realized that the problem wasn't with his education or his understanding of how to speak English, the problem was with himself. That he hadn't been taking it seriously enough. He hadn't, well... I shouldn't say, I don't know what he said. I was shocked. I was caught. Later I thought to myself, what have I been frustrated about? Because I don't have a big enough English vocabulary? Or I don't know enough about Buddhism? Suzuki Roshi only used such limited English. Today is absolutely today.

[32:40]

Not yesterday. Only a few words. That struck me. This is Ogui saying. That talk struck me, stayed with me throughout all my life, and it gave me the conviction to remain in America and try to see if I could be a priest in my tradition. He continued, and actually he was the Archbishop of the Buddhist Churches of America. I think he retired recently. And when Suzuki Roshi passed away in 1971, Reverend Ogui is the person who wrote the memorial for him on the front page of the Japanese American language newspaper in San Francisco. Today is today, absolutely.

[33:42]

And also, today is tomorrow. Absolutely. Absolutely. And it's yesterday. So Zen practice is I believe it's pragmatic. It's not something about purity. It's something about living in muddy water, like a lotus, coming forth and blossoming, flowering from the mud. And because each of us have a different compost pile, We all have got our own mud.

[34:49]

The way we blossom, of course, is different. But the blossom is there within us. Please respect yourself and take care of yourself and don't just sort of ignore. your heart, help yourself to have that blossom of your beautiful nature open wide. Today is absolutely today. What more do we need? Well, unfortunately, we somehow seem to need more. It's just, this is such a simple fact that it's actually difficult to accept, to think that it's sufficient. But it is. I believe that it is.

[35:58]

Thank you all very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge. And this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[36:34]

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