Good morning. I'm Fu and it's my turn to welcome you all to Green Gulch Farm. I actually thought that I wanted to begin today by sharing with you what I think is part of the basis for my fear of coming up here. And I've done this enough times now that it's kind of a pattern that's set in. And I think it has something to do with what I think you want or what I think you think. I think you want me to just sort of talk without a lot of preparation. I think you want that.

[01:01]

And I think I can't do that. So then I do various things hoping that you'll think I'm doing that. Like hiding my notes behind this large piece of wood here. But in fact I did spend a lot of time preparing to meet you today. And I think it's good to begin with a confession. So Friday I set aside, months ago, to prepare my Sunday lecture. And I started very early in the morning and I ran my family out of the house for the day. I was like, please go away. And then I think for all of you, I think, actually I think all of us are very familiar with the creative process because we've all gone to school.

[02:05]

And for hours and hours we've sat and stared at the blank wall of our own imaginations. And on Friday I was actually staring at the blank screen of my home office computer. Wondering what to talk about. And various concepts came on by. Ideas for theme, subject matter. Kind of like the Goodyear Blue. And the night. In fact, the reason I thought of that image was that I saw the Goodyear blimp last week in the night. And it's a wonderful thing, you know. We got the kids and, come out here, you won't believe it. There was the blimp going by, flashing these lights, you know. It's really regrettable that all they do is advertise tires. Because I was thinking, if they, you know, told jokes or wrote poetry, it would be so

[03:15]

much more wonderful and we'd probably all still buy the tires, you know. If they could get them to stay on, you know, I think they're having a problem. So anyway, these thoughts kind of floated on by, just like the blimp. And the reason is, I think, because there weren't any strings attached. And what I mean by strings are heart strings. And heart strings are those little hooks that connect various notions to my feelings. And some of those hooks are quite tiny. And some of those hooks are large enough to catch a whale. When we are ordained as priests in this house of Soto Zen, there's a verse that we recite as our hair is being shaved off our heads.

[04:22]

Another lovely verse. It goes like this. The bonds of attachment are hard to break in our past, present, and future karma. Realization beyond the realm of karma is the offering of true compassion. The bonds of attachment are hard to break in our past, present, and future karma. Realization beyond the realm of karma is the offering of true compassion. So this teaching of non-attachment is at the core of what the Buddha understood was the cause of suffering in this world. And he expressed this teaching as the Four Noble Truths.

[05:24]

I think you've all heard those before. The truth of suffering is number one. There is suffering. And number two is there's a cause for suffering. And that is attachment based in ignorance. The third truth, there is the cessation of suffering. And the fourth, there's a cause for the cessation of suffering, which is the Noble Eightfold Path. So I find it very helpful to explore these key teachings of the Buddha. Over and over again, I like to look back at the first thing he had to say after his awakening. And in fact, the Four Noble Truths is just about the first thing he said. So there is suffering, and suffering is caused by attachment based in ignorance.

[06:32]

Another word for this attachment based in ignorance in our common usage is greed. So I thought, well, okay, I want to look at all the different angles that language affords for the word greed. So I took out my synonym finder. And here's what it said. This is only partial reading. Grabbiness, selfishness, miserliness, stinginess, meanness, tight-fistedness, gluttony, insatiability, voraciousness, covetousness, appetite, anxiousness, breathlessness, impatience, longing, passion, hunger, ambitiousness, and itch. I've heard it said, and also disputed, that Eskimos have many words for snow.

[07:43]

But it's pretty clear that in our world of abundance, there are many words for greed. So this teaching of the Buddha concerning the cause of suffering and its cure was given over 2,500 years ago to five ascetics in the Deer Park at Isipatana in what is now called India. And this sermon, his very first, has since been referred to as the turning of the wheel of the law. And in this first sermon, he establishes the theoretical model for the truth of our human life. And that truth is what we call the Dharma. So the Buddha teaches the Dharma to the Sangha. And that is the triple treasure.

[08:47]

I noticed all of the lecturers lately are beginning to put on their glasses. And then the Buddha, not too long after his first sermon, gave a second sermon called the Discourse on the Not-Self, the Discourse on the Not-Self. And in this sermon, he offered to the same five ascetics a practice. And the practice he gave them was his own practice, the one that he knew was the basis for his life of freedom. As the Buddha sat under the Bodhi tree, he witnessed in himself the death of greed, fear, confusion and hatred. And about 50 years later, this same person died, surrounded by many loving friends and

[10:06]

what appeared to be a state of bliss. So this way of life we call the Buddha way. The first question that I ever asked at Zen Center some years ago in the very first class I attended, after listening to the teacher for a while, I said, uh, what do you mean by practice? Practice what? You know, I had practiced the clarinet and softball and, uh, and I couldn't figure out what all these people at Zen Center were talking about by our practice. Have you ever had that problem? Practice what? And so, uh, when I asked that question, I thought it was probably a dumb question, but actually now I think it's a good question. And in fact, I think all questions are good questions.

[11:10]

Because it's through the practice of inquiry that we come to understand ourselves and our place in the world. And I actually believe that this understanding, no matter how great or small, is itself the bright light of awakening. You know, aha, I get it. We all have that experience. We know what it's like from our very first steps until hopefully our very last words. Aha, I get it. And, uh, I think this familiar experience is exactly the dissolution of greed and the end of suffering. And then there's the next question. So the main point is to stay with it while it's happening, to remain fresh and curious and alive.

[12:13]

Master Tozan asked his teacher, how will I find my true self? And his teacher said, ask the messenger within. And still doubting the source of his own wisdom, Tozan then said to his teacher, well, I'm asking him now. And his teacher said, what does he say? So this lively listening to the messenger within is the foundation for our Buddhist training program. It's a kind of listening that's very deep and very honest. So you drop your inquiry into the well of your own existence and then you wait patiently, sometimes for years, until the response comes from all the way down.

[13:18]

And I feel like I should mention to you that this kind of inquiry is going to hurt. But it's not the same as the hurt that comes from ignorance and greed. Because this kind of hurting is based in the principles of healing. Just like an infection that bursts through the skin hurts a lot. But after a while, there's such great relief. Some years ago, when I was at Tassajara, I had an image of my mind during meditation as a garbage disposal that had been turned on backwards. And all the stuff that I had stuffed just came shooting up for review. This went on for a very long time and it was only after a while that the satisfaction of relief outweighed the pain of regret for my past actions.

[14:31]

So I wanted to give just a real quick review of what I've said so far. The Buddha's first sermon is the theory. The theory of suffering. How we come to suffer. And that suffering is caused by greed. Okay, that's the bad news. The good news is truth three and four. There is an end of suffering. And the end of suffering is a medicinal concoction that has been produced by the great physician, Shakyamuni Buddha. And that concoction has eight ingredients. And all of them are based in how you think and how you behave based on that thinking. The very first of the eight ingredients is right thinking.

[15:40]

As my therapist is always saying, think, think, think. And the second one is right thinking. Right intention. Act from that good thinking. And not until. And then the next of the eight, the next four are behaviors. Right speech. How you talk to your friends. Right conduct. How you drive your car. Right livelihood. How you support your life. Right effort. And again, as my kind therapist says, don't try, do it. Right effort. And then the next two ingredients are the support for all of the others. And that is right mindfulness and right meditation.

[16:43]

And I think without those two, we're in danger of suffering. Of being creatures of habit, like clever robots with a system for everything. What the Buddha taught, I don't think is any different from what every parent, well-intentioned parent, tries to teach to their children. In fact, I feel as though everything I've learned about practice for the past seven years has been a result of trying to teach my child. And I was really grateful when she started preschool because they were okay about me sitting there in one of those little chairs and watching how they did things. And I was so impressed by the kindness and the behavior of those teachers, you know.

[17:45]

It was clearly inspired by the same wisdom of the Buddha that knows how to grow a healthy human being. There was no hitting, no yelling, no insults, and no indulgence. And in all those years that I sat and watched, I only saw great patience, great love, and great respect. And this is the Buddha way. So as lifelong students of the Buddha's teaching, we continuously must review the practice and the theory that it's based on. It's an everyday affair. So if I look again today at the question that first brought me deeper into practice, the question, what is practice, or practice what, then I would answer myself like this.

[18:48]

What the Buddha taught is very simple, and there's just one practice that you need to do. You need to study the self. And what he meant by the self is the self that you believe yourself to be, the one you think is there, your OAO, or as Rumi called it, the beloved. And what happens when you truly find the beloved is a very difficult thing, because the one that you believe is there drops away as if dead. And then little by little, all your friends will help you, and all the light of the world will allow you to stand up and step forward.

[19:53]

And as Master Dogen says, this dropping away continues endlessly. So I wanted to give you an example from my task this morning of what it is that I'm trying to talk about. And that task is the one that I'm performing right now, which is to attempt to express in words what it is that I found when I faced the blank wall of my own imagination, when I looked into this person and asked, what is her truth? And then the question comes, did I go deep enough? Am I being honest? And who is going to respond to these questions as they keep arriving? When Bodhidharma was asked by Emperor Wu, who is this facing me?

[21:05]

And Bodhidharma said, don't know. And I often say, don't know. And then I wonder, is my don't know like Bodhidharma's don't know? Don't know. So on Friday when I sat there and waded through all the various potentialities that appeared on the blank wall, one of them appeared several times and was clearly connected to my heart. So that's the one I chose as the topic or theme for this talk today, which is the return of winter, or turning toward the night.

[22:10]

I think some of you know that Norman Fisher, our senior Dharma teacher's Buddhist name, is turning toward the light. So these two phrases together complete one another. Each is a hemisphere, and without the other, they have no meaning. And all dualities are like this, light and dark, night and day, right and wrong, us and them, life and death. We are living this life on a great big ball, and that ball is turning, and our life depends on turning. Night or darkness in Buddhist language often represents non-duality,

[23:17]

non-differentiation, the ungraspable, the ineffable, the highest meaning of the holy truth. On the big bell outside, there's a phrase, the pre-voice of the great bell. So the pre-voice of silence bursts forth into sound. And from sound to silence again, round and round and round. And it's like this for all things. Since I was a child, I've been kind of afraid of the dark and of the winter. It's where all the boogeymen come from, you know, like you-know-who in the Harry Potter stories. And yet, here we are again on this slippery slide into winter.

[24:22]

And I thought to myself, you'd think after all these years, you'd be used to it, you know, the change of the seasons, the continual gain and loss through the years. But actually what I'm experiencing is that as I get older, these feelings have gotten deeper and more meaningful. I once looked up the word meaning in the dictionary, and it's connected to an ancient word for moan, to moan. What is your moaning? I think that winter is no doubt connected to notions I have about my own personal death. And on my 50th birthday, I think I may have mentioned here once before, my good friend Mick Sopko, who's our Eno at Green Gulch, whispered in my ear, even the pine tree on the hillside wishes to live forever.

[25:27]

Happy birthday. So there's a whale catching hope. So I was very attracted to this story that was told by a friend who's in a sitting group that I belong to on Friday mornings. Years ago, when she was a young art student, she saw a film of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. It was in slow motion, because it was called stop action in those days. So anyway, throughout the lazy summer, the caterpillar ate its way through the trees. It ate its way to a large and juicy size. And then with the onset of winter, she began to gently disassemble herself, very slowly and carefully removing her own body parts and using them for lining of her bright green and gold flecked new home.

[26:32]

And then little by little, the caterpillar simply vanished into soup. Butterfly soup. My friend who was telling this story said that after all these years, she's still waiting for that butterfly of her own spiritual transformation to take flight. We all nodded in agreement. So I don't know if I'm a butterfly or not, even though I seem to be dressed like one. You see? Actually, this is a little more like a moth. Oops, sorry, excuse me. Don't touch the equipment. So, but anyway, I do have a deep appreciation for the process of

[27:42]

turning oneself into a hearty medicinal soup. And I've already mentioned the eight ingredients that are recommended for this soup by the great physician, Shakyamuni Buddha. The right thinking and the intention, speech, conduct, livelihood, effort, meditation, mindfulness. And now, I would like to read to you the recipe for butterfly soup that has been handed down by all the Buddha ancestors for over 2000 years. And this version I'm going to read to you is, has been written by Master Chef Dogen Zenji. This is a secret, so don't tell anybody, okay?

[28:52]

So, step one, put aside the intellectual practice of investigating words and chasing phrases, and learn to take the backward step that turns the light and shines it inward. Body and mind of themselves will drop away, and your original face will manifest. If you want such a thing, get to work on such a thing immediately. For practicing Zen, what he means by Zen here is making soup. For practicing Zen, a quiet room is suitable. Eat and drink moderately. Put aside all involvements and suspend all affairs. Do not think good or bad. Do not judge true or false. Give up the operations of mind, intellect, and consciousness.

[30:01]

Stop measuring with thoughts, ideas, and views. Have no designs on becoming a Buddha. How could that be limited to sitting or lying down? At your sitting place, spread out a thick mat and put a cushion on it. Sit either in the full lotus or half lotus position, or upright in a chair. In the full lotus position, first place your right foot on your left thigh, then your left foot on your right thigh, and in the half lotus, simply place your left foot on your right thigh. Tie your robes loosely and arrange them neatly. Then, place your right hand on your left leg, and your left hand on your right palm, thumb tips lightly touching. That's my most favorite part.

[31:06]

Thumb tips lightly touching. Butterfly wings. Straighten your body and sit upright, leaning neither left nor right, neither forward nor backward. Align your ears with your shoulders and your nose with your navel. Rest the tip of your tongue against the front of the roof of your mouth, with teeth and lips together, both shut. Always keep your eyes open, and breathe softly through your nose. Once you have adjusted your posture, take a breath and exhale fully. Rock your body right and left, and settle into steady, immovable sitting. Think of not thinking. Not thinking. What kind of thinking is that? Non-thinking. This is the essential art.

[32:09]

Of butterfly soup. So the last suggestion I want to make to you, is that once you have put the lid on the container, and begun disassembling yourself, that you stop messing with it. Butterfly soup is very much like a fine souffle. You have to resist the great temptation to peak. And another word for peaking, in our meditation jargon, is no mental elaborations.

[33:14]

No mental elaborations. The abbreviation for mental elaborations is M.E. No Me. Mental elaborations include the following. Interpretation, projection, commentary, judgment, and criticism. About yourself, about your fellow kitchen workers, and about the soup. To study the Buddha way is to thoroughly study yourself. And to study the self is to forget the self. Put the pot on the back burner, lower the flame, and go about your business. And then one fine day, the great earth turns again toward the light.

[34:16]

As the mother of all things, protects her only child. Through the inconceivable power and compassion of the Buddhists and ancestors, the magical illusion of creation itself pops open. Releasing its tiny new messenger to dry her great wide wings. Thank you very much.

[34:49]

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