This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Those who have come here for the first time. Okay, lots of repeaters. Good. Usually I start my talk from opening rituals, which means just exercise to relax and open your mind and body. Let's do it together. First, I'm calling this big sigh. So we often do this when we get tired or get bored or change our mood.

[01:09]

But here we do this intentionally and more mindfully deeply. Deep in-breath. Relax your body. Totally kind of surrender. Breathe in through your nose. Let the air inside your body stand up your upper body slowly. And once more. Relax your neck, shoulder, spine. Exhale totally. in breath. Naturally, your body is coming up. Next time, we do once more like this.

[02:12]

Don't do it. Just look at me. This time, breathe in. Move up your head. But not too much. Unless you feel Beyond this, I have to make extra effort, but now OK. And then open your mouth. And if you feel like yawning, that's a good sign. You did a good job. So let's see how it goes. Breathe in. Good. Get slowly breathing. Move up your head, not too much. Then open your mouth. And then breathing out through your mouth.

[03:17]

And if you feel like yawning, please do so. Another one. Surrender your head to the gravity. I mean, hang down your head. Let the weight of your head stretch back of your neck. Don't do, let the weight of your body do this. Breathe in. Slowly roll your head to the left. back. This is the end of the breathing in. Breathing out, move your head. Roll your head to the right. To the front.

[04:25]

Minimize the use of the muscle of the neck. Just Tilt your upper body a little bit so that your head rolls. This time, while you're breathing in, move your head to the right. Back. End of the in-breath. And breathe out, move your head to the left. In-breath, slowly lift up your head. And a big sigh again. Thank you very much. I hope you refresh a little bit. My name is Isho Fujita.

[05:35]

I'm calling myself a comment member of this sangha of San Francisco. Komet means it comes to the Earth when people forget about their presence. So I'm making a trip back and forth between America and Japan. So this time I'm here, so I'm asked to speak in front of you. So let me start my story of losing my teeth. It's connected with the topic of the self, today's topic self. This happened last week when I was in Los Angeles, attending a big ceremony of Sōru Zen School, kind of big celebration. And usually my role is explaining in English and Japanese what's going on the stage.

[06:37]

the obitiate is offering the incense for this purpose, and then why they are doing three prostrations and so on. So the day before I was eating a broccoli, I realized my front teeth broken because this teeth was under dentist treatment. So I'm supposed to be... This teeth was supposed to be fixed when I come back to Japan, but this happened. I'm so embarrassed because I have to stand in front of the people and explaining what's going on there. And also, more embarrassing thing is I have to be live stream today. So, should I cancel this? Maybe when I was... 30s, 40s, maybe I would have cancelled.

[07:38]

But now I've just become 60. My attachment to my body, a little bit, you know, gets smaller. And that was a very interesting accident for today's topic because the moment it happened to me, I have very interesting thoughts. I'm very hurt, but what is hurt? What is embarrassing? Who is embarrassing this? Luckily, there's no pain there, because I'm already treated. So I ponder, what Or who is embarrassed with this? And who is worrying about this?

[08:44]

And I realized a self-image, how people look at me, or how people feel about me, and so on. And I felt very relieved. One of the priests asked me about the thesis. Until then, people maybe noticed, but nobody mentioned it. But I could feel they're looking at me, looking at somewhere here. So some conflict inside myself. But the moment one female priest asked me, what's happened to your teeth? And I feel relieved so much, because I can't talk about it. And I don't have to pretend that this did not happen to me. It's a big relief. So that's why I'm starting my talk with this one. Even maybe more people here watching me are speaking about this, but it's OK.

[09:51]

Because myself has nothing to do with it somehow. So after talking about this incidence, I'd like to talk about two kind of self. One is, I wish I could have a whiteboard, but imagine this is a whiteboard, invisible whiteboard. One self is this. This is a world. whole world, and then I can put many dots there. And one of those dots are me, and the rest of the dots are you. I'm among them. Do you understand this?

[10:55]

Most of us feel ourselves something like that. we are among them, one of us. We are one of us. But there's another self, which is not circle, more like start from here and it goes this way. Then where is me? I'm not inside this sphere. I'm standing here. I'm being here. And then many dots. But among those dots, I'm not there. You are there, but I'm not there. I'm here. Do you understand it's true? I'm not one of the world.

[11:59]

I don't belong to the world. I'm not one piece of the world. I am here, and then the world is over there. Not outside the world, but here. And the world starts from here. Several years ago, in Japan, particularly among young people, one particular phrase became very popular, which is jibun sagashi. Jibun means me, myself. Sagashi means looking for, searching for, seeking for. Seeking for myself. So this phrase is often used like, I'm going to quit my job because I have to seek for myself.

[13:07]

Or I quit my relationship for the sake of seeking for myself. I go to India to seek myself. Something like that. But which self they are seeking First one or second one? I think that self, or maybe true self, cannot be found at lost found center, like a lost key. But what they're talking about, seeking for themselves, sounds like they are looking for self somewhere lost and found center. So from the beginning, their project or search is bound to fail or get to the dead end.

[14:11]

Don't you think so? The self, what is self? Where is self? Or those questions around the self is very, very important for us, for everybody. It's strange that everybody living as a self, you cannot deny. Even you deny no. Saying no, what is saying no? The self is saying no. This is self-evident. So everybody is living as a cell, but nobody knows what it is. This is not my personal judgment. This is said by Dogen in his Shobo Genzo.

[15:13]

So let me quote. This is from Yuibutsu Yobutsu in Japanese title. Tanahashi-san Kazutanashi translated as only a Buddha and Buddha. So if you are interested in it, please look at it. To seek to know the self is always the wish of living beings. However, those who see the true self are rare. Only Buddha knows the true self. people outside the way, outside the way means non-Buddhist way, people outside the way regard what is not the self as the self. On the other hand, what Buddhas call the self is the entire earth.

[16:16]

Original word is jindaiji, totality of the ground, literally means. I think this should be understood as a whole world. Thus, there is never an entire us that is not the self, with or without our knowing it. On this matter, refer to the words of the ancient Buddhas. So all sentient beings have a wish to seek who I am. Who? What is this? But unfortunately, who sees the true self is rare. So if we cannot see the true self, we inevitably construct what is not self as a self.

[17:28]

I call it ego. So we lose the sight of the self and identify ourselves with this constructed ego, whose characteristic is separation, separated from the world. I'm away, outside of the world. And The result is the bettering, bettering, bettering the self. So we are devolting against, revolting against, fighting against the self. And then experiencing the pain, anguish, sorrow, sadness, loneliness. and so on as ego.

[18:31]

This is somehow a description of our reality according to Buddhism. So it is our lifetime homework or assignment to rediscover the self, the true self, going beyond this false construction of the ego. Unless we go back to this home, true home, which is the self, we never be able to be peaceful. And in this context, being a Buddha or becoming a Buddha is we fully come back to the home. The person whose self becomes the self is a Buddha.

[19:38]

So another Buddha's, Dogen's quotation, to study the way of enlightenment Little means to study the Buddha's way is to study the self. First time I read this sentence, I was surprised. The term self, jiko, is used in the writing of 800 years ago. So those days, maybe most Buddhists, most people think, To study the Buddha way is to study the scriptures. Or something outside themselves. Authoritative text or doctrine and so on. But Dogen said to study the Buddha way is to study the self.

[20:46]

And self means this. So in that sense, I think Dogen is the first existence. This is not Dogen's invention. Dogen just dephrase what Buddha said 2,500 years ago. You can find many of Buddha's statements around the cell. This is a very famous one. One is one's own refuge. What other refuge can there be? With self well subdued, a man finds a refuge such as few can find.

[21:48]

Self well subdued. This is from Dhammapada. famous collection of Buddha's saying. Well, Buddha emphasized taking self as a lamp. So from the beginning, Buddhist tradition, the self is a foundation for all teaching and practice. So in this context, the Buddhist doctrine is about the self. Why we lose the sight of the self? And how is the result of losing the sight of the self? And how to get recovered from this situation? And what kind of practice is helpful for us to recover or rediscover or return to the self?

[22:51]

So all the teaching, famous like emptiness or no self, even no self is about the self, right? No self, it's not so simple teaching, no self. But more like a deep implication it has. So no self is a true self. Sounds contradictory or strange, but true self, teaching of true self is not contradictory to the teaching of anatomy, more accurately, non-self. So go back to the two kinds of self. We have to be more shocked about we are existing, we are being here as self.

[24:00]

Self is very strange or mysterious way of being. I think you know the word contingency. But many people, scientists, philosophers is thinking about why the brain can produce the consciousness. Why this matter can have the consciousness. But I think after we developed the science, we know that evolution of the universe from the big bang or big shoe, I don't know, big something. Something happened a long time ago. And then even universe evolved from the single structure to more and more complicated.

[25:04]

And then at a certain moment, point, it's produced the creature which can have a consciousness. And this consciousness somehow I'm not New Age follower, but self-consciousness. They start pondering themselves, not thinking about what is that, what is this, what is it, but what is this? Very mysterious. But more mysterious thing is, it's me. So now, so many people are living as a conscious being. But among them, this is only one. This kind of consciousness is one.

[26:08]

Only one in the universe. Isn't this strange? The past self is First description of the self, I'm among them, is kind of abstract construction, abstract conceptual understanding of the self. More realistic or more real feeling about being self is a second description. I'm standing very, very unique vintage point. here, and then whole world developed in front of me. And you are there. We are living, and then this can be said to not only myself, I hope it's same thing can be said to you, right?

[27:16]

You are existing that way. I believe so, but no way. Right? It sounds like a Synopsism? Solipsism? Yeah? Solipsism. Maybe most of us know about that solipsism. I only exist. Epistemological solipsism. But I'm talking about ontological solipsism. If I differentiate it. I'm living, being here, at this moment here, and I was not there 100 years ago, and I won't be there, here, 100 years later. So what's the difference between the world with me and without me?

[28:23]

Can you think about it? Can you think about it? This question of self is so close to us that most of us miss it. But some people get stuck to it, like me, a person like me. When I was a 10-year-old boy, while I was riding a bike in the night, when I look at the starry night, that moment, some shocking thing happened to me. I just realized my kind of perspective shifted from the first type of self to the second type of self. And I start wondering, what is this? Why am I here this way?

[29:27]

And why am I in this body, particular body? born, being born between my parents. It did not have to be me. I could be inside some mother's body, but why this body? And this condition. Maybe if we develop the science and then define our understanding of natural law, we can explain about why we can have consciousness. But even we attain such a knowledge or understanding, the natural law simply cannot explain why this body, I am in this body. Because it's contingency.

[30:31]

It is contingent. Did you follow? I think many of us has a moment when we have this kind of question or moment of puzzlement. But we are busy in adaptive behavior in challenging situations, we miss a chance to deepen this question. But due to ambiguous or confusion about this question, it's kind of a in a very subtle way, influence our thinking and behavior, and resulting in a problem.

[31:49]

So this lack of understanding of the true self or misunderstanding of the self, we can see a lot of symptoms around us. I think even a pathological manifestation, like a criminal thing or anti-social behavior or troublesome behavior, I think if we dig into the cause of those behavior, we can find, I think, the wish to know who I am. And those problematic behavior is simply an unlucky manifestation of this wish.

[32:58]

So I think Buddhist practice is more healthier and wholesome way of touching this deeply rooted wish inside ourselves. We suffer when we become sick or when we feel I'm poor and so on. There are many reasons for us to feel pain or sadness. We suffer from many things. And most of us think the reason for my suffering is over there. That trouble is attacking me.

[34:01]

We tend to feel that something outside poverty, sickness, bad guy, bad society, and so on, is causing me a trouble. And trouble is kind of falling onto me. Following the Buddha's teaching, a dependent co-origination, we realize that's not true. That is not accurate description of the situation. Or sometimes we feel happy when I get the money. This money can be replaced with fame or girlfriend or nice house, nice car, good position, whatever.

[35:06]

Good enlightenment. Spiritual breakthrough. Qualification to be enlightened. Whatever, you can put this in a bracket. But I get... But if you really get it, you never lose it. But you lost money. Even in your pocket, you might drop or someone steal it. If you really get it, you will never lose it. Most of us, we say, I get money. Yes. Temporarily, money is staying here. Temporarily. But we call it get it. But in reality, we never get it. What we get is attachment to it. So what causes us trouble is not money or person.

[36:14]

What causes us problem really is our relationship with it. So we do not understand those dependent coagination, that everything is related. Because ego separates itself from everything. So if we cling to this wrong view, we never be able to go beyond ups and downs of the mind. Because it's already packaged the suffering is packaged, included, battery included. So package is included, included. This suffering is included when we buy the product of ego. So our practice and the study of the Buddha Dharma, particularly sitting, is to

[37:27]

setting us, or liberating us from this view, I am one of the dots, to I am the world. I am the world. I and the world is the same. This means you have no way, you have no exit. You have no exit. Because wherever you are, you are always here, right? So among the dots, you can have an illusion. You can change the position from here to there or something like that. That's why we seek for the better place to be. Not here. Not now. Somewhere, sometime later. But once you shift, this perspective from the first one to the second one, your approach to the problem drastically changed.

[38:37]

So extremely speaking, first one, for you to become happy, you cannot be sick, you cannot be old, you cannot lose your teeth. But second perspective, you can be happy while being sick. Not magic. It's not magic. You can be OK with losing tears. So can you imagine the possibility from this to this? So this self, cannot be seen as an object. The only way to know it is become the self. It's not like you can learn about the self as if you are learning some new knowledge at the classroom, like taking note and test it and grade it.

[39:56]

the way of knowing about the true self is like you laugh at the moment you understand the joke. The moment you understand, you laugh. So when you become the self, true self, not as an object over there, but kind of things. So self cannot be seen or known as an object, but it does not mean you don't know it. There is a way of knowing it through becoming it. So we receive the practice to become the self, which is what you practice here, what is taught here, which is called zazen or sitting. So it's not self-improvement or self-enhancement.

[41:06]

It's a self-discovery. So I hope you have this vision and try it. That's my hope. So, time stop. Thank you very much for your attention. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[41:51]

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