This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening. Last spring after I was... given lay and trustment. I took six to nine months off to go and talk to various Zen groups in the Southwest. And among the places I visited and spoke was at the Austin Zen Center. And after I came back, I got an email from them and they asked me if I would write an article for their next e-distribution.

[01:06]

I don't know exactly what they were doing with it. But I said, sure, I wrote an article. Nothing ever happened with it. I turned it in. They never distributed it. They never published it. So that's what I'm using for my talk tonight. The unpublished article, which I entitled at the time, Stumbling Down the Path, which I'm not so sure that I completely even agree with anymore, but wrote back in May of this year, March, and now here it is to give. As most of y'all who know me know that I'm a long-term lay practitioner here. I think I may have been one of the first, if not the only, chusso that never lived in any of the practice places and one of the first lay entrusted people that's never lived in any of the practice places.

[02:14]

I've, since the beginning of my practice, I was drawn to practice in the late 70s. I was fortunate enough to be married to my wonderful wife who's here. And we have four children and two grandchildren. I've always had a job and never had the opportunity or the karma to live in the building and to be able to practice like the rest of y'all. So I wanted to... bring this stumbling down the path and point it a little bit towards those of us who live in the outside and have to practice in our daily lives away from sin center, away from the support of the sangha and by ourselves.

[03:19]

But also on the effort and hard work that it takes to maintain that sort of practice and to still be part of a sangha like this. For years, I was through the 80s and 90s, I was cheating in Chico almost every day here. And I remember Heikisan sitting at the top of the stairs tapping his foot because I was always three minutes late when I would park into the place that I always parked, which I think many of you recognize as the fire hydrant zone right outside there on the corner. I always thought it said reserved for Jamie, but I think the fire department may have issue with my thoughts on that. And so my effort to get here originally was to just push myself as hard as I could.

[04:27]

and use my toughness and mental stick-to-itiveness and male testosterone-driven competitiveness and a lot of things that were very helpful, at least to get up and to get here. But what they do is that they When you use that sort of effort to get to the zendo or to practice in your daily life, you're bringing a lot of yourself and a lot of self into your practice. And by doing so, the purity of your practice is compromised. So... I would get real easy on myself and I would veer towards the other side of the middle way and I would have a hard time practicing at all.

[05:35]

And when I would show up, I would be almost inattentive, sleepy, not very present. And I would lurch between these two points of views for years in the morning. finally, it became clear to me that there was an effortless effort that was available to us. Dogen talks about it. That effortless effort is what Suzuki Roshi would say or said. It's just... putting your robes on and going to the zindo when you hear the alarm clock go off. Don't think about rolling over. Don't think about making yourself get up.

[06:38]

Just go and do it. And I would add a further thing to that is that in the moment that your alarm clock goes off or you hear the wake-up bell, going around the building, immediately begin your Zazen mind and focus on your breathing as you put on your robes, as you get into your car, or as you go down the stairs, as you enter the Zendo and follow the Zendo forms. This place is very supportive in not having a lot of opportunities to divert yourself from that full, concentrated zendo mind. And so I think you really can do that here.

[07:44]

It's just like doing it in a sashimi. You just put your robes on and go down to the zendo. Once you get down there, you know, I've been fortunate enough to have sat both in Rinzai and Soto situations. I started sitting with Sasaki Roshi on the top of Mount Baldy in the late 70s. So I've sat with koans. I've sat counting my breaths. I've sat following my breaths. and I've sat in a more classical shikintaza way. And I suppose that I could describe each of those ways to you, but sitting with koans is very, very distracting, and it brings up self a lot.

[08:47]

So... I don't know. I don't know that I would recommend it. And I feel that way about counting and following your breaths also. Really, the purest form of sitting is shikantaza. And some time ago when I was reading Ginjo Kohan, and I'm going to put my glasses on to quote this. You read it many times. Glasses, no glasses. It's the same tonight. Yet an attachment blossoms fall and an aversion weeds spread. Well, we've all read that many times. But then the first part of the next paragraph, to carry the self forward and illuminate the myriad things is delusion. That myriad things come forth and illuminate the self is awakening. I think that's one of the most important points in the Ginjo Koan.

[09:52]

in the entire Shobo Ginza. To let the myriad things come forth and illuminate themselves. That's awakening. In another part of the Shobo Ginza, Dogen says a really interesting thing. Even non-sentient beings preach the Dharma. The bus goes around the corner. And I've noticed lately that they haven't been funding the helicopters for the early traffic news shows, so we don't have that dharma anymore. But even those non-sentient beings are preaching the dharma to us as they walk, as they fly over, the bus making its beeps as they turn.

[10:56]

the motorcycles down on Fell Street. I think it's really a wonderful place to practice in our zindo here. The truck going by now. Preaching the Dharma. So, we have the opportunity to listen to, to see, to taste, to touch, to feel. The Dharma being preached to us throughout the day, whether we're here or whether we're teaching at San Francisco State or working at Zephyr Real Estate, and whether it's sentient or non-sentient beings.

[11:57]

preaching the Dharma to us. I think there's some other things that one can do if you're working on the outside and you're spending a lot of time out there. You know, there's some Tendai monks that over a period of seven years run over a thousand kilometers on Mount hey you outside of Nara and they stop between 25 and 40 times during their daily run of 20 to 40 kilometers and in each of those stops they say a prayer they do prostrations they offer incense they offer flowers they carry in their bags a little satchel with incense and flowers and rocks and prayers, and they have their bodies to offer prostrations.

[13:09]

And I think that as we go through our day, we can make those same devotions. We don't have to be as overt. It may be a little weird for you to bow down and make three full prostrations to the vegetables in Safeway. But you can mentally do it. And, you know, I have seen more than once in airports, in waiting lounges, people sitting zazen facing the wall when their flights were delayed. I mean, there's an opportunity to practice. Sojin Mel Weitzman says that he's grateful for long lines because it takes him back to his real self, and he follows his breath, and he breathes, and he has an opportunity to practice deeply.

[14:24]

Sometimes I would say bow to the telephone before you answer. Bow to your computer when you turn it on. Bow to your house when you turn the key. Your bicycle, your car. the muni bus. You can do it mentally. You can do it actually. I don't think people, especially in this city, would think we're so strange if we actually did a small bow and they would just say, oh, another person on Haight Street. So I don't think that there'd be any really blowback from any of those situations. And you'd be surprised how supportive sometimes your workmates are when they find out that you're practicing Zen.

[15:43]

I worked for many years at a real estate company on 24th Street where the owner could care less about Catholics or Zen Buddhists or whatever. But when he would hear me being a little annoyed or yelling at one of my clients or lenders or one of the many people that were annoying me, he would slap the back of my head and he would say, you didn't go to the Zendo today, did you? So... I think people really will support your practice out there and be happy to do so. I want to talk a little bit about pain and aversion.

[16:55]

I've been giving zazen instruction here a lot lately. And the more I give zazen instruction, the less adequate that I feel about doing it. I really was clear on what I wanted to say when I first started giving zazen instruction. I really wanted to work on posture. I remember the first time I came here, and I'd already been sitting for about five or six years and I came for Zazen Instruction and one of the things that the young teacher said was, I've been working on my posture for nine years and I haven't gotten it right yet. Well, I don't even have it close to right at this point. I'm not even, I don't have a clue. I don't, you know, nobody comes by and adjusts my posture anymore because, I don't know, they... See the green rakasu? They don't, or they know me and they won't mess with me, but I know that I'm like this half the time.

[18:04]

You know, I wouldn't mind a little smack and a little adjustment. Vicki's rubbing her hands. Get that kusaku out, Vicki. Let's go. I do miss the kusaku. I don't miss it so much like I did when I was sitting at Mount Baldy, and I remember you didn't ask to be hit there. Here, when we did use it, you would ask, you know, bow. Like I would come by with a stick, or the woman would come by with a stick, and you would bow, and you'd ask to be hit. I remember at Mount Baldy one time, The guy carrying the stick didn't like the energy in the zindo, so he hit everybody on that ton as hard as he could. Whack, whack, whack, whack. But there are times when it's really useful, and I do miss the opportunity to choose to be whacked.

[19:10]

But... Well, I don't think you should be afraid to move when you're sitting zazen. I mean, if you have sciatica or if something's going on that you think you're hurting yourself or you're fixing to hear a pop in your knee or if you don't move, do it. Bow and move. But really the person that you disturb the most When you move, it's not your neighbor, but it's yourself. You can get into a good rhythm of following your breath and concentrating, and then you move, and it sort of disturbs you. So I respect the old Jiki Jitsu, which is the Renzi equivalent of the Eno back in Mount Baldy.

[20:16]

when they wouldn't let us blow our noses, he would just yell, let it run! Because by not doing it, by not moving to just make yourself more comfortable, you're creating an environment where you can keep yourself more concentrated and more in tune with what's going on. And let me back up for a second because I'm sort of bouncing all over the place and I beg your pardon for saying this. This is something I've never heard at San Francisco Zen Center and I've never read in any literature. But I do think it's really important for you to discover your own rhythm of breathing.

[21:18]

We each have a rhythm of breathing that changes when we sit zazen. And once you discover that rhythm of breathing, it becomes a little bit easier for you to get into a state of concentration, a state of samadhi, a state of shikhandaza. I don't... to use any word here to describe it, but I'm not reluctant to say that, you know, I don't know what your breathing is. You know, whether you're counting your exhalations or whether you're just following your breath, but you'll naturally find a rhythm of breathing. Once you find that, go ahead and use it.

[22:22]

Use it and use it to find it again. You found the trail that gets you there quicker. Use it. I wanted to say also a few things about... helping you practice out in the world that I've left out. I apologize again for bouncing all over. You know, the other thing that you can do besides bowing and following those Tendai monks on Mount Hay's examples is to work The precepts work, the Brahma Vaharas, just like people in AA work the steps.

[23:24]

You can take a precept, a disciple of Buddha does not slander others. And put that in the front of your mind. Spend the day not slandering others. And it gives you not only an opportunity to practice ethically, but it also gives you a chance to practice mindfully because you're paying attention to not slandering. So work through those precepts. Work through the brahma-vaharas. Work through the refuges. The entire world is your sangha. Even non-sentient beings preach the Dharma. So go through that and it really will help you practice what you want to say.

[24:32]

I don't have a lot else to say. I have some of my favorite critics here. I'd like to invite some questions, please. Leanne. So, how did you find your breath? And what is your breath? Can you show us your breath? Yeah, I can. You know... I'm an asthmatic, and I've gone for years to asthma doctors and asthma clinics, and the last time I went, they did a test on me, and I don't know what the average number of inhalations, exhalations are per minute, but I did three.

[25:41]

And they were, she was like, what's going on with you? What's going on with you? I breathe a little bit from the top of my lungs, take a small inhalation at the top, and then really expand my tendon or my abdominal muscles until my lungs are completely filled. And then when they're completely filled, I slowly squeeze out from the bottom again. and let it drift out until only really the amount of air is in the top and I finish squeezing that out I don't know that that would work for anybody else but I don't do it consciously anymore I did it consciously maybe 25-30 years ago but I don't do it consciously anymore

[26:48]

It's just the way I breathe. Bill Redican, question. It's a real estate, a very brutal business. And short enough, I stress, and kind of set up a climate which is modulating your stress. How do you keep your center? Sorry. all of that fray. Well, are we talking about the big you or the little you at this point? I don't always keep my center, and you and I both know that. But when I'm practicing deeply and when I'm carrying that practice that I have, endorsed into the rest of my life it's easier there's still possibilities when your buttons get pushed and there's still times when you have to manifest emotions that are like

[28:18]

are guardian deities to guard your clients. But you don't need to move your sinner away from... Your sinner doesn't have to become the guardian deity. The sinner can remain smooth and sincere and faithful and compassionate. Work the Brahma Vaharas when it happens. Um, sympathetic joy instead of, uh, Scheidenfreude. He came here special to harass me. I just need to, um, harass him. What?

[29:19]

That's a good question. Sasaki Roshi once gave me the koan. What function? I must admit that I failed to ever give him a satisfactory answer. But what I try to do is, instead of making it my goal to make money, is to satisfy my clients' needs. to find a house, to sell a house.

[30:25]

Recently I represented a large group of beneficiaries whose grandmother had died, and none of them were going to get a lot. I tried to do my best to try to get them the most money that I could for them. There are some situations that I find that I won't do anymore. I won't represent a property that has tenants in it, especially elder tenants. I don't like to represent... I won't represent foreclosures. And I don't like to represent people that are either so greedy or so needy that money becomes so necessary for them.

[31:30]

And then with the money that I do make, I try to support the Dharma. I have always been a contributor to Zen Center and now a contributor to Dharma's Leap as well. Vicki? What's the question? Well, I was enjoying, I've been enjoying the Bodhidharma picture behind you, your sitting posture. You were talking about your posture, and I was just I can point out that Bodhidharma has bad posture too. Well, I get to play him a lot in the Bodhidharma days. At the same time, I also was thinking about you as an athlete and the body awareness.

[32:33]

It's not so much a form question, which is why I haven't But what's your sense of your posture and how do you work with that to become concentrated? Well, that's a good question because Vicki points out a not-so-well-known part of my life to people that haven't been here for as long as Vicki and I have been. is that I've always been a soccer player, a basketball player, a triathlete, something. And I am very aware of my posture and of Zazen. And I really love doing triathlons, all three of those sports, because there are opportunities to train solitarily. My beautiful wife and I don't train so well together for one of the reasons is that she likes to talk and visit and I'm not so good at it.

[33:45]

When I'm running, I exhale on odd numbers because I like to exhale on the left foot and then the right foot. When I'm swimming, It's obvious. Yeah, one, two, three is usually the pattern, but sometimes it's five. Swimming is an obvious one because you can, breathing and movement are so closely tied together there. The hardest one is bicycling at this point for me. And then going back to my previous sports life I think the first place I really discovered Zen was on the soccer field because the angles and the way you disappear. You're disappearing and it's just angles and the game and things are happening for you. You have a chance to blend in and become one with what's going on.

[34:58]

Lou. Oh, okay. Okay. How does that change when you're not physically perfect? How do you find that center? I'm not so good at that. I think I do remember running or I don't know if running is the right word. I remember when I had an operation on my ankle many years ago And was still in a full cast on crutches, running as fast as I could, down on the beach running back. So I like movement. Movement's very important to me. And it is tied to breath.

[36:03]

I think the deeper question is the frustration of an athlete aging or an athlete injured. And that's where you have to make some decisions about yourself and your practice and that it's maybe time to give some parts of it up and some parts of the dream up and to move on. And sometimes that means some great masters have done some wonderful poems and sat and said goodbye to this world. And sometimes it means that. It doesn't always. But it does mean a transition. And sometimes you come back stronger physically.

[37:09]

I don't mean just mentally. Sometimes you come back stronger because your rehab is so intense that you actually come back stronger and less pain. And you can tolerate more pain. And so your pain is not as bothersome. I won't say you're pain-free, but pain is not as bothersome. And you're more willing to experience pain. I was listening when you talked about taking small moments and activities and bowing like he had a lot. I guess I wanted you to talk a little more about that. Is that more about taking the space and the time? Is that more about expressing some gratitude? Is it more about grounding oneself and how does it carry forward after you turned the key, walked in the door and moved down to the next or any of those examples you chose that you must use?

[38:20]

I don't think it's grounding. I think it's developing gratitude and I think there's so many opportunities to be grateful for your question and to be grateful for so many things that come up for us. So if you can keep your mind in continual gratitude mind, it's really hard to veer off the path. That's what I have to say, I guess. Well, I don't want to keep you up. I... Almost every... Do you have a question? I'm sorry. Ignacio, please.

[39:21]

How do you practice the Brahmatic hearts in the daily life? Well, I'm not so good at practicing more than one thing at a time. So I will practice when I hear, for example, a realtor at the company that I work for announce a big sale and it's somebody I especially dislike. I work really hard on sympathetic joy. The opportunities for those practice of the Brahma Baharas are there all the time. You know, we can talk about the Brahma Baharas all night. It's one of my favorite subjects, but I really like to work with the, not the near enemy, but the far enemy.

[40:28]

And I like to work with the far enemy in my daily life. And sometimes that's the Speaker of the House, and sometimes it's a realtor named Bonnie Spindler. But that's all I had to say about that. Gretchen? You have a question for me? Good question. Good question. We're fortunate enough to have every moment be a fresh beginner's situation.

[41:37]

I mean, really... every day is fresh. Maybe it's maybe when you're 35, 45 it's not so clear that every day is fresh and a beginning and a real true dawn but it's really clear to me at this point that this is a this is the brass ring and this is the and I'm going to grab it, and it's this breath, and it's this breath only, and I'm going to grab it. And I think you just have to have a little bit of a sense of urgency, and you have to remember that practice is as if your hair was on fire. There are some times when you have to do that, and that will...

[42:41]

that takes you back to that sense of urgency that the beginner's mind that you have to start over again and again. I've given a number of talks here and will screw up the forum again and again. I was Chico for my good friend tonight on the solstice ceremony and my candle wouldn't light. And I was trying to light the candle so I could pass it around to everybody else and the candle just wouldn't light. So, yeah. There's a beginner's moment for you. You have to grab it. It's a good thing. A mistake is a good thing. It's a good chance to keep your beginner's mind. I love it when I see people putting their feet on the food. food time, you know, when they get on and off the time, because I know that they're a beginner and that they're going to have that opportunity to really confront their mistake.

[43:55]

Mistakes are grateful. Grateful. Mistakes are something you should be grateful for. I don't remember which 20th sin master said, Life is just one big mistake. And those mistakes are opportunities to stay beginners. All right, I'll let you all go. Unless somebody else has a question for me. Roger. Thank you, Jamie. Is there a connection between the posture of your auto in front of the fire hydrant and your posture in the Zento? There's only a connection which auto I bring, and I'll just leave it at that. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge.

[45:00]

And this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[45:19]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_93.99